Lost & Found - Facing Fears in Unexpected Places
Dylan Ramsey:
Remember what I said about conquering your fears up here? I was wrong. This place would scare me shitless! Look at all those seats!
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Lost & Found - A Humble Birthday Wish from Dylan Ramsey
Dylan Ramsey:
I know I'm no Neil Diamond. But happy birthday, anyway.
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Lost & Found - Observations on Flattery and Behavior
Dylan Ramsey: [Ubermann hangs up the phone]
Never have I seen anyone kiss ass like that.
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Lost & Found - Advice on Dating and Finances
Dylan Ramsey:
Never date a woman who pays her rent in singles.
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The Benchwarmers - K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider Appears in Scene
Clark:
This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.
Mel: [Mel activates the car with his watch]
It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.
K.I.T.T:
Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.
Richie: [to Mel]
Who are you?
Mel:
Oh, I'm just once of those nerds who grew up...to make billions.
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The Benchwarmers - Debate Over Rules in a Baseball Game
Kid catcher:
One out! Gonna be two outs!
Richie:
Yeah, I bet you're a really good catcher...of doughnuts in your mouth.
Kid catcher:
I caught it. You're out.
Richie:
But I ticked it! It hit the bat!
Kid catcher:
You're still out.
Richie:
You're still fat!
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The Benchwarmers - Commitment to Integrity in Friendship
Richie:
Clark, we don't play baseball.
Clark:
I told Gus we'd be there, Richie. And if we don't go, that makes me a liar. And that's not what I'm about. Not now, NOT EVER!
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The Benchwarmers - Conversations About Relationships and Personal Lives
Mel:
Now, Richie, do you have any kids?
Richie:
Never had a date.
Mel:
Clark?
Clark:
Never spoke to a girl.
Mel: [Pauses a bit, realizing that what Clark said was weird]
Gu... Gus?
Gus:
Uh, my wife and I are kind of working on it.
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The Benchwarmers - A Playful Exchange Among Friends
Brad:
Clark? Richie? I hardly recognize you two clowns without the underwear on your head!
Richie:
Brad, wow, you have really not slimmed down.
Brad:
Oh, eat me! So I hear from Jerry that you tools think your atheletes now?
Richie:
That's funny. I didn't know athlete had three sylables. Ath-a-lete! Thats ama-z-zing!
Brad:
You think your hot shit cause you know words!
Clark:
Hey, Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us toward the register? Or register-er!
Brad:
My team practices today at 5! Swing by if you she-men want to lose!
Richie:
You can't handle the truth!
Brad:
Bring it!
Clark:
SUCK IT!
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The Benchwarmers - Miscommunication Among Friends
Clark:
Gus!
Richie:
Gus!
Clark:
He can't hear us.
Richie: [Falls on the ground]
Ohh! Ah...
Gus: [Finally hearing them; Walks over to them]
Hey fellas. You okay, Richie?
Richie: [Standing up]
Yeah, I'm fine, just... purple nuts.
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Joe Dirt - A Desire for Distance and Disinterest
Joe Dirt:
I don't care about this, and I don't care about these! And I hope I never see you again for the next twenty-five years!
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Joe Dirt - Fireworks Stand Inventory Inquiry
Joe Dirt:
You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?
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Joe Dirt - Unexpected Comparison of Faces and Posteriors
Joe Dirt:
My face and your ass... I mean, your ass and my face.
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Joe Dirt - Applying Lotion for Skin Care
Joe Dirt:
I'm puttin the lotion on the skin!
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Joe Dirt - Unexpected Messiness in Joe Dirt's Life
Joe Dirt:
I got the poo on me!!
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Joe Dirt - Innocent comment about visibility
Joe Dirt: [while on air balloon]
I can see down your shirt!
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Joe Dirt - Injury and Misunderstanding of Pain
Joe Dirt:
I thought I had broken my ass bone!
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Joe Dirt - A Call to Practice and Patience
Joe Dirt:
Why don't you go practice fallin down, I'll be there in a minute.
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Joe Dirt - A Unique Challenge for a Fight
Joe Dirt:
You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?
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Joe Dirt - A Humorous Twist on Misfortune
Joe Dirt:
Luckily, my neck broke my fall.
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Joe Dirt - Everything can be fixed with time.
Joe Dirt:
That shit'll buff out.
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Joe Dirt - Inappropriate Comments on Family Dynamics
Joe Dirt: [To himself]
YOU JUST SAID YOUR SISTER WAS HOT. WHAT A FUH-REAK. You're goin to Hell, man, but it was worth it.
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Joe Dirt - Three Rules for Dealing with Crocodiles
Joe Dirt:
There are three rules when dealin with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two.
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Joe Dirt - Finding Home in Unexpected Places
Joe Dirt: [Joe falls off a swing]
And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feelin that Brandy was lookin up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.
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Joe Dirt - Joe Dirt's Unique Name Explanation
Joe Dirt:
My name is Joe Dirté. I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.
