Memorable Quotes from Elizabeth Banks
20 quotesMisunderstandings in a Challenging Situation
Scrilla
Why the hell would KZLA's Meghan Miles be sucking dick for ] in our ]?
[[w:crack cocaine|crack; [w:neighbourhood|'hood]
Meghan
No, no, I'm not sucking dick for crack.
Hulk
What you're sucking dick for then?
Meghan
Nothing!
Hulk
That shit's free?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Childhood Memories and Aspirations Unfulfilled
Bill Pardy
Hey, Starla. You remember that time we were kids and you came knocking on my window in the middle of the night? So Starla here, 12. I guess I was 14. I said, "Starla, what the hell are you doing out there?" She says that she's gonna run away to Hollywood and be a big star. And she knew I was in the ROTC, so she says she needs a bodyguard and invites me to come along. And I said, "Starla, if there's anyone who can take care of herself, "I think it's you. I'm gonna have to decline.
Wally Whale
How far did you get?
Starla Grant
About the bus stop. Because Ranger Rick here called my dad.
Wally Whale
Damn. A cop from the get-go. You son of a bitch!
Starla Grant
You fucked up our fame and fortune there, Bill Pardy.
Bill Pardy
Yeah. Yeah, I guess maybe I did.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Seeking Help
Beth
Can I help you?
Andy
I don't know. Can you?
[remembering Cal's advice to only ask questions when talking to a woman]
Beth
Are you looking for something?
Andy
Is there something I should be looking for?
Beth
We have a lot of books. So, maybe it depends on what you like.
Andy
What do you like?
Beth
We have a great section of...do-it-yourself.
Andy
Do you like to "do it yourself"?
Beth
Sometimes. I mean...if the mood strikes.
Andy
How is the mood striking you now?
Beth
What's your name?
Andy
What's your name?
Beth
I'm Beth.
Andy
Andy.
Beth
Andy. Don't tell on me, okay, Andy?
Andy
I won't. Unless you want to be told on...Beth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Night Out with Friends
Rose
I can't wait to get my drink on. And get my dance on. And... Just those two things. Denise.
Denise
What?
Rose
Meghan. Meghan! Meghan Miles. Either she's not home or she's ignoring us.
Denise
Or she's incapacitated, tied up... or maybe she had a stroke or a seizure or something.
Rose
Denise, this is ]. Nothing bad ever happens in Brent... Oh, my God, O.J. Simpson. I just remembered that. Yeah.
[[w:Brentwood, Los Angeles|Brentwood]
Denise
Meghan! It's open.
Rose
Honey, you are not back on the farm in ]. You cannot just leave your door unlocked.
[[w:Texas|Texas]
Meghan
Hey, party girls. What's up? What do you want to drink? I have tap water. Wait.
Rose
Wait, what's going on? Where's Kyle?
Meghan
He's at the supermarket.
Rose
And, um, where's all your stuff?
Meghan
Oh. Um... Kyle took it all to the supermarket. The supermercado. He's gone. He, um... He said he didn't know who I was anymore, and then he left and he took everything.
Rose
That's so weird. When is he coming back? Why did you not tell us?
Meghan
I don't know. I'm sorry. Rosie, I just...
Rose
Yeah, but, honey, we're your friends. We're not gonna judge you.
Meghan
Hang on. It's Dan.
Boss
Meghan, don't freak out, but they're going with Wendy Chang. Meghan, are you okay?
Meghan
Chang!
Denise
This is such a terrible time for Kyle to not be here.
Rose
Denise, shut up.
Meghan
They gave it to Wendy Chang. She's an anchor in San Francisco.
Rose
There you go, honey. That's a diversity hire. Asian. What can you do about that?
Meghan
She's not even Asian. She's adopted. She has red fucking hair. I'm sorry. That was mean. Good for her. No.
Rose
Screw Chang. You are the best.
Denise
Yeah. No one reads the news like you, Meghan.
Rose
We're going to sit down and come up with a plan to fix your life. Okay, guys, no more pity party.
