Joan CusackQuotes

Emily Montgomery: [Yelling outside the bar after Howard won't marry her because he is gay and after Peter Malloy turns down her advances because he is also gay] Is everybody gay? Is this The Twilight Zone?

Emily Montgomery: I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!

Audrey Davis: [after Jenny bursts into the motel room she is in with BZ] Aunt Jenny? What are you doing here? How did you find...

Jenny Portman: [to BZ who has just come out of the bathroom] You have ten seconds to get your things together and get in the car. Stay. Ten...

Audrey Davis: You're not my mother, if you haven't noticed.

Jenny Portman: No. But I love you very much, and I will be your worst nightmare if you don't get in that car now. Seven, six...

BZ: But we're not ready to go yet.

Jenny Portman: [Jenny who is pregnant motions to her stomach] Oh, you're not ready? Well... Well, are you ready for this? I don't think so. Are you ready to be a parent? I don't think so. Four, three...

Audrey Davis: Are you happy? You've just ruined my entire life.

Jenny Portman: [to BZ] Well, we'll fix it later. Two... You.

BZ: Chill out, Mommy.

Jenny Portman: Hey.

BZ: It's all good.

Jenny Portman: Don't you talk to me like that.

BZ: It's just a prom.

Jenny Portman: You listen to me. If you ever so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground that the heat from the earth's core will incinerate your sorry ass. Do you understand me?

Jenny Portman: By the way, you're not a bad person, but this is very bad behavior. Very bad behavior.

Jenny Portman: [as she examines the new apartment] I bet this is lead paint. Kids, no chewing on the window sills!

Helen Harris: Yeah, stick to the table legs like I taught you.

Jenny Portman: [Being kicked by her unborn child] Ooh, ooh! Sweetie, what did mommy say about kicking while she's having a conversation? You need to wait until she's finished. Thank you very much.

Helen Harris: Did you just boss around the unborn?

Jenny Portman: It's never too early to learn good manners.

Marcella: [on phone] Sir, I'm becoming concerned for your safety.

Martin Blank: I have to go.

Marcella: Yeah, well, we all have to go sometime, sir, but we can choose when.

Martin Blank: Nobody chooses when.

Marcella: You know, when you started getting invited to your ten year high school reunion, time is catching up.

Martin Blank: Are you talking about a sense of my own mortality or a fear of death?

Marcella: Well, I never really thought about it quite like that.

Martin Blank: Did you go to yours?

Marcella: Yes, I did. It was as if everyone swelled.

Martin Blank: Why are you so interested in me going to my high school reunion?

Marcella: I just find it amusing that you came from somewhere.

Marcella: Sir, it's out of my hands. The gods want you to go back home, and they want you to delete someone while you're there.

Paul Spericki: I'll see you at the "I've-Peaked-and-I'm-Kidding-Myself" party.

Agent Steve Lardner: You want to kill the good guy but not be the bad guy. It doesn't work like that. You've got to wait until the bad guy kills the good guy. Then when you kill the bad guy, you're the good guy.

Ultimart Clerk: [after the convenience store blows up] No, I'm NOT all right! I'm hurt, I'm pissed... I gotta find a new job!

Bob Destepello: You wanna do some blow?

Paul Spericki: Wow. Just looking for a little validation for my life but apparently came up SHORT!

Daffy Duck: Yikes! Illegal aliens!

Dalek: Exterminate them!

Mother: Darn! I knew this day would come...

Mother: [[w:Them!|giant ants] This isn't about the ], is it?

Kate Houghton: Giant... ants?

Mother: [drinks from a flask of blue liquid] Cause they're not really ants... anymore.

D.J. Drake: Tell me about the Blue Monkey.

Mother: [spews her beverage on D.J.] How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?

D.J. Drake: My dad told me.

Mother: [pauses] What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!

Rob: Hey, Liz.

Liz: Hi, Rob... YOU ASSHOLE!

Jane Bloomwood: Cake?

Alette Naylor: [hesitant; cuts a sliver of crumbs] Yes. Oh, no, no, no, no, sorry, tiny, tiny, tiny. TINY! TINY! Thank you.

Alette Naylor: Your column will be "Affordable Fashion." 500 words, once a month... Welcome to Alette.

Rebecca Bloomwood: [to her potential employer] I can do affordable fashion! I mean, I know where all the sales are!

Jane Bloomwood: [interrupting] Yes, she does! Oh, in fact, she got that from me!

Rebecca Bloomwood: [laughing] I didn't, I didn't! No, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't...

Blair Litton: Oh, you think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.

Aaron Altman: No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their boss buttocks and then smooches is an ass-kisser.

Blair Litton: My gosh... and for a while there I was attracted to you.

Aaron Altman: Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!

Blair Litton: [to Jane] Except for socially, you're my role model.