18 quotes
A Playful Farewell Between Friends
Lily
Goodbye, Gaston darling.
Gaston
Goodbye, sweetheart.
Lily
Well, I'll leave you alone with that lady. But if you behave like a gentleman, I'll break your neck.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Missed Opportunity for Greatness
Gaston
Goodbye.
Mme. Colet
She extends her hand for a handshake.] Goodbye.
Gaston
You could have been marvelous.
Mme. Colet
Divine.
Gaston
Wonderful...But tomorrow morning, if you should wake out of your dreams and hear a knock, and the door opens, and there instead of a maid with a breakfast tray stands a policeman with a warrant, then you'll be glad you are alone.
Mme. Colet
But it could have been glorious.
Gaston
Lovely.
Mme. Colet
Divine...But that terrible policeman.
Gaston
Goodbye. Do you know what you're missing? No. That's what you're missing. Your gift to her.
[They kiss; She nods; He pulls her string of pearls from his coat pocket.]
Mme. Colet
With the compliments of Colet and Companie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disagreement Over Departure Plans
Gaston/LaValle
Jacques, dismiss the car, Madame is not going.
Jacques
Yes, Monsieur LaValle.
Mme. Colet
Jacques...don't dismiss the car. I'll be down in a few minutes...
Gaston/LaValle
I want you to stay, Mariette. You've got to stay. You can't go now.
Mme. Colet
I must go.
Gaston/LaValle
I'm crazy about you.
Mme. Colet
I know it.
Gaston/LaValle
I love you.
Mme. Colet
I believe you.
Gaston/LaValle
Then why do you want to go?
Mme. Colet
Because I want to make it tough for you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings and Complaints in Conversation
Lily
By tomorrow, it'll be Grand Canal gossip!
[about her appearance in his room]
Gaston
Don't stop. Keep right on complaining. It's beautiful.
Lily
You know, when I first saw you, I thought you were an American.
Gaston
Thank you.
Lily
Someone from another world - so entirely different. Oh! One gets so tired of one's own class - princes and counts and dukes and kings! Everybody talking shop. Always trying to sell jewelry. Then I heard your name and found out you were just one of us.
Gaston
Disappointed?
Lily
No, proud. Very proud.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Practical Financial Advice Amid Uncertainty
Gaston/LaValle
In times like these when everything is uncertain, every conservative person should have a substantial part of his fortune within arm's reach.
Mme. Colet
Um, hmm. That sounds sensible. Hm, hmm. Yes. Very sensible. Very very clever.
Gaston/LaValle
Madame. I think you deserve a good scolding. First, you lose your bag.
Mme. Colet
Then I mislay my checkbook.
Gaston/LaValle
Then you use the wrong lipstick.
Mme. Colet
And how I handle my money.
Gaston/LaValle
It's disgraceful.
Mme. Colet
Tell me, Monsieur LaValle. What else is wrong?
Gaston/LaValle
Everything! Madame Colet, if I were your father, which fortunately I am not, and you made any attempt to handle your own business affairs, I would give you a good spanking - in a business way, of course.
Mme. Colet
What would you do if you were my secretary?
Gaston/LaValle
The same thing.
Mme. Colet
You're hired.
[She leans back provocatively and smiles sensuously.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenge of Starting Conversations
Waiter
Yes, Baron. What should we start with, Baron? Hmm?
Gaston
Oh yes. That's not so easy. Beginnings are always difficult.
Waiter
Yes, Baron.
Gaston
If ] suddenly turned out to be ] having supper with ], who might become ], how would you start?
[[Giacomo Casanova|Casanova; [w:Romeo|Romeo; [w:Juliet|Juliet; [w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra]
Waiter
I would start with cocktails.
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Hope for Future Prosperity
Gaston Monescu
Everything will be all right again. Prosperity is just around the corner.
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Confrontation Over Hidden Motives and Desires
Gaston
You're talking like a child. You know exactly what we're here for and what it's all about.
Lily
This woman has more than jewelry.
Gaston
Oh!
Lily
Did you ever take a good look at her, uhm.
Gaston
Certainly.
Lily
They're all right, aren't they?
Gaston
Beautiful. What of it? Let me tell you something. As far as I'm concerned, her whole sex appeal is in that safe.
Lily
Oh, Gaston. Let's open it right now. Let's get away from here. I don't like this place.
Gaston
No, no, sweetheart. There's more sex appeal coming on the first of the month. It's only ten days - 850,000 francs.
Lily
Darling, remember. You are Gaston Monescu. You are a crook. I want you as a crook. I love you as a crook. I worship you as a crook. Steal, swindle, rob. Oh, but don't become one of those useless, good-for-nothing gigolos.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Tonsils in a Hotel
Filiba
He said, Good evening. I'm the doctor. I said, Doctor? He said, Yes, the doctor. I've come to see about your tonsils....
Hotel Manager
The representative of police would like to know if there is anything wrong with your tonsils, Monsieur Filiba?
Filiba
No...That's what I tried to tell him. Well, one word led to another. He was really a very charming fellow. We talked for about ten minutes...
Hotel Manager
What did you talk about, Monsieur Filiba?
Filiba
About tonsils.
Hotel Manager
Tonsille!
The Chorus of Police
Tonsille!
Filiba
So then I said to myself, all right, if he wants to look at them, let him look at them. There's no harm in that. Then he said, Say AH! And so I said, Ah! And that's all I remember. When I woke up, I still had my tonsils, but my pocketbook was gone.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Maternal Relationships
Lily
You see, Mother is dead.
Mme. Colet
Yes, that's the trouble with Mothers. First you get to like them, and then they die.
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Financial Need Sparks Uncomfortable Exchange
Gaston
It embarrasses you to offer me the 20,000 francs reward.
