Willy's Wonderland (2021) - Quotes

Liv: [Willis, in the Willy costume, stalks behind the birthday boy. He slashes his claws at the boy and kidnaps the boy's sister while their parents flee; Sirens wail outside the restaurant; [w:Vulcan (Star Trek)#Katra|Katra; A little girl hugs Gus Gorilla. Gus Gorilla grabs her; A fat little boy is about to touch Siren Sara's breasts] I know the bullshit story they told you. That if you clean up the place tonight, they’ll pay to have your tires fixed by morning, right? It’s a lie. They’ve said the same story to countless other over the last 20 years. They baited you. You’re here to be a human sacrifice. You’re here to be eaten and killed. Do you understand that? This town has a dark history. And it all starts with this horrible place. You know, Willy’s may seem like a happy-go-lucky child’s play place, but it’s much, much more than that. Willy’s was built in 1996, the brainchild of Jerry Robert Willis. If that name sounds familiar to you, it should. Jerry was one of the last century’s most sick and sadistic serial killers. Jerry spent most of the time cultivating similar sickos. I mean, these were the most depraved people you could ever imagine. Often, Jerry and his crew would whisk away unsuspecting families to the Super Happy Fun Room. Once inside, the families would be treated to a birthday cake and a private show by Willy Weasel. The shows would always end the same way. After numerous missing persons reports and suspicious smells coming from the inside of Willy’s, the law felt it was time to investigate. Jerry and his gang refused to be taken alive. After the police finally entered the Super Happy Fun Room, they discovered that Jerry and his crew had performed a satanic suicide ritual. Instead of surrendering, the killers decided to take their own lives. Those familiar with satanic rituals speculate that the suicide ritual was some sort of a ] transfer of energy where the memory and consciousness of the living relocate into non-living entities. In this case, the animatronic robots. Ten years later, Willy’s reopens with a new owner, Tex Macadoo. He tries to keep the current public unaware of its horrific past. Things are wrong from the start. There’s reports that the creatures would move on their own. Some would say things they weren’t programmed to say.

Chris: We go in, fast, we split up, and as soon as we find Liv and this janitor dude, we’re out.

Aaron: Hmm.

Chris: What, Aaron?

Aaron: [[w:Batman|Batman] We just don’t need any more ] bullshit, all right?

Chris: Okay. Thank you. Yeah, I know. It’s only going to make it less safe for everyone else.

Dan: You mean kinda like Liv just did?

Chris: Excuse me?

Aaron: Say what you gotta say.

Bob: Speak up. Now’s the time, Dan. You ain’t gonna say it?

Chris: Do you guys have something in mind?

Bob: Hell, yeah, we do. Everything you telling us not to do, that’s exactly what your dream girl got us up here doing. And now we probably all getting fucked up because of it.

Kathy: Bobby.

Bob: What? Am I lying? No, I’m not. It’s the truth.

Chris: Fine. I’ll just go myself.

Bob: [to Kathy; to Chris; to Kathy] Oh, whatever, Chris. When are you getting it through your thick-ass skull, huh? Kissing that ass ain’t gonna get you that ass, playboy. It’ll more than likely get you killed, and ain’t nobody, except for you, baby, worth none of this bullshit you got us up here doing. So you know what? I’m out this bitch. Baby, let’s go.

Aaron: No, Chris! Chris!

Bob: Oh, shit!

Kathy: Bobby!

Bob: God damn!

Chris: Everybody okay?

Aaron: Yeah.

Chris: Nice of you guys to join us.

Liv: [enters the dining area] Wait, what are you guys doing here?

Chris: Oh, my God. Liv, you’re alive.

Liv: I thought we all agreed you were supposed to stay outside and help us find a way out.

Chris: Yeah, uh…

Liv: Now, how the hell are we supposed to get out of here?

Chris: I tried to keep ’em on the roof, but they wouldn’t listen.

Bob: It’s your fault we were on the roof.

Chris: It’s my fault?

Bob: It was your fault.

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics] We’re all friends. We like to play.

Liv: [walking up to Siren Sara] Guys, guys, it’s happening. It’s happening now. Oh, that’s the nasty bitch that tried to kill me.

Chris: Liv.

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics] Play, play, play every night and day.

