22 quotes
Finding Apartments Through Unconventional Methods
Sally
At least I got the apartment.
Harry
That's what everyone says. But, really, what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is look in the obituary section. You see who died, find out where they lived, and tip the doorman. What they could do to make it easier is combine the two. You know, Mr. Kline died yesterday, leaving behind a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward First Dates and Unforgettable Moments
Sally
The first date back is always the toughest, Harry.
Harry
You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?
Sally
How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?
Harry
We're talking dream date compared to my horror. It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "Hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave." Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile.
[she laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question About Past Relationships
Harry
With whom did you have this great sex?
Sally
I'm not going to tell you that.
Harry
Fine, don't tell me.
Sally
Shel Gordon.
Harry
Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.
Sally
I did too.
Harry
No you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man... but humpin and pumpin is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don. Doesn't work.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation About Relationships and Moving On
Sally
I don't have to take this crap from you.
Harry
If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?
Sally
I see people.
Harry
See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?
Sally
What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I fuck somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something.
Harry
Are you finished now?
Sally
Yes.
Harry
Can I say something?
Sally
Yes.
Harry
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Relationship Dynamics
Sally
You know, I am so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at three o'clock in the morning and go clean your andirons. And you don't even have a fireplace.
Harry
Why are you getting so upset about this?
Sally
You are a human affront to all women. And I am a woman.
Harry
I think they have an OK time.
Sally
How do you know?
Harry
What do you mean how do I know? I know.
Sally
Because they...
Harry
Yes, because they...
Sally
And how do you know that they really...
Harry
What are you saying, that they fake orgasm?
Sally
It's possible.
Harry
Get outta here!
Sally
Why? Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Harry
Well they haven't faked it with me.
Sally
How do you know?
Harry
Because I know.
Sally
Oh, right, that's right, I forgot, you're a man.
Harry
What is that supposed to mean?
Sally
Nothing. It's just that all men are sure it never happened to them and that most women at one time or another have done it so you do the math.
Harry
You don't think that I could tell the difference?
Sally
No.
Harry
Get outta here.
Harry
Are you OK?
Older Woman Customer
I'll have what she's having.
[to waiter]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unexpected Benefits of Depression
Sally
I went to bed at 7... 30 last night. I haven't done that since the 3rd grade.
Harry
That's the good thing about depression. You get your rest.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misinterpreted Compliments in Relationships
Harry
You know, the first time we met, I really didn't like you that much -
Sally
I didn't like you.
Harry
Yeah you did. You were just so uptight then. You're much softer now.
Sally
You know, I hate that kind of remark. It sounds like a compliment, but really it's an insult.
Harry
OK, you're still as hard as nails.
Sally
I just didn't want to sleep with you, and you had to write it off as a character flaw instead of dealing with the possibility that it might have something to do with you.
Harry
What's the statute of limitations on apologies?
Sally
Ten years.
Harry
Ooh. I can just get it in under the wire.
Sally
Harry, would you like to have dinner with me sometime?
Harry
Great. A woman friend. You know, you may be the first attractive woman I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.
Sally
That's great, Harry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Airport Rides and Relationship Dynamics
Harry
You take someone to the airport, it's clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.
Sally
Why?
Harry
Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me "How come you never take me to the airport any more?
Sally
It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Time in Relationships
Harry
Why can't we get past this? I mean, are we gonna carry this thing around forever?
Sally
Forever? It just happened!
Harry
It happened three weeks ago. You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?
Sally
Yes. Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?
Harry
Yes.
Sally
Who is the dog?
Harry
You are.
Sally
I am? I am the dog? I am the dog?
Harry
Um-hmm.
Sally
I am the dog. I don't see that, Harry. If anybody is the dog, you are the dog. You want to act like what happened didn't mean anything.
Harry
I'm not saying it didn't mean anything. I am saying why does it have to mean everything?
Sally
Because it does! And you should know that better than anybody because the minute that it happens, you walk right out the door!
Harry
I didn't walk out.
Sally
No, sprinted is more like it!
Harry
We both agreed it was a mistake!
Sally
The worst mistake I ever made!
Harry
What do you want from me?
Sally
I don't want anything from you!
Harry
Fine. Fine, but let's just get one thing straight. I did not go over there that night to make love to you, that is not why I went there. But you looked up at me with these big weepy eyes. "Don't go home tonight, Harry." "Hold me a little longer, Harry." What was I supposed to do?
Sally
What are you saying, you took pity on me?!
Harry
No, I was...
Sally
Fuck you!
[slaps Harry]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confession of Love and Uncertainty
Harry
I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.
Sally
What?
Harry
I love you.
Sally
How do you expect me to respond to this?
Harry
How about, you love me too?
Sally
How about, I'm leaving?
Harry
Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?
Sally
I'm sorry, Harry. I know it's New Year's Eve, I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and expect that to make everything all right. It doesn't work this way.
Harry
Well, how does it work?!
Sally
I don't know, but not this way.
Harry
How about this way? I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Sally
You see? That is just like you, Harry! You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you! And I hate you, Harry. I really hate you. I hate you.
[starting to tear up]
Harry
What does this song mean? My whole life, I don't know what this song means. I mean, Should old acquaintance be forgot'. Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances? Or does it mean that if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot em?
Sally
Well, maybe it just means that... we should remember that we forgot them, or something. Anyway, it's about old friends.
