Fred Willard Quotes

Buck Laughlin And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.

Mike Lafontaine I'd worked some bills with a few Folkies, you know, Put em in a cell with a long hose on him, put em in a cell with a long hose on him. I used to say, if he's got a long enough hose, he's gonna make a lot of friends in the shower room. Heh, heh, heh. Folk audiences hated that joke.

Aslo Where're you going, doll-face? I just took my Cialis!

Aslo's girl Screw you, Aslo!

Dr. Willoughby Do you actually believe that after the way you've just behaved that I would even consider recommending you for admission?

Kumar No. I'm gonna be honest with you. The only reason I'm applying is so my dad will keep paying for my apartment. I really don't have a desire to go to med school.

Dr. Willoughby But you have perfect MCAT scores.

Kumar Yeah, just cause you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn.

Dr. Allan Pearl People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.

UFO Expert I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the number 5. There are five letters in the word Blaine. Now, if you mix up the letters in the word Blaine, mix em around, eventually, you'll come up with Nebali. Nebali. The name of a planet in a galaxy way, way, way... way far away. And another thing. Once you go into that circle, the weather never changes. It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain.

Ron Albertson If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.

Mrs. Pearl We don't associate with the creative types. We have a Scrabble club. We associate with people with babies.

Mayor Glenn Welsch There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.

Steve Stark, Councilman He can act and he can sing and he can dance. There's only one other person in the world who can do all that, and that's ].

Buck Laughlin Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?

Aslo Have your Dr. Phil moment later. Now, get out of here!

Mike Lafontaine As you know, back in nineteen seventy mrrphph, I starred on a series called "Wha Happened?", and every time something would go wrong, I would look at the camera and say, "Hey, wha happened?" We had a lot of fun with that and a lot of other catchphrases: "I've got a weal wed wagon!", and, uh, "I can't do my wuurrrk!" And I believe I was the first one to use the phrase, "I don't think so!" But it only lasted a year, and that's good, because that's how you establish a cult...

Mike Lafontaine To paraphrase an old joke... Knock, knock. Who's there? It's the New Main Street Singers!