James FrancoQuotes

Winton Dean: Beautiful view.

James Dean: This is uh, where my house is gonna be. And I own that land over there, too.

Winton Dean: Nice car.

James Dean: Yeah, it's aluminum. They only made 30.

Winton Dean: Must have cost a lot.

James Dean: Well, I got a lot.

Winton Dean: Yeah, this town is yours, isn't it?

James Dean: I'm doing pretty good. You like LA, father?

Winton Dean: Do I like LA? Hm. Well, I'll tell you something, young man, if I could find the edge of this town, I'd leave it. But you're the edge of this town now. And you are everywhere.

James Dean: [short pause] Why'd you do it, father? Why - Why'd you send me away? Why didn't you come to mother's funeral? Just talk to me.

Winton Dean: Yes, but I don't have to talk to you.

James Dean: You're my father.

Winton Dean: No, I'm not. I'm not your father, and your mother told me that. Yeah. Your mother, my wife, told me that I'm not- Well, I might not be your dad. Told me just before she died. She wanted to set things straight, I guess. See, when she was eighteen years old, she started seeing this other guy. He was married with kids and... she couldn't break it off, I guess. A couple of weeks after we were married, she found out that she's pregnant with you. And not knowing, I was the happiest man alive... for about nine years. But then, she just had to tell me the truth. And I just couldn't live with that. Yeah, you know, your mother was brave. Telling me the truth like she did. And I was... too prideful. I couldn't find the damn courage to forgive her. And so I got cheated out of my wife, and I cheated myself, out of having you as my son. And I'm proud of you, Jim. And I'm sorry that I acted so bad to you all these years.

Winton Dean: So, it's you, huh?

James Dean: I need to talk to you.

Winton Dean: Ethel's waiting for me.

James Dean: Well, then why don't you let her wait?

Winton Dean: Now, hold on, young man. Don't take that attitude with me.

James Dean: No, I need to talk to you right now!

Winton Dean: But I don't have to...

James Dean: No, look! Everybody thinks I'm great except you!

Winton Dean: Well, fine, listen to them...

James Dean: Don't you read the paper?! I'm in the papers! Everybody wants to meet me except you! Why?! Why is that?!

Winton Dean: The stupidest mistake you've ever made...

James Dean: [grabs his father by the shirt] No shut up and listen to me! Why don't you talk to me?! You're my father! Please!

Winton Dean: I deserve some damn respect...

James Dean: Dad, I was nine years old! Nine years old! Now open your mouth and talk to me!

Winton Dean: Just calm down.

James Dean: [grabbing his father; tearfully] You talk to me! Dad, please! Please... Talk to me, please!

James Dean: [voice over; [w:George Stevens|George Stevens] When I started shooting Giant, nothing went right between the director, ], and me. Maybe it was because I missed Pier. Or maybe it was because Stevens reminded me of my father.

George Stevens: Where the hell is he?

Assistant Director: I'm sorry, Mr. Stevens, but he won't come to the set. He said you kept him waiting too long between takes.

George Stevens: [shocked] What?

Assistant Director: He says he's done for the day.

George Stevens: [short pause] Come on, I'll take care of it.

George Stevens: Jim, we're ready to shoot.

James Dean: Not me. Not today.

George Stevens: Come on, son, let's go. The well's rigged, we're losing the light, let's get out on the set.

James Dean: [goes back to his trailer] You know, you keep me waiting hours preparing for some scene. You never even get around to shooting. So I ain't working today. And you do it again, I'm gonna take two days, and then three.

George Stevens: [to his assistant] All right. Put Dean's clothes on his stand-in, we're shooting without him.

James Dean: [[w:Rock Hudson|Rock Hudson] Come on! Come on! You can push that mug ] around, but not me! You don't know what acting is, you stupid son of a bitch! Come on, old man! Come on!

Assistant Director: [they both walk away] I guess that's a wrap for today.

Jack Warner: I love you and I hate you.

James Dean: I hate you, and I hate you.

Jack Warner: [on the Porsche 550 Spyder race car; looks at Dean who smiles; Dean nods] You know that uh, car racing is for idiots. Well, you're working for me, and I say "no racing cars". You find that funny, huh? I'm signing a deal that would pay you a million dollars and for a millions dollars I'm telling you, no more racing cars.

James Dean: When I'm not shooting...

Jack Warner: Beg your pardon?

James Dean: When I'm not shooting, I'm on my own, Jack. If you don't like that, you can take...

Jack Warner: [stops Dean] Oh, oh, oh, oh. You're gonna say something you're gonna regret.

James Dean: Smile, Jack.

Jack Warner: [notices a photographer wanting to take their picture] Why? Oh.

Jack Warner: [on the car] Get rid of it.

Nicholas Ray: [[Rebel Without a Cause|Rebel; [w:Natalie Wood|Natalie Wood; Dean shrugs] Always knew I was gonna get an actor like you for ]. I think... divine fate calls the shots for a director like me. You know what I mean? Brando. What, are they kidding? Brando is too old, man. You are fresh. You are perfect for this part. Perfect! We just gotta... We gotta find somebody... somebody great for the girl. What about ]? Huh? No, really, what do you think of her, huh? I wanna know. I really wanna know. Because, Jimmy, it's just you and I. We are on this quest together, baby. All the way down the line. Huh, what do you think?

James Dean: She's a child star, man.

Nicholas Ray: [[w:Pietà|Pieta] Child star, huh? Jimmy, this girl is seventeen years old, and she is built like the ]. I know. She doesn't look it, right? But I'm telling you that underneath those simple little childish cotton frocks, she is built like a marble masterpiece. Jimmy. Jimmy, listen to me.

James Dean: What?

Nicholas Ray: [[w:Helen Hayes|Helen Hayes'] You're young. You're wonderful and you're young, but if you'd have been there for the start of ] career, you would know what I see in this girl. Genius. Pure genius. That's what I see in you, Jimmy. Genius! Man, Rebel Without a Cause is gonna be the first visionary movie ever made about teenagers. You mark my word. Mark my word! You like jazz?

James Dean: Yeah, I like jazz.

Nicholas Ray: [[w:Chet Baker|Chet Baker] ] mean anything to you?

James Dean: Yeah.

Nicholas Ray: He's playing down on the beach tonight. You want to go?

James Dean: Yeah, I'd love to.

Nicholas Ray: Solid, baby. Solid.

Elia Kazan: Have a seat.

Elia Kazan: Tell us about yourself, Jimmy.

James Dean: [pauses] Well, you know, there's not much to tell. I was born in Indiana and moved out to California when I was five, till I was nine. My mother died, and then I was sent back to Indiana to live with my aunt and uncle.

Elia Kazan: What was it like living on a farm?

James Dean: [laughs] I wasn't much of a farmer. I rode on a motorcycle. I used to chase the cows, they'd start running and others swinging from side to side.

Elia Kazan: [smiles] How about your father?

James Dean: [starts jabbing the knife into his chair] Well, we don't really talk much. We don't like each other. In fact we hate each other. See I'm an actor cos it's the best way I know how to express myself, I'm not very good with talking. I think you can tell.

Martin Landau: [about an audition] You never know. I mean look at me; when I tried out for "Tennessee Williams" I thought I was terrible.

James Dean: You were terrible... you didn't get the part.

Martin Landau: Just a detail.

Martin Landau: What's your name?

James Dean: I can't decide.

Martin Landau: What are your choices?

James Dean: I've got James Dean, Jimmy Dean, Byron Dean.

Martin Landau: Which one's your real name?

James Dean: James. Byron's my middle name.

Martin Landau: Go with your real name.

James Dean: You think?

Martin Landau: I know. Jimmy's an eight year old boy, and Byron's a dead poet with a crooked foot.

James Dean: [laughs] James is king. What's your name?

