Seeking Answers Through Meditation and Insight

Ace Ventura Think! Someone wants these two tribes to destroy each other. There must be something valuable in this equation. Perhaps we should meditate upon it, Spike. For it is said that when seeking answers, one must quiet the soul in order to hear them. What is it the Wachatis possess that is of great value to other men - besides the princess with the amazing rack? All righty, then.

[sits down crosslegged; meditates and recites "All righty then" in trance to communicate with his master at the monastery]

Abbot Oh Ace. You're back?

[sees Ace's spirit]

Ace You can dispense with the smallpox, all-knowing one. I'm here on business, and ] is of the essence.

[[time]

Abbot Very well. What answer do you seek?

Ace I need to know what it is the Wachatis possess that is of great value to civilized man.

Abbot The medallion will lead you to the answer. You do still have the medallion, don't you?

Ace Medallion? Why... surely! I left it back, uhh, with my body.

Abbot Your aura is weakening.

Ace OKAY, I THREW IT IN A CAVE! What do you want from me?! What are you? Mr. Perfect?! You wanna know where it is? It's probably lying in a BIG PILE of... Guano! They have GUANO!

[suddenly realizes the answer; the Abbot smiles and nods; Ace opens his eyes]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Simon Birch

Reflecting on Life and Memories

Adult Joe Wenteworth Into paradise...may the angels lead you.

[Presses his hand against Simon's tombstone]

Simon Wenteworth Dad. Dad! I'd love to stand around in the graveyard all day, but I got a game. Remember?

Adult Joe Wenteworth Okay, Simon. I'm coming. You know, I was just thinking about that. Last year, you played in the squirt league, right?

Simon Wenteworth Yeah.

Adult Joe Wenteworth This year, it's Pee-Wee.

Simon Wenteworth So?

Adult Joe Wenteworth So what do they want you to do? Play soccer, or urinate? Anyway, I was just thinking.

[Sees that Simon doesn't get it]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Dr. Robotnik Analyzes an Unidentified Creature

Dr. Robotnik What is extraordinary is I have determined the exact height, weight, and spinal curvature of this creature, and my computer cannot find a single match for it anywhere in Earth's animal kingdom. This blackout was not a terrorist attack, and that's no baby bigfoot. This guy... is something else... entirely.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Embracing new experiences and opportunities

Carl Allen *While watching ]

[[Saw (film)|Saw]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Authority and Disagreement in Leadership

Dr. Robotnik Are you in charge here?

Major Bennington Yes, I am.

Robotnik Nope!

Bennington My–

Robotnik Wrong!

Bennington Name–

Robotnik I'm in charge!

Bennington Is Major—

[getting frustrated at Robotnik's interruptions]

Robotnik Me!

Bennington Ben–

Robotnik I'm in charge. You've never seen anything like this before. This says I'm the top banana, in a world full of hungry little monkeys. Allow me to clarify. In a sequentially-ranked hierarchy, based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is too vast to quantify. Agent Stone?

[whispers; makes zipping noise]

Agent Stone The doctor thinks you're basic.

Robotnik I'm initiating a sweep sequence. Ten miles in every direction should suffice. Is he still looking at me funny?

[glances back]

Stone Yes, he is.

Robotnik Tell him to stop, or I'll pull up his search history.

Stone If you don't stop looking at the Doctor, he'll take a closer look at–

Bennington I'm not deaf!

Robotnik And tell him his men report to me now, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah!

Bennington Excuse me? Listen, pal. I don't know if you realize–

Robotnik I'm sorry, Major. What was your name?

Bennington Benning–

Robotnik Nobody cares! Nobody cares. Listen, Major Nobody-Cares, you know why nobody cares who you are? Because nobody cares about your feeble accomplishments. And nobody cares how proud your Mommy is that you're now reading at a third-grade level. Have you finished ] yet? Spoiler alert: she dies in the end. But she leaves a big creepy egg sac. Ah, my babies! Look what came out of my egg sac! You know what I love about machines? They do what they're told. They follow their programming! They don't need time off to get drunk and put the boat in the water! And you do what you're told: stand over there on the edge of your personal abyss, and watch my machines do your job. Can you feel it, Stone?

[[w:Charlotte's Web (2006 film)|Charlotte's Web; as his egg-shaped drones emerge; chuckles; to Bennington; Bennington steps away with a bitter look]

Stone I can feel it, Doctor.

Robotnik It's evolution, Stone! It's evolution!

[sending commands to his drones]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace Ventura Balances Priorities with Humor

Mr. Shickadance Ventura!

Ace Ventura Yes, ]? Oh, I'm sorry sir, you sounded like someone else.

