32 quotes
Nightmare of Loss and Rejection
Louis Winthorpe III
I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro. .
[sees Billy and attacks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Musical Moments in Trading Places
Mortimer
What's he doing in there?
Coleman
I believe he is singing, sir.
Randolph
They're very musical people, aren't they?
Coleman
What should I do with his clothes, sir?
Mortimer
Send them to the laundry. He'll want something nice and clean to wear to the ghetto...after I've won the bet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Advances in Trading Places
Louis Winthorpe III
Those men wanted to have sex with me!
[to Penelope, as he is leaving jail]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reconnecting at the African Education Conference
Louis
Nenge! Nenge Mboko, from Cameroon? Do you remember me? It's Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray
Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis
Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray
I remember the pavilion - we had big fun there!
Both
Boo bwele boo bwele boo bwele ah ha! Boo bwele boo bwele boo bwele ah ha!
Billy Ray
Oh, memories!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns Over Employee Payroll Payments
Louis
Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke
Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis
Well, it's that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke
We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis
Can't get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting the Source of His Troubles
Billy Ray Valentine
Hey that's the motherf- I mean... that's the gentleman that had me busted.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Implying Theft in a Heated Exchange
Pawnbroker
Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis
I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker
Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.
Louis
Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker
I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis
50 bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is the sports watch of the 80s. $6,955 retail!
Pawnbroker
You got a receipt?
Louis
Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker
In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks.
Louis
(defeated) Just give me the money.
Louis
How much for the gun?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Authenticity in Uncertain Situations
Billy Ray
What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?
Coleman
Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Night of Unwanted Guests
Coleman
Your … friends seemed to enjoy themselves, sir. In all, I'd say it was quite a success.
Billy Ray
They wasn't no "friends" of mine, Coleman. Just a bunch'a freeloaders treatin my house like it was a goddamn zoo.
[disgusted]
Coleman
Why don't you retire, sir? You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.
Billy Ray
Yeah...I think I will, uh, "retire.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Cost of Living with Others
Ophelia
By the way, food and rent aren't the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch.
[noticing Louis watch her undress]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conspiracy Unfolds Over Secret Crop Report
Billy Ray and Louis
[in perfect unison, as they both suddenly stand} CLARENCE BEEKS!!!
Billy Ray
The Dukes just gave that guy ten grand!
Louis
10 grand?!? I saw an outlay to him in the payroll for 50,000! Mortimer said it was for research.
Billy Ray
Yeah, research on how he can get his hands on that top-secret crop report two days before it goes public!
Louis
My God. The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
[whispering in shock, horror, and realization]
Ophelia
Unless somebody stops them.
Coleman
Or beats them to it. Eggnog?
[carrying tray; all turn and look at him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pork Belly Market Panic and Predictions
Randolph
Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?
Billy Ray
Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy cheap and go long - which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are goin batshit. They're thinking, "Hey, we're losin all our goddamn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip, right? And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me cuz I ain't got no money, right?" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming, "SELL! SELL!" Cuz they don't wanna lose all their money, right? They're panicking out there right now! I can feel it! They out there!
Randolph
He's right, Mortimer! My God, look at it!
Billy Ray
I'd wait till you get to around sixty-four, then I'd buy. You'll have cleared out all the suckers by then.
Randolph
(punches his calculator) Do you realize how much money he's just saved us?
Mortimer
Money isn't everything, Randolph!
Randolph
(on telephone) This is Randolph Duke. Advise our clients interested in bellies to buy at 64. Mr. Valentine has set the price.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Reflection on Childhood Experiences
Billy Ray Valentine
When I was a kid, if we wanted a jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Moderation in Religion and Enjoyment
Coleman
Would you like a sip of whiskey?
[offering Billy Ray a sip from his flask; they are both in Halloween costumes]
Billy Ray
I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman
Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Billy Ray Valentine's Zodiac Sign
Billy Ray Valentine
Billy Ray Valentine, Capricorn.
[introducing himself]
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Frustration in a Cell Block Conversation
Billy Ray
I wish my bitches would get here. I ain't got time to be sitting in this cell with you.
[Billy Ray is in jail]
Big Black Guy # 1
Where is your bitches, Mr. Big-Time Pimp?
Billy Ray
Didn't I tell you that the phone in my limousine is busted, and I can't get in contact with my bitches?
[to Cellmate #2]
Cellmate #2
Yeah! The phone in the limo was busted. What is ya, ignorant?
[to Big Black Guy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inquiry About Identity
Louis
Who is it?
[after giving the secret knock]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Karate Man's Inner Strength Revealed
Big Black Guy #1
You beating up on a man. You putting a man in a hospital? How come I don't see no marks on you?
Big Black Guy #2
Yeah!
Billy Ray
Cause I'm a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness. But you don't know that because you're a big Barry White looking motherfucker! So get outta my face!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Violence and Poor Decisions
Billy Ray
You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun cause you pissed at em.
[watches Louis clean his shotgun]
Louis
Why not?