Martin Landau: Martin Landau.

James Dean: Where are you from?

Martin Landau: Why? Do you wanna come home and meet my mom?

James Dean: Yeah, can she cook?

Martin Landau: You like matzo ball soup?

James Dean: My favourite.

Martin Landau: You're invited. Where you living?

James Dean: Some dirt-hole rented room.

Martin Landau: What number you got?

James Dean: 231.

Martin Landau: 1216. Let's cut out, man. Cattle calls are for losers.

James Dean: They are?

Martin Landau: Unless you got an agent sending you in, you're kidding yourself.

James Dean: All right.

James Dean: You got an agent?

Martin Landau: If I had an agent, would I be blowing my time with a goof like you? Come on!

James Dean: Hey, whose Brando's agent in New York?

Elia Kazan: [after Dean insults [[w:Raymond Massey|Raymond Massey] What the hell were you thinking in there? Raymond Massey is a highly respected actor and you've deeply offended him.

James Dean: [playing a flute] He said I offended him?

Elia Kazan: Of course you deeply offended him.

James Dean: [continues playing his flute] Good.

Elia Kazan: [angrily grabs the flute off him] Why good?

James Dean: Cos I need him to hate me.

James Dean: [to director George Stevens] You know, you keep me waiting hours preparing for some scene. You never even get around to shooting. So I ain't working today. And you do it again, I'm gonna take two days, and then three.

James Dean: I'm not even interested in this glitzy glamour crap! All right! If you wanna wear monkey suits! That's fine! Not me!

James Dean: [to [[w:Julie Harris|Julie Harris] ], after the filming for East of Eden is finished] It's over. You know, this- this is like my family, and... I can't just let that go.

James Dean: [to Pier Angeli; [w:Vic Damone|Vic Damone] Tell ] and your crazy mother, to stay out of our lives!

James Dean: I'm playing the drums! Go to hell!

James Dean: [voice over] I decided to move to New York. Every actor I cared about, Brando, Clift, even Whitmore, all worked in New York. New York was big and lonely. I loved it. Being a struggling actor in New York in the 1950s was the best, it was the right place at the right time. Stop worrying about my mother and father for a while. I was dead broke, didn't matter, cause I was home.

James Dean: I don't want to be just good. I want to be great.

James Dean: [voice over, opening lines] My mother made me promise to be an artist. She taught me that imagination can take a person anywhere. Mine took me from Indiana, to Broadway, to Hollywood. She was right.

Fabious: Who's the prince with the most dashing moustache?

Isolde: If things were different. If we lived in a place without duty... would you be with me?

Tristan: That place does not exist.

Isolde: I'll pretend it's you.

Tristan: You're promised?

Isolde: Yes.

Tristan: What's he like?

Isolde: Dark. Tall. Nearly twice your size. An absolute gentleman.

Tristan: I thought... earlier when you spoke of wanting something you can't have.

Isolde: I didn't know what I was talking about.

Isolde: Outside, just past that bluff there is a boat. That's how you should go when you leave. You should go soon.

Tristan: How do you feel?

Isolde: I don't know.

Isolde: How many did you love before me?

Tristan: None.

Isolde: And after me?

Tristan: None.

Tristan: You were right. I don't know if life is better than death. But love was more than either.

Tristan: Marke delivered me from that place when I was a boy. You ran. So you can understand that when I think of Kings I think of him. When I think of cowards...

Glinda: For the record, I knew you’d had it in you all along.

Oz: Greatness?

Glinda: No...better than that: Goodness.

Master Tinker: Now, Knuck.

Oz: [Theodora stops] Theodora! I know your wickedness is not your doing, and should you ever find the goodness within you, you are welcome to return.

Theodora: [pauses, as if considering; she flies away, cackling madly] NEVER!!!'.

Theodora: [Laughing; flies into the city on her broom, causing the citizens to jump aside in fright; she lands in front of Glinda, stares at her for a moment, then kneels so that they are eye-to-eye] OUT OF MY WAY! Give up, Glinda. Why do you continue to resist?

Glinda: Because I believe in the Wizard.

Theodora: [her face darkens with rage; stands up, pointing to Oz's balloon full of stolen gold, rising over the city] So did I, once. Behold. LOOK! Your Wizard!

Citizen 1: Where is he going?

Citizen 2: [sadly] He's abandoning us!

Citizen 3: [sadly] How could he?

Glinda: No!

China Girl: [starts to cry] No!

Evanora: [mockingly] Ohh...Not so Great and Powerful, after all.

Oz: [in Winkie voice; Finley looks up, and the Winkie pulls back the brim of his helmet to reveal Oz, grinning] Hey. Hello, Monkey.

Finley: [beams, hugs him] Oz! I thought you were dead-

Oz: Shh...You were crying pretty hard - was that for me?

Finley: Oh...no, some of the smoke got in my eyes!

Oz: [laughs] Oh, right.

Finley: Wow, you fooled everybody - That was your greatest trick yet!

Oz: [grins] That was just the opening act.

Evanora: [to the Citizens; Oz and Finley glance nervously in her direction as she and Theodora step forward on either side of Glinda] Let this be the final word! Your prophecy is dead. Like the king who spoke it, and the wizard who tried to fulfill it! All dead!

Oz: [to Finley; leads him towards the projection-booth carriage, where the Master Tinker and Knuck are beckoning them] It's showtime.

Theodora: [to the Citizens; the citizens watch sadly as Theodora and Evanora close on Glinda] And they will be joined in death, by Glinda the Good! Farewell.

Evanora: [she and Theodora conjure green lightning and red flames, respectively, and begin charging up their magical energies for the killing blow] Say hello to your daddy for me.

Glinda: The dreams of the people live on.

Oz: [thunderously] Fear me not, good people of Oz! Fear me not! For it is I: the great and powerful Wizard of Oz!

Evanora: More tricks?! After everything?! How dare you defy us?!

Oz: [thunderously; the citizens cheer] Dare"?! How dare you, wicked sisters?! No-one defies Oz!

Evanora: Guards! Destroy him!

Guard Officer: [They throw javelins, to no avail. Oz laughs; the guards retreat] Forward! Attack! .

Evanora: Guards! Come back here in an instant!

Oz: [thunderously] You thought you could kill me?! Me?! Thanks to you, I have shed my mortal shell and taken my true ethereal form. I am now more powerful than ever! I am invincible! You still doubt me?!

Theodora: [throws a fireball; Finley pulls a lever; Oz's image fades] Doubt you? I defy you! .

Evanora: Beautifully done, sister.

Theodora: Thank you.

Finley: Hurry! You're taking too much time!

Oz: Hold… hold…

Finley: They think they're winning!

Oz: Put it back on!

Oz: What're you doing? Put it back on!

Tinker: Loose wire. Screw's stuck!

Oz: [gives him a tool] Hold on! Use this!

Tinker: Got it.

Oz: Great.

Theodora: This can't be!

Oz: [laughs, then thunderously; the citizens cheer; [stars] You cannot defeat me! I am immortal! I am the great and powerful Wizard of Oz! Now, witness and observe, as I unleash the ]! Behold!

Glinda: [sotto voce] So those are fireworks.

Evanora: [retreats] He is the Wizard.

Knuck: We got Evanora! She's on the run!

Oz: Alright! We got one!

Theodora: Come back, you coward! And you said I was the weak one!

Glinda: Would you stop that? A con man couldn't have done all this. You're much more than that.

Oz: Then I've got you fooled too.

Glinda: The only person you've got fooled is yourself.

Oz: This is all very impressive, but you still haven't told me how you plan to get this thing into the Emerald City.

Glinda: Relax. I know someone.

Oz: What do you mean you know someone?

Knuck: Hello, Wizard.

Oz: Well, well, well. If it isn't old Sourpuss.

