J

James Franco Quotes

Actor

Memorable Quotes from James Franco

75 quotes
A Mysterious Connection to the Emerald City
Oz This is all very impressive, but you still haven't told me how you plan to get this thing into the Emerald City.
Glinda Relax. I know someone.
Oz What do you mean you know someone?
Knuck Hello, Wizard.
Oz Well, well, well. If it isn't old Sourpuss.
Knuck My name is Knuck!
Glinda Now you two be nice to each other.
Knuck Let's move it, Wizard!
Oz Can you give me a break?
Knuck I'll break yo nose!
Introduction of Oz's Full Name
Oz Oz? That's my name. Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. But everyone calls me Oz.
Tensions on Set During Giant Filming
James Dean When I started shooting Giant, nothing went right between the director, ], and me. Maybe it was because I missed Pier. Or maybe it was because Stevens reminded me of my father.
[voice over; [w:George Stevens|George Stevens]
George Stevens Where the hell is he?
Assistant Director I'm sorry, Mr. Stevens, but he won't come to the set. He said you kept him waiting too long between takes.
George Stevens What?
[shocked]
Assistant Director He says he's done for the day.
George Stevens Come on, I'll take care of it.
[short pause]
George Stevens Jim, we're ready to shoot.
James Dean Not me. Not today.
George Stevens Come on, son, let's go. The well's rigged, we're losing the light, let's get out on the set.
James Dean You know, you keep me waiting hours preparing for some scene. You never even get around to shooting. So I ain't working today. And you do it again, I'm gonna take two days, and then three.
[goes back to his trailer]
George Stevens All right. Put Dean's clothes on his stand-in, we're shooting without him.
[to his assistant]
James Dean Come on! Come on! You can push that mug ] around, but not me! You don't know what acting is, you stupid son of a bitch! Come on, old man! Come on!
[[w:Rock Hudson|Rock Hudson]
Assistant Director I guess that's a wrap for today.
[they both walk away]
Struggles of Survival and Self-Surgery
Aron Ralston I made an attempt - a short career in surgery, as it turned out - those knives are just not anywhere close to the task. I've got about an inch-wide gash in my arm that goes about a half inch deep. I cut down through the skin and the fatty tissue, and through some of the muscle. I think I cut a tendon, but I'm not sure. I'll never saw through the bones with this knife. I tried, anyways. It really just didn't go well. The tourniquet is relaxed at this point. Which actually is a little bothersome, considering I'm not bleeding that bad, barely at all. It's so weird. You'd expect to definitely see more pulsing and bleeding, but oh well. I'm really fucked now. I'm out of water.
Land and Ambitions in a Scenic Setting
Winton Dean Beautiful view.
James Dean This is uh, where my house is gonna be. And I own that land over there, too.
Winton Dean Nice car.
James Dean Yeah, it's aluminum. They only made 30.
Winton Dean Must have cost a lot.
James Dean Well, I got a lot.
Winton Dean Yeah, this town is yours, isn't it?
James Dean I'm doing pretty good. You like LA, father?
Winton Dean Do I like LA? Hm. Well, I'll tell you something, young man, if I could find the edge of this town, I'd leave it. But you're the edge of this town now. And you are everywhere.
James Dean Why'd you do it, father? Why - Why'd you send me away? Why didn't you come to mother's funeral? Just talk to me.
[short pause]
Winton Dean Yes, but I don't have to talk to you.
James Dean You're my father.
Winton Dean No, I'm not. I'm not your father, and your mother told me that. Yeah. Your mother, my wife, told me that I'm not- Well, I might not be your dad. Told me just before she died. She wanted to set things straight, I guess. See, when she was eighteen years old, she started seeing this other guy. He was married with kids and... she couldn't break it off, I guess. A couple of weeks after we were married, she found out that she's pregnant with you. And not knowing, I was the happiest man alive... for about nine years. But then, she just had to tell me the truth. And I just couldn't live with that. Yeah, you know, your mother was brave. Telling me the truth like she did. And I was... too prideful. I couldn't find the damn courage to forgive her. And so I got cheated out of my wife, and I cheated myself, out of having you as my son. And I'm proud of you, Jim. And I'm sorry that I acted so bad to you all these years.
A World Without Duty and Desire
Isolde If things were different. If we lived in a place without duty... would you be with me?
Tristan That place does not exist.
Isolde I'll pretend it's you.
Confrontation and Recognition in Oz's Journey
Theodora There's so much good here...It sickens me. Still think your wizard can save you? FROM THE LIKES OF ME?! SPEAK UP...or I will tear out your tongue!
[arriving in Glinda's kingdom in her new form; jumps in front of the Tinkers. They recoil in fright; levitates over to the Quadlings]
Oz Now, who's that?
[to Glinda]
Theodora Don't you recognize me, Wizard? Have I changed so much?
[spins around, swoops toward Oz and Glinda]
Oz Theodora?
[shocked]
Theodora May I have this dance?
[bows mockingly; levitates Oz and makes him dance]
Oz Hey! Hey! Whoa! I get it! You're a little upset!
Glinda Theodora, stop! You'll hurt him!
Oz Theodora...What happened to you?!
Theodora You happened to me!
[conjures up a fireball and is about to throw it at Oz]
Glinda This isn't you, it's your sister. She's worked her magic on you. I'd hoped you'd be able to see through her...
[uses her wand to extinguish the fireball; points her wand at Theodora]
Theodora Oh, Glinda...So naïve. Just like your father. That's why it was so easy for my sister to kill him.
[walks slowly towards Glinda and Oz]
Glinda She only killed a man... Not what he believed in.
[sadly]
Female Quadling Begone, witch, before the Wizard makes mush of you!
[brandishes her broomstick at Theodora]
Theodora Ohh...how sweet. You all believe in him! Well, so did I, once. And as for you, my pretty one... When I return with my sister and her army, the Yellow Brick Road will be red with the blood of every tinker, farmer, and Munchkin in your kingdom.
[sarcastically; bitterly; to Glinda; lifts Glinda's chin with her nail and chuckles coldly]
Glinda You underestimate us, Theodora. We are a strong and united people...And now, the Wizard is here to lead us.
[firmly]
Theodora And as for your Wizard...he will be the first to die, and you will all see that he is nothing but a deceitful, selfish, and extremely mortal man! Give me that! It was a broom that you wanted...Wasn't it, Wizard?
[turns to face Glinda's people; magically summons the female Quadling's broom; as soon as it touches her hand, it turns black; flies away on the broom laughing viciously]
Identity Beyond Actions and Achievements
Aron Ralston I've been thinking about what my friend Rob in Aspen says to me several... frequently... Several times that, confusingly, It's not what you do but who you are'. I kind of got hung up on that a lot, because I always thought who I was, was very much wrapped up with what I did. That I was happy because of the things that I did that made me happy. If things you do make you happy, then they can also make you unhappy. I think that's why I found myself being as ambitious and energetic - It's cold... this place is an ice-box at night... And killing winds. - to do all the outings that I did.
[The wind interrupts him and he shivers and mutters; speaks louder]
Heading Towards a Protective Barrier
Oz These things go kind of fast, huh? Hey, is-is that a wall?
[traveling by bubble to Glinda's kingdom; notices the bubble around the castle]
Glinda Of sorts. It repels our enemies; it protects us from harm.
Oz But we're headed straight for it.
Glinda Yes, we are.
[cheerfully]
Oz And going very fast. How do you, uh...? Does this thing have any brakes? I'm going too fast! I'm gonna die!
[nervously; panicking]
Glinda You needn't worry, Wizard. It's a magic wall, and all good-hearted souls get to pass through.
[calmly; with realization]
Oz I'M GONNA DIE!!!
[still panicking]
Aspiration for Greatness Over Goodness
Oz Kansas is full of good men. I don't want to be a good man...I want to be a great one.
Debate Over a Milky Way Bar
Seth Rogen Okay, food. How are we gonna deal with this?
