Amy SmartQuotes

Jane Weston: Put that away! It's time to study.

Timothy Dunphy: No, really, I study better when I'm stoned. It's like my brain becomes more focused or something.

Jane Weston: Yeah, right. You haven't gotten higher than a D since you've been here.

Timothy Dunphy: That's cause there's no good weed around here!

Mrs. Lewis: [from the dinner table] Deacon? Who is it?

Naomi: [walks in to the dinner table] Hi, Mrs. Lewis, I'm Naomi.

Deacon: Christ...this is Naomi and she's my...my good...

Naomi: ...Girlfriend.

Mrs. Lewis: His...his girlfriend?

Max (K): Deacon has TWO girlfriends?!

Deacon: [whispering] I'm gonna break your arm around, Max.

Naomi: [to Max] What do you mean?

Max (K): [points at her] Deacon's OTHER girlfriend is having dinner with us.

Deacon: Oh, God. I can explain.

Mr. Lewis: [Casually] Naomi, this is Deacon's other girlfriend, Ashley.

Ashley: Hi.

Naomi: Oh my God. How old are you, you slut?

Ashley: Eighteen.

Naomi: [looking at Deacon; leaves Deacon's house] I thought you were a nice guy.

Chris: [pause] Look Jamie. I said a lot of crappy things the other night and I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I'm scared to be your friend, because I'm always going to want more. But then I got to thinking that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all. You know that's a lie too.

Jamie Palamino: Why are you back here?

Chris: Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.

Chris: [leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back] Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah!

Eve: Jesus! Fuck! Are they really...

Chev Chelio: They're dead.

Eve: How do you... How can you do that?

Chev Chelio: I told you, baby. I quit.

Eve: [''He parks the car''; ''He gets out''] Where are you going?!

Chev Chelio: [''He walks into a hardware store and Eve finds him hammering nails into his leg''] Stay there, honey. Jesus! Fuck!

Eve: Chev!

Chev Chelio: Asshole! I can't feel my leg. Shit!

Chev Chelio: I've been trying to call you for a half hour. Where the fuck have you been?

Doc Miles: In my office. Can you make it over here?

Chev Chelio: Sure why not?

Doc Miles: Chocolate what's this fucking receipt from Gold Foods Market for $254?

Chocolate: Snacks.

Eve: I hate television.

Chev Chelio: I owe you again, Doc.

Doc Miles: Chevy you're my best customer.

Chev Chelio: What is this stuff?

Doc Miles: Synthetic epinephrine... diluted with some saline.

Chev Chelio: Feels sort of good.

Doc Miles: Well, I got a little meth in there too. You're feeling the endorphins.

Chev Chelio: Wait a minute. I'm not better?

Doc Miles: No you're not better. You're in such shit shape it's stunning. I can't believe your heart's beating. You should be in a fucking medical journal.

Chev Chelio: So, what are you going to do?

Doc Miles: The solution acts as a competing inhibitor. It's pushing the poison out of your receptors and replacing it with a chemical. It's just a temporary fix.

Chev Chelio: Then what?

Doc Miles: Then you're fucked. I can put you on life support and string this out for a few days. But you're going to go into a comma at some point. Does she know?

Doc Miles: Why don't I load you up with something, and you can go out in a beautiful dream.

Chev Chelio: A dream.

Doc Miles: Can I do that for you?

Chev Chelio: No, no, no. That's not what I want.

Doc Miles: What do you want?

Chev Chelio: One hour. I want one hour.

Doc Miles: Give me a fuckin break.

News reporter: So, the wild rampage that began 9am in L.A. Continues. The suspect, still at large.

Associate: We didn't give him enough Chinese shit.

Ricky: [''Answers phone''] You think?! Dude, it's him! What's up, corpse?

Chev: Bonjour, douche bag, Thought you might be interested in a deal.

Ricky: Oh, you a dealer, now?

Chev: Don't you worry about what I am. Listen, I want the antidote.

Ricky: Oh, the antidote?!

Chev: That's right, the antidote.

Ricky: What you prepared to give me?

Chev: How about that jewelry I got off that faggot brother of yours, you cocksucker? Don't pop a blood vessel, you little penis.

Ricky: Okay.

Chev: You like the deal?

Ricky: Whatever!

Chev: Be at the downtown Lint in 20 minutes. You know the spot?