Billy Ray
It's called assault with a deadly weapon; you get twenty years for that shit!
Louis
Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray
Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman
You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit!
[Bringing more shotguns to Louis]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Harvard Tie and Class Distinctions
Louis Winthorpe III
He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? MY Harvard tie. Like oh, sure, HE went to Harvard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Amidst Drug-Related Tensions
Officer Reynolds
Strip, you little shit, before I tear your ass!
[to Louis]
Corrupt Cop
That's PCP! Phenycyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You're looking at 3 to 5 mandatory... Louis!
[Takes some PCP out of a baggie and tastes it]
Bunny
And she stepped on the ball.
Even Bigger Black Guy
It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.
Harvey
Monkey? MONKEY! I'm a gorilla, you clown!
Beeks
Hey. Back off! I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Profit from a Broken Vase
Billy Ray
Hey, sorry about that.
[after breaking a vase]
Randolph Duke
It's perfectly all right William. It was your vase.
Billy Ray
That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right?
Randolph Duke
I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000.
Billy Ray
You want me to break something else?
Randolph Duke, Mortimer Duke, Coleman
NO!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Commodities in Trading
Billy Ray
No thanks, guys, I already had breakfast this morning.
Mortimer
This is not a meal, Valentine. We are here to try to explain to you what it is we do here.
Randolph
We are commodities brokers, William. Now, what are commodities? Commodities are agricultural products. Like coffee, that you had for breakfast, … wheat, which is used to make bread, … pork bellies, which is used to make bacon - which you might find in a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. And then there are other commodities, like frozen orange juice, … and gold. Though, of course, gold doesn't grow on trees like oranges. Clear so far?
[Billy Ray turns and gives a long look at the camera; He chuckles]
Billy Ray
Yeah.
[who isn't but is nodding and smiling as though he understands, which he doesn't]
Randolph
Good, William! Now, some of our clients are speculating that the price of gold will rise in the future. And we have other clients who are speculating that the price of gold will fall. They place their orders with us, and we buy, or sell, their gold for them.
Mortimer
Tell him the good part.
Randolph
The good part, William, is that, no matter whether our clients make money or lose money, Duke & Duke get the commissions.
Mortimer
Well? What do you think, Valentine?
Billy Ray
Sounds to me like you guys a couple of bookies!
Randolph
I told you he'd understand.
[chuckling, patting Billy Ray on the back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections and Bold Statements
Billy Ray Valentine
Hey, baby, what's happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'. You seen "Porgy and Bess"? We can make it, baby! Me and you!... You BITCH!
[while acting blind and legless; the woman begins to walk away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Christmas Bonus Exchange in Trading Places
Randolph Duke
Ezra. Right on time. I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are.
Ezra
Five dollars. Maybe I'll go to the movies... by myself.
Mortimer Duke
Half of it is from me.
Ezra
Thank you, Mr. Mortimer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Suggestion for the Officer's Night Stick
Billy Ray Valentine
May I suggest using your night stick officer?
[watching cops subduing an unruly suspect]
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Cultural Differences in New Year Greetings
Billy Ray
Merry New Year!
Beeks
Happy New Year. In this country we say "Happy New Year.
Billy Ray
Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on Money and Greed
Randolph Duke
Money isn't everything, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke
Oh, grow up.
Randolph Duke
Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke
She meant it as a compliment.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding the "Quart of Blood" Technique
Billy Ray Valentine
That's called the "quart of blood" technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a person's body.
[after demonstrating some fake karate moves while in jail]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of a Bet in Trading Places
Randolph
Pay up, Mortimer. I've won the bet.
Mortimer
Here, one dollar.
Randolph
We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer! Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
[chuckling; laughs]
Mortimer
I don't want Winthorpe back, after what he's done.
Randolph
You mean, keep Valentine on as managing director?
Mortimer
Do you really believe I would have a nigger run our family business, Randolph?
Randolph
Of course not. Neither would I.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Heritage Club President Addresses Serious Theft Issue
Heritage Club President
May I have your attention please? There is something vile that has never reared its ugly head in our two hundred and seven years of existence. There is a thief in the Heritage Club. And by "thief," I do not mean the ordinary street punk our own Winthorpe had the courage to stand up to yesterday. Mild applause No, this thief is 100 times lower. And without further ado, may I introduce Mr. Clarence Beeks of Lyndhurst Security?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dukes' Experiment and Its Consequences
Coleman
Oh, dear!
Billy Ray
It … was … the … Dukes! It … was … the … Dukes!
[Choking]
Louis
You're a DEAD MAN, Valentine!!!
[Coleman and Ophelia pull him off Valentine]
Billy Ray
It was an experiment! They used us as guinea pigs, man! The Dukes used us as guinea pigs, to see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet.
[Gasping; Louis calms down]
Coleman
I'm afraid it's true, sir.
Ophelia
I believe him, Louie.
Louis
The Dukes … ruined my life … over a bet. For how much?
Billy Ray
A dollar.
Louis
One dollar. Fine. That's the way they want it? No problem.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.