Jeff BridgesQuotes

The Dude: [[money; [w:paraquat|paraquat] You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fuckin glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some ] disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on! You'd just met me! You f— you human ]! You figured "oh, here's a loser", you know? A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about.

Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude. He kept the money. My point is: here we are. It's shabbos, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death.

The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin about?

The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic.

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Walter Sobchak: And you know this!

The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.

Walter Sobchak: [[w:Tevye|Tevye] So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish? I'm as Jewish as fucking ].

The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.

Walter Sobchak: [[Moses] Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from ] to Sandy Koufax. You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past! I'm— Jesus. What the hell happened?

Maude Lebowski: What do you do for— for recreation?

The Dude: [[LSD|acid] Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional ] flashback.

Donny: They posted the next round for the tournament!

Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f— When do we play?

Donny: This Saturday. Quintana and—

Walter Sobchak: Saturday? Well, they'll have to reschedule.

The Dude: Walter, what am I gonna tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league office–who's in charge of scheduling?

The Dude: Walter.

Donny: Burkhalter.

Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!

The Dude: Walter.

Donny: They already posted it.

Walter Sobchak: Well, they can fucking unpost it!

The Dude: Who gives a shit? They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude. Eventually she'll get tired of her little game and, you know, wander on back.

Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.

Donny: What's that, Walter?

The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?!

Walter Sobchak: [[w:Jewish|Jewish; [money] Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the ] day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle ], I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don't fucking roll!

Donny: Sheesh.

Walter Sobchak: Shomer Shabbos!

The Dude: Walter, how am I going to—

Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking Shabbos.

The Dude: [leaves] Oh, fuck! That's it. I'm outta here.

Walter Sobchak: [looks at Donny and mouths "What a fucking baby". Donny smirks and nods] Come on, Dude!

The Dude: Jesus, man, can you change the channel?

Cab Driver: Fuck you, man! If you don't like my fucking music, get your own fucking cab!

The Dude: I had a really rough—

Cab Driver: I'll pull to the side and kick your ass out.

The Dude: Man, come on. I had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

Cab Driver: Out of my fucking cab! Out!

Walter Sobchak: That wasn't her toe, Dude.

The Dude: Whose toe was it, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: How the fuck should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates—

The Dude: The nail polish, Walter!

Walter Sobchak: Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to take some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe.

The Dude: Someone else's?

Walter Sobchak: Pinking shears.

The Dude: Where the fuck are they gonna—

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it. Believe me.

The Dude: Yeah, but Walter—

Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon, with nail polish. These fucking amateurs! They send us a toe, we're supposed to shit ourselves with fear. Jesus Christ!

The Dude: Walter—

Walter Sobchak: Now the point is—

The Dude: They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me.

Walter Sobchak: Dude, that's— That's just the stress talkin', man. Now so far, we have, what appears to me, to be a series of victimless crimes.

The Dude: What about the toe?

Walter Sobchak: Forget about the fucking toe!

Waitress at diner: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.

Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!

The Dude: Walter, this is not a First Amendment thing, man.

Waitress at diner: Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!

The Dude: All right. I'm outta here.

Walter Sobchak: [to the waitress; drinks his coffee, trying to ignore people staring at him] Oh come on, Dude. Don't walk away, man! C'mon, this affects all of us, man! Our basic freedoms! I'm stayin'. I'm finishing my coffee. Enjoying my coffee.

The Dude: She probably kidnapped herself.

Walter Sobchak: Huh?

Donny: What do you mean, Dude?

The Dude: Rug peers did not do this. Look at it! A young trophy wife marries this guy for his money. she figures he isn't given her enough, you know. She owes money all over town.

Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch.

The Dude: [[w:Vladimir Lenin|Lenin] It's all a goddamn fake, man! It's like ] said: You look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know—

Donny: [[:w:I am the walrus|I am the walrus] ]"?

The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say?

Donny: I am the walrus.

Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch

The Dude: Oh yeah!

Donny: I am the walrus.

Walter Sobchak: That's ex— Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?

Walter Sobchak: Fuckin exactly what happened to those— That makes me fuckin sick!

The Dude: Well, what do you care, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole fuckin thing! I did not watch my buddies die face-down in the muck so this fuckin strumpet, this fuckin whore could waltz around town–

The Dude: Walter, Walter, I don't see any connection to Vietnam, man.

Walter Sobchak: Well there isn't a literal connection, Dude.

The Dude: Walter, face it. There isn't any connection. Your roll.

Walter Sobchak: Have it your way, but my point that—

The Dude: Your roll.

Walter Sobchak: My point is—

Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up!

The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, uh, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes "click".

The Dude: Jesus.

Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with The Jesus.

Walter Sobchak: Eight year olds, Dude.

Bunny: [on video] You must be here to fix the cable.

Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.

The Dude: He fixes the cable?

Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

The Dude: Fuckin Quintana. that creep can roll, man.

Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

The Dude: Yeah.

Walter Sobchak: No! He's a sex offender, with a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.

The Dude: Oh!

Walter Sobchak: [[w:pederasty|pederast] When he moved to Hollywood, he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a ].

Donny: What's a pederast, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Walter Sobchak: [[pacifism] You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in ] at one point. Not in Nam of course.

The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.

Walter Sobchak: You mean beyond pacifism?

Walter Sobchak: Fucking dog has fucking papers— Over the line!

Smokey: Huh?

Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.

Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.

Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.

Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.

Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

The Dude: Hey, Walter. Come on. it's just– Hey man, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, you know. It's just a game, man.

Walter Sobchak: This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong?

Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't—

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?

Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Give me the marker Dude. I'm marking an 8.

Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a pistol] Smokey, my friend you're entering a world of pain.

The Dude: Walter, man.

Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, you're entering a world of pain.

Smokey: I'm not—

Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.

Smokey: Look, Dude, I– This is your partner.

Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!

The Dude: They're calling the cops, man. Put the piece away.

Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero!

The Dude: Walter, put the piece away.

Smokey: Walter?

Walter Sobchak: [racks slide] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!

Smokey: [marks the card] All right. It's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?

Walter Sobchak: It's a league game, Smokey.

Brandt: Uh, our guest needs to be going now, Mrs. Lebowski.

The Dude: Oh, you're Bunny.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt: [laughs] Wonderful woman! We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.

Brandt: Ha ha. That's marvelous.

The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

The Big Lebowski: What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Dude.

The Big Lebowski: Huh?

The Dude: Uhh... I don't know sir.

The Big Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?

The Dude: Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles

The Dude: Yeah, man, it really tied the room together.

Walter Sobchak: This was a valued, uh...

The Dude: Yeah.

Donny: What tied the room together, Dude?

The Dude: My rug.

Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?

Donny: What?

The Dude: Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?

Donny: I was bowling.

Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know–

The Dude: Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?

Walter Sobchak: There's no reason–Here's my point, Dude–There's no fucking reason why these two–

Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?

Walter Sobchak: Huh?

The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here. What the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you–? I'm not...we're talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude.

Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?

The Dude: My rug.

Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element!

The Dude: Look, Walter–Walter, the Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dude! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you do not— Also, Dude, "Chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. "Asian-American," please.

The Dude: [[W:Transcontinental Railroad|a guy who built the railroads] Walter, this isn't ] here. This is a guy—

Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you—

The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!

Donny: He peed on The Dude's rug.

Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

The Dude: So, who? Who...?

Walter Sobchak: Jeff Lebowski, the other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire!

The Dude: That's fucking interesting, man. That's fucking interesting.

Walter Sobchak: Plus, he has the wealth, obviously, and the resources. So that there's no reason–there's no fucking reason–why his wife should go out and owe money all over town, and then they come, and they pee on your fucking rug! Am I wrong?

The Dude: No.

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?

The Dude: Yeah, but–

Walter Sobchak: Okay, then. That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

The Dude: Fuckin A.

Donny: And this guy peed on it.

Walter Sobchak: Donny. Please.

The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.

Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.

The Dude: My— my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!

Frank Baker: So what’s there to talk about?

Jack Baker: We’re still brothers.

Frank Baker: I’m touched, Jack. Really.

Jack Baker: Frank...

Frank Baker: Look, Jack. If you want to piss away everything we’ve built over fifteen years, that’s fine. Just spare me the ruminations on brotherly love.

Jack Baker: Listen to me, Frank...

Frank Baker: I don’t want to listen to you anymore, Jack. What’re you going to tell me? That I wasted your life? That I twisted your arm for fifteen years? Well, forget it, little brother. That’s a lie. Hear me? A fucking lie.

Jack Baker: [pause] You’re right. Okay? You’re right. I don’t blame you, Frank. I don’t blame anyone. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m drying up inside, Frank. I’ve been drying up for years. Do you understand? Somewhere along the way I started to close down. It’s like I had this big house and one day I just started painting the windows black, one by one. I mean, I sit in the fucking Hilton or the Sheraton or wherever, practically every night of my life, and from the minute I get onstage, I’m waiting for it to end. We play the same goddamn songs the same goddamn way every night. That isn’t enough for me. It just doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s dishonest. I can’t do that anymore. I’ve been lying to myself long enough.

Jack Baker: You look good.

Susie Diamond: You look like shit.

Jack Baker: No, I mean it. You look good.

Susie Diamond: I mean it, too. You look like shit.

Jack Baker: What’s happened to you, Frank? You been kissing ass so long you’re starting to like it? You let that guy turn us into clowns tonight. We were always small-time, but we were never clowns, Frank. What’s happened to your dignity?