Ricky: Yeah.

Chev: Don't be late, or I'll trade the thing to a whore for a hand job. Look, I said I said I'd fuckin be...

Ricky: Fuck!

Chev: See you later, sunshine. Dammit! Fuck!

Ricky: Yo, it's Verona. You won't believe this call I just got.

Chev: It's gonna be all right, baby.

Eve: But you said...

Chev: No, no. Things have changed. There's an antidote. I can make a deal for it, but I got to go alone.

Eve: I'm scared.

Chev: Of course. You'll be safe, now. And I'll be back.

Eve: Promise?

Chev: I promise.

Ricky: What's happening, bro?!

Asian man: [''In woman's voice''] Where did I go wrong?!

Chev: You fuckin just say something?

Asian man: It's like talking to the wall.

Chev: Mom?

Asian man: I'm amazed you remember you have a mother.

Chev: Please, I haven't got time for this.

Asian man: You're never around. I've never seen you in the house in sixteen years.

Chev: [[w:valium|valium; [w:tic tacs|tic tacs] Yeah, yeah, yeah, right mom, with you popping ] like ]. I really wouldn't wish at all someone would so this. Why would I stick around for entertainment like this?

Asian man: [''In Ạsian language''] That's hurtful.

Chev: Please, I've no time for this.

Asian man: [''In Orlando's voice''] You got no time, period. You're a persistent motherfucker, Chelios. I give you that.

Chev: Orlando?

Chev: This is weird.

Asian man: [''In Ạsian language''; [w:Michael Myers|Michael Myers; ''In Ricky's voice''] Yeah, I know this is weird, but you know, this has gotta stop sometime. Who do you think you are? ] They pop you and you keep getting up?

Chev: I'm the terminator.

Asian man: You was, but here's a new gun in town.

Chev: You know, I just don't get it. Why didn't you cut me up when you had the chance?

Asian man: [[w:Bipolar disorder|Bi-polar; [w:Sadomasochism|sadomasochistic tendencies; [w:Adrenaline#Adrenaline junkie|Adrenaline junkie] Too easy, motherfucker. Look at you. ], ]... ]...

Alter Chev ego: ...addicted to violence... probably spends every day looking for the big thrill, the big rush, Carving up a guy while he screams in his own blood and excrement, would be like... like a gift. A warriors death.

Asian man: [''Chev's voice''] Hell, you'd probably get off on it.

Chev: Why do you ask this?

Alter Chev ego: Maybe it's best for a guy like you. Going downhill. Winding down. Inevitable. Under so many circumstances.

Chev: Who are you anyway?

Asian man: [''In Asian language''] Don't you know?

Chev: I think I'm starting to figure it out.

Asian man: [''In Chev's voice''] Better late than never. You know you're gonna die up there.

Chev: [''Alter ego Chev becomes radiant with [[w:Ultraviolet|UV light] Yeah, maybe. But I'm taking you with me. ] and then disappears with the Asian man becoming default] Some pills, Doc.

Asian man: [''[[w:Languages of Asia|In Asian language] Did you fucking say something?

Henchman: Chelios?

Chev: [''Ċhev ạpproạçhes''] Hello, girls.

Henchman: [''Çoṇḟịsçạtes Ċhev's ḟịreạrm''] Hold up. Give me the piece.

Chev: Now, isn't that a fucking picture?

Carlito: Chelios. What a fucking nightmare you are.

Chev: No shit.

Carlito: Sit down.

Ricky: [''Ḥeṇçhmạṇ pulls out ạ tube çoṇṇeçted boẋ''] Whoa! Wait a minute. You pat him down, again. I know he's carrying something.

Carlito: Let me see that.

Chev: Motherfucker.

Carlito: [[w:Insulin pump|an insulin pump] Clever. What is this, ]?

Chev: Basically.

Ricky: [[w:Insulin|Insulin; ''Carlito holds up finger for silence''] What the fuck is ]?

Carlito: Ephedrine, right?

Chev: Yeah.

Carlito: You're very resourceful.

Chev: Found a new master, little bitch?

Ricky: I'm nobody's bitch.

Chev: You'll be a bitch when Carlito hires you for half what he paid me.

Carlito: That's enough.

Chev: You'll throw boss a reach-around, show him you're a good bitch.

