Wet Hot American Summer - A Promise to Reunite in Ten Years
Susie:
You guys, I'm really gonna miss this place.
Coop:
Me, too.
Ben:
Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Lindsay:
Yeah!
Ben:
What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.:
You mean ten years from now?
Ben:
Yeah.
Coop:
Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie:
Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00 or 9:30?
Coop:
Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley:
Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30? I mean, we're all gonna be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary:
Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together:
Agreed.
McKinley:
Great, cause I have something at 11:00.
Gary:
You've just got like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley:
No, I just, I have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wet Hot American Summer - Misunderstanding Between Friends About Writing
Lindsay:
Hey, what'cha writin on?
Andy:
My gurnal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
Lindsay:
Oh, you mean a journal?
Andy:
Yeah, whatever. Guess I'm not all smart like you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wet Hot American Summer - Compliments Between Andy and Lindsay
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - A Misunderstanding Over Lunch Plans
Impound Woman:
Are you trying to bribe me?
Meghan:
No.
Impound Woman: [[w:Quiznos|Quiznos]
That's a shame. You know, I'm thinking ] for lunch today.
Meghan:
How much?
Impound Woman:
$500.
Meghan:
Quiznos does not cost $500!
Meghan:
Fuck!... This!
Meghan:
Yeah! Suck it, lady!
Meghan:
Come on. Go. Come on. Go. Come on. Go, go, go, go. Come on. Come on. No, no, no, no, no.
Gordon:
I know you. You're stuck again.
Meghan:
You gonna--
Gordon:
Hi. I'm Gordon. I'm-- From last night. How you doing?
Meghan:
How you doing?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - A Day of Unfortunate Events and Help
Boy: [[w:Bicycle|bike]
Lady, what are you doing with my ]?
Meghan:
I'm really, really sorry. But I'm gonna need to borrow your bike. I got to get to my car. I got to get my life back. Have you ever had one of those days... where everything you do just goes wrong? And no matter how hard you try or how good your intentions, life just keeps beating, beating you down, huh? Well, I could really use a friend right now. So if you just let me borrow your bike, I'll have it back to you in no time. Really, I promise. It would just be so great if you could help me out.
Boy: [Sighs]
Okay.
Meghan:
Oh, kid. You're an angel.
Boy: [[w:Breast fetishism|Show me your boobs; [w:Breast|Boobies]
] and I'll let you borrow my bike. ].
Meghan: [''Pushes boy in the forehead and rides away on bike'']
I had higher hopes for you. Yeah, let's go. Get over here. Come on. All right, get in close. Close your eyes first. I'm calling your mother!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - Confrontation Over Shame in Public Space
Old woman: [''To Meghan riding on bus without paying fare'']
Shame.
Meghan:
Are-- Are you talking to me?
Old woman:
Have you no shame?
Meghan:
I don't know who you think you are, Judgey Judgey Judgeyson,
Old woman:
Why don't you get your pimp to drive you? These are good people!
Meghan:
Oh, I'm sorry. I missed the sign "good people only." How do you know what is in my soul?
Bus driver:
Listen. I'm gonna give you some advice.
Meghan:
Sure.
Bus driver:
You might wanna think about another line of work, cause you ain't no good at this. If you ain't even got $1.50, you probably should think about retiring as a whore. And if you do scrape up $1.50, use it to buy yourself a sandwich. That's the reason you can't turn no tricks-- cause you ain't got no meat on your bones. Now, that advice was free.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - A Proposal in Unlikely Circumstances
Meghan:
Hey, I don't wanna waste anyone's time. I'm gonna assume that you're a crack dealer. And, um, I was wondering if you wanted a little more...
Figueroa dealer:
A little more what?
Meghan: [Whispering]
A little more crack. You know, like, maybe I could cash it in for some money.
Figueroa dealer:
You wanna sell me crack?
Meghan:
Well, I technically don't wanna sell it because I think that that's wrong. But I was hoping that maybe make a return or something.
Figueroa dealer:
Oh. Okay. A return. Yeah. You got the receipt? The, Uh, or maybe the box it came in?
Meghan:
Oh, come on, man, I just have the crack.
