The Rugrats Movie (1998) - Quotes

Taglines: An adventure for anyone who's ever worn diapers.

Rex Pester: [Stu's Dactar crashes into the chopper; Stu screams in panic; Stu groans. He fights the pilot over the controls] A truckload of babies and their pet horse lost in the woods. Our hearts go out to their grief-stricken parents... Look out, Pickles! Now look what you've done! Are you out of your mind?! Get out! [pushes Stu and Dactar away from the chopper, but breaks the controls off accidentally

Stu Pickles: Whoa!

Rex Pester: [crying] And I never won an Emmy!

Stu Pickles: [drops the chopper's handlebars before continues flying haphazardly; a couple of screws come loose] Oops. I'm coming, Tommy. I'm coming, Dil. Oh! Ah!

Angelica Pickles: [still carrying Cynthia as she's climbing back on the bridge] Ugh! Hurry up, babies!

Chuckie Finster: Don't let them take me!

Angelica Pickles: Don't let them take Cynthia!

Lil DeVille: I don't think they're going to take anyone. Look!

Babies: Yay!

Lil DeVille: Yeah! Go home, monkeys!

Angelica Pickles: Hooray! Dumb-dumb monkeys!

Babies: Oh!

Chuckie Finster: [scared] We wanna go home. We wanna go home.

Babies: Aah!

Dil Pickles: Yuckies!

Babies: Yay!

Tommy: Yay, Spike!

Dil Pickles: [bouncing on the seat] Spike, Spike!

Tommy Pickles: Oh, no, Spike! Spike!

Lil DeVille: You gotta get outta there, Spikey!

Angelica Pickles: [blows raspberries at the wolf] Yo, dumb wolf!

Babies: [alarmed] Spike!

Dil Pickles: [now sad] Spike?

Tommy Pickles: [tearfully] Oh, Spike.

Angelica Pickles: [sobs] Dumb dog! Why'd you have to go and...

Stu Pickles: [suddenly spots the babies on the bridge; Dactar crashes for the last time, into the ranger's station. The babies gasped. The ranger's station collapsed to the ground. Now feeling all woozy, he gets up on his feet, "wearing" Dactar's remnants, and walks towards the bridge] Whoa! Deed, I found them! They're over by the ranger station! I'm going IIIIIIIIINNNN!!!!!! Ahh!

Babies: [gasped] The lizard!

Babies: Ohh!

Tommy Pickles: [pulls up his diaper and speaks to the "Lizard"; looks at the babies, who are still sad] Please, Mr. Lizard, we wish we could go...No. We wish we had our doggie back.

Stu Pickles: [busts through the bridge, still wearing Dactar] Ahhh.

Tommy Pickles: [looks down the hole, suddenly relieved] Spike!

Phil DeVille: He's alive!

Lil DeVille: Thank you, Mr. Lizard!

Didi: [tears of joy; kisses them both] My babies! My babies! Oh Dil! My darling!

Howard DeVille: [hugging his twins] We're here! Mommy and daddy are here!

Betty DeVille: [hugging their twins] You rascals!

Chaz Finster: Daddy's here. Oh, Chuckie!

Charlotte Pickles: Angelica, sweetheart, everything's going to be okay!

Angelica Pickles: [last words] Oh, mommy, oh, daddy!

Chaz Finster: [to Chuckie offscreen] Did you miss me? You okay?

Lou Pickles: [pull Stu up with a rope] You've got the Pickle spirit, son. Maybe not the brain, but the spirit.

Didi Pickles: Oh, Stu, you did it! You found our boys.

Stu Pickles: [smiles] Yeah, I guess I did.

Igor: My little furry comrades!

Serge: Splendid monkeys, come to papa. Who's your daddy?

Female Reporter: Babies and monkeys, both lost. Now both found.

Rex Pester: [last words; now injured, shoves the female reporter out of sight; the monkeys gang up on Rex and fight him. Camera cuts to static] This is my story, pal! I'm Rex Pester. Stay tuned. Aah! No, not my toupee! No!

Betty DeVille: [laughing] Go get him, you little simians!

Charlotte Pickles: Hey, Rex, time for your close up!

Chaz Finster: [mock sympothy] Oh, dear, too bad.

Stu Pickles: I'm sorry about all this Drew.

Drew Pickles: It's all right, little brother. For a nincompoop, you're not half bad.

Stu Pickles: Remember there was Swamptar?

Drew Pickles: Oh yeah, I remember that. Got mud all over...

Chuckie Finster: [voice over; Dil, wearing a viking helmet, rides on Chuckie's back. They climb and grab the icon as before, but this time, Dil got ahold of it; chuckles] And that was our big adventure. The Monkeys founded their daddies, and we all gots to go home and have fried baloney sandwiches. But not Dil, cause he gots no teeth. But if you think thing went back to the way they was before, you're wrong, cause now, thanks to Baby Dil, they was even better!

Babies: [cheering] Yay!

Chuckie Finster: [last lines] Way to go, Dilly!

Angelica Pickles: [lands near the crashed-circus train; losing her hat in the process; crashes into Chuckie, who gasped] Ohh! Aah! Ooh! Dumb dog. There's no babies around here. Aah! There you are! Hand over my Cynthia, Finster!

Chuckie Finster: [runs away] Run, Angelica! The monkeys are coming! The monkeys are coming!

Angelica Pickles: [confused; getting trampled by the monkeys. One of the monkeys conveniently drop Cynthia near her; another monkey tries to steal Cynthia; grabs the monkey by the tail, and is once again towed away] Huh? Cynthia! Hey! Ohh! Stop!

Tommy Pickles: [relieved] Spike! You found me!

Chuckie Finster: [the monkeys pounce onto him and try to lick the food off. Tommy and Spike come to the rescue; they chase the monkeys away] Ugh! Oh! Ohh! Nice monkeys. Nice monkeys. I was only kidding. Don't be mad at me. Please? Okay. Help.

Chuckie Finster: Tommy! Thank goodness!

Tommy Pickles: [pulls out his pocket watch and points it at the direction of a fire tower] Come on, Chuckie! Chuckie! The lizard's house! Let's find the others! We gots a lizard to see!

Chuckie Finster: Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Ohh! Ohh! Spike! I can't look! I can't look!

Tommy Pickles: Spike! Spike!

Dil Pickles: [pulls the brakes, and the wagon runs off] My ball!

Chuckie Finster: [the monkey tries to pull his hair] Don't let them take me, Tommy! I don't wanna be monkey boy!

Phil and Lil: [as the monkeys try to pull their clothes] Aah!

Tommy Pickles: [as the monkey tries to pull his shirt] Aah!

Reptar Wagon: Hang onto your diapies, babies. Grr!

Phil DeVille: Good one, Dil!

Tommy and Lil: Thanks, Dilly. Woo, hoo, hoo!

Tommy Pickles: Thanks, Dil!

Lil DeVille: [kisses Dil] Dilly, you're my hero! Bye-bye, monkeys!

Angelica Pickles: [bites the monkey's tail. The monkey runs off in pain, leaving Cynthia behind. She picks up Cynthia and kisses it; the Reptar Wagon passes by; Phil and Lil fend off 2 monkeys as she hops on the wagon's tail; the wagon goes on some railroad tracks, crashing a "Do Not Enter" sign and going through a tunnel. Then, it goes on a rickety old bridge over the river; the wagon hits a missing board on the bridge, catapults her and her doll off in the air] Aah! Oh! Stop it! Cynthia! Hey, you stupid diaper bag! Wait for me! Dumb monkeys! After all I've done for you babies, you were gonna leave me and Cynthia beh- HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDD!!!!!!!

Phil DeVille: I didn't know she could fly.

Lil DeVille: I think it's cause she's a witch.

Tommy Pickles: Hang on, Angelica!

Didi Pickles: [crying] Oh, we'll never find them! Can't you do something?!

Ranger Margaret: Come on, baby. Come on!

Stu Pickles: [on CB] Sky Pickle to ground Pickle!

Didi Pickles: Stu, Stu, is that you?!

Stu Pickles: [collides into a flock of ducks] Roger that, Deed! We have aerial search!

Tommy Pickles: Oh, no. N-Nice monkeys. Ohh.

Phil DeVille: Not so fast you monkeys!

Tommy Pickles: [hugging them both] Lil! Phil! You came back! Oh, but-but where's...

Reptar Wagon: Grrr! I am Reptar, the perfect children's toy!

Tommy Pickles: Chuckie!

Chuckie Finster: [to Tommy; reaches for a jar of abby food in the wagon; runs with the banana baby food, with the monkeys following him] Hi, Tommy! Hey, monkeys! You want nanners? Well, come and get'em!

Lil DeVille: Gosh, I never knowed he was so brave.

Phil DeVille: Yeah. We're gonna miss him. Well, we better get in the wagon and get outta here.