[after the group inventories the remaining food]
Jonah Hill Um, can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco No, you can't have the Milky Way, that's my Milky Way. I went out this morning and specifically bought this Milky Way to eat after my party.
Jay Baruchel That's weird.
James Franco It's not weird, it's my special food, I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.
Seth Rogen I don't think you should get the whole Milky Way. I want some of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.
James Franco Oh, now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way! It's a fucking Milky Way.
Jonah Hill Guys.
Jay Baruchel A fifth of everything is what's fair and reasonable.
Seth Rogen Everyone gets a fifth of everything.
James Franco I want one fifth of your T-shirt! I want the bottom part. The belly.
[To Craig]
Craig Robinson I'm not sporting a crop-top in your house.
James Franco I'll cut that shit off and make a headband.
Craig Robinson You couldn't handle my midriff.
Jonah Hill Guys, the only issue is...I kinda need the Milky Way.
Jay Baruchel For fuck's sake.
Jonah Hill No, for real, I have low blood sugar, and if my endorphins drop too low, I'm gonna be a nightmare to be around.
Jay Baruchel What?
James Franco Your LBS starts acting up, you can have a finger scoop of Nutella, okay?
Seth Rogen One finger scoop of Nutella.
Jonah Hill Fair.
James Franco I’m going to bed.
Jay Baruchel Jesus fucking…
James Franco Don’t touch that Milky Way, Jonah.
Jonah Hill Night, James.
Understanding Knowledge and Assumptions in Conversation
Oz Where's your broom?
[to Theodora]
Theodora You don't know much about ]es, do you?
[[witch]
Disaster Theories Among Friends
James Franco Earthquakes cause tsunamis.
Seth Rogen Yes.
James Franco Tsunamis cause other tsunamis, disaster.
Danny McBride I mean for all we know, the fucking Lakers could’ve just won and that’s the reason why all this is happening.
Seth Rogen Hole in Franco’s front yard? Sinkhole. Every single time I turn on the news, sinkhole in South America, bunch of South Americans getting sucked into the ground.
Jonah Hill Sinkhole de Mayo.
Seth Rogen Sinkhole de Mayo. That’s why it’s named that, because sinkholes happen in the summertime.
Jay Baruchel It’s not wildfires, it’s not earthquakes, it’s not sinkholes. I think I know what it is.
Craig Robinson Let’s hear it.
Jay Baruchel I think it’s the Apocalypse.
James Franco What?
Jay Baruchel I’m serious, boys. It’s all here, in the book of Revelations.
[holds up a Bible]
James Franco You took my Bible?
Jay Baruchel Well, just hear me out, and you tell me that what I’m describing isn’t what’s going on right now. “And the skies shall open up and the light of the Lord shall shine down and those of good heart shall be brought into my kingdom of heaven.” That’s the Rapture, those are the gigantic beams of blue light. “And there will be a great mountain burning in fire.” I mean the Hollywood Hills are literally engulfed in flames as we sit here right now.
[starts reading the Bible]
Craig Robinson The Hollywood Hills ain’t no mountain, it’s a hill. Takes about 10 minutes to get across that motherfucker with no traffic.
James Franco Coldwater.
Seth Rogen I take Laurel Canyon.
Jonah Hill Cahuegna.
Danny McBride I usually cup down Barham.
Jay Baruchel Boys, can I just fricking finish?
Craig Robinson I love Laurel Canyon.
Jay Baruchel “And out of the pit rose a great red dragon having seven heads, that old serpent called the devil and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world, was released onto the Earth.”
[continues reading]
Craig Robinson I love that dude. He’s from ].
[[Where the Wild Things Are]
James Franco It’s a load of bullshit.
Jay Baruchel It’s not bullshit.
James Franco You wanna know something else, Jay? If this is the end of the world and all the good people died, what you’re saying is, Seth, me, Jonah, Craig and Danny are a bunch of assholes.
Craig Robinson I’m straight-up lovable, son.
James Franco And if this is really the Apocalypse, you’re here too. So that means you’re just as shitty as the rest of us. Doesn’t feel too good, does it?
Inquiry About Dashing Moustache of Prince
Fabious Who's the prince with the most dashing moustache?
Struggling for Strength in Desperation
Aron Ralston God, it's Aron again. I still need some help. It's getting bad here. I'm out of water and food. Listen. Give me the strength not to do anything against myself. I want to see this through, whatever.
Desire Fulfilled in Oz's Journey
Oz I have everything I ever wanted.
Rejection of Glamour and Conformity
James Dean I'm not even interested in this glitzy glamour crap! All right! If you wanna wear monkey suits! That's fine! Not me!
Reflections on Kings and Cowards
Tristan Marke delivered me from that place when I was a boy. You ran. So you can understand that when I think of Kings I think of him. When I think of cowards...
Frustration with Delays in Filming
James Dean You know, you keep me waiting hours preparing for some scene. You never even get around to shooting. So I ain't working today. And you do it again, I'm gonna take two days, and then three.
[to director George Stevens]
Embracing Failure in Pursuit of Success
Martin Landau You never know. I mean look at me; when I tried out for "Tennessee Williams" I thought I was terrible.
[about an audition]
James Dean You were terrible... you didn't get the part.
Martin Landau Just a detail.
Casting Conversations in a Creative Collaboration
Nicholas Ray Always knew I was gonna get an actor like you for ]. I think... divine fate calls the shots for a director like me. You know what I mean? Brando. What, are they kidding? Brando is too old, man. You are fresh. You are perfect for this part. Perfect! We just gotta... We gotta find somebody... somebody great for the girl. What about ]? Huh? No, really, what do you think of her, huh? I wanna know. I really wanna know. Because, Jimmy, it's just you and I. We are on this quest together, baby. All the way down the line. Huh, what do you think?
[[Rebel Without a Cause|Rebel; [w:Natalie Wood|Natalie Wood; Dean shrugs]
James Dean She's a child star, man.
Nicholas Ray Child star, huh? Jimmy, this girl is seventeen years old, and she is built like the ]. I know. She doesn't look it, right? But I'm telling you that underneath those simple little childish cotton frocks, she is built like a marble masterpiece. Jimmy. Jimmy, listen to me.
[[w:Pietà|Pieta]
James Dean What?
Nicholas Ray You're young. You're wonderful and you're young, but if you'd have been there for the start of ] career, you would know what I see in this girl. Genius. Pure genius. That's what I see in you, Jimmy. Genius! Man, Rebel Without a Cause is gonna be the first visionary movie ever made about teenagers. You mark my word. Mark my word! You like jazz?
[[w:Helen Hayes|Helen Hayes']
James Dean Yeah, I like jazz.
Nicholas Ray ] mean anything to you?
[[w:Chet Baker|Chet Baker]
James Dean Yeah.
Nicholas Ray He's playing down on the beach tonight. You want to go?
James Dean Yeah, I'd love to.
Nicholas Ray Solid, baby. Solid.
Self-Deception and Perception of Worth
Glinda Would you stop that? A con man couldn't have done all this. You're much more than that.
Oz Then I've got you fooled too.
Glinda The only person you've got fooled is yourself.
Conflicted Emotions Between Friends
Jack Warner I love you and I hate you.
James Dean I hate you, and I hate you.
Desire for Life and Accomplishment
Oz I don't want to die! I haven't accomplished anything yet! Please!
[stuck in the tornado]
A Dance Invitation in Oz
Oz May I have this ], milady? Now you're gonna tell me no one's ever asked you to dance before.
[[dance; Theodora looks startled]
Theodora No one ever has.
[sadly]
Oz Then it's high time you learned.
[smiles]
Aspiration for Greatness
James Dean I don't want to be just good. I want to be great.
Questioning the Challenge of Defeating Evil
Oz How hard can it be to kill a Wicked Witch?
A Moment of Desperation and Preparation
Aron Ralston This next part may not be for all viewers at home. It's a little after eight. At precisely eight o'clock I took my last sip of clean water... and... hide your eyes, Mom...
