Ben AffleckQuotes

Jack Cunningham: Come late to the game, you don't play. We'll talk about it at practice tomorrow.

Marcus: What are you talking about? I'm four minutes late.

Jack Cunningham: You know what? Forget about tomorrow. Go home, you're off the team.

Marcus: Coach Dan, what the hell is his problem? I'm barely fucking late.

Coach Dan: You heard Coach, Marcus. Go home.

Marcus: [tosses his duffel bag at the locker] Are you serious right now?! I'm barely fucking late! Y'all are so stupid, man! This dumbass team!

Jack Cunningham: She has other things maybe she ought to be worrying about instead of worrying about how much I drink. I mean, she needs to worry about staying out of her fucking refrigerator.

Beth: Nice.

Jack Cunningham: She's losing a huge war against the refrigerator.

Beth: What are you talking about? Jack...

Jack Cunningham: She needs to find the fucking treadmill.

Beth: Stop it. That is so mean. She's my friend.

Jack Cunningham: Well, she should mind her business.

Beth: Okay.

Jack Cunningham: [angrily shoves a beer can off the counter] That's why I don't come here, cause it always turns to... Which one of the 20 bedrooms am I supposed to be staying in?

Beth: Take the second one on the left.

Jack Cunningham: A lot of times hurting myself trying to hurt my father.

Jack Cunningham: You want to know why they're leaving you open? It's because they don't think you can hit the ocean from the beach.

Bartender: Those clothes and my clothes would look good on my floor.

Bartender: And I'm not gay, okay? I get that all the time. No, I'm not gay.

Bartender: So, how do you like your eggs done in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?

Jack Dupree: Rip hand to god you've got nothing to worry about. Yeah, I've assembled a team. We're gonna go in and get this guy Israel and everyone is gonna leave the theater grinning.

Jack Dupree: How about the Tremor brothers? Three of them. Same skank mom, different deadbeat dads. They're used for that suicide style, kamikhaze shit. You heard about that dinner club in Cleveland, right? Well the Tremor brothers go rip shit riot on the whole fucking place. Seven dead, twenty-eight wounded. All to get this one fucking guy. Of course in the melee one of them gets shot in the neck passes out, the other gets blowback from a jammed piece is temporarily blinded, the last takes a bullet in the back, can't walk. These are speed freak, neo nazi assholes who read and recite Mein Kampf like it was mother goose, they're meaner than shit, they're dumber than hell. And these motherfuckers will go megaton at the drop of a hat.

Jack Dupree: For some fucking reason the wise guys love him. They think he's a mystic you know, something special.

Jack Dupree: So there it is. The bond on Buddy Israel expires in eighteen hours, after that it's jump ball.

Shannon: Yeah, who's your favorite new kid? Yeah, call me Joey. Oh, come on. Don't make me get loose. Yeah, that's right. Call me Donnie. Oh, girl. Please don't go.

Jay: God damn, this is one wacky game show.

Brodie: [to the cops] Hey! That girl's only 15!

Shannon: [as he is being arrested] Ah, 15? I thought she was 36! Come on, guys. Tell me you wouldn't have popped her.

Shannon: That's it. You're dead, mallrat. I'm gonna fuck you up beyond repair!

Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.

Gill: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

Shannon: Smart-ass ex-boyfriend! I've got two things to tell you. One: I don't like you. I see you every week in this mall. I don't like you shiftless layabouts. You're one of those loser fucking mallrat kids. You don't come down here to do work or shop. You hang out all day. You act like you fucking live here. Well, I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.

Brodie: Is this what's known as motivated salesmanship?

Shannon: Rene told me to leave you alone, but she's fucking clueless. You see, Bruce, I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They're more vulnerable and in much more need of solace and they're fairly open to suggestion. And, I use that to fuck them some place very uncomfortable.

Brodie: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

Shannon: No. Like someplace girls dread.

Shannon: What? You wanna say something?

Brodie: Yeah. About a million things, but I can't express myself mono-syllabically enough for you to understand them all.

Holden McNeil: I love you…I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But—I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't—I can't look into your eyes without feeling that—that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.And I know, this will probably queer our friendship—no pun intended—but I had to say it, cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But, God, I just—I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something, too. And all I ask, please, is that you just—you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which—while I do appreciate it—I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Holden McNeil: [train; [w:Charles M. Schulz|Charles Schulz] Look, man, we miss this , and I am gonna shitcan you and just hire ].