[[Satan; He turns around to face Mr. Shickadance.]

Mr. Shickadance Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura. You owe me, rent!

[Coughs loudly]

Ace Ventura Mr. Shickadance, I told you. You're my first priority. I'm on a very big case right now. Look at that. That's a true albino pigeon. Some rich guy lost it and is offering a huge reward. As soon as I find this ], you're paid.

[Shows Mr. Shickadance, a $25,000 reward poster; [bird]

Mr. Shickadance I heard animals in there, Ventura. I heard them again this morning, scratching around.

Ace Ventura I never bring my work home with me, sir.

Mr. Shickadance Oh yeah! What's all this pet food for?

Ace Ventura ...Fiber?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Misunderstandings in Communication and Identity

Ace Ventura Tell them what I'm saying. I come in peace!

[faces the Wachootoo]

Ouda White Devil say, "I will harm you.

[in poorly-translated Wachootoo; The Wachootoo look suspicious]

Ace I couldn't help but notice the "equinsu ocha" part. Did you just refer to me as "White Devil"?

[to Ouda]

Ouda This is how they know you.

Ace Leave that part out from now on! I represent the princess!

[to Wachootoo]

Ouda I am a Princess.

[in poorly-translated Wachootoo; tribesmen look confused; one young man eyes Ace with interest]

Ace War is hell. The last thing we want... is a fight!

Ouda I want to fight, so go to hell." The chief said, "If you pass all Wachootoo tests, you do not die.

[in poorly-translated Wachootoo; The Wachootoo roar in anger; the Chief speaks to Ace]

Ace Kooky!

[observes the Wachootoo for a moment]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Truman Show

A Cheerful Greeting for All Occasions

Truman Burbank Good morning, and in case I don't see ya: Good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

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Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

A Unique Request for Animal Retrieval

Fulton Greenwall Let my introduce myself - my name is Fulton Greenwall, and I'm sent here to employ your services in the retrieval of a lost animal. Now, can you help us?

Ace Ventura Your request is not unlike your lower intestine: stinky, and loaded with danger!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dumb and Dumber

The Most Annoying Sound in the World

Lloyd Christmas Hey. Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

[makes a loud, weird noise]

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The Truman Show

Recognition of Deception in Performance

Truman Burbank ,"I knew this show was fake from the start, it was my incredible acting that fooled everyone

[After credits at end of movie]

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The Truman Show

Truman Declares His Own Planet

Truman Burbank I here by proclaim this planet as Trumania of the Burbank Galaxy!

[''watching himself in the mirror in the bathroom'']

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The Grinch's Disdain for Christmas Cheer

The Grinch Well done, Max! Serves them right, those yuletide-loving, sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! I really don't like em. Mm-mm. No, I don't. MAX! Get my cloak! I've been much too tolerant of these Who-venile delinquents, and their innocent, victim-less pranks. So they wanna get to know me, do they? They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch. I guess I could use a little... social interaction.

[after Max scared off some teen Whos; angrily picks up an onion; hungrily eats the onion; Max whimpers; Max runs back inside; rubs his pits with the onion; angrily throws away the onion; turns to the camera; shows off a sinister-looking smile; the scene fades to Whoville with a view of Max and the Grinch's feet]

Whoville Bike Men Merry Christmas!

Grinch Oh, yeah. You bet, and ho, ho, ho, and... stuff. Oh, my. Someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place.

[The bikers fall down, blocking traffic.]

Narrator The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season.

Who Officer Top of the day.

Grinch Flatfoot.

Narrator Now please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

Grinch Hey kids. Here's a present for ya. Be sure to run real fast with it now. All right, come on. Double time. Let's go! Move, move, move, move, move!

[gives two Who girls a bandsaw]

Narrator It could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all...

Who Merry Christmas!

Grinch Is it?

Narrator ...may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

Crazy Mose Hey, stranger! Won't let you go until you buy a chapeau!

[The Grinch lifts his mask, deeply belches, blows odor on him, making him fall. The Grinch pulls his mask back on and laughs sneakily.]

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Mr. Popper's Penguins

Questioning Personal Responsibility and Expectations

Mr. Popper When did I ever disappoint anybody?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Confusion in a Tense Standoff

Ace Ventura Don't kill me! Please! I'll never tell anyone, I swear... He's the one you want! Kill him!

[begging; indicates Marino]

Dan Marino No, kill him! He's the detective!

Ventura No, kill him! He held the ball wrong, remember?! Come on, look at the guy!

[startled at Einhorn shooting into the air]

Marino Crybaby.

[to Ace]

Ventura Jock.

[to Dan]

Marino Wimp.

