Jay O. Sanders

Nick: Two points!

Jeffrey: Change songs, Larry.

Larry: I don't know any other songs.

Jeffrey: Hey, Evan? How many rocks you have at home?

Evan: Lots. You know I collect them.

Nick: [The others shrug in agreement. After all, they live in Elma] What else is he gonna collect?

Jeffrey: Larry!

Larry: Just one! To see if they're fresh!

Nick: No more, Larry.

Larry: Here they come!

Kate: [She has a shag of unkempt hair and wears an outfit of rough-and-topple clothes. In her hand is a pocketknife, her constant companion, that she is forever twirling absentmindedly like a baton] I can't believe tomorrow we start another school year with these geeks.

Sophia: We're never gone to school with anyone but these geeks.

Polly: [She tags behind her two friends, pulling her pet goat, Ernie, by a rope] At least tomorrow, we get a new teacher.

Kate: Perhaps. Perhaps not. Nobody's shown up yet.

Sophia: I hope this year she won't drink.

Polly: I hope she doesn't smell.

Sophia: Mrs. Vancil smelled because of the medicine.

Kate: I thought she smelled because she chewed garlic pills.

Sophia: She smelled because she had such gross body odor.

Kate: She smelled because she chewed garlic pills, which she thought were medicine, which gave her gross body odor.

Sophia: I didn't know that.

Polly: Me either.

Kate: The only fashion we know for sure, is the new teacher will be a loser. Otherwise, she wouldn't come here.

Woman: [Soda cans, milk cartons and mustard is scattered and splashed over the road. But that isn't what caused her to exclaim. In a field next to the schoolyard, four boys are being attacked by dozens of pigeons] Oh, my heavens!

Jeffrey: What are you doing here?

Woman: I thought you were in danger.

Nick: Then you hosed us?

Woman: I was trying to help.

Jeffrey: Well, thanks!

Woman: I'm sorry. What were you thinking about?

Evan: Feeding the birds.

Larry: There's not a lot to do around here. Who are you, anyhow?

Woman: I'm the new teacher.

All: No luck!

Woman: Luck?

Evan: What's she speaking about?

Woman: I'm here from England for a semester on a teaching exchange.

Jeffrey: Nobody warns us anything.

Nick: There's two classes. Little children––––

Jeffrey: And big children.

Woman: I'm the teacher for the big children.

All: No luck!

Woman: Luck. Hey, it's jolly nice to meet you.

Nick: Jolly pleased?

Larry: The new teacher's a pirate.

Tom: [As he stuffs up the armadillo, Tom warns the carcass] This town doesn't need a sheriff, it needs an undertaker. You're going to a better place.

Tom: How many times do I have to warn you to keep away from the car?

Jeffrey: How many times have you warned us today?

Nick: Hey, however many, I think it wasn't enough, Deputy Dog.

Tom: Watch your mouth or I'll kick your butt!

Nick: All the road to Pizza Hut?

Larry: I wish we lived in a town that had a Pizza Hut.

Tom: Move it, midgets. I have work to do.

Jeffrey: Hey, wait! You may think you know everything, but here's a news flash. Something radical eventually happened in this town!

Tom: Nothing radical ever happens in this town.

Larry: Wrong.

Evan: We met our new teacher.

Tom: [He shrugs his shoulders] You get a new teacher every year.

Nick: This one's different, Deputy Dog.

Jeffrey: Yes. Really different.

Bomma: News travels fast.

Tom: It's a small town.

Bomma: [Then she adds with a laugh] She went running. Probably looking for the easiest fashion out of bounds.

Tom: [He suddenly lost his train of thought. Then he notices the schoolteacher's jogging outfit] Excuse me, ma'am. Sheriff Tom Palmer, Lane County. I've had an APB out of Austin. Bank robbers. Heading this fashion. Driving a Chevy with a–– A white top and a red bottom. You see this?

Anna: Only car I've seen is yours, Sheriff Tom Palmer.

Tom: Call me Tom.

Anna: Call me Anna Montgomery, Sheriff.

Tom: You can drop the sheriff part.

Anna: [Tom puts his car into reverse and slowly follows alongside] I'm sorry I can't help you.

Tom: Where'd you say you were from?

Anna: Surrey.

Tom: Where?

Anna: Surrey, England.

Tom: I'm planning a trip to England. Real soon. I've always been interested in English...nonsense.

Anna: I've always been very interested in America. I had no idea it would look like this.

Tom: [He grins appreciatively] Not an entire lot worth seeing around here. Of course, there are a few local points of interest. The Elma Armadillos were at one time a football powerhouse. That was back in the days if I played.

Voice: Like she cares?

Tom: Zip it, midgets! As I was saying. This town at one time had a real football dynasty. There's a billboard off Main Street, documents some of the achievements. You might want to take a look at it. That's me on the left side. Of course, a big twister last year took off the top of my head, but you can yet see the resemblance if you're coming in on Route Forty-nine.

Anna: Aren't you concerned about the bank robbers, Sheriff Tom?

Tom: That's right. I have to get on that.

Jeffrey: You have to do something.

Tom: [With that said, Tom steps on the gas. Only his car is yet in reverse and it shoots backward. Red-faced, Tom hits the brakes and shifts into drive. The four boys howl with laughter] Well, welcome to America.