Holden McNeil: If this is a crush, I don't think I could take it if the real thing ever happened.

Holden McNeil: It's not who you love, it's how.

Jack Ryan: [negotiating with President Nemerov through a hotline] Sir, I know you. I know you had nothing to do with the Baltimore bomb, and you sure as hell know you didn't! But you're still about to launch a nuclear strike against us! This no longer has anything to do with Baltimore! Now it's about fear! Our fear of your missiles, your fear of our subs, fear of being weak, fear of making a mistake... the same fear of the other guy that had us build these goddamn bombs in the first place!

Jack Ryan: The bomb is in play! Dylan's called the AFRAT team! They're meeting me at the docks in twenty minutes! We're going to see if we can find it!

Jack Ryan: [reacting to being forced out of the Pentagon] General, the president is basing his decisions on some really bad information right now. And if you shut me out, your family, and my family, and 25 million other families will be dead in 30 minutes!!!

Ricki: It’s turkey time.

Larry Gigli: Huh?

Ricki: Gobble, gobble.

Jim Young: [Walks into the group interview, goes to the head of the table, where an interviewee is sitting] I'm sorry, man, this is my seat.

Interviewee #1: [Quickly gets up] Oh, shit, I-I'm so sorry!

Jim Young: [Moves the chair away] It's okay, don't worry about it.

Interviewee #2: [To Interviewee #1] Fuckin dumbass.

Jim Young: [To Interviewee #2] Get the fuck outta here.

Interviewee #2: W-what?

Jim Young: [Interviewee #2 leaves; Jim gestures to Interviewee #1] Don't talk to me, don't look at me, just pick your ass out of that Italian leather chair, and get the fuck outta this room, right now! Come on, let's go, schlep rock! Out! Sit down. We expect everyone here to treat their co-workers with a certain level of respect. Okay, before we get started, I have one question. Does anyone here pass their Series Seven exam?

Interviewee #3: [Raises his hand] I have a Series Seven license.

Jim Young: Good for you, you can get out too.

Interviewee #3: What, why?

Jim Young: We don't hire brokers here, we train new ones.

Jim Young: Goddammit, you fuckin guys. I'm gonna keep this short, okay? You passed your sevens over a month ago. Seth's the only one that's opened the necessary forty accounts for his team leader. When I was a junior broker I did it in 26 days. Okay? You're not sendin out press packets anymore. None of this Debbie the Time Life operator bullshit. So get on the phones, it's time to get to work. Get off your ass! Move around. Motion creates emotion. I remember one time I had this guy call me up, wanted to pitch me, right? Wanted to sell me stock. So I let him. I got every fuckin rebuttal outta this guy, kept him on the phone for an hour and a half. Towards the end I started askin him buying questions, like what's the firm minimum? That's a buying question, right there. That guy's gotta take me down. It's not like I asked him, what's your 800 number? That's a fuckoff question. I was givin him a run and he blew it. Okay? To a question like what is the firm minimum, the answer is zero. You don't like the idea, don't pick up a single share. But this putz is tellin me you know, uhh, 100 shares? Wrong answer! No! You have to be closing all the time. And be aggressive, learn how to push! Talk to em. Ask em questions... ask em rhetorical questions, it doesn't matter, anything, just get a yes out of em. If you're drowning and I throw you a life jacket would you grab it? Yes! Good. Pick up 200 shares I won't let you down. Ask them how they'd like to see thirty, forty percent returns. What are they gonna say, no? Fuck you? I don't wanna see those returns. Stop laughing, it's not funny. If you can't learn how to close, you better start thinkin about another career. And I am deadly serious about that. Dead fuckin serious. And have your rebuttals ready, guy says call me tomorrow? Bullshit! Somebody tells you th-they got money problems about buyin 200 shares is lying to you. You know what I say to that? I say, hey look, man, tell me you don't like my firm, tell me you don't like my idea, tell me you don't like my fuckin neck tie, but don't tell me you can't put together 2,500 bucks. And there is no such thing as a no-sell call. A sell is made on every call you make. Either you sell the client some stock, or he sells you on a reason he can't. Either way, a sell is made. The only question is: who's gonna close? You or him?! Now be relentless. That's it, I'm done.

Jim Young: There's an important phrase that we use here, and think it's time that you all learned it. Act as if. You understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking President of this firm. Act as if you got a 9" cock. Okay? Act as if.