Ricky: [''Points gun at Chev''] I'm nobody's little bitch! You fuckin hear me? He'll pay me what I tell him to pay!

Carlito: That's enough! Sit down! It's been a long fucking day. In the end, you have to admit, it all works out quite nicely. Don Kim gets his bullet, thanks to you, and Hong Kong gets a goat to take the fall. Please understand, it's nothing personal.

Ricky: [''Mimics a kiss''] Speak for yourself.

Chev: That what I think it is?

Carlito: It's the Chinese shit. Hold him down.

Chev: [''Makes a gun gesture''] Not so fast, motherfucker!

Ricky: [''Chev points at him''] He's gone dipsy-do, yo! Whatever, psycho!

Carlito: [[w:Ḣạrry Ḥoudịṇị|the Houdini act; ''Points at a henchman who falls down from a headshot''] I'm afraid ] is over, my friend.

Ricky: Our Father, who art in...

Carlito: Shut up!

Don Kim: [''Camera pan-out reveals Don Kim and his hitmen team''] So, this is how it is!

Ricky: It's Don Kim! He's supposed to be dead!

Chev: [''Gun fight between henchmens of Carlito and Don Kim ensues''] Presto.

News reporter: Police have moved to surround the Hotel Lint, where the madman behind today's mayhem... is holed up and making a desperate last stand. Officials have confirmed gunfire on the sundeck. Our news chopper will bring live, uncensored coverage from above the hotel. Again, this coverage is uncensored, so any small children present should leave the room.

Ricky: Get me out of here! I'll kill you, Chelios!

Chev: Too late!

Carlito: [''A Don Kim thug has thrown a grenade''; ''Grabs a henchman to cover the grenade''] Look out!

Henchman: Thanks, boss.

Ricky: Let's get the fuck out of here, now! Let's go!

Chev: [''Points gun''] Present from Kaylo.

Ricky: Now what?

Chev: Now you say shit!

Carlito: Where the fuck were you?!

Ricky: [''Plunges syringe into Chev's neck''; ''Shoots Carlito and climbs into helicopter''] Who's the bitch, now?! No, no! You fly, motherfucker! Motherfuckin fly!

Chev: You're dead!

Ricky: [''Chev and Ricky are fighting in the airborne helicopter and they fall out in free fall still fighting''] Oh my God! You're dead! You're dead, motherfucker!

Chev: [''Chev then snaps Ricky's neck who drifts away lifeless and Chev then makes a phone call''] Thought I'd told you I'd kill you, you little bitch!

Chev: [''Chev lands on a vehicle, bounces onto the road and a heartbeat is heard''] Hey, its Eve. I'm glad you called but I'm not here. Leave a message, unless you're selling something cause I'm not interested. If you're not, then just... Wait, time's up. Hey, doll... Looks like I let you down, again. Seems like all my life I've just been going... going... going... I wish I'd taken more time to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Well, I guess it's too late for that now. You're the greatest, baby.

Carlito henchman: [''Ends a call on Don Kim's shirt factory rooftop''; ''Chev comes up behind the Carlito henchman lightly pushing him and pointing a gun at his forehead''] Fucking call me talking shit! I'm doing my job. I'm doing my shit. I'm up here chillin', doing what I do. I'm a rooftop mother- hey, Chevy! What's up, dog? You chillin'? You good? What a coincidence!

Chev Chelio: What do you mean?

Carlito henchman: What, you waiting for a bus?

Chev Chelio: Actually, I thought a helicopter... what is this?

Carlito henchman: What?

Chev Chelio: You working for the Chinese?

Carlito henchman: The Chinese?! You crazy? I wouldn't do that to you.

Chev Chelio: [''Raises up both hands''] I am crazy. Where's Kaylo? Okay, ding. Time's up.

Carlito henchman: [''Chev lunges at the henchman''; ''Chev grabs the henchman''; ''Chev throws the henchman off the roof''] What do you mean, "ding"?! What do you mean, "ding"?!

Chev Chelio: [''Chev then goes some floors below and appears before three Carlito henchmen''] Where is that motherfucker?!

Carlito henchman: Chev.

Chev Chelio: [''Noticing the murdered body of Kaylo''] What the fuck is this?!

Carlito henchman: Chev, baby. Take it easy.