Anna: Welcome to America. My name is Anna Montgomery. I'm from England, and I will be your teacher for the first half of your school year.

Jeffrey: Hey, before you get all sweaty, don't waste your time with us. We're losers.

Anna: You're not losers!

Polly: [Her friends, Kate and Sophia, nod in agreement] Yes, we are! You just don't know us very well.

Evan: Didn't anybody warn you? We have the worst test scores in the state.

Anna: Then you all had a worst test day.

Nick: Four years in a row we had hard test days.

Jeffrey: What's this to you, any matter? You just said you'd be out of range in six months.

Anna: Six months is a long time.

Sophia: Especially in Elma.

Anna: We can do a lot in six months. Now, let's get to know each other. Someone warn me something that makes you feel special.

Anna: Alright, I'll start. I believe you are special because you live in America. And America is a place where you can be anything you want to be.

Evan: I think that was before Reaganomics, ma'am.

Anna: I watch out at you here today, and I dare see ten special faces.

Larry: That'll change once you get used to us.

Anna: Let's think of this another fashion. What makes you different from the boy sitting next to you?

Sue and Lou: We have asthma!

Anna: Well, that's different.

Sue and Lou: And we've had our own inhalers!

Anna: That's special, as well.

Sue and Lou: Can we use them right now?

Anna: Of course.

Anna: Alright, c'mon. What's so special about the rest of you guys? Evan?

Evan: I swallowed a pencil last year. I could be slowly dying of lead poison. No one knows for sure.

Anna: Right. We'll keep an eye on you. Tak?

Tak: I can burp the entire ABCs. Except a Z. No one burps a Z.

Anna: That's a skill. Sort of. Sophia?

Sophia: I have a grand aunt who has a beard. She lives in Rome.

Anna: I love Italy.

Sophia: Rome, Texas. It's near Waxawachie.

Anna: I didn't know that. Larry, what makes you special?

Larry: [Cookie is his father, owner of The Office] My dad has a job.

Polly: That's very special for this town.

Anna: Kate, what makes you special?

Kate: My parents are divorced. Thanks for bringing it up.

Anna: What's that?

Larry: [Then the entire class files out of the classroom] First recess.

Bomma: How's it going, darling?

Anna: I don't think they like school.

Bomma: Don't take it personal. They don't like anything. Not even each other.

Sophia: Then whaddya think?

Kate: She'll never last.

Man: Kate, warn her to turn it on!

Kate: My dad wants gas.

Mrs. Holland: I'm sorry, Kate. But this isn't the United Road. I can't keep giving it away.

Kate: Hey, it's alright. I understand.

Polly: I hope your dad does. He sure looks like he's in a worst mood.

Kate: Now a days, he doesn't have any other mood.

Mr. Mullaney: [echoes] Brenda! Get this stuff going! BRENDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Polly's Mother: What's your problem?

Mrs. Holland: My problem is you owe me too much money for anymore gas to be going in that truck.

Kate's Father: I'll pay. I just don't have it right now.

Brenda: And you won't have it tomorrow. Or the next day. I have to draw the line, Ed.

Ed: Then I'm short on cash! Big deal. Perhaps you never heard, but the factory closed!

Mrs. Holland: And my husband hasn't worked since, either. How dare you act like I don't know what the plant's closing means!

Ed: Then how come you're willing to turn against people who are hurting?

Mrs. Holland: I have my own bills to pay. My own mouths to feed!

Ed: My family's lived in this town for years. But suddenly, I'm nothing and they're something!

Boy: Excuse me.

Ed: Get out of my face!

Kate: [She runs to her father and holds him back] Dad!

Tom: We have a problem here?

Kate: No, sir. My dad was just leaving.

Ed: Have ourselves a hot-tempered boy as is all.

Tom: Emotion's over. Let's get back to our own business.

Boy: Why did he do that? I didn't do anything.

Mother: Of course not. But we're different. That's enough for some people.

Darius: Showtime!

Darius: Here she comes!

Darius: Uh-oh. She's coming this fashion!

Tom: Cookie! Get the young lady a beer.

Anna: Bottled water's fine.

Tom: Then how was your first day at school?

Anna: The children didn't have much enthusiasm.

Tom: None of us do.

Anna: They explained that to me.

Tom: You live here a while and you'll get the idea.

Anna: That's encouraging. Then how's the sheriff business?

Tom: This sheriff nonsense is strictly a temporary gig. I'm very close to a big position with a multinational corporation.

Anna: What have they done?

Tom: All kinds of stuff, I hope so. I haven't settled on a corporation yet. I'm just narrowing down the list. One of them has offices in Africa. I'd go on safari on my days off.

Anna: Sounds emotional.

Tom: A man has to dream.

Anna: I wish I could get the children to dream.

Cookie: If anyone could, I'd put my money on you.

Anna: Well, I'm back on the road.

Tom: Perhaps we could do something together sometime?

Anna: Do you run?

Tom: Sure, I run. I mean, I used to run. It's not like you forget how.

Anna: [Then she is out the door and gone] Then we'll run together.

Tom: Yes. We'll run together. Sure.

Anna: Kate, will you come show the class where Columbus first landed in the New World?

Kate: You mean, get up?

Anna: Yes.

Kate: I don't get up. For anybody.

