John Heard Quotes

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Christmas Greetings at the McCallister Hotel

Cedric Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir. Merry Christmas, sir.

[hands it to Buzz; holds out his hand for a tip]

Buzz Oh, uh, hmm.

[hands over the gum he has been chewing]

Cedric Nice family, really.

[deadpan, to himself]

Buzz Merry Christmas, indeed. Oh, Daa-aad!

[to himself, reading bill, smirking; in sing-song voice; Outside, Kevin is with the Pigeon Lady in Central Park]

Peter KEVIN!!! YOU SPENT NINE HUNDRED SIXTY-SEVEN DOLLARS ON ROOM SERVICE?!

[off-screen; furiously screaming from the hotel; Kevin, startled, gasps and runs off]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Too Big to Fail

Negotiations on Preferred Shares and Dividends

Joe Gregory You heard anything from Buffett?

Erin Callan He's asking for preferred shares at 40, with a dividend of nine percent.

Dick Fuld We were just at 66! What-the-fuck?

Joe Gregory Maybe it's just an opening gambit, Dick.

Richard Fuld Sounds more like a goddamn insult!

Erin Callan Dick, we're at 36 right now. We haven't been anywhere near 66 in months. The markets like Buffett. His name will push the price up overnight.

Dick Fuld You know, I don't care who he is. I am not spending $360 million a year for the pleasure of doing business with him.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Searching for Kevin in New York

Cop What's the child's name?

Kate Kevin.

Peter K-E-V-I-N.

Cop When did you see him last?

Kate Curbside check-in?

Peter No, I saw him at the door. He was with us in the terminal.

Cop Most people get separated at security checkpoints. Did everyone get through security?

Kate I don't know. Peter...

Peter We were in a hurry. We had to run all the way to the gate.

Cop When did you notice he was missing?

Kate When we picked up our baggage here.

Cop Has the boy ever run away from home?

Peter No.

Cop Has he ever been in a situation where he's been on his own?

Kate As a matter of fact, this has happened before. It's becoming a McCallister family tradition.

Peter Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.

Kate He was left at home, by accident, last year.

Peter That's what my wife meant calling it a McCallister family tradition.

Cop We'll call Chicago and notify them of the situation. The odds are that's where he is.

Peter Thanks.

Cop It's very unlikely he'd be anywhere else.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone

Sibling Dispute Over Movie Restrictions

Kevin Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?

Kate Kevin, I'm on the phone. When do you come back? Not till then?

[on the phone]

Kevin It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk.

Kate Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then it must be really bad. No, we're not bringing the dog, we're putting it in the kennel for the... Hey, get off! Kevin, out of the room.

[on the phone]

Kevin Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you?

Kate This kid.

Peter Hey, did you pick up a voltage adapter thing, by any chance?

Kate No, I didn't have time to do that.

Peter Then how do I shave in France?

Kate Grow a goatee.

Kevin Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.

Peter I've got something for you to do. Why don't you pick up those Micro-Machines that are in there? Aunt Leslie stepped on one and almost broke her neck.

Kate He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun.

Peter Didn't we talk about that?

Kevin Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I made ornaments out of fishhooks.

Peter My new fishhooks?

Kevin I can't make ornaments out of the old ones with dry worm guts stuck on them.

Kate Peter.

Peter Come on, Kevin. Out.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

After Hours

A Humorous Exchange Over Drinks

Tom the Bartender How about a drink? You look like you could use one.

Paul You don't happen to have any powerful aphrodisiacs back there, do you?

Tom the Bartender She won't put out, huh?

Paul No, it's not for her. It's for me. I seem to have gotten myself involved with one of your cocktail waitresses.

Tom the Bartender Miss Bee Hive 1965.

Paul Yes. Don't even ask me how.

Tom the Bartender So, take off. What's she gonna do? Kill herself?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Big

Debate on What Constitutes a Sport

Josh I'm much better at video hockey.

Paul That's not a sport.

Josh It requires hand and eye coordination.

Paul It's not a sport if you don't sweat.

Josh What about golf? It's a sport and you don't sweat.

Paul It's not a sport if you let a machine do all the work.

Josh What about car racing?

Paul Shut up, Baskin.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone

Family Conflict Over Pizza Dispute

Kate What is the matter with you?!

[to Kevin]

Kevin He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions and...

Uncle Frank Look what you did, you little jerk!

[cutting him off]

Kate Kevin, get upstairs right now.

Kevin Why?

Jeff Kevin, you're such a disease.

Kevin Shut up!

Peter Kevin, upstairs!

Kate Say good night, Kevin.

Kevin Good night, Kevin". Why do I always get treated like scum?

[sarcastically]

Kate Oh, I am sorry. This house is just crazy. We've got all these extra kids running around. My brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today. It's just nuts.

[to Pizza Boy]

Kevin How come you didn't bring any more cheese pizzas?

Pizza Boy Nice tip. Thanks a lot.

Kate Thanks.

Harry Having a reunion or something?

Kate My husband's brother transferred to Paris last year. His kids are still there. He missed the family, so he invited us to Paris so we can be together.

