Bad Santa

Lessons on Toughness and Self-Reliance

Willie Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn't need no fucking gorilla. And I wasn't as big as one of your legs. Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy. You know what he did? He kicked my ass. You know why? It's because he was a mean, drunk son of a bitch. And when he wasn't busy busting my ass, he was putting cigarettes out on my neck. The world ain't fair. You've gotta take what you need when you can get it. You've gotta learn to stand up for yourself. You gonna have to quit being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something...or don't. Shit. I don't care. Just leave me the hell out of it.

[to Thurman]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Simple Plan

Regret Over Unexpected Wealth Discovery

Jacob Mitchell I wish somebody else had found that money.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

A Conversation on Relationships and Self-Perception

Marcus You fuck her?

Willie Jesus Christ! Is everything fucking sex with you?

Marcus With me? I fuck one person. I ain't out there serially fornicatin', trying to float my liver drinkin myself silly cause I can't stand what a piece of shit I am.

Willie What are you? Sigmund "Sawed Off" fuckin Freud?

Marcus Yeah, that's right, shit for brains. Go ahead, talk about my height. Make it about something safe cause you're an emotional fuckin cripple. Your soul is dogshit. Every single fuckin thing about you is ugly.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Friday Night Lights

Striving for Perfection in Effort

Coach Gary Gaines I've seen you fight. I've seen you not quit. Can you give me a great effort and just a little bit more. Can you be perfect?

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Friday Night Lights

The Weight of Community Expectations

Coach Gary Gaines Gentlemen, the hopes and dreams of an entire town are riding on your shoulders. You may never matter again in your life as much as you do right now.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sling Blade

Request for Food at the Counter

Frosty Cream Boy Can I help you, sir? Can I help you, sir?

Karl Childers I was kinda wantin somethin nother to eat, mmm-hmm.

Frosty Cream Boy Well, uh, what would you like?

Karl You got any biscuits for sale in there?

Frosty Cream Boy Well no. This here is a Frosty Cream. We don't serve biscuits. We got a lot of other stuff, though.

Karl What you got in there that's good to eat?

Frosty Cream Boy Well, we got Big Chief burgers, Bongo burgers, foot longs, corny dogs, Frosty shakes, creamy bars. Uh, did you want me to go through the whole list?

Karl Reckon what you like to eat in there?

Frosty Cream Boy Well, the french fries are pretty good.

Karl French fried potaters?

Frosty Cream Boy Yup, the french fries.

Karl How much you want for em?

Frosty Cream Boy Well, they're 60 for the medium and 75 for large.

Karl I reckon I'll have me some of the big uns.

Frosty Cream Boy Alright then, one large french fries?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sling Blade

A Humorous Observation on Differences

Karl Childers There were these two fellars standin on a bridge, a-goin to the bathroom. One fellar said, "The water's cold" and the other fellar said, "The water's deep". I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Get it?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Friday Night Lights

The True Meaning of Perfection

Coach Gary Gaines Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasn't one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, with joy in your heart? If you can do that gentleman - you're perfect!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Childhood Obsessions and Adult Desires

Sue I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.

Willie So is my thing for tits.

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The Man Who Wasn't There

Reflections on Life and Death

Ed Crane Time slows down right before an accident, and I had time to think about things. I thought about what an undertaker had told me once - that your hair keeps growing, for a while anyway, after you die, and then it stops. I thought, "What keeps it growing? Is it like a plant in soil? What goes out of the soil? The soul? And when does the hair realize that it's gone?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Friday Night Lights

Analyzing the Opponents' Strengths and Tactics

Coach Gary Gaines So how is it out there?

Ivory Christian They're fast, they're big, they're dirty... plus they're fast.

Coach Gary Gaines You said that already.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sling Blade

The Consequences of Suicide According to the Bible

Frank Wheatley Ever think of killing yourself on purpose like my daddy done?

Karl Childers I studied about it. The Bible says you ought not to. It says if you do that, you go off to Hades. Some folks call it Hell, I call it Hades.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Uncertainty and Hope Beyond This World

Ed Crane I don't know where I'm being taken. I don't know what waits for me beyond the earth and sky. Maybe the things I don't understand will be clearer there, like when a fog blows away. Maybe Doris will be there, and maybe there I can tell her all those things they don't have words for here.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sling Blade

A Conversation About Siblings and Loss

Frank Wheatley You ever have any brothers or sisters growing up?