Tommy Pickles: [starts walking around with his watch] No! You guys take Dil and go look for the lizard. I gotta go help my bestest friend.

Chuckie Finster: [sees Phil's shoes] Phil? Lil? Aah! Ohh! Oh. Phil.

Lil DeVille: [coming out] Chuckie?

Chuckie Finster: He always loved climbing on trees. Now a tree's climbed on him.

Lil DeVille: [crying while holding her brother's shoes] He was my favoritest brother. Speak to me, Philip!

Phil DeVille: [coming out alive] Have you guys seen my shoes?

Lil DeVille: [relieved; Chuckie gasped in relief as she hugs him; gives him back his shoes] Philip! I don't like this adventure anymore, Philip.

Phil DeVille: Gosh, Chuckie, this time we really are doomed.

Lil DeVille: [cries] Doomed! Doomed! Doomed!

Phil DeVille: Snap out of it, Lilian! We gotta find the lizard!

Chuckie Finster: I don't know, guys. If we find the lizard and Tommy doesn't, how's he ever gonna get home?

Phil DeVille: What are you worried about him for? He's the one who was gonna let you get eated by a fish!

Lil DeVille: All he cares about now is baby Dil.

Chuckie DeVille: Yeah, well, somebody has to. Don't they?

Tommy Pickles: [singing a lullaby] Baby, please, rest your head. Soon we will be home in bed. Until then, I'll protect...you like no other. You're okay for a little brother.

Dil Pickles: [calms down, and smiles] My Tommy.

Tommy Pickles: [smiles as well] My Dil.

Dil Pickles: [steals the baby bottle; drinks the whole milk] Mine! Mine!

Tommy Pickles: [tries to grab the bottle from Dil; Dil laughs and finishes off the bottle] But, I'm hungry, too. Stop it! Dil, that's enough! Stop it! Unh! You didn't leave any for me!

Dil Pickles: [burp; giggles] All gone.

Tommy Pickles: [Dil's leg peeks out of the blanket; Dil's arm now peeks out] Oh. Dil. Dil!

Dil Pickles: [grabs the blanket from Tommy and covers himself with it] My blankie! My blankie!

Tommy Pickles: Dil!

Dil Pickles: My blankie! My blankie!

Tommy Pickles: [pulls the blanket on opposite ends, carrying Dil] I need some blankie, too.

Dil Pickles: [doing the "tug of war"] Mine! Mine! Mine!

Tommy Pickles: Mine!

Dil Pickles: [the blanket tears and Tommy falls into a mud puddle, covering himself in mud; giggles] Mine! Yucky lookie.

Tommy Pickles: [getting out of the mud puddle, angry; tosses his watch against a tree, the clock opens the picture] You think it's funny?! Phil and Lil was right! You're a bad, naughty baby, and you're never gonna get any better! I'm through being your big brother! I don't want my sponsativity no more!

Dil Pickles: Monkey! My monkey! Mine!

Tommy Pickles: [still angry; kicks a frog; kicks an empty baby bottle; tosses out a diaper, a container of baby powder, baby wipes and Cynthia, which the monkeys all grab; brings the baby food to Dil and prepares to use it to cover Dil] You want monkeys?! Oh, Okay! I'll give you monkeys! You'll have a monkey mommy and a monkey daddy and a monkey brother! I shoulda let my friends take you back to the hopsicle, but, no, I said, "He didn't mean it", I said! "He was only playing"! Well I was wrong! Now I don't even have friends! Dil wants monkeys, and monkeys want the nanners. So everybody gets what they want!

Dil Pickles: [then looks at Tommy, while lightning strikes above. He's very frightened] My nanna! My nanna! T-T-T-

Tommy Pickles: [regrets himself] I'm sorry, Dil.

Dil Pickles: [tearfully] Toto.

Tommy Pickles: [carrying Dil back to the shelter] It's okay, Dil. Everything is gonna be okay.

Angelica Pickles: [furiously makes a face at him, angrily sticking out her tongue; singing; crosses a creek; splashes; rides a long in the water; climbs a mountain; climbs a tree; goes through the canyon with chiseled heads of Tommy and Dil; climbs another mountain; imagines Cynthia on the top; it was actually Spike; stamps her foot into the handle portion of Spike's leash, which causes Spike to run, dragging her along the way] You dumb butthound! Fine! I hope you turn into a frog. Nyah! I'll find Cynthia myself! One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you! One way or another, I'm gonna win you, I'm gonna get you, get you, get you, get you! Cynthia, oh, Cynthia! I need to see you, I need to see you, see you, see you! From that kid or his brother, I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you, I'll get you! I'll find the full diaper bag! And if you're ripped or you're hurt, I'll push them in dirt! Yeah! Aah! Ooh! Oh! Stop! I said stop! CYNTHIAAA!

Tommy Pickles: [tries to tug Dil away from the monkeys; the wolf howls off-screen. The monkeys leave in fear] Hey! Gimme back my brother! Shoo! Oh! Get outta here, you monkeys! Go! Come on. Let's get outta this rain.

Ranger Frank: [trying to stay calm] I know you rookies can get excited and lose your heads, but veterans like me know the key is to remain calm and cool and collected.

Didi Pickles: Please, our kids are lost in the storm! You've got to help us!

Ranger Frank: THERE'S DRAGONS OUT THERE! I'M A PARK RANGER! NOT A KNIGHT AT A ROUND TABLE! GO FIND SOMEBODY WITH A LANCE!

Ranger Margaret: [leaves with the grown-ups] Never mind him. Come with me.

Ranger Frank: [whimpering and sobbing hysterically] W-What are you, come here, the dragon, I saw...

Angelica Pickles: [[trips on a stone; Spike appears in front of her; the wolf appears behind her back; takes one of her skates off; tosses the skate towards the back, unknowingly striking the wolf's head] Hey, Spike! Where are you going, you dumb dog?! Hey! My rolly blade is cracked. Oh, Cynthia. Are they taking care of you? Will they know to comb your hair, or change you into your sports jumper with matching neckerchief at lunch time? Pee-yew, Spike! Dog breath! Spike?

Stu Pickles: [accidentally pops up the loose handlebars] Don't worry. This time she'll fly. I'm facing into the wind.

Lou Pickles: He's ready?

Chaz Finster: No.

Lou Pickles: [mishearing] Go?

Chaz Finster: [louder] No!

Lou Pickles: [still mishearing; drives off] All right, then!

Chuckie Finster: Oh, This is bad! Bad!

Phil DeVille: [sees Tommy coming back with the duffel bag] Shh! Here comes Tommy.

Lil DeVille: Put the blankie on him.

Tommy Pickles: Okay, guys! I got it.

Chuckie Finster: Um, I think it's gonna rain, Tommy.

Phil DeVille: Oh yeah, we better go.

Tommy Pickles: I gotta finish feeding my brother.

Lil DeVille: I don't think he's hungry.

Chuckie Finster: Yeah. Besides, he's, um...

Tommy Pickles: [lifts the blanket, and is shocked to see a baby monkey drinking a bottle] A monkey?

Phil DeVille: Wow! Look at that!

Tommy Pickles: My brother turned into a monkey?!

Chuckie Finster: Come on, Tommy. We gotta get outta here.

Tommy Pickles: I can't go home with my brother being a monkey!

Chuckie Finster: Oh, but Tommy, we gotta get to the lizard's house.

Tommy Pickles: [brightens] That's it! I'll get the lizard to wish him back into a people!

Phil DeVille: The lizard's only going to give us one wish.

Chuckie Finster: Yeah, and if you use it up on Dil, how are we gonna get home?

Tommy Pickles: He's my brother, Chuckie! I have to wish him back!

Lil DeVille: You can't do that!

Tommy Pickles: Yes, I can! What would you do if Phil turned into a monkey?

Lil DeVille: [Tommy and Chuckie gasped] That's different. I like Phillip! Besides, you'd be wasting your wish anyway, cause that's not even your brother. Wait a minute.

Chuckie Finster: What Lillian means is...um...the monkeys kind of took baby Dil, and we just - we thought you wouldn't mind a baby monkey instead.

Tommy Pickles: [shocked] What?!

Lil DeVille: Lookit, Tommy, nobody likes him!

Phil DeVille: We're gonna find that lizard, Tommy. You can find your brother by yourself!

Tommy Pickles: Will you help me, Chuckie?

Chuckie Finster: [refused] Sorry, Tommy.

Tommy Pickles: [shocked again] But-But you're my bestest friend.

Chuckie Finster: [tearing up] Yeah? Well, if-if I'm your bestest friend, then how come when I got throwed up on, you didn't help me? Huh, huh? And when I falled overboard, you didn't help me. And then when the monkey grabbed me, you didn't even care about my boo-boo.

Lil DeVille: Face it, Tommy. You don't got a bestest friend no more. All you gots is a brother.

Tommy Pickles: [dejected in tears, then decided; goes off to find Dil] Oh, um...fine. I'll go find him by myself.

