Alec BaldwinQuotes

Dennis Dupree: [after Stacee's concert] Paul, you told me this was a freebie.

Paul Gill: Stacee Jaxx does not take a dump for free.

Old Man Dunphy: So what ever happened to that little girl of yours?

Timothy Dunphy: She's going to Brown University in the fall.

Old Man Dunphy: Brown University? They got one of those in Providence!

Timothy Dunphy: There's only one, Pop.

Timothy Dunphy: What's a prep school?

Old Man Dunphy: It's to prepare you for not getting your neck broke by me.

Old Man Dunphy: What are you two knuckleheads up to?

Timothy Dunphy: Going out.

Old Man Dunphy: What you gonna do?

Timothy Dunphy: Hang around.

Old Man Dunphy: When you gonna come back?

Timothy Dunphy: Later.

Old Man Dunphy: Now, was that so hard?

Old Man Dunphy: One more thing. Making sex is like Chinese dinner. It ain't over till you both get your cookies...Remember that I said that.

Brian Gilcrest: Well, I remember the good times.

General Dixon: There were no good times! How does it feel to set back our footprint in the Pacific by a decade? You cost us our prime new partner, future missions, a new space command center, all gone because Carson Welch canceled his contract with us. And why? Why did it all go bad? Because cool guy here, Mr. Sexy Pants, Brian Gilcrest, LOST BRAVE ANGEL!!

Anna: I want to sue my parents for the rights to my own body.

Campbell Alexander: Would you repeat that, please?

Anna: I want to sue my parents for the right to my own body. My sister has leukemia. They are trying to force me to give her my body parts.

Campbell: You're supposed to give her a kidney?

Anna: She has been in renal failure for months now.

Campbell: Well, no one can force you to donate if you don't want to, can they?

Anna: They think they can. I'm under eighteen, they're my legal guardians.

Campbell: They can't do that.

Anna: Well that's what I want you to tell them because they have been doing it to me my whole life. I wouldn't even be alive if Kate wasn't sick. I'm a designer baby. I was made in a dish to be spare parts for Kate.

Campbell: You're kidding, right? You do know what will happen if you don't give her your kidney, right?

Anna: Yeah, she will die.

Campbell Alexander: The kid wasn't lying. The doctor started taking things from her the moment she was born. Cord blood as an infant, white blood cell transfusions, bone marrow, lymphocytes, injections to add more stem cells, then they took them, too, but it was never enough.

Campbell Alexander: I have an iron lung, and Judge helps me steer clear of magnets.

Campbell Alexander: When Anna Fitzgerald first stepped into my office I thought she was selling girl scout cookies.

Mr. Conductor: [narrating] And so we've come to the happy end of our story, and it's time for all of us to go home, just like Thomas.

Junior: Hey, Cous! What's up, enjoying the sun?

Mr. Conductor: No, Junior. I'm not. As a matter of fact, I just escaped here after a heavy metal monster! Junior, where have you been?

Diesel 10: [to Mr. Conductor] Okay, Twinkle Toes. I know about the buffers.

Mr. Conductor: [notices the bridge crumbling] That's what I saw in my dream! It's coming true! My universe is starting to crumble!

Diesel 10: [Mr. Conductor grabs a blue pair of scissors] And I know about the magic railway. And when I find that engine, you and all those puffballs will be history. Now tell me where the buffers are now! You got 10 seconds!

Diesel 10: [Pinchy chomps] It's time to finally put Twinkle Toes lights out. This is a job FOR THE BOSS!

Toby: [rings his bell] I've got to delay him. I'm going to distract him. Hmm…hmm…

Diesel 10: [''Pinchy raises up high''] It's the old teapot! Smash him!

Splatter: Smash him? Hold on, boss!

Dodge: [Pinchy pushed the shed, the roof traps them underneath] You shouldn't push that!

Diesel 10: Pinchy, get back here! Don't make me come up here! I hate it when you do that!

Toby: [chuffs backward] Good show!

Splatter: Uh, boss?

Dodge: Did you mean to let the roof fall in?

Splatter: All the way in?

Diesel 10: [groans] I always mean what I do, you rattletraps!

Mr. Conductor: [''voice only] Diesel was in a dump, but the steam engines were still right on track.