Ventura Musclehead.

Lois Einhorn SHUT UP! I think I'll kill the dolphin first, I wouldn't want you to miss that!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Sacred Bat and the Wachati Tribe's Fate

Ace Ventura Quite an auspicious dwelling for a filthy flying weasel.

[inspects the Great White Bat's sacred hut upon entering; starts to climb up on the altar, but quickly jumps off as the Chief shouts and draws a blade on him]

Fulton Greenwall Please, Mr. Ventura! That is sacred ground! I'm sorry, but only the Wachati are allowed to step there.

Ace Ventura Hey... take it easy! I'm the loogie guy, remember?

[grins awkwardly]

Fulton Greenwall Er, yes, yes, Chief, thank you. Thank you. The Chief says that unless the Sacred Bat is returned before the marriage of the princess, the entire Wachati tribe will meet their death!

[to Ace]

Ace Ventura What type of bat are we talking about here?

Fulton Greenwall The great white bat, of course.

Ace Ventura Crepuscular chiroptera?!

[approaches him as intense music plays for a moment]

Fulton Greenwall Yes. But to the natives... Shikaka.

Ace Ventura Shikaka? Shikaka! Shikasha! Ahhh! Sssssshhhhhhhish-kebab. Sssssshhhh- "Shawshank Redemption". CHI-CA-GO! You're outta there! Go on, you're gone, go on.

[they kneel again; they kneel once more; Ace chuckles deviously; the chief begins to kneel but catches on that he didn't say the name right; Chief kneels; points outside; the Chief leaves the hut]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Complexity of Communication

Joel Barish Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Embracing Self-Worth and Connection

Carl Allen The old Carl didn't think he was enough for anybody. I thought if I said yes to things, and got involved with people, then sooner or later they'd find out I'm not enough. I didn't think I had anything to share. But now I know that what I have to share is pretty huge, and I want to share it with you.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dumb and Dumber

Unusual Culinary Preference Expressed by Character

Lloyd Christmas (about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bottle of chianti!

[he and Harry imitate Hannibal Lecter]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dumb and Dumber To

A Humorous Take on Breakfast Disappointment

Lloyd Christmas Crap on toast!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Embrace Opportunities for Positive Outcomes

Carl Allen Yes always leads to something good." "Never avoid opportunities. They may come in any form.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Embracing Uncertainty with a Positive Outlook

Carl Allen Okay, maybe's fine. I like maybe.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dumb and Dumber To

Lloyd's Quirky Observation About Birds

Lloyd Christmas Hey, Billy! I hear you got a lot of flocking birds.

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Mr. Popper's Penguins

Returning the Penguins to Antarctica

Mr. Popper Hello! I have to send the penguins back.

Voice of Antarctic Friend Send-da-penguin?

Mr. Popper Yes, send penguins.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Investigating Motives and Humor in Crime

Aguado Homicide, Ventura. Now how you gonna solve that one?

Ace Ventura Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds...porking his wife!

Aguado Why, you-

[tries to attack Ace, but he misses]

Ace Come on! Now, kiss and make up.

[takes him down and holds his face near the dead cockroach]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Truman Show

Embracing the Unexpected and Spontaneous

Truman Burbank Somebody help me, I'm being spontaneous!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Liar Liar

Consequences of Dishonesty and Lawbreaking

Fletcher Reede STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOOOOOLE!!!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Grinch's Mischief and Home Reflections

Grinch Oooh! Sweet. ♪ Be it ever so...heinous, there's no place like home. ♪ 1st floor, factory rejects. Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But we did our worst, and that's all that matters. At least I scared the bejeebles outta that little girl in the post office. She'll be scarred for life if you're lucky. Aaah! DAAAAA-AAA-AAAAAAAAAAH!!! Funny she didn't rat on us though. Must be afraid of reprisals. Yes! Down a size and ½ And this time, I'll keep it off. Get the stick, Max! Get the stick! There's no stick. I'm smarter. Any calls?

[catapults the red "Hazardous Waste" bag at the picture of Augustus; singing; He goes down the elevator; referring to Cindy Lou; He walks behind the wardrobe, humming a tune; He creeps out from behind the wardrobe, refers to Cindy Lou again; He sees the tiny red heart beating on his X-ray; breaks the fourth wall; to the audience watching; He frowns and walks out of frame; to Max, shaking hands quickly; He throws his hand towards Max's direction; Max barks and runs in that direction, while the Grinch chortles to himself; He takes a running leap onto his bed; He turns his phone on]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Earth Girls Are Easy

Misunderstandings About Geography in Conversation

Wiploc Finland is here?

