23 quotes
Inspector Clouseau Requests His Brown Suit
Inspector Clouseau
Valet, this is Inspector Clouseau. Please send up my... well, please send down my brown suit immediately. As quick as you can. Quicker, please!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Return of the Pink Panther's Bold Comeback
Taglines
HE'S BACK...no risk is too daring...No caper is too exotic...No crime is too dangerous.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange About Career Aspirations
Inspector Clouseau
How long have you been a bellboy
Bellboy
Oh, too long, Monsieur.
Clouseau
Keep up the good work, and I shall see to it you become a bell-MAN.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Parrot greets with a simple question
Parrot
Wie geht’s?
[to Inspector Clouseau, entering the hotel room]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Slippery Floor Mystery Unfolds
Police Chief Lundallah
He pulled himself across the floor using this wire. How else could he have avoided our radar field?
Inspector Clouseau
He did? ... Yes, how else! Hmm. Of course he would have needed a very slippery floor to do that.
Police Chief Lundallah
Therefore the wax.
Inspector Clouseau
The wax? ... AGHH!
[Clouseau slips on the waxed floor and falls to the ground]
Col. Sharki
Are you alright, Inspector?
Inspector Clouseau
Of course I'm alright. I'm... examining the wax. Have you taken a sample of this wax?
[on his knees; sniffs the wax on the floor]
Police Chief Lundallah
Wax is wax!
Inspector Clouseau
See, this is where you are wrong. Wax is NOT just wax. In this case it is a clue. French wax, English wax, domestic wax...
Col. Sharki
Ah, the Inspector is right. Have the wax tested immediately.
Inspector Clouseau
It is my guess that you will find it is English wax.
[grabbing a mechanical arm from the jewel stand]
Police Chief Lundallah
Why?
Inspector Clouseau
Because your thief is an Englishman.
Col. Sharki
How do you know that?
Inspector Clouseau
It is my business to know that. He is Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious Lytton.
Police Chief Lundallah
The Phantom?
Inspector Clouseau
Yes, one and the same.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inspector Clouseau's Hotel Departure Statement
Inspector Clouseau
: I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.
[after inadvertently destroying much of the hotel he is in]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreyfus Reflects on Clouseau's Chaos
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Now he's off to Gstaad. Today... a paradise in the Swiss Alps; tomorrow... a wasteland! Compared to Clouseau, Attila the Hun was a Red Cross volunteer!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Discussion on Ammunition and Sanity
Sir Charles Lytton
He's either reloading, or he's out of ammunition.
Inspector Clouseau
E's out of his mind, that's what e's out of!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inspector Clouseau Arrests Sir Charles Phantom
Inspector Clouseau
I arrest you, Sir Charles Phantom, the notorious pink Lytton.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreyfus's Frustration with Clouseau's Presence
Doctor
Describe your thoughts. Get them out in the open. You'll feel much better.
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
All right. See, it's always the same. Clouseau is sitting there, in a chair, just like you, with his back to me. Then suddenly, my hands go round his throat, and I begin to squeeze (he does). It's wonderful. It's marvellous. I'm squeezing (and the doctor is choking...). And the more I squeeze, the freer I feel. I'm in ecstasy. And then suddenly, suddenly my problem is solvèd...
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Doctor! DOCTOR!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Clouseau's Confusion in a Dangerous Encounter
Inspector Clouseau
This is Monsieur Gadbois - who is this speaking?
[answering the phone]
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Don't you know? Hmmm? Hmmm? Can't you guess? I'll give you a clue - this is the man who hates you. This is the man who more than anything else in the world would like to see you dead and buried!
Inspector Clouseau
...are you the headwaiter that works in the little bistro on the Rue de Bazaar?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
No, this is Chief Inspector Dreyfus! Idiot!
Inspector Clouseau
You understand that anyone could ask for Monsieur Guy Gadbois and say that they were Chief Inspector Dreyfus. What is your code-name?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Code-name... CODE-NAME?! I've never had a code-name, lunatic!
Inspector Clouseau
Only the real Inspector Dreyfus would know that he did not have a code-name.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Duty Over Distraction in Crime Investigation
Inspector Clouseau
I did not know the bank was being robbed because I was engaged in my sworn duty as a police officer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Between Clouseau and Dreyfus
Inspector Clouseau
I tell you, infamous powers are at work! The instant you assign me to a case, the Underworld hears about it and I am set upon! ... It is amazing that I am still alive.
Inspector Clouseau
Do I detect something in your voice that says I am in disfavor with you?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
YES! I wish you were DEAD!
Inspector Clouseau
Well, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Telephone Troubles in Nice
Inspector Clouseau
... I am from the Nice Telephone Company; there is some trouble with your phone.
[at Lytton Manor in Nice, while working undercover as a telephone repairman, Clouseau has already annihilated the Lyttons' doorbell!]
Mac
...I don't think there's any trouble with the telephones here.
Inspector Clouseau
I know when there is a trouble, and when there is not a trouble, and you may rest assured that there is a trouble.
Mac
Since when?
Inspector Clouseau
Since it was reported.
Mac
By whom? And what sort of trouble is it?
Inspector Clouseau
If I knew that, I could simply call you up and tell you what the trouble with your telephone is!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inspector Clouseau Guarantees Trouble Ahead
Taglines
You can rest assured that there's trouble, because Inspector Clouseau is on the case. (That's the trouble.)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inspector Clouseau on the Falling-Down Ploy
Inspector Clouseau
I see you are familiar with the falling-down-on-the-floor ploy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on City Ordinance and Blindness
Inspector Clouseau
City Ordinance 132R prohibits the begging.
[to blind beggar]
Blind beggar
How do you know so much about city ordinances?
Inspector Clouseau
What sort of stupid question is that? Are you blind?
Blind beggar
Yes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Help and Action
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Don't just stand there, idiot. Call a doctor, and then help me find my nose!!
[to Francois, after accidentally shooting himself in the face]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Blind Lookout: A Logical Dilemma
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
The beggar was the lookout man for the gang.
Inspector Clouseau
That is impossible.
Inspector Clouseau
He was blind! How can a blind man be a lookout?
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
How can an idiot be a policeman? Answer me that!
Inspector Clouseau
It's very simple. All he has to do is enlist...
Chief Inspector Dreyfus
Shut up!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fortune Cookie Warnings in a Restaurant
Inspector Clouseau
This is very strange. I do not ever recall receiving the fortune cookie in a Japanese restaurant.
Sgt. François Chevalier
What does yours say?
Inspector Clouseau
Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Musician and Businessman: A Unique Relationship
Blind beggar
I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inspector Clouseau's Moment of Frustration
Inspector Clouseau
You fool! You raving Oriental idiot! There is a time and a place for everything, Cato! ...and this is it!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pursuing the Target Vehicle
Inspector Clouseau
: Follow that car!
[to a taxi driver; driver gets out of the taxi and follows the car]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.