29 quotes
The Importance of Practice in Performance
Victoria
In spite of what you think, Monsieur Labisse, there are professions where practice *does* make perfect.
[she hits a high note, causing Labisse's wine glass to shatter, and leaves angrily]
Labisse
What in hell was that?
Toddy
B flat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressions of Gratitude and Kindness
Toddy
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, you're most kind. In fact, you're every kind.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontational Expression of Frustration
Toddy
You bitches.
[to the dancers on stage after they drop him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Fond Farewell with Mixed Emotions
Toddy
You were marvelous! And I never want to see any of you again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward Conversations About Privacy and Protection
Norma
You know, I know he's supposed to protect you, but does he have to stay in the same suite with us? I mean I just keep expecting him to break in while we're, uh... while we're making love.
[about Squash]
King
He'd only do that if he heard something unusual. Like if I got excited!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inconveniences of an Ill Old Queen
Toddy
There's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Longing for the Ability to Cry
Toddy
God, there've been times I'd have given my soul to be able to cry like that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Observation on Unusual Appearances
Toddy
The last time I saw a specimen like this they had to shoot the horse.
[looking at a glass of White Wine]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Breaking the Cycle of Worry
Norma
You can't think about it, you just gotta put it out of your mind! The more you think about it, the more you worry. The more you worry, the more you think. Think, worry, worry, think... mm! too soft... It just gets like a vicious cycle! And then, before you know it, you are impudent! What's with the soap?
[eating chocolates; King walks out of the bathroom, holding a bar of soap]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity and Performance in Victor/Victoria
Victoria
So, I'm a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Identity in a Disguise
Police Inspector
You idiot! That's a man!
Labisse
It can't be!
Police Inspector
The person in that room was naked from the waist down, and if that was a woman, then she is wearing the greatest disguise I have ever seen!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Indifference to Gender in Love
King
I don't care if you are a man.
[kisses Victoria]
Victoria
I...I'm not a man.
King
I still don't care.
[Victora kisses him right back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Cautious Inquiry from a Private Investigator
Charles Bovin
You called. I am Charles Bovin, Private Investigator.
Labisse
Good. There is something I want you to find out.
Charles Bovin
At your service.
[sits on one of the bar stools]
Labisse
Be very careful.
Charles Bovin
Monsieur, I am always careful.
Labisse
That stool is broken.
Charles Bovin
It is?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Perspective on Threats
Labisse
If you ever come back, I will have you thrown out.
Toddy
Don't make it sound like such a threat. Being thrown out of a place like this is significantly better than being thrown out of a leper colony.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defiance Against Dismissal and Disrespect
Norma
Thinks he can just push me around! Thinks I'm just gonna hop on the next boat for the States and that'll be that! Well, you've got another thing coming Mr. Big-shot Fairy Marchand! Cause Mrs. Cassidy's little goirl Norma ain't gonna take this one lyin down! And don't kid yourself! You ain't seen the last of me yet! Oh, you okay?
[Norma boards the train and walks all the way down the corridor, raving to herself. She gets out on the balcony of the last car; She opens her coat to reveal her underclothes. A boarding passenger, distracted by this, falls off the platform behind the train]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Dinner Options and Service
Victoria
The bourguignon was just a little tough.
Waiter
Maybe the way you are eating your jaws are getting tired.
Toddy
Speaking of overworked jaws, why don't you treat yours to a sabbatical and fetch me a wine list?
Victoria
This is all they have.
[holding up her wine glass]
Toddy
This? The last time I saw a specimen like this, they had to shoot the horse!
Waiter
How lucky can you get? In one evening a Rockefeller... and a Groucho Marx.
Toddy
Oh, they didn't shoot a real horse... just a costume with two waiters in it.
Waiter
I shall think of a sharp retort while I am getting your roast chicken.
Toddy
It's a wise man who knows when to throw in the towel.
Waiter
And it is a moron who gives advice to a horse's arse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciating Frenchmen in Conversation
Norma
I just love Frenchmen.
Toddy
Oh, so do I!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling for Survival and Basic Necessities
Toddy
You know it's very strange. At the club I thought you were just about at the end of your rope.
Victoria
Oh, I was. I am! This is the first decent meal I've had in almost four days.