Figueroa dealer:
Oh, you just got the crack?
Meghan:
Yeah, that's all I have. And I just thought, you know, you could add it to your stash...
Figueroa dealer:
Uh-huh.
Meghan:
...give me, like, 10 bucks, and then you can sell it for more, and that's good business.
Figueroa dealer: [[w:McDonalds's|McDonald's; [w:hamburgers|hamburgers]
You don't walk into ] with your own ]... and try to sell it to em. You know why? Because they already got their own hamburgers. They're not gonna look at your hamburgers and be like, "Oh, shit. She's got hamburgers. That looks like a good deal. Maybe I could buy em, turn around and sell em for twice as much.
Meghan:
Crack is all the same, right? It's just this little thing.
Figueroa dealer:
Put that shit away. What the fuck you doing, trying to set me up?
Meghan:
I'm saying that it would be very easy to pass off as your own crack. It's probably all from the same place, isn't it? I technically got it from Pookie who, I'm sure, got it from Scrilla.
Figueroa dealer:
Scrilla?
Meghan:
Yeah, yeah. It's his crack.
Figueroa dealer: [''Whistles'']
You wanna unload Scrilla's shit on my corner, pass it off as my own? You got a death wish, lady? Yo, Ladeke!
Meghan: [''Starts running'']
What?! Who's Ladeke?!
Figueroa dealer: [''To Meghan'']
Deal with this shit! School this bitch right now! You're in the wrong territory! This is the Figueroa Crew, man!
Meghan:
I'm going!
Figueroa dealer:
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not done with you!
Meghan: [''Spots city transit bus''; ''Runs after bus'']
I'm getting on the bus!
Figueroa dealer:
Come back here, man. You wanna disrespect me? Yo, Ladeke, what am I, a sparrow? When I whistle, you got to respond!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - A Heartfelt Offer from Pookie
Meghan:
Pookie, I can't take your crack.
Pookie:
It's worth about $10 on the street. But don't smoke it. It normally doesn't end well, at least for me.
Meghan:
Pookie, I cannot take your crack.
Pookie:
No. No, no. I insist. Please. When a crackhead gives you his crack, you have his heart right there. Just remember, shout out your boy Pookie next time you're on air, okay?
Meghan: [''Starts walking away'']
Um, okay.
Pookie:
And don't forget to shout out Scrilla and Hulk--
Meghan: [''Continues walking]
Yup. ]
Pookie:
and Skip, Skip-a-doo, Treezy, B-Bow-- not to be confused with G-Bow-- Little Markeese and also my Uncle Joseph.
Meghan: [''Continues walking'']
Sure.
Pookie: [[w:California Institution for Men|locked down in Chino]
He's ].
Meghan: [''Continues walking'']
Okay.
Pookie:
Oh, and Meghan Miles?
Meghan: [Really far away]
Yeah?
Pookie:
Be well.
Meghan: [Continues walking]
Be well too.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - Misunderstandings in a Challenging Situation
Scrilla: [[w:crack cocaine|crack; [w:neighbourhood|'hood]
Why the hell would KZLA's Meghan Miles be sucking dick for ] in our ]?
Meghan:
No, no, I'm not sucking dick for crack.
Hulk:
What you're sucking dick for then?
Meghan:
Nothing!
Hulk:
That shit's free?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - Confrontation with Authority and Responsibility
Officer Walter: [[w:prostitution|modern... female entrepreneurs]
I have nothing against... uh, ].
Sergeant Dave:
Do not approach the vehicle. Ma'am, what you're doing is the opposite... of not approaching the vehicle.
Meghan:
But I didn't do anything wrong.
Sergeant Dave: [[w:paperboy|Just wrapping up your paper route]
Really? You haven't done anything wrong? What, are you going out to get some eggs? ]? It's time to grow up.
Officer Walter: [[w:fellatio|Don't be on your knees]
]. Off his streets and grow the fuck up, okay?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Walk of Shame - A Night Out with Friends
Rose:
I can't wait to get my drink on. And get my dance on. And... Just those two things. Denise.
Denise:
What?