Understanding the Nature of the Animal
Will Rodman I can't take care of a ].
[[monkey]
Robert Franklin He's not a monkey! He's an ].
[[ape]
The Complexity of Love and Existence
Tristan You were right. I don't know if life is better than death. But love was more than either.
Love's Exclusivity in Tristan and Isolde
Isolde How many did you love before me?
Tristan None.
Isolde And after me?
Tristan None.
A Description of Isolde's Promised Partner
Tristan You're promised?
Isolde Yes.
Tristan What's he like?
Isolde Dark. Tall. Nearly twice your size. An absolute gentleman.
Tristan I thought... earlier when you spoke of wanting something you can't have.
Isolde I didn't know what I was talking about.
Isolde Outside, just past that bluff there is a boat. That's how you should go when you leave. You should go soon.
Tristan How do you feel?
Isolde I don't know.
Reflecting on Loss After Filming
James Dean ], after the filming for East of Eden is finished] It's over. You know, this- this is like my family, and... I can't just let that go.
[to [[w:Julie Harris|Julie Harris]
Self-Reflection and Personal Responsibility
Aron Ralston I did this Aron. I created this. The boulder did what it was here to do. It was waiting for me but it did the only natural thing it could do. I chose to come here, I chose to do this descent by myself. I chose not to tell anyone where I was going. I chose to turn away from the women who were there to keep me from getting in this trouble. I wanted it to be like this. Look how far I came to find this spot. It's not that I'm getting what I deserve - I'm getting what I wanted.
Conflicting Priorities in Hollywood Careers
Jack Warner You know that uh, car racing is for idiots. Well, you're working for me, and I say "no racing cars". You find that funny, huh? I'm signing a deal that would pay you a million dollars and for a millions dollars I'm telling you, no more racing cars.
[on the Porsche 550 Spyder race car; looks at Dean who smiles; Dean nods]
James Dean When I'm not shooting...
Jack Warner Beg your pardon?
James Dean When I'm not shooting, I'm on my own, Jack. If you don't like that, you can take...
Jack Warner Oh, oh, oh, oh. You're gonna say something you're gonna regret.
[stops Dean]
James Dean Smile, Jack.
Jack Warner Why? Oh.
[notices a photographer wanting to take their picture]
Jack Warner Get rid of it.
[on the car]
Unexpected Reunion Amidst Dire Circumstances
Jay Baruchel Danny?
[after he, Seth, and James are attacked by a group of cannibals and everything comes to a halt when Danny comes out of the truck]
Danny McBride What the fuck?! You guys are still alive?!
Seth Rogen Yeah!
Danny McBride Holy shit, I didn't expect that. Fuck out here. Shit, I can't believe you guys are here! That's fuckin crazy! And your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten. And you three gentlemen look delicious.
[tugs on his leash; On the other side of the leash is a gimp complete with a luchador mask, hockey pads and a thong coming out of the truck]
Jay Baruchel What does that have to do with us?
James Franco The fuck you talking about?
Danny McBride I'm a cannibal hombre! We're gonna fucking eat your ass!
[laughs]
Seth Rogen Fuck you, you can't eat us! Fuck that, man!
Danny McBride I do whatever the fuck I want, WHEN I WANT! I've butt-fucked this dude. See that? I fuckin slide right in that shit, I do whatever I want. This is my gimp! Channing, introduce yourself.
Channing Tatum Hey, wassup guys? Y'all cool?
James Franco That's Channing Tatum!
Seth Rogen That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?!
Danny McBride Channing fucking Tatum, I found him wandering on the freeway, I collected him and made him my bitch, get off my dick. I call him "Channing Tate-yum.
James Franco Hardcore, man.
Danny McBride I got him trained good, watch, he does tricks. Wait, shake hands.
James Franco All right, Seth…
Danny McBride: Fucking roll over.
James Franco I’m gonna create a diversion…
Seth Rogen Yeah.
James Franco …you and Jay make a run for it.
Seth Rogen What? Danny’s gonna eat you!
James Franco Listen. Full-on sacrifice for you, dawg, like the ending to Pineapple 2.
Danny McBride Yeah, lick that! That’s Channing fucking Tatum, dawg!
Channing Tatum I love him.
Danny McBride That’s fucking ], dude. He fucking loves me.
[[w:G.I. Joe|G.I. Joe; laughs]
Seth Rogen Danny, we’re friends! You can’t eat us!
Danny McBride I’d love to catch up, but we’re fucking starving, so… LET’S EAT!
James Franco FUCK YOU!
Questioning the Nature of Wizardry
Oz You know, I should tell you, I might not actually be a wizard...
[whispering to Glinda, as her city celebrates his arrival]
Glinda Yes, I know.
Oz Oh?
Glinda Well, at least not any kind of wizard we were expecting.
Oz Uh, you could tell?
Glinda Yes. I can also tell you're weak, selfish, slightly egotistical, and a fibber.
Oz I see. Anything you don't know about me?
Glinda Whether or not you'll save my people.
Oz Ah, no, I just told you I'm not the wizard.
Glinda But they don't know that. If you can make them believe, then you're wizard enough. These are desperate times, after all. Can you make them believe?
[sadly]
Oz Um...Will I...still get that ]?
[nervously; [gold]
Glinda Ah...
[surprised; nods her head yes]
Oz Good people of Oz. Your wizard is here!
[to the crowd]
Survival Supplies in a Crisis Situation
Seth Rogen We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, ], cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, ], milk, ketchup, a ], a half-ounce of ], 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat and a video camera from the movie 27 Hours.
[taking inventory of the food and supplies at James' house; [w:Nutella|Nutella; [w:Cinnamon Toast Crunch|C.T. Crunch; [w:Milky Way (chocolate bar)|Milky Way; [w:Sour Diesel|Sour Diesel]
James Franco ].
[correcting Seth; [127 Hours]
Seth Rogen Uh... ], and a functioning revolver from the movie ].
[[127 Hours; [Flyboys]
James Franco Old faithful.
[picks up the gun'']
Jay Baruchel Jesus.
James Franco Thing’s real. No, I kept this from the movie.
Seth Rogen Yeah.
James Franco This is an actual revolver.
Seth Rogen I see, yeah.
Craig Robinson Franco, that’s very uncomfortable. Could you put that thing down, please?
James Franco Loaded.
Jonah Hill Love it.
Jay Baruchel Awesome. Can you just put the gun away?
James Franco I always keep my props.
Jay Baruchel That’s really cool.
James Franco Always keep my props. I know how to handle it.
Jonah Hill He knows what he’s doing. I like this bit. I like it. I get it. Let me see.
James Franco It’s real. It’s heavy.
Jonah Hill Let me see it like that.
Craig Robinson Goddamn!
Seth Rogen Come on, guys! You could kill…
James Franco Careful.
Jonah Hill Bang, bang!
[pretends to shoot it]
Jay Baruchel Jesus!
Seth Rogen Please put it down!
Jay Baruchel Oh, fuck!
Jonah Hill Bang, bang, bang! You’re dead!
Jay Baruchel I hope you’re fucking happy.
Jonah Hill Pow, pow, pow!
Seth Rogen Stop- Guys, stop fucking with the gun!
Jay Baruchel Jesus. Jesus!
Jonah Hill Pow! Pow! Bang!
Seth Rogen It’s a real gun! It’s so funny. It’s so funny.
Jonah Hill Guys, it’s funny.
Jay Baruchel It’s not funny! We’re getting sidetracked.
Jonah Hill I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll just kill myself.
All No!
Seth Rogen Don’t do that Jonah!
Jay Baruchel Jesus!
James Franco Jonah, give it back.
Jonah Hill I don’t know! I don’t know!
[puts the gun in his mouth]
James Franco Don’t do that!
Seth Rogen Oh, dude!
Jay Baruchel Hey, come on! Come on, no, don’t! Jesus!
Craig Robinson Would you put the thing down?!