Karl Childers I had one there for a little while. But, uh, it didn't get old enough for me to play with it.

Frank Why not? It die?

Karl Yes, Sir.

Frank Why?

Karl It got born too early. My mother and father made it come out too early some how or other.

Frank So it died when it came out?

Karl My daddy came out to the shed and got me. He said, "Here, take this and throw it away", and he handed me a towel with something or another in it. Well I started for that barrel and I opened up the towel cause there was a noise. Something a-moving around in there. The towel was all bloody-like all around it there. It was a lil ol baby not no bigger than a squirrel.

Frank A girl or a boy?

Karl It was a little ol boy.

Frank You threw it in the trash barrel?

Karl Well that didn't seem right to me, so I went in the shed and got me a shoe box and emptied out all the washers and nuts and screws and whatnot that were in it and I takened the little fellar and put him inside the box and buried him right there in a corner of the yard. That seemed more proper to me, I reckon.

Frank Was it still alive when you buried it?

Karl I heared it a-cryin through that box.

Frank That don't seem right. Seems like you would have kept him and taken care of him if he was your brother.

Karl I wasn't but 6 or 8. I don't reckon I knew what to do. I didn't know how to care for no baby. My mother and father didn't want him and they learned me to do what they told me. These days I reckon it's better to give him back to the Good Lord anyhow.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

The Three B's of Willie

Marcus Willie, this has been a long time coming. Every year, you're worse. Every year, you're less reliable. More booze, more bullshit, more butt-fucking.

Willie Sure, the three B's.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Simple Plan

Desire for wealth and personal change

Jacob Mitchell I mean, hell, Hank, I've never even kissed a girl. You know, if me becoming rich is gonna change all that, you know I'm all for it.

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Pushing Tin

The Endurance of Human Pain

Russell Bell Human beings can tolerate a lot of pain, you never know until it happens.

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Sling Blade

A Firm Refusal to Engage Further

Karl Childers Don't you say another word to me. I ain't listenin to you no more.

[to Charles Bushman, final words of the film]

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Monster's Ball

A Complex Father-Son Relationship Unfolds

Sonny Grotowski You hate me. You hate me, don't you? Answer me! You hate me, don't you?

Hank Grotowski Yeah, I hate you. I always did.

Sonny Grotowski Well, I've always loved you.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Primary Colors

Unexpected Encounter with a Python

Richard Jemmons I got a python in here...

Jennifer Rogers Wow. I've never seen one that... old... before.

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The Man Who Wasn't There

A Complex Reflection on Regret and Acceptance

Ed Crane Yeah, I guess I'm sorry about the pain I caused other people, but I don't regret anything. I used to. I used to regret being the barber.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Friday Night Lights

The Burden of Self-Imposed Curses

Mike Winchell You ever feel cursed, Coach? Like, no matter what, inside your heart you feel that you're gonna lose. Like something's hanging over you, following you like a witch or a demon that just... I feel like that all the time. Even when things are going good. When we're winnin', it's there. And when we're losin', it's there.

Coach Gary Gaines It took me a long time to realize that, uh, there ain't much difference between winnin and losin', except for how the outside world treats you. But inside you, it's about all the same. It really is. Fact of the matter is, I believe that, uh, our only curses are the ones that are self-imposed. You know what I'm sayin'? We, all of us, dig our own holes.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Monster's Ball

Complex Feelings About Family Relationships

Ms. Guillermo You must love him very much.

Hank Grotowski No, I don't. But he's my father. So, there it is.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Simple Plan

Reflections on the Nature of Predation

Jacob Mitchell Those things are always waiting for something to die so they can eat it. What a weird job.

[commenting on crows]

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Pushing Tin

Reflecting on Past Bowling and Alcoholism

Russell Bell I used to bowl, when I was an alcoholic.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Realism in Wishes and Expectations

Willie Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up first.

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Friday Night Lights

A Moment of Reflection and Brotherhood

Coach Gary Gaines I want you to take a moment, and I want you to look each other in the eyes. I want you to put each other in your hearts forever because forever is about to happen here in just a few minutes. I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to think about Boobie Miles, who is your brother. And he would die to be out there in that field with you tonight. And I want you to put that in your hearts. Boys my heart is full. My heart is full.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Quiet Reflection on Simplicity and Action

Ed Crane Me, I don't talk much. I just cut the hair.

