Alan Arkin Quotes

Dr. Oatman Go see some old friends. Drink some punch, visit with what's-her-name. Don't kill anybody for a few days; see what it feels like.

Martin Blank I'll give it a shot.

Dr. Oatman No, don't give it a shot! Don't shoot anything!

Lester Siegel Okay, you got six people hiding out in a town of what, four million people, all of whom chant "death to America" all the livelong day. You want to set up a movie in a week. You want to lie to Hollywood, a town where everybody lies for a living. Then you're gonna sneak 007 over here into a country that wants CIA blood on their breakfast cereal, and you're gonna walk the Brady Bunch out of the most watched city in the world.

Tony Mendez Past about a hundred militia at the airport. That's right.

Siegel Right. Look, I gotta tell you. We did suicide missions in the army that had better odds than this.

Bill So, Edward, did you have a productive day?

Edward Mrs. Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be. You could have a cosmetics counter.

Peg Wouldn't that be great?

Bill Great.

Edward And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.

Bill Edward, I can't tell you how thrilled I am, I'm just as pleased as punch. This whole beauty parlor venture is gonna teach you volumes and nothing like running your own business. I've never done it myself, but from what I gather it's the greatest satisfaction a working man can have.

Lester Siegel If I'm going to make a fake movie, it's going to be a fake hit.

Peg You know- damn those TV programs!

Bill Damn them all to hell.

Lester Siegel The saying goes, "What starts in farce ends in tragedy.

John Chambers No, it’s the other way around.

Siegel Who said that exactly?

Chambers ].

Siegel ] said that?

Maxwell Smart Chief, I have to say this whole thing really steams my clams. I can not get over the fact that 23 is a traitor.

The Chief Sand trap.

Maxwell Smart Now I know how you must have felt when you thought I was a traitor, it is demoralizing!

The Chief Tractor.

Maxwell Smart Argh, I don't know how I missed it, I am usually very observant.

The Chief Swordfish!

Maxwell Smart Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

The Chief I don't know. Were you thinking, "Oh my god, oh my god. A swordfish almost went through my head!"? If so, then yes.

Arnie Klein There's gonna come a time very soon, when her ankles are gonna swell up, she's gonna have blotches all over her face, she'll be 40 pounds overweight, she'll be throwing up all the time, she's gonna look at you and she'll say "You bastard! You did this to me!

John Grogan What happened to the glow, you know the...

Arnie Klein There's no glow.

Arnie Klein Sometimes life has a better idea.

Reporter So the title refers to...

Lester Siegel The Argo, it's the, you know, the thing...

Reporter ] and the ], or...?

Siegel The spaceship, it flies around space, all over space...

Reporter Is it the Argonaut?

Siegel No.

Reporter Then what does "Argo" mean?

Siegel It means, Argo fuck yourself.

Arnie Klein Listen, take a vacation. Go away for a couple of weeks. Take a month off.

John Grogan Go where?

Arnie Klein I dunno.

John Grogan I live in a vacation spot.

Arnie Klein Then go to someplace where it's painful and sad.

Arnie Klein Tell your dog not to worry, sooner or later we all lose our balls.

George Aaronow When I talk to the police, I get nervous.

Ricky Roma Yes. You know who doesn't?

George Who?

Ricky Thieves. Always tell the truth, George; it's the easiest thing to remember.

Martin Blank Don't you think that maybe you're just upset because I told you what I do for a living, and you got upset and you're letting it interfere with our dynamic?

Dr. Oatman Whoa. Martin. You didn't tell me what you did for a living...

Martin Blank Yes, I did!

Dr. Oatman You didn't tell me what you did for a living for four sessions. Then you told me. And I said, "I don't want to work with you any more." And yet, you come back each week at the same time. That's a difficulty for me. On top of that, if you've committed a crime or you're thinking about committing a crime, I have to tell the authorities.

Martin Blank I know the law, okay? But I don't want to be withholding; I'm very serious about this process. And I know where you live.

Dr. Oatman Oh, now see? That wasn't a nice thing to say; that wasn't designed to make me feel good. That's a... kind of a... not too subtle intimidation, and I, uh, get filled with anxiety when you talk about something like that.

Martin Blank Come on, come on. I was just kidding, all right? The thought never crossed my mind.

Dr. Oatman You did think of it, Martin! You thought it, and then you said it. And now, I'm left with the aftermath of that, thinking I gotta be creative in a really interesting way or Martin's gonna blow my brains out! You're holding me hostage. That's not right.

Shtarker What good hang time, huh?

The Chief Speak up son. I'm an old man, you know.