The Parent Trap (1961) - Quotes

The Evers-McKendrick Family: Sharon & Susan (twin daughters)

The Evers-McKendrick Family: Maggie (wife)

Mitch Evers: Ah Maggie, you're so beautiful.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [to brush it off] Ah...

Mitch Evers: No I mean it! I know I don't say things like you want to hear, but I've been thinking a lot about you, and us, and the way things used to be... this might sound funny to you but you know what I've missed most of all?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Mitch?

Mitch Evers: What?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: You've got stew all over you.

Mitch Evers: I don't care.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [pause] Go and wash it off. What do you miss?

Mitch Evers: Well, I don't care if it does sound silly; I miss those wet stockings you used to have hanging around the bathroom, and I miss my razor being dull because you used it to shave your legs with. And I miss the hairpins mixed up with the fish hooks in my tackle box... it's no fun having a clothes closet all to myself. And it's no fun swearing because you're not around to make believe you're shocked by it. Well, nothing's any good without you Maggie, I miss a lot of things... I guess I just miss you!

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Why did you take so long to tell me?

Mitch Evers: I don't know... Well because, cause I guess I was hoping that you'd come back sometime. Maggie, I've been the prize chump of the world. We've both been. We're going to grow into a couple of old lonely people if we don't do something about it.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: I know.

Mitch Evers: You don't want that, do you?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: No, Mitch.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Oh Mitch, it's been so long... so very long.

Mitch Evers: Don't cry. Listen, you can slug me in the eye anytime you want.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Okay!

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Oh, it was just wonderful!

Sharon McKendrick: [coming down the stairs; Sharon and Maggie hug] Mother! Oh, I'm so glad you came! Oh! You look wonderful! What'd you do to yourself?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Do you like it?

Sharon McKendrick: Oh, I love it!

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [Maggie hugs Sharon again] Oh darling! Oh! Finally! Both of you together at last. What do you think of each other?

Sharon McKendrick: Fine.

Susan Evers: We love each other!

Sharon McKendrick: Hi, Sue.

Susan Evers: Hi.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [Addressing Sharon] Oh and just look at you! That short hair.

Susan Evers: I cut it, Mother.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: You know, I like it.

Sharon McKendrick: Oh, and I love yours, Mother.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Where's your father?

Sharon McKendrick: Oh, he's out somewhere on a horse.

Susan Evers: [to Sharon] Are we in time?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [to Susan] Time?

Sharon McKendrick: [to Susan; Susan shakes her head, no] Didn't you tell her?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Tell me what?

Susan Evers: Well ...

Sharon McKendrick: Dad's getting married.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Well. When is all this taking place?

Verbena: [Maggie looks away, anxiously] Saturday, supposedly.

Sharon McKendrick: She just sort of infiltrated, Mother. And before you knew it, Dad was hooked.

Verbena: If you ask me, Mr. Evers is slipping into his second childhood.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Oh your father is old enough to know what he's doing. Shall we go upstairs and get unpacked? I'm just dying to get into a hot shower after that long plane trip.

Susan Evers: [as Sharon] I don't think I'll be able to do any of those today.

Grandmother: [surprised] What did you say?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: Sharon! You interrupted your grandmother.

Susan Evers: [emphatically] Well I have something important to tell you. Mother, I think what you and Daddy did to us children is lousy! In fact, I think it stinks!

Grandmother: Sharon!

Susan Evers: [approaching Grandmother; facing her mother] And let's get this straight, I'm not Sharon, I'm Susan. Sharon, your Sharon, is out in California with Daddy.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: But it's impossible!

Grandmother: You can't be Susan.

Susan Evers: But I AM Susan. Sharon and I met at camp, so we decided to switch places. She bit off her fingernails and I cut her hair, and now she's out in California with Dad, swimming and riding my horse and having a KEEN time and I'm stuck here with these lousy music lessons and I HATE them!

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [staring as if too good to be true] Susan!

Susan Evers: Oh I'm sorry, Mother. But I wanted to see you, and I missed not having a mother. I love you very much, and I wondered, if you could love me as me and not as Sharon. Please?

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [she hugs Susan] Oh Susan! Oh my darling. Why didn't you let me know? Why didn't you tell me?

Susan Evers: I couldn't help it. I mean, I wanted to be near you and to know what it was like to have a mother and everything.

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: [they hug again] Oh, Baby.

Grandmother: [getting up and hugging Susan; to Maggie] Susan, darling! Let me look at you. She's EXACTLY ...

Margaret Maggie McKendrick: I know, I can't believe it.

Vicky Robinson: You're a big girl now, Susan. You're old enough to understand that wonderful, delicate mystery that happens sometimes between a man and a woman.

Sharon McKendrick: I know what wonderful, delicate mystery Daddy sees in you. And I can't say I blame him there, either. You're very nicely put together.

Vicky Robinson: Your father underestimates you, I think.

Sharon McKendrick: I'm sure you won't, will you, Vicky?

Vicky Robinson: Susan, dear, you've had him to yourself all this time, and I can understand that suddenly to have another woman around, well, it's a tremendous intrusion. But all my life, it seemed, I've hoped and waited for someone like him: someone gentle and mature, rough-edged, but quick to laugh, someone understanding and wise. All the things that I've come to love and cherish in him.

