Up in the Air Quotes

Ryan Bingham Now, this is gonna be a little difficult, so stay with me. You have a new backpack. Only this time, I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office, and then you move into the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, your brothers, your sisters, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack. And don't worry. I'm not gonna ask you to light it on fire. Feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake - your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulders? All those negotiations and arguments, and secrets and compromises. You don't need to carry all that weight. Why don't you set that bag down? Some animals were meant to carry each other, to live symbiotically for a lifetime - star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not those animals. The slower we move, the faster we die. We are not swans. We're sharks.

Maynard Finch You're the youngest person so far to hit ten million. I don't know where you find the time.

Ryan I don't know.

Maynard Finch We really appreciate your loyalty.

Ryan I've thought about this moment so many times, I even thought about the conversation we'd have.

Maynard Finch What'd you want to say?

Ryan Now I don't remember.

Maynard Finch That's alright, it happens to all of us. Where are you from?

Ryan I'm from here.

Ryan Bingham Tonight most people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day, and tonight they'll sleep. The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places; and one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip passing over.

Alex He broke up with you by text message?

Ryan Wow. That's kind of like firing someone over the internet.

Alex What a weasly prick.

Natalie Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.

Alex We all fall for the prick. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.

Natalie I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.

Alex Well, life can underwhelm you that way.

Natalie Where did you think you'd be by now?

Alex It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the deadlines. It can be a little counter-productive.

Natalie I don't want to say anything that is anti-feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.

Alex It was our pleasure.

Natalie Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work. He really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4-Runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?

Alex You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice. Just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day. Otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yeah, a nice smile just might do it.

Natalie Wow. That was depressing. I should just start dating women

Alex I tried it. We're no picnic ourselves.

Natalie I don't mind being married to my career and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I sleep, I just don't want to settle.

Alex You're young, right now you see settling down as a failure.

Natalie It is, by definition.

Alex By the time someone is right for you it won't feel like settling and the only one to judge you will be the twenty three year old with the target on your back.

Natalie How can you not think about that? How does it not even cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?

Ryan It's simple; you know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet... just for a second?

Natalie Yes!

Ryan Right, well I don't.

Natalie You're an asshole.

Alex Oh, my God. I wasn't sure this actually existed. This is the American Airlines...

Ryan It's a Concierge Key, yeah.

Alex What is that, carbon fibre?

Ryan Graphite.

Alex Oh, I love the weight.

Ryan I was pretty excited the day that bad boy came in.

Alex I'll say. I put up pretty pedestrian numbers. 60 thousand a year, domestic.

Ryan That's not bad.

Alex Don't patronize me. What's your total?

Ryan It's a personal question.

Alex Please.

Ryan And we hardly know each other.

Alex Come on, show some hubris. Come on, impress me. I bet it's huge.

Ryan You have no idea.

Alex How big? What is it, this big? This big?

Ryan I don't want to brag.

Alex Oh, come on! Come on.

Ryan Let's just say I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.

Alex This is pretty fucking sexy.

Ryan Hope it doesn't cheapen our relationship.

Alex We're two people who get turned on by elite status. I think cheap is our starting point.

Ryan There's nothing cheap about loyalty.

Steve Who the fuck are you, man?

Ryan Excellent question. Who the fuck am I? Poor Steve has worked here for seven years. He's never had a meeting with me before, or passed me in the hall, or told me a story in the break room. And that's because I don't work here. I work for another company that lends me out to pussies like Steve's boss, who don't have the balls to sack their own employees, and in some cases, for good reason. Because people do crazy shit when they get fired.

Ryan Never get behind people traveling with infants. I've never seen a stroller collapse in less than 20 minutes. Old people are worse. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love em.

Natalie That's racist.

Ryan I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.

San Francisco Manager So, what happened?

Natalie How exactly do you mean?

San Francisco Manager You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?

Natalie Challenging work.

San Francisco Manager I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.

Natalie I... followed a boy.

San Francisco Manager I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.

San Francisco Manager This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.

Ryan To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.

San Francisco Manager I sure hope he's right.

Bob What do you suggest I tell them?

Natalie Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children.

Bob The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year. Unemployment is, what? Two hundred fifty bucks a week? Is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice fucking one bedroom apartment somewhere. And I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for.

Natalie Well, umm, tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping.

Bob Go fuck yourself", that's what my kids will think.

Ryan Your kids admiration is important to you?

Bob Yeah. Yeah. It was.

Ryan I doubt they ever admired you, Bob.

Bob Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?

Ryan I'm not a shrink, I'm a wake-up call. Do you know why kids love athletes?

Bob I don’t know, because they screw lingerie models.

Ryan No, that’s why we love them. Kids love athletes because they follow their dreams.

Bob Well I can’t dunk.

Ryan No, but you can cook.

Bob What are you talking about?

Ryan Your resume says that you minored in French Culinary Arts. Most students, they’ll work the fryer at KFC, but you bussed tables at El Picador to support yourself. And then you get out of college and you come and you work here. How much did they first pay you to give up on your dreams?

Bob Twenty seven grand a year.

Ryan And when were you going to stop and come back and do what makes you happy?

Bob Good question.