Liv: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Chris: Hey, what the hell, man?

Liv: What are you… dude!

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics] We’re all Friends. We like to sing.

Chris: Put her down, okay?

Liv: I’m trying to help you, you dumbass! Seriously? I’m trying to help him understand that he’s gonna die in here, but he won’t listen to me.

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics] Sing, sing, sing. It’s a wonderful thing!

Aaron: Wait a second. Wasn’t there eight of them?

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics] We’re all friends. We like to run.

Aaron: Oh, that’s badass.

Aaron: Hey, Chris.

Chris: What?

Aaron: Can you pour gas literally anywhere else?

Chris: I’m sorry you pour like crap, Aaron.

Aaron: You’re pouring gas on top of my gas.

Chris: All right, let me go over here and I’ll just paint the bush.

Aaron: Perfect. Thank you.

Bob: [to Kathy] Hey, you blowing bubbles? Bring your ass.

Aaron: You forgot the lighter, didn’t you?

Chris: No, I didn’t.

Aaron: Then let me see it. Oh, my God.

Chris: There you go.

Liv: [Aaron scoffs] Wait, wait, wait. Uh-uh. Not yet.

Liv: [the Janitor is cleaning the inside of an oven. Liv knocks at the window; the Janitor leaves] That guy’s still in there. We gotta get him out first. Hey, sir! Sir! You’re not safe in there. We gotta get you out. Hey!

Kathy: Well, that was rude.

Bob: Hey, look, if he don’t wanna be safe, it’s his ass, not ours.

Liv: Tough shit. I’m getting him out whether he likes it or not.

Aaron: You wanna go in there with those things? Are you high?

Bob: Look, if he wanna be cremated, that’s his business.

Aaron: Yeah.

Liv: I’m sorry, but I’m just not okay with letting somebody burn alive in there if we can do something about it.

Chris: She’s right.

Aaron: Of course she is, Chris.

Chris: Oh, shut up!

Bob: Hurry this shit up so we can go home.

Liv: I’ll figure out how to get inside, but I’m not putting you guys in danger. You just figure out how to get us out once I do.

Chris: Okay.

Deputy Olson: [laughs] Sheriff, if I may, why’d you request the state to send backup for one night to curfew a place the size of a postage stamp? Oh, don’t get me wrong. I got a wife and kid on the way and I do love the overtime pay.

Sheriff Lund: Double overtime.

Deputy Olson: Right. So what’s the plan the rest of the evening?

Sheriff Lund: See that phone?

Deputy Olson: Yeah.

Sheriff Lund: We’re gonna sit here and pray it don’t ring.

Deputy Olson: Copy that.

Chris: Liv, you in there?

Liv: Oh, shit. Yeah, I’m in here. Can you help me out?

Chris: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Aaron Powers: Okay, calm down, dude. No need to be a superhero.

Chris: [bumps the door] Oh!

Aaron: Oh, my God.

Chris: Oh, damn it! Oh!

Aaron: [opening the door] Nice one, genius. The door was unlocked.

Chris: [they all enter the trailer] How am I supposed to know that?

Aaron: Oh, shit. Let me see if we can find something to get you out of that.

Bob: She gave you a bucket? Bitch is wicked.

Chris: Liv, you okay?

Liv: Are you okay?

Chris: Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just…

Aaron: I found a screwdriver.

Bob: What the hell are we gonna do with a screwdriver? Have y’all never worn handcuffs before?

Aaron: Oh, shut up.

Dan: Why not just look for the key?

Chris: [looks in the refrigerator; closes the refrigerator; as Kathy unlocks the handcuffs, using a hairpin] What the hell am I looking in the fridge for? God, these eggs are definitely bad. We need, like, a saw or a pliers or something.

Bob: Pliers? Can’t find no key in here.

Chris: Shut up and find something.

Bob: You shut up! You ain’t had no handcuffs on.

Liv: [clears throat] Gee, thanks for the help, guys.

Chris: Cool. We good.

Dan: Yo.

Liv: Come on. We’re late. I saw the bait already.

Chris: Where?

Liv: Well, he was with Jed in his truck. Probably locked inside Willy’s by now.

Bob: Well, let’s roll out. I wanna see that bitch burn.

Kathy: Yeah, burn, baby, burn.