Singers: ♪ He's a really useful engine, you know ♪

Thomas: [chuffs backwards past a Sir Topham Hatt sign and passes a sick Henry] Morning, Henry. What's the matter?

Henry: [sniffs] I've got… boiler ache.

Thomas: And I'm collecting one, two, three, four, five, six trucks of special Island of Sodor coal for you.

Henry: [sneezes] Oh, thank you, Thomas. Special coal will make me feel much better!

Thomas: [backs into the trucks] I wish I could make Mr. Conductor feel better too by finding him.

Bertie: Hello, Thomas and your five coal trucks! Vroom-vroom!

Thomas: Five? But I'm supposed to have six.

Mr. Conductor: [sleeping on the grass in front of some bushes. Images show Shining Time Station with bad weather; voice only, echoing; the ice cream cone on the sign tilts and image shows a road with the word "Stop" on it, a yellow balloon floats past it; the phone booth the juggler was in is empty, balls were scattered all over the place; the bouquet is tilting, the bridge begins to crumble; last shot shows Lady's wheels and coupling rods] The magic is gone! Why did I take my gold dust for granted? I can't help without my gold dust. What is the source of my gold dust? Is someone there? Thomas, is that you?

Thomas: Mr. Conductor! Mr. Conductor!

Mr. Conductor: Thomas?

Thomas: Oh, Mr. Conductor; where are you?

Mr. Conductor: [downbeat; no response] Thomas? How can I possibly say that I'm really useful now?

Junior: [wakes up; pulls off his headphones, and answers his shell phone] That's my shell phone. Hello?

Mr. Conductor: Junior? Junior, is that you?!

Junior: Oh, hi, Cous! Uh, are you in a tunnel? This isn't a very good line.

Mr. Conductor: Junior, where are you?!

Junior: Um, I'm in paradise. I just got in Cloud 9 and here I am.

Mr. Conductor: Junior, listen to me. You've got to come to the Island of Sodor RIGHT NOW!

Junior: Now? But I'm waiting on a perfect wave!

Mr. Conductor: [Junior sighs in annoyance] Oh, no. You're not, you're coming here! You have to help me find the source of all our family's gold dust.

Junior: What is the source?

Mr. Conductor: That's the trouble, Junior. I haven't a clue!

Junior: And I've used up most of my gold dust, too.

Mr. Conductor: [shocked; Junior sighs; quietly] What?! Then go to Shining Time Station first. And in my signal-house in the box under the staircase, you'll find my emergency whistle with the last of my supply. Please take care of this, Junior, and… Don't talk to anyone about the buffers.

Junior: What buffers? This is a really bad line! Hello! My shell phone's not working properly!

Mr. Conductor: Junior, you got to come here right away! I'm counting on you!

Junior: [throws out his phone] Hello?! I want my money back.

Mr. Conductor: [voice only, as Lily finds the right train at the station along with Mutt who joins in] Mutt was feeling pleased to himself. He had put Lily on the wrong train, but he knew he had done so for the right reasons.

Female Singer: ♪ I know how the moon must feel ♪

Mr. Conductor: [shocked, finding out Shining Time is in deep trouble] What's going wrong with our railroad and why? My universe is in danger! I've got to find more gold dust!

Mr. Conductor: [picks up a baseball bat; chuckles; catches a beach ball; to the beach ball; to the bat; makes the bat hit the ball; mock disappointment; throws bat on his bed and makes his hot cocoa; Diesel 10 appears and laughs evilly and Mr. Conductor sips cocoa; adds sugar to cocoa] So, who dropped the ball then? Oh, there you are. I'd like a nice cup of hot cocoa. Would you fellas care to join me? No? What would you rather do instead? Go outside and play? Well, I can understand that. What do you think? Why do you keep hitting him like that? You're gonna have to have a time out. Just a little sweeter, I think.

Diesel 10: Alright, Pinchy, my little bucket of badness, time to feast yourself.

Mr. Conductor: [sips cocoa again, and is satisfied; Diesel 10 tears off part of the sheds; removes his night cap and puts on his conductor's hat, as the steam engines wake up in alarm, and Diesel 10 tears off more of the sheds and laughs evilly] Ahh. Now that's better. Whoa! Ahh! Whoa!

Thomas: [alarmed] Cinders and ashes! It's Diesel!

Gordon: Diesel?! Oh, no!

Diesel 10: Hello, Twinkle Toes! I got a plan and you're not in it!

