Memorable Quotes from Jack Plotnick
16 quotesThe Effects of Morphine in Everyday Life
Coco
Evie, have you ever been on morphine?
Evie
Once, when I had my eyes done. Then every day for 10 years after that.
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Empowerment and Affirmation in Self-Identity
Evie
I AM woman! ] now!
[[w:Equal Rights Amendment|ERA]
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Humor in Unconventional Situations
Evie
So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker!
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A Greeting from Evie
Evie
Hello, gorgeous!
[''puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on'']
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Introducing Characters in a Casual Encounter
Evie
Oh, oops, um ...
[''points at Varla, trying to remember her name'']
Varla
Varla.
Evie
Varla! This is my son ...
[''points at Stevie'']
Stevie
Stevie.
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Commercial Offer with Personal Dilemma
Evie
You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pants.
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Tensions Rise in Boardroom Confrontation
Ty
Well, it's Her Royal Hemorrhoidiness.
Ms. Krubavitch
You little good-for-nothing, jerkweed, halitosis heads are out of here!
Ty
Yeah.
Ms. Krubavitch
Clown Boy's check bounced! I could have you pencil-necked low-lifes arrested for that.
[hands Zak a notice]
Ty
I knew Edison was spending too much money on this extravagance. I was going to tell him that myself.
Zak
Ms. K., I'm sure it was just a big mistake. I know Edison could cut us another check. Hey, is that a new housecoat?
Ms. Krubavitch
Ohh! I want my money by the end of today, IN CASH, or you scum-sucking weasels get the BOOT!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wishing for a Headache-Free Morning
Evie
Jesus, I wish someone could tell me how to just once wake up without a splitting headache!
Coco
You could drink less.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on a Tragic Loss
Varla
Did you know her ?
[Varla's mother]
Evie
Goodness, yes! We were ... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself.
Coco
Evie!
Evie
Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away.
Varla
Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so ... I have so many questions. What was she like?
Coco
Very sweet.
Evie
Uh-huh. And a big pothead!
Coco
Evie!
Evie
LOVED cock!
Coco
EVIE!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections and Personal Stories
Jeff
You know ]!?
[[Mary Tyler Moore]
Evie
Oh, very well! We did Night of a Thousand Stars together! Funny story: she has diabetes.
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Aging and Self-Perception Among Friends
Stevie
Mom, no one will hire you!
Evie
Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go.
Coco
Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed.
Stevie
I think you know.
Evie
My attitude?
Stevie
No.
Evie
My drinking?
Stevie
No.
Evie
Chronic lateness?
Stevie
No.
Evie
Never learned my lines?
Stevie
No.
Evie
The kleptomania?
Stevie
No.
Evie
I spread disease?
Stevie
No!
Evie
Then what?!
Stevie
That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass?
Evie
It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Secret Past Revealed Between Friends
Coco
Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became ... with child. And I had ... a procedure.
Evie
That's your big secret? An abortion?!
Coco
Have you had one?
Evie
Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters After an Accident
Evie
Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too! That guy who hit us gave me his number!
Stevie
He had to, ma. It's the law.
Evie
Well did he have to flirt with me while we waited for the cops?
Stevie
He said, "Look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse.
Evie
It was more in his body language!
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Impending Asteroid Impact in 15 Minutes
Evie
Accordin to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes!
[''in her movie'' Asteroid]
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Aging and Perceptions in Social Interactions
Evie
I'm glad I could coax you over. At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit ... strange.
Jeff
Why, cause you're so old?
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Considering a Dog Instead of Kids
Coco
What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house?
Evie
I'm sorry, have I been staring?
Coco
I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids.
Evie
Oh, Coco, it's not too late. I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun.
[''Coco smiles'']
Coco
It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag.
Evie
This new roommate will cheer you right up!
Coco
I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket.
Evie
Coco, she came by and she was a peach.
Coco
Were you drunk?
Evie
It was 12 noon! Of course I was drunk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.