Jim Young: Okay, here's the deal. I'm not here to waste your time. Okay? And I certainly hope you're not here to waste mine. So I'm gonna keep this short. If you become an employee of this firm, you will make your first million within three years. Okay? I'm gonna repeat that. You will make a million dollars within three years of your first day of employment at J.T. Marlin. There is no question as to whether or not you'll become a millionaire working here. The only question is how many times over. You think I'm joking? I am not joking. I am a millionaire. It's a weird thing to hear, right? I'll tell ya. It's a weird thing to say. I am a fucking millionaire. And guess how old I am. Twenty-seven. You know what that makes me here? A fuckin senior citizen. This firm is entirely comprised of people your age, not mine. Lucky for me, I happen to be very fucking good at my job, or I'd be out of one. You guys are the new blood. You're gonna go home with the kessef. You are the future big swinging dicks of this firm. Now, you all look money hungry, and that's good. Anybody tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fuckin have any. They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the fuckin smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby. You want details? Fine. I drive a Ferrari 355 Cabriolet. What's up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork. I have every toy you could possibly imagine. And best of all, kids, I am liquid. So, now that you know what's possible. Let me tell you what's required. You are required to work your fucking ass off at this firm. We want winners here, not pikers. A piker walks at the bell. A piker asks how much vacation time you get in the first year. Vacation time? People come and work at this firm for one reason: to become filthy rich. That's it. We're not here to make friends. We're not savin the fuckin manatees here, guys. You want vacation time? Go teach third grade, public school. The first three months at the firm are as a trainee. You make $150 a week. After you're done training, you take the Series Seven. You pass that, you become a junior broker and you're opening accounts for your team leader. You open 40 accounts, you start workin for yourself. Sky's the limit. Word or two about being a trainee. Friends, parents, other brokers, whoever, they're gonna give you shit about it. It's true. $150 a week? Not a lot of money. Pay them no mind. You need to learn this business, and this is the time to do it. Once you pass the test, none of that's gonna matter. Your friends are shit. You tell them you made 25 grand last month, they're not gonna fuckin believe you. Fuck them! Fuck em! Parents don't like the life you lead? Fuck you, Mom and Dad. See how it feels when you're makin their fuckin Lexus payments. Now, go home and think about it. Think about whether or not this is really for you. If you decide it isn't, listen, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not for everyone. Thanks. But if you really want this, you call me on Monday and we'll talk. Just don't waste my fuckin time. Okay, that's it.

Rafe McCawley: [to Evelyn] I should've died over there. When I was in that water, I made a deal with God. I told Him I was sorry, I told Him I knew I'd been a fool for leaving you and trying to go over there and be a hero, and I promised I'd never ask for anything again, if I could just see you one more time... And you know what? It was worth it. You kept me alive Evelyn; you brought me home. So I'm gonna stand by my end of the deal. I'm gonna walk away and I won't ask you for anything... but I just want to know why... Just tell me that will you please? Just tell me why.

Michael Jennings: If you show someone their future, they have no future. If you take away the mystery, you take away the hope.

Rachel: Michael! What are you doing?

Jennings: Go. I'll distract them.

Jennings: Go, please.

Rachel: No!

Rachel: You come with me now! You promised. you'd change your fate!

Jennings: Please, we don't have time. If you love me, if you care about me, go. Have a good life. Remember me.

Stansfield Turner: You're telling me there's a movie office in Hollywood right now that's funded by the CIA.

Tony Mendez: Yes, sir.

Cyrus Vance: What's wrong with the bikes again?

Jack O'Donnell: We tried to get the message upstairs.

Turner: You think... You think this is more plausible than teachers?

O'Donnell: Yes we do. One, there are no more foreign teachers in Iran.

Mendez: [[Pol Pot] And, we think everybody knows Hollywood people. And everybody knows they would shoot in Stalingrad with ] directing if it'd sell tickets. There are only bad options. It's about finding the best one.

Turner: You don't have a better bad idea than this?

O'Donnell: This is the best bad idea we have, sir. By far.

Turner: [short pause] The United States government just sanctioned your science fiction movie.

Tony Mendez: You. Where was your passport issued?

Bob Anders: Vancouver.

Mendez: Where were you born?

Anders: Toronto.

