30 quotes
The Power of Laughter as a Weapon
Roger Rabbit
A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it is the only weapon we have.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Toast to the Pencil Pushers
Eddie Valiant
Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning.
[to Earl, who recently got laid off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roger Rabbit's Call for Justice
Roger Rabbit
Yes, it is me my dearest. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage! That is it, Doom! Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead! Thought you could get away with it, didn't you?! Ha! We Toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid! We demand justice! Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!
['''Judge Doom''': Put that gun down, you buck toothed fool!; a 1-ton load of bricks falls on him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jessica Rabbit's Reflection on Choices
Jessica Rabbit
Mr. Valiant? I hope you're proud of yourself. And those pictures you took.
[madly slaps Eddie in the face]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of the Shave-and-a-Haircut Trick
Smart Ass
Say, boss. You want we should "disresemble" the place?
Doom
No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit is going to come right to me. No toon can resist the old Shave-and-a-Haircut trick.
[taps "Shave and a Haircut" on counter; taps "Shave and a Haircut" a few times]
Eddie
I don't know who's toonier; you or Doom. Roger! Roger! Roger, no!
[Roger starts freaking out; Doom taps "Shave and a Haircut"; Roger freaks out even more]
Doom
Shave and a haircut.
[taps "Shave and a Haircut" again; Roger violently freaks out to his limits]
Roger
2 BITS!
[crashes through the wall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roger Rabbit's Plea for Truth
Roger Rabbit
Oh, Jessica. Please tell me it's not true. P-p-p-please?
[while crying, looking at his pictures of him and Jessica; wedding, honeymoon and nightclub]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roger Rabbit's Frustration with Eddie
Roger Rabbit
Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss? Hey, Eddie! (makes silly noise) Boy, nothing!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eddie Valiant's Reaction to a Trap
Eddie Valiant
Nice booby trap!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation in a Tense Encounter
Bongo
What do you think you're doing, chump?
Eddie
Who are you callin a chump, chimp?
Bongo
And don't let me catch your peepin face around here again! Got it?
[closes the door]
Eddie
OOGA-BOOGA!
Marvin
Come, my dear, Jessica. Over here. I have everything ready. Right here, on the bed.
Jessica
Oh, not tonight, Marvin. I have a headache.
[tired out]
Marvin
Oh, Jessica, you promised.
Jessica
Oh, all right. But this time, take off that hand buzzer.
Eddie
You gotta be kidding me.
[surprised]
Roger
Patty-cake! Patty-cake! I don't believe it! Patty-cake! Patty-cake! Is that true?!
[crying; struggles the window blinds; heads to bang his head on his desk]
Maroon
Take comfort, son. You're not the first man whose wife played patty cake on him.
Roger
I just don't believe it. I won't believe it. I can't believe it. I shan't believe it!
Eddie
Believe it, kid. I took the pictures myself. She played patty cake.
[drops the wet handkerchief in the bin]
Roger
No... not my Jessica! Not patty cake. This is impossible. I don't believe it. It can't be. It just can't be. Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the light of my life, the apple of my eye, the cream in my coffee.
[looks at couple pictures of Jessica and Marvin; throws pictures into the air]
Eddie
You better start drinking it black, cause Acme's taking the cream now.
Maroon
Hard to believe. Marvin Acme's been my friend and neighbor for 30 years. Who would've thought he was a sugar daddy?
Roger
Somebody must have made her do it.
Maroon
Now drink this, son. It'll make ya feel better.
[hands Roger a glass of whiskey]
Roger
Thanks. I needed that.
[drunkenly]
Eddie
Son of a bitch. Look, Mr. Maroon, I think my work here is finished. How about that carrot you owe me, huh?
[shakes the whiskey off of his hands]
Maroon
A deal's a deal.
[hands Eddie the check]
Eddie
Thanks.
Maroon
Roger. I know all this seems pretty painful now. But you'll find someone new. Won't he, Mr. Valiant?
Eddie
Yeah, sure. A good looking guy like that? The dames'll be breaking his door down.
[chuckles]
Roger
Dames?! What dames?! Jessica's the only one for me! You'll see! We'll rise above this pickling peccadillo! We're going to be happy again! You got that? Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!