Meghan
It's fine.So go. I'll be fine. I'm just gonna stay here and catch up on ].
[[w:American Idol|Idol]
Rose
No! We're not gonna leave you here. You don't even have your dog.
Meghan
Technically, it was Kyle's dog.
Denise
Who cares? Forget it. Get a cat.
Meghan
Ew. That's gross. Cats hate me.You know that.
Denise
People say cats are clean, but they're really filthy.
Meghan
I am sorry, okay? Whatever.
Rose
I'm gonna take you to a club, you're gonna meet some young stupid hot guy, and ].
[[w:misandry|you're gonna take all your anger and aggression out on his penis]
Meghan
I don't know, I don't do that with penises. I'm more of ].
[[w:Courtship|a relationship type of girl]
Rose
We're taking you out. Come on. Let's go.
Denise
Fine, but I'm wearing these sweatpants.
Rose
No. You're gonna wear something slutty, like Denise.
Denise
I don't own anything slutty like Denise.
Rose
Denise, give Meghan your dress.
Denise
But...
Rose
No buts. You can wear one of her pantsuits.
Denise
Ew. Ew.
Meghan
Why is it so loud in here?
Rose
Isn't it great? This is what you need.
Meghan
Shots time. Already?
Rose
Yup, that's right. Throw it back. Unless you're too soft.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Promise to Reunite in Ten Years
Susie
You guys, I'm really gonna miss this place.
Coop
Me, too.
Ben
Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Lindsay
Yeah!
Ben
What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.
You mean ten years from now?
Ben
Yeah.
Coop
Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie
Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00 or 9:30?
Coop
Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley
Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here at 9:30? I mean, we're all gonna be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary
Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
Together
Agreed.
McKinley
Great, cause I have something at 11:00.
Gary
You've just got like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley
No, I just, I have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange Between George and Laura Bush
George W. Bush
Now I don't believe in forcing myself on people, so I'm just gonna ask for your phone number, not your vote.
Laura Bush
You're a devil! Devil in a white hat!
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Accusations of Violence
Tori
Erica, he said he's sorry. It was an accident. They're just kids.
Erica
Did you see my daughter's hand? He's a goddamn animal is what he is.
Kyle
Okay, can we just calm down here Erica, please?
Erica
I want him in handcuffs and I want him gone.
Principal
We are taking action. He's going to be suspended for two days.
Erica
Suspended? Do your job. Arrest him!
Sheriff Deever
I'm sorry, ma'am. That's not your call.
Tori Breyer
After the suspension, he will be in regular sessions with our school guidance counselor, Miss Merilee.
Erica
His aunt. OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
Principal
Right, now she's the only counselor...
Erica
You know what, her son was inside my daughter's bedroom last Saturday.
Kyle
He wasn't.
Erica
He's a pervert.
Kyle Breyer
He was camping with us.
Erica
He's sick!
Kyle
He was 30 miles from your house, okay Erica.
Erica
Do you even know who his real mother is?
Tori
I'm his real mother!
Erica
I meant whatever inbred psycho gave birth to him.
Kyle
Hey!
Tori
I know exactly what you meant. You're trash-talking a 12-year-old child lest you sleep better at night, Erica. Maybe you're the one who needs help.
Tori Breyer
Sorry about your daughter.
[to Erica]
Tori Breyer
Get up. Let's go.
[to Brandon]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Shame in Public Space
Old woman
Shame.
[''To Meghan riding on bus without paying fare'']
Meghan
Are-- Are you talking to me?
Old woman
Have you no shame?
Meghan
I don't know who you think you are, Judgey Judgey Judgeyson,
Old woman
Why don't you get your pimp to drive you? These are good people!
Meghan
Oh, I'm sorry. I missed the sign "good people only." How do you know what is in my soul?
Bus driver
Listen. I'm gonna give you some advice.
Meghan
Sure.