Frank Baker: [Frank reaches into Jack’s coat, coming away with the whiskey; Jack tries to grab the bottle but Frank holds it away; Jack stares at Frank, then turns and begins to walk away] Dignity? Who the hell are you to talk about dignity? This where you get your dignity, Jack? This where you get your courage? No, let’s do it straight for once. I want to explain something to you, little brother. See, there are people in this world who depend on me. I’ve got a wife, and two kids who expect to wake up every morning with food on the table and heat in the house. I got a mortgage. I got car payments. And, oh yeah, I got you. My little brother Jack who’s so cool and so hip and so fucking sure he’s better than everyone else. Don’t you think I’d like to walk up to one of these assholes and blow smoke in his face? Goddamn right I would. But I can’t. I have to be responsible, little brother. I have to make sure the numbers balance out in my favor at the end of each month so everyone can go on living their lives. You don’t win medals for it, but you can be damn sure you’d all take notice if I folded up shop. So don’t talk to me about dignity, little brother. You’re drawing on a weak hand. Great. Terrific. Walk away. You’re good at that, Jack. You never could commit to anything, even a conversation.

Jack Baker: Is that what that was? Sounded more like a speech to me. Next time save it for the PTA.

Frank Baker: You just had to, didn’t you, Jack? You couldn’t keep your cock in your pocket.

Jack Baker: Hey. Who I fuck and who I don’t fuck is none of your fucking business. Got it?

Frank Baker: It is when it affects my business.

Jack Baker: Your business. YOUR business? Your business exists because of me.

Frank Baker: YOU? Who’re you kidding? I make the calendar, I pay the expenses. Christ, I even make your shoes are shined. What do you do? Show up for a couple hours a night and smoke cigarettes.

Jack Baker: Frank. If someone requested “Chopsticks,” you’d ask for the sheet music.

Frank Baker: If it wasn’t for me, little brother, you’d be playing for dimes out of the back of a truck.

Frank Baker: Yeah, you’re a real pro, Frank. You were doing such a bang up job a few months ago, you had ‘em paying us NOT to play. That’s fucking genius.

Susie Diamond: I’m quitting.

Jack Baker: Congratulations.

Susie Diamond: As of now.

Jack Baker: Well, if you ever need a recommendation, let me know.

Susie Diamond: Jesus, you’re cold, you know that? You’re like a fucking razor blade.

Jack: Careful. You’ll have me thinking you’re going soft on me.

Susie Diamond: You don’t give a fuck, do you? About anything.

Jack Baker: Hey. What do you want from me? You want me to tell you to stay? Is that what you’re looking for? You want me to get down on my knees and beg you to deliver the Baker Boys from doom? Well, forget it. We survived for fifteen years before you strutted onto the scene, sweetheart. FIFTEEN YEARS. Two seconds and you’re bawling like a two year old. You shouldn’t be wearing a dress. You should be wearing a diaper.

Susie Diamond: Jesus. You and Egghead ARE brothers, aren’t you?

Jack Baker: Damn straight. And let me tell you something. Over the years they’ve dropped like flies in every fucking hotel in this city, but we’re still here. We’ve never held a day job in our lives. He may be an easy target, but add it up and you’ll see; Frank’s done fine.

Susie Diamond: Yeah. Frank’s done great. He’s got the wife, the kids, the little house in the suburbs. Meanwhile his brother’s sitting in a shitty apartment with a sick dog, Little Orphan Annie, and a chip on his shoulder as big as a Cadillac.

Jack Baker: Listen to me, princess. We fucked twice. That's it. Once the sweat dries, you still don't know shit about me. Got it?

Susie Diamond: I know one thing. While Frank Baker was home putting his kids to sleep last night, little brother Jack was out dusting off his dreams for a few minutes. I was there. I saw it in your face. You're full of shit. You're a fake. Every time you walk into some shitty daiquiri hut, you're selling yourself on the cheap. Hey, I know all about that. I'd find myself at the end of the night with some creep and tell myself it didn't matter. And you kid yourself that you've got this empty place inside where you can put it all. But you do it long enough and all you are is empty.

Jack Baker: I didn't know whores were so philosophical.

Susie Diamond: At least my brother's not my pimp. You know, I had you pegged for a loser the first time I saw you, but I was wrong. You're worse. You're a coward.

Jack Baker: I think you better calm down, Frank.

Frank Baker: I think you better make sure it’s your head that’s doing the thinking these days, little brother.

Susie Diamond: This food’s been sitting here too long. It’s starting to make me feel SICK.

Jack Baker: Why don’t you loosen the leash.

Frank Baker: Let’s not let a whiff of perfume blow off fifteen years. Be reasonable, Jack.

Jack Baker: I play three hundred nights a years with you, Frank. How much more reasonable you expect me to be?

Susie Diamond: You're good, aren't you?

Jack Baker: I can carry a tune.

Susie Diamond: [pause] You're better than that. You know, I saw you guys once. You and Frank. At the Roosevelt.

Jack Baker: Must’ve been a cheap date.

Susie Diamond: Soap convention.