[suddenly comes to life; angered; grabs Eddie by the collar]
Eddie
Well, at least he took it well.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Skeptical Response to an Unbelievable Situation
Eddie Valiant
You gotta be kidding me.
[while seeing Jessica Rabbit and Marvin Acme playing patty-cake]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roger Rabbit's Plea for Help
Roger Rabbit
P-p-p-please!
[repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Baby Herman's Behavior
Eddie
Uh... Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, wait a minute! Hey, hey!
[runs to them]
Sitter
I've been tryin to make him quit, but he just won't listen to me.
Baby Herman
What do you know, you dumb broad? You got the I.Q. of a rattle. You Valiant?
Eddie
Yeah.
Baby Herman
I wanna talk to you about the Acme murder. Hey, psst, doll. Why don't you run downstairs and get me a racin form?
[to a woman; slaps sitter's butt]
Sitter
Okay, okay, I'm going!
[leaves]
Eddie
The lady's man, huh?
Baby Herman
My problem is, I've got a 50-year-old lust and a 3-year-old body.
Eddie
Yeah. Must be tough.
Baby Herman
Look, Valiant. The rabbit didn't kill Acme. He's not a murderer. I should know. He's a dear friend of mine. I tell you, Valiant, the whole thing world's like yesterday's diapers. Look at this. The paper says Acme left no will. That's a load of succotash. Every toon knows Acme had a will. He promised to leave Toontown to us Toons. That will is the reason he got bumped off!
[hands Valiant a newspaper for August 1947]
Eddie
Has anybody ever seen this will?
Baby Herman
Ah, no. But he gave us his solemn oath.
Eddie
If you believe that that joker could do anything solid, the gag's on you pal!
[turns the baby carriage around]
Baby Herman
I just figured since you were the one who got my pal in trouble, you might want to help get him out. I can pay ya.
Eddie
Save your money for a pair of elevator shoes!
[angrily pushes the baby carriage forward, and rolls it down the hall]
Baby Herman
Hey, no! Valiant, don't! Oh! My stogie! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
[collides with the sitter, drops his cigar; looks down at his cigar, starts crying]
Eddie
It ain't not my fault the rabbit got himself in trouble. All I did was take a couple of lousy pictures. The baby was right. The hell with it.
[looks at the newspaper in his office; drinks his whiskey; notices the will is Marvin Acme is in the picture, gets out of the magnifying glass to investigate it]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jessica Rabbit's Reaction to DIP
Jessica Rabbit
Oh, my God! It's DIP!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange About Rhyme and Sanity
Eddie
Now Roger is his name / Laughter is his game / Come on, you dope, untie his rope / And watch him go insane.
Jessica
He's lost his mind.
Roger
I don't think so.
[in a sing-song voice]
Eddie
This singin ain't my line / It's tough to make a rhyme / If I get stuck, um... I'm-I'm out of luck, um...
Jessica
I'm running out of time!
Eddie
Thanks!
Roger
Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killin em! You're slayin em! You're knockin em dead!
Eddie
I'm through with takin falls / And bouncin off the walls / Without that gun, I'd have some fun / I'd kick you in the...
Roger
Nose!
Smart Ass
Nose"? That don't rhyme with "walls.
Eddie
No, but this does!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Beauty and Identity
Jessica
You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.
Eddie
You don't know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Jessica
I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judge Doom's Future Beyond Toontown
Judge Doom
You see, Mr. Valiant, the successful conclusion of this case draws the curtains on my career as a jurist in Toontown. I am retiring to take a new role in the private sector.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eddie Valiant's Preference for Scotch
Eddie Valiant
Scotch on the rocks. And I mean ice!
[Penguin waiters from Mary Poppins]
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Eddie Valiant Declares His Stance on Toons
Eddie Valiant
Get this straight, meatball. I... don't... work for toons!
[stuffs a hard-boiled egg in Angelo's mouth and storms off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eddie Valiant's Indifference to Rabbit's Troubles
Eddie Valiant
It ain't my fault the rabbit got himself in trouble. All I did was take a couple of lousy pictures. The baby was right. The hell with it.