Mendez: Toron-o", Canadians don’t pronounce the T.

Lee Schatz: Some Komiteh guard is actually going to know that?

Mendez: If you are detained for questioning they will bring in someone who knows that, yes ... Mary, who are the last three prime ministers of Canada?

Cora Lijek: [[Pierre Elliott Trudeau|Trudeau; [Lester B. Pearson|Pearson; [w:John Diefenbaker|Diefenbaker] Uh, ], ] and ].

Mendez: What's your father's name?

Lijek: Howard.

Mendez: What's his occupation?

Lijek: Fisherman.

Mendez: Where were you born?

Lijek: Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Mendez: What's your date of birth?

Lijek: February 21, 1952.

Mendez: [to Stafford] Good. What's your job on the movie?

Joe Stafford: Producer.

Mendez: Associate producer. What's the last movie you produced?

Stafford: High and Dry.

Mendez: Who paid for that?

Stafford: [[w:Telefilm Canada|The CFDC] ].

Mendez: [Stafford stammers] What's your middle name? What's your middle name? What's your middle name?

Stafford: Leon.

Mendez: Shoot him. He's an American spy ... Look, they're going to try to break you, OK, by trying to get you agitated. You have to know your resume back to front.

Stafford: You really believe your little story's gonna make a difference when there's a gun to our heads?

Mendez: I think my story's the only thing between you and a gun to your head.

Lester Siegel: Okay, you got six people hiding out in a town of what, four million people, all of whom chant "death to America" all the livelong day. You want to set up a movie in a week. You want to lie to Hollywood, a town where everybody lies for a living. Then you're gonna sneak 007 over here into a country that wants CIA blood on their breakfast cereal, and you're gonna walk the Brady Bunch out of the most watched city in the world.

Tony Mendez: Past about a hundred militia at the airport. That's right.

Siegel: Right. Look, I gotta tell you. We did suicide missions in the army that had better odds than this.

Robert Pender: What we like for this now are bicycles. We've identified back roads from the Shemiran district — a couple of rat lines through the mountains to the crossing at Tabriz. Cars are off the table because of the roadblocks.

Jon Bates: We wait until the weather clears up then deliver the six bikes, provide them with maps to the Turkish border.

Adam Engell: We have intelligence they can ride bicycles or we’re prepared to send in somebody to teach them.

Tony Mendez: Or you could just send in training wheels and meet them at the border with Gatorade. It's 300 miles to the Turkish crossings. They'd need a support crew behind them with a tire pump.

Engell: We've only been asked to sharpshoot this, State's handling the op.

Pender: Who is...?

Jack O'Donnell: [[w:Shah Reza Pahlavi|Shah] Tony's an exfil spesh. He got a lot of the ]'s people out after the fall.

Mendez: Sir, if these people can read or add, pretty soon they're gonna figure out they're six short of a full deck. It's winter. You can't wait around until spring when it's nice enough to take a bike ride. The only way out of that city is the airport. You build new cover identities for them, you send in a Moses, he takes them out on a commercial flight.

Bates: We've explored those options.

Engell: They're never going to get past airport control. Komiteh own the place.

Bates: They could pose as reporters. The government issued seventy-something visas for American journalists.

Mario Malinov: Seventy-four. And the Revolutionary Guards keep them on 74 leashes.

Mendez: [[w:Peter Jennings|Peter Jennings'; ...] If they're caught with fake journalist creds, it's ] head in a noose in an hour. Sir, exfils are like abortions. You don't want to need one, but when you do, you don't do it yourself.

Jack O'Donnell: The six of them went out a back exit. Brits turned them away, Kiwis turned them away, Canadians took them in. Traffic calls them the Houseguests'; they haven't left the Canadian ambassador's house since it happened.

Tony Mendez: Why didn't we get them ten weeks ago?

O'Donnell: [[w:Revolutionary Guards|Revolutionary Guards] Too dangerous. You've got ] going door to door like Jehovah's Witnesses. Half of them think Khomeini's been too lenient on the ones in the embassy.

Mendez: What about the White House?

O'Donnell: [[w:Cyrus Vance|Vance] Carter's shitting enough bricks to build the pyramids. The Canadians are done; they say they're bearing too much risk. Their foreign secretary corners ] in Brussels and told him she wants the six of them out.

Mendez: Who else knows?

O'Donnell: Just the families. Meanwhile, some genius in our embassy was keeping a mug book on everybody who worked there.