Harry You're taking a trip to Paris?

Kate Yes, we hope to leave tomorrow morning.

Harry Excellent, excellent.

Kate If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. I'll be right back.

Harry Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband already. And don't worry about your home. It's in good hands.

Kate There are 15 people in this house. You're the only one who has to make trouble.

[escorting Kevin to the attic after he caused trouble in the kitchen]

Kevin I'm the only one getting dumped on.

Kate You're the only one actin up. Now, get upstairs.

Kevin I am upstairs, dummy. Third floor?

Kate Go.

Kevin It's scary up there.

Kate Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.

Kevin I don't wanna sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it!

Kate Fine. We'll put him somewhere else.

Kevin I'm sorry.

Kate It's too late. Get upstairs.

Kevin Everyone in this family hates me.

Kate Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.

Kevin I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck!

Kate Just stay up there. I don't wanna see you again for the rest of the night.

Kevin I don't wanna see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't wanna see anybody else, either.

Kate I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.

[feeling hurt]

Kevin No, I wouldn't.

Kate Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.

Kevin I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!

[runs upstairs in a huff, and Kate closes the door]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Packing for the Trip

Kate Honey, are you packed yet?

Kevin Yes.

Kevin on Recorder Yes.

Kate Everything I put out?

Kevin Yes.

Kevin on Recorder Yes.

Kate Did you see what Grandma Penelope sent you for the trip?

Kevin Let me guess. Donald Duck slippers?

Kate Close. An inflatable clown to play with in the pool.

Kevin How exciting. Why do we have to go to Florida? There's no Christmas trees in Florida.

[sarcastically]

Kate Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?

Kevin How can you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?

Kate We'll find a nice fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree.

Announcer Guests of Ding, Dang, Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel: New York's most exciting hotel experience. For reservations, call toll-free, 1-800-759...

Peter Where's the camcorder battery?

Kate I put it in the charger. How's this? Oh, much better.

Peter Hey, Kevin, you'd better go put your tie on. We don't wanna be late for the Christmas pageant.

Kevin My tie's in the bathroom and I can't go in because Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man. Whatever that means.

[Peter and Kate stare]

Peter I'm sure he was kidding. Just run in there, get your tie, get out, and don't look at anything.

[after a pause, chuckles]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Repetitive Request for Kevin's Item

Peter This Kevin's? Give this to Kevin.

Kate Give this... Give this to Kevin.

[tries to pass it to Frank, who waves her off; she passes it to Leslie instead]

Leslie Give this to Kevin.

Tracy Give this to Kevin.

Linnie Kevin.

Buzz Give this to Kevin.

Rod Give this to Kevin.

Sondra Give this to Kevin.

Megan Give this to Kevin.

Jeff Give this to Kevin.

Brooke Give this to Kevin.

Fuller Here you go, Kevin. Kevin's not here.

[notices elderly couple standing next to him instead of Kevin; passes bag up the line]

Brooke Kevin's not here.

Jeff Kevin's not here.

Megan Kevin's not here.

Sondra Kevin's not here.

Rod Kevin's not here.

[passes bag to Linnie, skipping Buzz]

Linnie Kevin's not here.

Tracy Kevin's not here.

Leslie Kevin's not here.

[passes bag to Kate, skipping Frank]

Kate Kevin's not here.

[gives bag to Peter]

Peter What?!

[incredulously]

Kate KEVIN!!!!!!!!!

[laughs, but immediately gasps in shock, then screams at the top of her lungs in alarm; faints]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

An Apology for Immature Pranks

Buzz Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'd like to apologize for whatever displeasure I might've caused you.

Kevin What?

Buzz My prank was immature and ill-timed.

Frank Immature or not, it was pretty gol-dern hilarious.

Buzz I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.

Kate Oh, Buzz, that was very nice. Kevin, do you have something to say?

[the whole family claps their hands and stops, waiting for Kevin to say something]

Buzz Beat that, you little trout-sniffer.

Kevin I'm not sorry! I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me! And since he gets away with everything, I let him have it! And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?

Kate Kevin!

Peter Kevin, you walk out of here, you sleep on the third floor.

Fuller Yeah, with me.

Kevin So what else is new?

Frank You'd better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss! Your dad's paying good money for it!

Kevin Oh, I wouldn't want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate!

Buzz What a troubled young man.

Kevin They're all a bunch of jerks.

Kate Hi. You know, Kevin, the last time we all tried to take a trip, we had a problem that started just like this.

Kevin Yeah, with me getting dumped on.

Kate I don't care for your choice of words. That's not what happened last time, and it's not what's happening this time. Buzz apologized to you.

Kevin Yeah, then he called me a trout-sniffer. He didn't mean what he said. He was just sucking up to you.

Kate Okay, why don't you just sit up here for a while and think things over? When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and the rest of the family, you can come down.

Kevin I'm not apologizing to Buzz! I'd rather kiss a toilet seat!

Kate Then you can stay up here for the rest of the night.