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Sling Blade

Understanding the Sling Blade's Functionality

Karl Childers Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade. It's kindly a long wood handle, kinda like an axe handle, with a long blade on it shaped kindly like a bananer. Mmm hmm. Sharp on one edge, and dull on the other un. Mmm hmm. It's what the highway boys use to cut down weeds and what not, y'know.

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Bad Santa

Consequences of Unexpected Actions and New Alliances

Willie Thank you for giving that letter to the cops. I forgot I asked you to do it, but it's a good thing you did, or Santa's Little Helper would have plugged his ass. And now the cops know I wrote it, which is gonna keep my ass out of jail. That, plus everyone agreeing that the Phoenix police department shooting an unarmed Santa was even more fucked up than ]. Cops are treating me like fucking royalty, which is new in my experience. They're making me a sensitivity counselor so that tragedies like this would never again embarrass the department. Meanwhile, I told the cops that you had no one to take the fuck care of you. So they set it up with Mrs. Santa's sister until your dad gets out in one year and three months. They made her a guardian pro-temp. As for my little helper, I'm sorry to tell you that he and his prune faced, mail order wife are going to be exploring mountains with your dad. I just hope your dad doesn't go sucking shit from them like I did.

[to Thurman; [w:Rodney King|Rodney King]

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The Man Who Wasn't There

Isolation in a Crowded Existence

Ed Crane I sat in the house, but there was nobody there. I was a ghost; I didn't see anyone. No one saw me. I was the barber.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Misunderstandings About Health and Behavior

Marcus It won't happen again. I can promise you that. Willie here has low blood sugar. That's all.

Willie That's right. I forgot to take my pill.

Bob Chipeska It's not just the swearing. Forgive me for prying, but did one of you, um, fornicate...

Willie Fornicate?

Bob Chipeska Yes, with a heavy-set woman in the big-and-tall dressing room?

Willie Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody.

Bob Chipeska Yes... Well, even still, I think it's best for all parties considered if we...

Marcus If we what?

Bob Chipeska Well, I have somebody else interested in the position.

Willie Before you do something stupid, you might want to think about this shit.

Bob Chipeska What are you talking about?

Willie I'm talking about firing a little black midget. A small, colored, African-American small person. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your face all over goddamn USA Today, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 150 of these little motherfuckers all over the sidewalk out there. Holding picket signs and using bullhorns and shit like that. Screaming and hollering your name out. Unfair practices, get me?

Bob Chipeska Oh no, this is not a handicapped thing. I have nothing against you people.

Willie You people? Did you hear that Marcus? He said "you people".

Marcus Who the hell is "us people"?

Bob Chipeska No...he said...I...you don't under-- what? No, no. Um, I think it's best if we just forget we had this conversation.

Willie Good thinking. And don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Let's get the hell out of here, Marcus.

Willie You're pathetic.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Pushing Tin

Marriage and Beauty: A Cautionary Perspective

Russell Bell If you ever want to sleep at night, don't marry a beautiful girl.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Frustration in a Holiday Setting

Willie I said "next," goddamn it! This is not the DMV, all right? Move it along.

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Sling Blade

Confrontation Over Past Grief and Regret

Frank Childers I told you I ain't got no boy. Now why don't you go on out of here and let me be? You ain't no kin to me.

Karl Childers I learned to read some. I read the Bible quite a bit. I can't understand all of it, but I reckon I understand a good deal of it. Them stories you and Mama told me, they ain't in there. You ought not done that to your boy. I've studied on killing you. I studied about it quite a bit. But I don't reckon there ain't no need for it if all you're gonna do is sit there in that chair. You'll be dead soon enough and the world'll be shot of ya. You ought not killed my little brother. He ought to had a chance to growed up. He woulda had fun some time.

[after a pause]

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Monster's Ball

The Unexpected Need for Ice Cream

Leticia Musgrove ...What?

Hank Grotowski Oh, nothing, I-I just uhm... I'm gonna go out and buy some ice cream.

Leticia Musgrove ... Now?

[laughs]

Hank Grotowski Yeah... It just feels right.

Leticia Musgrove Okay.

Hank Grotowski Well...

Leticia Musgrove Can you buy me some?

Hank Grotowski Yea. What kind you want?