Mr. Conductor: [blows on his whistle twice, but only a little gold comes out of it] You can't catch me, Diesel!

Diesel 10: [laughs evilly] Losing your sparkle, huh? What perfect timing. Now where is that lost engine?

Mr. Conductor: You won't find her here.

Diesel 10: You're not clever enough to stop me.

Mr. Conductor: Oh, yes I am!

Diesel 10: [sees Mr. Conductor hold up a bag of sugar] No, you're not! Ah- What–?! Is that…?!

Mr. Conductor: That's right, it's sugar, Diesel! And if I throw this in your tank, it'll seize you up for good!

Diesel 10: [grunts and chuffs away; to his claw] Make the most of tonight, Twinkle Toes, because you won't like tomorrow! Neither will that… that line of tin kettles! Oh, shut up, Pinchy!

Thomas: [after the diesel leaves] Mr. Conductor, but what happened to your sparkle?

Mr. Conductor: I don't know, Thomas, I'll just have to sleep on that.

Thomas: [confused] On your sparkle?

Mr. Conductor: No, Thomas. On the problem of what happened to it.

Percy: Oh, but Mr. Conductor, without your sparkle or the Lost Engine, you can't travel here to help us anymore.

Mr. Conductor: I'll solve the problem. You just go to sleep now.

Percy: Easy for you to say.

Mr. Conductor: [picks up a phone after falling to the floor; stands up] Oh, good afternoon; sir! A real honor, sir. Like my family before me. And how is Lady Hatt? Yes. Watch out for Diesel, definitely. Keep an eye on Henry's health; sir. Yes, sir. The 3 Rs. Reading, writing and arithmetic. I mean…I will be responsible… reliable… and really useful. Yes, sir, we will all get a good night's sleep. Looking forward to a hard day tomorrow. Goodbye, sir.

Mr. Conductor: [to Mutt; Mutt rolls his face at him; Mutt whines, looks away; bends down; Mutt barks] Old Smokey, you stay right here til I get back! There you are. Is something wrong here? What kind of an answer is that? I'm going to be late. I'll get back as fast as I can. I have to concentrate now; Mutt. I'm suddenly having problems with my sparkle. Mutt? Goodbye, Mutt. Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle!

Mr. Conductor: [voice only; first shot shows Thomas, a tank engine chuffs his way out of a tunnel] Hello, I'm Mr. Conductor and I'm going to tell you a story about trains folks far apart and the Magic Railroad that brought them together. Every story like a railroad has its heroes. Meet Thomas. He's our number one hero.

Thomas: [whistle blows] Hello!

Mr. Conductor: [voice only; shot shows Henry pulling freight cars under a bridge] But he's running a little late today. This is the Island of Sodor where Thomas and his friends live. It's at one end of my special universe. I like helping out here. By the invitation of Sir Topham Hatt, of course.

Gordon: [waits at the station] Five, six, seven, eight…

Thomas: [pulls up beside Gordon] Who do we appreciate? Practicing your numbers, Gordon. That's a good engine.

Gordon: I'm counting how many seconds late you are. What does that sign say?

Thomas: [reads the sign; Gordon scoffs] Hmm… "Sodor Railway, really reliable and right on time. Signed, head of the railway, Sir Topham Hatt.

Gordon: But you weren't on time, little Thomas.

Thomas: [Gordon scoffs again] And you're being bossy, Gordon. Now, please excuse me. I'm meeting Mr. Conductor. He's looking after us while Sir Topham Hatt takes a much needed holiday.

Gordon: Oh, I think we can take care of ourselves.

Diesel 10: [rushes through the station] GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!! I have unfinished business here, and I wanna finish it FAST!

Gordon: [quivers in fright] D-Diesel 10's back!

Thomas: Yes, 10 out of 10 for devious deeds and brutal strength! The blast from the past who hates steam engines!

Gordon: Maybe we do need Mr. Conductor here after all. On time!

Brandt: [sarcastically] So what you're saying is there is no ledger, which means we have no proof that the Syndicate even exists. So we're back to square one, only now we're all wanted by the CIA. I'm so proud of us.

Prime Minister: Atlee? He couldn't possibly be talking about... that Syndicate. Cause you assured me that that Syndicate was merely an exercise.

