Memorable Quotes from Aubrey Plaza
8 quotesExplicit Intentions in Dirty Grandpa
Lenore
For what it's worth, I still really wanna fuck you.
Dick Kelly
Oh, we're gonna fuck.
Lenore
Yeah, we are.
Dick Kelly
We're gonna thunderfuck.
Lenore
You're gonna tsunami on my face.
Dick Kelly
You're gonna flood like the Nile.
Lenore
Yeah, I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over.
Dick Kelly
The villagers will finally eat.
Lenore
You're gonna die while you're eating me out. I want your last breath to be in my pussy.
Cody
Lenore, you're such a slut!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflicted Decisions in a Business Partnership
Mike
Why aren't you on my side, Dave?
Dave
What? I'm done with this shit, man. I'm not doing our stupid speech. In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. There it is!
Mike
Really?
Dave
Yeah.
Mike
And what are you gonna do?
Dave
I'm gonna draw!! I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent! BOOM!
Mike
You traitor!
[stands up]
Cousin Terry
I ain't gotta rehearse! I know how to eat dinner! Keith, can you turn me up a little bit?
[out on stage; the wedding party laughs uproariously; Keith accidentally presses a wrong button to Mike's and Dave's microphones on the speaker system]
Mike
You turn your back on me when everyone else does. Backstabbing, treacherous lying coward!
Cousin Terry
Ooh, I don't think they know they're on.
Burt
What? Where is that coming from?
Keith
I don't know what I did!
Dave
It doesn't matter, Mike. You're losing your mind! You just tried to poison our cousin Terry!
[the adults gasp]
Cousin Terry
Try a little harder. Am I right?
Mike
You're goddamn right I did! Because I wanted her to shit hot brown poop all over that stage.
Burt
That is unacceptable. Oh, th-the mics are on, boys.
Mike
I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe.
Burt
The mics are on!
Dave
You're just fucking pissed off because Tatiana finger-diddled Terry!
Cousin Terry
There it is!
Tatiana
It was for tickets to Rihanna!
Dave
You're sad, man. You are sad.
Mike
I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids! You wanna go?!
[Mike charges Dave and Dave punches Mike to the floor]
Dave
Don't do it!
Mike
These are coming your way!
Dave
Just stop!
[punches Mike a second time]
Rosie
God, that had to hurt!
Dave
Don't do it again!
[the pattern continues with Mike rushing at Dave and Dave punching Mike]
Mike
Why do you keep punching me?!
Dave
Why do you keep rushing at me?!
Becky
Ooh. Get him, Dave. Oops, who said that?
Mike
This wedding is going to Hell!
[enraged]
Burt
Yes.
Mike
They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots, and they don't realize the bride is getting off at massage parlors like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran!
[Becky breaks her glass due to her excessive pressure]
Eric
I think they misunderstood what happened. I think they just misunderstood.
Mike
I walked in and saw little Jeanie, the bride-to-be, orgasming. The masseuse got her off!
Eric
GODDAMN IT!! Jeanie!
[rushes off]
Mike
I HATE YOU!!!
[shoves Dave straight into the middle of the stage where Cousin Terry is giving her speech prior, only to be discovered by Burt]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Golfing Rivalry Takes an Unexpected Turn
Dick Kelly
We have a long-standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously, I've got the bigger three-wood.
Lenore
Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.
Jason Kelly
Holy shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observation of Physical Appearance
Lenore
He looks like ].
[[w:Abercrombie & Fitch|Abercrombie fucked Fitch]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Invitations and Couch Humor
Lenore
I like your pull-out couch.
Dick Kelly
Yeah? Well, I got news for you. That's the only thing that's going to be pulling out tonight.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections Between Generations
Lenore
You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, and I'm just a girl from Long Island City who likes to fuck old people.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding at the Beach
Lenore
Hi, Professor.
Dick Kelly
Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach.
Lenore
Thank you.
Dick Kelly
I was actually talking to him.
Bradley
Yup, immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel.
Dick Kelly
Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Nostalgia and Vulnerability
Dick Kelly
Look... I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this. I haven't done it for a long time.
Lenore
I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check. Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up.
Dick Kelly
I've fallen and I can't get up.
Lenore
Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower.
Dick Kelly
Things were better under Eisenhower.
Lenore
We like Ike!
Dick Kelly
We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike!
[yells]
Lenore
Are you cumming or dying?
Dick Kelly
I'm not sure, maybe both!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.