Bus driver
You might wanna think about another line of work, cause you ain't no good at this. If you ain't even got $1.50, you probably should think about retiring as a whore. And if you do scrape up $1.50, use it to buy yourself a sandwich. That's the reason you can't turn no tricks-- cause you ain't got no meat on your bones. Now, that advice was free.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Legacy of Presidential Sons in History
George W. Bush
Who's ever remembered the son of a president?
Laura Bush
]!
[[John Quincy Adams]
George W. Bush
Yeah, but that was like, 300 years ago, wasn't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regrets of a Missed Opportunity
Starla Grant
Bet you regret not running off with me to Hollywood now, hey, Bill?
Bill Pardy
Oh, hell, Starla, I always regretted that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Friends About Writing
Lindsay
Hey, what'cha writin on?
Andy
My gurnal. I write my thoughts in it every day.
Lindsay
Oh, you mean a journal?
Andy
Yeah, whatever. Guess I'm not all smart like you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Misunderstanding Over Lunch Plans
Impound Woman
Are you trying to bribe me?
Meghan
No.
Impound Woman
That's a shame. You know, I'm thinking ] for lunch today.
[[w:Quiznos|Quiznos]
Meghan
How much?
Impound Woman
$500.
Meghan
Quiznos does not cost $500!
Meghan
Fuck!... This!
Meghan
Yeah! Suck it, lady!
Meghan
Come on. Go. Come on. Go. Come on. Go, go, go, go. Come on. Come on. No, no, no, no, no.
Gordon
I know you. You're stuck again.
Meghan
You gonna--
Gordon
Hi. I'm Gordon. I'm-- From last night. How you doing?
Meghan
How you doing?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Compliments Between Andy and Lindsay
Andy
You French great.
Lindsay
You're not so bad yourself, Mr. Man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commitment in Difficult Times
Starla Grant
You're just sick. We're just here to take you to get some help. Right now. And I'm gonna stay by you. Just like I swore I would. For better or worse.
[to a transformed Grant]
Bill Pardy
Much fuckin worse...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day of Unfortunate Events and Help
Boy
Lady, what are you doing with my ]?
[[w:Bicycle|bike]
Meghan
I'm really, really sorry. But I'm gonna need to borrow your bike. I got to get to my car. I got to get my life back. Have you ever had one of those days... where everything you do just goes wrong? And no matter how hard you try or how good your intentions, life just keeps beating, beating you down, huh? Well, I could really use a friend right now. So if you just let me borrow your bike, I'll have it back to you in no time. Really, I promise. It would just be so great if you could help me out.
Boy
Okay.
[Sighs]
Meghan
Oh, kid. You're an angel.
Boy
] and I'll let you borrow my bike. ].
[[w:Breast fetishism|Show me your boobs; [w:Breast|Boobies]
Meghan
I had higher hopes for you. Yeah, let's go. Get over here. Come on. All right, get in close. Close your eyes first. I'm calling your mother!
[''Pushes boy in the forehead and rides away on bike'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Belief in Inner Goodness
Tori Breyer
Whatever you've done, I know there is good inside you!
[to Brandon]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Heartfelt Offer from Pookie
Meghan
Pookie, I can't take your crack.
Pookie
It's worth about $10 on the street. But don't smoke it. It normally doesn't end well, at least for me.
Meghan
Pookie, I cannot take your crack.
Pookie
No. No, no. I insist. Please. When a crackhead gives you his crack, you have his heart right there. Just remember, shout out your boy Pookie next time you're on air, okay?
Meghan
Um, okay.
[''Starts walking away'']
Pookie
And don't forget to shout out Scrilla and Hulk--
Meghan
Yup. ]
[''Continues walking]
Pookie
and Skip, Skip-a-doo, Treezy, B-Bow-- not to be confused with G-Bow-- Little Markeese and also my Uncle Joseph.
Meghan
Sure.
[''Continues walking'']
Pookie
He's ].
[[w:California Institution for Men|locked down in Chino]
Meghan
Okay.
[''Continues walking'']
Pookie
Oh, and Meghan Miles?