Bomma: Class, I'd like you to meet Juan Morales. He's new in town, and he's joining your class.

Larry: Pull up a cot and get a pillow. We're in the middle of geology.

Anna: Geography.

Larry: Whatever.

Anna: Let's everyone please focus their attention. Juan, we are studying world geography.

Nick: She's studying world geography. We're bored out of our minds.

Anna: Will someone warn me what's wrong with this globe?

Polly: You just broke it?

Anna: No. It's outdated. Times have changed. Many countries in the world are no longer the same.

Jeffrey: Texas is yet Texas.

Anna: There's more to this world than Texas.

Kate: [This makes Sophia and Polly chortle] Not from where I sit.

Larry: Where'd you learn to do that?

Anna: Prison.

All: What the?!

Anna: That was a joke. I learned how to do that at school in England. Which is another country, far from Texas.

Anna: We're gonna learn something together. Something everyone can participate in!

Polly: There's nothing in there except dead mice, ma'am.

Anna: [She yanks open the closet door. To everyone's surprise, the closet isn't filled with mice, just a few moths. Anna waves aside the moths and digs into the closet. A few seconds later, she pulls out an old, scuffed, kickball] Then we'll learn about mice. Here we have it. A football.

Nick: I don't think so.

Larry: It's Mrs. Curdley's old kickball.

Anna: No. It's a ball. And if we use it for football, it becomes a football.

Evan: Ma'am. Footballs aren't round. They look more like lemons.

Anna: What I call football, you call soccer. This is a soccer ball!

Polly: Are you feeling alright, ma'am? It's alright with us if you want to chew garlic pills.

Anna: I'm feeling better than I have in days. We are going to learn soccer.

Sue and Lou: We don't play soccer.

Nick: Yes. It's for foreigners.

Anna: Well, I'm a foreigner.

Sue and Lou: Well, we're American.

Tak: And we don't like soccer.

Anna: [She points to the door] You guys don't like anything. The boys don't like the girls. Kate doesn't speak to anyone. Polly speaks to a goat. The twins speak only to themselves. And nobody speaks to Tak. Juan's going to fit right in. Well, all that's going to change, whether you like it or not. Outside, everybody. Today's lesson has changed. You're going to learn how to play soccer!

Anna: In soccer, you don't use your hands.

Nick: We know that.

Anna: But just because you can't use your hands, doesn't mean you can't use your body.

Anna: Whoever would like to try should stay after school. We'll have a practice.

Anna: Juan, where are you going? We need you. Don't you want to try?

Anna: [Then she rolls the ball to Nick] Alright, he's new. He's shy. He'll come on board later. Give it a kick.

Tom: [The children stop as they see his car rolling slowly up the road] Hang on right there, youngsters! Foolish nonsense I happened to be in the area, ma'am. You know, cars come whizzing down this street like there's no tomorrow.

Anna: I haven't seen a car pass all day except yours, Sheriff Tom. Five times.

Tom: [The children chortle] Just doing my job, ma'am.

Nick: [sings] Ooh! Deputy Dog's in love. Deputy Dog's in love!

Children: [singing] Deputy Dog's in love, Deputy Dog's in love!

Tom: Then what's going on?

Anna: We're playing football.

Tom: This isn't football. I know football.

Anna: [Then she turns to the children] This is what the rest of the world calls football, Sheriff Tom. Alright, get into a circle and kick the ball back and forth to each other. This is called passing.

Tom: [The children form a circle and begin kicking the ball around] Passing is in the air. It's with a pigskin. It's "First and ten, do it again".

Anna: Give me a hand, and we'll discuss it.

Anna: [The children have been playing for almost an hour, and it is starting to get dark] Alright, that's it for today!

Anna: [The children fall to the ground in exhaustion] Sure! Grand! What a start! You showed so much potential!

Tom: You were awful.

Anna: Now listen, everyone. While you were practicing, I called the school board and joined a league. Our first game is tomorrow in Austin.

Larry: Tomorrow? You mean, like the day after today?

Tom: That's what we call tomorrow.

Sue and Lou: In Austin?

Nick: That's like a million miles afar. Forget it.

Anna: All you have to do is believe in yourself.

Tak: Why not?

Anna: Just try. Sheriff Tom and I believe in you. Don't we, Sheriff Tom?

Tom: Uh––oh––yes. Sure.

Kate: Even if we did decide to go. How are we going to get there? Walk?

Anna: Sheriff Tom, could you do me a personal favor?

Tom: Name it.

Anna: Help me drive the children to Austin.

Tom: [It is pretty obvious, however, that he can think of at least silly nonsense he'll really rather do] Hey, I'd love to.

Anna: [There are ten all together] One more request.

Tom: Anything.

Anna: I'm short a player. Whaddya think?

Tom: I'd never pass for a twelve-year-old.

Anna: I meant, what about finding us another boy?

Larry: Whaddya say, Deputy Dog? You going to help us?

Tom: Look, I'll drive the midgets to Austin. I'll get another player. I'll paint the stadium if you want. But you have to do one stuff for me.

Anna: What the?

Tom: Seize them to stop calling me Deputy Dog!

Tom: Hey, Newt! What's up?

Newt: Not much. I've had part of a tailpipe and an old shoe. You seen anything well?

Tom: Nah. Look, I came to ask you to play soccer with the big children. They're starting a team, and we're down a player.