Valerie Finland? No, this is the Valley. Finland is the capital of Norway. Gawd, you guys sure learn fast.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Unexpected Ingredients in a Delightful Dish

Ace Ventura Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious, and the pottery is lovely.

Ouda It's made from guano.

Ace Ventura Guano. Sounds so familiar.

[licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]

Fulton Greenwall Bat droppings.

Fulton Greenwall Guano is their chief resource, they use it to make many things in the village.

Ace Ventura ... Yummy!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Ace Ventura's Humorous Encounter with Pompous Characters

Ace Ventura That's a lovely wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could buy you some fluffy new slippers, made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!

[leaning at the bottom of the staircase]

McGuire Who is this ghastly man?

Ace Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy! Hey... thanks for the free parking.

[whispering]

Pompous woman Another activist, McGuire.

McGuire Activist, yes...

[snobby laugh]

Ace Activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!

[imitating him]

Pompous Woman Mr. Ventura, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.

Ace Alrighty then! You know something? You're right! Do not pass Go! Do not collect 200 dollars! It's lovely, but I fancy myself an autumn.

[smacks McGuire unconscious, then drapes him over his shoulders, in mockery of the woman's fur wrap; sings and dances around the room, then shakes the man, making his jaw move; hands him back to the woman]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Desire for a break expressed dramatically

Dr. Robotnik OHHHH! GIVE ME A BIG! FAT! BREAK!!

[As Sonic keeps defeating and destroying his robots]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Expressing the toll of enthusiasm

Carl Allen I got blisters on my fingers!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Simplicity of Sand Explained

Joel Barish Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little rocks.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dumb and Dumber

Inappropriate Desire for a Young Boy

Lloyd Christmas Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The Grinch's Unwelcome Presence Surprises Everyone

Drew Lou Who DAD! DAD!

Lou Lou Who What happened to you?

Stu Lou Who It was THE GRINCH!

Female People Grinch?!

Grinch What do you want? I mean— Grinch? Oh, no!

[mocks female voice]

Augustus May Who Did someone just say "Grinch"?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Calm Advice Amidst Panic

Carl Allen Terrence, Don't freak out...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

Mr. Popper's Penguins and Unwanted Animal Confusion

Mr. Popper Where are my penguins?!

Nat Jones Listen, sir, I'm gonna have to call you right back. They're not your penguins, Mr. Popper.

Mr. Popper Don't give us that runaround, slick. Why aren't my penguins out there?

Nat Jones Because we already have penguins. What we don't have is an emu. Or a Komodo dragon. Or a Bengal tiger.

Mr. Popper What are you talking about, hmm?

Nat Jones Trading, Mr. Popper. Zoos do it all the time. Same thing with sports teams. And how do you think the New York Yankees won 27 of their championships? It sure wasn't their farming system.

Amanda All right, where are you sending them?

Nat Jones I'm sending three to Washington and three to Tokyo and the two penguin chicks are going all the way to Dubai.

Janie But you can't split them up. They're a family.

Nat Jones For God's sake! They're just birds.

Mr. Popper Just birds? Okay, and what about the American bald eagle? Is that just a bird?

Nat Jones Yes.

Mr. Popper Okay, and what about... No, Big Bird is a Muppet. Look, can my family just see them for once? My family is all torn up about it and my kids are distraught, right, Billy?

Billy Please, sir, can we just say goodbye?

Nat Jones No.

Mr. Popper Children, this is what a liar looks like. Take a mental picture.

Nat Jones Look, Popper, I couldn't even if I wanted to. They're already gone.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

A Disapproving Comment on Cuteness

Mr. Popper That's not cute.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

A Conversation About Sleepiness

Mr. Popper You are falling asleep.

Amanda No I'm not.

Mr. Popper Hmm, that must be me.

Amanda You really should go to bed.

Mr. Popper Uh-uh, I'm not leaving him, he's a Popper.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Truman Show

A Statement on Personal Experience and Perception

Truman Burbank You never had a camera in my head!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Grinch's Anticipation of Chaos

Grinch IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!

[after he crashes a mini car in the fire hydrant; gasps]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Einhorn's Identity Revelation in Ace Ventura

Ace Ventura What the...that's it. That's it. Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a MAN! OH MY GOD! EINHORN IS A MAN?! It wasn't a gun! It wasn't a gun!

[trying to figure out the connection between Lt. Einhorn and Ray Finkle, but sees his pet dog sitting on the Finkle photograph, and deduces something by the dog's hair making it look as if Finkle has woman's hair.; remembering Einhorn had kissed him; goes to vomit in the bathroom]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The Grinch's Invitation to Play

Grinch Play, monkey! Play! Play, play, play!