Chuckie Finster: Do you think we'll still be able to find the lizard's house, Tommy?

Tommy Pickles: Sure, Chuckie. Long as I got my sponsatility, we'll never be losted.

Phil DeVille: Which way are we apposed to go?

Tommy: [uses his watch to find his way] Um...uh...um...that way.

Chuckie Finster: Hey, lookie, footprints. Maybe there's other babies around here.

Lil DeVille: Those are our feetprints, Chuckie.

Phil DeVille: You're leading us around and around, Tommy.

Tommy Pickles: But it was working before.

Lil DeVille: I don't think it ever worked. I think your sponsatility's broke, just like your brother.

Tommy Pickles: My brother is not broke!

Lil DeVille: He pulled the lever!

Phil DeVille: He tried to send us into the big Jacuzzi!

Lil DeVille: We could have been drowned.

Chucklie Finster: [as he covers his ears to avoid the argument, he spots something and points in fear] Hey, you guys! Clow-clow...

Lil DeVille: What is it, Chuckie?

Chuckie Finster: [points to a rail car with a clown's face painted on it] CLOWN!!

Phil DeVille: What's a train doing in the middle of the forest?

Lil DeVille: Maybe some giant baby losted his choo-choo.

Circus Monkeys: [singing; 4 more monkeys emerge from the top of the car. One of them is wearing a yellow hat, another is wearing a pink dress and carrying a parasol, and the 3rd monkey is an infant wearing a diaper] Ooh, eek! Ooh-ahh-ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang! Ooh-ee! Ooh-ahh-ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang!

Devo: [singing; a monkey holds onto Chuckie while another monkey, in a tree, pulls by its tail] You want to learn something that I can teach to you. You want to know a secret that I swear is true. Monkeys, we have more fun than humans ever do!

Circus Monkeys: [singing; a monkey takes Tommy away in a trike. 2 more monkeys, one of them with a bow on her head, walk on their hands while Phil and Lil ride on their feet. They crash down] Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang! Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang walla walla bing bang!

Devo: [singing] We learn to climb and swing before we learn to run. We like to party and there's room for everyone. Come by and see if you really wanna have some fun.

Circus Monkeys: [singing; the parasol monkey parachutes off the top of the car, with her baby holding on. Phil and Lil follow with a skeleton of a parasol, but crashes] Ooh, eee, ooh-ahh-ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang. Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang!

Devo: [singing; 3 monkeys hold onto Chuckie as he dives down; his glasses land onto Dil's head. The monkey with a parasol swipes the glasses and Dil's bottle, and feeds it to a baby monkey] You'll never see us tired cause we're way too smart for workin'. A monkey knows a lot more than a man. We love swinging in the trees and eating our bananas. Don't you know we never need a plan?

Dil Pickles: Mine! Mine!

Tommy Pickles: What? What do you want?

Dil Pickles: Hungry, hungry.

Circus Monkeys: [singing] Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh! Ting, tang, walla walla bing bang! Ooh, eee, ooh ahh ahh...

Tommy Pickles: [digs in the duffel bag, grunts, and opens a jar of banana baby food. He gives it to Dil] Oh, but I really wanna go play with the monkeys.

Dil Pickles: [eating the banana baby food; giggles, and makes a mess of himself] Hungry, hungry. Oh, boy.

Tommy Pickles: [leaves] Watch my brother! I gotta get the diapie bag!

Chuckie Finster: [tries to pull Dil away from the monkeys] Hey, leave him alone. He's not a nanner. Oh, no! Hey, guys, help! There's a monkey who's trying to take Tommy's brother!

Phil DeVille: So?

Chuckie Finster: [to the monkeys; Dil flies into Phil and Lil's arms, but a monkey in a tree tries to steal him. Meanwhile, he tries to take his glasses back from the baby monkey] Oh, just help me, okay? Don't touch my hair! Hey! Let go!

Phil and Lil DeVille: [mishearing; both let go of Dil's legs. Lil shrugged to her twin brother] Okay.

Chuckie Finster: [ambles around near him; accidentally steps on his glasses, cracking the lenses; puts it back on] Oh, this is just great. I tell you, it can't get any worser than, this.

Phil DeVille: Well, at least the monkeys are gone.

Lil DeVille: Yeah. And they took baby Dil with them.

Tommy Pickles: [singing] Slob the poop deck, Mr. Phil. Hoist the ankle, number one. A pirate's life is a life for me!

Lil DeVille: [singing] Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of yum!

Chuckie Finster: [singing] I get seasick on the sea!

Phil and Lil: [singing] Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of yum!

Phil DeVille: [singing] Hoist the Reptar flag real high!

Tommy Pickles: [singing] My sword is pointed to the sky!

Lil DeVille: [singing; Chuckie groans, nauseous] You need a patch across your eye! From Zanzibar...

Phil DeVille: [singing] ...to candy bar!

Both: [singing] Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!

Tommy Pickles: [singing] We search for treasures near and far!

Phil and Lil: [singing] Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!

Lil DeVille: [singing] Beware your ship should cross our path.

Phil DeVille: [singing] We'll shoot a cannon through your mast!

Chuckie Finster: [singing] Remove your gold baboons by half.

Dil Pickles: Yo-oh-oh-oh!

Tommy Pickles: [singing] A pirate's life is the life for me!

Both: [singing] Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!

Chuckie Finster: [singing] Adventure on the open sea.

Phil and Lil: [singing] Yo ho ho and a bottle of yum!

Babies: Oh!

Tommy Pickles: [saves Dil] Dil!

Chuckie Finster: [falls overboard; notices the water is shallow, it only reaches his hips. He stands up with a relieved smile. Suddenly, he feels a wiggling sensation in his pants and pulls out a fish] Help me, Tommy! Fish!

Phil DeVille: Man overboard!

Lil DeVille: [throws a life ring to Chuckie, which he was able to catch. The wagon tows him as if he was water skiing] Hang on, Chuckie!

Chuckie Finster: Aaahh!

Phil DeVille: Look at him go!

Chuckie Finster: Tommy, why didn't you help me?

Tommy Pickles: I'm sorry, Chuckie, but, Dil, he needed me and he's just a-

Phil and Lil DeVille: [drop Chuckie on the floor] Just a baby!

Lil DeVille: Uh-oh!

Tommy Pickles: [Chuckie and the twins grab the wheel and just manage steer the wagon away from the falls. Dil grabs a lever] Hard to port side. Turn! Turn around! Help me, you guys! Help! Dil, no!

Lou Pickles: Whoa now!

Stu Pickles: [a pully breaks from the ceiling and Dactar Lou; Ow fall towards Grandpa, who hits the deck. He and Chas flinch as dust fills the room; the dust settles to reveal Grandpa is sleeping under the wreckage, unharmed] I knew my Dactar would come in handy. Pop, are you okay? Oh, pop.

Lou Pickles: [finds a clue on the ground, and picks up a wrapper] Bingo! Lookie here! A wrapper from a Cynthia Sweet bar.

Drew Pickles: My angel! She's been here!

Lou Pickles: Yep, I figure she's tracking the sprouts. It's the Pickles blood. I myself spent 15 days tracking Sitting Bull through the Northwest Territory. The year was 19...

Howard DeVille: [he and Chaz return with news of another clue] Over here!

Chaz Finster: We found some wheel tracks and baby footprints heading into the woods. Well, actually, Howard found them. Honestly, I saw them.

Stu Pickles: They must be in my Reptar Wagon.

Drew Pickles: [sarcastically, angrily mimicking his brother] It's the perfect children's toy!" You and your stupid inventions!

Stu Pickles: [thinking; brightens] My stupid inventions? That's it!

Betty DeVille: [grabs a bullhorn from a policeman and speaks into it] All right, the pups are in the woods. You men follow those tracks. We'll head to the ranger station and start the search from there. NOW MOVE! HUT, HUT, HUT!

Didi Pickles: Stu, where are you going?!

Stu Pickles: [drives off with Lou and Chaz] Trust me, Deed. I have a plan!

Tommy Pickles: [to the babies; to Dil; Dil hits him with his baby bottle] Good job, you guys. We're almost there. Good, Dil. Now, play nice.

Phil DeVille: Not much fun back there, is it?

Tommy Pickles: [to Dil; Dil hits him again] Oh, we're doing okay. That's some good hittin there, Dilly.

Chuckie Finster: I'm hungry. Right about now my daddy would be making me a fried baloney sandwich. I can almost smell that burning. Ooh, it tastes all crunchy.

Tommy Pickles: [Dil hits him again] Stop it, Chuckie. You're making me hungry.

Chuckie Finster: Oh, no!

Lil Deville: We can't see our houses from here, Tommy.

Phil DeVille: We can't see any houses from here.

Chuckie Finster: We're doomed! Doomed. Doomed, I tell you!