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Relationship Dynamics
Jess
I don't understand this relationship.
Harry
What do you mean?
Jess
You enjoy being with her?
Harry
Yeah.
Jess
You find her attractive?
Harry
Yeah.
Jess
And you're not sleeping with her.
Harry
No.
Jess
You're afraid to let yourself be happy.
Harry
Why can't you give me credit for this? This is a big thing for me. I never had a relationship with a woman that didn't involve sex. I feel like I'm growing.
Harry
It's very freeing. I can say anything to her.
Jess
Are you saying you can say things to her you can't say to me?
Harry
Nah, it's just different. It's a whole new perspective. I get the woman's point of view on things. She tells me about the men she goes out with and I can talk to her about the women that I see.
Jess
You tell her about other women.
Harry
Yeah. Like the other night. I made love to this woman, and it was so incredible, I took her to a place that wasn't human, she actually meowed.
Jess
You made a woman meow?
Harry
Yeah. That's the point, I can say these things to her. And the great thing is, I don't have to lie because I'm not always thinking about how to get her into bed. I can just be myself.
Jess
You made a woman meow?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
High Maintenance vs. Low Maintenance Women
Harry
There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
[while watching [[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]
Sally
And ] is low maintenance?
[[Ingrid Bergman]
Harry
An L.M. Definitely.
Sally
Which one am I?
Harry
You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally
I don't see that.
Harry
You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you.
Sally
Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry
I know; high maintenance.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Optimism in Relationships and Name Choices
Harry
I'm getting married.
Sally
You are? Who is she?
Harry
Her nam is Helen Hilson. She's a lawyer. She's keeping her name.
Sally
Well, that's just so optimistic of you, Harry.
Harry
You'd be surprised by what falling madly in love will do to you. Plus, you know you just get to a certain point where you get tired of the whole thing.
Sally
What "whole thing"?
Harry
The whole life-of-a-single-guy thing. You meet someone, you have the safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. You go dancing, you do the white-man's over-bite, go back to her place, you have sex and the minute you're finished you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home. Is thirty seconds enough?
Sally
That's what you're thinking? Is that true?
Harry
Sure! All men think that. How long do you want to be held afterwards? All night, right? See there's your problem, somewhere between thirty seconds and all night is your problem.
Sally
I don't have a problem!
Harry
Yeah you do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited Love and Self-Reflection
Sally
He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.
[Crying]
Harry
If you could take him back now, would you?
Sally
No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?
Harry
Nothing.
Sally
I'm difficult.
Harry
You're challenging.
Sally
I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry
But in a good way.
Sally
No, no, no, I drove him away. And I'm going to be forty!
Harry
When?
Sally
Someday!
Harry
In eight years!
Sally
But it's there! It's like a big dead end! And it's not the same for men -- ] had kids in his 70's!
[[w:Charlie Chaplin|Charlie Chaplin]
Harry
Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up.
[she laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of Love and Olympic Judging
Harry Burns
Had my dream again where I'm making love, and the Olympic judges are watching. I'd nailed the compulsories, so this is it, the finals. I got a 9.8 from the Canadians, a perfect 10 from the Americans, and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. Must have been the dismount.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
When Harry Met Sally... - Dialogue 6
Harry
Would you like to have dinner? ...Just friends.
Sally
I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry
When did I say that?
Sally
On the ride to New York.
Harry
No, no, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends...unless both of them are involved with other people. Then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. That doesn't work either. Because what happens then is the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with, like it means something is missing from the relationship and wanted to go outside to get it. Then when you say, No, no, no, no, it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship, the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are - I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it - which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends. So where does it leave us?
Sally
Goodbye Harry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship Between Men and Women Explored
Taglines
Can men and women be friends or does sex always get in the way?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship, Love, and the Morning After
Taglines
Can two friends sleep together and still love each other in the morning?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship Between Men and Women Debated
Harry
You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.
Sally
Why not?
Harry
What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally
That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry
No you don't.
Sally
Yes I do.
Harry
No you don't.
Sally
Yes I do.
Harry
You only think you do.
Sally
You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry
No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally
They do not.
Harry
Do too.
Sally
They do not.
Harry
Do too.
Sally
How do you know?
Harry
Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally
So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry
No, you pretty much want to nail em too.
Sally
What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry
Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally
Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry
Guess not.
Sally
That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Communication and Connection
Harry Burns
The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.
[leaving a message for Sally]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Concept of a Dark Side
Sally
Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
Harry
That's what drew her to me.
Sally
Your dark side?
Harry
Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts.
Sally
I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry
When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.
Sally
That doesn't mean you're deep or anything. I mean, yes, basically I'm a happy person...
Harry
So am I.
Sally
...and I don't see that there's anything wrong with that.
Harry
Of course not. You're too busy being happy. Do you ever think about death?
Sally
Yes.
Harry
Sure you do. A fleeting thought that drifts in and out of the transom of your mind. I spend hours, I spend days...
Sally
And you think this makes you a better person?
Harry
Look, when the shit comes down, I'm gonna be prepared and you're not, that's all I'm saying.
Sally
And in the meantime, you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Illusions and Truths in Relationships
Harry
I knew the whole time that even though we were happy, it was just an illusion and that one day she would kick the shit out of me.
Jess
Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity - it's just a symptom that something else is wrong.
Harry
Oh really? Well, that symptom is fucking my wife.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.