The Squid and the Whale Quotes

Sophie ], by Franz Kafka] Yeah. I mean, it's gross when he turns into the bug, but I love how matter of fact everything is.

Walt Yeah, it's very Kafkaesque.

Sophie Cause it's written by ].

Walt Right. I mean, clearly.

Joan You're living with a twenty-year-old.

Bernard It's none of your business, Joan.

Joan It's my business when you have our kids! It's confusing for them. Frank says Walt's in love with her.

Bernard Walt has a girlfriend. Fuck off, Joan. I don't ask about you and Ivan. Stay out of my life. I can't believe you'd talk to me like this. You left all those fucking ticket stubs and letters lying around! You wanted me to know. It was fucking torture, Joan! FUCKING TORTURE!

Joan Berkman You're being a shit, Walt!

Bernard You'll have to share the bathroom with the boys. They get the upstairs and I have my own.

Lili That's all right, as long as Walt remembers to pull the seat down.

Bernard Berkman Put me in your mouth.

Tagline Joint Custody Blows.

School Therapist I wonder how you're feeling right now.

Walt I don't know.

School Therapist Why don't you tell me about something less uncomfortable, like a nice memory, maybe?

Walt Isn't that kind of a stock question for a shrink?

School Therapist Yes. That's more or less how this works.

Walt I can't think of anything right now

School Therapist Just think. Come one. Just something. Meet me halfway here.

Walt Um, alright, let's see. Okay, um, when I was around six my mom and I, she and I ducked out of Julie Glynn's birthday party to watch Robin Hood together on our TV.

School Therapist That sounds like a nice memory.

Walt I liked ].

School Therapist Errol Flynn. That's all?

Walt And... I was glad she let me leave the party early to watch the movie. She and I loved that movie. It's like... It's like we were pals then. You know, we'd do things together. We'd look at the knight armor at the Met, the scary fish at the natural history museum. I was always afraid of the squid and the whale fighting. I could only look at it with my hands in front of my face. When we'd get home, after my bath, she'd go through all the different things we saw that day at the museum and... And we'd get to the Squid and the Whale and she'd describe it for me which was, maybe, still scary but it was less scary. Anyway, it was fun, it was fun to hear about it.

School Therapist Did your dad live at home back then?

Walt Yeah, why?

School Therapist You didn't mention him. Where was he during all of this?

Walt He was... I don't know, exactly. He was... He was downstairs, maybe. He didn't ever come to the museum. This was before my brother was born. This was before... It was earlier.

Bernard Berkman You know, you have to try. If you don't try, it's no fun for me.

Lili Why did you stop?

Bernard I'm your teacher.

Lili You know, I've always wondered what it'd be like to fuck you.

Bernard Your mum and I, we're going to separate. I've got you Tuesday, Wednesday and every other Thursday.

Walt And what about the cat?

Joan Shit! The cat!

Bernard We didn't discuss the cat.

Bernard Joan, let me ask you something. All that work I did at the end of our marriage, making dinners, cleaning up, being more attentive. It never was going to make a difference, was it? You were leaving no matter what...

Joan You never made a dinner.

Bernard I made burgers that time you had pneumonia.

Walt It's ] masterpiece, really. Many people think it's ], but ], if it hadn't been ruined by the studio, would've been his crowning achievement. As it is, it's still brilliant. It's the old story, genius not being recognized by the industry.

Lance It sounds great. Who's in it?

Walt Orson Welles? I don't know, I haven't seen it yet. I've seen stills.

Bernard Ivan is fine but he's not a serious guy, he's a ].

Frank What's a philistine?

Bernard It's a guy who doesn't care about books and interesting films and things. Your mother's brother Ned is also a philistine.

Frank Then I'm a philistine.

Bernard No, you're interested in books and things.

Frank No, I'm a philistine.

Joan Berkman You're calling me a bitch?

Lili Do you think...

Lili Oh shit! Fuck!

Walt I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Lili No, it's ok. It's just a bloody nose.

Bernard Hey - Watch it!

Frank Suck my dick, ass man...

Bernard Berkman She's a very risky writer, Lili. Very racy. I mean, exhibiting her cunt in that fashion is very racy. I mean Lili has her influences in post modern literature, it's a bit derivative of ], but for a student, very racy. Did you get that it was her cunt?

Walt Berkman It's like... we were pals then... we'd do things together... we'd look at the knight armor at the Met. The scary fish at the Natural History Museum. I was always afraid of the squid and whale fighting. I can only look at it with my hands in front of my face.

Jeffrey She could probably move her pussy muscles just the right way so you blow your load in like seconds.

Frank Berkman Across the park? Is that still Brooklyn?

Bernard How do you know they were both Frank's?

Ms. Lemon Well, I suppose it's possible other kids are masturbating and spreading their semen around the school as well... It's possible, but, uh, somewhat unlikely.

Bernard Oh, it happens, I'm sure, much more than we know.

Joan Bernard, have you ever done anything like this?

Bernard I'm not going to answer that.