Lieutenant Klavin: [picks up the pacifier; holds up the pacifier] Mrs. Pickles, I know this is hard for you, but can you identify this binky?

Phil DeVille: This is all Dil's fault! Right, Chuckie?

Chuckie Finster: Uh...

Tommy Pickles: Uh, uh! This never would've happened if you hadn't putted him in the wagon in the first place, right, Chuckie?

Chuckie Finster: Uh...Uh - Uh...

Lil DeVille: It's not our fault you got a bad, naughty, stinky baby for a brother!

Tommy Pickles: [Dil rips a tab on Tommy's diaper and it drops. He looks down, shocked and embarrassed, but he plays it off to defend his brother. The others stare at Tommy's exposure, with Lil in particular giving a peculiar creepy smile before looking away; picks up his diaper] He's not naughty. He's just a...he's just a...a baby! How could you be mad just because you're... ...um...standing there all nakie? I mean, I'm sure he's trying to help. And side's, it's hot, phew, exploring in the woods all day. Ah! A little breeze feels good. Just what I needed. Oh, thank you, Dil.

Phil DeVille: Those hiccups are really starting to bug me.

Lil DeVille: Face it, Tommy. Having a baby brother just isn't what you expected.

Chuckie Finster: [sees the smoke from the distance] Hey, you guys, look. Somebody's house. Tommy was right.

Tommy Pickles: [amazed] Wow. My sponsatility does work.

Phil DeVille: Yeah, but who'd have a house way out there in the forest?

Tommy Pickles: Maybe a lizard lives there.

Chuckie Finster: A lizard?

Tommy Pickles: You know, a big guy with a pointy hat that grants wishes. All's we got to do is knock on the door and say we wanna go home. See? Then everything will be back to Norman.

Phil DeVille: Thank, Bob!

Lil DeVille: Thank you, Bob.

Tommy Pickles: [trips on something] Come on, guys! We're off to see the lizard!

Chuckie Finster: [helps him up] Oh, Tommy, are you okay?

Tommy Pickles: I'm fine. I just tripped in a little hole, that's all.

Chuckie Finster: [studies the paw print] Gosh, it looks kinda like Spike's feet; only if he was a giant.

Phil DeVille: I saw feetprints like that in our storybook. A wolf made them, and then he ate that little red riding girl.

Chuckie Finster: The wolf ate a girl?

Phil DeVille: They got her out.

Tommy Pickles: [prepares to mimic a wolf sound, but the wolf's howl is heard in the distance. He looks around nervously] I don't think it's a wolf, Chuckie. If it was, we'd hear him say... Uhh...

Phil DeVille: That was pretty good.

Tommy Pickles: I didn't do anything.

Tommy Pickles: Do you see the wolf?!

Chuckie Finster: I don't know what he looks like!

Phil DeVille: Teeth! Teeth and fur! And teeth!

Tommy Pickles: No, Dil! Bad Dil! No!

Reptar Wagon: [roars] I am Reptar!

Ranger Frank: [turns off the radio] Margaret? That's your name, isn't it? I'm sure you've run afoul of many a scary pedestrian. But out here, we have what you might call...hmm, how should I put it? Actual danger.

Ranger Margaret: [gasps] Danger?

Ranger Frank: Grizzlies that'll rip the top off your car. Bobcats, wolves, wolverines, which are something entirely different.

Ranger Margaret: And dragons. Ha!

Chuckie Finster: Tommy, I sawed some grownups! Stop! Stop!

Tommy Pickles: [pushes several buttons in vain] I don't know how!

Lil DeVille: Well, I hope you figure it out, cause I didn't bring no bathing suit!

Phil DeVille: Any further, and I would've needed a fresh diapie.

Tommy Pickles: Dil, no!

Reptar Wagon: Aqua Reptar, engaged.

Ranger Margaret: I'm telling you, I saw a dragon.

Ranger Frank: Margaret.

Ranger Margaret: [rushes to the phone] A big green, fire-breathing dragon. I've got to call headquarters.

Ranger Frank: [sees the Reptar Wagon in his telescope. The wagon floats with the current in the water. He screams like a little girl and backs away from the telescope] While you're at it, you might ask for a new assignment, say, a city park. Cause, you see, out here in the country, you have to be just a little tougher. AAAH! AAH! THE DRAGON! I JUST SAW IT! I SAW IT!

Ranger Margaret: [looks through the telescope, but the wagon is nowhere to be seen] Where?! Where?! Where? Here? Where?

Reporter: There he is!

Reporter #1: Mr. Pickles, is it true you shipped your own children to Tokyo in a wooden box?

Reporter #2: Is it true a dingo ate your baby?

Reporter #3: Mr. Pickles, how many pecks of pickled peppers did you pick?

Rex Pester: [first words] Childhood, a time of innocence, a time of joy. A time of unspeakable, unrelenting tragedy. Mrs. Pickles, tell us how it feels to know you may never see your children again.

Betty DeVille: [disgusted] Criminy! Can't you pit bulls show some compassion?

Rex Pester: [back to Didi] I'm so sorry. Forgive me. Please tell us how it feels to know you may never see your children again.

Betty DeVille: [glares. She charges at at Rex. Lou and Stu hold her back] All right! That's it! Let me at him! All right! Come one! Come on!

Charlotte Pickles: Hold on, Jonathan. There's an alarming crowd at my in-law's indicating either a yard sale or a family tragedy. Let me get back to you.

Rex Pester: Mr. Pickles, how does it feel knowing your brother lost your only daughter?

Drew Pickles: [Furiously] He what?!

Rex Pester: Share your pain.

Drew Pickles: [his face boils red. He angrily lunges at Stu and violently fights him] YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Stu Pickles: YOU'RE BREAKING MY ARM!!

Drew Pickles: ONLY CAUSE I CAN'T REACH YOUR NECK!!!

Rex Pester: [goes back to the camera; displays the pictures of the babies, one by one, while incorrectly saying their names; caption "Rex Pester, Big Action News"] And there you have it. 2 sour Pickles and: young Tammy, baby Dale, the twins Bill and Jill, little Chunky, and poor Amelia, all vanished without a trace. I'm Rex Pester, and I'll be back with more "Big Action News"!

Chaz Finster: [rushes in] Mr. Swenson on Saton said he saw Angelica and Spike run through his garden and head north on I-99!

Charlotte Pickles: My baby!

Didi Pickles: Let's go!

Lou Pickles: [saluting] Private First Class Pickles reporting for duty!

Chaz Finster: Just get in! Come on!

Tommy Pickles: [pulls the wagon up the hill, while Chuckie, Phil and Lil push from behind. Dil is inside the wagon, drinking his juice box. They sing in an army chant] Forward, march! We are going up the hill!

Lil DeVille: We go back there without Dil!

Tommy Pickles: But you guys, he's not so bad.

Chuckie Finster: A frighty thing, he needs a bath.

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh!

Rugrats: Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh!

Rugrats: Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: Sometimes, he is lots of fun.

Phil DeVille: He's a big pain in our buns!

Tommy Pickles: Chuckie, do you think so, too?

Chuckie Finster: I just got a big boo boo!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh!

Rugrats: Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh!

Rugrats: Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: He's just a baby, don't you see?

Lil DeVille: We love to leave him in a tree!

Tommy Pickles: He'll get better when he's grown.

Phil DeVille: We'd like to feed him to a toad!

Tommy Pickles: Don't you think he's kind of sweet?

Lil DeVille: All he does is poop and eat!

Tommy Pickles: Chuckie, don't you like him too?

Chuckie Finster: [takes off his right shoe and pulls out a rock] I got a rock inside my shoe!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh!

Phil and Lil: Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh!

Phil and Lil: Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh! Nah-uh!

Phil and Lil: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Tommy Pickles: Nah-uh! Nah-uh!

Phil and Lil: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

Phil DeVille: [he Lil fall to the ground. Tommy lets go of the lead. The wagon rolls down the hill, narrowly missing Chuckie] Hey! Stop squirting. Oops.

Lil DeVille: [waves] Goodbye, baby.

Lil DeVille: The powder goes on his bottom, Tommy!

Tommy Pickles: Well, I'm doing the best I can.

Dil Pickles: [hits Tommy with his feet; giggles and pees] Pee-pee!

Phil DeVille: Look out!

Chuckie Finster: Stop it, Dil!

Tommy Pickles: Get him off me!

Chuckie Finster: [falls, then a frog jumps on his head; runs around and falls face first in a pile of leaves. The frog hops away; Phil and Lil help him up; starts to walk over to Tommy] AAH! FROG! FROG! AAH! Oh. Your brother made a frog jump on me!

Dil Pickles: Stop it!

Chuckie Finster: Stop it!

Dil Pickles: Stop it!

Chuckie Finster: You stop it!

Dil Pickles: Stop it!

Chuckie Finster: Stop it!

Tommy Pickles: [puts a diaper on Dil] Hey, guys, maybe we should stop playing around and figure out how to get home.