Leticia Musgrove Chocolate.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sling Blade

Call for Help After a Violent Incident

Karl Childers Yes, ma'am. I I need the police over at the Wheatley house, mmm. I've killed Doyle Hargraves with a lawnmower blade. Yes, ma'am, I'm right sure of it. I hit him two good whacks in the head with it. That second one just plum near cut his head in two... It's a lil ol white house on the corner of Vine Street and some other street. There's a pick-up truck out front that says "Doyle Hargraves Construction" on it. Doyle said besides sending the police, you might wanna send an ambulance or a "hearst". I'll be sitting here, waiting on ye.

[on the phone]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Simple Plan

Confronting the Nature of Evil

Jacob Mitchell Hank, do you ever feel evil?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Monster's Ball

Desire for Connection and Comfort

Hank Grotowski I'm not sure what exactly you want.

Leticia Musgrove You know what I want... I want you to make me feel good. Can you make me feel good, can you make me feel good? I wanna feel good... I wanna feel...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Tombstone

Confrontation Between Doc Holliday and Johnny Tyler

Doc Holliday Why, Johnny Tyler! You madcap.

Johnny Tyler ...Doc?

[Freezes]

Doc Holliday Where do you think you're going with that shotgun?

Johnny Tyler ...I-I didn't know you was back in town!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

The Inevitable Need for Change

Ed Crane Sooner or later everyone needs a haircut.

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Monster's Ball

Confronting Responsibility for Another's Suffering

Hank Grotowski You fucked him up! You fucked up that man's last walk!

[to Sonny about Lawrence Musgrove]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

The Ordinary Man's Defense Against Conviction

Ed Crane And then it was Riedenschneider's turn. I gotta hand it to him, he tossed a lot of sand in their eyes. He talked about how I'd lost my place in the universe; how I was too ordinary to be the criminal mastermind the D.A. made me out to be; how there was some greater scheme at work that the state had yet to unravel. And he threw in some of the old "truth" stuff he hadn't had a chance to trot out for Doris. He told them to look at me, look at me close. That the closer they looked, the less sense it would all make; that I wasn't the kind of guy to kill a guy; that I was The Barber, for Christsake. I was just like them - an ordinary man. Guilty of living in a world that had no place for me, yeah. Guilty of wanting to be a dry cleaner, sure. But not a murderer. He said I was modern man, and if they voted to convict me, well, they'd be practically cinching the noose around their own necks. He told them to look, not at the facts, but at the meaning of the facts. Then he said the facts had no meaning. It was a pretty good speech. It even had me going until Frankie interrupted it.

[about his lawyer's courtroom speech]

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Sling Blade

A Moment of Comfort and Departure

Karl Childers Everything's gonna be all right, boy. I kind of want to put my arm around you for a minute. Then I'm gonna get up and leave out of here.

Frank Wheatley Okay.

Karl I love you, boy!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sling Blade

Preference for French Fried Potatoes

Karl Childers I like them French fried potaters.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Primary Colors

Identity and Racial Pride in Conflict

Richard Jemmons You just called me a redneck, which I'm proud to say I am, and you, Hodgkiss, are a honky! You just look black, and it's the best part of ya! Lets you intimidate the palefaces, especially lib-labs, and lets ya work that voodoo sexual shit on white girls. Well, I'm probably blacker than you are. I got some slave in me. I can feel it.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Life's Struggles and Frustrations

Willie I've been to prison once. I've been married twice. I was once drafted by ] and had to live in shit-ass Mexico for two and a half years for no reason. I've had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out, and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that's never gonna heal. I've seen some pretty shitty situations in my life, but nothing has ever sucked more ass than this. If I'd known I was gonna have to put up with screaming brats pissing on my lap for days out of the year, I would have killed myself a long time ago. Come to think of it, I still might.

[narrating; [Lyndon Johnson]

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Sling Blade

Unwelcome Greetings in a Tense Encounter

Doyle Hargraves Was you in the nut house for hackin somebody up with a hatchet?

Karl Childers I never used no hatchet that I remember. Mmm hmm.

Doyle So you're just crazy in a retard kind of way, huh? Wouldn't matter to me if you did do violence on someone. I ain't scared of shit. You're just a humped-over retard, seems to me. I'm just kiddin'. Welcome to our humble home, Buddy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Monster's Ball

Facing Finality in a Grave Situation

Hank Grotowski Let's get this over quick.

Minister is there a passage you'd like me to read?

