11 quotes
A Bet on Ugliness
Madam Mim
Say, lad, did you know that I can make myself uglier yet?
Arthur
Well, that would be some trick - er, I-I-I mean, uh...
Madam Mim
You want a bet? BOO! You see? I win, I win! Aren't I hideous, boy? Perfectly revolting?
[hides her face in her hair, then pulls her hair away to reveal a sow's face; Arthur jumps in fright]
Arthur
Well, uh, yes, ma'am.
Madam Mim
But, you ain't seen nothin yet. Watch this. I can be beautiful, lovely and fair; Silvery voice, long purple hair; La-la-la-la; La-la-la-la-la; La-la-la-la-la-la; La-la-la-la-la-la-la; But, it's only skin deep, for zim-zaberim-ZIM! I'M AN UGLY OLD CREEP!!! The magnificent, marvelous, mad, mad, mad, mad Madam Mim!
[presses her pig snout and turns into a beautiful, voluptuous wasp-waisted woman; sings; "Beautiful" Mim yanks her long hair and explodes in a puff of yellow smoke, turning back into an old woman]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Direction and Spirit
Merlin
Science indeed. One dummy trying to knock off another dummy with a bit of a stick.
[regarding jousting]
Archimedes
And The Wart's just as hot for it as the rest of them.
Merlin
Yes. That boy's got real spark, lots of spirit. Throws himself, heart and soul, into everything he does. And that's really worth something. If it could only be turned in the right direction.
Archimedes
Ha-ha! Fat chance of that!
Merlin
Oh, I intend to cheat of course. Use magic! Every last trick in the trade if, I have to.
Merlin
By George! I've had enough of this nonsense! ALAKAZAM! There! Now you see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!
[in an atom bomb explosion, he changes back into a human, causing the granny squirrel to scream]
Arthur
Merlin?
Merlin
So, here we are.
[turns around to see the girl squirrel hugging Arthur tightly]
Arthur
Quick, Merlin, the magic!
Merlin
Snick, snack, snorum!
[turns Arthur back into a human]
Arthur
Thank you. There, now you see? I'm not a squirrel, I'm a boy. I tried to tell you. I-I'm a boy. A human boy! Oh, if you could only understand.
[laughs, which causes the girl squirrel to gasp; the girl squirrel chirps as if asking a question; the girl squirrel climbs up to a knot on her tree and sniffs]
Merlin
Ah, you know, lad... that love business is a powerful thing.
Arthur
Greater than gravity?
Merlin
Well, yes, boy, in its way, I'd, uh - Yes, I'd say it's the greatest force on Earth.
The Scullery Maid
Ector, Sir Ector, the kitchen!
Sir Ector
Hold it, son! Hold it!
[to Kay]
The Scullery Maid
Black magic all over the place!
Sir Ector
Kay! Hold on, I say! Stop! Now, what's all the commotion, hmm?
[he smashes Kay in the head with his sword]
The Scullery Maid
Oh, the kitchen! It's under an evil spell! It's bewitched!
Sir Ector
Oh... I bet it's that old goat Marvin. Come on, son! I knew he'd give us trouble! GADZOOKS! BLACK MAGIC OF THE WORST KIND! Come on, Kay, to the attack!
[to Kay; goes to the kitchen and sees the magic Merlin used on the dishes and mops; he whacks Kay in the head with his sword. Ector uses his sword to attack the dishes, but his sword is broken into pieces and the dishes push him in the bucket of water and soap, with the pan whacking him in the head and the scrubber scrubbed him in the face. Kay tries to use his sword to attack the mop but the mop hit him in the nose and whacked him in the head. The broom slapped him in the bottom. Kay tries to attack the broom but the mop covers his face and threw him on the floor with the mop in his face. The broom spanked Kay while the mop on his face mopped the floor.]
Merlin
Now, what have we here?
Arthur
Jumpin Hoptoads!
Merlin
Alakazam!
[Merlin uses his magic to stop the dishes]
Sir Ector
So, there you are, you old goat! Well, what's the idea of flinging your evil spells all over the place, hmm? Oh, lend me a hand, boy! Well, what have you got to say for yourself, hmm?
[Kay pulls Sir sector out of the washing bucket, but falls into the bucket as well]
Merlin
You call washing dishes and sweeping floors a work of evil?
Sir Ector
I'll decide what's right and wrong around here! Besides, that's the Wart's job. One of his duties. Look here, boy. If you wanna make that trip to London, you'd better toe the mark!
The Scullery Maid
You old goat! If I ever catch you in my kitchen again, I'll-
Merlin
Madame, you won't!
[firmly; disappears in a puff of smoke]
The Scullery Maid
Oh dear. He-He's gone!
[surprised]
Sir Ector
Well, by Jove...
Sir Kay
We ought to run the Old Geezer right out of the castle.
Sir Ector
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Kay, no! He might cast an evil spell on the lot of us. Turn us all to stone! Shh! No, there's no telling what the Old Devil might do.