Knuck: My name is Knuck!

Glinda: Now you two be nice to each other.

Knuck: Let's move it, Wizard!

Oz: Can you give me a break?

Knuck: I'll break yo nose!

Oz: Glinda, I've got it!

Glinda: What have you got?

Oz: [puts a book down on her desk] I've got a way out of this mess.

Glinda: What is this?

Oz: [Glinda picks up and starts flipping through the book: ''Mastering Magic''] A battle plan. It's all in there: Illusion, misdirects, slight of hand...Look, I know I'm not the wizard you were expecting, but I might just be the wizard you need.

Glinda: You said you were just a conman.

Oz: Precisely.

Glinda: Nothing but a trickster?

Oz: Yes.

Glinda: A terrible cheat?

Oz: The best there is.

Glinda: Carnival magician's going to put on a show.

Oz: [[Magic; [Mystery] I'll put on the show of a lifetime, the likes of which the land of Oz has never seen! ]. ]. PRESTIDIGITATION! It'll be my greatest trick yet.

Theodora: [arriving in Glinda's kingdom in her new form; jumps in front of the Tinkers. They recoil in fright; levitates over to the Quadlings] There's so much good here...It sickens me. Still think your wizard can save you? FROM THE LIKES OF ME?! SPEAK UP...or I will tear out your tongue!

Oz: [to Glinda] Now, who's that?

Theodora: [spins around, swoops toward Oz and Glinda] Don't you recognize me, Wizard? Have I changed so much?

Oz: [shocked] Theodora?

Theodora: [bows mockingly; levitates Oz and makes him dance] May I have this dance?

Oz: Hey! Hey! Whoa! I get it! You're a little upset!

Glinda: Theodora, stop! You'll hurt him!

Oz: Theodora...What happened to you?!

Theodora: [conjures up a fireball and is about to throw it at Oz] You happened to me!

Glinda: [uses her wand to extinguish the fireball; points her wand at Theodora] This isn't you, it's your sister. She's worked her magic on you. I'd hoped you'd be able to see through her...

Theodora: [walks slowly towards Glinda and Oz] Oh, Glinda...So naïve. Just like your father. That's why it was so easy for my sister to kill him.

Glinda: [sadly] She only killed a man... Not what he believed in.

Female Quadling: [brandishes her broomstick at Theodora] Begone, witch, before the Wizard makes mush of you!

Theodora: [sarcastically; bitterly; to Glinda; lifts Glinda's chin with her nail and chuckles coldly] Ohh...how sweet. You all believe in him! Well, so did I, once. And as for you, my pretty one... When I return with my sister and her army, the Yellow Brick Road will be red with the blood of every tinker, farmer, and Munchkin in your kingdom.

Glinda: [firmly] You underestimate us, Theodora. We are a strong and united people...And now, the Wizard is here to lead us.

Theodora: [turns to face Glinda's people; magically summons the female Quadling's broom; as soon as it touches her hand, it turns black; flies away on the broom laughing viciously] And as for your Wizard...he will be the first to die, and you will all see that he is nothing but a deceitful, selfish, and extremely mortal man! Give me that! It was a broom that you wanted...Wasn't it, Wizard?

Oz: [whispering to Glinda, as her city celebrates his arrival] You know, I should tell you, I might not actually be a wizard...

Glinda: Yes, I know.

Oz: Oh?

Glinda: Well, at least not any kind of wizard we were expecting.

Oz: Uh, you could tell?

Glinda: Yes. I can also tell you're weak, selfish, slightly egotistical, and a fibber.

Oz: I see. Anything you don't know about me?

Glinda: Whether or not you'll save my people.

Oz: Ah, no, I just told you I'm not the wizard.

Glinda: [sadly] But they don't know that. If you can make them believe, then you're wizard enough. These are desperate times, after all. Can you make them believe?

Oz: [nervously; [gold] Um...Will I...still get that ]?

Glinda: [surprised; nods her head yes] Ah...

Oz: [to the crowd] Good people of Oz. Your wizard is here!

Oz: [traveling by bubble to Glinda's kingdom; notices the bubble around the castle] These things go kind of fast, huh? Hey, is-is that a wall?

Glinda: Of sorts. It repels our enemies; it protects us from harm.

Oz: But we're headed straight for it.

Glinda: [cheerfully] Yes, we are.

Oz: [nervously; panicking] And going very fast. How do you, uh...? Does this thing have any brakes? I'm going too fast! I'm gonna die!

Glinda: [calmly; with realization] You needn't worry, Wizard. It's a magic wall, and all good-hearted souls get to pass through.

Oz: [still panicking] I'M GONNA DIE!!!

China Girl: But...I wanna go with you.

Oz: What, on a witch hunt? Nah, you're just a little girl.

China Girl: [kicks Oz in the leg] I'm not as delicate as I look!

Oz: [smirks] That didn't hurt.

China Girl: [stubbornly] I'm coming with you!

Oz: [points at Finley; Finley growls at him; back to China Girl; China Girl starts crying, hoping to get sympathy] Listen, we have one rule in show business - never work with kids or animals... ...And I'm already working with this thing. Relax. The answer is No. No, no. Don't-Don't do that. You'll be fine.

Oz: [[dance; Theodora looks startled] May I have this ], milady? Now you're gonna tell me no one's ever asked you to dance before.

Theodora: [sadly] No one ever has.

Oz: [smiles] Then it's high time you learned.

Oz: [to Theodora] Where's your broom?

Theodora: [[witch] You don't know much about ]es, do you?

Oz: Where...Where am I exactly?

Theodora: Where do you think you are?

Oz: I have no idea. It's...It's like no place I've ever seen.

Theodora: You're in Oz.

Oz: I have everything I ever wanted.

Oz: How hard can it be to kill a Wicked Witch?

Oz: Oz? That's my name. Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. But everyone calls me Oz.

Oz: [stuck in the tornado] I don't want to die! I haven't accomplished anything yet! Please!

Oz: Kansas is full of good men. I don't want to be a good man...I want to be a great one.

Scott Smith: Are you on uppers or something?

Harvey Milk: No, this is just plain old me.

Aron Ralston: Good morning everyone! It is seven o’clock here, in Canyonlands, U.S.A. And this morning, on the boulder, we have a very special guest, self-proclaimed American super hero… Aron Ralston! Let’s hear it from Aron! Hi, oh, gosh, it’s, it’s a real pleasure to be here, thank you. Thank you. Hey, can I say “hi” to my mom and dad? Mom and dad? Mustn’t forget mom and dad, right Aron? Yeah, that’s right. Hey mom. I’m really sorry I… I didn’t answer the phone the other night. If I had I would have told you where I was going and then… I probably wouldn’t be here right now. That’s for sure! But like I always say: “Your supreme selfishness, is our gain”. Thank you Aron. Anyone else you’d like to say “hi” to? Brian at work. - Hi, Aron. Hey, I probably won’t be making it in to work today. Ha-ha-ha. Get a load of this guy! Oh, wait, hold on. We’ve got a question coming in from another Aron, in Loser Canyon, Utah. Aron asks: Am I right in thinking even if Brian from work notifies the police, they’ll put a 24-hour hold on it before they file a missing persons report, which means you won’t become officially missing until midday Wednesday at the earliest? Yeah, you’re right on the money there, Aron. Which means, I’ll probably be dead by then. Aron, from Loser Canyon, Utah, how do you know so much? Well, I’ll tell you how I know so much. I volunteer for the rescue service. You see, I’m some kind of a… well a big fucking heart hero. And I can do everything on my own, you see? I do see! Now… is it true that despite, or maybe because you’re a big fucking heart hero, you didn’t tell anyone where you were going? Oh, Yeah, that’s absolutely correct. Anyone? Anyone. Oops. Oops. Oops.