[gets a jackhammer while vocalizing]

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Liar Liar

Self-Reflection and Consequences of Actions

Fletcher Reede What's wrong with me? I'm getting what I deserve, I'm reaping what I sow, I-

[suddenly monotone; claps both hand over his mouth while involuntarily ranting]

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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Unexpected Introductions in Pet Detective

Roger Podactor Who's he?

Melissa Robinson Roger Podactor, meet Ace Ventura. He's our pet detective.

Podactor Nice to meet you, you were highly recommended by Martha Metz.

[shakes Ace's hand.]

Ace Ventura Martha Metz? Oh, yeah, the bitch!

Podactor What?

Ventura Pekingese, hyperactive, lost in Highland Park area. She was half-dead when I found her. Is that the tank? Excuse me.

[looks at the tank area; walks off, leaving Melissa and Roger standing in disbelief]

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Yes Man

Encouragement to take decisive action

Carl Allen Oh come on! You're already half-way through. Just snap it off, already!

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Dumb and Dumber

The Fragility of Life

Lloyd Christmas Life's a fragile thing, Harr. One minute you're chewin on a burger, and the next minute you're dead meat.

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Yes Man

Impulsive Decisions and Unlikely Scenarios

Carl Allen Hey Carl, do you wanna give all your money away to some homeless guy? Yes, yes I do. How bout letting him burn up your phone battery so that you can't call Triple-A when your car runs out of gas? You know what? That sounds like a fuckin great idea! Why don't you take a late night stroll through the hills and get killed by the ] family? Don't mind if I do!

[[Charles Manson|Manson]

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Mr. Popper's Penguins

Addressing Unconventional Work Absences

Mr. Popper I'm not coming in to work again today.

Pippi Pourquoi?

Mr. Popper I have a pest problem.

Pippi What particular pest is the problem?

Mr. Popper It's a penguin.

Pippi Penguin?

Mr. Popper Yeah! It starts with "p"; you ought to be able to handle it.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Understanding the Grinch's Isolation from Christmas

Cindy Lou Who But, Dad, I just don't understand something. Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch?

Lou Lou Who You kids and the Grinch. You see, Cindy, the Grinch is a Who who...well, is actually not a Who. He's-- He's more of a--

[puts stuff inside]

Cindy A what?

Lou Exactly, honey. And he's a What who... doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at his mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card in or out...ever.

Cindy But why?

Lou Well—

Post Office Person 1 Lou, where's my mail?

Post Office Person 2 Lou, I got the wrong mail here!

Post Office Person 3 Lou, I got the wrong mail!

Lou Uh, I'll be right there. Whoop!

Post Office Person 4 We got a problem!

Lou Alright. Uh, we'll straighten this out.

Grinch It'll take them years to sort this out. This is his and now it's yours, and this is hers and now it's his! And for the rest of you... ...Jury duty, Jury duty, Jury duty, blackmail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, Jury duty! Gee-e-e-e-e-eee!

[at the back room of the post office with Max by the sorting machine; laughing with glee; laughs schemingly; turns around by the sorting machine, then starts throwing everyone's mail in the wrong boxes; throws more mail into the wrong boxes as he emits a light giggle of amusement]

Lou Would you mind helping me? Take this to the back room, honey. But, be careful of the sorting machine, right?

Cindy Yeah.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Yes Man

Embracing Life's Opportunities with a Positive Attitude

Carl Allen Hey, I'm just saying "yes" to life — cause — you gotta say "yes" to life. I'm in a secret conevant! ... that sounded naughty!

[sic]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Ace Ventura's Observational Skills on Display

Vincent Cadby Tell me, Mr. Ventura - just how good are you?

Ace Ventura You're an extreme workaholic. You recently returned from a short trip to Gotan in Northern Africa, and upon your return, you more than likely took a spill because of some... shoddy masonry work!

[inspects him for a moment; does a dramatic turn]

Vincent Cadby Very impressive. Might one ask how?

[dryly and evasively]

Ace Ventura Surely! The abrasion on the palm of your left hand is the type one sustains breaking a fall of three to five feet; the small remnants of plaster on the tip of your shoe pointed to a careless mason being the culprit; your new watch, a quality forgery of a Cartier, was most likely purchased through the North African black market known to reside in GOTAN!

[does an exaggerated inhalation of air, then speaks rapidly; gasps, having run out of breath]

Vincent Cadby And my work habits?

Ace Ventura Yes, a workaholic. The urine stain on your pants would signify that you're a "single shake" man - far too busy for the follow-up jiggle!

Fulton Greenwall Brilliant, Mr. Ventura! Simply brilliant!

