17 quotes
Discussion on Cupcakes and Gender Roles
Joanna
Cupcakes anyone?
Dave
Cupcakes?! Hey, right on time. Joe, these are smokin'. Why can't you make stuff like this?
[''to Bobbie'']
Bobbie
Why don't you?
Dave
Because I have a penis.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Shopping Etiquette in a Grocery Store
Dave
Hey, you guys. Which aisle is quilted paper towels? If I don't get the right kind, my wife's gonna kill me.
Man
Oh, aisle 3 and....
Announcer
No talking, keep shopping.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Choices and Identity Conflict
Walter
First of all, we are in the country now. So no more black.
Joanna
No more black? Are you insane?
Walter
You heard me. Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating, Manhattan career bitches wear black. Is that what you want to be?
Joanna
Ever since I was a little girl.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comparison to Betty Crocker
Joanna
How do I look?
Bobbi
Can I be perfectly honest?
Joanna
Mm-hmmmm.
Bobbi
You kind of look like Betty Crocker.
Joanna
I know.
Roger
At Betty Ford.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humanity vs. Technology in Relationships
Walter
She's not a robot. She never was. I couldn't do it.
Mike
Why not?
Walter
Because she's not a science project. Because I didn't marry something from RadioShack.
Mike
That's a shame.
Joanna
No, that's a man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pinecone Holiday Humor in Stepford
Stepford Wife
I'm going to use a pinecone as the baby Jesus this year.
Bobbi
And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really Merry Christmas!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Transformation and Friendship in Domestic Life
Joanna
Bobbie! Bobbie... this isn't you...
Bobbie
That's right, Joanna! This isn't me, it's a whole new me. I'm happy, and I'm healthy, because I understand what's important in life.
Joanna
Yes, your new book!
Bobbie
That's right! That's what's important, my new cookbook. And my husband, and my family, and making a perfect home. It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you. I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. You need me.
[''starts advancing on Joanna'']
Joanna
You stay away from me!
Bobbie
You are driven.
Joanna
Well, sometimes...
Bobbie
And you're selfish! You want to rule the world! I can fix you. I can change you.
Joanna
What... have... they... done... to... you?
[''notices Bobbie's hand is resting upon the lit stove, yet she dosen't burn'']
Bobbie
Let's get busy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Survival of the Fittest in Stepford
Mike
Only one can survive.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Star Wars Characters
Bobbi
Mace Windu and Amidala.
Max
And Boba Fett?
Bobbi
They were out.
Max
Mom.
Bobbi
Here's $500.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Christmas with Yarn and Collectibles
Claire
Today, we are going to discuss - well, it is probably the most important book any of us will ever read. Yes, it is provocative. But it is also inspiring: The Heritage Hills Special Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectibles! This book said to me, "Let's celebrate the birth of our lord Jesus Christ... with yarn".
[''wives and Roger squeal and applaud with delight'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Town of Robots in Connecticut
Claire
I asked myself, "Where would people never notice a town full of robots?" Connecticut.
[''gasps'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Comments in The Stepford Wives
Charmaine
Nice khakis, Walter...
Walter
Thanks, I was experimenting...
Charmaine
Now, I know why they call it *Banana* Republic.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Attire and Identity
Roger
What am I wearing?
[''after he's de-Stepfordized'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Personal Achievements and Success
Balance of Power" Host
Who makes more money?
Tara
I do!
[''buzzes'']
Balance of Power" Host
Who enters Iron Man triathalons every year and wins?
Tara
I do!
[''buzzes'']
Balance of Power" Host
Who secretly wishes they were married to a hot sexy lesbian?
Tara, Bob
I do!
[''both buzz at once'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Risks of Trespassing Explained
Joanna
We're trespassing!
Bobbie
Only if we get caught.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mid-Life Crisis as a Mystery to Solve
Roger
Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the mystery of the mid-life crisis.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity and Nicknames in Conversation
Mike
My real name isn't Mike, it's just a nickname from where I used to work.
Joanna
Where?
Mike
Microsoft.
Ted
NASA.
Vic
Disney.
Stan
AOL.
Joanna
Is that why the women are so slow?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.