Chev Chelio: [''Points gun at henchman who just blinks eyes and turns head slightly''] Oh, you mean like this? Now you tell me where that little toe-rag motherfucker is; Verona.

Carlito henchman: Verona's got nothing to do with this!

Chev Chelio: What?!

Carlito henchman: Don Carlos wants you off the streets.

Chev Chelio: Carlito?!

Carlito henchman: You've totally lost your shit, dog! Your all over tv, destroying property, making unauthorized hits?! You are bringing the organization a great deal of embarrassment!

Chev Chelio: Organization?! You mean Carlito ordered all of this?!

Carlito henchman: Look, don't worry about Verona, we'll take care of him, the best thing for you to do is just find some nice dark quiet place... and just die. I mean, we all gotta die some time right?

Chev Chelio: [''Chelios points to forehead and a CGI text of CUNT appears on Chelios forehead''; ''Suddenly Eve comes up in elevator''] Die. Just die. What, you think I've got cunt written all over my face? So, I'll just die.

Carlito henchman: [''Chev opens fire on henchman starting a gun fight and Chev gets shot trying to escape in elevator''] What the... What the...

Eve: You got shot!

Chev: Mother... Jesus!

Chev Chelio: Eve, move!

Carlito henchman: You, asshole!

Eve: Don't talk to him like that! My boyfriend kills people!

Chev Chelio: Nice.

Eve: Oh, God! I had to see if you were telling the truth.

Eve: Be careful. All right. I'm gonna get some help, all right? Yeah. Hey, did you try to call?

Chev: You've been home all day?

Eve: I was sleeping in.

Chev: Sleeping in. That's great, Eve. Super great. You all rested, now? Glad to hear it. Listen, I've been fatally poisoned. A psychopath's on his way over to torture and kill you, but don't get out of bed, I'll be over in a flash. Could you fry up a waffle?

Eve: Sure, yeah. Come on over. I'll be here.

Chev: Right, you'll be there. Okay.

Eve: Bye.

Thug 1: So, let's go get the bitch!

Thug 2: Come on, please!

Thug 3: All right, all right. Jesus!

Eve: Oh my God! Is this your new look or something?

Chev: Yeah, you into it?

Eve: It's gross. Are you looking for my other boyfriend?

Chev: Yes! You haven't watched TV today, right?

Eve: No, why?

Chev: Didn't think so. Come on, we're leaving.

Eve: Don't be such a freak.

Chev: Get dressed.

Eve: Actually, can you change the clock on the microwave? I never changed it back.

Chev: What?

Eve: The microwave. Can you change the clock? The daylight savings time, I never changed it back.

Chev: The microwave?

Eve: Yes.

Chev: Listen. I bought some flowers. They got fucked up on the way over.

Eve: That's sweet! You okay? You look like you're on drugs or something.

Chev: You love me, yeah?

Eve: Yes.

Chev: Then I need you to do something for me.

Eve: What? What's wrong?

Chev: I need you to put some clothes on and come with me, right now.

Eve: No.

Chev: I'll change the clock on the microwave.

Eve: Okay. All right.

Chev: Shit's wearing off.

Eve: The waffle iron's on if you want to make one.

Chev: Great.

Eve: [[w:Cannabis (drug)|some pot] Great. You're so stressed out. Want ], or something?

Chev: [''Chev deliberately burns himself on the waffle iron''] Yeah! Ready!

Eve: What's wrong?!

Chev: I burned my hand.

Eve: Oh, my God! Let me see it!

Chev: Don't worry about it. Hey!

Eve: What the...

Chev: I'm sorry. That was completely uncalled for. Can we just...

Eve: Fine. Parked out the back. Darn! That... thing.

Chev: What thing?

Eve: The waffle thing, I gotta turn it off. Hello? Hello?

Chev: All right, very funny.

Eve: God, I hate that. Do you want to burn the building down? Ouch!

Chev: Sorry, honey.

Eve: [''Chev has noticed the ṇeạrby thugs and deliberately spills the purse contents of Eve's purse to ḟịght them''; [w:Tiger Balm|Tiger Balm] Nice one, Chev. Oh, there's my ]. I swear to God, Chev. I don't know what you're on, but it isn't working for you. My hand cream! That's where you went. Chev? Can I have some help, here? Where's your car?

Chev: Actually, I took a cab.

Eve: This isn't gonna be... This isn't gonna be easy, as they say.