[looks at the newspaper in his office; drinks his whiskey; notices the will is Marvin Acme is in the picture, gets out of the magnifying glass to investigate it]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judge Doom's Desperate Moment
Judge Doom
I'M MELTING! MELTING! WAUGH-WAUGH-WAAAAH! Oh no!
[last words]
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Judge Doom's Sinister Reminder to Eddie
Judge Doom
Remember me, Eddie?! When I KILLED your brother, I TALKED. JUST. LIKE. THHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIS!!!
[after showing Eddie his true form: A toon; as his voice grows higher-pitched every second]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Uncertainty of a Missing Will
Doom
Do they have the will or not?
Smart Ass
Nah, just a stupid love letter.
Doom
No matter. I doubt if that will is going to show up in the next 15 minutes, anyway.
Eddie
What happens in the next 15 minutes?
Doom
Toontown will be legally mine - lock, stock, and barrel.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Toons and Tensions in the Dark
Roger
Hey, who turned out the lights? I can't see a thing! What's going on?
Eddie
You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you and what are you doing? Singing and dancing!
Roger
But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
[kicks the bucket off and Valiant catches it]
Eddie
SIT DOWN!!
Roger
You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
Eddie
Yeah. And when they're done laughing, they're gonna call the cops! That guy, Angelo, would rat on you for a nickel.
Roger
Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
Eddie
Why, just because you made him laugh?
Roger
That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Unlikely Situations
Eddie
D'you mean to tell me you could've taken your hand outta that cuff at any time?!
Roger
No. Not at any time. Only when it was funny. Bl-bl-bl-! C'mon, Eddie! Where's your sense of humor?
[jumps away as Eddie tries to hit him and spins in a chair]
Dolores
Is he always this funny or only on days when he's wanted for murder?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eddie Valiant's Response to Insult
Eddie Valiant
Who're you calling a chump, chimp?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disagreement Over Drinking Choices
Eddie
Happy Trails.
Roger
No, thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin to cut down.
Eddie
Drink the drink!
Roger
But I don't want the drink!
Doom
He doesn't want the drink.
Eddie
He does!
Roger
I don't!
Eddie
You do!
Roger
I don't!
Eddie
You do!
Roger
I don't!
Eddie
You do!
Roger
I don't!
Eddie
You don't.
Roger
I do!
Eddie
You don't!
Roger
I do!
Eddie
You don't!
Roger
Listen! When I say "I do", that means I do!
[takes the drink]
Eddie
Got you, kid!
[knocks over the barrel of dip to slow down Doom]
Roger
Come on, Eddie! Let's get outta here! Move it, pops! YIKES!! Yeah! That was quick thinking, Eddie! Nothin like using the ol spine flower, the wise noodle, the smart puddin'!
[he and Eddie rush outside]
Eddie
Roger, let's use this!
[grabs Roger and throws him in the weasels van]
Roger
Let's get outta here! What are you waiting for?!
Eddie
THERE'S NO DAMN KEY!
Benny
HEY, YOU WEASELS! LET ME OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?! COME ON! I'VE GOTTA MAKE A LIVING!
Roger
Benny, is that you?
[opens the hatch and looks back]
Benny
No, it's ]. Come on, Roger. Get me outta here!
[sarcastically; [Eleanor Roosevelt]
Roger
Eddie! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!
[squeezes through the hatch and the love letter to Jessica falls into Eddie's lap. He puts it in his pocket]
Benny
Ah! That's better! I can't believe they locked me up for driving on a sidewalk!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roger's Declaration of Love and Happiness
Roger Rabbit
Dames?! What dames?! Jessica is the only one for me! You will see! We will rise above this pickling peccadillo! We are going to be happy again! You got that?! Happy! Capital H-A-P-P-I!
[angrily to Eddie]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jessica Rabbit's Moment of Dizziness
Jessica Rabbit
I think... I'm gonna faint.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judge Doom's Plan for Toontown Destruction
Judge Doom
Can you guess what this is? That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the Earth!
['''Jessica Rabbit:''' Oh, my God! It's '''DIP!!!''']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Purpose of Laughter in Life
Roger Rabbit
My whole purpose in life is to...make...people...laugh!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.