Ace Ventura Spank you, Greenwall! Spank you very much.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Value of Achievement and Its Meaning

Ace Ventura What about my medallion of spiritual accomplishment?

Abbot Oh, here, take mine.

[gives Ace his own]

Ace Ventura This took you eighty years to achieve!!!

[shocked]

Abbot That's okay, I don't like it anymore. Really.

Ace Ventura In light of this personal ] you've made... I have no ]... but to take the case.

[[sacrifice; [choice]

Abbot Great! I'll go tell the others.

Ace Ventura Master! ... Break it to them gently.

Ace Ventura I've never seen them act like that before. Denial can be an ugly thing.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Truman Show

Choices and Consequences in Life

Truman Burbank What are you gonna do? Slice me, dice me or peel me? There are so many choices.

[''to Meryl who is threatening him with a kitchen utensil'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Investigation of a Mysterious Scream

Ace ], Lieutenant. This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor, she lives across the hall. She said she heard a scream, isn't that right Ma'am?

[[w:Columbo_(character)|Oh, there is just... one more thing]

Lady Right.

Ace (to the manager) And you said you had to open the balcony door when you came into the room?

Man That's true.

Ace Ventura You're certain you had to open this door?

Man Yeah, I'm certain.

Lois Einhorn What's the point, Ventura?!

Ventura Only this... This is double-paned soundproof glass! There is no way that neighbor could've heard Podacter scream on the way down with that door shut! The scream she heard came from inside this apartment before he was thrown over the balcony, and the murderer closed the door before he left. Yes! Yes! Oh, yeah! Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! I have exorcised the demons! This house is clear. Losers?

[walks out to the balcony and sings a sustained operatic note while opening and closing the door; no one can hear him when the door is closed; mimics Tangina character from [[w:Poltergeist (1982 film)|Poltergeist]

Einhorn GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

[everyone stares in shock]

Ventura LOSERS! Leh-hew, ze-hers!

[starts making his way out with Melissa while looking at everyone, holding his fingers like an L]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

Spiritual Insights on Virginity and Marriage

Fulton Greenwall They will now consummate the marriage in the witness of the tribe. Well done, Ace. You must be extremely proud.

[gently pats Ace on the shoulder]

Ace Ventura ] is an abomination. One must forego the self to attain total spiritual creaminess, and avoid the chewy chunks of degradation. What's that he's saying?

[[Pride; The Wachootoo prince emerges from tent screaming angrily]

Fulton Greenwall I think he's saying she's not a virgin.

[looks pointedly at Ace]

Ace Ventura ... They can tell that?!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

Miscommunication between Mr. Popper and Pippi

Pippi Pippi Pepennopolis; I'm Mr. Popper's personal assistant. I process his paper and procure his periodicals.

[to receptionist]

Mr. Popper She doesn't even know she's doing it.

[Aside, to receptionist]

Pippi Pardon?

Mr. Popper Nothing.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Struggles with Eye Contact and Connection

Joel Barish I'm constitutionally incapable of making eye-contact with a woman I don't know.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Love and Memory Intertwined

Joel Barish I loved you on this day. I love this memory.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

A Race Against Time and Distractions

Ace Ventura I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...

Ace Ventura Isn't this incredible?! It's gonna be some kind of a record! Everyone loves a Slinky! You gotta get a Slinky! Slinky, Slinky! Go, Slinky, go! AAAAWWWWWWW, MAN! Can you believe it?! It was right there! Can I do it one more time?

[singing; Slinky stops on the penultimate step]

Fulton Greenwall Forgive me, Mr. Ventura, but if we don't hurry now, we might miss the plane.

Ace Ventura Of course. How selfish of me. Let's do all the things that you wanna do.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Truman Show

Embracing Change and Opportunity

Truman Burbank The early ] gathers no ]! The rolling ] catches the ]!

[[bird; [moss; [stone; [worm]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

A Request for Salt

Mr. Popper Could you pass the salt? I'll get it.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Critique of Valentine's Day Commercialism

Joel Barish Random thoughts for Valentine's Day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies. To make people feel like crap.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Grinch's Demand for Possession

Grinch Give me that!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Impulsive Decisions in Everyday Life

Joel Barish I ditched work today. Took a train out to Montauk. I don't know why, I'm not an impulsive person.

Yes Man

Embracing Positivity and Opportunity

Carl Allen * Reading from a "Yes!" pamphlet.

Yes Man

Stranded and seeking a solution

Carl Allen * Walking with gasoline can, after being stranded.

Yes Man

Embracing change amidst uncertainty

Carl Allen Well, it's been a nice run. I might get shit-canned, Norm. Anyway, don't worry about it — I'm sure it will lead to something good.