Aron Ralston: I did this Aron. I created this. The boulder did what it was here to do. It was waiting for me but it did the only natural thing it could do. I chose to come here, I chose to do this descent by myself. I chose not to tell anyone where I was going. I chose to turn away from the women who were there to keep me from getting in this trouble. I wanted it to be like this. Look how far I came to find this spot. It's not that I'm getting what I deserve - I'm getting what I wanted.

Aron Ralston: God, it's Aron again. I still need some help. It's getting bad here. I'm out of water and food. Listen. Give me the strength not to do anything against myself. I want to see this through, whatever.

Aron Ralston: I made an attempt - a short career in surgery, as it turned out - those knives are just not anywhere close to the task. I've got about an inch-wide gash in my arm that goes about a half inch deep. I cut down through the skin and the fatty tissue, and through some of the muscle. I think I cut a tendon, but I'm not sure. I'll never saw through the bones with this knife. I tried, anyways. It really just didn't go well. The tourniquet is relaxed at this point. Which actually is a little bothersome, considering I'm not bleeding that bad, barely at all. It's so weird. You'd expect to definitely see more pulsing and bleeding, but oh well. I'm really fucked now. I'm out of water.

Aron Ralston: This next part may not be for all viewers at home. It's a little after eight. At precisely eight o'clock I took my last sip of clean water... and... hide your eyes, Mom...

Aron Ralston: [pauses a couple of seconds; pauses again, while he drinks and shudders] Good morning, everyone! It's 6:45 Tuesday morning in BJ Canyon! The weather is great. I figure by now that Leona, my housemate - Hi, Leona! - has missed me hopefully since I didn't show up last night. Another hour and a half they'll miss me for not showing up at work... Hi, Brion at work! Best case scenario is they notify the police and after a 24 hour hold they file a report, a missing person's report. Which means noon tomorrow it's official that I'm gone. I do still have the tiniest bit of water left. Well, actually, I've resorted... I've had a couple pretty good gulps of urine that I saved in my Camelbak. I sort of let it distill... It tastes like hell. So, it's 70 hours since I left on my bike from Horseshoe Trailhead during which time I have consumed 3 liters of water, a couple of mouthfuls of piss... Did I say the weather is great? Well, it is. Though flash floods potential is still present. There's four-prong major canyons upstream from me that all converge in this 3 foot wide gap where I am. The rock I pulled down on top of me, it was put there by flood. Still, I'd get a drink. Mom, Dad, I really love you guys. I wanted to take this time to say the times we've spent together have been awesome. I haven't appreciated you in my own the way I know I could. Mom, I love you. I wish I'd returned all of your calls, ever. I really have lived this last year. I wish I had learned some lessons more astutely, more rapidly, than I did. I love you. I'll always be with you.

Aron Ralston: [The wind interrupts him and he shivers and mutters; speaks louder] I've been thinking about what my friend Rob in Aspen says to me several... frequently... Several times that, confusingly, It's not what you do but who you are'. I kind of got hung up on that a lot, because I always thought who I was, was very much wrapped up with what I did. That I was happy because of the things that I did that made me happy. If things you do make you happy, then they can also make you unhappy. I think that's why I found myself being as ambitious and energetic - It's cold... this place is an ice-box at night... And killing winds. - to do all the outings that I did.

Aron Ralston: [long pause] God, I am praying to you for guidance. I'm trapped in Blue John Canyon - you probably know that - and I don't know what I am supposed to do. I've tried everything I can think of. I need some new ideas. Please show me a sign. OK, then, God, since you're apparently busy: Devil, if you're listening, I need some help here. I'll trade you my arm, my soul, whatever you want. Just get me out of here. You want me never to climb again, I can give that up. Just show me the dotted line.

Aron Ralston: What you're looking at there is my arm, going into the rock... and there it is, stuck. It's been without circulation for 24 hours. It's pretty well gone. If the color doesn't come across on the video, it's grey and blue. Unnhhhhh.......I can't take it in my ass anymore.

Jay Baruchel: Holy shit!

Seth Rogen: It worked!

Danny McBride: What the fuck?

James Franco: [sticks up both middle fingers] Go to hell, McBride! Fuck you! Ha, ha! Suck my dick! Aaaaahhhh...

Seth Rogen: Oh shit.

James Franco: [horrified] What happened?! What did I do?! Take me back! WHAT DID I DO?!

Danny McBride: [[w:Tom Petty|Tom Petty] I'll tell you what happened, Franco! You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven cause you were being petty! ]. You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.

James Franco: [Seth and Jay watch in sheer horror and disgust as Danny and Channing bite down on Franco's face and rips off his nose] What? NOOOOOO!

Danny McBride: [holding up James' severed nose; shrieks] HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?!

James Franco: [last words] DANNY, NOOOOOO!

Danny McBride: [three of the cannibals begin to chase Seth and Jay] SETH! JAY!

Jay Baruchel: Oh shit, they're running after us!

Seth Rogen: Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit, run!

Danny McBride: [last words] BRING THEM TO ME!

Seth Rogen: Fuck!

Cannibal: Get ‘em!

Cannibal 2: Got to get Rogen!

Seth Rogen: Over here! Over here, over here.

Jay Baruchel: What?

Seth Rogen: Shit, shit!

Cannibal: They’re around here somewhere.

Cannibal 2: They kept running you fucking idiots!

Seth Rogen: Shit, are they still here?

Jay Baruchel: I think they’re gone.

Seth Rogen: Are they gone?

Jay Baruchel: Oh, my God.

Seth Rogen: Why did Franco flip off Danny? Why did he have to do that, man? He was in the clear!

Jay Baruchel: That is textbook. Uh… Vanity or…

Seth Rogen: Is it Vanity?

Jay Baruchel: Vanity or envy.

Seth Rogen: Is it envy or wrath?

Jay Baruchel: It’s any of them, man.

Seth Rogen: You can’t do that. It’s being a sore winner, is what it is, more than anything.

Jay Baruchel: That’s exactly what it is.

Seth Rogen: You can’t be a sore winner.

Jay Baruchel: Well, this is another fine mess we found ourselves in. Fuck.

Jay Baruchel: [after he, Seth, and James are attacked by a group of cannibals and everything comes to a halt when Danny comes out of the truck] Danny?

Danny McBride: What the fuck?! You guys are still alive?!

Seth Rogen: Yeah!

Danny McBride: [tugs on his leash; On the other side of the leash is a gimp complete with a luchador mask, hockey pads and a thong coming out of the truck] Holy shit, I didn't expect that. Fuck out here. Shit, I can't believe you guys are here! That's fuckin crazy! And your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten. And you three gentlemen look delicious.

Jay Baruchel: What does that have to do with us?

James Franco: The fuck you talking about?

Danny McBride: [laughs] I'm a cannibal hombre! We're gonna fucking eat your ass!

Seth Rogen: Fuck you, you can't eat us! Fuck that, man!

Danny McBride: I do whatever the fuck I want, WHEN I WANT! I've butt-fucked this dude. See that? I fuckin slide right in that shit, I do whatever I want. This is my gimp! Channing, introduce yourself.

Channing Tatum: Hey, wassup guys? Y'all cool?

James Franco: That's Channing Tatum!

Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?!

Danny McBride: Channing fucking Tatum, I found him wandering on the freeway, I collected him and made him my bitch, get off my dick. I call him "Channing Tate-yum.

James Franco: Hardcore, man.

Danny McBride: I got him trained good, watch, he does tricks. Wait, shake hands.

James Franco: All right, Seth…

Danny McBride:: Fucking roll over.

James Franco: I’m gonna create a diversion…

Seth Rogen: Yeah.

James Franco: …you and Jay make a run for it.

Seth Rogen: What? Danny’s gonna eat you!