Jack Baker: Soap?

Susie Diamond: Yeah, they got a convention for everything. This guy was some big roller in suds. At least he was clean. Some of the guys I met through the service, you wouldn’t believe. The older ones, they were okay. Nice. Polite. Pulled the chair out for you. But the younger ones...It wasn’t so bad, though. I’d get a nice piece of steak, flowers, sometimes even a gift. Usually whatever the guy was into. Got a set of socket wrenches once. Believe it? The guy looked like he’d just given me four dozen roses. But I stayed at the Hartford once. You should see the rooms. All satin and velvet. And the bed. Royal blue, trimmed in lace clean as snow. Hard to believe sleeping in a room like that don’t change your life. But it don’t. The bed may be magic, but the mirror isn’t. You wake up the same old Susie.

Clerk: Super Chief around the corner.

Jack Baker: Huh?

Clerk: Bathroom. Super Chief around the corner.

Jack Baker: No, I, uh, left a dog here this morning.

Clerk: Regular hours are eight to five.

Jack Baker: Yeah, yeah, I know. I was just passing by. Thought I’d check in on him.

Clerk: You can check in on him tomorrow. Between eight and five.

Jack Baker: Yeah, well, I thought maybe...

Clerk: [shakes his head] Hey, pal. We’re not communicating, are we? You want to know if he’s okay. Right?

Jack Baker: Yeah.

Clerk: All right. Hold on.

Jack Baker: The name’s Baker...

Clerk: Save it. What’s he look like?

Jack Baker: Black. Lab.

Clerk: All right. They lay the dead ones out in the cold room. I’ll take a look.

Clerk: [starts reading his magazine again] Nope. Just a couple poodles.

Jack Baker: I WANT MY DOG.

Clerk: Listen, pal. Get the hell...

Jack Baker: No, YOU listen, you little fuck. You either get off your candy ass and get me my dog or I’m gonna roll that magazine and stick it straight down your throat. Are we communicating now?

Jack Baker: You feel like a cup of coffee?

Susie Diamond: Now? On Christmas Eve?

Susie Diamond: Nah. Gives me the shakes. Anyway, I’d better get home. Rest the pipes.

Jack Baker: You want me to walk you?

Susie Diamond: [pause] No. Thanks. Hey, listen, you’re not going soft on me, are you? I mean, you’re not gonna start dreaming about me and waking up all sweaty and looking at me like I’m some kinda princess when I burp.

Jack Baker: Forget it.

Susie Diamond: I mean, that’d be too creepy with us working together and all.

Jack Baker: Forget it.

Susie Diamond: Nothing personal...

Jack Baker: Better hurry. You’re a nickel down on your cigarette.

Frank Baker: [nervous] I told everyone seven-fifteen. Didn’t I? Seven-fifteen.

Jack Baker: She’ll get here.

Frank Baker: Just like the day of the auditions, right? Jesus. How’s my hair?

Jack Baker: Awe inspiring.

Frank Baker: Yeah, well, yours isn’t. Let me run a comb through it.

Jack Baker: Get out of here!

Frank Baker: It’s not gonna hurt you.

Jack Baker: I’ll hit you, Frank. I swear.

Frank Baker: You hit me!

Jack Baker: I told you I was gonna hit you.

Susie Diamond: This where the auditions are?

Frank Baker: This is where the auditions WERE. We’re finished.

Susie Diamond: What about me?

Frank Baker: You’re an hour and a half late.

Susie Diamond: Yeah, well, I had a little trouble catching a cab.

Frank Baker: Punctuality. First rule of show business.

Susie Diamond: This is show business?

Frank Baker: Look, Miss. We’re tired, you have gum on your lip, and we’re going home.

Susie Diamond: Just like that, huh? I come all the way down here, break a heel, and you’re not going to give me a chance because I have gum on my lip and I’m a few minutes late?

Frank Baker: You’re an hour and a half late. Do you want me to say it again?

Susie Diamond: It’s not exactly bewitching me. Besides, you’re not going anywhere.

Frank Baker: I beg your pardon?

Susie Diamond: Intuition, I’ve had a hunch about this all day. Only I gotta say, in my mind it was a little more glamorous. And anyway, if I’m so late how come you’re still here?

Frank Baker: We ran long.

Susie Diamond: [pause] Uh huh. So where’s the winner? See? What I tell you? Intuition.

Frank Baker: Jack.

Jack Baker: [shrugs] What’ve we got to lose?

Frank Baker: Terrific. Thirty-eight.

Susie Diamond: What’s that? Thirty-eight? You guys have some kind of code or something? You know, I’m sensing a lot of hostility from you.

Frank Baker: Name?

Susie Diamond: Susie. Susie Diamond.

Jack Baker: Catchy. You have any previous experience as a singer, Miss Diamond?

Susie Diamond: No.

Frank Baker: You have any entertainment experience at all?