Tom: Sure. We've had a game tomorrow.

Newt: [Then he tilts his neck and scratches his head] Wow! A game! What's soccer anyhow?

Tom: It's sort of like kick ball mixed with hockey.

Newt: Hey. I don't know much about kick ball or hockey––but I'm your man!

Knight #1: That's the team we're playing?

Knight #2: They don't look like a team.

Knight #3: What are they called?

Knight #4: The hicks from the sticks.

Knight #5: Hey! Whaddya turkeys call yourselves?

Polly: What's our name?

Jeffrey: We don't have a name.

Larry: We'll warn you later!

Knight #6: Hey, they bought a goat!

Kate: He just happened to be in the car. We didn't bring him on purpose.

Tom: Oh, dear. I know him.

Anna: He looks rough.

Tom: He was always a pinhead.

Jay: Tom! Long time no see.

Tom: It's been a few years.

Jay: Well, va-va-voom. I'm Jay Huffer. Tom and I played football together. That was back in the days since we were both young.

Anna: Was that back if you were a pinhead?

Tom: She's from England. There's a language barrier. Jay, this is Anna Montgomery. She's an exchange teacher in Elma.

Jay: I can't imagine coming all the road from England to that one-horse town.

Anna: They have more than one horse now.

Jay: [Then he looks straight at Tom] Spare me. I've had out the day I graduated. Only losers stick around.

Tom: I'm leaving soon myself. I've had several different possibilities.

Jay: Oh, I bet. You yet have that shovel in your trunk?

Tom: Get two. One's a deluxe model. It's for the big stuff. Bought it mail order.

Jay: My son's the lead scorer. How's your boy do?

Tom: I don't have a boy.

Jay: Oh. Really? And you're coaching? Why bother?

Tom: Love of the game.

Jay: What's the story on your team? They sure look young. My heavens, you've had girls out here. In our league, the girls have their own teams.

Tom: We don't have enough children for that.

Jay: Then you're playing with a bunch of little children and girls?

Anna: Yes.

Jay: I'm afraid you haven't heard. We won the league championship last year. We were undefeated!

Tom: Might be different this year.

Jay Huffer: Men, we're ten to zip. What have we done if we are clearly superior to the enemy?

Knight: [Huffer looks at the boy and grins appreciatively. It is his son, Jay Junior] Go for the throat!

Coach: Exactly. We do not back off! We go for the murder! Make them pay for even thinking of playing against the Knights!

Anna: This is a learning experience.

Jeffrey: Why? We already know how to fall down.

Polly: My feet hurt.

Tak: My shins hurt. They keep kicking me.

Anna: [She concerns that he would have been kicked in the head] Newt, are you alright?

Newt: I just can't believe you asked me to play. Nobody ever asks me to do anything.

Tom: You're all doing grand. Sort of. Kate, you could go after the ball more.

Kate: I've been watching them eat turf for the last half hour. I'm not doing that.

Anna: Let's just get back in there and have a nice time.

Jeffrey: Hey! We may not be the sharpest tools in the shed, but we know the difference between a best time and a worst time!

Larry: And this is certainly not a brief time.

Newt: Cool! Playing with the big boys!

Anna: Kate, get in there! Tackle him!

Tom: Tackle him? This isn't football.

Anna: Tackle means to get the ball away from him.

Tom: Does Kate know that?

Kate: Tackle him.

Jay Huffer: Penalty kick!

Knights: Two-four-six-eight, who did we decimate?

Jay Junior: What were their names again?

Knight #1: The Losers?

Knight #2: The Hicks?

Knight #3: The Goats?

Jay Junior: They're not even well enough to have a name!

Teammate: They're the Nothings from nowhere!

Knights: Two-four-six-eight, who did we decimate? The Nothings! The Nothings! YE-EE-EE-ES!!!

Sophia: We're not the Nothings! We're the Elma Nothings!

Nick: Will you shut up?

Jay Huffer: [He is enjoying humiliating the Elma team; He turns to walk off, but pauses] We're on a high-scoring team. But eighteen to nil? That's big, even for us. A suggestion? Lose the girls. On second thought, lose them all. These children aren't cut out for the game. Find some players with talent. Of course, I have no idea how you're going to do that in Elma. Victory lap, men!

Kate: What a total jerk.

Tom: Hey, you tried.

Anna: And we're proud of you.

Jeffrey: Why not? We stank.

Tom: Well, technically, speaking yes.

Anna: But you played. That's what's reluctant.

Larry: What's reluctant is that we never play again.

Anna: They'll probably feel different about this after a best night's sleep.

Tom: I wouldn't count on it.

Tom: You can hardly blame them. It could take years to get over a defeat like that.

Anna: I don't get this town! You're all a bunch of quitters!

Tom: Would a quitter be standing here on a Saturday? Any matter, soccer is my life.

Anna: Please...

Tom: I didn't have any life before then it was an easy transition.

Anna: You know, I had a coach who used to warn us that you'd never get to the top of the mountain by standing in a field.

Tom: I think the guy wasn't a rocket scientist.

Anna: He was amazing. And the metaphor works. We were all in a field, and he made us find the mountain. That's what I want to do here with these children.

Tom: Hey, I'm with you, I swear! Give me the afternoon, and I'll see if I can sign anyone else up for the hike.