Lil DeVille: But, Tommy, we don't even know where we are.

Tommy Pickles: [pulls out his pocket watch] Uh, I know! I've got my sponsatility!

Lil DeVille: What's a sponsatility, Tommy?

Phil DeVille: Sounds yucky.

Tommy Pickles: [putting Dil in the Reptar Wagon] No, it's what you get for being a big brother. It's just like Okey-Dokey Jones uses when he has to find his way home.

Phil DeVille: [pulling a duffel bag to the Reptar Wagon] I thought that's called a crumpass.

Tommy Pickles: Well, my dad gave it to me, and he called it a sponsatility.

Phil DeVille: Where's it say to go?

Tommy Pickles: Well, um, uh, hmm. This way. Uh...That's the way! Straight up that hill!

Angelica Pickles: [they approach the scene of the mattress truck's crash, complete with tow truck and flares. Spike finds Dil's pacifier on the ground and stops. But she keeps going, and Spike is tugged along on his leash as they plummet into the woods. They bounce off several tree branches. She screams as she trips on her skates, then falls and lands upside down against a tree, knocking her unconscious. We fade out, then fade back in again once she comes to. As soon as her vision clears, the first thing she sees is Spike, holding her detective hat] Aahhh! Bad dog, bad dog! STOP! You know, not all dogs go to heaven.

Didi Pickles: I can't believe you left them with your father! The man slept through Pearl Harbor, for heaven's sake!

Lou Pickles: I sounded the alarm as soon as I could!

Lieutenant Klavin: Uh, Mrs. Pickles, does your son have any enemies?

Didi Pickles: Oh...

Lieutenant Klavin: Uh-huh. Any underworld or mob connections?

Didi Pickles: He's a baby!

Chuckie Finster: Where are we?

Tommy Pickles: I don't know. It looks kinda like the park.

Lil DeVille: Only bigger.

Chuckie Finster: Bigger? This place is bigger than the park and the backyard all put together. This is bad you guys. This is bad.

Lil DeVille: Uh-oh, Tommy, I think your brother is broke again.

Tommy Pickles: Oh, no. Dil, are you okay?

Phil DeVille: I think he's gonna explode.

Dil Pickles: Mama, me Backy-Poop.

Tommy Pickles: What?

Dil Pickles: [groans; a wet fart can be heard] MAMA, ME BACKY-POOP!!!

Babies: [gasping and moaning] Eww!

Tommy Pickles: Well, I guess we'll have to change his diapie.

Phil DeVille: What do you mean, we?

Air Crewman: I've turned this plane upside down, and I assure you there are no children.

Delivery Man: No.

Air Crewman: We found a kid, but he's not the one you're looking for.

Stu Pickles: [looking in the closet] Tommy!

Lou Pickles: [looking under the bed] Sprouts?

Stu Pickles: [looking down the basement] Dil!

Lou Pickles: [searching in a cookie jar] Angelica?

Stu Pickles: [searching under the kitchen sink] Where can they be? We gotta find them!

Didi Pickles: [entering] Find what?

Stu: [bangs his head under the sink] Ow!

Lou Pickles: [pointing at Stu] Einstein here lost the kids.

Stu Pickles: I lost the kids?!

Lou Pickles: See?

Stu Pickles: [Lou sleeps in the passenger seat. The mattress truck is right in front of Stu and Lou. The back door opens with the babies in view, jumping on a mattress. However, he isn't watching the road at that moment, as he's talking to Lou; the truck's back door closes shut just as he returns his attention back to the road. Trying to pass, he honks his horn; narrowly misses an oncoming car and inadvertently cuts off the mattress truck, causing it to swerve and crash through the guard rail and plunge into the forest. The truck driver leaps out just in time. The oblivious babies are still inside the truck, having fun] How could you fall asleep when you were supposed to be watching the kids?! We'll never find the babies with this jerk in front of us! Whoa!

Phil DeVille: This is more fun than picking noses!

Lil DeVille: Or making bubbles in the bathtub!

Chuckie Finster: I don't know if I should throw up or throw down!

Phil and Lil: Wow!

Chuckie Finster: What is that, you guys?

Lil DeVille: Reptar!

Phil DeVille: On wheels!

Chuckie Finster: What do you think it's for?

Phil DeVille: I don't know.

Lil DeVille: [climbs into the wagon] I bet it could take us to the baby store.

Phil DeVille: Great idea, Lillian. We could take Dil to the hopsicle and get Tommy's money back.

Lil DeVille: [climbs out] Yeah, it's money back bearanteed.

Chuckie Finster: Guys! Guys, Tommy's not gonna be happy about this.

Lil DeVille: [while he and Lili lug Dil towards the wagon and places him in there] Well, he's sure not happy now.

Chuckie Finster: Well...

Lil DeVille: You watch. Once Dil goes back to the baby store, Tommy will be happy here.

Chuckie Finster: I don't know about this.

Tommy Pickles: [enters the room] What are you doing?

Phil DeVille: We, uh, actually, Lillian was, uh...

Lil DeVille: We're taking Dil back to the hopsicle, Tommy. We're gonna get your moneys back.

Tommy Pickles: What?! You can't do that. My mommy and daddy wanna keep him!

Chuckie Finster: See? See?

Phil DeVille: Why? All he does is cry and poop.

Tommy Pickles: Well, so do you.

Phil DeVille: I don't cry that much!

Tommy Pickles: Well, you poop an awful lot!

Phil DeVille: Look who's talking, Mr. Chocolate Pants!

Tommy Pickles: I am not a poopie monster!

Announcer: ..."Shirley-lock Holmes, Girl Detective", right after these messages.

Lil DeVille: Poopie, poopie, poopie.

Phil DeVille: We thought you'd be happy, Tommy!

Tommy Pickles: Well, I'm not!

Angelica Pickles: [Dil sees Cynthia and swipes her from her] Hey, babies. Knock it off! Cynthia and me are trying to watch TV! Huh? Hey, hands off the merchandise, pinkie.

Phil and Lil: Pretty good.

Tommy Pickles: Be nice, Angelica. He didn't mean it.

Angelica Pickles: [grabs Tommy by his collar; drops Tommy into the wagon; kicks the Reptar Wagon, which moves towards the front door, hurting her foot; hopping while holding her foot in pain, her hears on the TV that the show is out of commercials; slams the door] You wanna ride in a wagon? I'll give you a ride...to outside space! Ow! My show! Next commercial, you babies are in big trouble!

Lil DeVille: All aboard!

Chuckie Finster: [to himself, as the Reptar Wagon rides outside, carrying the babies; to the babiess; climbs into the moving Reptar Wagon, which has now left the house, down the street] Just walk away, Chuckie. Walk away. Ooh! Wait for me!

Phil DeVille: Which way to the hospicle?

Tommy Pickles: We're not going to the hospicle!

Chuckie Finster: Well, we're going somewhere!

United Express Driver: Uh, pardon me. Pickup for Pickles to Japan?

Lou Pickles: [yawning] Take it away, take it away.

United Express Driver: Yeah, have a good day.

Angelica Pickles: [notices that Cynthia is missing; proceeds to the front door; gasps; sees that the babies and the Reptar Wagon are gone. She only sees Cynthia's shoe on the welcome mat] Pipe down, Spike! Me and Cynthia are watching... Cynthia? Nice try, babies. Now gimme back my... CYNTHIAAAA!

Angelica Pickles: [unties the leash from the doghouse; Spike runs off, with her in tow] They took Cynthia, Spike! Come on! You're gonna be my butt-hound! We gotta search every doghouse, playhouse, tree house and doll house! I want those foogitives back in custardy. Whoa! Bad dog! Bad dog! STOP!

Stu Pickles: [on the phone; sees that the crate's gone] Deed, just go to the spa and relax. Pop and I are doing fine taking care of the, uh... Pop, where's the crate?

Lou Pickles: [wakes up] Oh, I guess the delivery folks must've come.

Stu Pickles: Wow. They loaded her up and everything, huh?

Didi Pickles: [on phone] Stu, let me talk to Tommy.

Stu Pickles: Sure, I'll let you talk to Tommy. Pop...uh...uh, where are the kids?

Lou Pickles: That's funny. They were here a minute ago, playing in the...

Stu and Lou: [look outside the open front door] THE CRATE!

Stu Pickles: [hangs up, then glares at Lou in anger] Uh, Honey...I'm gonna have to...call you back.

Stu Pickles: [after setting him on the workbench; holds out a pocket watch and gives it to Tommy; opens the watch to reveal a taped photo of Tommy and Dil inside; Tommy looks at it, intrigued; Tommy scowls and puts down the watch; opens a drawer, then pulls out a picture of himself and Drew, when they were kids; puts a chain on the watch; puts Tommy on his lap] We weren't going to give you this until you were a little bit older, but I think now's the right time. Shiny, huh? And Grandpa Lou put your picture inside. I know it's hard, Tommy. You have a little brother now, and that's a big change. Uh, Dil can be pretty tough to get along with, huh? But sometimes little brothers, they aren't everything you'd hoped they'd be. That's why big brothers have got to have faith. And one day, you'll see...he'll change. After all... you've got responsibility now. I know I can trust that you'll stick by Dil's side and be a swell big brother.