Susie Diamond: Well... for the last couple years I’ve been on call for the Triple A Escort Service.

Frank Baker: Any RATIONAL reason you think you can sing professionally, Miss Diamond?

Susie Diamond: Well, I figure if you want to see if you can swim, throw yourself in the water. What’s the worst that can happen?

Frank Baker: How about drown?

Susie Diamond: You know, my bet is that you’re too literal a person.

President Jackson Evans: [outside the White House, walking away from the party] Well can I tell you I'm just bustin to know what really happened?

Laine Hanson: You mean, this would just be between Laine and the President?

President Jackson Evans: I'll go one better. This will be between Laine and Jackson.

Shelly Runyon: There's a reason they call me Honest Shell.

President Jackson Evans: Irony, Shelly.

President Jackson Evans: [points at Rep. Shelley Runyon] I should have come down here and pointed my finger your way... ... pointed my finger YOUR way, and asked "Have you no decency, sir?

President Jackson Evans: [addressing the Congress; [Napoleon; pointing at Runyon; he notices Runyon exiting] Thank you. ] once said when asked to explain the lack of great statesmen in the world, that to get power, you need to display absolute pettiness. To exercise power, you need to show true greatness. Such pettiness and such greatness are rarely found in one person. I look upon the events of the past weeks and I've never come so to grips with that quotation. So, ladies and gentlemen of this Congress, it pains my soul to tell you that you have brought blood and shame under this great dome. Your leadership has raised the stakes of hate to a level where we can no longer separate the demagogue from the truly inspired. And believe this, there are traitors among us. And I'm not talking about those of you who sided against your party leadership. I'm talking about those of you who were patriots to your party but traitors to the necessary end result: That of righteousness, the truth, the concept of making the American dream blind to gender. And you know, I am not free of blame. Right from the start, I should've come down here, pointed a finger your way - pointed a finger your way , and asked you, Have you no decency, sir? Yesterday, I met - Mr. Runyon, you may walk out on me, you may walk out on this body, but you cannot walk out on the will of the American people. Americans are a good people. They're a just people, Mr. Runyon, and they will forgive you, but they will not forget. Hate and ego have no place residing in what my good friend Laine Hanson calls the chapel of democracy.

President Jackson Evans: [about Rep. Reginald Webster] Well, he may not know his right from his left, but he does know the difference between right and wrong.

President Jackson Evans: [to Gov. Hathaway] Who doesn't want a shortcut to greatness?

President Jackson Evans: I'll die before Shelly Runyon checkmates me.

President Jackson Evans: [to Gov. Hathaway] You're the future of the Democratic party. And you always will be.

President Jackson Evans: [after missing a shot while bowling] Well, that's what I get for my Leftist tendencies.

Bob Wilton: [[LSD] Don't eat the eggs. We put ] in the eggs.

Bill Django: [[water] And the ]. I put LSD in the main water tank.

Bob Wilton: What? But, we drank the water!

Bill Django: Yeah!

Larry Hooper: [[prostitutes] Lieutenant Colonel Django used funds from the project's black budget to procure ]...

Bill Django: [[lie] That's a ]!

Larry Hooper: [[drugs] ...and to get ] for himself and his men.

Bill Django: That... well, the hooker thing is definitely a lie.

Bill Django: [[Dance|DANCE] I'm your commanding officer, and I'm ordering you to dance. ], GODDAMMIT!

Bill Django: I'm liberating this base!

Bill Django: [[Mother; [Earth; [life; [soldier; [space; [time; [Universe] ] ], you're my ] support system. As a ] I must drink your blue water, live inside your red clay and eat your green skin. Help me to balance myself. As you hold in balance, the Earth, the sea, and the space environments. Help me to open my heart, knowing that the Universe will feed me. I pray my boots will always kiss your face, and my footsteps match your heartbeat. Carry my body through ] and ]. You're my connection to the ] and all that comes after. I'm yours and you are mine. I salute you.

Bill Django: We must be the first superpower to create super powers.

Lightfoot: You know... you know somethin'? I don't think of us as criminals, you know? I feel we accomplished something. A good job. I feel proud of myself, man. I feel like a hero.

Thunderbolt: Are you all right, kid? You don't look too well.

Lightfoot: I believe you're right.

Thunderbolt: Lightfoot!

Thunderbolt: In small-town banks, they leave the telephone off the hook in the vault at night so the local operator can listen in.

Lightfoot: People walk into these banks with paper sacks, fill em with money and walk out. Anybody can do it.

Thunderbolt: Bullshit. The newest bank vaults have walls of reinforced concrete five feet thick, backed by six inches of steel. The vault door is stainless steel-faced. It's an inch and a half of cast steel, another 12 inches of burn-resisting steel, and another inch and a half of open-hearthed steel... A vault door has 20 bolts, each an inch in diameter. Eight on each side, two top and two bottom. This holds the door into a 16-inch steel jamb set in 18 inches of concrete. It's crosshatched by steel bars running both vertical and horizontal. This door is precision-made so you can't pour nitro between the door and the vault. If that isn't enough, there's microphones, electric eyes, pressure-sensitive mats, vibration detectors, tear gas, and even thermostats that detect the slightest rise in temperature. Still interested in banks?