James Franco: Listen. Full-on sacrifice for you, dawg, like the ending to Pineapple 2.

Danny McBride: Yeah, lick that! That’s Channing fucking Tatum, dawg!

Channing Tatum: I love him.

Danny McBride: [[w:G.I. Joe|G.I. Joe; laughs] That’s fucking ], dude. He fucking loves me.

Seth Rogen: Danny, we’re friends! You can’t eat us!

Danny McBride: I’d love to catch up, but we’re fucking starving, so… LET’S EAT!

James Franco: FUCK YOU!

Seth Rogen: [discussing the apocalypse; Jay nods in agreement] This shit's cray cray, guys. I mean, it's like, the real, like Apocalypse, it's like the Revel, Book of Revelations, like that means there's a God. Right? I haven't led my life as though there's a God this whole time, who fucking saw that coming that there's actually a God?

Jay Baruchel: I-I'd say 95% of the planet.

Seth Rogen: Jesus fucking Christ, man.

Craig Robinson: You might wanna stay away from saying that.

Seth Rogen: Jesus fucking Christ"?

Craig Robinson: Yes.

Seth Rogen: Why? Why can't I say that?

Craig Robinson: One of the 10 Commandments: "Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".

Seth Rogen: Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.

Craig Robinson: Jesus, God. It's all the same.

Jay Baruchel: It's the trinity.

Seth Rogen: Jesus...

Craig Robinson: Father, Son, Holy Ghost.

James Franco: It's like Neapolitan ice cream.

Seth Rogen: I don't even know what the fucking Commandments are.

James Franco: Guys, I think this is sort of bullshit, because...we're all good people. I can look at each one of you in the eye, I know you're good.

Seth Rogen: I'm good.

James Franco: We're four actors, we bring joy to people's lives!

Jay Baruchel: Yeah, but we don't do it for free, we get paid handsomely, much higher than the average profession.

James Franco: It's not like it was just handed to any of us, we've worked really hard to be here.

Craig Robinson: Yeah, pretend like it's hot when it's cold.

Seth Rogen: Oh.

Craig Robinson: You sitting on the beach, it's freezing, you in your drawers, talking about something, everybody's surfing.

Seth Rogen: [whispering] I think God might've just fucked up, made a mistake and left us behind by accident! I mean, he's got a lot of shit on his plate!

Craig Robinson: It's not oversight, it's not a mistake. Okay, we gotta face facts, we're here and there's a reason we're all here.

James Franco: Wh-Why you so sure?

Craig Robinson: [sighs] I've- I've done things, man, I... I gouged a man's eyeballs out.

Jay Baruchel: What the?

Seth Rogen: Oh, fuck off.

James Franco: Craig.

Craig Robinson: Well I was a kid, man, it was a fuckin bar fight. It was a bad football game, he said I didn't call spinneys and I fuckin called spinneys, he got all in my face and I smashed a bottle across his face...

Craig Robinson: And the first eyeball was an accident, but then I was, like, fuck it. And I went for the second one.

Craig Robinson: It was fucked up, but you know what? That shit happens, I'm saying that's... I think that's why I'm here.

James Franco: [[w:Lindsay Lohan|Lindsay Lohan; [w:Chateau Marmont|Chateau Marmont] I gotta admit something. I, uh.... I fucked ]. She was fucked up, she was high. It was at the ], she kept banging on my door.

James Franco: [[w:Jake Gyllenhaal|Jake Gyllenhaal] She kept calling me ].

Seth Rogen: That's fucked up.

James Franco: Yeah, I said, uh, "Call me the Prince of Persia".

Craig Robinson: [sighs] See, that's what I'm saying, man. We've all done bad shit, you know? We've done more bad shit than good in our lives and... It's time to pay the piper.

Seth Rogen: Whoa.

James Franco: [whispers; lights lighter] Oh, shit! Something's wrong! God did this. He gave us light, and then he took it away.

Jay Baruchel: You hear that?! It's the soundtrack of us going insane.

Craig Robinson: [worried about Jonah, whispering] Damn, I wish there was something we could do to help him.

Jay Baruchel: [blows out lighter] I know what we can do.

Danny McBride: Thank you, James. It means a lot to you, and I appreciate that you’d give this to me. Stupid. Stupid motherfucker!

James Franco: Fucking psychopath!

Danny McBride: What the...?

James Franco: [takes the revolver back] It's a prop gun! What, do you think I'd put real bullets in here?

Danny McBride: You were gonna send me out there with a fucking gun filled with blanks?

Seth Rogen: Oh, fuck you! Don't turn this around on us. You tried to shoot us, you fucking dickhead!

James Franco: Fucking murdering motherfucker!

Danny McBride: Whatever. Fucking civilization is broken down. There's no more reason for this false bullshit. You guys act like you're so fucking high and mighty like you've never made a goddamn mistake before. Franco, you're some pretentious fucking nerd.

James Franco: Fuck you.

Danny McBride: [Jonah glares at him offensively] Jonah... you fucking cunt. Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You fucking disappoint me.

Craig Robinson: Bro.

Danny McBride: Seth... you duplicitous taint.

Seth Rogen: What?

Danny McBride: And of course, there's Jay... the self-righteous, cock-sucking, two-faced backstabber.

Jay Baruchel: What the fuck are you talking about?

Danny McBride: I overheard your little conversation with Craig, alright? The only reason why you care about any of us is because you think that's what God wants you to do. You don't give a shit about us.

Jay Baruchel: No, no, no, no. That-that's fucking twisting that shit around, you're fucking lying.

Danny McBride: Am I twisting this? I believe you were in Los Angeles two months ago at the four seasons. I saw you there, and you specifically asked me not to tell Seth, so you could maintain the illusion that you always stay with Seth when you're in Los Angeles.

Craig Robinson: Ooh! Jay.

Seth Rogen: Fuck, man.

Danny McBride: [opens his hands like a book and closes them] It's not, it's textbook twattage. And just for the record, you guys. I'm choosing to leave. You're not kicking me out. You guys had already said that I could come back in, and I'm the one who said that I'm not coming back in. Don't be cocky.

Danny McBride: This how you all feel?

Seth Rogen: We talked about it.

Danny McBride: You guys are gonna vote me off the island? I mean, I made you guys breakfast.

James Franco: Oh, shit, man, you wasted half of our food when you did that.

Danny McBride: Just thought I was doing something nice for you guys. Just to apologize for my behavior at the party. Party I wasn’t even invited to. I’m not an idiot. I know why you guys don’t fucking call me or hang out with me anymore. It’s because I party so fucking hard. Always have, ever since I was a baby, I wouldn’t just suck on my mama’s titties, I would fuckin’ bang them and motorboat them. Everything I’ve been doing has just been a cry for help. When I came on your magazine, James, it was a cum for help. I’ve just been crying and cumming and crying and cumming. Tears from the tip of my penis, dudes.

James Franco: I’m sorry, all right? You can cum wherever you want.

Danny McBride: I don’t even care about cumming anymore. Right now, I’m just kind of into going.

Seth Rogen: That is so fucking good.

James Franco: The two heroes over here breaking through the floor.

Seth Rogen: We did break through the floor.

Jay Baruchel: Any of you guys would have done the same thing.

Seth Rogen: Oh, man, that fucking hurt.

Jay Baruchel: Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t shart again.

Seth Rogen: I think I did.

Jonah Hill: Hey, what year is this?

Jay Baruchel: 19…

Seth Rogen: That’s a good… That’s a good year.

Craig Robinson: [turns his attention to McBride about to pour water] Hey, hey, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doin?!

Danny McBride: [Danny pours his glass with water as the others exclaim] What am I doing?

Seth Rogen: Fuck, man!