Tommy Pickles: [looks at the watch in his hands; thinking] Sponsatility...

Chuckie Finster: Oh, darn.

Lou Pickles: [dumps the babies out of the crate, picks it up, and moves it to the next room] Hey, sprouts, crate's no place for you to play. You wouldn't want to get shipped to Japan with Reptar, now would you? I better put this where I can keep an eye on it.

Chuckie Finster: Dil, that's Tommy's blankie.

Tommy Pickles: Yeah, it used to sleep with me before we even got you.

Dil Pickles: [hits Tommy with his rattle] My blankie!

Chuckie Finster: [Dil hits him with the rattle] He's not very nice. Ow!

Lil DeVille: That's not how you get things from a brother, Tommy.

Tommy Pickles: It's not?

Lil DeVille: [shoves Tommy and Chuckie, then tries to take a Reptar doll from Phil] No, it's not. Here, watch.

Phil DeVille: Hey, that's my Reptar, Lillian!

Lil DeVille: Is not, Phillip!

Phil DeVille: Is too, Lillian!

Lil DeVille: Is not!

Phil DeVille: Is too!

Lil DeVille: [tosses Phil to the floor. The arguing immediately stops] Is not! See, Tommy? Now you try it.

Dil Pickles: Teddy mine!

Tommy Pickles: Mine!

Dil Pickles: Mine!

Tommy Pickles: Mine!

Dil Pickles: Mine!

Tommy Pickles: Mine!

Dil Pickles: [hits Tommy on the head with his rattle] Mine!

Phil DeVille: Gosh, Tommy learns fast.

Lil DeVille: Yeah.

Stu Pickles: Hurry, Pop, they'll be here to pick it up any minute.

Angelica Pickles: Daddy, why can't I watch Shirley-Lock Holmes at our house? I'll never be able to hear it with that new baby squawking the whole time!

Drew Pickles: Now, sweetheart, Daddy's gotta put in a little overtime today, so that Mommy won't be so ashamed of his quarterly earnings.

Angelica Pickles: Hi, Uncle Stu. Sorry to hear your pony is so slow.

Stu Pickles: But we don't have a pony Angelica.

Angelica Pickles: [to Drew] Then how come you told Mommy, Aunt Didi got saddled with a loser?

Stu Pickles: Loser?

Drew Pickles: [laughs nervously] He-He...I...

Stu Pickles: [angrily slams the door] Excuse me, bro. My tax deductions are CRYING!

Drew Pickles: [furiously opens the door again and angrily puts Angelica's things inside; slams the door] YOU CAN'T DEDUCT THEM IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY INCOME!

Stu Pickles: Tommy! Dil! Boys, what are you doing?!

Chuckie Finster: Ohh...

Stu Pickles: [tries to take the teddy bear, causing Dil to start wailing; returns the teddy bear to Dil. This stops Dil's crying, but now Tommy cries; picks up Tommy; takes him to his workshop] Dil...let's say we give Tommy a little turn with the bear, huh? Or not. Hey, champ, why don't you come with me for a minute? I got something to show you that's even better than your old teddy bear.

Didi Pickles: And then the wizard looked down at the little boy and said: "your wish has been granted". And the little boy looked...

Stu Pickles: [enters with the still-crying Dil] Deed! Help!

Didi Pickles: [to Tommy] I'll be back, sweetie.

Stu Pickles: [Dil hiccups; sobs] All I did was cough, Deed. I tried not to, but I had a feeling in my throat. And then I coughed! And now he's crying! And now he's got the hiccups!

Didi Pickles: [places a baby pacifier into Stu's mouth. He stops crying and sucks on it; she cranks a baby mobile] Oh, Stu. Stu, why don't you sing Dil a lullaby?

Stu Pickles: [spits out the pacifier] I'm too tired to sing...

Didi Pickles: All right. I'll make something up.

Stu Pickles: Good.

Didi Pickles: [singing] Baby, please, rest your head.

Stu Pickles: [singing] Yeah...now it is time for bed.

Didi Pickles: [spoken] That's good.

Stu Pickles: [spoken] Thanks.

Didi Pickles: You're cuter than, uh...

Stu Pickles: [singing; chuckles] Uncle Ned!

Didi Pickles: [singing] Our little...

Stu Pickles: [singing] Uh...quadruped?

Didi Pickles: [spoken] Oh, Stu...

Stu Pickles: [spoken] Oh.

Didi Pickles: [spoken] It didn't work.

Stu Pickles: [spoken] I know.

Didi Pickles: [spoken] He's still awake.

Stu Pickles: [spoken] I got one. I got one.

Didi Pickles: [spoken; hands Dil off to Stu] Okay.

Stu Pickles: [singing; dances with Dil in his arms] Twinkle! Twinkle! How times flies...

Didi Pickles: [singing] Slowly in the starry skies.

Stu Pickles: [singing; getting his eye very close to Dil] Baby, please, close your eyes!

Didi Pickles: [singing] Shh, shh, shh...you're as sweet as...

Stu Pickles: [singing] Apple pies!

Didi Pickles: [tucks Dil in his crib as he hiccups again] As you grow, and love and play...

Stu Pickles: [singing] In our hearts, you'll always stay.

Didi Pickles: [singing; leans her head on the side of Dil's crib. lights are turned out. Dil falls asleep. She kisses Dil] So sleep and dream the night away...ayy...

Stu Pickles: [spoken] Ah, that was good.

Tommy Pickles: [singing; shed some tears while holding the slipper close to himself and hugs it] Baby, please, rest your head. Now it is time for bed. Please stop. Don't you see? I want mom and dad for me.

Igor: Serge, you stay here and watch monkeys, I get us coffee.

Serge: No, Igor, you stay and watch monkeys and I get us coffee.

Igor: Nyet! Monkeys watch you, I GET COFFEE!

Serge: You know, I think coffee's better in St. Petersburg.

Igor: Nyet, is better in Kiev.

Serge: No, it's better in St. Petersburg.

Igor: Nothing is better in St. Petersburg!

Serge: [sees this and spits out his drink; the men rush out, bumping over tables and other customers] Look! The train! Let me out! Stop!

Stu Pickles: [exhausted; lays on the floor with Dil] Oh, for the love of Pete. What do you want from us? What? What?

Didi Pickles: Oh, there must be something in here we missed. Somewhere, somehow, something!

Stu Pickles: [grabs the book from Didi and looks inside; we skim the text of the book as he reads it. After the second "infant", we cut to his blood-shot eyes, then to an exhausted him and Didi on the couch] There must be. Let me see here! Cats, colic, Creole baby food. Uh, oh yeah, here it is. Crying... Although a baby's crying signifies a disruption in the infant-parent matrix, the good-enough parent pacifies the infant during this period of primary narcissism, foregoing their own needs, sublim-, sublimating, sublimating all their own needs too.

Dr. Lipschitz: [singing; Stu and Didi "wake up"; one of the winged babies take away the Lipschitz book, while the other baby picks up Dil and takes him away; plops dunce caps on Stu and Didi; a book on top of a pile of books opens, and he picks up the couple and drops them into some sort of netherworld. In that world, Stu and Didi races up a "staircase" of books; Stu and Didi then appear as small babies - Stu in diapers, and Didi all wrapped up, sucking on a pacifier; Twin Lipschitzes appear on either side of the crib. They embrace each other, then turn into a Rorschach print, which he holds, while sitting in a chair; a saw saws a hole underneath Stu & Didi, then, they fall through. They are picked up by a giant stork by its claws, holding him inside its beak, while flying with a flock of storks. Cut to a puppet theater, with puppeteer Lipschitz holding Stu and Didi puppets. Tommy and Dil snatch the puppets from him, and fight over them; the Pickles' house plops on top of them. As its walls bulge, Stu & Didi rush out with Dil, dodging falling giant baby items - rattle, baby bottle, safety pin; Dil grows unbelievably large, crushing Stu & Didi; Dil's diaper bulges, then explodes. Cut to Stu, changing Dil's diaper. He pops out of a diaper pail, yelling; cut to Didi, rocking Tommy & Dil to sleep. They start to cry when he rolls up a window and shouts; cut to Stu, strolling Dil with Tommy on his back. He looks with a magnifying glass, as Drew, Betty and Charlotte look on; cut to Dil crying, in an auto carrier. Stu and Didi rush to his aid, when he, with Chaz, Lou and Howard looking on, opens the roof and says; cut to Stu, Didi and Dil rushing through the city. The winged babies picked them up and flew them to a temple of justice. He appears as a "lawyer"; then appears as a giant baby, standing on the table, between Dil and Tommy; leaps to the couple. Then, he goes to a jury of Dils, which gives "thumbs down". The couple magically appears in prison garb, and a ball and chain] Raising a baby is a serious venture. Not to be embarked upon by the faint of heart. Parents must make choices that are perfect and wise, / For you're doing something wrong when the baby cries. You must consider, the psychology of an infant, Nature vs. Nurture, / Feed the ego; starve the mind. You must anticipate each crisis sure to arise, / For you're doing something wrong when the baby cries. Don't forget the older when attending to the younger, / Sibling rivalry can damage all of you. Be a mother, don't smother, / Why do you want a neurosis? Failure to oralise can lead to toilet training disturbances. Wrong! Wrong! Careful, now! No, no, no! Bad parents! Bad parents! Raising a baby is a complicated venture. / Not to be embarked on by a weaker constitution. It's really something different, from what we fantacise, / You are doing something wrong when the baby cries. It's really very different, from what we fantacise, / You are doing something wrong when the baby...starts to...cry!