Jonah Hill The whole… I’m trying to have some fun, man. Look, just because a bunch of people fell into a hole outside doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. We’re a bunch of best friends hanging out. It’s like a sleepover.
Discussion on Food Preferences and Humor
James Franco ] to James’ bedroom] We’ll be right here, okay? Fuck are you guys doing here?
[after sending [[w:Emma Watson|Emma Watson]
Seth Rogen Here’s what I think we should do. She’s British, right? She’s used to eating shitty food anyway. Let’s just give her all the shitty food that we don’t want.
James Franco That’s fucked up. Look how tiny she is. She’s not even a full seven. She’s like half a seven.
Danny McBride This is a fucking cool thing, man. I, for one, am very excited. I’m a massive ] fan.
[[w: Harry Potter|Harry Potter]
James Franco What?
Danny McBride Yes. I love fucking ]. I cannot wait until she wakes up and I can ask her all these amazing questions about how they made those motion pictures.
[[w:Harry Potter|Harry Potter]
James Franco Take it easy, ].
[[w:Dumble Dore|Dumble Dore]
Jay Baruchel Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room.
Seth Rogen Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Craig Robinson That's fucked up. I'm right here man.
Jay Baruchel I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
James Franco That's racist.
Jay Baruchel I wasn’t referring to him. I was referring to the issue that’s on all of our minds.
James Franco What?
Jay Baruchel This is one girl in a house with six males.
James Franco Real safe.
Seth Rogen Ideal scenario.
Craig Robinson She’s like a little sister.
Jay Baruchel I think that she needs… It’s important that she feels safe. And comfortable. And we should be mindful.
Craig Robinson Who’s making her not feel safe?
Jay Baruchel Well, I’m just saying we should… We don’t wanna give off a bad vibe.
James Franco Vibes? I ain’t got no vibes.
Seth Rogen Wait, what kind of vibes are you talking about, man?
Danny McBride He’s talking about us giving off a rapey vibe.
All Whoa!
Craig Robinson Jesus.
James Franco Jay, what the fuck, man?
Seth Rogen Chill out dude.
James Franco Why you putting that shit in the mix?
Jay Baruchel He fucking said it!
Danny McBride You’re the one saying it. No one here is thinking about raping anyone.
James Franco Well, you talking about vibes is the only thing that’s rapey going on right now.
Seth Rogen Dude, nothing was rapey until you brought up the rapey vibe.
James Franco Fucking one who smelt it dealt it, dawg.
Seth Rogen True that, dude.
James Franco One who denies it supplies it.
Jay Baruchel I know, it’s farts, I get it.
Jonah Hill Guys, guys, guys. Jay’s not rapey. Jay couldn’t rape a fly.
Seth Rogen He probably could.
Craig Robinson Maybe we should stop this entire conversation right now.
James Franco If anyone’s gonna rape anyone here, it’s probably gonna be Danny.
Danny McBride What the fuck, Franco?
James Franco What?
Danny McBride Why do you think I’m gonna rape somebody?
James Franco I’m just trying to lay it out here.
Danny McBride I’m not gonna rape anyone, all right? If anyone’s gonna rape somebody, it’s Jay. He came up with the rape idea and his face looks like the police sketch of a fucking rapist.
James Franco True.
Jay Baruchel What the fuck does that mean?
Danny McBride If anybody’s raping Emma Watson, it’s fucking Sir Rapes-a-Lot over here.
Breaking Through Together Amidst Chaos
Seth Rogen That is so fucking good.
James Franco The two heroes over here breaking through the floor.
Seth Rogen We did break through the floor.
Jay Baruchel Any of you guys would have done the same thing.
Seth Rogen Oh, man, that fucking hurt.
Jay Baruchel Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t shart again.
Seth Rogen I think I did.
Jonah Hill Hey, what year is this?
Jay Baruchel 19…
Seth Rogen That’s a good… That’s a good year.
Craig Robinson Hey, hey, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doin?!
[turns his attention to McBride about to pour water]
Danny McBride What am I doing?
[Danny pours his glass with water as the others exclaim]
Seth Rogen Fuck, man!
Danny McBride What? I'm just pouring myself another glass of water to wash down that dry-ass Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
James Franco That's very nice, but you can't just pour yourself another glass of water, man, will you cut it out?!
Seth Rogen Yeah, we agreed to one glass at dinner. We voted on it, man.
Danny McBride Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired of all these fucking rules, man. You don't see me putting rules on you guys.
James Franco You cannot have another glass of water.
Danny McBride Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me. Why the fuck is it fair that him and I should drink the same amount of water? We should be dividing our rations based on our proportionate size.
Jonah Hill I don't wanna come off as a diva here or anything. It's just that I think everyone should split everything equally.
Danny McBride I just think that everybody should have the fucking same, I have a goddamn earring." SHUT THE FUCK UP, JONAH!
[mimicking Jonah]
James Franco You know what, Danny? If you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.
Danny McBride You're making me into a joke right now, Franco, and you are not gonna like the fuckin punch line.
James Franco No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the fuck down!
Danny McBride Okay, I'm done. We're not gonna have any more water.
Seth Rogen Good.
James Franco Alright.
Danny McBride YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN, YOU GUYS FORCED MY FUCKING HAND BY GANGING UP ON ME!
James Franco GODDAMMIT, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!
[aims his revolver at Danny]
Danny McBride That's what I thought. Nerd.
Chaos and Confusion Among Friends
Jay Baruchel Holy shit!
Seth Rogen It worked!
Danny McBride What the fuck?
James Franco Go to hell, McBride! Fuck you! Ha, ha! Suck my dick! Aaaaahhhh...
[sticks up both middle fingers]
Seth Rogen Oh shit.
James Franco What happened?! What did I do?! Take me back! WHAT DID I DO?!
[horrified]
Danny McBride I'll tell you what happened, Franco! You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven cause you were being petty! ]. You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.
[[w:Tom Petty|Tom Petty]
James Franco What? NOOOOOO!
[Seth and Jay watch in sheer horror and disgust as Danny and Channing bite down on Franco's face and rips off his nose]
Danny McBride HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?!
[holding up James' severed nose; shrieks]
James Franco DANNY, NOOOOOO!
[last words]
Danny McBride SETH! JAY!
[three of the cannibals begin to chase Seth and Jay]
Jay Baruchel Oh shit, they're running after us!
Seth Rogen Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit, run!
Danny McBride BRING THEM TO ME!
[last words]
Seth Rogen Fuck!
Cannibal Get ‘em!
Cannibal 2 Got to get Rogen!
Seth Rogen Over here! Over here, over here.
Jay Baruchel What?
Seth Rogen Shit, shit!
Cannibal They’re around here somewhere.
Cannibal 2 They kept running you fucking idiots!
Seth Rogen Shit, are they still here?
Jay Baruchel I think they’re gone.
Seth Rogen Are they gone?
Jay Baruchel Oh, my God.
Seth Rogen Why did Franco flip off Danny? Why did he have to do that, man? He was in the clear!
Jay Baruchel That is textbook. Uh… Vanity or…
Seth Rogen Is it Vanity?
Jay Baruchel Vanity or envy.
Seth Rogen Is it envy or wrath?
Jay Baruchel It’s any of them, man.
Seth Rogen You can’t do that. It’s being a sore winner, is what it is, more than anything.
Jay Baruchel That’s exactly what it is.
Seth Rogen You can’t be a sore winner.
Jay Baruchel Well, this is another fine mess we found ourselves in. Fuck.
The Consequences of Scientific Experimentation
Caroline Aranha Come on, explain it to me.
Will Rodman All right. I snuck him out of the lab to save his life. I had no idea that the effects had been transferred vertically from his mother. But, since then, he's been displaying incredible signs OF intelligence. I designed the 112 to repair, but Caesar's gone way beyond that. Here's his IQ from last year. Since then, it's doubled.
Caroline Aranha This is all wrong.