Toddy
And you can't pay for it?
Victoria
Caseé!
Toddy
And you want me to have dinner with you?
Victoria
I want you to have the best damn dinner you ever had. Have two! I started off with the roast chicken and I segued to boeuf bourguignon, it's anybody's guess what I could end up with.
Toddy
Oh, I'd guess about thirty days.
Victoria
If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor, but sated. I have a a bug in my purse. At the appropriate moment it goes in my salad.
[lowers voice to a whisper]
Toddy
It'll never work.
Victoria
A bug in my salad?
Toddy
In a place like this, it would be an event if there wasn't a bug in your salad.
Victoria
What about a... cockroach?
Toddy
A cockroach!
Victoria
Shhh! Bigger than your thumb!
Toddy
Ew, God!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Betrayal and Identity in Victor/Victoria
Norma
You two-timing son of a bitch! He's a woman!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disagreement on Relaxation Strategies
King
You and your ideas! "Why don't you take her to Paris with you, Boss?
Squash
I just thought she'd help you relax!
King
NEVER help me relax!
Squash
Then send her home!
King
Why don't you ever come up with a really good idea?
Squash
For instance?
King
YOU send her home!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Change and Finding Happiness
Squash
In one fell swoop you've changed my whole life.
King
It wasn't that kind of a swoop.
Squash
Listen, if a guy like you can have the guts to admit that he's gay ... then so can I.
Squash
You've made me very happy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Gender and Physical Traits
Victoria
Men have Adam's apples.
Toddy
So do some women.
Victoria
Name one.
Toddy
Nana Lanu.
Victoria
Nana Lanu, who's she?
Toddy
The last woman I slept with.
Victoria
When was that?
Toddy
The night before the morning I decided to become a homosexual.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenges of Disguise in Gender Roles
Victoria
You know, pretending to be a man does have its disadvantages.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mutual Reform Through Relationships
Norma
I think that the right woman could reform you.
Toddy
You know, I think that the right woman could reform you, too.
Norma
Me? Give up men? Forget it!
[laughs]
Toddy
You took the words right out of my mouth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection and Shame in Victor/Victoria
Toddy
I know what you're thinking... and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Over Payment and Food
Hotel Manager
You promised to pay me on Tuesday, then on Wednesday, then on Thursday...
Victoria
What's that?
[pointing at his bib]
Hotel Manager
What?
Victoria
Spaghetti?
Hotel Manager
Uh, yes, with meatballs.
Victoria
I'll sleep with you for a meatball.
Hotel Manager
You would?
Victoria
Oh, missed your chance.
[faints]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Invention of Shame and Its Exploitation
Toddy
Shame is an unhappy emotion invented by pietists in order to exploit the human race.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Personal Inquiry Between Friends
King
Hey, Squash...
Squash
Yeah?
King
Can I ask you a... personal question?
Squash
Go ahead.
King
How long, I mean... exactly when did you know you...
Squash
How long have I been gay?
King
Yeah.
Squash
Oh, God, I can't remember when I wasn't!
King
I've known you for fifteen years...
Squash
You know a lot of guys, boss, you'd be surprised.
King
But, you were all-American! I never saw a rougher, tougher, meaner, son-of-a-bitch football player in all my life.
Squash
Boss, if you didn't want the guys to call you queer, you became a rough, tough, son-of-a-bitch football player.
King
Why don't you watch where you're going, huh?
[suddenly colliding with a large man and his companion]
Companion
He says that it was your fault and suggests that you apologize.
[after translating in French]
King
Oh, he does, does he?
Squash
Come on, boss...
King
No, no, no... Well, you tell him if he'd like an apology, he can just get him some gloves and I'll see him in the ring.
[to the companion]
Companion
Just give him ten minutes. He will be delighted to oblige.
[translating]
King
He'll be delighted to oblige." Who the hell does he think he is?
Squash
Guy Langois, the French middleweight boxing champion. But don't worry! He's gay.
[King freezes; whispers]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Request to Secure the Door
Norma
Oh, now wait a minute...WAIT!!!!! Lock the door!
[Victoria, in her disguise, pulls Norma into the bedroom and starts taking off her clothes; whispers]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.