Ryan I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives, guys exactly like you. They clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness. You have an opportunity here, Bob. This is a rebirth. If not for you, do it for your children.

Ryan Bingham Five words: "Randomly selected for additional screening.

Ryan Bingham All the things you probably hate about traveling – the recycled air, the artificial lighting, the digital juice dispensers, the cheap sushi – are warm reminders that I’m home.

Ryan Natalie, what is it you think we do here?

Natalie We prepare the newly unemployed for the emotional and physical hurdles of job hunting, while minimizing legal blow-back.

Ryan That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.

Natalie Okay, what are we doing?

Ryan We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.

Natalie That’s really impressive. You gonna put that in your book?

Natalie What happened to Alex?

Ryan She had to leave town to get to a meeting.

Natalie That's too bad, where's she live?

Ryan Chicago.

Natalie Are you going to go see her?

Ryan We don't really have that kind of relationship.

Natalie What kind of relationship do you have?

Ryan Casual.

Natalie Sounds pretty special. Do you think there's a future there?

Ryan We never really thought about it. What's going on here?

Natalie Really? Never thought about it?

Ryan[ No.

Natalie How can you not think about that? How does it not cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?

Ryan It just doesn't.

Natalie Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?

Ryan A chance at what?

Natalie A chance at something real

Ryan Your definition of "real" is going to evolve as you get older.

Natalie The isolation, the traveling. Is that supposed to be charming?

Ryan No, it's simply a life choice.

Natalie It's a cocoon of self-banishment.

Ryan Wow, big words.

Natalie You have a set up a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection. And now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice and comes out on the other end smiling. Just so you can call her "casual"? I need to grow up? You're a twelve year old.

Ryan Bingham Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's because they sat there that they were able to do it.

Alex What were you thinking showing up at my door like that?

Ryan I wanted to see you. I didn't know you had a family why wouldn't you tell me that?

Alex Goran I'm sorry I ruined your evening but you could've seriously screwed things up for me. That's my family that's my real life.

Ryan I thought I was a part of your life.

Alex I thought we signed up for the same thing.

Ryan Tell me what exactly you signed up for.

Alex I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.

Ryan I'm a parenthesis?

Alex What do you want? Tell me what you want. You don't even know what you want. I'm a grown up, so if you'd like to see me again then give me a call.

Ryan Bingham How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to feel the straps on your shoulders. Feel em? Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life. You start with the little things. The things on shelves and in drawers, the knick-knacks, the collectibles. Feel the weight as that adds up. Then you start adding larger stuff, clothes, table-top appliances, lamps, linens, your TV. The backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. And you go bigger. Your couch, bed, your kitchen table. Stuff it all in there. Your car, get it in there. Your home, whether it's a studio apartment or a two bedroom house. I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now try to walk. It's kind of hard, isn't it? This is what we do to ourselves on a daily basis. We weigh ourselves down until we can't even move. And make no mistake, moving is living. Now, I'm gonna set that backpack on fire. What do you want to take out of it? What do you want to take out of it? Photos? Photos are for people who can't remember. Drink some ginkgo and let the photos burn. In fact, let everything burn and imagine waking up tomorrow with nothing. It's kind of exhilarating, isn't it?

Natalie Hungry much?

Ryan Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.

Natalie Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?

Ryan You really want to know?

Natalie I'm dying to know.

Ryan I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.

Natalie So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?

Ryan It's not like that. The miles are the goal.

Natalie That's it? You're saving just to save?

Ryan Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.

Natalie That's a little abstract. What's the target?

Ryan I'd rather not...

Natalie Is it a secret target?

Ryan It's ten million miles.

Natalie Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?

Ryan Pi's just a number.

Natalie Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.

Ryan I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.

Natalie Do they throw you a parade?

Ryan You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.

Natalie Wow.

Ryan And they put your name on the side of a plane.

Natalie Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.

Female flight attendant Do you want the can, sir?

Ryan The what?

Female flight attendant Do you want the can, sir?

Ryan The cancer?

Female flight attendant The can, sir?

Ryan Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you.

Natalie Never?

Ryan No.

Natalie Ever?

Ryan No.

Natalie You never wanna get married?

Ryan Nope.

Natalie Never want kids?

Ryan Not a chance.

Natalie Ever?

Ryan Never. Is that so bizarre?

Natalie Yes. Yes, it is.

Ryan I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.

Natalie What?

Ryan Sell me marriage.

Natalie Okay. How about love?

Ryan Okay.

Natalie Stability. Just somebody you can count on.

Ryan How many stable marriages do you know?

Natalie Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.

Ryan I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.

Natalie How about just not dying alone?

Ryan Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those ], they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.

Ryan Ah, fuck.

Natalie Brian left me!

Ryan Alright. Shh, shh.

Alex You never called.

Ryan Well, I wasn't sure what was appropriate.

Alex Appropriate? Ryan, I'm not some waitress you banged in a snowstorm. That word has no place in our vocabulary. I am the woman that you don't have to worry about.

Ryan Sounds like a trap.

Alex Listen, the next time that you're worried about manners, don't. If you want to call, call. Just think of me as yourself, only with a vagina.

Ryan When am I going to see you?