Sharon McKendrick: Well, that's very refreshing.

Vicky Robinson: Why, dear?

Sharon McKendrick: Most girls just run after Daddy because he's so wealthy.

Vicky Robinson: [angrily] Are you inferring that I'd marry your father for his money?

Sharon McKendrick: If the shoe fits, wear it!

Vicky Robinson: Look, pet. I've tried to be friendly, but I'm going to marry your father, so you get used to the idea!

Sharon McKendrick: You wanna bet?

Vicky Robinson: Oh, honey, don't you play with the big girls. You'll be in way over your head.

Verbena: You didn't know what a good thing you had when you had it.

Mitch Evers: Huh?

Charles McKendrick: [Susan starts sniffing the coat he is wearing] My dear, what are you doing?

Susan Evers: Making a memory.

Charles McKendrick: Making a memory?

Susan Evers: [smells his jacket again] All my life, when I'm quite grown-up I will always remember my grandfather and how he smelled of... tobacco and peppermint.

Charles McKendrick: [starts chuckling; looks around] Smelled of tobacco and peppermint. Well, I'll tell you what. I take the peppermint for my indigestion and as for the tobacco... to make your grandmother mad.

Susan Evers: You want to meet Father. And I'm just dying to know Mother. Well, what if... Oh my gosh! It might be so scary that we might be able to pull it off.

Sharon McKendrick: Pull what off?

Susan Evers: Switch places!

Sharon McKendrick: Switch?

Susan Evers: We can do it. We're twins, aren't we? Oh, I'm want to know Mother! Look, now I'M getting goosebumps!

Sharon McKendrick: Me, too. You know something? There's more to it than just switching places. I believe fate brought us together.

Susan Evers: How so?

Sharon McKendrick: If we switched, sooner or later, they'd have to unswitch us.

Susan Evers: Mother would have to bring me to California to unmix us.

Sharon McKendrick: And they'd have to meet again.

Susan Evers: Face-to-face. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Sharon McKendrick: Exactly.

Susan Evers: Let's go to work!

Susan Evers: How old are you?

Sharon McKendrick: Thirteen.

Susan Evers: So am I. I can't wait till I'm eighteen and get my own car and stay out dancing till midnight.

Sharon McKendrick: I'll be fourteen November 12th.

Susan Evers: No kiddin'? That's my birthday too.

Sharon McKendrick: Isn't that peculiar? November 12th?

Susan Evers: Um huh. Funny, isn't it?

Susan Evers: [Gets up off the bed; Looking around] Uh oh. This one's full. Hey! What do ya know? It's stopped raining.

Sharon McKendrick: [Both outside sitting on the step] What is your mother like?

Susan Evers: I can't remember her.

Sharon McKendrick: Did she die?

Susan Evers: Nope. Busted up with Dad when I was young. But she was fabulous. Absolutely fabulous!

Sharon McKendrick: How do you know?

Susan Evers: There used to be a picture of her on Daddy's desk. But once he caught me looking at it and it's never been around since. Hey! You wanna come to the commissary and get a popsicle with me?

Sharon McKendrick: Can you only think about your stomach at a time like this?

Susan Evers: At a time like what?

Sharon McKendrick: Don't you feel it? Don't you know what's happening? Don't you find it peculiar that we both look so much alike, and have the same birthday?

Susan Evers: It's just one of those things. Isn't it?

Sharon McKendrick: Will you come inside a minute? Please?

Sharon McKendrick: [Back inside] Mother always says I'm psychic. You know, that I can sense things when something odd is going to happen. I always get goosebumps. Look.

Susan Evers: So what?

Susan Evers: I don't understand. What are you doing with her picture?

Sharon McKendrick: It's my mother.

Susan Evers: But it's my mother too.

Miss Inch: Congratulations. In the history of our camp, that was the most infamous, the most revolting, the most disgusting display of hooliganism we have ever had.

Miss Grunecker: Brawling like hooligans in front of our guests.

Miss Inch: And worst of all, two sisters who should be setting a good example.

Susan Evers: We're not sisters!

Sharon McKendrick: I've never seen HER before in my life.

Miss Inch: They are! Aren't they?

Miss Grunecker: No ma'am. Just look-alikes.

Miss Inch: An amazing resemblance.

Sharon McKendrick: [outside the dance with her roommates] Serves you right. Stay out of our tent from now on.

Susan Evers: [Susan slaps Sharon and Sharon slaps her back] You vicious little wretch!

Ursala: The nerve of her! Coming here with your face!

Betsy: What are you gonna do about it?

Susan Evers: Do? What in heaven's sake can I do, silly?

Betsy: I'd bite off her nose. Then she wouldn't look like you.

Ursala: I know! We'll wait until she comes over here and when she's not looking we'll dump ants down her dress!

Betsy: Where are we gonna find ants at night, stupid?

Ursala: Ooo, just thinking about it makes me so mad I could just spit!

Miss Inch: [reading from index cards; turns to the next card and continues reading; frowns, looks back at the previous card in confusion, then re-reads the new one] Welcome to Camp Inch, new arrivals. I am your supreme commander here. My name is... Miss Inch. Oh, yes, Miss Inch.