Rose:
Meghan. Meghan! Meghan Miles. Either she's not home or she's ignoring us.
Denise:
Or she's incapacitated, tied up... or maybe she had a stroke or a seizure or something.
Rose: [[w:Brentwood, Los Angeles|Brentwood]
Denise, this is ]. Nothing bad ever happens in Brent... Oh, my God, O.J. Simpson. I just remembered that. Yeah.
Denise:
Meghan! It's open.
Rose: [[w:Texas|Texas]
Honey, you are not back on the farm in ]. You cannot just leave your door unlocked.
Meghan:
Hey, party girls. What's up? What do you want to drink? I have tap water. Wait.
Rose:
Wait, what's going on? Where's Kyle?
Meghan:
He's at the supermarket.
Rose:
And, um, where's all your stuff?
Meghan:
Oh. Um... Kyle took it all to the supermarket. The supermercado. He's gone. He, um... He said he didn't know who I was anymore, and then he left and he took everything.
Rose:
That's so weird. When is he coming back? Why did you not tell us?
Meghan:
I don't know. I'm sorry. Rosie, I just...
Rose:
Yeah, but, honey, we're your friends. We're not gonna judge you.
Meghan:
Hang on. It's Dan.
Boss:
Meghan, don't freak out, but they're going with Wendy Chang. Meghan, are you okay?
Meghan:
Chang!
Denise:
This is such a terrible time for Kyle to not be here.
Rose:
Denise, shut up.
Meghan:
They gave it to Wendy Chang. She's an anchor in San Francisco.
Rose:
There you go, honey. That's a diversity hire. Asian. What can you do about that?
Meghan:
She's not even Asian. She's adopted. She has red fucking hair. I'm sorry. That was mean. Good for her. No.
Rose:
Screw Chang. You are the best.
Denise:
Yeah. No one reads the news like you, Meghan.
Rose:
We're going to sit down and come up with a plan to fix your life. Okay, guys, no more pity party.
Meghan: [[w:American Idol|Idol]
It's fine.So go. I'll be fine. I'm just gonna stay here and catch up on ].
Rose:
No! We're not gonna leave you here. You don't even have your dog.
Meghan:
Technically, it was Kyle's dog.
Denise:
Who cares? Forget it. Get a cat.
Meghan:
Ew. That's gross. Cats hate me.You know that.
Denise:
People say cats are clean, but they're really filthy.
Meghan:
I am sorry, okay? Whatever.
Rose: [[w:misandry|you're gonna take all your anger and aggression out on his penis]
I'm gonna take you to a club, you're gonna meet some young stupid hot guy, and ].
Meghan: [[w:Courtship|a relationship type of girl]
I don't know, I don't do that with penises. I'm more of ].
Rose:
We're taking you out. Come on. Let's go.
Denise:
Fine, but I'm wearing these sweatpants.
Rose:
No. You're gonna wear something slutty, like Denise.
Denise:
I don't own anything slutty like Denise.
Rose:
Denise, give Meghan your dress.
Denise:
But...
Rose:
No buts. You can wear one of her pantsuits.
Denise:
Ew. Ew.
Meghan:
Why is it so loud in here?
Rose:
Isn't it great? This is what you need.
Meghan:
Shots time. Already?
Rose:
Yup, that's right. Throw it back. Unless you're too soft.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
W. - A Playful Exchange Between George and Laura Bush
George W. Bush:
Now I don't believe in forcing myself on people, so I'm just gonna ask for your phone number, not your vote.
Laura Bush: [laughs]
You're a devil! Devil in a white hat!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
W. - Legacy of Presidential Sons in History
George W. Bush:
Who's ever remembered the son of a president?
Laura Bush: [[John Quincy Adams]
]!
George W. Bush:
Yeah, but that was like, 300 years ago, wasn't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Slither - Regrets of a Missed Opportunity
Starla Grant:
Bet you regret not running off with me to Hollywood now, hey, Bill?
Bill Pardy:
Oh, hell, Starla, I always regretted that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Slither - Commitment in Difficult Times
Starla Grant: [to a transformed Grant]
You're just sick. We're just here to take you to get some help. Right now. And I'm gonna stay by you. Just like I swore I would. For better or worse.