Dumb and Dumber

Effective Relief with a Half Teaspoon

Lloyd Christmas One half teaspoon, for fast, effective relief.

[pretends to promote Turbo Lax]

Yes Man

Embracing life through music and connection

Carl Allen *After singing and playing ]" by ] on guitar to a person prepared to jump off a building

[[w:Jumper (song)|Jumper; [w:Third Eye Blind|Third Eye Blind]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Memories Erased in Silent Reflection

Joel Barish It's all being wiped away.

Yes Man

Experiencing Red Bull for the First Time

Carl Allen You ever had a ]? I've never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night — I really like Red Bull.

[[w:Red Bull|Red Bull]

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Grinch expresses a moment of relief

Grinch Phew. Gesundheit. Ooh.

[Max sneezes]

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Questions and Secrets in a Tense Encounter

Ace Ventura Excuse me! I'd like to ass you a few questions!

[using his rear end to talk to Emilio]

Emilio This is not the time, Ace. If Einhorn comes in here and sees me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.

Ace Ventura I think I can keep him under control, but you're going to have to tell me who's working the Snowflake case.

[turns around to face Emilio]

Emilio Hey, I can't do nothing for you on that one. My hands are totally tied.

Ace Ventura All right, that's it! NOW it's my turn! Five minutes alone, that's all I need! C'MON!

[turns back]

Detective Better look alive. Einhorn's on her way down.

[leans in to talk to Emilio]

Ace Ventura Ooooh! ]!

[[w:Dragnet_(theme_music)|Bum, bum bum, bum!]

Emilio Come on, now. Ace, please.

Ace Ventura What's the matter? Afraid I'll make a stink? Come on!

Emilio Aguado's working the case, all right?

Ace Ventura Aguado! Good call!

[turns and sits on the chair]

Emilio We're just a little busy now with murderers and burglaries and drug dealers. Things like that. A missing ] isn't exactly a high priority.

[[dolphin]

Ace Ventura Now you've pissed him off.

[starts to shake]

Emilio Would you give me a break?

Ace Ventura I can't hold him much longer!

[exaggerates the shakes]

Emilio My boss is coming! Okay, look. We ran a check with local animal-rights groups. We checked out the taxidermists and we already checked on van rentals. So far, nothing, nathin', nada. All right?

Ace Ventura Any unusual bets being made?

Emilio Of course! This is Super Bowl!

Ace Ventura What'd you find out about the tank?

Emilio Nothing. Tire tracks, an escape route. A guard didn't see anything.

Ace Ventura That's it?

[shines Emilio's desk lamp into Emilio's face]

Emilio I swear. Now will you please get the hell out of here before I get into trouble?

Ace Ventura Thank you for all your cooperation! By the way, do you have a mint? Perhaps some ]?

[turns his back; [w:Binaca (breath spray)|Binaca]

Ace Ventura Assholiomio...Osodomia...Lea-- HOLY...testicle Tuesday!

[clears throat, still speaking backwards; sees Lois Einhorn]

Lois Einhorn What the hell is he doing here?

[to Emilio]

Ace Ventura I came to confess. ].

[[w:John F. Kennedy assassination|I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Value of Being Nice

Joel Barish She was nice. Nice is good.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Unexpected Success

Grinch That worked out nicely.

Sonic the Hedgehog

Questioning the Use of Taxpayer Money

Dr. Robotnik Ever wonder where your tax dollars are going?

[unveiling his robot vehicle(s) held inside one another]

Earth Girls Are Easy

A Playful Farewell Between Characters

Valerie Aw, Wiploc, I think I'll miss you least of all.

Wiploc You want a liplock from Wiploc?

Dumb and Dumber

Embrace Life and Seize Opportunities

Lloyd Christmas Let me ask you something. Do you want to end up like Petey? Dead? In some flea-ridden apartment? Face down in your own droppings? A soggy sunflower seed pressed against your beak? Come on, Harry! Don't you see what Petey was trying to say to you? You got to take life by the balls! Chew it up and spit it out! Dance to the tune of a different drummer! Spread your wings and fly and run and jump! God, help me!

[deleted scene]

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

The Importance of Guano in Ace Ventura

Vincent Cadby Hello, Ace. You want your ]?

[[money]

Ace Ventura Wrong again, Sweeney Toad! I've come for the sacred bat. Where is it?!

Vincent Cadby Wait - whatever can you mean?

Ace Ventura Guano? Hello?! Does "poop" ring a bell? "Guano: mined as a source of nitrate, producing 84% of the world's supply of fertilizer, a 1.4 billion dollar industry." THAT'S what this war is all about! You can't legally take possession of the caves as long as the Wachatis inhabit the area, and you want that dookie so bad, you can taste it!