Mme. Colet
Yes.
Gaston
Don't be embarrassed. I'll take it. I need the money. I wish I were in a position to ignore the whole matter, but you know Madame, the stock market, a bank crash. To make a long story short, a member of the nouveaux poor.
Mme. Colet
Well, I'm glad I lost the bag. I'll write you a check immediately.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Change of Plans Unfolds
Jacques
The car is waiting, Madame.
Mme. Colet
I won't need the car. I'm not going.
Gaston/LaValle
Jacques...Madame has changed her mind. She'll be down in a minute...
Mme. Colet
But I told you I don't want to go.
Gaston/LaValle
But you have an engagement, and I don't want people to talk.
Mme. Colet
Talk, about me? About us?
Gaston/LaValle
Precisely.
Mme. Colet
Afraid I'm ruining your reputation, Monsieur LaValle?
Gaston/LaValle
No, yours Madame.
Mme. Colet
Monsieur LaValle, I have a confession to make to you. You like me. In fact, you're crazy about me. Otherwise, you wouldn't think about my reputation. Isn't that so? But incidently, I don't like you. I don't like you at all! And I wouldn't hesitate one instant to ruin your reputation - - like that!
[She snaps her fingers]
Gaston/LaValle
You wouldn't?
Mme. Colet
No, I wouldn't!
Gaston/LaValle
Like that?
[snapping his fingers]
Mme. Colet
Like that!
[snapping her fingers again]
Gaston/LaValle
I know all your tricks.
Mme. Colet
And you're going to fall for them.
Gaston/LaValle
So you think you can get me?
Mme. Colet
Any minute I want.
Gaston/LaValle
You're conceited.
Mme. Colet
But attractive.
Gaston/LaValle
Now let me tell you...
Mme. Colet
Shut up - kiss me! Wasting all this marvelous time with arguments...
[They kiss; They kiss again)]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Romance in Letters
Gaston
A lady as charming as you would and should get love letters.
Mme. Colet
Monsieur LaValle.
Gaston
But one suggestion. Not the Major. I don't mind his grammatical mistakes. I will overlook his bad punctuation. But the letter has no mystery. No bouquet. And one lipstick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Affection and Jewelry
Lily
I like you, Baron.
Gaston
I'm crazy about you. By the way, your pin.
[He returns her brooch pin - after appraising it.]
Lily
Thank you, Baron.
[after suddenly noticing she's missing it]
Gaston
Not at all. There's one very good stone in it.
Lily
What time is it? It was five minutes slow but I regulated it for you.
[She allows him to search for his pocket watch before looking startled. She hands it to him from her purse - after resetting it.; He pockets the watch with a smile.]
Gaston
I hope you don't mind if I keep your garter.
[She checks her leg, under the table, and then Gaston holds the garter up high and kisses it to prove his expertise.]
Lily
Darling! Oh now, darling. Tell me, tell me all about yourself. Who are you?
[excitedly, she rises and kisses him, flinging herself into his arms]
Gaston
You remember the man who walked into the Bank of Constantinople, and walked out with the Bank of Constantinople?
Lily
Monescu.
Gaston
Gaston Monescu.
Lily
Gaston!
Gaston
I love you. I loved you the moment I saw you. I'm mad about you. My little shoplifter. My sweet little pickpocket. My darling.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marriage: A Beautiful Mistake Together
Madame Mariette Colet
No, no, Francois. I tell you, no! You see, Francois, marriage is a beautiful mistake which two people make together. But with you, Francois, I think it would be a mistake. Don't be so down-hearted, Major. You're not the only one I don't love. I don't love Francois either.
[To Francois; To the Major]
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Self-Made Crook and the Social Register
Gaston
I see! You have to be in the Social Register to keep out of jail. But when a man starts at the bottom and works his way up, a self-made crook, then you say, Call the police! Put him behind bars! Lock him up! Very well, Madame. I am Gaston Monescu. The police will be delighted to verify my identity.
[He offers her the phone to report him, but she declines.]
Mme. Colet
Gaston, did you take the money?
Gaston
Yes.
Mme. Colet
You wanted a hundred thousand francs. And I thought you wanted me.
Gaston
I came here to rob you, but unfortunately I fell in love with you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Game of Deception and Discovery
Gaston
That's hotel life. In one room, a man loses his wallet, and in another room, a man loses his head.
Lily
Please! When I came here, it was for a little adventure, a little game which you play tonight and forget tomorrow. Something's changed me; and it isn't the champagne. Oh, the whole thing's so new to me. I have a confession to make to you. Baron, you are a crook. You robbed the gentleman in 253, 5, 7, and 9. May I have the salt?
Gaston
Please.
[as he passes the salt]
Lily
Thank you.
Gaston
The pepper too?
Lily
No thank you.
Gaston
You're very welcome. Countess, believe me, before you left this room I would have told you everything. And let me say this with love in my heart. Countess, you are a thief. The wallet of the gentleman in 253, 5, 7, and 9 is in your possession. I knew it very well when you took it out of my pocket. In fact, you tickled me. But your embrace was so sweet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Dependability in Relationships
Major
No doubt about it. It's that secretary.
Filiba
Funny the kind of men women fall for.
Major
No color, no sparkle, but dependable.
Filiba
The type they marry.
Major
You know, I'm not the marrying type. I like to take my fun and leave it....
Filiba
You know, he's really not such a bad fellow.
Major
No, just dull.
Filiba
Insignificant. He's a secretary. He always was a secretary, always will be.
Major
That's funny, heh, heh. The first time I saw him, I thought he was a doctor.
Filiba
Tonsils! Positively tonsils!
[to Mme. Colet]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.