Bill Pardy:
Much fuckin worse...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Slither - Childhood Memories and Aspirations Unfulfilled
Bill Pardy:
Hey, Starla. You remember that time we were kids and you came knocking on my window in the middle of the night? So Starla here, 12. I guess I was 14. I said, "Starla, what the hell are you doing out there?" She says that she's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star. And she knew I was in the ROTC, so she says she needs a bodyguard and invites me to come along. And I said, "Starla, if there's anyone who can take care of herself, "I think it's you. I'm gonna have to decline.
Wally Whale:
How far did you get?
Starla Grant:
About the bus stop. Because Ranger Rick here called my dad.
Wally Whale:
Damn. A cop from the get-go. You son of a bitch!
Starla Grant:
You fucked up our fame and fortune there, Bill Pardy.
Bill Pardy:
Yeah. Yeah, I guess maybe I did.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Slither - Evolution and Survival in a Changing World
Starla Grant:
When Darwin said "fittest," he didn't necessarily mean the strongest, or the most intelligent, or any one trait. He merely meant those organisms most well-suited to their environments. Now, we humans, we think we're more fit, more evolved, because we're smarter. But we're neophytes. We've only been on this Earth two million years, give or take. The cockroach, that fellow's been around 350 million years. So, based on that, which of us is the more successful species?
Brenda: [as the alien slugs tear her apart on the inside]
Those little fuckers are tearing me apart!
Tourneur:
He looks likes something that fell off my dick during the war.
Kylie Strutemyer:
His real face looks like a needle. But he's always got another. He goes from place to place, worids, planets, killing them. Some he gets pregnant, others he just takes over with his worms. And the rest he eats till they're gone. Now he's here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Brightburn - Conflict Over Accusations of Violence
Tori:
Erica, he said he's sorry. It was an accident. They're just kids.
Erica:
Did you see my daughter's hand? He's a goddamn animal is what he is.
Kyle:
Okay, can we just calm down here Erica, please?
Erica:
I want him in handcuffs and I want him gone.
Principal:
We are taking action. He's going to be suspended for two days.
Erica:
Suspended? Do your job. Arrest him!
Sheriff Deever:
I'm sorry, ma'am. That's not your call.
Tori Breyer:
After the suspension, he will be in regular sessions with our school guidance counselor, Miss Merilee.
Erica:
His aunt. OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
Principal:
Right, now she's the only counselor...
Erica:
You know what, her son was inside my daughter's bedroom last Saturday.
Kyle:
He wasn't.
Erica:
He's a pervert.
Kyle Breyer:
He was camping with us.
Erica:
He's sick!
Kyle:
He was 30 miles from your house, okay Erica.
Erica:
Do you even know who his real mother is?
Tori:
I'm his real mother!
Erica:
I meant whatever inbred psycho gave birth to him.
Kyle:
Hey!
Tori:
I know exactly what you meant. You're trash-talking a 12-year-old child lest you sleep better at night, Erica. Maybe you're the one who needs help.
Tori Breyer: [to Erica]
Sorry about your daughter.
Tori Breyer: [to Brandon]
Get up. Let's go.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Brightburn - Belief in Inner Goodness
Tori Breyer: [to Brandon]
Whatever you've done, I know there is good inside you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The 40 Year Old Virgin - Uncertainty in Seeking Help
Beth:
Can I help you?
Andy: [remembering Cal's advice to only ask questions when talking to a woman]
I don't know. Can you?
Beth:
Are you looking for something?
Andy:
Is there something I should be looking for?
Beth:
We have a lot of books. So, maybe it depends on what you like.
Andy:
What do you like?
Beth:
We have a great section of...do-it-yourself.
Andy:
Do you like to "do it yourself"?
Beth:
Sometimes. I mean...if the mood strikes.
Andy:
How is the mood striking you now?
Beth:
What's your name?
Andy:
What's your name?
Beth:
I'm Beth.
Andy:
Andy.
Beth:
Andy. Don't tell on me, okay, Andy?
Andy:
I won't. Unless you want to be told on...Beth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.