The Wedding Singer Quotes

Taglines Before the internet, before cell phones, before roller-blades, there was a time... 1985. Don't pretend you don't remember.

Robbie How much is it?

Flight Attendant It's free.

Robbie It's what? Holy shit, this is incredible. Actually, I shouldn't drink. I fell in love with this girl who's going to marry an idiot, so I'm on my way to Vegas to stop them.

Female Passenger That's the sweetest thing I have ever heard! Where are they getting married?

Robbie That's the problem, I don't know where, but I'm going to run around and find them. I got to do what I got to do.

David "Dave" Veltri When my brother, Harold, asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding, I was like, "Of course, man." Cause you've always been there for me. Like when I was in rehab, and, uh, the time I couldn't find my car. Cause Harold, ya know, he's always been the dependable one - and I've always been the screwed up one, right, Dad? "Why can't you be more like your brother? Harold would never beat up his landlord!

Groomsman He's drunk as shit.

Dave But, uh, little newsflash, Pop: Harold ain't so perfect. Remember that time in Puerto Rico, we picked up those two, uh... I guess they were prostitutes, but I don't remember payin'.

Robbie Okay, how bout that! Yeah, terrific.

Dave I'm a person too, Pop, goddammit! I'm a person too!

Mr. Veltri You're a moron!

Robbie The Best Man, everybody.

Dave The best man, the better man! Aooooooow!

Robbie Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in our life, so... He's playing the guitar now, isn't that great? You're doin good.

Dave Yeah, sounds good? That's cause I'm the best guitar player in the wooorld! Yeaah! Self taught, no lessons. Thank you very much, Pop! They'll be divorced in a year!

Robbie Hart Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.

Robbie Hey, you're late.

Linda I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it.

Robbie Well, if you need some more time, I guess I can wait.

Linda No, I don't need more time, Robbie. I don't ever wanna marry you.

Robbie Jeez, you know, that information might have been a little more useful to me yesterday.

Linda I've been talking to my friends the last couple of days...

Robbie Uggh...here it comes.

Linda ...and I've been figuring out what's been bothering me. I'm not in love with Robbie now'. I'm in love with Robbie 6 years ago'. Robbie the lead singer of Final Warning... when I used to come and watch you in the front row with your spandex pants...your silk shirt unbuttoned...licking the microphone like David Lee Roth...

Robbie I still got the spandex. I'll put em on right now.

Linda The point is I woke up this morning and realized, I'm about to marry a wedding singer. I am never gonna leave Ridgefield!

Robbie Why do you need to leave Ridgefield? We grew up here. All our friends are here. It's the perfect place to raise a family.

Linda OH...YEAH...livin in your sister's basement with five kids while you're off every weekend doing wedding gigs at a whopping sixty bucks a pop?

Robbie Once again...things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!

Robbie Sir, one more outburst and I will strangle you with my microphone wire, you understand me?

Father of the Bride Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to share your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.

Robbie Well, I have a microphone and you don't, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!!

Sammy Uh oh.

Robbie What?

Sammy You like her.

Robbie No, I don't!

Sammy Of course you do. She's a cool chick with a hot ass.

Robbie You talk about her ass again, I'll break your neck.

Taglines He's gonna party like it's 1985.

Billy Idol How you doin', sir - chicken or fish?

Glenn You better get out of my way, Billy. You're gonna get hurt!

Billy Idol Oh yeah?

Biker Don't you talk to Billy Idol that way!

Julia May I ask what happened with Linda?

Robbie She wasn't the right one, I guess.

Julia Did you have any idea she wasn't the right one when you were together?

Robbie I should have. Uh, I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time. We were flying there and I'd never been there before and Linda had, so you would think that she would give me the window seat but she didn't and... not that that's a big deal, you know. It's just there were a lot of little things like that. I know that sounds stupid...

Julia Not at all. I think it's the little things that count.

Mr. Simms Do you have any experience?

Robbie No, sir, I have no experience but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.

Billy Idol Good afternoon, everyone. We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to 30,000 feet, and we've got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas. Right now, we're bringing you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first class passengers would like to sing you a song inspired by one of our coach passengers. And since we let our first class passengers do, pretty much whatever they want, here he is...

Julia Sullivan Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Glenn Gulia. ... Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'm Julia Gulia. It's nice to meet you. I'm Mrs. Julia Gulia. I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Mrs. Robbie Hart. Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding.

Robbie Hart You don't know how much I need you. While you're near me, I don't feel blue and when we kiss I know you need me too. I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true. But it all was bullshit. It was a goddamn joke and when I think of you, Linda,I hope you fucking choke. I hope you're glad with what you've done to me. I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy. You left me here, all alone, tears running constantly. Oh would somebody kill me please? Somebody kill me please. I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please! Kill me! I want to die! Put a bullet in my heeeeaaaad!