Mendez: Jesus Christ!

O'Donnell: We think it got shredded before they got in. But now the bastards are using sweatshop kids to reassemble the shreds, and once they reassemble that book, they'll know six Americans got out and they'll know what they look like. Standing room only for beheadings in the square.

Mendez: Who's handling?

O'Donnell: State is coordinating in house.

Mendez: State? They don't do exfils.

O'Donnell: They do now. They want to run it by us, strictly as consultants. Engell says its a lose-lose. These people die, they die badly. Publicly. State wants the blame, we'll give it to them.

Mendez: What does he want me here for?

O'Donnell: So he can tell State he ran it by his best exfil guy.

Fergus Fergie Colm: You're going to do this for me, or I'm going to clip your nuts, like I clipped your daddy's.

Doug MacRay: Don't talk about my father.

Fergus Fergie Colm: Son, I knew your daddy. He worked for me for years. Years. Then he wanted his own thing. You play the horses? You know they either geld the horse with a knife or with chemicals. When your Daddy said no to me, I did him the chemical way. Gave your mother a taste. Got the hook into her. Ahh, she doped up good and proper. Hung herself with a wire, on Melnea Cass. And you, running around the neighborhood looking for her. Your daddy didn't have the heart to tell his son that he was looking for a suicide doper who was never coming home. If there's a Heaven, son, she ain't in it.

Doug MacRay: I'm thinking about um... taking a trip. Going dark for a minute.

Stephen MacRay: Takin heat?

Doug MacRay: Nah, just... Makin a change.

Stephen MacRay: Yeah, don't tell me. "Makin a change." Either you got heat or you don't. I heard a bread truck got dropped.

Doug MacRay: Oh, yeah? I didn't hear about it.

Stephen MacRay: Okay.

Police Guard: You got five minutes! Five minutes!

Doug MacRay: Let me ask you something. In case I don't see you again. How come you never... How come you never looked for her?

Stephen MacRay: Uhhhhh... Looked for who?

Doug MacRay: [short pause] For Ma. For my mother. How come you never looked for her? How come you never tried to call nobody or look for her, or ask around?

Stephen MacRay: [sighs] Look, when your mother left, you cried so hard you were throwin up. All over parlor. So I told you if you looked around you might find her. Just to give you an activity. I didn't think you'd carry it like a fuckin disease. What, you wanna think she was an angel? Go ahead. But look out your front door. How many 22 year old girls are out there, they're fuckin around with kids they don't want... and... you know... no sense in their heads. And your mother wasn't no different. That's the hard truth. I made my peace with it. You make yours. I didn't look for her because there was nothin to find. Look, I gotta die five times before I get outta here. But, I'll see you again. This side or the other.

Doug MacRay: I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people.

James Coughlin: ...Whose car are we gonna take? (and they rush to the prospects to beat up a tough guy who damaged Claire's car...)

Claire Keesey: I lied to the FBI.

Doug MacRay: What?

Claire Keesey: When the guy attacked David, I could see the back of his neck and he had a tattoo.

Doug MacRay: Of what?

Claire Keesey: It was one of those fighting Irish tattoos. I'm afraid if I report it they'll make me testify. What do you think I should do?

Doug MacRay: You tell the FBI. If the guy's got a record, and I'm sure he does, they'll have his tattoos on file. They'll ring him up the next day. Robbery, weapons, he'll get thirty years. Of course he'll worry someone's gonna come looking for the witness. FBI will probably want to put you in a WitSec, you know, witness security. You know, he'll probably put you somewhere, like you know in uh... Cleveland or Arizona. You know, somewhere safe. Or... you could wait. You have a card, there's nothin says you gotta play it right away. You're the one who's vulnerable in this situation right now. The FBI are just people, like anyone else who want to find the bad guy so that they can go home and do their supper. You have to look out for yourself, Claire.

Claire Keesey: Quite an expert.

Doug MacRay: [[CSI: Crime Scene Investigation|CSI; [CSI: Miami|Miami CSI; [CSI: New York|New York CSI] Not really. Just watch a lot of TV. I watch a lot of ]. So I'm a really big expert on all this. I know. And ] and ]. All the... all of them I have watched.

Claire Keesey: You're well prepared.

Doug MacRay: [[Bones (TV series)|Bones] And ].

