David Herman Quotes - Best Lines & Interviews

Memorable Quotes from David Herman

11 quotes

Kicking & Screaming

A Neighborly Recognition Misunderstanding

Referee Where do I know you from?

Phil Weston I've been your neighbor for the seven years.

Referee No, that ain't it.

Phil Weston That's definitely it!

Referee I'll figure it out.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Impending Downsizing at Initech Discussed

Tom Smykowski I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it!

[gives Peter a printout of an email]

Michael Bolton What, it's a staff meeting. So what?

Tom Smykowski So, what? We're all screwed, that's what! They're gonna downsize Initech!

Samir Nagheenanajar What're you talking about, Tom? Now, how do you know that?

Tom Smykowski How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know! That's what this staff meeting's all about! It happened at Intitrode last year. You have to interview with this consultant; they call them "efficiency experts", but what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job!

Michael Bolton Tom, every week you say you're gonna lose your job, and you're still here.

Tom Smykowski Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office and stand in line with those SCUMBAGS!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dude, Where's My Car?

Ordering Food from the Intercom

Chinese Food Intercom Chinese Foooood, may I help you?

Jesse Yeah, I like to place an order.

Chinese Food Intercom Um, what you like?

Jesse Yeah, I like uh... three orders of ].

[[w:Honey garlic sauce|garlic chicken]

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse And then, three orders of ].

[[w:white rice|white rice]

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse And then... Oh hey, you guys want soup?

[''then he turns and asks Chester and Nelson'']

Chester & Nelson Sure.

Jesse Yeah, three orders of ].

[[w:Wonton|Wonton soup]

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse Oh, uh some ] too.

[[w:fortune cookie|fortune cookies]

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse Uh... naw I think that's about it.

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse No, that's it.

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse No and then, I... ...that's, that's all I want.

[''stutters'']

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse And then, and then um, and then um, and then nothin else cause I'm done ordering, okay?

[''Looks behind and then laughs'']

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Jesse Uh, uh, no, no, see all, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice.

Chinese Food Intercom Uh-huh, and then?

Chester And the soup dude.

Jesse Oh, and, and the Wonton soup.

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

Nelson And the Cookie's Fortune.

Jesse And, and the, and the fortune cookies yes so, it's just the uh, it's the... the chicken, the... rice, the soup and the Fortune cookies, and that's it.

Chinese Food Intercom And the...en?

Jesse And then uh, you can it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand cause I'm ready to eat.

[''Starts chuckling'']

Chinese Food Intercom An...nd the...en?

Jesse Hey, I refuse to play your Chinese Food mind games!

[''Gets irritated'']

Chinese Food Intercom An...nd the...en...?

Jesse NO! No "and then"!

[''Gets upset'']

Chinese Food Intercom And then?!

Jesse No "and then"!

Chinese Food Intercom An...nd the...en...?

[''Growls'']

Jesse You know, you're really starting to piss me off, lady!

[''Gets annoyed'']

Chinese Food Intercom And then?

[''Quietly'']

Jesse And then... I'm gonna come in there... and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!

[''laughs nervously''; ''grows livid''; ''Pause; Jesse almost gives in'']

Chinese Food Intercom And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!

[''Repeatedly''; ''Jesse angrily smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away'']

Chinese Food Intercom And then...?

[''Severely damaged'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Identity and Misunderstandings in Office Space

Female Temp Michael...Bolton?

[handing out letters; reads the name on one]

Michael Bolton Yeah, that's me.

[leans over to take the letter]

Female Temp Wow! Is that your real name?

Michael Bolton Yeah.

[takes the letter, goes back to his computer; answering as if he's heard the question so many times in his life, which he no doubt has had to do]

Female Temp So are you related to that singer guy?

Michael Bolton No. It's just a coincidence.

[politely; he smiles at her]

Female Temp Oh.

[visibly disappointed; she leaves]

Samir Nagheenanajar No-one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It..it's not that hard. Na-ghee-na-na-jar...Nagheenanajar.

Michael Bolton Well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

Samir Nagheenanajar You know, there is nothing wrong with that name.

Michael Bolton There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old and that no talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Samir Nagheenanajar Why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael.

Michael Bolton No way, why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Michael Bolton's Unfiltered Expression of Frustration

Michael Bolton Cockgobblers!

Kicking & Screaming

Authority and Accountability in a Soccer Game

Byong Sun Look at me! I'm the Ref! I'm the Ref!

Referee You little... give it back!

[chasing him]

Phil Weston Sorry about that.

[grabs it off Byong Sun and gives back]

Bald Soccer Dad How much do you think those are?

Phil Weston I have no idea.

Office Space

Confusion Over Ambiguous Language

Michael Bolton ]? What the fuck does that mean?

[[w:PC LOAD LETTER|PC LOAD LETTER]

Dude, Where's My Car?

A Dog's Lazy Lifestyle and Stoner Humor

Jesse Nelson, your dog's a stoner!

Chester Can he also ]?

[[w:Beer bong|bong a beer]

Nelson Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and ].

[[w:Pipe smoking|smoke his pipe]

Office Space

Frustration Over Musical Talent and Success

Michael Bolton There was nothing wrong with it ... until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

[his name]

Office Space

Questioning Career Aspirations and Realities

Peter Gibbons Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.

Samir Nagheenanajar So what did you say?

Peter Gibbons I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.

Michael Bolton No, you're working at Initech cause that question is bullshit to begin with. If everybody listened to her, there would be no janitors, because no one will clean shit up if they had a million dollars.

Samir Nagheenanajar (smiling) You know what I would do if I had million dollars? I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds, and then take the other half over to my friend Sadulach who works in Securities...

Michael Bolton Samir, Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would (the printer makes a discouraging sound and then stops) want, to do if.. (reads the printer's display) "PC load letter"?!! The fuck does that mean?!! (he lashes out and knocks a paper tray off)

Office Space

A comment on frustration and restraint

Michael Bolton That thing's lucky I'm not armed.

[Regarding the malfunctioning fax/copy machine]