Liv: Wait, guys, this isn’t for your entertainment, okay? It’s for doing what’s right.

Bob: It’s gotta be a little entertaining. Look, I wanna see them freak bastards die for what I see ’em do.

Aaron: Shut up, dude. What have you seen them do?

Bob: Remember that one time I was…

Liv: Okay, shut up. Guys. If we’re doing this, we’re gonna do this as a mission, not a field trip. Are you with me or not?

Chris: Yeah, we’re with you, Liv.

Aaron: Whatever you say.

Bob: Yeah.

Liv: All right. Let’s do this.

Tex: [exhales, trying to light cigar] Damn.

Jed: I thought you quit.

Tex: [sighs; throws the lighter at the dumpster] My last one. Piece of shit. All right, let’s get the hell outta here. I can’t stand to hear a grown man scream.

Jed: [to the Janitor; laughs] You want God to laugh, you tell him your plans.

Tex: [to the Janitor] Howdy there, partner. My name is Tex, same as the state. Got the handle Macadoo. Welcome to Willy’s Wonderland.

Jed: Yeah, he don’t talk much.

Tex: [Janitor looks at the graffiti; The Janitor stares at the "Willy's Wonderland" sign; Tex chuckles; He chuckles] And I respect that. I enjoy a man of few words. Well, business is not what it used to be, but I am fixing to reopen and make Willy’s better than ever. Anyway, enough horseshit. Here’s my offer. You spend the night cleaning Willy’s Wonderland and I will pay to have your car fixed. I go on in tomorrow, you come out of there, and your ride will be ready for you right there. Deal? If not, I got places to be. All right. All right. Let’s go inside.

Jed: [to The Janitor] Good luck, mister.

Tex: [He turns on the T.V.] Watch your step. Check this out.

Willy Weasel: [in a commercial; singing with other animatronics] Hey, kids, it’s Willy the Weasel. Welcome to my wonderland. Come on down and meet the gang. We’ve got Arty the Alligator, Siren Sara, Cammy the Chameleon, Gus Gorilla, Knighty Knight, Ozzie the Ostrich, and Tito the Turtle. It’s your birthday, so let’s party, everyone. It’s your birthday and we want you to have fun. It’s your birthday, so let’s party, everyone.

Tex: [opens the janitor's closet; sighs, turning on the light; presents a Willy's Wonderland shirt; sighs; chuckles] We had some great times. Kids laughing, smiling, eating hot dogs, opening presents. You know the story, right? Well, some of these little bastards start crawling over the characters, they get hurt. A couple of lawsuits later from Mommy Safety Organizations and wham, bam, thank you, ma’am, we’re out of business. Shut us right down. Damn thing always gets jammed. Yeah. This stuff oughta do the trick. Broom, mop, bucket, drain snake, Windex, rags, whatever you need, we got it. Oh, lookee here. Congratulations. You are officially on staff. Well, pal, it’s gonna be dark soon. I’ll be back in the morning with that car of yours dapper and ready to drive or my name is not Tex Macadoo. Help yourself to whatever you can find in the kitchen. It’s on the house. And be sure to take breaks. Always good to pace yourself. That’s it. Good luck.

Liv: Take this off me.

Sheriff Lund: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. There’s not a chance in hell I’m letting you out of this trailer tonight.

Liv: I hate you.

Sheriff Lund: Oh, talk sweet to me all you want. Get down. You know the drill. Get down.

Liv: Get out of my way.

Sheriff Lund: Come here.

Liv: [Sheriff Eloise Lund handcuffs her to a pipe] What the hell are you doing? Wait.

Sheriff Lund: I’ll be back in the morning.

Liv: What… how the hell am I supposed to eat? How am I supposed to take a piss?

Sheriff Lund: There are chips on the coffee table and a bucket on the floor. Try not to make a mess.

Liv: You’re a bitch.

Sheriff Lund: [sarcastically; She sarcastically smooches] Oh, I love you too.

Sheriff Lund: Will you just stop it?

Liv: Open the door!

Sheriff Lund: [opens the passenger door; Jed Love pulls up with the Janitor] I’ll open the damn door. What the hell is wrong with you? No! God damn it. Hey, Jed, what’s up?

