Ed O'Neill Quotes

Kevin O'Shea Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Are you nuts?

Rudy Zolteck It's still good!

Kevin O'Shea You'll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox, son. What are those?

Butz Cheetos.

Kevin O'Shea Crunchy or Puffed?

Butz Puffed.

Kevin O'Shea Whimp.

Burch She dyed her hair. They see that red hair, what do they do, her hair grows out, when they see that red hair? Somebody recognizes her? What do they do when they realize who they took?

Scott They kill her.

Burch You're fuckin'-A right, they kill her.

Burch What about if we had to go off the meter? I need a man, a man who can unquestioningly follow orders.

Scott The door is closed sir.

Burch I need to ask you to do something.

Scott I am here to get the girl back, sir. And there is nothing I will not do to get the girl back.

Glen the Manager Anything wrong, Davy?

Davy Yeah, I got paid today.

Glen Yeah, I know what that's like.

Davy No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these.

Glen Yeah, I know how that feels.

Davy Know what I'd like to do?

Glen Yeah, I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.

Davy Actually, I was thinking of filing a grievance with the union.

Glen Well...the world's a twisted place.

Danny O'Shea This whole town may love you, but I'm the only one who knows how truly sick you are!

Kevin O'Shea I treated you like a prince!

Danny O'Shea You ignored me!

Kevin O'Shea I took you to see the Cleveland Indians!

Danny O'Shea You left me at the stadium!

Kevin O'Shea Ahh!

Official Personal Foul, number 32, white!

Spike What?! Are you crazy, what kind of a call is that?!

Jake "Berminator" Berman That wasn't very nice you big bully!

Kevin O'Shea Hammersmith? If that kid of yours pulls another stunt like that, you're both out of here.

Mike Hammersmith Hey, come on! I thought you wanted to win!

Kevin O'Shea Not like that.

Mike Hammersmith Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. What's that cheerleader doing with a helmet on?

Kevin O'Shea That's no cheerleader. That's my niece, Becky. She's pissed.

Mr. Klein If we all do our jobs, we will each be rewarded according to our just desserts.

FBI Team Leader It's an interesting setup, Mr. Ross. It is the ] on the books. The Spanish Prisoner. Fellow says him and his sister, wealthy refugees, left a fortune in the home country. He got out, girl and the money stuck in Spain. Here is her most beautiful portrait. And he needs money to get her and the fortune out. Man who supplies the money gets the fortune and the girl. Oldest con in the world.

Brannigan There he is, the best nose on the force. He could stick that snout in the wind right now and lead you to a stash in the middle of Tijuana.

Dooley Listen, I gotta be up front with you. I got a real bad feeling about this dog.

Brannigan Hey, tough shit. That's all I got. Not I want you to take care.

Dooley Don't worry about the dog.

Brannigan It's not the dog I'm worried about.