What Women Want (2000) - Quotes

Alex Marshall: [thinking] I think this is the one! I can't believe this it what I'll be wearing the last night I'm a virgin! ...Or should I say, what I'll be taking off?

Alex Marshall: My dad? He's always been...like an uncle to me. Yeah, Uncle Dad.

Darcy McGuire: [Thinking; turns around and looks away, then back at him, but...; Nick ruffles his pants; Darcy covers her eyes with her hands as Nick laughs] I'm flirting, what is wrong with me? Oh, God, I just looked at his penis! I just hope he didn't see me... Oh shit, I just looked at it again! Stop it!

Darcy McGuire: What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?

Darcy McGuire: Then don't let a little thing like me firing you stand in your way.

Nick Marshall: I don't want that to be it. I don't want that to be it at all.

Nick Marshall: [presenting the Nike ad to their executives, providing the narration for the ad, with Darcy and Wanamaker observing] You don't stand in front of a mirror before a run and wonder what the road will think of your outfit. You don't have to listen to its jokes and pretend that they're funny in order to run on it. It would not be easier to run if you dressed sexier. The road doesn't notice if you're not wearing lipstick, does not care how old you are. You do not feel uncomfortable because you make more money than the road. And you can call on the road whenever you feel like it, whether it's been a day or even a couple of hours since your last date. The only thing the road cares about...is that you pay it a visit once in a while. Nike: No games, just sports.

Nick Marshall: You know that whole deal about "penis envy"? Not true. No. Half of women don't even like it. You know who has penis envy? We do. That's why we cheat and we lie, because we're all obsessed with our own equipment!

Nick Marshall: Why do guys like to do it in front of a mirror? Because "objects appear larger than they actually are".

Nick Marshall: [After going through a painful attempt to wax his leg hair] Women are insane. Who would do that more than once? ...Why would they do the other leg?

Nick Marshall: [Drunkedly singing along with the song [[w:Bitch (Meredith Wilson song)|Bitch] ] ] I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm a brother, it's confusing, as I volumize my hair, and I am not aware...

Nick Marshall: [Examining the contents of the box that Darcy gave to find inspiration; Reaches into the box and pulls out..; Closes his eyes; Sniffs the lipstick; His eyes shoot open] Nobody panic, this is supposed to be fun." Alright, I can do this, I'm a professional. Lipstick, alright. Lipstick on a guy's collar? No, women will hate that. Lipstick on a guy's collar that won't rub off. No, that's much worse. Okay, I need to start thinking like a broad. Alright, I'm a broad. I see lipstick... on a dark-haired Tahitian beauty standing under a waterfall, wearing nothing but a thong, and water cascading down her back- I'm a lesbian!

Nick Marshall: There's way too much estrogen on TV these days.

Nick Marshall: [Imitating Sean Connery from [[The Hunt for Red October (film)|The Hunt for Red October] ] ] "Adver-sary?" Surely, you mean "adversary", old boy?

Nick Marshall: You know what's the difference between a wife and a job? After fifteen years, a job still sucks.

Lola: You talk to me like a woman, you think like a woman. Nick, come on, admit it. You're totally and completely gay!