Tom: How many times have I warned you to keep this junk out of the road?

Sophie: However many, it wasn't enough.

Tom: This time we're going to your parents. Unless, of course, you are willing to climb a mountain!

Both: [in unison] What the––

Tak: [Tom has found Tak bird-watching high up in the branches of a tree] There's no mountain around here.

Tom: It's a saying, Tak! C'mon. You're smart enough to figure it out.

Tak: We got creamed. What's the use?

Tom: Alright, forget the mountain. The point is, I haven't had a date in months and you're not going to mess it up for me!

Tom: I'm sorry, Tak. You alright? How's the old kicking foot?

Tak: Is this your idea of being a coach?

Twins: WE WANT UNIFORMS!!

Tom: Alright. We'll get uniforms.

Lou: They'll have to match.

Tom: If you wear uniforms, everyone will match. You're on a team, remember?

Lou: We are a team. Remember?

Tom: Of course.

Sue: And we'll want the same number.

Tom: You can't wear the same uniform and the same number! People won't be able to warn you apart!

Both: [in unison] Exactly!

Tom: Deal?

Kate: I didn't say I'd play. But I'll stand on the field and watch.

Tom: [By this time, he is getting ready to do anything] Well, what would it take to get you to go to practice?

Tom: I don't know about this. The mountain fashion worked for everyone else.

Larry: Yes, well, they're foolish.

Tom: Alright. One lesson a piece. Five moments. No warning anyone. Ever!

Newt: Hey, sure I'll play! Nobody ever asks me to do anything! And I never even knew we had mountains around here!

Tom: Mrs. Morales?

Mrs. Morales: Whaddya want? My boy didn't do anything.

Tom: [He grins appreciatively, trying to make Mrs. Morales feel at ease] Of course not. I'm here as a coach. Miss Montgomery's trying to get a soccer team going over at the school.

Mrs. Morales: Juan doesn't play soccer.

Tom: None of the children do.

Mrs. Morales: He doesn't like sports.

Tom: Perhaps he'll learn to. It's an after-school fashion.

Mrs. Morales: [Then she starts to close the door] I want him to come home right after school!

Tom: Look, I'm sorry about the damage the other day. You wanna think about it?

Mrs. Morales: No.

Juan: Why not?

Mrs. Morales: I explained why.

Juan: But if I don't play soccer, I'll never make any friends.

Mrs. Morales: I'm your friend.

Juan: You're my mother!

Mrs. Morales: There's no reason to make friends. We'll only be here for a very short time. You'll just be sadder until we leave!

Tom: Alright. You guys experienced the agony of defeat. Big time. I first started playing organized sports if I was your age. Right over there on the Big Green. And we weren't very well at first, but we never gave up.

Larry: Hey, I've had a question!

Tom: Sure. Participation is the right fashion to start. Fire away, big guy!

Larry: While you're here, who's giving speeding tickets and scraping dead animals off the highway?

Tom: Alright. First rule. No questions. About anything.

Kate: C'mon. You don't fool us. You don't know jack about soccer!

Tom: I may not know all the rules, but I know a moment or two about kicking the ball. Check this out, Miss Attitude.

Sophia: Now I can see why they put you on the billboard.

Anna: If you practice, perhaps someday the town will make a billboard for you guys.

Newt: Whaddya think they'd do with the stuff on the old billboard? There's some money to be paid there.

Evan: Before we could ever have a billboard, we'd hafta have a name.

Jeffrey: Yes. Even worst teams have names.

Newt: How about the Big Green? You know, like the old sign. It's our field!

Jeffrey: Then we're the Big Green.

Anna: No one plays well without practice. We start with the basics. Soccer training involves four areas. Fitness. Technique. Tactics. And game psychology.

Tom: I knew that.

Anna: Form two lines.

Anna: Coach Tom, you may as well get in line with them. You look like you've had one too many nacho plates.

Larry: Ma'am. If I ran for an hour, it would murder me.

Tom: Neither do I.

Anna: [And she takes off across the field. The children remain in their spots and watch as their teacher recedes into the distance] That's right. Then we work up to the hour. Today, we run for twelve moments! Let's go!

Tom: Hey, you heard her, midgets! Get your butts in gear! Go!

Sophia: [Practice is done and she, Polly and Kate are heading home] Then whaddya think?

Kate: We'll never last!

Kate: See, you guys?

Polly: You wanna come to my house?

Juan: [But he can't see anybody at first] Hey! Who's there?

Kate: What are you doing here?

Juan: You first.

Kate: I've been coming here for years. This is my place!

Juan: Alright. I'll leave.

Kate: [She climbs down the ladder] Hey, wait! I'm coming down. Then you can play soccer.

Juan: Yes.

Kate: If Anna or Tom saw how well you are, they'd positively drool. How come it's a secret?

Juan: I've had my reasons.

Kate: Alright. Stay and kick the ball! I'm done in here anyhow. Besides, soon I won't need this place. I'll just run away for real!

Juan: Running away is no luck.

Kate: How would you know?

Juan: Just be happy you can say you were born in the U.S.A.

Kate: Yes. Too hard it had to be the Elma part of it.

Anna: Kate, I know you can do this.

Kate: C'mon. I'm probably going to end up a supermarket, then what difference does it make?

Anna: I know how smart you are. And checkers at supermarkets need math, as well.