Meghan
Yeah?
[Really far away]
Pookie
Be well.
Meghan
Be well too.
[Continues walking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation with Authority and Responsibility
Officer Walter
I have nothing against... uh, ].
[[w:prostitution|modern... female entrepreneurs]
Sergeant Dave
Do not approach the vehicle. Ma'am, what you're doing is the opposite... of not approaching the vehicle.
Meghan
But I didn't do anything wrong.
Sergeant Dave
Really? You haven't done anything wrong? What, are you going out to get some eggs? ]? It's time to grow up.
[[w:paperboy|Just wrapping up your paper route]
Officer Walter
]. Off his streets and grow the fuck up, okay?
[[w:fellatio|Don't be on your knees]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Evolution and Survival in a Changing World
Starla Grant
When Darwin said "fittest," he didn't necessarily mean the strongest, or the most intelligent, or any one trait. He merely meant those organisms most well-suited to their environments. Now, we humans, we think we're more fit, more evolved, because we're smarter. But we're neophytes. We've only been on this Earth two million years, give or take. The cockroach, that fellow's been around 350 million years. So, based on that, which of us is the more successful species?
Brenda
Those little fuckers are tearing me apart!
[as the alien slugs tear her apart on the inside]
Tourneur
He looks likes something that fell off my dick during the war.
Kylie Strutemyer
His real face looks like a needle. But he's always got another. He goes from place to place, worids, planets, killing them. Some he gets pregnant, others he just takes over with his worms. And the rest he eats till they're gone. Now he's here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Proposal in Unlikely Circumstances
Meghan
Hey, I don't wanna waste anyone's time. I'm gonna assume that you're a crack dealer. And, um, I was wondering if you wanted a little more...
Figueroa dealer
A little more what?
Meghan
A little more crack. You know, like, maybe I could cash it in for some money.
[Whispering]
Figueroa dealer
You wanna sell me crack?
Meghan
Well, I technically don't wanna sell it because I think that that's wrong. But I was hoping that maybe make a return or something.
Figueroa dealer
Oh. Okay. A return. Yeah. You got the receipt? The, Uh, or maybe the box it came in?
Meghan
Oh, come on, man, I just have the crack.
Figueroa dealer
Oh, you just got the crack?
Meghan
Yeah, that's all I have. And I just thought, you know, you could add it to your stash...
Figueroa dealer
Uh-huh.
Meghan
...give me, like, 10 bucks, and then you can sell it for more, and that's good business.
Figueroa dealer
You don't walk into ] with your own ]... and try to sell it to em. You know why? Because they already got their own hamburgers. They're not gonna look at your hamburgers and be like, "Oh, shit. She's got hamburgers. That looks like a good deal. Maybe I could buy em, turn around and sell em for twice as much.
[[w:McDonalds's|McDonald's; [w:hamburgers|hamburgers]
Meghan
Crack is all the same, right? It's just this little thing.
Figueroa dealer
Put that shit away. What the fuck you doing, trying to set me up?
Meghan
I'm saying that it would be very easy to pass off as your own crack. It's probably all from the same place, isn't it? I technically got it from Pookie who, I'm sure, got it from Scrilla.
Figueroa dealer
Scrilla?
Meghan
Yeah, yeah. It's his crack.
Figueroa dealer
You wanna unload Scrilla's shit on my corner, pass it off as my own? You got a death wish, lady? Yo, Ladeke!
[''Whistles'']
Meghan
What?! Who's Ladeke?!
[''Starts running'']
Figueroa dealer
Deal with this shit! School this bitch right now! You're in the wrong territory! This is the Figueroa Crew, man!
[''To Meghan'']
Meghan
I'm going!
Figueroa dealer
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not done with you!
Meghan
I'm getting on the bus!
[''Spots city transit bus''; ''Runs after bus'']
Figueroa dealer
Come back here, man. You wanna disrespect me? Yo, Ladeke, what am I, a sparrow? When I whistle, you got to respond!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.