Claire Keesey: A few days ago my bank was robbed. Four men took over and opened the safe. They took me as a hostage. Uh... they blindfolded me and drove me around. And then they stopped and let me out over at the beach and... and one of the guys told me to walk until I felt the water on my toes. It's the longest walk of my life, I kept thinking I'd step off a cliff. And... and then I felt the water.

Doug MacRay: I'm sorry.

Claire Keesey: It's not your fault.

Doug MacRay: You following us, Jem? Who were you tailing, me or her?

James Coughlin: I told you. I made the Avalanche.

Doug MacRay: You got nothing to worry about. It's all under control.

James Coughlin: So, you're trying to get us jammed up, that it?

Doug MacRay: Yeah, I'm trying to get you jammed up.

James Coughlin: Tell me you got a move here, Dougie. Cause the only way I see it, is that you got sprung like a goddamn bear trap on some toonie pussy who happens to be the one goddamn person-fuck! the one person that can give us to the fucking feds.

Doug MacRay: Calm down. Don't you think we need to be smart right now?

James Coughlin: Smart? Let's start fucking all the witnesses. Oh yeah I'm blowing the Assistant manager, am I smart now? And no, I didn't tell the other guys because they'd flip the fuck out! And I want them ready for the next thing.

Doug MacRay: I told you, the next fucking thing ain't ready yet.

James Coughlin: Then fucking make it ready!

Doug MacRay: [[G.I. Joe] I don't like the guards on the next thing, alright. One kid is like fucking ], He wears the vest on the outside and tucks his pants into his fucking combat boots.

James Coughlin: The truck's fucking waist high.

Doug MacRay: We'll find another truck with the driver who's a fucking fat kid with his fucking shirt on top who don't think he's special forces.

James Coughlin: Well I know you're happy in fuck-city over there but I waited nine years in Walpole for you motherfucker, just nine years that's all. I'm done waiting

Doug MacRay: This is the last one. We're hitting pause after this. We get pinched, remember whose idea this was, okay? Be ready on Friday.

Nick Dunne: [after seeing positive pregnancy test] I didn't touch you!

Amy Dunne: You didn't need to.

Nick Dunne: Bullshit! That notice of disposal, I have that. You threw it out.

Amy Dunne: [rubs stomach] The notice? Yes.

Nick Dunne: I want a blood test! I want a paternity test!

Amy Dunne: I love tests.

Nick Dunne: You fucking cunt!

Amy Dunne: I'm the cunt you married. The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like. I'm not a quitter, I'm that cunt. I've killed for you; who else can say that? You think you'd be happy with a nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby! I'm it.

Nick Dunne: Fuck. You're delusional. I mean, you're insane, why would you even want this? Yes, I loved you and then all we did was resent each other, and try to control each other, and cause each other pain.

Amy Dunne: That's marriage. Now, I'm getting ready.

Margo Dunne: I can't watch you play house with that thing for the next 18 years!

Nick Dunne: I can't just walk away.

Margo Dunne: You could get custody.

Nick Dunne: No, I won't, and you know it. It's gonna be my child, and I'm not gonna leave it.

Margo Dunne: You wanna stay.

Nick Dunne: I have a responsibility. It's not about what I want anymore.

Margo Dunne: [she chokes up further] You wanna stay with her. You're breaking my heart.

Nick Dunne: Go, you're my voice of reason. I need you with me on this.

Margo Dunne: [sniffling] Of course I'm with you. I was with you before we were even born.

Nick Dunne: ...and, we've been through the darkness. We come out, united. Uh, we communicate. We're honest with each other. We're partners in crime.

Amy Dunne: And?

Nick Dunne: [with a forced smile] And... we're gonna be parents.

Ellen Abbott: [smiling widely; She steps away from her chair and embraces Amy on the couch, as Nick looks away in displeasure] Oh, my goodness! Oh, how exciting!

Nick Dunne: [Amy looks upwards; Amy leans into Nick] What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other? What will we do?

Nick Dunne: I always wondered why you kept in touch, after everything. You were together for two years in boarding school, right?

Desi Collings: She was my first serious girlfriend.

Nick Dunne: Why did you break up?

Desi Collings: That's a strange question.

Nick Dunne: Did you treat her bad? Did you cheat on her?

Desi Collings: That's a rude question.

Nick Dunne: Let me tell you what Amy told me. She dumped you, you completely unravelled. You stalked her, you threatened her, you attempted suicide in her bed and were institutionalised.