Will Rodman My father was gone. This drug brought him back. You never saw how bad he was. He has his life again.
Caroline Aranha And, what about Caesar?
Will Rodman What about him?
Caroline Aranha How does he fit in?
Will Rodman With me... with us...
Caroline Aranha I know it has been hard for you, but you are trying to control things that were never meant to be controlled.
Will Rodman The 112 works!
Caroline Aranha Do you realize how you sound?
Will Rodman All I'm saying is this is a good thing. Caesar's proof of that. So's my father.
The Journey of Artistic Promise
James Dean My mother made me promise to be an artist. She taught me that imagination can take a person anywhere. Mine took me from Indiana, to Broadway, to Hollywood. She was right.
[voice over, opening lines]
Desperate Plea for Guidance in Crisis
Aron Ralston God, I am praying to you for guidance. I'm trapped in Blue John Canyon - you probably know that - and I don't know what I am supposed to do. I've tried everything I can think of. I need some new ideas. Please show me a sign. OK, then, God, since you're apparently busy: Devil, if you're listening, I need some help here. I'll trade you my arm, my soul, whatever you want. Just get me out of here. You want me never to climb again, I can give that up. Just show me the dotted line.
[long pause]
Reflections on Life and Love in Crisis
Aron Ralston Good morning, everyone! It's 6:45 Tuesday morning in BJ Canyon! The weather is great. I figure by now that Leona, my housemate - Hi, Leona! - has missed me hopefully since I didn't show up last night. Another hour and a half they'll miss me for not showing up at work... Hi, Brion at work! Best case scenario is they notify the police and after a 24 hour hold they file a report, a missing person's report. Which means noon tomorrow it's official that I'm gone. I do still have the tiniest bit of water left. Well, actually, I've resorted... I've had a couple pretty good gulps of urine that I saved in my Camelbak. I sort of let it distill... It tastes like hell. So, it's 70 hours since I left on my bike from Horseshoe Trailhead during which time I have consumed 3 liters of water, a couple of mouthfuls of piss... Did I say the weather is great? Well, it is. Though flash floods potential is still present. There's four-prong major canyons upstream from me that all converge in this 3 foot wide gap where I am. The rock I pulled down on top of me, it was put there by flood. Still, I'd get a drink. Mom, Dad, I really love you guys. I wanted to take this time to say the times we've spent together have been awesome. I haven't appreciated you in my own the way I know I could. Mom, I love you. I wish I'd returned all of your calls, ever. I really have lived this last year. I wish I had learned some lessons more astutely, more rapidly, than I did. I love you. I'll always be with you.
[pauses a couple of seconds; pauses again, while he drinks and shudders]
Finding a Solution in Difficult Times
Oz Glinda, I've got it!
Glinda What have you got?
Oz I've got a way out of this mess.
[puts a book down on her desk]
Glinda What is this?
Oz A battle plan. It's all in there: Illusion, misdirects, slight of hand...Look, I know I'm not the wizard you were expecting, but I might just be the wizard you need.
[Glinda picks up and starts flipping through the book: ''Mastering Magic'']
Glinda You said you were just a conman.
Oz Precisely.
Glinda Nothing but a trickster?
Oz Yes.
Glinda A terrible cheat?
Oz The best there is.
Glinda Carnival magician's going to put on a show.
Oz I'll put on the show of a lifetime, the likes of which the land of Oz has never seen! ]. ]. PRESTIDIGITATION! It'll be my greatest trick yet.
[[Magic; [Mystery]
James Dean's Drumming Defiance
James Dean I'm playing the drums! Go to hell!
Choosing a Name: A Lighthearted Exchange
Martin Landau What's your name?
James Dean I can't decide.
Martin Landau What are your choices?
James Dean I've got James Dean, Jimmy Dean, Byron Dean.
Martin Landau Which one's your real name?
James Dean James. Byron's my middle name.
Martin Landau Go with your real name.
James Dean You think?
Martin Landau I know. Jimmy's an eight year old boy, and Byron's a dead poet with a crooked foot.
James Dean James is king. What's your name?
[laughs]
Martin Landau Martin Landau.
James Dean Where are you from?
Martin Landau Why? Do you wanna come home and meet my mom?
James Dean Yeah, can she cook?
Martin Landau You like matzo ball soup?
James Dean My favourite.
Martin Landau You're invited. Where you living?
James Dean Some dirt-hole rented room.
Martin Landau What number you got?
James Dean 231.
Martin Landau 1216. Let's cut out, man. Cattle calls are for losers.
James Dean They are?
Martin Landau Unless you got an agent sending you in, you're kidding yourself.
James Dean All right.
James Dean You got an agent?
Martin Landau If I had an agent, would I be blowing my time with a goof like you? Come on!
James Dean Hey, whose Brando's agent in New York?
Helicopters Bring Hope Amidst Chaos
James Franco Dude, look. Helicopters, helicopter. The good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine.
Craig Robinson Goddamn! Oh, goddamn!
[screaming and jumping]
James Franco You okay?
Craig Robinson No, I'm not okay. Fuck yo house, Franco!
[shows his damaged finger]
James Franco My house didn't do that!
Magazine Mishap at a Party
James Franco Who did this? Who did this?!
Seth Rogen Did what, what are you talking about?
James Franco Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?
[holds up his jizzed porn magazine]
Seth Rogen No.
James Franco No?
Danny McBride It was me, Franco. I fuckin made jizz in your magazine.
[raises his hand]
James Franco What?!
Danny McBride When I fuckin jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?
James Franco Real fucking smart answer! Why don't you fucking aim, huh?!
Danny McBride I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a fuckin wild fireman's hose, she's gonna grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!
James Franco The fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a fucking sock or on a fuckin tissue?!
Danny McBride No, I don't have any brothers. I was raised in a house of women!
James Franco I highly doubt they fuckin taught you to fuckin close your eyes and fuckin cum wherever you want!
Danny McBride I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fuckin porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, ]! You designed a house with fucking ]s in the walls! Yet, you're jerkin your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
[[w:Buck Rogers|Buck Rogers; [w:iPad|iPad]
James Franco That's right, man. I like to fuckin read!
Danny McBride You think that's the only thing I jerked off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fuckin house like a goddamn dump truck.
James Franco YOU DON'T CUM ON MY STUFF!
Danny McBride I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James. I'll fuckin cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin art, I'LL CUM ANYWHERE I WANT!
James Franco I will fuckin cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin madman all over you, McBride!
Danny McBride Ooh! I fuckin wish you'd cum on me right now, I fuckin DARE YOU TO CUM ON ME!
Danny McBride I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin hard in here!
[Grabbing a baseball bat between his legs]
James Franco This, no more, man, all over your fuckin face!
Danny McBride All over the fuckin floor, all over the fuckin place! I'll fuckin cum anywhere I want, I'll fuckin cum on these walls, I'll cum on the fuckin cabinets, on the fuckin furniture, I'LL CUM EVERYWHERE!
James Franco If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!
[points his revolver]
Danny McBride You don't have enough bullets, bitch!
James Franco No fuckin jerking off in my house, McBride!
[waving his revolver]
Seth Rogen Come on, man.
Danny McBride Fuck this. It's just I'm too thirsty to do this, and the fuckin bitter irony is I'm not gonna have my thirst quenched until I finish this. I give up.
Seth Rogen Danny, no. Don't walk away. Danny, don't walk away from me!
Danny McBride It's too late, Seth. I've already walked away too much.
Seth Rogen No, you haven't. You could still come back and just fuckin turn around and come back and help me. Danny? Daniel?
Recognizing Inner Goodness and Potential
Glinda For the record, I knew you’d had it in you all along.
Oz Greatness?
Glinda No...better than that: Goodness.
Master Tinker Now, Knuck.
Contemplating God During the Apocalypse
Seth Rogen This shit's cray cray, guys. I mean, it's like, the real, like Apocalypse, it's like the Revel, Book of Revelations, like that means there's a God. Right? I haven't led my life as though there's a God this whole time, who fucking saw that coming that there's actually a God?