Alan Hunley: Hunt is uniquely training and highly motivated. A specialist without equal, immune to any countermeasures. There is no secret he cannot extract, no security he cannot breach, no person he cannot become. He has, most likely, anticipated this very conversation and is waiting to strike in whatever direction we move. Sir, Hunt is the living manifestation of destiny, and he has made you... his mission.

Jake Adler: Is it really necessary for you to always say no before you say yes?

Jake Adler: And I like that you stopped getting bikini waxes. You've gone native. I dig it!

Jake Adler: And what's with the "big guy"? Is it because I'm fat?

Stan Indursky: Good things.

Charles Morse: You saved me.

Robert Green: Get over it, Charles - I just need you to navigate.

Charles Morse: You saved my life.

Robert Green: Well, I couldn't kill you with Stephen around. I'd have to kill him too, and he's the only one that knows how I like my coffee.

Charles Morse: Come on, you saved my life.

Robert Green: Buy me something nice when we get home.

Charles Morse: How'd you like your coffee?

Robert Green: Huh. I like my coffee like I like my women.

Stephen: Bitter and murky!

Robert Green: [Eating] Wish we had some salt.

Charles Morse: You know, you can, uh... you can season meat with gunpowder. Did you know that?

Robert Green: Wish we had some gunpowder.

Charles Morse: [after successfully fighting a bear] For all my life, I've have wanted to do something that was, um, that was unequivocal.

Robert Green: Well, Charlie, I certainly think this qualifies.

Charles Morse: Or something.

Robert Green: See, Charles, that's why they call it personal growth. A month ago, old Smokey here would've reared up, you probably would've called your lawyer!

Charles Morse: Nah, I wouldn't do that to an animal.

Charles Morse: You know, I once read an interesting book which said that, uh, most people lost in the wilds, they, they die of shame.

Stephen: What?

Charles Morse: Yeah, see, they die of shame. "What did I do wrong? How could I have gotten myself into this?" And so they sit there and they... die. Because they didn't do the one thing that would save their lives.

Robert Green: And what is that, Charles?

Charles Morse: Thinking.

Stephen: Robert why do you think they'll even come looking for us?

Robert Green: Our friend is a billionaire, you know what happens when you misplace one?

Charles Morse: [moments before the plane flies into a flock of wild birds] So what do you value me for, Bob?

Robert Green: I like your style, your wife's pretty cute too.

Charles Morse: So how are you planning to kill me?

Mick Dugan: I want to get things solidified. Things in my life! You're not the only one with plans, you know!

Tess McGill: I said, maybe.

Mick Dugan: Maybe means dick! Fuck maybe! I want an answer now!

Tess McGill: Please, don't yell at me! You treat me like I'm dumb!

Mick Dugan: Why are we always talkin about the way you get treated, huh? Who the fuck died and made you Grace Kelly?!

Tess McGill: I am not steak! You can't just order me!

Mick Dugan: Look, I don't need this! You get your priorities straight, maybe we'll talk. Right now, we're history.

Mick Dugan: Tess, will you marry me?

Tess McGill: Maybe.

Mick Dugan: Ya call that an answer?

Tess McGill: You want another answer, ask another girl.

Hal: So what do you think?

Jasmine: I love it! You shouldn't spoil me so.

Hal: Well why not? Who else am I going to spoil?

Dr. Kennebrew Beauregard: Hello, my fellow Americans. They say we may have lost the battle but we didn't lose the war. Yes, my friends, we are under attack. You may have read about this in your local newspapers or seen it on the evening news. That's right. We are living in an era marked by the spread of integration and miscegenation. The Brown decision. The Brown decision, forced upon us by the Jewish-controlled puppets on the U.S. Supreme Court, compelling white children to go to school with an inferior race, is the final nail in a coffin, is the final nail in a black coffin towards America becoming a mongrel nation. We had a great way of life. We had a great way of life. We had a great way of life. We had a great way of life until the Martin Luther Coons of this world and their army of Commies started their civil rights assault against our holy white Protestant values. Do you really want your precious white child going to school with Negroes? They're lying, dirty monkeys, stopping at nothing to gain their equality with white men. Rapists, murderers, craving the virgin white, is it "virgin pure"? Rapists, murderers, craving the virgin pure flesh of white women. They are super predators! And the Negro's insidious tactics, under the tutelage of high-ranking, blood-sucking Jews, using an army of outside northern black beast preda... agitators. God, watch this! God! Using an army of outside northern black beast agitators determined to overthrow the God-commanded and biblically inspired rule of the white race. It's an international Jewish conspiracy. May God bless us all.