Stu Pickles: Didi, what are we gonna do? He hasn't stopped crying since we brought him home!

Phil DeVille: Somehow it's not as much fun around here anymore.

Chuckie Finster: Yeah! What's your brother so sad about?

Tommy Pickles: I don't know! But whatever it is, it must be really bad.

Lil DeVille: Maybe he's broked!

Tommy Pickles: What?!

Both: Broked!

Tommy Pickles: [Stu, Didi and a still-crying Dil walk by] Broked? He's not broked! He's, uhh...just a little loud!

Angelica Pickles: [Out of Sailor Dressing-Up] Ooh, that baby's getting on my nerves!

Announcer: [circus logo slides into view] Direct from Moscow, the Banana Brothers Monkey Circus! Featuring the most amazing monkeys since Brezhnev! This is real monkey business, so Trotsky on down. The Banana Brothers Monkey Circus!

Angelica Pickles: GRANDPA! CAN WE GO TO THE CIRCUS?!

Lou Pickles: It's enough of a circus around here already!

Lucy Carmichael: [to the staff] All right, Didi, you can do it. Push now! Have we got a good reading on the EFM?

Lucy Carmichael: Here it comes. Gorgeous!

Stu Pickles: Deed, she's so beautiful. She's...She's a boy!

Didi Pickles: Hello, my wonderful, sweet baby boy.

Stu Pickles: Well, I guess we won't be naming him after my mother.

Didi Pickles: He doesn't look much like a Trixie. What about my cousin Dylan?

Stu Pickles: Dylan Prescott Pickles. Hmm.

Nurse: Dil Pickles.

Stu Pickles: Yeah...I like it.

Lou Pickles: [gently puts down Tommy next to Didi] Here you go, sprout.

Didi Pickles: Tommy, I want you to meet someone very special. This is your brother, Dylan. Dil, this is Tommy.

Tommy Pickles: [gasps in wonder; reaches his hand out] Baby...

Didi Pickles: See? They already love each other.

Betty DeVille: [to Chaz] Well, that's a start.

Dr. Lipschitz: [on monitors] Welcome to the Werner P. Lipschitz Center for Holistic Birthing, offering the modern parent the state of the art in primitive birth alternatives.

Nurse: Oh, Mrs. Pickles! You weren't due till next week, now, dear. Geez, well, I guess we could try and squeeze you in somewhere, huh?

Didi Pickles: But Dr. Lipschitz promised us the all-natural Zen experience in the Tibetan terrace room!

Boris Kropotkin: In my day, a woman just dropped her baby in the potato field and kept going.

Nurse: [opens door to a room that has maternity equipment in a middle of a potato field, complete with cows and a farmer] Ah, yes, the old country room.

Didi Pickles: Do you have anything a little cleaner?

Nurse: Well, we could try the aquatic immersion room.

Minka Kerpackter: She's having a baby, not a gefilte fish!

Lucy Carmichael: [laughs] Oh! Stu, Didi, Randy called to say you were on your way. I didn't realize you were bringin the whole party! How far apart are the pains, hon?

Stu Pickles: [Didi squeezes his hand very tight] Oh, they're... pretty much constant.

Lucy Carmichael: Okay, Didi, let's go and get you settled in, huh?

Lou Pickles: Here you go, sprout.

Didi Pickles: [to Tommy] Don't worry, sweetie, mommy's going to be okay.

Chuckie Finster: Oh, gosh, Tommy, your mommy sure seems upset.

Lil DeVille: Maybe your baby sister really is losted.

Tommy Pickles: Whoa! Maybe we can buy her a new one.

Chuckie Finster: Where're we gonna find a baby in a place like this?

Lou Pickles: You got any queens?

Boris Kropotkin: Go fish.

Phil DeVille: Hey, a baby store.

Lil DeVille: Nice and wiggly.

Tommy Pickles: You guys, help me pick one my mom will like.

Lisa Loeb: [singing] Where am I?

B-Real: [singing] How did I get here?

Patti Smith: [singing] Things look different than yesterday.

Lou Rawls: [singing] So this is the world?

Laurie Anderson: [singing] I miss my old womb.

Gordon Gano: [singing] The wallpaper here just ain't the same.

Fred Schneider: [singing; hides under a blanket] This world is something strange.

Lisa Loeb: [singing] I'm wet.

Phife Dawg: [singing; wrapped in a blanket] I'm cold!

Lenny Kravitz: [singing; waggles his diaper] I need a change!

Chorus: [tossed their blankets in air] This world is something new to me.

Phife Dawg: [singing] Oh, my head! What is this? I can't take it!

Dawn Robinson: [singing; on an adjacent monitor] Me either!

Beck: [singing] I'm hungry.

Lou Rawls: [singing] I'm tired.

Jakob Dylan: [singing; pounds a crib floor to make a pacifier bounce] I'm irritated!

Lou Rawls: [singing; moves his legs] But I love the extra leg room.

Patti Smith: [singing; points to her bellybutton] Man! They cut my cord!

Iggy Pop: [singing; looks in his diaper] Ohoho, consider yourself lucky!

B-Real: [singing] This world is way too big!

Iggy Pop: [singing; baby points at Chuckie, who's pressing his face against the glass] And populated by fuzzy pigs.

Chorus: This world is something new to me.

Fred Schneider: [singing; Passes Gas, causing his diaper to inflate] This world is such a gas.

Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson: [singing] UGH! P.U., where's your class?

Chorus: This world is something new to me.

Beck: [singing] Quiet! Can't a guy get some shuteye?!

Patti Smith: [singing] It's so noisy in here!

Iggy Pop: [singing; grabs a bottle from Chuckie and chugs it down] I can barely hear myself suck!

Jakob Dylan: [singing] The food here tastes pretty good.

Phife Dawg: [singing] My compliments to the chef.

Dawn Robinson: [singing] And you gotta holler to get fed.

Lou Rawls: [singing] But I could get used to that.

Lisa Loeb: [singing] This world is way too bright.

Beck: [singing] Can't somebody turn down the light?

Gordon Gano: [singing; looks inside his diaper] So that's what that thing looks like.

Jakob Dylan: [singing] All things here are meant for play,

Fred Schneider: [singing] It's gonna be a real cool day.

Chorus: [one of the newborns screams Ba-da-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu. Baby boy; "Real cool", while another one says, "La-la-la-la!". As a rainbow forms from the "fountain" at the circle-shaped light] This world is something new to me. This world is something new to me.

Lou Pickles: There you are!

Boris Kropotkin: Oy, gevalt! You kinder gave my ticker such a scare!

Rugrats: Oh!

Chuckie Finster: Tommy, somebody's been coloring your room.

Tommy Pickles: Yep, it's for my new sister.

Phil DeVille: How are we gonna find her, Tommy?

Chuckie Finster: Yeah, we don't even know what she looks like.

Lil DeVille: Well, she's a girl like me, so we know she'll be prettyful.

Angelica Pickles: [enters, carrying a big bunch of cookies using the lower part of her dress; shoves babies en route to table; dumps the cookies on the table] Oh, brother! You dumb babies got a lot to learn about the facts of life. Now, get out of my way. I gotta get back to the dessert table before the grownups get all the good stuff.

Tommy Pickles: Angelica, can you help us find my baby sister?

Angelica Pickles: I wouldn't be in such a big hurry if I was you, Tommy. Cause when the new baby gets here, she's gonna gets all the toys and the love and the attention. And your mommy and daddy will forget all about you. It'll be like, "Look, Deed...there's that little bald kid in the house again.

Tommy Pickles: My mommy and daddy won't forget me.

Angelica Pickles: That's what Spike said before you were born. Back when his name was Paul.

Tommy Pickles: Paul?

Angelica Pickles: Yeah, but, then you came along and they put him out in the rain and he turned into a dog.