Desi Collings: Your wife is missing, and you came all this way to tell me this?

Nick Dunne: Well I thought there might be another side to this story.

Margo Dunne: [discussing what kind of wood item Nick is going to give to Amy for their fifth wedding anniversary, the "wood" anniversary] So, what'd you get her?

Nick Dunne: There's no good gift for wood.

Margo Dunne: I know. Go home, fuck her brains out, slap her with your penis. "There's some wood for you, bitch.

Nick Dunne: [Last lines] What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other? What will we do?

Nick Dunne: [Opening lines] When I think of my wife, I always think of the back of her head. I picture cracking her lovely skull, unspooling her brain, trying to get answers. The primal questions of a marriage: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other?

Nick Dunne: [to Amy] You. Fucking. Bitch.

Bartleby: My eyes are open. For the first time, I get it. When that little innocent girl let her mission slip, I had an epiphany. See in the beginning, it was just us and Him, angels and God...and then he created humans. Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship, and bowing and scraping and adoration. He gave them more than He ever gave us — He gave them a choice. They choose to acknowledge God, or choose to ignore Him. All this time we've been down here, I've felt the absence of the divine presence, and it's pained me, as I'm sure it must have pained you. And why? Because of the way He made us! Had we been given free will, we could choose to ignore the pain, like they do. But no — We're servants!

Loki: [alarmed] Okay... You know, all I'm saying is that maybe one of us needs a little nap...

Bartleby: Wake up! These Humans have besmirched everything He's bestowed upon them. They were given paradise — they threw it away. They were given this planet — they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists! And in spite of it all, He has shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you once to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from paradise! Where was His infinite fucking patience then? It's not right! It's not fair! We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time, don't you think it's time we went home? And to do that, I think we may have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.

Loki: Wait, wait, wait...kill them? You're talking about the Last Scion, for Chrissake! And what about Jay and Bob? I mean, those guys were alright!

Bartleby: Don't, don't my friend. See, don't let your sympathies get the best of you. They did me, once. Scion or not... she's just a human. And by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven. No harm, no foul.

Loki: [horrified] My God... I've heard a rant like this before.

Bartleby: What did you say?

Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.

Bartleby: Don't you fucking do that to me.

Loki: [[w:Lucifer|Morning Star] You sound like the ]!

Bartleby: You shut your fucking mouth, man!

Loki: [[w:Lucifer|Lucifer] You do, you sound like ], man! You've fucking lost it! You're not talking about going home, Bartleby — you're talking about fucking war on God! Well, fuck that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the throne. I'm going back to Wisconsin.

Bartleby: We're going home, Loki! And no one — not you, not even the Almighty Himself — is going to make that otherwise.

Whitland: Morning. Has anyone seen the overnights?

Board: No

Whitland: [Loki and Bartleby are noticed seated, Loki peeling onions with a knife] We creamed em. Last night was a re-run which says to me... Do I smell onion? Excuse me. May I ask what you're doing in my boardroom?

Loki: [To Bartleby] You may proceed, mon ami.

Bartleby: I'm gonna have to start by apologizing. My friend has a bit of a penchant for the dramatic.

Loki: Oh come on!

Bartleby: [To the board room] Relax, I'm doing this. Mooby, the Golden Calf. Created by Nancy Goldruff, a former kindergarten teacher in 1989. Bought by the Complex Corporation in 1991. Broadcast nationally as the "Mooby Fun-Time Hour." Since its inception, has spawned two theatrical films, sixteen records, eight prime-time specials, and a library of priced-to-own videocassettes. Not to mention bicoastal theme parks... dubbed "Mooby World." Did I miss anything?

Whitland: You forgot Mooby Magazine.

Bartleby: Damn it!

Whitland: Now, is there a point to this?

Bartleby: You and your board are idolaters.

Loki: [To Bartleby; Places the onion, carved in the shape of a man, before Whitman; Sneezes. He looks around the room but no one speaks. Shrugs and continues his speech.] I can't believe you forgot the magazine. That's you. Do you know much about voodoo? That's a fascinating practice. No real doctrine of faith to speak of. More an arrangement of superstitions the most well-known of which is the voodoo doll. You see- -a mockup of an individual is subjected to various pokes and prods.The desired result is that the individual will feel those effects.