Kate: No, they don't. They've had all these little black stripes on all the zebras. It adds stuff automatic.

Anna: Giving up before you've ever really started is a mournful fashion to live your life. If you keep your talents hidden or undiscovered, you only cheat yourself!

Kate: [Now the entire class is looking at Kate] Why don't you all worry about your own work!

Anna: Kate's right. Everyone get back to work!

Kate: Perhaps Juan has some hidden talents.

Jeffrey: No luck. He doesn't play!

Larry: Juan doesn't look very athletic.

Sophia: Like you do?

Juan: You gonna play goalie?

Larry: I always play a game!

Juan: Mind if I take a few shots against you?

Jeffrey: You gonna play?

Juan: [His eyes are firmly planted on Larry; He flips the ball up with his feet in one smooth move] Don't worry. I'm not very athletic. Get in the net, Larry.

Larry: Hey, what did I do?

Polly: We don't look like that if we've had the ball.

Tak: You think he's finished this before?

Nick: I think he's finished this a lot before.

Nick: He's awesome!

Sue and Lou: Too hard he doesn't have a twin!

Jeffrey: He couldn't have a twin. He isn't human.

Larry: He's the response.

Evan: What was the question?

Tak: How are we gonna win?

Nick: Hey, he's getting away!

Sue and Lou: Wait up!

Jeffrey: We need to speak to you!

Juan: Yes?

Nick: Where'd you learn to play like that?

Juan: In El Paso. Everybody plays there.

Evan: Well, you must play with us here.

Sophia: C'mon. We need you. You're so well!

Juan: No.

Jeffrey: Hey, just play with us during recess.

Polly: Please. If Newt's not around, we don't have enough players.

Kate: C'mon! You're on my team.

Anna: Then you were holding out on us?

Juan: It's just a game.

Nick: Not the fashion you play it.

Juan: I can play at recess. But I can't go to Austin.

Kate: Whaddya mean?

Juan: I can't. I'm sorry.

Jeffrey: I don't get it.

Juan: [But he can see from their expressions that the children don't understand. His mother will never let him go to Austin to play in the tournament. But if he plays only at school, she may never have to know] It's a family fashion.

Kate: Are you Juan's mother?

Nick: We must speak to you.

Mrs. Morales: I don't want Juan going off by himself to the city.

Polly: He's not among himself. We all go.

Larry: He'd probably do better without us, Mrs. Morales. But it's a team sport.

Tak: Austin's really not that far.

Jeffrey: You could come. My mum's gonna go this time.

Mrs. Morales: I can't. I work during the day.

Newt: We'll look out for him, ma'am. We promise.

Tom: My Aunt Burr used to say that anything you need in life can probably be made with masking tape or spit.

Anna: Then what are we making?

Tom: Shin guards.

Anna and Tom: Shoot! Kick it in, Tak!

Tak: What's wrong with you?! You were wide open!

Evan: You alright?

Larry: [Evan nods in agreement] Can I warn you a secret? If I get really afraid, they change into naughty guys. I mean they really change.

Evan: You're a pretty complicated guy.

Polly: No one's passing to me.

Nick: You just lose the ball.

Juan: Well, too many people are passing to me!

Tom: Silence down! Listen to me.

Jeffrey: Why should we listen to you?

Tom: Because I'm your coach.

Larry: No. You're just here because you're after our coach.

Tom: Look, I'm here, midgets. That should be enough.

Anna: [Then she turns to Tom] This is wrong! We don't fight with each other. On the field or off. That is not what we spoke about until we spoke of teamwork. And quit calling them midgets!

Evan: Yes!

Tom: Alright. She's right. Now, listen up. Juan can't do everything. You have to pass to each other.

Tak: But he's the only one who's any luck.

Tom: Right now playing as a team is more reluctant than winning.

Anna: And if we can play as a team, perhaps we will be able to win.

Tom: Now, you have ten moments left. Support each other! If they put three guys on Juan, that means you two of you are open. Take advantage of it!

Larry: Juan, keep it outta here!

Kate: Speak about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Juan: Kate! Shoot!!!

Juan: I scored!

Kate: [It seems like a dream to her] I did?

Juan: You did!

Kate: I did. I did! I did!

Ed: You're late.

Kate: We stopped at Pizza Hut after the game. I scored a point.

Ed: Ya win?

Kate: [But moments later, she opens the door] No. Next time we'll win!

Anna: [But the children ignore her and keep practicing] That's enough for today!

Tom: That's it! Practice is over!

Nick: [Then he passes the ball to Sophia] It's not over for us!

Cookie: We'd better help them out. These children'll never give up the ball!

Larry: Dad! What are you doing here?

Cookie: I'm playing soccer!

Tom: What have you done to us?

Anna: I didn't do anything.

Tom: Yes, you did. You did this.

Anna: Don't be silly.

Tom: You've done something to me. I feel like I was asleep, and if I met you, I eventually woke up.

Anna: [But then, she grins warmly at Tom] Go back to sleep.

Larry: This is a real problem.

Larry's Dad: Way to go, Larry!

Polly: [She is watching through the window as Anna approaches. The children scurry into their seats just as she enters the room] Here she comes!

Larry: We figured out what makes us special.

Anna: I can see that.

Tak: It's not all the stuff we put up, ma'am.