Danny McBride: What? I'm just pouring myself another glass of water to wash down that dry-ass Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

James Franco: That's very nice, but you can't just pour yourself another glass of water, man, will you cut it out?!

Seth Rogen: Yeah, we agreed to one glass at dinner. We voted on it, man.

Danny McBride: Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired of all these fucking rules, man. You don't see me putting rules on you guys.

James Franco: You cannot have another glass of water.

Danny McBride: Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me. Why the fuck is it fair that him and I should drink the same amount of water? We should be dividing our rations based on our proportionate size.

Jonah Hill: I don't wanna come off as a diva here or anything. It's just that I think everyone should split everything equally.

Danny McBride: [mimicking Jonah] I just think that everybody should have the fucking same, I have a goddamn earring." SHUT THE FUCK UP, JONAH!

James Franco: You know what, Danny? If you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.

Danny McBride: You're making me into a joke right now, Franco, and you are not gonna like the fuckin punch line.

James Franco: No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the fuck down!

Danny McBride: Okay, I'm done. We're not gonna have any more water.

Seth Rogen: Good.

James Franco: Alright.

Danny McBride: YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN, YOU GUYS FORCED MY FUCKING HAND BY GANGING UP ON ME!

James Franco: [aims his revolver at Danny] GODDAMMIT, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!

Danny McBride: That's what I thought. Nerd.

James Franco: Who did this? Who did this?!

Seth Rogen: Did what, what are you talking about?

James Franco: [holds up his jizzed porn magazine] Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

Seth Rogen: No.

James Franco: No?

Danny McBride: [raises his hand] It was me, Franco. I fuckin made jizz in your magazine.

James Franco: What?!

Danny McBride: When I fuckin jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?

James Franco: Real fucking smart answer! Why don't you fucking aim, huh?!

Danny McBride: I have a particularly explosive ejaculating that just goes everywhere! It's like a fuckin wild fireman's hose, she's gonna grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth!

James Franco: The fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers, you never learned to jizz in a fucking sock or on a fuckin tissue?!

Danny McBride: No, I don't have any brothers. I was raised in a house of women!

James Franco: I highly doubt they fuckin taught you to fuckin close your eyes and fuckin cum wherever you want!

Danny McBride: [[w:Buck Rogers|Buck Rogers; [w:iPad|iPad] I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fuckin porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore?! Welcome to the 21st century, ]! You designed a house with fucking ]s in the walls! Yet, you're jerkin your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

James Franco: That's right, man. I like to fuckin read!

Danny McBride: You think that's the only thing I jerked off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fuckin house like a goddamn dump truck.

James Franco: YOU DON'T CUM ON MY STUFF!

Danny McBride: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James. I'll fuckin cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin art, I'LL CUM ANYWHERE I WANT!

James Franco: I will fuckin cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin madman all over you, McBride!

Danny McBride: Ooh! I fuckin wish you'd cum on me right now, I fuckin DARE YOU TO CUM ON ME!

Danny McBride: [Grabbing a baseball bat between his legs] I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin hard in here!

James Franco: This, no more, man, all over your fuckin face!

Danny McBride: All over the fuckin floor, all over the fuckin place! I'll fuckin cum anywhere I want, I'll fuckin cum on these walls, I'll cum on the fuckin cabinets, on the fuckin furniture, I'LL CUM EVERYWHERE!

James Franco: [points his revolver] If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!

Danny McBride: You don't have enough bullets, bitch!

James Franco: [waving his revolver] No fuckin jerking off in my house, McBride!

Seth Rogen: Come on, man.

Danny McBride: Fuck this. It's just I'm too thirsty to do this, and the fuckin bitter irony is I'm not gonna have my thirst quenched until I finish this. I give up.

Seth Rogen: Danny, no. Don't walk away. Danny, don't walk away from me!

Danny McBride: It's too late, Seth. I've already walked away too much.

Seth Rogen: No, you haven't. You could still come back and just fuckin turn around and come back and help me. Danny? Daniel?

Emma Watson: [Holding an axe] Back the fuck up!

James Franco: Emma, what's wrong?

Seth Rogen: W-W-W-What's wrong?

Emma Watson: What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape me.

All: No! No, no, no, no!

Seth Rogen: [Emma hits Seth's nose with the back of her axe] I got it, I got it, no, it's funny, it's funny. We were specifically talking about not raping you... OH!

Jay Baruchel: Holy shit!

Emma Watson: [swishes her axe around] BACK UP!

Jonah Hill: It's me, Jonah! It's me, Jonah Hill, America's sweetheart, J-bug, J-bone, your friend! I would never hurt you...

Emma Watson: GET BACK! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO DRINK, PUT IT IN THE BAG!

Seth Rogen: There's six of us, YOU CANNOT ROB US!

Emma Watson: [chops off a fake penis using her axe] I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!

Craig Robinson: GIVE HER DRINKS!

James Franco: Okay!

Craig Robinson: GIVE HER DRINKS! PUT THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!

Danny McBride: Oh, God!

Craig Robinson: PUT ALL THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!

Emma Watson: HURRY THE FUCK UP!

Jay Baruchel: Okay, they're getting the drinks, put the axe down!

Craig Robinson: Don't give the Milky Way away!

Jay Baruchel: Put the axe down now!

Danny McBride: Okay? NOW, FRANCO, SHOOT HER FACE, SHOOT HER!

James Franco: [to Danny; to Emma] I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT EMMA WATSON! Look, Emma. Just stay here with us, it's a lot safer than out there.

Danny McBride: [[w:Hermione Granger|Hermione] ] just stole all of our shit.

Craig Robinson: Little bitty ass, um, 20-year-old jacked us.

Danny McBride: Then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone.

Jay Baruchel: I didn't... I was just... I...

Danny McBride: I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about fucking two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.

Craig Robinson: So now, um, motherfuckers is thirsty.

James Franco: [after sending [[w:Emma Watson|Emma Watson] ] to James’ bedroom] We’ll be right here, okay? Fuck are you guys doing here?

Seth Rogen: Here’s what I think we should do. She’s British, right? She’s used to eating shitty food anyway. Let’s just give her all the shitty food that we don’t want.

James Franco: That’s fucked up. Look how tiny she is. She’s not even a full seven. She’s like half a seven.

Danny McBride: [[w: Harry Potter|Harry Potter] This is a fucking cool thing, man. I, for one, am very excited. I’m a massive ] fan.

James Franco: What?

Danny McBride: [[w:Harry Potter|Harry Potter] Yes. I love fucking ]. I cannot wait until she wakes up and I can ask her all these amazing questions about how they made those motion pictures.

James Franco: [[w:Dumble Dore|Dumble Dore] Take it easy, ].

Jay Baruchel: Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room.

Seth Rogen: Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.

Craig Robinson: That's fucked up. I'm right here man.

Jay Baruchel: I'm not calling Craig an elephant.

James Franco: That's racist.

Jay Baruchel: I wasn’t referring to him. I was referring to the issue that’s on all of our minds.

James Franco: What?

Jay Baruchel: This is one girl in a house with six males.

James Franco: Real safe.

Seth Rogen: Ideal scenario.

Craig Robinson: She’s like a little sister.

Jay Baruchel: I think that she needs… It’s important that she feels safe. And comfortable. And we should be mindful.

Craig Robinson: Who’s making her not feel safe?

Jay Baruchel: Well, I’m just saying we should… We don’t wanna give off a bad vibe.

James Franco: Vibes? I ain’t got no vibes.

Seth Rogen: Wait, what kind of vibes are you talking about, man?

Danny McBride: He’s talking about us giving off a rapey vibe.

All: Whoa!

Craig Robinson: Jesus.

James Franco: Jay, what the fuck, man?

Seth Rogen: Chill out dude.

James Franco: Why you putting that shit in the mix?

Jay Baruchel: He fucking said it!