[discussing the apocalypse; Jay nods in agreement]
Jay Baruchel I-I'd say 95% of the planet.
Seth Rogen Jesus fucking Christ, man.
Craig Robinson You might wanna stay away from saying that.
Seth Rogen Jesus fucking Christ"?
Craig Robinson Yes.
Seth Rogen Why? Why can't I say that?
Craig Robinson One of the 10 Commandments: "Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".
Seth Rogen Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.
Craig Robinson Jesus, God. It's all the same.
Jay Baruchel It's the trinity.
Seth Rogen Jesus...
Craig Robinson Father, Son, Holy Ghost.
James Franco It's like Neapolitan ice cream.
Seth Rogen I don't even know what the fucking Commandments are.
James Franco Guys, I think this is sort of bullshit, because...we're all good people. I can look at each one of you in the eye, I know you're good.
Seth Rogen I'm good.
James Franco We're four actors, we bring joy to people's lives!
Jay Baruchel Yeah, but we don't do it for free, we get paid handsomely, much higher than the average profession.
James Franco It's not like it was just handed to any of us, we've worked really hard to be here.
Craig Robinson Yeah, pretend like it's hot when it's cold.
Seth Rogen Oh.
Craig Robinson You sitting on the beach, it's freezing, you in your drawers, talking about something, everybody's surfing.
Seth Rogen I think God might've just fucked up, made a mistake and left us behind by accident! I mean, he's got a lot of shit on his plate!
[whispering]
Craig Robinson It's not oversight, it's not a mistake. Okay, we gotta face facts, we're here and there's a reason we're all here.
James Franco Wh-Why you so sure?
Craig Robinson I've- I've done things, man, I... I gouged a man's eyeballs out.
[sighs]
Jay Baruchel What the?
Seth Rogen Oh, fuck off.
James Franco Craig.
Craig Robinson Well I was a kid, man, it was a fuckin bar fight. It was a bad football game, he said I didn't call spinneys and I fuckin called spinneys, he got all in my face and I smashed a bottle across his face...
Craig Robinson And the first eyeball was an accident, but then I was, like, fuck it. And I went for the second one.
Craig Robinson It was fucked up, but you know what? That shit happens, I'm saying that's... I think that's why I'm here.
James Franco I gotta admit something. I, uh.... I fucked ]. She was fucked up, she was high. It was at the ], she kept banging on my door.
[[w:Lindsay Lohan|Lindsay Lohan; [w:Chateau Marmont|Chateau Marmont]
James Franco She kept calling me ].
[[w:Jake Gyllenhaal|Jake Gyllenhaal]
Seth Rogen That's fucked up.
James Franco Yeah, I said, uh, "Call me the Prince of Persia".
Craig Robinson See, that's what I'm saying, man. We've all done bad shit, you know? We've done more bad shit than good in our lives and... It's time to pay the piper.
[sighs]
Seth Rogen Whoa.
James Franco Oh, shit! Something's wrong! God did this. He gave us light, and then he took it away.
[whispers; lights lighter]
Jay Baruchel You hear that?! It's the soundtrack of us going insane.
Craig Robinson Damn, I wish there was something we could do to help him.
[worried about Jonah, whispering]
Jay Baruchel I know what we can do.
[blows out lighter]
A Tense Conversation Between Two Characters
Winton Dean So, it's you, huh?
James Dean I need to talk to you.
Winton Dean Ethel's waiting for me.
James Dean Well, then why don't you let her wait?
Winton Dean Now, hold on, young man. Don't take that attitude with me.
James Dean No, I need to talk to you right now!
Winton Dean But I don't have to...
James Dean No, look! Everybody thinks I'm great except you!
Winton Dean Well, fine, listen to them...
James Dean Don't you read the paper?! I'm in the papers! Everybody wants to meet me except you! Why?! Why is that?!
Winton Dean The stupidest mistake you've ever made...
James Dean No shut up and listen to me! Why don't you talk to me?! You're my father! Please!
[grabs his father by the shirt]
Winton Dean I deserve some damn respect...
James Dean Dad, I was nine years old! Nine years old! Now open your mouth and talk to me!
Winton Dean Just calm down.
James Dean You talk to me! Dad, please! Please... Talk to me, please!
[grabbing his father; tearfully]
Unexpected Guests in a Lockdown Situation
James Franco Hi, this is James Franco, um, in my house in my library. Uh, we’ve been stuck here for about 24 hours. Danny McBride is here. Um, I didn’t even invite him to my party, but he came and passed out in the bathtub. I gotta say, it’s like typical fucking McBride. Like, I’ve been feeling really weird about him lately, like I don’t really know if I wanna be friends with him and, uh… then he fucking showed up at my party and now we’re stuck here with him, uh, in disaster lockdown, so, uh…
Danny McBride What up? What’s going on?
James Franco Hey, Danny, what’s up, man?
Danny McBride Not much. What are you doing? What is this?
James Franco Oh, it’s just a video confessional.
James Franco Fuck that dude!
Authenticity in Personal Identity
Scott Smith Are you on uppers or something?
Harvey Milk No, this is just plain old me.
James Dean Reflects on His Childhood
Elia Kazan Have a seat.
Elia Kazan Tell us about yourself, Jimmy.
James Dean Well, you know, there's not much to tell. I was born in Indiana and moved out to California when I was five, till I was nine. My mother died, and then I was sent back to Indiana to live with my aunt and uncle.
[pauses]
Elia Kazan What was it like living on a farm?
James Dean I wasn't much of a farmer. I rode on a motorcycle. I used to chase the cows, they'd start running and others swinging from side to side.
[laughs]
Elia Kazan How about your father?
[smiles]
James Dean Well, we don't really talk much. We don't like each other. In fact we hate each other. See I'm an actor cos it's the best way I know how to express myself, I'm not very good with talking. I think you can tell.
[starts jabbing the knife into his chair]
A Unique Perspective on Personal Space
Seth Rogen This place is beautiful, man.
James Franco This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside of me.
Seth Rogen You let us both cum inside you. Yeah.
James Franco Icing on the cake. Check it out. Painted them myself.
[shows Seth the painting on the wall]
Seth Rogen Huh!
James Franco Side by side. A team.
Seth Rogen Holy shit.
James Franco So, is it weird?
Seth Rogen No.
James Franco You sure?
Seth Rogen I really like it.
James Franco What do you think, Jay?
Jay Baruchel I’m not a big art guy.
James Franco You don’t like art?
Jay Baruchel Well, come on.
James Franco You play video games?
Jay Baruchel Yes.
James Franco Well, guess what, buddy? You like art.
Jay Baruchel Yep.
James Franco You ever been to Subway?
Jay Baruchel Yes.
James Franco You order a sandwich? Somebody put that together for you, dude. That’s art.
Seth Rogen Sandwich artist.
James Franco So let me lay this on you, Jay.
Jay Baruchel Oh, fuck…
James Franco Your mama's pussy was the canvas, your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art, huh?
Jay Baruchel Thanks, James Franco.
James Franco You got it.
Arrival in a Mysterious Land
Oz Where...Where am I exactly?
Theodora Where do you think you are?
Oz I have no idea. It's...It's like no place I've ever seen.
Theodora You're in Oz.
Redemption and Rejection in Oz's Encounter
Oz Theodora! I know your wickedness is not your doing, and should you ever find the goodness within you, you are welcome to return.
[Theodora stops]
Theodora NEVER!!!'.
[pauses, as if considering; she flies away, cackling madly]
Caesar's Remarkable Cognitive Development Explained
Will Rodman Right away, Caesar displayed signs of intelligence heightened intelligence, so I kept him and brought my work home. By 18 months, Caesar was signing up to 24 words. By age two, Caesar completing puzzles and models designed for children eight years and up. At age three, Caesar continues to show cognative skills that far exceed that of his human counterpart. He completed the Lucas Tower in 15 moves, a perfect score. I maintain my hypothesis that A. the green in his eyes indicates that the ALZ-112 was passed genetically from mother to son and B., that in the absence of damaged cells that need replacing, the drug in his system has radically boosted healthy brain functioning.