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Joe Dirt - Joe Dirt's Assurance of Gentleness
Joe Dirt: [Trying to scrape Charlie the dog's testicles off the frozen porch]
Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look.
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Joe Dirt - Joe Dirt's Challenge to Speak Up
Joe Dirt: [puts up fists]
You guys got somethin to say to me? Why don't you say it in the microphone. I got a backup mic right here. Check one two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin and guess what? They don't like no feedback, what's up?
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Joe Dirt - Identity in a playful declaration
Joe Dirt:
Right on! You're Joe Meteorite and I'm Joe Dirt.
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Joe Dirt - Perseverance in Adversity
Joe Dirt:
Ya gotta keep on, keepin on.
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Joe Dirt - Communication Tips from Joe Dirt
Joe Dirt:
Say it, don't spray it brother. Dang!
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Joe Dirt - Joe Dirt's Insight on His Situation
Joe Dirt:
It puts the Joe Dirt in the hole.
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Joe Dirt - Questioning Preferences in a Casual Manner
Joe Dirt:
You like to see homos naked?
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Joe Dirt - Seeking Connection in a New Place
Joe Dirt:
I'm new in town, kinda lonely, lookin for my parents.
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Joe Dirt - Embracing Life's Challenges and Opportunities
Joe Dirt:
Life's a garden. Dig it!
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Joe Dirt - Identity Through Rock Music Preferences
Joe Dirt:
I'm a rocker, dude, through and through. Here's my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep...
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Joe Dirt - Joe Dirt's Optimism for the Future
Joe Dirt:
Things are gonna happen for me. I'm Joe Dirt!
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Tommy Boy - Unexpected Consequences of Clumsy Actions
Richard Hayden:
Ugh, I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. Ugh, I think they're pissed.
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Tommy Boy - Humorous Take on Cleanup Challenges
Richard Hayden:
Ugh, why do you always have to de-turd these things? Look at this one, caught him after Thanksgiving feast, I think I'm gonna need a pooperscooper.
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Tommy Boy - Comment on a character's intelligence
Richard Hayden:
He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?
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Tommy Boy - Humorous Safety Briefing with Tommy
Richard Hayden:
Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid. Exits, okay, there's one back here, and there's uh, probably one over by the wing somewhere, usually. And what about seatbelts? To fasten, take the little end stick it in the big end and... hey, know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button, and Tommy will come back there and hit you over the head with a tack hammer because you are a retard. Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.
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Tommy Boy - Searching for Directions in McKeesport
Richard Hayden: [points to Tommy]
It's the next town, tons-of-fun. It's got to be there. Okay, where's Moron? Okay, Moron's here, so McKeesport...
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Tommy Boy - Understanding Reading and Language Basics
Richard Hayden:
It's called reading, you know, top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.
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Tommy Boy - Critique of Weight Gain
Richard Hayden: [After watching Tommy wolf down fries and squirt ketchup into his mouth]
Ugh! I can actually hear you getting fatter .
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Grown Ups 2 - Frat House Tensions Escalate Among Characters
Roxanne Feder:
Excuse me, why are you here? What's the matter?
Frat Boy Milo: [mocking Roxanne; frat boys laugh, speaking in normal accent; all frat boys yell "Yeah!"]
I tell you what is the matter. These old townies trashed our frat house! And nobody treats our good-times headquarters with disrespect!
Braden Higgins:
They didn't do it. Me do it.
Frat Boy Milo:
Don't try and cover for him, Z-Dog!
Lenny Feder:
Who's Z-Dog?
Frat Boy Andy:
We know they're trying to get back at us for making them do the naked plunge in our swimming hole.
Deanne McKenzie:
Your swimming hole? I've been swimming at the quarry since I was eight years old.
Frat Boy Andy: [all frat boys cheer, Andy and Milo do their handshake, but stop in the middle]
Apparently, everybody in this crap town has been swimming there since they were eight years old. I guess nobody wants to leave this dump because they're too busy sucking! We'll finish later.
Frat Boy Milo:
You promise?
Frat Boy Andy: [touching Milo's cheek]
I promise.
Frat Boy Milo:
Okay.
Dickey Bailey: [looks at Lenny, who nods of approval, Dickey raises his beer, and takes a drink]
Hey, smart guy! Lenny Feder left this town, moved to Hollywood, made big bucks, probably more money than all you brainiacs put together ever will. But guess what? He came back here. Cause this beautiful town is his home. And it always will be his home.
Frat Boy Milo: [frat boys cheer, Milo turns around and bends over, and Andy slaps his butt three times]
Well, that was just a moving testament to this community, bro! But we didn't come here to hear any lame speeches. We came here to kick some old, smelly ass!
Lenny Feder:
Fellas, we may be old.
Marcus Higgins:
We may be smelly.
Deanne McKenzie: [she, Roxanne, and a drunk woman point at Beefcake Kitty]
We may have a penis.
Eric Lamonsoff:
But the only ones getting their ass kicked around here is gonna be you spoiled, privileged, uppity, preppy D-bags.
Kurt McKenzie: [everyone starts fighting]
You hear that? Now let's get BUSY!!
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