Jed: This old boy had the misfortune of finding your zigzags out there. I figured I’d bring ’em back to you.

Sheriff Lund: He all right?

Jed: [As he continues talking, The Janitor and Liv Hawthorne stare at each other] Yeah, he’ll be all right. Tire’s not, but he’ll be fine. He had this pretty Camaro right here. Yes, yes, it was that ocean blue…

Sheriff Lund: Jed, I’ll come by and get ’em later.

Jed: All turning around, spinning out, everything. He just slid right in there and then pop, pop…

Sheriff Lund: I don’t have time for this today, okay?

Jed: [takes the Janitor to the garage] Yes, ma’am.

Willy Weasel: [in a commercial; singing with other animatronics; offscreen, as Carl Hawthorne and Judy Hawthorne are in the hallway, listening for Willy Weasel's growls; offscreen, speaking; offscreen, singing with other animatronics, as Carl and Judy run in the hallway, listening for Willy Weasel's snarls. Willy Weasel growls] Hey, kids! You know what time it is? It's birthday time! It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend.

Judy: [She runs into the dining area. Willy Weasel fights her while little Liv watches from the janitor's closet] Carl!

Willy Weasel: [in a commercial, singing with other animatronics; speaking; singing with other animatronics] It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend.

Deputy Evan Olson: [He laughs] Sheriff, if I may, why’d you request the state to send backup for one night to curfew a place the size of a postage stamp? Oh, don’t get me wrong. I got a wife and kid on the way and I do love the overtime pay.

Jed Love: [In the flashback, to The Hawthornes] Well, the good news is, I can fix it. The bad news is, it’s gonna have to sit til I get the part. Now, Hayesville’s one hotel’s booked. But I do have a place you can stay tonight. Now, it ain’t the Ritz, but it’s a roof and it’s free if you’re willing to do a little light cleaning.

Jed Love: [The Janitor pulls a credit card out of his wallet; The Janitor sees an ATM machine with an "Out of order" sign; Jed Love chuckles; He laughs] Hey, it’s gonna be about $250 for the tow, and we’ll need all four tires replaced. And there was something wrong with that chip, I think. But I can fix it for about $1,000. Yep. No, cash only. Uh-uh, no. And in advance. Yeah, I don’t take no plastic credit cards. Oh, that over there. Yeah, we ain’t got no internet in Hayesville. Yeah, so all the ATMs, they just don’t work. Yeah, we were gonna get it, but they just didn’t. You ain’t got the cash, huh? Now, ain’t that a dilly of a pickle? Hmm. You willing to work it off? Okay, then. I think I’ve got somebody who can accommodate.

Jed Love: [to The Janitor; He laughs] Yeah, I tell everybody that attempts the 50, there ain’t shit out here, but you gotta be prepared for anything. A bunch of fun-loving kids stole the zigzag out of the back of the sheriff’s pickup a month ago. Guess you found it for ’em. You know what some folks consider funny? Just ruin a man’s whole damn day. God’s honest truth. Now, where’d you say you’re from? Oh, you’re one of those guys that don’t wanna look back, huh? You’re one where the past lives in the past, huh? Yeah, I understand. No, I can’t blame you. I mean, we all got so much baggage. I just say, move forward. You’re a rolling stone. Yup. We had a car chase around here a while back. Some boy got up to 150 miles an hour, just launched it right off Tension’s Peak, man. It’s like a superhero. It went fwoom! Carnage was terrible. It was just… wow.

Sheriff Eloise Lund: [watching as The Janitor puts the bagged animatronics in the dumpster; The Janitor waves at her; to The Janitor, holding him at gunpoint; marching The Janitor into Willy's Wonderland; to Willy Weasel; to The Janitor; to Willy Weasel; Suddenly, the lights go out. Willy Weasel appears behind her and slices her in half. Both of her halves fall to the floor] That G.D. S.O.B. Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch. Hold it right there, boy. Inside, now! Move! We had a good thing, but you just went and fucked it all up. Look at me. Look at me when I’m talking to you. All you had to do was die. Was that so hard? No, you just had to go ahead and stay alive, and now we got five dead kids because of you! You might have taken apart a few electronics, but I got a feeling that you can’t stop a round. Willy! Willy needs to eat, and I’m gonna feed him. Willy, come and get it!