Hank Grotowski No, all I wanna hear is dirt hit that box.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Finding Purpose in Unconventional Actions

Willie You know, I think I've turned a corner.

Marcus Yeah? You fucking petites now?

Willie No, I'm not talking about that. I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno. Like I accomplished something.

Marcus You need many years of therapy. Many, many, many fuckin years of therapy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Friday Night Lights

Winning Through Heart and Strategy

Coach Gary Gaines Stop reading the news clippings. You're small and you're going to be smaller every week. There ain't going to be no growth spurt between now and the first game. You're going to use your minds! You're going to play with your heart! And that is what you're going to use to win the State Championship.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Monster's Ball

Seeking Connection and Support

Hank Grotowski I wanna take care of you.

Leticia Musgrove Good. Cuz I need to be taken care of.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Primary Colors

The Nature of Love and Disappointment

Richard Jemmons That's what these guys do. They love you and then stop lovin you.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Monster's Ball

Hope Amidst Uncertainty

Hank Grotowski I went by our station on the way home... I like that sign. I think we're gonna be alright.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Life in a Modest Bungalow

Ed Crane I lived in a little bungalow on Napa Street. The place was OK, I guess. It had an electric ice box, gas hearth, and a garbage grinder built into the sink. You might say I had it made.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Armageddon

Impending Catastrophe from Asteroid Impact

Dan Truman When the rogue ] went through the ], it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 11 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid itself hits the ], it's still hitting ], it'll flashboil millions of gallons of seawater and slam into the ] bedrock. Now if it's a ] impact, which we think it will be, it will create a tidal wave about three miles high, travelling a thousand miles an hour, covering ] and washing up in ]. ] is gone, ] is wiped out. Half of the ]'s population will be incinerated by the heat blast, the rest will freeze to death in a ].

[briefing Harry and Grace Stamper on the situation; [comet; [w:Asteroid_belt|asteroid belt; [water; [land; [Oceans|ocean; [Pacific Ocean; [California; [Denver; [Japan; [Australia; [Earth; [w:Nuclear_winter|nuclear winter]

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Sling Blade

Confrontation Over a Lawn Mower Blade

Doyle Hargraves What the hell you doing with that lawn mower blade?

Karl Childers I aim to kill you with it.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Negotiating Terms Among Thieves

Gin We split the dough right down the middle. Any merchendise you take, I get to look at and cherry pick.

Marcus No. Money is one thing but you ain't getting the sh...

Gin This ain't no Chinese menu, jagoff! I tell YOU how it's gonna be. This is ]!

[[w:prix fixe|pricks fix]

Willie Pricks fix?

Marcus Ah, he's a fucking moron.

Willie Oh really? Is that how you got the upper hand?

Marcus Fuck you.

Willie Negotiating?

Marcus You don't like it? Next year, fuck off. I can always get another box jockey.

Willie Yeah and I can get another midget too.

Marcus Yeah? Where? You see us hanging off of fucking trees like fucking crab apples?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Primary Colors

Crisis Management in Unlikely Situations

Susan Stanton What's the crisis?

Richard Jemmons Say you're out in the woods takin a shit, and a wild boar comes charging at you. Do you pull your britches up and run? Or do you pull your britches up and grab the doves you just shot and then try to run all at the same time? Or do you forget about the fuckin doves and run because you ain't got time to grab the doves and button your fly? And if you miss, well... you don't wanna die with your dick hanging out, you see what I'm sayin'?

Susan Stanton I think I speak for everyone in the room when I say "no".

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Bad Santa

Unexpected Discovery in Bad Santa Scene

Willie Oh shit.

[upon seeing the safe]

Marcus What? What?

Willie It's a Kintnerboy Redoubt.

Marcus So?

Willie Remember Andy Pitz?

Marcus Andy Pitzerelli, yeah.

Willie No, Andy Repitski. Andy Pitzerelli was Andy Blue Balls.

Marcus Since he got married they called him Andy Pitzerelli. What's your fucking point?

Willie Well they say he can get into anything. Anything. They say he's been in ]'s pussy.

[[Margaret Thatcher]

Marcus And that's a good thing? So what the fuck are you getting at?

Willie When I was in the joint with him, he told me the Kintnerboy Redoubt can't be cracked.

Marcus Are you shitting me? Are you telling me that after I propped you up, held you together, smiled for all those kids, danced for all those fuckin housewives in a fucking lime green fucking velvet elf costume, that you cannot crack this fucking safe? Is that what you telling me?

