22 quotes
Creating the Perfect Woman in Science
Taglines
Gary and Wyatt have created the perfect woman. And she'll do anything they say all in the name of science.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
High School Party Expectations Explored
Lisa
You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chet's Unconventional Food Suggestion
Chet Donnelly
How bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Essence of Science in Weird Science
Taglines
It's all in the name of science. Weird Science.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creating Your Own Date Solution
Taglines
If you can't get a date, make one!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Authenticity Over Bravado
Lisa
You had to be big shots didn't you. You had to show off. When are you gonna learn that people will like you for who you are, not for what you can give them. Well, in your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.
Wyatt
We forgot to hook up the doll.
Lisa
You forgot to hook up the doll.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Something Unusual Occurs for Wyatt and Gary
Taglines
Something weird is happening at Wyatt and Gary's.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of Aggressive Behavior
Lisa
You ought to know better than to walk into somebody's house and start hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!
[to Wyatt's grandparents after they arrive unannounced]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward Conversations About Adolescent Behavior
Lisa
Have you ever wondered how sad it is, that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom?
Lucy Wallace
Oh Gary! Oh my God!
Gary
Ma, I never tossed off to anything!
Lucy Wallace
You told me you were combing your hair!
Gary
I was! I was!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
From Zeroes to Heroes in a Weekend
Taglines
They went from zeroes to heroes in one fantastic weekend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question of Choices and Adventures
Lisa
So...what would you little maniacs like to do first?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in a Positive Moment
Gary
I could be wrong, but I think these guys are stoked for us, Wyatt.
Wyatt
I got that feelin myself.
Gary
What do we do?
Wyatt
I don't know.
Gary
Should we go for it?
Wyatt
What about Lisa?
Gary
She did say we should party.
Wyatt
Look, let's get on with these two, score points, and go back to Lisa. This is like a dream come true.
Gary
How about if we see if we can score the points with these two and deal with them in case we get to them later?
Wyatt
Sounds good.
Gary
Okay, but whatever happens, we've gotta give Lisa a shot. I don't wanna hurt her feelings. Maybe the girls are lookin for a long lean bone job from me. Ready to party now?
Wyatt
10-4.
Gary
Let's break.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Experiences and Their Thrilling Impact
Lisa
If you ever get the chance, shower with them. I did. Mmm, it's a mindscramble. Hurts so good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chet's Threat to Reveal the Truth
Chet Donnelly
I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad everything. I'm even considering makin up some shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Assessing Lisa's Enjoyment in Any Situation
Wyatt
Do you think Lisa's having a good time?
Gary
Lisa could have a good time at an insurance seminar, Wyatt.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chet's Harsh Reality Check on Romance
Chet Donnelly
You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Friend's Gathering Takes an Unexpected Turn
Wyatt
Lisa, you have to promise me that things aren't gonna get outta control.
Lisa
Wyatt, don't worry. You're just having a few friends over.
Wyatt
I don't have any friends, Lisa.
Gary
He doesn't. Boy ain't lyin'.
Lisa
You do now.
Lisa
Hi!
Guests
HI!!!
One guest
PARTY!
All guests
Party! Party! Party! Party!
[chant]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Among Friends About Past Relationships
Gary
Fats, man, lemme tell you my story, man. Last year, I was insane for this crazy, little 8th grade bitch.
[completely wasted]
Fats
Crazy insane?
Man 1
Insane?
Man 2
Crazy?
Gary
I was nuts for the woman, man. Now, you gotta believe me. I'm tellin the truth here. I speakin to ya. I mean, I was nuts for the girl. And what did it to me was these big titties she had. For a 13-year-old girl, man? She wouldn't have had to worry bout no titties for the rest of her life, boy. You know, she was set. She was looking good, I saying.
Wyatt
That's the truth, baby.
Gary
I called her every night for, like, a month. I mean, I talkin devotion, man.
Mitch
Every damn night?!
Gary
Every night, Mitch. I ain't playin with you.
Mitch
On the telephone?
Gary
What this boy talkin bout, on the telephone, man?!
Fats
Explain it to him!
Gary
Well, damn, Fats! Goddamn! We know there's a telephone!
Lisa
But he hung up on her.
Man 1
Oh, you didn't hang up on her. The chick with those big, big titties?
Gary
Hey, you. Now, here the capper. You know what the bitch did to me?
Mitch
Lay it on me.
Gary
Take this shit on. Listen to what she did to me.
Lisa
She kneed you in the nuts and called him faggot in front of everyone.
Mitch
She did what?!
Man 1
Bitch kneed your nuts?!
Gary
Bitch kneed my nuts, man! I ain't playin with ya.
Fats
In the family jewels?
Gary
In the family jewels, man!
Wyatt
Worst pain there is.
Gary
Broke my heart in two!
Fats
She broke more than your heart.
Mitch
You can forget that other one. You got this fine jewel sittin right over here by you.
[points to Lisa]
Gary
Ain't that the truth, baby? That's the clean truth!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Unexpected Situations with Confidence
Wyatt
What are we gonna do with her?
Gary
Look, we'll just go with the situation. Okay? And I'm sure by Sunday, you'll think of something. You're a very bright guy. I have a lot of faith in you. Okay? All right?
Wyatt
I'm just being practical.
Gary
I know you are. Okay? And I appreciate it.
Wyatt
But what are we gonna do about this mess?
Gary
Wyatt, you'll have plenty of time to clean up tomorrow. Okay?
Wyatt
Okay, but don't get any B.O. on Chet's suit, or he'd kill me.
Wyatt
Where are we going, anyway?
Gary
I don't know. She said we're gonna go downtown and... Oh, my God! Whose stuff is this? Is that your stuff? Is this yours?
[looks at the suits]
Wyatt
Oh, shit. Gary, I don't know what's goin'--
Gary
Wyatt, what's goin on here?
Wyatt
I don't know.
Gary
What is goin on here?
Wyatt
Gary, I don't know!
Gary
I don't know what's goin on here!
Wyatt
You look good though! All right?!
Gary
Yeah?!
Wyatt
Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Attraction in Unlikely Pairing
Dino
Tell me something. What's a beautiful broad like you doing with a malaka like this? Huh?
Lisa
It's purely sexual.
Dino
No shit.
Gary
She's into malakas, Dino!
Dino
She's into malakas"! Do you believe that?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Nature of Desire
Taglines
...it's purely sexual.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ceremonial Bras on Heads Explained
Wyatt
Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?
Gary
Ceremonial.
[hesitates]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.