Lightfoot: I knew you weren't a preacher!

Lightfoot: Howdy. How's business?

Station Attendant: In this business, you're always one step away from bankruptcy. Funny money, credit, speculation... Somewhere in this country's a little old lady with $79.25. The $0.05 is a buffalo nickel... If she crashes in her investment, whole thing'll collapse. General Motors, the Pentagon, the two-party system and the whole and the whole shebang... We're all running downhill. Got to keep running faster or we'll fall down.

Lightfoot: [''John Doherty, aka Thunderbolt, dressed in preacher's garb, has jumped into Lightfoot's stolen Trans-Am''] I thought you were the heat.

John: Do I look like heat?

Lightfoot: You look like one crazy son-of-a-bitch for a preacher, I'll tell you that.

Red Leary: Where'd you get the dents?

Lightfoot: Progress. I dreamt about you last night.

Red Leary: What about?

Lightfoot: I dreamt you said hello to me.

Red Leary: Don't you get smart with me. I'll break both your arms.

Lightfoot: I'll keep that in mind.

Red Leary: Remember what I said. John and me go back a long way. But you don't mean nothin to me, understand? Nothin'!

Lightfoot: What'd you try and kill him for then?

Red Leary: Because we were friends.

Lightfoot: Thunderbolt! Thunderbolt and Lightfoot. That sounds like somethin'.

Thunderbolt: You're forgetting I'm a lot older than you.

Lightfoot: There are plenty of guys twice my age who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

Thunderbolt: I won't fault you there.

Red: Does he know everything?

Thunderbolt: No.

Lightfoot: Yes.

Thunderbolt: What's your name, boy?

Lightfoot: Lightfoot.

Thunderbolt: You Indian?

Lightfoot: Nope. Just American.

Melody: I didn't get your name.

Lightfoot: Well, I didn't give it to ya'. My name is Lightfoot.

Melody: Lightfoot"?

Lightfoot: That's right.

Melody: That's a dumb name. I mean, what kind of person would name a kid that, ya know?

Lightfoot: What's your name?

Melody: Melody.

Lightfoot: Melody"? That's not a dumb name?... Hey, maybe we had the same father?

Lightfoot: [to a woman riding a motorcycle in shorts; the womans pulls out a hammer, pounds his truck and rides off] Hey where did you get those pants? You freak! I love you, come back!

Lightfoot: You ain't no country preacher, Preacher.

George Woolf: Wanna know what I think?

Charles Howard: Of course.

George Woolf: [[heart] I think it's better to break a man's leg than his ].

Charles Howard: Everybody loses a couple, and you either pack up and go home or keep fighting.

Charles Howard: [joking to crowd gathered at a whistle-stop] Our horse is too small. Our jockey's too big. Our trainer's too old. And I'm too dumb to know the difference.

Ben Caxton: Remember, Brogan - you're out of her life.

Terry Brogan: Figure that's up to her. You're not going to control us forever.

Jessie Wyler: I think about you.

Terry Brogan: I think about you too, lady. Let's leave it at that.

Terry Brogan: [points at Jake's house] You know I went down there looking for you? I came back here to see if anyone knew anything I was worried about you... Came back to that fuck!

Jessie Wyler: I love you.

Terry Brogan: [speeds off in Porsche] Oh yeah I noticed!!!

Jessie Wyler: It is just so hard for me to trust anyone!

Terry Brogan: I'm not anyone.

Jessie Wyler: I know. I know you're not and I'm trying. I want to trust you! God, I love you! Oh, I love you.

Terry Brogan: Hey, come on, the Park's closing. Let's go to the sweat house.

Terry Brogan: I keep trying to think which thing I did in my life made me deserve you.

Jessie Wyler: Go to hell.

Terry Brogan: Oh, I have, you know that, lady!

Terry Brogan: So, what is it you don't like exactly? Football players, tacos, or beer?

Jessie Wyler: I like tacos and beer.

Jessie Wyler: Jake hates me. My family hates me. Everyone hates me! I don't believe you've come all this was just to find me.

Terry Brogan: Guys are crippling themselves for you, lady. I could give a shit what you believe.

Terry Brogan: Say, eh, there's not too much going on on this island. Do you know where I can go to have a good time?

Jessie Wyler: Get off the island. The ferry leaves every morning.

Jake Wise: What the hell made you think you could handle Jessie? I bet you used to bring her some flowers.

Terry Brogan: No, you don't have to do that when you're living in the jungle. You just take her outside and show her what tree you're going to do it under tonight. Hell, we had lots of trees.