Setting Boundaries in Personal Relationships
James Dean Tell ] and your crazy mother, to stay out of our lives!
[to Pier Angeli; [w:Vic Damone|Vic Damone]
Voting Off the Island Discussion
Danny McBride This how you all feel?
Seth Rogen We talked about it.
Danny McBride You guys are gonna vote me off the island? I mean, I made you guys breakfast.
James Franco Oh, shit, man, you wasted half of our food when you did that.
Danny McBride Just thought I was doing something nice for you guys. Just to apologize for my behavior at the party. Party I wasn’t even invited to. I’m not an idiot. I know why you guys don’t fucking call me or hang out with me anymore. It’s because I party so fucking hard. Always have, ever since I was a baby, I wouldn’t just suck on my mama’s titties, I would fuckin’ bang them and motorboat them. Everything I’ve been doing has just been a cry for help. When I came on your magazine, James, it was a cum for help. I’ve just been crying and cumming and crying and cumming. Tears from the tip of my penis, dudes.
James Franco I’m sorry, all right? You can cum wherever you want.
Danny McBride I don’t even care about cumming anymore. Right now, I’m just kind of into going.
Conflict Over Ethics and Ambition
Steven Jacobs Will, I'll tell you exactly what we're dealing with, here. We're dealing with a drug that is worth more than everything else we are developing, combined. You make history, I make money. Isn't that our arrangement?
Will Rodman No! There are risks.
Steven Jacobs Don't you tell me about risks. You give your own father an experimental drug. I could finish your career with one phone call.
Will Rodman I'll save you the trouble. I quit.
Steven Jacobs We will proceed without you.
Will Rodman Look ... You do not know what you're doing. These tests need to be contained. You have no idea if the 113 is stable, what kind of damage it can do to people ...
Steven Jacobs Well, that is why we test it on chimps, ... isn't it?
Embracing Dreams in New York City
James Dean I decided to move to New York. Every actor I cared about, Brando, Clift, even Whitmore, all worked in New York. New York was big and lonely. I loved it. Being a struggling actor in New York in the 1950s was the best, it was the right place at the right time. Stop worrying about my mother and father for a while. I was dead broke, didn't matter, cause I was home.
[voice over]
Confrontation Over Belief in the Wizard
Theodora OUT OF MY WAY! Give up, Glinda. Why do you continue to resist?
[Laughing; flies into the city on her broom, causing the citizens to jump aside in fright; she lands in front of Glinda, stares at her for a moment, then kneels so that they are eye-to-eye]
Glinda Because I believe in the Wizard.
Theodora So did I, once. Behold. LOOK! Your Wizard!
[her face darkens with rage; stands up, pointing to Oz's balloon full of stolen gold, rising over the city]
Citizen 1 Where is he going?
Citizen 2 He's abandoning us!
[sadly]
Citizen 3 How could he?
[sadly]
Glinda No!
China Girl No!
[starts to cry]
Evanora Ohh...Not so Great and Powerful, after all.
[mockingly]
Oz Hey. Hello, Monkey.
[in Winkie voice; Finley looks up, and the Winkie pulls back the brim of his helmet to reveal Oz, grinning]
Finley Oz! I thought you were dead-
[beams, hugs him]
Oz Shh...You were crying pretty hard - was that for me?
Finley Oh...no, some of the smoke got in my eyes!
Oz Oh, right.
[laughs]
Finley Wow, you fooled everybody - That was your greatest trick yet!
Oz That was just the opening act.
[grins]
Evanora Let this be the final word! Your prophecy is dead. Like the king who spoke it, and the wizard who tried to fulfill it! All dead!
[to the Citizens; Oz and Finley glance nervously in her direction as she and Theodora step forward on either side of Glinda]
Oz It's showtime.
[to Finley; leads him towards the projection-booth carriage, where the Master Tinker and Knuck are beckoning them]
Theodora And they will be joined in death, by Glinda the Good! Farewell.
[to the Citizens; the citizens watch sadly as Theodora and Evanora close on Glinda]
Evanora Say hello to your daddy for me.
[she and Theodora conjure green lightning and red flames, respectively, and begin charging up their magical energies for the killing blow]
Glinda The dreams of the people live on.
Oz Fear me not, good people of Oz! Fear me not! For it is I: the great and powerful Wizard of Oz!
[thunderously]
Evanora More tricks?! After everything?! How dare you defy us?!
Oz Dare"?! How dare you, wicked sisters?! No-one defies Oz!
[thunderously; the citizens cheer]
Evanora Guards! Destroy him!
Guard Officer Forward! Attack! .
[They throw javelins, to no avail. Oz laughs; the guards retreat]
Evanora Guards! Come back here in an instant!
Oz You thought you could kill me?! Me?! Thanks to you, I have shed my mortal shell and taken my true ethereal form. I am now more powerful than ever! I am invincible! You still doubt me?!
[thunderously]
Theodora Doubt you? I defy you! .
[throws a fireball; Finley pulls a lever; Oz's image fades]
Evanora Beautifully done, sister.
Theodora Thank you.
Finley Hurry! You're taking too much time!
Oz Hold… hold…
Finley They think they're winning!
Oz Put it back on!
Oz What're you doing? Put it back on!
Tinker Loose wire. Screw's stuck!
Oz Hold on! Use this!
[gives him a tool]
Tinker Got it.
Oz Great.
Theodora This can't be!
Oz You cannot defeat me! I am immortal! I am the great and powerful Wizard of Oz! Now, witness and observe, as I unleash the ]! Behold!
[laughs, then thunderously; the citizens cheer; [stars]
Glinda So those are fireworks.
[sotto voce]
Evanora He is the Wizard.
[retreats]
Knuck We got Evanora! She's on the run!
Oz Alright! We got one!
Theodora Come back, you coward! And you said I was the weak one!
Misunderstanding Over a Prop Gun
Danny McBride Thank you, James. It means a lot to you, and I appreciate that you’d give this to me. Stupid. Stupid motherfucker!
James Franco Fucking psychopath!
Danny McBride What the...?
James Franco It's a prop gun! What, do you think I'd put real bullets in here?
[takes the revolver back]
Danny McBride You were gonna send me out there with a fucking gun filled with blanks?
Seth Rogen Oh, fuck you! Don't turn this around on us. You tried to shoot us, you fucking dickhead!
James Franco Fucking murdering motherfucker!
Danny McBride Whatever. Fucking civilization is broken down. There's no more reason for this false bullshit. You guys act like you're so fucking high and mighty like you've never made a goddamn mistake before. Franco, you're some pretentious fucking nerd.
James Franco Fuck you.
Danny McBride Jonah... you fucking cunt. Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You fucking disappoint me.
[Jonah glares at him offensively]
Craig Robinson Bro.
Danny McBride Seth... you duplicitous taint.
Seth Rogen What?
Danny McBride And of course, there's Jay... the self-righteous, cock-sucking, two-faced backstabber.
Jay Baruchel What the fuck are you talking about?
Danny McBride I overheard your little conversation with Craig, alright? The only reason why you care about any of us is because you think that's what God wants you to do. You don't give a shit about us.
Jay Baruchel No, no, no, no. That-that's fucking twisting that shit around, you're fucking lying.
Danny McBride Am I twisting this? I believe you were in Los Angeles two months ago at the four seasons. I saw you there, and you specifically asked me not to tell Seth, so you could maintain the illusion that you always stay with Seth when you're in Los Angeles.
Craig Robinson Ooh! Jay.
Seth Rogen Fuck, man.
Danny McBride It's not, it's textbook twattage. And just for the record, you guys. I'm choosing to leave. You're not kicking me out. You guys had already said that I could come back in, and I'm the one who said that I'm not coming back in. Don't be cocky.