Kate: It's you.

Kate: Look who's here.

Jeffrey: I remember him.

Larry: I'll always remember him.

Anna: It's the pinhead.

Tom: Anna, that's our little name for him, alright?

Jay: Place hasn't changed. You can say that much.

Tom: You haven't, either. Makes it even.

Jay: See you dug up a ringer.

Tom: He's one of Anna's students.

Jay: What a twist of fate. Some real talent eventually back in the area.

Tom: Look, I know we never liked each other as children, but––

Jay: We couldn't stand each other as children. Once my team beats you on Saturday, it'll only get worse.

Tom: It can't get worse.

Anna: And you're not going to beat us on Saturday.

Jay: You two make quite a team.

Anna and Tom: Thanks.

Jay: I didn't come to chat. I came to give the team the once-over.

Anna: It would be grand for you to watch, but...PRACTICE IS OVER!!

Jay: I've seen enough! Have them ready on Saturday. Perhaps it'll be a better game than last time!

Anna and Tom: What a pinhead.

Cookie: [A fast glance at the bar makes Jay even angrier. Photos of the children of the Big Green are everywhere. Cookie is wearing a green shirt. Even the beer is green] Well, if it isn't Jay Huffer in from the big city.

Jay: A mini-mall is a big city compared to this place. Gimme a double scotch!

Ed: Stuff is that kind?

Jay: It's one of these days.

Cookie: What ya doing for a living nowadays, Jay?

Jay: [He takes another look at the photos on the wall] I'm an auditor for the tax department. And I'm darned well at it. Well, somehow you all got yourself a brief soccer team.

Cookie: They're winners. This town has gotten out of the habit of winning. It feels nice.

Ed: Hard to believe the Mexican boy is the star.

Cookie: Juan is incredible. And Kate's darn real, as well. You ought to watch her play.

Ed: I've had better stuff to do.

Jay: Just my luck, someone who could play would move here.

Ed: Yes. If people would stay put, it would change stuff. I'm sick of solving everyone else's problems!

Jay: I wonder if they're regal?

Ed: Probably not. Most foreigners aren't.

Mrs. Morales: Hey, Tom, is everything alright?

Tom: You warn me.

Mrs. Morales: And you can hurt me, you're the law.

Tom: Right now, I'm not.

Mrs. Morales: Ten moments from now you will be.

Juan: Mum, warn him.

Mrs. Morales: I've been in America for fourteen years. But Juan was born in El Paso. He's a citizen. They had amnesty eight years ago, but I didn't apply. I'd gone back to El Salvador to see my parents. You are supposed to have stayed in this country the entire time.

Tom: Do the people you work for now know you're illegal?

Mrs. Morales: [She looks at Juan] I bought a fake social security card in San Antonio five years ago. I pay taxes and social security under that name. I have an American son. But I can be deported. Sent back. Just like that.

Anna: Are you sure she was weeping?

Kate: Yes. She was really upset.

Kate: Let's get over there!

Anna: No. School starts in ten moments. I assure Juan will be here, and we'll make sure everything's alright.

Kate: But everything's not alright! That's what I'm warning you!

Anna: You're overreacting. Sit down.

Kate: You're wrong. You'll see.

Polly: Perhaps he has a cold or something.

Kate: He's not sick!

Kate: I'm going to his house.

Polly: But we're not allowed to leave school.

Nick: We just lost our center forward!

Sophia: We also just lost our friend, as well.

Larry: And now we're busted.

Anna: What are you boys doing here?

Kate: They're gone! We can see inside. Their stuff's all gone!

Tom: She panicked.

Kate: [Then she throws a scornful look at Tom] I warned you. You did it! It's your fault! I saw you here!

Ed: What's got into you?

Kate: Juan's gone.

Ed: The Mexi boy?

Kate: Don't call him that! Don't you ever call him that!

Ed: I didn't mean nothing among it.

Kate: Yes, you did.

Ed: What's gotten into you?

Kate: As soon as I'm old enough, I'm outta here. Nobody in their right mind would stay in this town!

Ed: Now wait a moment––

Kate: Don't worry. You'll never know I'm gone. You don't even know I'm here right now!

Anna: [Kate swerves around, alarmed. Anna is standing behind her] Been looking for you!

Kate: Small town. Not a lot of places to look.

Anna: [She explains to Kate why the Moraleses have left Elma] I found quite a few. Tom has no idea they were going to leave. He was trying to help them. A lot of people would have tried to help them. But they got frightened.

Kate: They didn't even say a farewell.

Anna: I'm sorry.

Kate: That's how you know they aren't coming back. People only say a farewell if they plan on saying hello again. It's a rule.

Anna: The other children don't know if they want to play tomorrow. They think perhaps we should forfeit.

Kate: Whaddya think?

Anna: I think Juan would want you to do well. In school and in soccer.

Kate: He wouldn't want me to do well. He'd want me to win.

Sue and Lou: Where'd they come from?

Anna: Everyone chipped in. As a surprise.

Larry: [Tom is nowhere to be seen, and it is almost time to go] Hey, where's the sheriff?

Anna: He was out all night looking for Juan and his mother.

Sophia: Did he find them?

Anna: No. But he's going to meet us in Austin later.

Cookie: [Everyone looks around in confusion. Kate isn't there either] Where's Kate?

