Dude, Where's My Car? - Ordering Food from the Intercom
Chinese Food Intercom:
Chinese Foooood, may I help you?
Jesse:
Yeah, I like to place an order.
Chinese Food Intercom:
Um, what you like?
Jesse: [[w:Honey garlic sauce|garlic chicken]
Yeah, I like uh... three orders of ].
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse: [[w:white rice|white rice]
And then, three orders of ].
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse: [''then he turns and asks Chester and Nelson'']
And then... Oh hey, you guys want soup?
Chester & Nelson:
Sure.
Jesse: [[w:Wonton|Wonton soup]
Yeah, three orders of ].
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse: [[w:fortune cookie|fortune cookies]
Oh, uh some ] too.
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse:
Uh... naw I think that's about it.
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse:
No, that's it.
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse: [''stutters'']
No and then, I... ...that's, that's all I want.
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse: [''Looks behind and then laughs'']
And then, and then um, and then um, and then nothin else cause I'm done ordering, okay?
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Jesse:
Uh, uh, no, no, see all, all I want is the three orders of the garlic chicken and the three orders of the white rice.
Chinese Food Intercom:
Uh-huh, and then?
Chester:
And the soup dude.
Jesse:
Oh, and, and the Wonton soup.
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?
Nelson:
And the Cookie's Fortune.
Jesse:
And, and the, and the fortune cookies yes so, it's just the uh, it's the... the chicken, the... rice, the soup and the Fortune cookies, and that's it.
Chinese Food Intercom:
And the...en?
Jesse: [''Starts chuckling'']
And then uh, you can it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand cause I'm ready to eat.
Chinese Food Intercom:
An...nd the...en?
Jesse: [''Gets irritated'']
Hey, I refuse to play your Chinese Food mind games!
Chinese Food Intercom:
An...nd the...en...?
Jesse: [''Gets upset'']
NO! No "and then"!
Chinese Food Intercom:
And then?!
Jesse:
No "and then"!
Chinese Food Intercom: [''Growls'']
An...nd the...en...?
Jesse: [''Gets annoyed'']
You know, you're really starting to piss me off, lady!
Chinese Food Intercom: [''Quietly'']
And then?
Jesse: [''laughs nervously''; ''grows livid''; ''Pause; Jesse almost gives in'']
And then... I'm gonna come in there... and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY "AND THEN" AGAIN!
Chinese Food Intercom: [''Repeatedly''; ''Jesse angrily smashes the speaker box, but Chester and Nelson pull him back inside the car, and they drive away'']
And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!
Chinese Food Intercom: [''Severely damaged'']
And then...?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dude, Where's My Car? - A Dog's Lazy Lifestyle and Stoner Humor
Jesse:
Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
Chester: [[w:Beer bong|bong a beer]
Can he also ]?
Nelson: [[w:Pipe smoking|smoke his pipe]
Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and ].
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kicking & Screaming - Authority and Accountability in a Soccer Game
Byong Sun:
Look at me! I'm the Ref! I'm the Ref!
Referee: [chasing him]
You little... give it back!
Phil Weston: [grabs it off Byong Sun and gives back]
Sorry about that.
Bald Soccer Dad:
How much do you think those are?
Phil Weston:
I have no idea.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kicking & Screaming - A Neighborly Recognition Misunderstanding
Referee:
Where do I know you from?
Phil Weston:
I've been your neighbor for the seven years.
Referee:
No, that ain't it.
Phil Weston:
That's definitely it!
Referee:
I'll figure it out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - Impending Downsizing at Initech Discussed
Tom Smykowski: [gives Peter a printout of an email]
I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it!
Michael Bolton:
What, it's a staff meeting. So what?
Tom Smykowski:
So, what? We're all screwed, that's what! They're gonna downsize Initech!
Samir Nagheenanajar:
What're you talking about, Tom? Now, how do you know that?
Tom Smykowski:
How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know! That's what this staff meeting's all about! It happened at Intitrode last year. You have to interview with this consultant; they call them "efficiency experts", but what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job!
Michael Bolton:
Tom, every week you say you're gonna lose your job, and you're still here.
Tom Smykowski:
Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office and stand in line with those SCUMBAGS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - Questioning Career Aspirations and Realities
Peter Gibbons:
Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir Nagheenanajar:
So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons:
I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton:
No, you're working at Initech cause that question is bullshit to begin with. If everybody listened to her, there would be no janitors, because no one will clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Samir Nagheenanajar:
(smiling) You know what I would do if I had million dollars? I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds, and then take the other half over to my friend Sadulach who works in Securities...
Michael Bolton:
Samir, Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would (the printer makes a discouraging sound and then stops) want, to do if.. (reads the printer's display) "PC load letter"?!! The fuck does that mean?!! (he lashes out and knocks a paper tray off)
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - Identity and Misunderstandings in Office Space
Female Temp: [handing out letters; reads the name on one]
Michael...Bolton?
Michael Bolton: [leans over to take the letter]
Yeah, that's me.
Female Temp:
Wow! Is that your real name?
Michael Bolton: [takes the letter, goes back to his computer; answering as if he's heard the question so many times in his life, which he no doubt has had to do]
Yeah.
Female Temp:
So are you related to that singer guy?
Michael Bolton: [politely; he smiles at her]
No. It's just a coincidence.
Female Temp: [visibly disappointed; she leaves]
Oh.
Samir Nagheenanajar:
No-one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It..it's not that hard. Na-ghee-na-na-jar...Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton:
Well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir Nagheenanajar:
You know, there is nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton:
There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old and that no talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir Nagheenanajar:
Why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael.
Michael Bolton:
No way, why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - A comment on frustration and restraint
Michael Bolton: [Regarding the malfunctioning fax/copy machine]
That thing's lucky I'm not armed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - Confusion Over Ambiguous Language
Michael Bolton: [[w:PC LOAD LETTER|PC LOAD LETTER]
]? What the fuck does that mean?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - Frustration Over Musical Talent and Success
Michael Bolton: [his name]
There was nothing wrong with it ... until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Office Space - Michael Bolton's Unfiltered Expression of Frustration
Michael Bolton:
Cockgobblers!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.