Jake Wise: Look, I was a bit of an asshole. You know, I got crazy and I popped her a few times, she came after me with a knife. Just missed my balls.

Terry Brogan: And was she going for them?

Jake Wise: Don't they all?

Gregory Larkin: The mathematical world is completely rational, uncomplicated by sex.

Gregory Larkin: I don't care if you're pretty, I love you anyway!

Gregory Larkin: I want to be upfront with you. I am not interested in sex.

Abe Karatz: [after the trial] They love the cars, the people! Drives me crazy, that the motor company's dead... They'll never be made!

Preston Tucker: We made em.

Abe Karatz: Fifty cars...

Preston Tucker: Aw, what's the difference - fifty or fifty million. That's only machinery!... It's the idea that counts, Abe. The dream.

Preston Tucker: Abe. Gee I appreciate you stopping by. How long you got between trains?

Abe Karatz: You like this? living in the middle of nowhere? Cupa coffee, 2, 3 in the morning, you could die first.

Preston Tucker: Or you could go into the kitchen and make some

Abe Karatz: Who needs coffee, 2 in the morning? You sit down, read the paper, chew the fat with the waitress. Here, you look around, there's nothin but scenery

Preston Tucker: I always thought we're the scenery. How do you like your coffee?

Abe Karatz: In the city.

Preston Tucker: Isn't that the idea? To build a better mousetrap?

Abe Karatz: Not if you're a mouse!

Abe Karatz: Cars? You brought me here for cars?

Preston Tucker: [laughs, indicates a drawing] Does that look like a car to you? THAT, is a gold mine I'm handing you on a silver platter.

Abe Karatz: Forget it; you got no chance.

Preston Tucker: Now how can you say that? You haven't even heard my ideas yet.

Abe Karatz: [[Einstein] Ideas? ]'s in the idea business; he makes up numbers so high only dogs can hear them. But what does it cost him? a piece of paper, a couple of pencils.

Preston Tucker: [[w:Thomas Edison|Edison; jury laughs; A juror laughs] When I was a boy, I used to, uh, used to read all about ] and the Wright Brothers, Mr. Ford. They were my heroes. Rags to Riches - that's not just the name of a book. That's what this country was all about. We invented the free enterprise system, where anybody, no matter who he was, where he came from, what class he belonged to - if he came up with a better idea about anything, there's no limit to how far he could go. I grew up a generation too late, I guess, because now the way the system works, the loner, the dreamer, the crackpot who comes up with some crazy idea that everybody laughs at, that later turns out to revolutionize the world - he's squashed from above before he even gets his head out of the water because the bureaucrats, they'd rather kill a new idea than let it rock the boat! If Benjamin Franklin were alive today, he'd be thrown in jail for sailing a kite without a license! It's true! We're all puffed up with ourselves now cause we invented the bomb - dropped the - beat the daylights out of the Japanese, the Nazis. But if big business closes the door on the little guy with a new idea, we're not only closing the door on progress, but we're sabotaging everything that we fought for! Everything that the country stands for!! And one day we're gonna find ourselves at the bottom of the heap instead of king of the hill, having no idea how we got there, buying our radios and our cars from our former enemies. I don't believe that's gonna happen. I can't believe it because - if I ever stop believing in the plain ol common horse sense of the American people, be no way I could get out of bed in the morning. Thank you.

Marcus Hamilton: Care to give it a watch while I wander over to that burger joint?

Alberto Parker: Would you order me something while you're there? I'm starving.

Marcus Hamilton: [[w:pemmican|pemmican] I doubt they serve ].

Alberto Parker: You know I'm part Mexican, too.

Marcus Hamilton: Yeah, well, I'm gonna get to that when I'm through with the Indian insults, but it's gonna be a while.

Bank Manager: You rangers are an odd bunch.

Alberto Parker: No, just him.

Marcus Hamilton: This is what they call white man's intuition.

Alberto Parker: Sometimes a blind pig finds a truffle.

Marcus Hamilton: Oh, who knows. Maybe one of these bank robbers is gonna want a gunfight and I can dodge my retirement in a blaze of glory.

Alberto Parker: Well, I've seen you shoot. There won't be much glory in it.

Marcus Hamilton: [referring to a TV evangelist] He wouldn't know God if he crawled up his pant leg and bit him on the pecker.

Lucky Ned Pepper: What is your intention, Rooster? You think one on four is a dogfall?

Rooster Cogburn: I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned, or see you hanged in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience. Which will you have?

Ned: I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!

Rooster: Fill your hand, you son-of-a-bitch!

LaBoeuf: I was within three hundred yards of Chelmsford once. The closest I have been. With a Sharp's carbine that is within range, but I was mounted and had the choice of firing off-hand or dismounting to shoot from rest, which would allow Chelmsford to augment the distance. I fired mounted...and fired wide.