Sheriff Eloise Lund: [to The Janitor, as Deputy Evan Olson cuffs The Janitor's hands together; to Liv Hawthorne] I’ll give you two reasons why you are: your wife and your kid. If we don’t do what needs to be done, nobody in this county is safe. Why couldn’t you just die? Where are the others?

Sheriff Eloise Lund: [to Willy Weasel, apologetically; to Deputy Evan Olson, holding The Janitor at gunpoint] Oh. Stupid idiots. It’ll just incite him more. Willy, this guy does not act for us. His actions should in no way reflect on the town of Hayesville. You know that, right, Willy? Well, cuff him. For God’s sakes, cuff him.

Ozzie Ostrich: [to The Janitor] I'm gonna feast on your face!

Willy Weasel: [At the end of the movie, popping out of a gray screen as a cartoon version of himself, to the audience; offscreen, singing with other animatronics] And remember, friends, the party never ends! At Willy's Wonderland!

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics; Their voices distort] Look at all these naughty birthday boys and birthday girls. I think it’s time for them to go nightie night. It’s your birthday and we want you to have fun. It’s your birthday, so let’s kill everyone...

Willy Weasel: [singing with other animatronics; speaking; singing with other animatronics] We’re All Friends. We Like to Play. Play, play, play every night and day. We’re All Friends. We Like to Sing. Sing, sing, sing; it’s a wonderful thing! We’re All Friends. We Like to Run. Run, run, run to the beat of the drum. We’re All Friends. We Like to Dance. Dance, dance, dance like there’s ants in our pants. Have you been to my Super Happy Fun Room yet? Well, what are you waiting for? The Super Happy Fun Room is super happy fun. Join us in the Fun Room, where you’ll be number one. Popcorn, cake, and hot dogs, soda and candy too. The Super Happy Fun Room.

Willy Weasel: [in a commercial; singing with other animatronics; speaking; singing with other animatronics; speaking; singing with other animatronics; speaking; singing with other animatronics; speaking] Hey, kids! You know what time it is? It's birthday time! It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. It's your birthday, and we want you to have fun. It's your birthday, so let's party everyone. Okay now, kids. Clap your hands like there's no tomorrow. We welcome you to Willy's, where everyone's your friend. That's right. Here at Willy's Wonderland, the good times never end. Birthday fun for everyone, how old are you today? Everyone at Willy's is hoping you will stay. Forever! It's birthday time, it's birthday time, it's birthday time. Let's cheer at Willy's Wonderland! Proudly serving families since 1984.

Liv Hawthorne: You don’t know what it’s like living with her. My entire life, it’s like I’ve been a ghost. And no matter what I do, it doesn’t change who she is. So I thought maybe I could do something right and burn this fucking place down. So I am doing something. What about you? Hmm? You just gonna sit there and watch all of this happen and not do anything about it?

Liv Hawthorne: Then what are you? You’re complicit. You’re just another cult member recruited by the sheriff to do all of her dirty work.

Liv Hawthorne: [The tires squeal as Deputy Evan Olson stops the police car] What’s worse, the dead body you saw, or the guy that you left to die? Are you ready to be a murderer? Because that’s exactly what you’re gonna be. You’re gonna be a cold-blooded…

Liv Hawthorne: [to Sheriff Eloise Lund; [Watchmen (film)|He's not trapped in there with them. They're trapped in here with him] You don’t understand. You’ve locked the wrong guy up in here. ].

Liv Hawthorne: This town has a dark history and it all starts with this horrible place.

Liv Hawthorne: [walking up to Siren Sara] Guys, guys, it’s happening. It’s happening now. Oh, that’s the nasty bitch that tried to kill me.

Liv Hawthorne: [to The Janitor; as The Janitor walks away; as The Janitor leaves The Fairy Room] Thank God you’re still alive. We gotta get you outta here. I stopped that bitch, but that won’t keep her away for long, so… Hey! Did you not hear what I just said? Hey!

Liv Hawthorne: I’m sorry, but I’m just not okay with letting somebody burn alive in there if we can do something about it.

Liv Hawthorne: Okay, shut up. Guys. If we’re doing this, we’re gonna do this as a mission, not a field trip. Are you with me or not?