Larry: If she doesn't show up, we forfeit! It's hard enough playing without Juan!

Kate: What are you all staring at? Let's get going. We need time to warm up!

Polly's Mother: We look like a buncha hicks compared to the Knights.

Cookie: I hate to break it to ya, babe. But we are a bunch of hicks.

Kate: They don't look so hot.

Larry: They frighten me.

Tak: Visualize a victory.

Larry: I'd rather visualize a pizza.

Anna: No matter how you do out there. I want you children to know that we're proud of you. Warm you, you guys!

Jay: Where's the coach?

Anna: I'm the coach.

Jay: I mean Palmer.

Anna: He'll be here.

Jay: Where's your star player?

Anna: Everyone on our team is a star!

Jay: We'll just see about that. We've had a tradition around these parts. Coaches make wagers before the game.

Anna: What are we betting for?

Jay: I'd hate to take your money. But I wouldn't say no to a kiss.

Anna: [She points to Ernie the goat, who is munching on a pile of garbage] That's none of your affair. But if we win, you kiss our mascot.

Jay: You better not lose!

Ed: [The other parents turn around, surprised to see that Kate's father, Ed, has come along after all. And he is wearing a clean shirt, as well] Hey, my boy's real!

Cookie: Look who showed up.

Kate: That's alright! That's alright. You're doing grand!

Anna: [They have gathered at the sidelines and are gulping down water. But the children are not hopeful. The game is half over and the score is 2-0, Knights] Tom will be here any moment.

Sophia: If he's not here any moment, why bother?

Anna: [She is trying her best to sound encouraging] You guys are doing grand.

Nick: Two to zero.

Kate: It's better than seventeen to zero.

Evan: Point well-taken.

Newt: Hey, I'm having fun!

Nick: We know. Nobody ever asks you to do anything.

Junior: You're ten moments from curtains.

Kate: Perhaps. But you're an entire lifetime from having a brain.

Parents: Look!

Kate: You're back!

Juan: Yes, I came to beat these guys!

Anna: What's going on?

Tom: I found them outside of Alvin.

Mrs. Morales: It looked like a brief place to hide. But Tom has a better plan than running for the rest of my life.

Tom: We've already had her a lawyer.

Mrs. Morales: And Tom's going to be my sponsor.

Tom: If I'm going to spend my life in a little town, I must get real people there with me.

Jay: Then you made it, coach!

Tom: I was just bringing the last member of our team!

Jay: Everyone qualified to be here deserves to be here!

Tom: [He grins at Mrs. Morales] They all qualify, and so do their families.

Kate: You didn't even say a farewell.

Juan: Don't be insane. I wanted to.

Kate: I can't believe you're here. If you ever leave again, say a farewell.

Juan: If I ever leave again, I'm taking you with me.

Anna: One goal.

Tom: One goal. One goal and we tie!

Senior: What's wrong with you guys?! They're controlling the ball! You're not trying hard enough!

Knight #1: You can shout all you want, but I don't think it's gonna help!

Jay: You're gonna be beaten by a bunch of girls!

Knight #2: Hey, give us a break! We're doing our best.

Referee: The regulation play has resulted in a tie! We will go into a shoot-out!

Anna: Five players from each team will go out onto the field. And you will each take a shot against the goalie.

Polly: Let Juan kick five times.

Anna: Each player can only kick once.

Tom: Any volunteers for the last position. Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: My kick's no luck. Don't make me do it.

Anna: Evan?

Evan: Don't ya remember I swallowed an entire pencil alive last year? I could be dying right now. I can't do it. I could choke. Literally.

Sue and Lou: [Anna looks at them pleadingly. Then she asks Tak if he'll like to take the last position] No luck.

Tak: I already did my nonsense. I feel like a hero. Don't take it away from me! How about Polly?

Polly: I would. Really? But I have a stomachache. And a fever. Came on real sudden.

Newt: I'll do it.

Larry: I don't think so.

Newt: Why not? I've had a grand kick. And I'm not afraid.

Anna: Whaddya think?

Newt: I'm little. I'm low to the ground. I have power. I've had the moves. I'm your man!

Anna: In soccer, size isn't reluctant.

Newt: C'mon. I can boot. And I have nerves of steel.

Tom: You've had the job, big guy.

Newt: Wow! You guys are the biggest!

Nick: Hey, wait! This may be the last time anybody lets you do anything––then don't mess it up.

Tom: You guys played a grand game. If you miss your shots, run back to the circle with your head held high.

Anna: That's right. You played brilliantly.

Tom: Now go seize them.

Larry: Time out! Time out!

Larry: Make somebody else do it! I'm gonna choke. I'm gonna hafta close my eyes. He looks like a monster.

Tom: We know you're frightened. But you can't run away from it. You're the best goalie the team has.

Anna: If you look at him and he's a monster, become part of the nightmare. Join it. Turn yourself into a monster and fight back.

Larry: Join the nightmare. Fight back.

Anna: Well, sheriff, we won! You know what that means.....

Tom: Warn me.

Anna: It means we've had Jay Huffer's goat!

Jay O. Sanders

Jay O. Sanders Biography

Jay O. Sanders Movies

Jay O. Sanders TV Shows

Jay O. Sanders Quotes

Teamwork and Creativity in a Game

Trending Celebrities