Rooster Cogburn: [[w:Rock of Gibraltar|Gibraltar] You cannot hit a man three hundred yards if your gun was resting on ].

LaBoeuf: The Sharp's carbine is an instrument of uncanny power and precision.

Rooster Cogburn: Oh, I've no doubt that the gun is sound.

Rooster Cogburn: We'll sleep here and follow in the morning.

Mattie Ross: But we promised to bury the poor soul inside!

Rooster: Ground's too hard. Them men wanted a decent burial, they should have got themselves killed in summer.

LaBoeuf: You are getting ready to show your ignorance now, Cogburn. I don't mind a little personal chaffing but I won't hear anything against the Ranger troop from a man like you.

Rooster Cogburn: How long have you boys been mounted on sheep down there?

LaBoeuf: My white Appaloosa will be galloping when that big American stud of yours is winded and collapsed. Now make another joke about it. You are only trying to put on a show for this girl Mattie with what you must think is a keen tongue.

Rooster: This is like women talking.

LaBoeuf: Yes, that is the way! Make me out foolish in this girl's eyes.

Rooster: I think she has got you pretty well figured.

Defense Lawyer: Mister Cogburn, in your four years as US Marshal, how many men have you shot?

Rooster Cogburn: Shot? Or killed?

Defense Lawyer: Let us restrict it to killed, so we may have a manageable figure!

Prosecutor: [questioning Cogburn about the shoot-out with the Wharton family] What did you do then?

Rooster Cogburn: [Aaron Wharton; pause] Well, I backed away from the axe and tried to talk some sense into him . While this is going on, C.C., he edges over to the wash pot there behind the steam and picks up the shotgun. Potter seen him, but it was too late. C.C. Wharton pulled out on Potter with one barrel and turned to do the same for me and I shot him. The old man raised the axe and I shot him. Otis lit out and I shot him. C.C. Wharton and Aaron Wharton were dead when they hit the ground. Otis was just winged.

Defense Lawyer: I believe you testified you backed away from Aaron Wharton.

Rooster: That's right.

Defense Lawyer: Which direction were you going?

Rooster: I always go backwards when I'm backing up!

Rooster Cogburn: The jakes is occupied.

Mattie Ross: I know it is occupied, Mr. Cogburn. As I said, I have business with you.

Rooster: I have prior business.

Mattie: You have been at it for quite some time, Mr. Cogburn.

Rooster: There is no clock on my business! To hell with you! How did you stalk me here?

Mattie: The sheriff told me to look in the saloon. In the saloon they referred me here. We must talk.

Rooster: Women ain't allowed in the saloon!

Mattie: I was not there as a customer. I am fourteen years old.

Rooster: [long pause] The jakes is occupied, and will be for some time.

Tony Stark: I was out of town for a couple months, in case you didn't hear.

Christine Everhart: [[accountability] Is this what you call ]? It's a town called Gulmira. Heard of it?

Tony Stark: When were these taken?

Christine Everhart: Yesterday.

Tony Stark: I didn't approve any shipment.

Christine Everhart: [[company] Well, your ] did.

Tony Stark: Well, I'm not my company.

Obadiah Stane: Please, do you mind?

Tony Stark: Have you seen these pictures? What's going on in Gulmira?

Obadiah Stane: [[naive] Tony, Tony. You can't afford to be this ].

Tony Stark: [[business; [w:Double Dealing|double-dealing; [w:Under the table|under the table] You know what? I was naive before, when they said, "Here's the line. We don't cross it. This is how we do ]." If we're ] ]... Are we?

Obadiah Stane: Do you really think that just because you have an idea, it belongs to you? Your father, he helped give us the atomic bomb. Now, what kind of world would it be today if he was as selfish as you?

Kevin Flynn: Ready? Hope you are, man, cause there's no going back. "Permanence". Funny. When I found it, that's what I called it. I know better now. It ought to be called the "Impermanence Code".

Kevin Flynn: Very good. Very good, man.

Kevin Flynn: Maybe you're just learning. That's what we all ought to be doing. Yeah, back in the day when tech was young, you'd think "Damn, I'm moving fast". You move fast, you leave stuff behind.

Kevin Flynn: Mm. A malfunctioning program who wants to live. Really?

Kevin Flynn: [[Tron: Legacy|The Grid. A digital frontier.] ] A world beyond the screen, as real as our own. I can picture it -- clusters of information, rising like cities. Programs as complex as you and me. In just a few years, we're gonna be able to enter this world. And a few years after that... well, this world will come into ours. Intelligent life from inside the machine. I, for one, can't wait to meet it.

The Dude: Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to face the fact you're a goddamn moron.

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?

The Dude: No you're not wrong.

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?

The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.

Walter Sobchak: Okay then.

The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

The Dude: [repeated line by The Dude and others] That rug really tied the room together.

Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."

The Dude: Jesus.

Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus. [walks off]

Walter Sobchak: What do you do for recreation?

The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.