Chev: Oh, fucker.

Eve: All right, here it is.

Chev: [[w:video game programmer|I was a video game programmer] Sorry. I told you ].

Eve: Yeah?

Chev: That was a lie. Actually... I kill people. Professional hitman. I freelance for a major West Coast crime syndicate. Last night was a job like 100 others. High dollar hit, nothing special. The Triads from Hong Kong had been moving in on the local drug cartels. My target was the number one man in L.A., Don Kim.

Don Kim: Well? What are you waiting for?

Chev: [[w:11 mm caliber|like a .45 slug] Then, this insane idea comes in the back of my head, ] at close range.

Chev: [''Chev relents in killing Don Kim''] Congratulations.

Don Kim: Did I win something?

Chev: Your life, jackass.

Chev: So, sooner or later it's gonna happen, but I'm not doing it.

Eve: I see.

Chev: Instead you're gonna do something for me. You're gonna get out of town, disappear. I don't care where you go or what you do, so long as you're invisible for 48 hours. That's all I ask. Or, if you prefer, we can do it the other way. The way where I go to work, and you meet Buddha. See... I quit. I quit the business for you.

Eve: For me?

Chev: Yeah. I figure I call you that night and tell you everything. We get on a plane, leave this shit, never come back. Pretty crazy, huh?

Eve: You are so weird.

Eve: Are we going on a trip?

Chev: Well... I might be going on a trip, but you're not coming with me...

Chev: Please! Wait, please!

Eve: Mob hits, Chev?! Chinese poison?! Do you know how ridiculous you sound?! If you're gonna break up with me, at least you can tell me the truth! What's wrong with you?!

Chev: Wait a minute, you trust me?!

Eve: No.

Chev: [''Chev begins to succumb to the ''“Beijing cocktail”'', then grabs Eve''; [w:Sexual intercourse|Make love to me] ].

Eve: What?!

Chev: I think it'll help.

Eve: What? Are you kidding? Get off me!

Chev: Take your clothes off.

Eve: No! No!

Chev: You said you wanted to be more spontaneous!

Eve: You're crazy! You're an adrenaline junkie with no soul!

Chev: Save me, Eve. Save my life!

Eve: [''Punches him''; ''Ċhev grạbs her ạgạịṇ''] Stop it! I'm sorry. Oh my God, are you okay? Are you okay? No! No!

Chev: Shit!

Eve: [''Chev gets on top of her''] Get off! You filthy animal! Take me right here, in front of everyone! That's it! Come on! Do it! What are you waiting for?!

Chev: Jesus! Come on! I'm trying! Shush!

Eve: Oh, God! Now you can't get it up? Come on, get it up!

Chev: I'll fucking get it up!

Eve: Goddammit, Chev!

Chev: [''Starts vigorously [[w:Doggy style|doggy-styling; ''All the passerbys all cheer in synchronity of Chev and he answers phone''] Shut up! ] Eve and pumps with fists] I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive, you motherfuckers! Oh, my God! Wow! Oh, my God! Yes! Yeah?

Eve: What are you doing?!

Chev: Yeah.

Kaylo: I've got Verona!

Chev: Kaylo?!

Kaylo: I've got Verona, man.

Chev: What? No shit? Where are you?

Kaylo: Don Kim's shirt factory, upstairs.

Eve: What's the matter with you?!

Chev: [[w:Alameda Street|Alameda] 5th and ]?

Eve: Who's at 5th and Alameda?!

Chev: Don't let that fucker out of your sight! Hear me? With you in 10 minutes. You got it?!

Kaylo: Yeah, Chev.

Chev: [''Hangs up phone''; ''Leaves''] Honey, I gotta go. I'll call you!

Eve: [''To bystanders''] Oh God, what are you looking at?!

Evan: I just thought that you should know.

Kayleigh Miller: Know what?

Evan: That you were happy once... with me.

Kayleigh Miller: You know there's one major hole in your story, there is no fucking way on this planet, nor any other I would ever be in some fucking sorority.

Evan: [Whispering] You were happy there...

Kayleigh Miller: Where'd you learn those new tricks?

Evan: What? It... it wasn't... weird... was it?

Kayleigh Miller: Yeah, if you call multiple orgasms weird!

Kayleigh Miller: Nothing ever gets better.