Sergeant Trapp: [David Duke; [w:Archie Bunker|Archie Bunker] You know the way to sell hate? Affirmative action, immigration, crime, tax reform... He says, no one wants to be called a bigot anymore because ] made that too uncool. So, the idea is under all these issues... everyday Americans can accept it. Support it. Until eventually, one day he gets somebody in the White House that embodies it.

Peter Hoskins: Je hebt erg witte tanden.

Barbara: [about the whorehouse (Dante's Inferno) in the model] Adam, why did you build that?

Adam: I didn't.

Juno: [to the football players; to the Maitlands] Will you guys shut up and leave me alone? I've got all this paperwork to do. You two, come in. Sit down. Get in here, both of ya! The whorehouse was my idea. I want Beetlejuice out of the picture! You two have really screwed up! I received word that you allowed yourselves to be photographed, and you let Betelgeuse out and didn't put him back, and you let Otho get hold of the handbook!

Adam: When?

Juno: [rolls her eyes] Never trust the living! We cannot have a routine haunting like yours provide proof that there is existence beyond death.

Dumb Football Player: Coach? Coach, where's the men's room?

Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived.

Very Dumb Football Player: Wait, Coach. Let me get somethin’ straight. What's our curfew around here?

Juno: [to Adam and Barbara] Will you get outta here?! Go on, get downstairs! "Men's room" - are ya kidding? Can't you read signs? I’ll be right back.

Dumb Football Player: Coach?

Juno: What?

Dumb Football Player: I don't think we survived that crash.

Juno: How did ya guess?

Adam: For instance, uh, what are your qualifications?

Beetlejuice: [refined voice; [w:Black Death|Black Plague; getting progressively more demented; [w:The Exorcist (film)|The Exorcist; screams; quietly] Ah, well...I attended Juilliard...I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the ] and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen ] about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTIN FUNNIER EVERY... SINGLE...TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKIN’ TO A DEAD GUY! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! You think I'm qualified?

Adam: Uh, what I meant is, can you be scary?

Beetlejuice: [shows a hideous face to the Maitlands that only shows tentacles from the sides to audience; both Adam and Barbara scream; back to normal] Oh! I didn't know what you were askin me. Can I be scary? What do ya think of this? You like it?

Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?

Adam: [under the bedsheets] We're ghosts!

Lydia: What do you look like under there?

Adam: Aren't you scared?

Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?

Adam: Night of the what?

Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.

Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared outta my wits.

Lydia: Of course I can see you.

Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?

Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: Live people ignore the strange and unusual'. I, myself, am strange and unusual.

Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.

Adam: You've read our book?

Lydia: Yeah.

Adam: You can follow it?

Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom?

Adam: We were trying to scare your mother.

Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.

Adam: Barbara, I don't think we survived that crash.

Blake: [to Williamson] Let me have your attention for a moment. Cause you're talking about what? You're talking about bitching about that sale you shot, some son of a bitch don't wanna buy land, somebody don't want what you're selling, some broad you're trying to screw, so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?

John Williamson: All but one.

Blake: [to Levene] Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important. Put that coffee down! Coffee's for closers only. You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from Mitch and Murray, and I'm here on a mission of mercy! Your name's Levene?

Shelley Levene: Yeah.

Blake: You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch?

Dave Moss: I don't gotta listen to this shit.

Blake: [[W:Cadillac Eldorado|Cadillac Eldorado] You certainly don't, pal, cause the good news is you're fired. The bad news is you've got — all of you've got — just one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good, cause we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a ]. Anybody wanna see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Do you get the picture? Are you laughing now? You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them! You can't close the leads you're given? You can't close shit? You are shit! Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it cause you are going out!

Shelley: The leads are weak!

Blake: The leads are weak? Fucking leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business 15 years.

Dave: What's your name?