Willie No, I'm just saying it's gonna take a minute.

Sling Blade

Fatherhood and Acceptance in Unconventional Relationships

Karl Childers I don't reckon you have to go with women to be a good daddy to a boy. You been real square-dealin with me. The Bible says two men ought not lay together. But I don't reckon the Good Lord would send anybody like you to Hades. That Frank, he lives inside of his own heart. That's an awful big place to live in. You take good care of that boy.

[to Vaughn]

Sling Blade

Simple Thoughts on Everyday Needs

Vaughan Cunningham You seem like a thinker, you know. You seem to always be deep in thought. Okay, tell me something. What are you thinking right now?

Karl Childers I was thinking um, I'm gonna take some of these potaters home with me.

Vaughan Oh. How about before that?

Karl Let me think, mmm. Before that I was thinking I could use me another six or eight cans of that potted meat if you got any extra, mmm.

Bad Santa

Comedic Exclamation of Exaggerated Consequence

Willie Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! You ain't gonna shit right for a WEEK!

[while having sex]

Bad Santa

Santa's Job Described in Unconventional Terms

Sue You're pretty regular for a Santa.

Willie It's not that much of a big fucking deal. It's just a job, you know what I mean? I'm just an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus.

Sue Prove it.

Sue Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa!

Willie Can't I at least take this hat off?

Sue NO! I love the hat.

Willie Okay.

Pushing Tin

A Tall Tale About Wake Turbulence

Ron Hewitt Hey Russell, we hear this story, they say you stood on a runway in New Mexico and let a 747 part your hair with wake turbulence. That happen?

Russell Bell No.

Ron Hewitt That's what we thought.

Russell Bell No, that was in ].

[[w:Arizona|Arizona]

Barry Plotkin You really did that?

Russell Bell Yeah!

Barry Plotkin Why?

Russell Bell Well, I guess my life was a little short on excitement. Of course, all that's changed tonight.

Bad Santa

Santa Encounter During Lunch Break

Woman in Food Court Look who's here, Jimmy! It's Santa!

Willie Great. Fucking great.

[mutters to himself]

Woman in Food Court Let's tell him what you want for Christmas.

Willie I'M ON MY FUCKING LUNCH BREAK, OKAY?!

[turns to the woman and son]

Woman in Food Court Are you insane? Management's gonna hear about this.

[offended]

Willie Think that's a threat? You really think you can make my fucking life any worse, you go right ahead. Be my fucking guest. Take a shot.

Pushing Tin

The Perils of Overthinking

Russell Bell Thought is the enemy.

Nick Falzone I know. I've been thinking too much. I had that thought actually.

Primary Colors

Media Influence and Personal Resilience

Richard Jemmons The media giveth, and go fuck yourself

A Simple Plan

Commonality in Names Alone

Jacob Mitchell We don't have anything in common, me and him, except maybe our last name.

Sling Blade

A Perspective on Justice for Children

Karl Childers I don't think anything bad ought to happen to children. I think the bad stuff should be saved up for the people who's grown up. That's the way I see it.

Bad Santa

A Unconventional Letter from Santa

Willie Dear Kid, I hope that you got my present and that there wasn't too much blood on it, although there was blood on the presents you gave me, which didn't keep me from enjoying it, so maybe the blood doesn't matter so much, I guess. Just in case they took it as evidence, I'm also sending you a T-shirt. I hope it's the right size. I'm healing up good and they tell me that I will soon be 100%, even with eight bullets dug out of me cause they didn't hit any vital organs, just my liver, which is fucked anyway. Hahaha. Anyways, I told the cops you had no one to take the fuck care of you so they set it up with Ms. Santa's Sister to watch you til your dad gets back in one year and three months. They made her a guardian pro tem, or some such shit. Anyway, she makes better money than bartending and seems to like you, your house, and Jacuzzi. As for my little helper, I'm sorry to tell you that him and his prune-faced, mail-order wife are gonna be exploring mountains with your dad. I hope your dad doesn't go sucking shit for them like I did. Thank you for giving that letter to the cops, I forgot to ask you to do it, but it's a good thing you did or Santa's little helper would've plugged his ass, and now the cops know I wrote it, which is gonna keep my ass outta jail. That plus everyone agreeing that to Phoenix police department shooting an unarmed Santa was even more fucked up than Rodney King. Cops are treating me like fucking royalty now, which is new in my experience. They're gonna make me the sensitivity counselor, so that tragedies like this will never again embarrass the whole fucking department. Whatever. So I'll be staying in Phoenix now, telling the police how screwed up they are, which is not a bad job as jobs go. They're supposed to let me out of this hospital room soon, so I'll see you when I come over and fuck Ms. Santa's Sister in the jacuzzi. Until then, don't take no shit from nobody, least of all, yourself. Anyway, see you soon. Santa.