Danny McBride: You’re the one saying it. No one here is thinking about raping anyone.

James Franco: Well, you talking about vibes is the only thing that’s rapey going on right now.

Seth Rogen: Dude, nothing was rapey until you brought up the rapey vibe.

James Franco: Fucking one who smelt it dealt it, dawg.

Seth Rogen: True that, dude.

James Franco: One who denies it supplies it.

Jay Baruchel: I know, it’s farts, I get it.

Jonah Hill: Guys, guys, guys. Jay’s not rapey. Jay couldn’t rape a fly.

Seth Rogen: He probably could.

Craig Robinson: Maybe we should stop this entire conversation right now.

James Franco: If anyone’s gonna rape anyone here, it’s probably gonna be Danny.

Danny McBride: What the fuck, Franco?

James Franco: What?

Danny McBride: Why do you think I’m gonna rape somebody?

James Franco: I’m just trying to lay it out here.

Danny McBride: I’m not gonna rape anyone, all right? If anyone’s gonna rape somebody, it’s Jay. He came up with the rape idea and his face looks like the police sketch of a fucking rapist.

James Franco: True.

Jay Baruchel: What the fuck does that mean?

Danny McBride: If anybody’s raping Emma Watson, it’s fucking Sir Rapes-a-Lot over here.

James Franco: Earthquakes cause tsunamis.

Seth Rogen: Yes.

James Franco: Tsunamis cause other tsunamis, disaster.

Danny McBride: I mean for all we know, the fucking Lakers could’ve just won and that’s the reason why all this is happening.

Seth Rogen: Hole in Franco’s front yard? Sinkhole. Every single time I turn on the news, sinkhole in South America, bunch of South Americans getting sucked into the ground.

Jonah Hill: Sinkhole de Mayo.

Seth Rogen: Sinkhole de Mayo. That’s why it’s named that, because sinkholes happen in the summertime.

Jay Baruchel: It’s not wildfires, it’s not earthquakes, it’s not sinkholes. I think I know what it is.

Craig Robinson: Let’s hear it.

Jay Baruchel: I think it’s the Apocalypse.

James Franco: What?

Jay Baruchel: [holds up a Bible] I’m serious, boys. It’s all here, in the book of Revelations.

James Franco: You took my Bible?

Jay Baruchel: [starts reading the Bible] Well, just hear me out, and you tell me that what I’m describing isn’t what’s going on right now. “And the skies shall open up and the light of the Lord shall shine down and those of good heart shall be brought into my kingdom of heaven.” That’s the Rapture, those are the gigantic beams of blue light. “And there will be a great mountain burning in fire.” I mean the Hollywood Hills are literally engulfed in flames as we sit here right now.

Craig Robinson: The Hollywood Hills ain’t no mountain, it’s a hill. Takes about 10 minutes to get across that motherfucker with no traffic.

James Franco: Coldwater.

Seth Rogen: I take Laurel Canyon.

Jonah Hill: Cahuegna.

Danny McBride: I usually cup down Barham.

Jay Baruchel: Boys, can I just fricking finish?

Craig Robinson: I love Laurel Canyon.

Jay Baruchel: [continues reading] “And out of the pit rose a great red dragon having seven heads, that old serpent called the devil and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world, was released onto the Earth.”

Craig Robinson: [[Where the Wild Things Are] I love that dude. He’s from ].

James Franco: It’s a load of bullshit.

Jay Baruchel: It’s not bullshit.

James Franco: You wanna know something else, Jay? If this is the end of the world and all the good people died, what you’re saying is, Seth, me, Jonah, Craig and Danny are a bunch of assholes.

Craig Robinson: I’m straight-up lovable, son.

James Franco: And if this is really the Apocalypse, you’re here too. So that means you’re just as shitty as the rest of us. Doesn’t feel too good, does it?

James Franco: Hi, this is James Franco, um, in my house in my library. Uh, we’ve been stuck here for about 24 hours. Danny McBride is here. Um, I didn’t even invite him to my party, but he came and passed out in the bathtub. I gotta say, it’s like typical fucking McBride. Like, I’ve been feeling really weird about him lately, like I don’t really know if I wanna be friends with him and, uh… then he fucking showed up at my party and now we’re stuck here with him, uh, in disaster lockdown, so, uh…

Danny McBride: What up? What’s going on?

James Franco: Hey, Danny, what’s up, man?

Danny McBride: Not much. What are you doing? What is this?

James Franco: Oh, it’s just a video confessional.

James Franco: Fuck that dude!

Danny McBride: Franco! Good morning, sunshine!

James Franco: Guys, guys, wake up! Danny’s alive! He’s eating all the fucking food!

Jonah Hill: Danny!

Danny McBride: No, it’s cool, man. I fucking made this for you guys!

Seth Rogen: Stop eating!

Jay Baruchel: Don’t eat another piece of bacon!

Danny McBride: [[w:Green Goblin|Green Goblin] Guys just chill the fuck out, okay? I’m sure the ] can fucking afford some more bacon.

Craig Robinson: Dude, that shit’s supposed to last us ‘till we get rescued!

Danny McBride: Wait a second. I know what happened. You guys dropped acid, didn’t you? Mm-hmm. Craig doesn’t have any pants on. He got fucking wild, probably danced and sweated all over the place. You got white shit all over your mouth, Franco. You probably sucked somebody’s dick. Jonah over here probably washed and jerked off. Jay, I didn’t even know you were in town. Good to see you.

Seth Rogen: Danny, we’re not on acid! We didn’t suck each other’s dicks!

Danny McBride: James Franco didn’t suck any dick last night? Now I know you all are tripping.

Seth Rogen: Do you actually not know what happened last night?

Jonah Hill: Daniel, you may want to stay seated for a second. Some really messed up stuff happened, and there were a lot of fatalities.

Danny McBride: Oh, really? You’re putting your serious voice on, Jonah? Okay tell me about these "fatalities.

Craig Robinson: [[w:Jason Segel|Segel; [w:David Krumholtz|Krumholtz] Dude, ]’s dead, ] is dead, Michael Cera’s dead.

Danny McBride: [laughing] Guess if Michael Cera’s gone, it’s not a total loss, huh?

Jay Baruchel: Jesus, Danny!

Danny McBride: Michael Cera’s dead.

Jay Baruchel: It’s not like that.

James Franco: It’s not funny, man. It’s really not funny.

Danny McBride: [[The Green Hornet (film)|Green Hornet] Seth, that’s a better performance than you’ve given in your last six movies. Where the fuck was that in ], huh? Jonah, you’re fucking sucking balls. You’re an Academy award nominated person. You need to be fucking selling that shit, dude. "Fatalities, there were some fatalities.

Jonah Hill: Fatalities.

Danny McBride: Okay, now that was good. That was good.

Seth Rogen: Does it seem like we’re fucking joking?

Seth Rogen: [after the group inventories the remaining food] Okay, food. How are we gonna deal with this?

Jonah Hill: Um, can I have that Milky Way?

James Franco: No, you can't have the Milky Way, that's my Milky Way. I went out this morning and specifically bought this Milky Way to eat after my party.

Jay Baruchel: That's weird.

James Franco: It's not weird, it's my special food, I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.

Seth Rogen: I don't think you should get the whole Milky Way. I want some of the Milky Way.

Craig Robinson: I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.

James Franco: Oh, now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.

Craig Robinson: Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way! It's a fucking Milky Way.

Jonah Hill: Guys.

Jay Baruchel: A fifth of everything is what's fair and reasonable.

Seth Rogen: Everyone gets a fifth of everything.

James Franco: [To Craig] I want one fifth of your T-shirt! I want the bottom part. The belly.

Craig Robinson: I'm not sporting a crop-top in your house.

James Franco: I'll cut that shit off and make a headband.