Tommy Pickles: That's not gonna happen to me, Angelica. My mommy and daddy will love me no matter what!

Susie Carmichael: [singing] A baby is very neat, a baby is a special treat.

Angelica Pickles: [looks on from Tommy's room] Ugh! Who does Susie Carmichael think she is?

Susie Carmichael: [singing; Angelica leaves while the other babies watch from inside. Cut to outside. All are singing, unless specified; Angelica is next to Didi's belly, chuckling, as she plans to make her move] A baby has lots of toes, a baby has a tiny nose. A baby is a little dickens, a baby is a cuddly chicken. A baby is lots of joy.

Angelica Pickles: [singing; barging in obnoxiously] A baby will get all the toys!

Susie Carmichael: [whispers; continues singing] What are you doing? A baby has a smiley face...

Angelica Pickles: [singing] A baby is from outside space!

Susie Carmichael: [whispers] Angelica!

Angelica Pickles: [whispers] Susie!

Susie Carmichael: [singing] A baby is extra fancy.

Angelica Pickles: [singing; laughs] A baby poops in his pantsies!

Susie Carmichael: Cut it out!

Angelica Pickles: No!

Susie Carmichael: [singing] Like a birdie, singing in a tree!

Angelica Pickles: [singing obnoxiously] More like Reptar, screaming in your ear!

Both: [singing] A baby is a gift, a gift from a Bob! A baby is a gift from a Bob, Bob, Bob! A baby is a gift.

Susie Carmichael: [singing] A gift from a Bob!

Chuckie Finster: Do you really think babies are a gift from a Bob?

Tommy Pickles: I don't know. Why?

Chuckie Finster: [points to the baby shower gifts on a nearby table] Because if Bob bringed a gift, it's probably one of them.

Susie Carmichael: [singing] A baby is very special!

Angelica Pickles: [singing] A baby is, is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!

Didi Pickles: [painfully groans in discomfort] Oh! Betty, it's time!

Betty DeVille: It's time? Oh, boy. Everybody to your stations, people! Howard, get Stu. Charlotte, call the hospital. Deed, start your breathing. Come on, good girl.

Lou Pickles: [picks up Tommy] Up we go, sprout. We got a Pickle to deliver.

Howard DeVille: [picks up his twins] Let's go to the car, kids.

Charlotte Pickles: Would somebody turn that sprinkler off?!

Lou Pickles: Now, that's what I call a "baby shower!

Chuckie Finster: Ahh! This place give me the juicebumps!

Phil DeVille: Maybe we should go back!

Lil DeVille: Very back!

Tommy Pickles: [the babies move near a door-shaped like Angelica's head. They act surprised. Inside the "mouth" is a bright, orange-colored light] No, We can't go back now, you guys! Okey-Dokey Jones never goes back! Hang on to your diapies, babies, we're goin in!

Chuckie Finster: [voice-over; as he talks, Tommy races toward the door. As he gets there, the door slams, while he raced in there once it's open, and after he enters, it slams shut again. Phil and Lil look surprised; Phil and Lil hold hands and rush in through the door, which closed behind them; he's hesitant to enter, but is whipped in by Tommy; giggles] That's Tommy Pickles. He's the bravest baby I ever knowed! And that's Phil and Lil. Uh, uh, well, they, they like worms. And I'm Chuckie. Uh...I'm not so brave. But that's okay, cause I got Tommy, and he's my bestest friend.

Chuckie Finster: Watch out!

Tommy Pickles: Keep moving! It's right behind us!

Chuckie Finster: Tommy! Help me!

Tommy Pickles: [looking back at Chuckie and the gate, he then grabs Chuckie's hand, pulling him up] Come on, Chuckie!

Didi Pickles: [The babies scream and run away] Tommy! You kids shouldn't be playing in here!

Chuckie Finster: [voice-over; the babies bumped into Spike, and run face-first into glass patio door, then fall over] We thought the fun times would last forever. But we was wrong.

Didi Pickles: Oh, my.

Betty DeVille: [holds onto Didi as she picks up the babies] Upsy-daisy, Didi.

Didi Pickles: Thanks.

Susie Carmichael: Thank you for inviting me to your baby shower, Mrs. Pickles.

Didi Pickles: Glad you could be here, Susie.

Woman Guest: What a pretty party dress, Angelica.

Angelica Pickles: [first words; Susie laughs while making fun of her Sailor Dressing-Up] Thank you, my mommy's assistant bought it, especially for my Aunt Didi's party. Don't say a word.

Aunt Miriam: All right, I got $20 on 8 pounds, 6 ounces. 8 pounds 6. Who's got 8-7?

Male Guest: I'm in for 12!

Aunt Miriam: 12 pounds? What are you, crazy?

Chaz Finster: Gosh, you can hardly tell she's gained any weight.

Woman Guest: Oh, don't worry.

Chaz Finster: I mean, you know from behind.

Minka Kerpackter: There you are, Didila. Come. Look what we got for you. Boris, move your tuchus.

Didi Pickles: A goat? Oh, Mom, you shouldn't have.

Minka Kerpackter: Nothing better for the little bubula than goat's milk.

Boris Kropotkin: [the babies run and bump into the goat and it bleats] Except maybe yak. But you try finding good yak these days. He's saying, "Hello". There you go, kinderwund, some chocolate coins.

Woman Guest: Everything I, oh...

Phil DeVille: Aren't you gonna eat it, Tommy?

Tommy Pickles: Nope. I'm saving it for my baby sister.

Chuckie Finster: Oh, you mean, she finally came?

Tommy Pickles: Not yet, but they're giving her this big party, so I'm pretty sure today's the day.

Lil DeVille: Do you think she got losted on her way to the party?

Tommy Pickles: Hmm, I don't know. Maybe we better go look for her. Come on!

Chuckie Finster: Uh, but, Tommy, she could be anywheres.

Betty DeVille: Watch it, pups.

Didi Pickles: Careful.

Charlotte Pickles: [on phone; to Didi, as she pats her stomach with her cellphone] I'll get back to you, Jonathan. I've got to say "hi" to the life of the party. How's our little man?

Didi Pickles: [rubs her stomach] I told you, Charlotte, Dr. Lipschitz says it's a girl.

Betty DeVille: Ha! That windbag thought Phil and Lil were intestinal gas.

Aunt Miriam: Face it, dolly. Riding high, it's a guy.

Charlotte Pickles: [her phone then rings] Well, you know what they say, "Born under Venus, look for a-" Hello?

Didi Pickles: Now, now, Dr. Lipschitz is the expert. I don't see any of you with a PHD in Latin.

Betty DeVille: Yeah, Pig Latin maybe. Well, let's just hope for Tommy's sake it's a girl. I'd hate to think how much my pups would be squabbling if they were both boys.

Didi Pickles: Uh, uh, uh. Let's not do any gender stereotyping. After all, Stu and Drew are brothers, and they get along just fine.

Stu Pickles: Pushy!

Drew Pickles: Lazy!

Stu Pickles: Bossy!

Drew Pickles: Inconsiderate!

Stu Pickles: Nosy!

Drew Pickles: Good for nothing!

Stu Pickles: Busybody!

Stu Pickles and Drew Pickles: [in unison] WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!

Drew Pickles: We're talking about a real job, Stu, with benefits!

Stu Pickles: [Drew gasps in shock; pulls down his welding mask and proceeds to weld] I'm not going to waste my life as a clock-punching, paper-pushing, bean-counting... Oh, no offense.

Drew Pickles: You barely make ends meet now. You got no insurance, no savings, and another kid on the way!

Stu Pickles: [puts down his welding mask] For your information, bro, I am working on something right now that is going to put this branch of the Pickles family on easy street.

Drew Pickles: [angrily lifts up Stu's welding mask again] What is it this time, huh, an electric sponge?

Stu Pickles: [reveals his skeleton of the Reptar Wagon] Of course not! That was last year. This, this is the Reptar Wagon! The ultimate in toddler transportation! The perfect children's toy!

Lou Pickles: [while fixing an old radio] In my day, we had plenty of fun just throwin rocks at each other. Big bag of dirt clods, that's what the kids want.

Stu Pickles: The Reptar Corporation is holding a toy design contest and the winner gets $500!

Drew Pickles: [sarcastically] Ooh!

Stu Pickles: And there'll be plenty more if this toy's a hit, and I'll be famous!

Drew Pickles: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you said when you built that stupid thing.

Stu Pickles: [speaking into a microphone with his normal voice] Maybe Dactar was a little bit complex, but...this...this...watch! I am Reptar! Hear me roar!

Reptar Wagon: [Stu's voice, distorted] I am Reptar! Hear me roar!

Lou Pickles: [putting out some flames on his sleeve] Con-flam it! Can't a man work in his own basement without gettin barbecued?!

Stu Pickles: Okay, so maybe real fire isn't the best idea for a children's toy.