[opens his hands like a book and closes them]
Will Rodman's Urgent Call to Caesar
Will Rodman (shouting) Caesar, stop!
A Plea for Understanding and Belonging
Will Rodman This is my fault. This has to stop. This isn't the way. You know what they're capable of. Please come home. If you come home, I'll protect you.
Caesar Caesar is home.
Survival and Tension Among Friends
Danny McBride Franco! Good morning, sunshine!
James Franco Guys, guys, wake up! Danny’s alive! He’s eating all the fucking food!
Jonah Hill Danny!
Danny McBride No, it’s cool, man. I fucking made this for you guys!
Seth Rogen Stop eating!
Jay Baruchel Don’t eat another piece of bacon!
Danny McBride Guys just chill the fuck out, okay? I’m sure the ] can fucking afford some more bacon.
[[w:Green Goblin|Green Goblin]
Craig Robinson Dude, that shit’s supposed to last us ‘till we get rescued!
Danny McBride Wait a second. I know what happened. You guys dropped acid, didn’t you? Mm-hmm. Craig doesn’t have any pants on. He got fucking wild, probably danced and sweated all over the place. You got white shit all over your mouth, Franco. You probably sucked somebody’s dick. Jonah over here probably washed and jerked off. Jay, I didn’t even know you were in town. Good to see you.
Seth Rogen Danny, we’re not on acid! We didn’t suck each other’s dicks!
Danny McBride James Franco didn’t suck any dick last night? Now I know you all are tripping.
Seth Rogen Do you actually not know what happened last night?
Jonah Hill Daniel, you may want to stay seated for a second. Some really messed up stuff happened, and there were a lot of fatalities.
Danny McBride Oh, really? You’re putting your serious voice on, Jonah? Okay tell me about these "fatalities.
Craig Robinson Dude, ]’s dead, ] is dead, Michael Cera’s dead.
[[w:Jason Segel|Segel; [w:David Krumholtz|Krumholtz]
Danny McBride Guess if Michael Cera’s gone, it’s not a total loss, huh?
[laughing]
Jay Baruchel Jesus, Danny!
Danny McBride Michael Cera’s dead.
Jay Baruchel It’s not like that.
James Franco It’s not funny, man. It’s really not funny.
Danny McBride Seth, that’s a better performance than you’ve given in your last six movies. Where the fuck was that in ], huh? Jonah, you’re fucking sucking balls. You’re an Academy award nominated person. You need to be fucking selling that shit, dude. "Fatalities, there were some fatalities.
[[The Green Hornet (film)|Green Hornet]
Jonah Hill Fatalities.
Danny McBride Okay, now that was good. That was good.
Seth Rogen Does it seem like we’re fucking joking?
Desperation in a Life-or-Death Situation
Aron Ralston What you're looking at there is my arm, going into the rock... and there it is, stuck. It's been without circulation for 24 hours. It's pretty well gone. If the color doesn't come across on the video, it's grey and blue. Unnhhhhh.......I can't take it in my ass anymore.
Strength Beyond Appearances in Oz
China Girl But...I wanna go with you.
Oz What, on a witch hunt? Nah, you're just a little girl.
China Girl I'm not as delicate as I look!
[kicks Oz in the leg]
Oz That didn't hurt.
[smirks]
China Girl I'm coming with you!
[stubbornly]
Oz Listen, we have one rule in show business - never work with kids or animals... ...And I'm already working with this thing. Relax. The answer is No. No, no. Don't-Don't do that. You'll be fine.
[points at Finley; Finley growls at him; back to China Girl; China Girl starts crying, hoping to get sympathy]
Confronting Unacceptable Behavior Among Friends
Emma Watson Back the fuck up!
[Holding an axe]
James Franco Emma, what's wrong?
Seth Rogen W-W-W-What's wrong?
Emma Watson What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape me.
All No! No, no, no, no!
Seth Rogen I got it, I got it, no, it's funny, it's funny. We were specifically talking about not raping you... OH!
[Emma hits Seth's nose with the back of her axe]
Jay Baruchel Holy shit!
Emma Watson BACK UP!
[swishes her axe around]
Jonah Hill It's me, Jonah! It's me, Jonah Hill, America's sweetheart, J-bug, J-bone, your friend! I would never hurt you...
Emma Watson GET BACK! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO DRINK, PUT IT IN THE BAG!
Seth Rogen There's six of us, YOU CANNOT ROB US!
Emma Watson I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!
[chops off a fake penis using her axe]
Craig Robinson GIVE HER DRINKS!
James Franco Okay!
Craig Robinson GIVE HER DRINKS! PUT THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!
Danny McBride Oh, God!
Craig Robinson PUT ALL THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!
Emma Watson HURRY THE FUCK UP!
Jay Baruchel Okay, they're getting the drinks, put the axe down!
Craig Robinson Don't give the Milky Way away!
Jay Baruchel Put the axe down now!
Danny McBride Okay? NOW, FRANCO, SHOOT HER FACE, SHOOT HER!
James Franco I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT EMMA WATSON! Look, Emma. Just stay here with us, it's a lot safer than out there.
[to Danny; to Emma]
Danny McBride ] just stole all of our shit.
[[w:Hermione Granger|Hermione]
Craig Robinson Little bitty ass, um, 20-year-old jacked us.
Danny McBride Then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone.
Jay Baruchel I didn't... I was just... I...
Danny McBride I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about fucking two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.
Craig Robinson So now, um, motherfuckers is thirsty.
Confrontation Over Offense in Acting Context
Elia Kazan What the hell were you thinking in there? Raymond Massey is a highly respected actor and you've deeply offended him.
[after Dean insults [[w:Raymond Massey|Raymond Massey]
James Dean He said I offended him?
[playing a flute]
Elia Kazan Of course you deeply offended him.
James Dean Good.
[continues playing his flute]
Elia Kazan Why good?
[angrily grabs the flute off him]
James Dean Cos I need him to hate me.
Desperation for a breakthrough in gene therapy
Will Rodman My father's immune system continues to reject the 112 virus, rendering the gene therapy obsolete. His health is deteriorating, and the disease is progressing rapidly. I need a more aggressive virus strain, a faster delivery method, because at this rate...I can't lose them both. I won't lose them both.
Aron Ralston's Self-Reflection in Canyonlands
Aron Ralston Good morning everyone! It is seven o’clock here, in Canyonlands, U.S.A. And this morning, on the boulder, we have a very special guest, self-proclaimed American super hero… Aron Ralston! Let’s hear it from Aron! Hi, oh, gosh, it’s, it’s a real pleasure to be here, thank you. Thank you. Hey, can I say “hi” to my mom and dad? Mom and dad? Mustn’t forget mom and dad, right Aron? Yeah, that’s right. Hey mom. I’m really sorry I… I didn’t answer the phone the other night. If I had I would have told you where I was going and then… I probably wouldn’t be here right now. That’s for sure! But like I always say: “Your supreme selfishness, is our gain”. Thank you Aron. Anyone else you’d like to say “hi” to? Brian at work. - Hi, Aron. Hey, I probably won’t be making it in to work today. Ha-ha-ha. Get a load of this guy! Oh, wait, hold on. We’ve got a question coming in from another Aron, in Loser Canyon, Utah. Aron asks: Am I right in thinking even if Brian from work notifies the police, they’ll put a 24-hour hold on it before they file a missing persons report, which means you won’t become officially missing until midday Wednesday at the earliest? Yeah, you’re right on the money there, Aron. Which means, I’ll probably be dead by then. Aron, from Loser Canyon, Utah, how do you know so much? Well, I’ll tell you how I know so much. I volunteer for the rescue service. You see, I’m some kind of a… well a big fucking heart hero. And I can do everything on my own, you see? I do see! Now… is it true that despite, or maybe because you’re a big fucking heart hero, you didn’t tell anyone where you were going? Oh, Yeah, that’s absolutely correct. Anyone? Anyone. Oops. Oops. Oops.