Whitland: [Loki throws a the knife into the phone] Call security, now!

Loki: All lines are currently down.

Bartleby: I'm gonna have to apologize.

Loki: -Would you knock it off?

Bartleby: [To the board room] You're doing it again. Stop. What did we talk about? Ahem. You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the First Commandment. More than that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year, you cheated on your wife of 17 years 8 times. You even had sex with her best friend... while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.

Loki: In the bed that you and your wife share, no less.

Bartleby: [addressing the only female board member; Whispers into Whitland's ear] Mr. Newman. You got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. She killed herself three months later. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son. Very compassionate. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and used the profits from the sale of her home to buy an Oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven-year-old boy. Mr. Holtzman okayed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe because it was, survey says... less costly. You, on the other hand are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you. But you, Mr. Whitland. You have more skeletons in your closet than this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud.

Loki: You're his father, you sick fuck! - Good.-

Bartleby: Not bad, man.

Loki: That's great work.

Bartleby: [Walks out] Very good.

Loki: [smashes doll into table. The board scream in terror before realizing nothing's happened. Loki snickers; Loki exits the boardroom. The board members collect themselves, but then Loki re-enters with gun drawn; Opens fire] Well, alone at last. With the exception of Miss Pryce here there isn't a decent human being amongst you. Not one. Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power hiding behind your false idol,far from judgment lives shrouded in secrecy, even from one another. But not from God. (Walks off) Oh, forgot my little voodoo doll. Man, it really looks just like you, doesn't it? Look, if I believed enough in this... I wonder. Come on. I don't believe in voodoo. Voodoo. But I do believe in this!. DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN! FAKES! FAKES, ALL OF YOU FAKES! AND YOU! IN THE BED THAT YOU AND YOUR WIFE SHARE NO LESS!

Bartleby: [Reading Mooby magazine] But I do believe in this"... What does that mean?

Loki: [all but the innocent woman are dead; Points gun at her] Gum? Go on it's OK you've done nothing wrong, those guys were finks and you're a pure soul. But you didn't say God bless you when I sneezed.

Bartleby: LOKI!

Loki: You're getting off light.

Bartleby: Loki!

Loki: [walks off] I know, I'm coming. You're so lucky.

Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.

Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that wrath-of-the-almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...

Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.

Loki: [[w:Sodom and Gomorrah|Sodom and Gomorrah] Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at ], I had to do all the work.

Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.

Loki: I rained down sulfur, man, there's a subtle difference.

Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Loki: [defensively; [w:genocide|genocide] Hey, you know, fuck you, man; any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulfur is like an endurance trial, man. Mass ] is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.

Loki: Our last four days on Earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. But we can do the next best thing.

Bartleby: What's that?

Loki: Let's kill people.

Loki: Oh, not you.

Nun: [[Alice in Wonderland] So, you don't believe in God...because of ]?

Loki: [[Through the Looking Glass; [w:The Walrus and the Carpenter|The Walrus and the Carpenter; [Buddha; [w:Ganesha|Ganesha; [Jesus Christ; [Kierkegaard; [Sartre; [Lewis Carroll] No, ], that poem "]," that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and good nature, obviously represents either ] or, with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god Lord ] – that takes care of your eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to ], who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. Now I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions, out of fear of some intangible parent figure, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says "Do it, do it and I'll fucking spank you!" The existentialists can keep their ] and their ] — give me ] any day. That guy knows what time it is!

Nun: The way you put it... I've never thought about it like that before. What...what have I been doing with my life?

Loki: Yeah, I know. Look, why don't you take this money you're collecting for your parish, and go out and buy yourself a new dress. Fix yourself up. Find some man. Find some woman. Find anyone you can connect with, even for a moment. Because that's all that life really is, Sister — it's a series of moments. Why don't you go seize yours? Attagirl.

Bartleby: Here's what I don't get about you. You know for a fact that there's a God. You've been in His presence, He's spoken to you personally. And yet I just heard you claim to be an atheist.

Loki: I just love to fuck with the clergy, man, I just love it. I love keeping those guys on their toes!

Bruce Wayne / Batman: [''To Superman''; ''Superman shoots upwards''] Tell me. Do you bleed? You will.

Bruce Wayne / Batman: There was a time above... a time before. There were perfect things... diamond absolutes. How things fall, things on Earth. And what falls... is fallen. In the dream, they took me to the light. A beautiful lie.