[takes out a book and reads from it; closes the book]

Fulton Greenwall But sir, I thought that--

Vincent Cadby Yes, thank you, Fulton. That's a fine theory, Mr. Ventura... What has it got to do with me?

[quietly; back to Ace]

Ace Ventura I thought you'd never ask! The day I met you, there was a white substance on your shoe that I mistook for plaster; yesterday I saw the same white substance outside the hut where the bat was kept, and suddenly it hit me: the great white bat has great white guano! That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, and that explains the abrasion on your palm! ...Let me run that back for ya! That's what you stepped in, that's what was on your shoe, AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRATION ON YOUR PALM! DAMN, I'M GOOD! Can you feel that?! Huh?! Can you feel it, Captain Compost?! THE DAY OF REDEMPTION IS AT HAND! REPENT... and thou shall be saved!

[does an exaggerated inhalation of air, then speaks rapidly; steps back while talking backwards; does pelvic thrusts]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Reflections on Relationships and Boredom

Joel Barish Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The Complexity of Unrequited Affection

Joel Barish Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?

Yes Man

Emphasizing Limitations and Possibilities

Carl Allen Not possible!

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Concern for a Pet's Well-being

Ace Ventura Not Snowflake! Not Snowflake!

[finding a pet shark where he expected a dolphin]

Yes Man

Carl's Perspective on Allison

Carl Allen * On Allison, to Peter

Dumb and Dumber

Lloyd's Message to Harry the Matchmaker

Lloyd Christmas To my friend, Harry... the matchmaker.

[after dumping Turbo Lax in Harry's tea]

The Truman Show

Challenging Authority in The Truman Show

Truman Burbank Is that the best you can do? You're gonna have to kill me! What do ya do with a drunken sailor? What do ya do with a drunken sailor? What do ya do with a drunken sailor ear-lye in the mor-nin'!

[''Sailing away in the artificially roughened winds and seas''; ''sings'']

Liar Liar

Self-Reflection of a Flawed Character

Fletcher Reede I'M AN INCONSIDERATE PRICK!!!

Yes Man

Unexpected Arrival in the Back Seat

Carl Allen * Popping up in back seat of Terrence Bundley's car.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

Penguin Imprinting Explained Through Wikipedia

Pippi Per your predicament, I printed a pertinent page from Wikipedia. "Gentoo penguins may periodically imprint on a particular person as if they were a penguin. Once imprinted, they remain permanently proximate to their parental proxy.

[Reads]

Mr. Popper Is it actually written that way?

Pippi I'm paraphrasing.

The Truman Show

The Journey of Distance and Return

Truman Burbank You can't get any further away, before you start coming back.

Yes Man

The Meaning of No

Carl Allen No. No means no!

Yes Man

Miscommunication Leads to a New Perspective

Carl Allen * After he mishears a mechanic and thinks he is calling him a "No-man

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace Ventura's Detailed Knowledge of Ray Finkle

Ace Ventura Hi, I'm looking for Ray Finkle. And a clean pair of shorts.

[Ray's father peers out of the door's peephole, pointing a shotgun directly at Ace's face]

Mr. Finkle What do you know about Ray Finkle?

Ventura Soccer style kicker, graduated from Collier High June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA Division One records, one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname "The Mule", the first and only pro athlete to come out of Collier County, and one hell of a model American.

[breathes deeply; drawls; takes deep breath]

Mr. Finkle Are you another one of them Hard Copy guys?

Ace Ventura No, sir, I'm just a very big Finkle fan. This is my Graceland, sir.

[weeps]

Yes Man

Avoiding Communication and Embracing Silence

Carl Allen * First lines of movie, refusing to answer his telephone.

The Truman Show

A Generous Gesture of Kindness

Truman Burbank That one's for free.

[''after startling two control room directors by seemingly talking to them, then easing their concerns by seeming to revert back to his eccentricity, whilst they look at their notes temporarily'']

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Success in Progress

Joel Barish This is working like gangbusters!

Yes Man

Embracing Spontaneity and Contrast in Personality

Carl Allen She's spontaneous. She's ballsy. She has no clue what she's doing and she doesn't care. She's the complete opposite of me.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Determined Search for the Aquatic Creature

Ace Ventura Captain's log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in ] to save an ancient ] from... total annihilation. So far... no... signs of aquatic ], but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this ] another ], I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER!

[imitating 'Star Trek'; [time; [species; [life; [universe; [black hole]

Jim Carrey Quotes

Memorable Quotes from Jim Carrey

find it. watch it.