[in a letter to Thurman]

Sling Blade

Reflections on Violence and Justification

Marsha Dwiggins Will you ever kill anyone again, Karl?

Karl Childers I don't reckon I got no reason to kill nobody. Mmm.

Sling Blade

Acceptance of Differences in Appearance

Karl Childers I guess I am going to have to get used to lookin at perty people, and perty people going to have to get used to lookin at me.

Bad Santa

Conflict Over Santa's Replacement

Bob Chipeska Harrison, will you let me explain, please? Financially--

Fired Santa Well, you get what you paid for, Chipeska. Five Christmases I've been here, and no what. Now you flip me for some stranger who'll do it for peanuts and happens to work with a real midget. Well, let me tell you something, though: nobody cares! Nobody comes for the elf. Santa's main attraction. I do Burl Ives songs. Does this schmoe even play guitar?

Bob Chipeska Look, Harrison, it's not about the money or the midget. Believe me, if it was-- I don't think they like midget. I think you're supposed to call them--

Fired Santa Oh, just forget it! Hacks!

[Walks away as Willie and Marcus enters the store, then yells to them]

Bob Chipeska Hi. Bob Chipeska. Welcome. Great photo and resumè, by the way.

[to Marcus and Willie]

Marcus Thanks. You know, we've been at this for a long time and all, so we like to think we do a good job.

Bob Chipeska I'm so glad you two can come at such a short notice. You two are perfect for this job, truly.

Bob Chipeska So, I don't want his unpleasantness affect your performance in any way.

Marcus Oh, no, we--

Willie Performance?

Bob Chipeska Yes. Your performance. You know, the...

Willie Performance, like, sexual?

Bob Chipeska Excuse me?

Marcus Willie.

Willie Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me?

Bob Chipeska I'm sorry, your gear?

Marcus Willie...

Willie My fuck stick!

Marcus Willie, take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is.

Bob Chipeska He's not going to say "fuck stick" in front of the children, is he?

Marcus No! It was just a joke. An adult joke for us adults. It's a joke. Just a joke.

Bad Santa

Tension Between Partners Over Risky Decisions

Marcus That's just the kinda shit that's gonna get us pinched.

Willie She said she was 18.

Marcus But you promised no arcades! You said you'd only hustle Big and Tall.

Willie What, you shat me outta your womb? You're my fucking mom now? I don't need any goddamn lectures outta you. I know how to keep a low profile, thank you.

[unlocks the stolen BMW]

Marcus What the fuck is this, Mr. Low Profile?!

[referring to the car]

Willie Mind your own goddamn business.

[opens the driver's side door, and several empty beer bottles and cans spill out onto the ground. Willie gets in, starts the car and drives off]

Marcus Ever hear of the open-bottle law?!

[shouting after Willie]

A Simple Plan

Classy Choices in Dream Purchases

Lou Chambers What you gonna buy, Jakey boy?

Jacob Mitchell I'm gonna buy me a truck.

Lou Chambers No, fuck that. Get something classy – Trans-Am!

Jacob Mitchell Yeah, in my wildest fuckin dreams, a Trans-Am!

Armageddon

Emergency Protocols for Space Mission Review

Dan Truman ] flight center network after the space shuttle Atlantis is destroyed] Okay, I want three groups. One: internal malfunction; get the log tape and start working back; maybe it's a glitch. Two: I want NORAD, Space Command and the ] comparing all the space junk you tracked in every orbit. I want you to check, re-check and then do it all over again. Number three: wild cards, anything and everything alright? Now, Big Russ, I want you to get on the phone and wake up 11,000 people. Walt, get em going.

[addressing staff on the [[NASA; [w:50th_Space_Wing#50th_Tactical_Fighter_Wing|50th Tactical]

Billy Bob Thornton Quotes

Memorable Quotes from Billy Bob Thornton

find it. watch it.