Craig Robinson: You couldn't handle my midriff.

Jonah Hill: Guys, the only issue is...I kinda need the Milky Way.

Jay Baruchel: For fuck's sake.

Jonah Hill: No, for real, I have low blood sugar, and if my endorphins drop too low, I'm gonna be a nightmare to be around.

Jay Baruchel: What?

James Franco: Your LBS starts acting up, you can have a finger scoop of Nutella, okay?

Seth Rogen: One finger scoop of Nutella.

Jonah Hill: Fair.

James Franco: I’m going to bed.

Jay Baruchel: Jesus fucking…

James Franco: Don’t touch that Milky Way, Jonah.

Jonah Hill: Night, James.

Seth Rogen: [taking inventory of the food and supplies at James' house; [w:Nutella|Nutella; [w:Cinnamon Toast Crunch|C.T. Crunch; [w:Milky Way (chocolate bar)|Milky Way; [w:Sour Diesel|Sour Diesel] We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, ], cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, ], milk, ketchup, a ], a half-ounce of ], 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat and a video camera from the movie 27 Hours.

James Franco: [correcting Seth; [127 Hours] ].

Seth Rogen: [[127 Hours; [Flyboys] Uh... ], and a functioning revolver from the movie ].

James Franco: [picks up the gun''] Old faithful.

Jay Baruchel: Jesus.

James Franco: Thing’s real. No, I kept this from the movie.

Seth Rogen: Yeah.

James Franco: This is an actual revolver.

Seth Rogen: I see, yeah.

Craig Robinson: Franco, that’s very uncomfortable. Could you put that thing down, please?

James Franco: Loaded.

Jonah Hill: Love it.

Jay Baruchel: Awesome. Can you just put the gun away?

James Franco: I always keep my props.

Jay Baruchel: That’s really cool.

James Franco: Always keep my props. I know how to handle it.

Jonah Hill: He knows what he’s doing. I like this bit. I like it. I get it. Let me see.

James Franco: It’s real. It’s heavy.

Jonah Hill: Let me see it like that.

Craig Robinson: Goddamn!

Seth Rogen: Come on, guys! You could kill…

James Franco: Careful.

Jonah Hill: [pretends to shoot it] Bang, bang!

Jay Baruchel: Jesus!

Seth Rogen: Please put it down!

Jay Baruchel: Oh, fuck!

Jonah Hill: Bang, bang, bang! You’re dead!

Jay Baruchel: I hope you’re fucking happy.

Jonah Hill: Pow, pow, pow!

Seth Rogen: Stop- Guys, stop fucking with the gun!

Jay Baruchel: Jesus. Jesus!

Jonah Hill: Pow! Pow! Bang!

Seth Rogen: It’s a real gun! It’s so funny. It’s so funny.

Jonah Hill: Guys, it’s funny.

Jay Baruchel: It’s not funny! We’re getting sidetracked.

Jonah Hill: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll just kill myself.

All: No!

Seth Rogen: Don’t do that Jonah!

Jay Baruchel: Jesus!

James Franco: Jonah, give it back.

Jonah Hill: [puts the gun in his mouth] I don’t know! I don’t know!

James Franco: Don’t do that!

Seth Rogen: Oh, dude!

Jay Baruchel: Hey, come on! Come on, no, don’t! Jesus!

Craig Robinson: Would you put the thing down?!

Jonah Hill: The whole… I’m trying to have some fun, man. Look, just because a bunch of people fell into a hole outside doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. We’re a bunch of best friends hanging out. It’s like a sleepover.

James Franco: Dude, look. Helicopters, helicopter. The good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine.

Craig Robinson: [screaming and jumping] Goddamn! Oh, goddamn!

James Franco: You okay?

Craig Robinson: [shows his damaged finger] No, I'm not okay. Fuck yo house, Franco!

James Franco: My house didn't do that!

Seth Rogen: This place is beautiful, man.

James Franco: This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside of me.

Seth Rogen: You let us both cum inside you. Yeah.

James Franco: [shows Seth the painting on the wall] Icing on the cake. Check it out. Painted them myself.

Seth Rogen: Huh!

James Franco: Side by side. A team.

Seth Rogen: Holy shit.

James Franco: So, is it weird?

Seth Rogen: No.

James Franco: You sure?

Seth Rogen: I really like it.

James Franco: What do you think, Jay?

Jay Baruchel: I’m not a big art guy.

James Franco: You don’t like art?

Jay Baruchel: Well, come on.

James Franco: You play video games?

Jay Baruchel: Yes.

James Franco: Well, guess what, buddy? You like art.

Jay Baruchel: Yep.

James Franco: You ever been to Subway?

Jay Baruchel: Yes.

James Franco: You order a sandwich? Somebody put that together for you, dude. That’s art.

Seth Rogen: Sandwich artist.

James Franco: So let me lay this on you, Jay.

Jay Baruchel: Oh, fuck…

James Franco: Your mama's pussy was the canvas, your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art, huh?

Jay Baruchel: Thanks, James Franco.

James Franco: You got it.

Will Rodman: This is my fault. This has to stop. This isn't the way. You know what they're capable of. Please come home. If you come home, I'll protect you.

Caesar: Caesar is home.

Steven Jacobs: Will, I'll tell you exactly what we're dealing with, here. We're dealing with a drug that is worth more than everything else we are developing, combined. You make history, I make money. Isn't that our arrangement?

Will Rodman: No! There are risks.

Steven Jacobs: Don't you tell me about risks. You give your own father an experimental drug. I could finish your career with one phone call.

Will Rodman: I'll save you the trouble. I quit.

Steven Jacobs: We will proceed without you.

Will Rodman: Look ... You do not know what you're doing. These tests need to be contained. You have no idea if the 113 is stable, what kind of damage it can do to people ...

Steven Jacobs: Well, that is why we test it on chimps, ... isn't it?

Caroline Aranha: Come on, explain it to me.

Will Rodman: All right. I snuck him out of the lab to save his life. I had no idea that the effects had been transferred vertically from his mother. But, since then, he's been displaying incredible signs OF intelligence. I designed the 112 to repair, but Caesar's gone way beyond that. Here's his IQ from last year. Since then, it's doubled.

Caroline Aranha: This is all wrong.

Will Rodman: My father was gone. This drug brought him back. You never saw how bad he was. He has his life again.

Caroline Aranha: And, what about Caesar?

Will Rodman: What about him?

Caroline Aranha: How does he fit in?

Will Rodman: With me... with us...

Caroline Aranha: I know it has been hard for you, but you are trying to control things that were never meant to be controlled.

Will Rodman: The 112 works!

Caroline Aranha: Do you realize how you sound?

Will Rodman: All I'm saying is this is a good thing. Caesar's proof of that. So's my father.

Will Rodman: [[monkey] I can't take care of a ].

Robert Franklin: [[ape] He's not a monkey! He's an ].

Will Rodman: (shouting) Caesar, stop!

Will Rodman: My father's immune system continues to reject the 112 virus, rendering the gene therapy obsolete. His health is deteriorating, and the disease is progressing rapidly. I need a more aggressive virus strain, a faster delivery method, because at this rate...I can't lose them both. I won't lose them both.

Will Rodman: Right away, Caesar displayed signs of intelligence heightened intelligence, so I kept him and brought my work home. By 18 months, Caesar was signing up to 24 words. By age two, Caesar completing puzzles and models designed for children eight years and up. At age three, Caesar continues to show cognative skills that far exceed that of his human counterpart. He completed the Lucas Tower in 15 moves, a perfect score. I maintain my hypothesis that A. the green in his eyes indicates that the ALZ-112 was passed genetically from mother to son and B., that in the absence of damaged cells that need replacing, the drug in his system has radically boosted healthy brain functioning.