Shopping Etiquette in a Grocery Store
Dave:
Hey, you guys. Which aisle is quilted paper towels? If I don't get the right kind, my wife's gonna kill me.
Man:
Oh, aisle 3 and....
Announcer:
No talking, keep shopping.
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Fashion Choices and Identity Conflict
Walter:
First of all, we are in the country now. So no more black.
Joanna:
No more black? Are you insane?
Walter:
You heard me. Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating, Manhattan career bitches wear black. Is that what you want to be?
Joanna:
Ever since I was a little girl.
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A Comparison to Betty Crocker
Joanna:
How do I look?
Bobbi:
Can I be perfectly honest?
Joanna:
Mm-hmmmm.
Bobbi:
You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
Joanna:
I know.
Roger:
At Betty Ford.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Comments in The Stepford Wives
Charmaine:
Nice khakis, Walter...
Walter:
Thanks, I was experimenting...
Charmaine:
Now, I know why they call it *Banana* Republic.
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Discussion on Cupcakes and Gender Roles
Joanna:
Cupcakes anyone?
Dave: [''to Bobbie'']
Cupcakes?! Hey, right on time. Joe, these are smokin'. Why can't you make stuff like this?
Bobbie:
Why don't you?
Dave:
Because I have a penis.
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Humanity vs. Technology in Relationships
Walter:
She's not a robot. She never was. I couldn't do it.
Mike:
Why not?
Walter:
Because she's not a science project. Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack.
Mike:
That's a shame.
Joanna:
No, that's a man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Risks of Trespassing Explained
Joanna:
We're trespassing!
Bobbie:
Only if we get caught.
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Celebrating Personal Achievements and Success
Balance of Power" Host:
Who makes more money?
Tara: [''buzzes'']
I do!
Balance of Power" Host:
Who enters Iron Man triathalons every year and wins?
Tara: [''buzzes'']
I do!
Balance of Power" Host:
Who secretly wishes they were married to a hot sexy lesbian?
Tara, Bob: [''both buzz at once'']
I do!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Transformation and Friendship in Domestic Life
Joanna:
Bobbie! Bobbie... this isn't you...
Bobbie:
That's right, Joanna! This isn't me, it's a whole new me. I'm happy, and I'm healthy, because I understand what's important in life.
Joanna:
Yes, your new book!
Bobbie: [''starts advancing on Joanna'']
That's right! That's what's important, my new cookbook. And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. You need me.
Joanna:
You stay away from me!
Bobbie:
You are driven.
Joanna:
Well, sometimes...
Bobbie:
And you're selfish! You want to rule the world! I can fix you. I can change you.
Joanna: [''notices Bobbie's hand is resting upon the lit stove, yet she dosen't burn'']
What... have... they... done... to... you?
Bobbie:
Let's get busy!
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Identity and Nicknames in Conversation
Mike:
My real name isn't Mike, it's just a nickname from where I used to work.
Joanna:
Where?
Mike:
Microsoft.
Ted:
NASA.
Vic:
Disney.
Stan:
AOL.
Joanna:
Is that why the women are so slow?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Star Wars Characters
Bobbi:
Mace Windu and Amidala.
Max:
And Boba Fett?
Bobbi:
They were out.
Max:
Mom.
Bobbi:
Here's $500.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pinecone Holiday Humor in Stepford
Stepford Wife:
I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Bobbi:
And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really Merry Christmas!
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Celebrating Christmas with Yarn and Collectibles
Claire: [''wives and Roger squeal and applaud with delight'']
Today, we are going to discuss - well, it is probably the most important book any of us will ever read. Yes, it is provocative. But it is also inspiring: The Heritage Hills Special Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles! This book said to me, "Let's celebrate the birth of our lord Jesus Christ... with yarn".
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Town of Robots in Connecticut
Claire: [''gasps'']
I asked myself, "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" Connecticut.
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Survival of the Fittest in Stepford
Mike:
Only one can survive.
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Questioning Attire and Identity
Roger: [''after he's de-Stepfordized'']
What am I wearing?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mid-Life Crisis as a Mystery to Solve
Roger:
Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of the mid-life crisis.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