Kevin Fine. I don't wanna be down there anyway. I can't trust anybody in this family. And do you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation, alone, without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun in my whole life.

Kate Well, you got your wish last year. Maybe you'll get it again this year.

Kevin I hope so!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Package

The Role of Nuclear Weapons in Global Peace

Col. Glen Whitacre There hasn't been a world war in over forty years, Sergeant! You ever wonder why? Because of nuclear weapons. We want them, the Soviets want them.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Family's Concern for Lost Child in New York

Kate We're goin to New York, move it!

[to everyone]

Buzz Yes!

Kate He ran away from the hotel when they questioned him about the card. He must be so scared, Peter.

Peter I wonder if he'd know enough to go to my brother's place.

Kate Aren't they in Paris?

Peter Maybe they have a house sitter.

Kate I thought you said they were renovating.

Big

The Appeal of Maturity in Relationships

Paul What is so special about Baskin?

Susan He's a grown up.

Deceived

A Tense Exchange Over a Necklace

Jack Now. Give me the necklace, Adrienne.

Adrienne Here... take it.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Child Checks Into Hotel Alone

Mr. Hector We'd like to offer you a complimentary suite while you're here. It's a penthouse with a view of the park. I think you'll find it satisfactory. It was recently vacated by the Countess of Worcestershire.

Kate What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?

Mrs. Stone The boy had a very convincing story.

Kate What kind of idiots do you have working here?!

Mrs. Stone The finest in New York.

Peter Well, I mean, when you discovered that the credit card was stolen, what...

Mr. Hector I made the discovery.

[proudly]

Kate Why did you let him leave?

Mr. Hector When we attempted to confront him, he ran.

Peter You scared him away!

Kate It's Christmas Eve, and because of you, our child is lost in one of the biggest cities in the world.

Peter Could you take our family and our luggage up to the room, please?

[to Cedric]

Cedric Yes, sir!

Mr. Hector Run along, Cedric.

Peter I'm gonnna go down to the police station. I'm gonna make sure that they're doing everything in their power to find Kevin. I want you to stay here with Frank, Leslie and the kids.

[to Kate]

Kate No! I'm going out to look for him.

Peter What?

Mr. Hector With all due respect, madam, your son is lost in one of the biggest cities in the world.

Peter Could you stay out of this, please?

[to Mr. Hector]

Mr. Hector As you wish.

Peter Thank you. I don't think it's a good idea for you to start running around all over New York City all by yourself.

[to Kate]

Kate I think if our son can do it, I can do it.

Peter Kate, if...

Kate Peter, I'll be fine. The way I'm feeling right now, no mugger or murderer would dare mess with me!

Mr. Hector Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there, armed to the teeth- Do bundle up. It's awfully cold outside.

[Kate slaps him]

The Package

Unexpected Delay During Mission Planning

Soviet Colonel What's now?

[speaks in Russian, then switches to English]

Col. Glen Whitacre Why are we stopping, Sergeant?

[driver pulls over and stops car]

MP Sorry sir, just checking the map.

[produces pistol and shoots both passengers dead]

Big

Searching for Josh Baskin's Employment History

Paul Have you tried Mattel?

Susan Yes.

Paul Well, how about Coleco?

Susan Yes, as well as Fisher Price and Worlds of Wonder. None of these places reported ever having a Josh Baskin on their payroll.

Paul Well, he's got to come from somewhere. The guy just does not come into the executive offices out of the blue.

Susan Face it Paul, the man comes from data processing.

Paul It's a mystery.

Milk Carton MISSING: JOSHUA BASKIN

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Missing Wallet Leads to Child's Disappearance

Cop Merry Christmas. No sign of him. We're gonna have to be able to get a hold of you. Do you have hotel arrangements?

Peter Yeah.

Cop Do you have a recent photo of the boy?

Peter I have one in my wallet. I don't have my wallet. My wallet's in my bag. Kevin was looking into my bag at the airport. He was looking for batteries. Kevin has my wallet.

Cop Did you have credit cards in the wallet?

Peter Credit cards, money...

Cop We'll notify the credit card companies immediately. If your son has the cards, we can get a location on him when and if he uses them.

Kate No, I don't think Kevin knows how to use a credit card.

Home Alone

Unsettling Feelings and Forgotten Responsibilities

Peter What's the matter? Honey?

Kate I have a terrible feeling.

Peter About what?

Kate That we didn't do something.

Peter Oh, no, you feel that way because we left in such a hurry. We took care of everything. Believe me, we did.

Kate Did I turn off the coffee?

Peter No, I did.

Kate Did you lock up?

Peter Yeah.

Kate Did you close the garage?

Peter That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it.

Kate No, that's not it.

Peter What else could we be forgetting?

Kate KEVIN!!

[after a brief long silence, she shocks and realizes that they’re actually forgetting something]

Home Alone

Optimism vs. Realism in a Time Crunch

Frank There's no way on Earth we're gonna make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes.

Peter Think positive, Frank.

Frank You be positive. I'll be realistic.

Memorable Quotes from John Heard