Blake: [[W:Hyundai|Hyundai; [BMW; to Levene; to everyone again; Flips over a blackboard with slogans written on it] Fuck you! That's my name! You know why, mister? Cause you drove a ] to get here tonight. I drove an $80,000 ]. That's my name! And your name is: you're wanting and you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them? Then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted! You hear me, you fucking faggots? A–B–C. A: Always, B: Be, C: Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing! A–I–D–A. Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Attention: do I have your attention? Interest: are you interested? I know you are, cause it's fuck or walk. You close, or you hit the bricks! Decision: have you made your decision for Christ? And action. A–I–D–A. Get out there! You got the prospects coming in; you think they came in to get outta the rain? A guy don't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Don't you want to take it? Are you man enough to take it?

Dave: Incredible.

Blake: [to Moss] What's the problem, pal? You, Moss.

Dave: You're such a hero. You’re so rich. How come you’re coming down here and waste your time with such a bunch of bums?

Blake: [takes off his gold watch] You see this watch? You see this watch?

Dave: Yeah.

Blake: [to everyone; to Aaronow; poses with a pair of metal balls on a wire; to Moss as he puts on his watch again] That watch cost more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see, pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here? Close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, make myself $15,000, tonight, in two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise! A–I–D–A! Get mad, you son of a bitches! Get mad! You know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate. Go and do likewise, gents. The money's out there. You pick it up, it's yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those sits tonight and close — close! — it's yours. Not, you're gonna be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying — bunch of losers, sitting around in a bar? "Oh yeah, I used to be a salesman. It's a tough racket." These are the new leads. These are the Glengarry leads, and to you, they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. They're for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. And to answer your question, pal, why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to. They asked for a favor. I said, the real favor? Follow my advice and fire your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.

Dr. Jed Hill: Bad things happen to good people all the time, Andy, for no reason whatsoever.

Dr. Jed Hill: [[God complex] The question is, Do I have a God Complex'?...which makes me wonder if this lawyer has any idea as to the kind of grades one has to receive in college to be accepted at a top medical school. Or if you have the vaguest clue as to how talented someone has to be to lead a surgical team. I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle. But if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn't like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a ]? Let me tell you something: I am God.

Dr. Jed Hill: I'm the new guy around here and I want to make friends, so I'll say this to you and we'll start fresh. If you don't like my jokes, don't laugh. If you have a medical opinion, then please speak up and speak up loud. But if you ever again tell me or my surgical staff that we're going to lose a patient, I'm gonna take out your lungs with a fuckin ice cream scoop. Do you understand me?

Ellerby: Yeah, but cui bono? Who benefits?

Colin Sullivan: Cui gives a shit? It's got a fuckin bow on it.

Ellerby: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to the the undercover department, his undercover work is extensive. He's here to give us his report. Sergeant Dignam.

Dignam: OK. My people are out there. They're like fuckin Indians. You're not gonna see em you're not gonna hear about em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin leaks than the Iraqi Navy.

Ellerby: Fuck yourself.

Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin your wife.

Ellerby: How's your mother?

Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin my father. Good. Today, girls, what I have for you is microprocessors. Somebody as you may already know stole 20 microprocessors from the Mass Processor Company out on Route 128. These are the kind of processors they put into computers that can put a cruise missile up the ass of a camel from a couple hundred miles away. Now get this, we get a guy working for the company two months; walks right out the front door with a box of processors on Tuesday, has a ticket booked for Florida on Wednesday, but on Thursday, he gets found in a dumpster. You know where that dirtball started his life? Southie projects.

Colin Sullivan: What was his name? The departed?

Dignam: Miles Kenefick. Got a job to forge U-Mass transcript. U-Mass Boston, which just happens to be-

Frank Lazio: [interrupting] South Boston?

Dignam: Well, you're a fuckin genius, huh! Who forged your transcript, dickhead?

Colin Sullivan: Hey this guy, his old man runs the Hibernian Liquor Mart. Kenefick's.

Ellerby: We're not here to solve the case of the missing scumbag, we're here to nail Costello.

Dignam: Alright look. We got a guy who says he hears Costello's moving the processors to China. We set up a whole fuckin job in Pop Kenefick. You do not want to miss it if Costello takes a dump.

Ellerby: [Dignam scoffs] We'd miss a lot less if you made your informants available to us at the cost of the Bureau.

Frank Lazio: We're not asking for too many details. Do you have anyone in with Costello presently?

Dignam: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. My theory on Feds is they're like mushrooms. Feed em shit and keep em in the dark. You girls have a good day.

Ellerby: Normally he's a very, uh, nice guy.