Arthur
He's not an old devil! He-He's good, and his magic is good, too. If you'd just leave him alone-
Sir Ector
Now, look here, Wart, that's three more demerits!
Sir Kay
Box his ears, Dad.
Arthur
Just because you can't understand something, it doesn't mean it's wrong!
Sir Ector
Ten more demerits!
[spluttering in shock]
Arthur
You make all the rules, and nobody else can say anything!
[in tears]
Sir Ector
You've said aplenty, boy! All that popping off just cooked your goose! Kay, from now on, young Hobbs is your squire. You hear that, Wart? Hobbs is going to be Kay's squire.
Arthur
Yes, sir.
[quietly]
Sir Kay
And that'll teach you to pop off, you little pipsqueak.
[as he leaves the kitchen with Sir Ector, he chops a mop that humiliated him earlier in half with his sword]
Merlin
I'm so sorry, lad. Sorry, I spoiled everything. I know that trip to London meant a great deal to you.
[magically appears]
Arthur
Oh, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have popped off. Now I'm really done for.
Merlin
No, no, you're in a great spot, boy. You can't go down now, it can only be up from here.
Arthur
I'd like to know how.
Merlin
Use your head, and education, lad.
Arthur
What good would that do?
[lightning up]
Merlin
Get it first, and who knows? Are you willing to try?
Arthur
Well, what have I got to lose?
[resigned]
Merlin
That's the spirit! We'll start tomorrow! We'll show em, won't we, boy?
[patting his back]
Arthur
We sure will.
[unenthusiastically]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Revelation of Arthur's Identity
Sir Pellinore
It's a miracle, ordained by Heaven. This boy is our King!
Sir Ector
Well, by Jove...
Sir Bart
What's the lad's name?
Sir Ector
Eh, Wart. Oh, uh, I mean, Arthur.
Sir Bart
Hail King Arthur!
The Knights
HAIL KING ARTHUR! LONG LIVE THE KING!
Archimedes
I can't believe it!
[laughing]
Sir Ector
Oh, forgive me, son. Forgive me.
[bowing before Arthur humbly]
Arthur
Oh, please don't, sir.
Sir Ector
Kay, bow down to your King.
The Narrator
So at last, the miracle had come to pass in that far-off time upon New Year's Day, and the glorious reign of King Arthur was begun.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Transformation and Misunderstanding in Magical Encounter
Madam Mim
Sounds like someone's sick. How lovely. I do hope it's serious. Something dreadful. Oh, bat gizzards. It's nothing but a scrawny little sparrow with a beak full of soot.
Arthur
Oh, I'm not really a sparrow, I'm a boy.
Madam Mim
A boy?!
Arthur
Merlin changed me with his magic. He's the world's most powerful wizard.
Madam Mim
Merlin? Oh, Merlin - the world's most powerful bungler! Why, boy, I've got more magic in one little finger! Now don't tell me you've never heard of the marvelous Madam Mim?
[laughs]
Arthur
Well, no, I don't guess so.
Archimedes
Madam Mim?! Good heavens, good heavens, good heavens...!
[flies off]
Madam Mim
Why, boy, I'm the greatest! I'm truly marvelous! With only a touch, I have the power, zim-zabberim-zim, to whither a flower! I find delight in the gruesome and grim!
[sings]
Arthur
Oh, that's terrible!
Madam Mim
Thank you, my boy. But that's nothing, nothing to me. Because I'm the magnificent, marvelous, mad Madam Mim!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity About a Flying Machine Model
Merlin
Archimedes, have you seen that flying machine model?
Archimedes
I have nothing to do with your futuristic fiddle-faddle, you know that.
Arthur
What's that thing up there?
[pointing to the airplane model right above Merlin]
Merlin
Hmm? Oh, yes, of course. Here we are.
[takes it down]
Arthur
Do you mean man will fly in one of those someday?
Archimedes
If man were meant to fly, he'd have been born with wings.
[scoffs]
Merlin
I am about to prove otherwise, Archimedes, if you care to watch. Here she goes! No, no, no - NO!
[winding up the propeller of the model airplane, but not noticing his long beard getting caught in it; tosses it out the window]
Archimedes
Man will fly, all right! Just like a rock!
[laughs; The model plane lands in the moat with a crash, and is sunken out of sight. He then laughs harder]
Merlin
It would have worked if... if it weren't for this infernal beard! Man will fly someday, I tell you guys! I have been there! I have seen it!
[Archimedes continues to laugh hysterically]
Arthur
Oh, I do hope so. I've always dreamed about flying; that I was a bird and that I could go sailing all over the sky, high above everything... It's my favorite dream. But then, I suppose everyone dreams about flying- I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird!
[Merlin sneaks up behind him and quietly changes him into a sparrow; sighs; notices his new form; happily; starts to flutter clumsily out the window]
Merlin
Hold it, boy! Not so fast, not so fast. First, I'd better explain the mechanics of a bird's wing. Now, these large feathers are called the primaries, and-
[grabbing him in one hand; grabs Archimedes' wing and runs his finger along the feathers]
Archimedes
And since when do you know all about birds wings?
Merlin
I have made an extensive study of birds in flight, and-
Archimedes
And if you don't mind, I happen to be a bird!
[crossly]
Merlin
All right, Mr. Know-It-All! He's your pupil!
[sets Arthur down firmly]
Arthur
Ouch!
Archimedes
Now boy, flying is not merely some crude mechanical process. It is a delicate art. Purely aesthetic! Poetry of motion! And the best way to learn it is to do it.
[clears his throat offensively at Merlin, who clears his throat in return]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Merlin Returns to a Modern Dilemma
Arthur
Oh, Merlin! You're back from Ber-Ber-Ber-
Merlin
Bermuda? Yes, back from Bermuda and the 20th century! And believe me, you can have it! One big modern mess! Alakazam!
[magically changes back into his blue robe and hat]
Arthur
I'm in an awful pickle! I'm King!
Archimedes
He pulled the Sword from the Stone.
Merlin
Aha! Of course, of course! King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table!
[surprised]
Arthur
Round Table?
Merlin
Oh, would you rather have a square one?
Arthur
Oh, no, round will be fine.
Merlin
Boy, boy, boy - you'll become a great legend. They'll be writing books about you for centuries to come. Why, they might even make a motion picture about you.
Arthur
Motion picture?
[confused]
Merlin
Well, uh...that's something like television. Without commercials.
The Chorus
Hail King Arthur! Long live the king!
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of the Sword in the Stone
Arthur
Kay! Kay! Here's a sword!
Sir Kay
This is not my sword!
[takes the sword]
Sir Ector
Hold on, Kay! Wait a minute. "Whoso pulleth out this sword..." Why, it's...it's the Sword in the Stone!
[reads the inscription under the hilt; shocked]
Sir Bart
The Sword in the Stone?! It can't be!
Sir Ector
But look! It is!
Sir Pellinore
It's the marvelous sword!
Sir Bart
Hold everything! Someone's pulled the sword from the stone!
[to the townspeople]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of the Sword's Challenge
Sir Kay
Now wait a minute. Anyone call pull it, once it been pulled.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Dragon Color Restrictions
Merlin
Now, Mim! No dragons, remember?
[nervously]
Madam Mim
Did I say no purple dragons? DID I?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Squire's Attire and Perspectives on It
Arthur
Merlin, look! I'm a squire!
[excitedly]
Archimedes
Oh, uh...very nice, boy.
Merlin
Yes indeed. A fine monkey suit for polishing boots!
Arthur
It's...It's what all squires wear.
[his expression falls]
Merlin
And I thought you were going to amount to something! I thought you had a few brains! Great future! Hah! A stooge for that big lunk, Kay! Congratulations, boy!
[gets up out of his chair; kicks over a stack of books]
Arthur
What do you - What do you want me to be?! I'm nobody! You...You don't know a thing about what's going on today! I'm lucky to be Kay's squire!
[breaks into tears; Archimedes gasps]
Merlin
Oh Of all the idiotic...! BLOW ME TO BERMUDA AND JAMAICA!
[loses his temper; magically rockets off to Bermuda by accident]
Arthur
Where...W-Where did he go?
Archimedes
To Bermuda and Jamaica, I suppose.
Arthur
Where's that?
Archimedes
Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet.
Arthur
Will he...ever come back?
Archimedes
Who knows? Who knows anything?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Duel of Wizards Unfolds
Merlin
Mim! Mim! Wh-wh-what are you up to?!
Madam Mim
Oh, uh, oh, M-Merlin! Well, you're just in time. We were playing a little game.
Arthur
She was going to destroy me.
Madam Mim
And just what are you gonna do about it? Want to fight?! Want to have a wizard's duel?!
[slaps Merlin across the face provokingly]
Merlin
As you wish, Madam.
[composing himself]
Madam Mim
Well, come on. Step outside!
Merlin
After you, Madam.
Archimedes
Wha-?! What's up, boy, what's going on?
Arthur
They're having a wizard's duel. What's that mean?
Archimedes
Oh, it's a battle of wits. The players change themselves into different things in an attempt to...to destroy one another.
Arthur
D-D-Destroy?
Archimedes
Just watch, boy, just watch. You'll get the idea.
Madam Mim
Now! First of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules.
Archimedes
Rules indeed! Gha ha ha! Why, she only wants rules so she can break them!
Madam Mim
I'll take care of you later, featherbrain. Now, Rule 1: No minerals or vegetables, only animals. Rule 2: No make-believe things like, oh, pink dragons and stuff. Rule 3: No disappearing.
[to Archimedes; Archimedes huffs; to Merlin; squeezes his nose playfully]
Merlin
Rule 4: No cheating!
Madam Mim
All right, all right. Now, pace off ten.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.