Year One - Humorous Misunderstanding in Ritual Context
High Priest:
Rub me with oil..
Oh:
With my hands?
high priest:
No, with your nutsack, of course with your hands.
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Year One - Choice and Perspective on Virginity
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Year One - Discovery of Wheels and Imagination
Zed: [''pointing to wheels'']
What are these big, round things for?
Cain:
They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.
Oh:
I feel like a bird!
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Year One - Questions About Life and Knowledge
Zed:
I might know everything. Ask me something!
Oh:
Where does the sun go at night?
Zed:
Pass. Next question.
Oh:
Where do babies come from?
Zed:
Pass. Next question.
Oh: [''noticing a snake'']
There's a snake on my foot.
Zed:
In the form of a question!
Oh: [''scared'']
There's a snake on my foot?
Zed:
Correct!
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Year One - Consequences of Missing Ingredients in Salad
Oh:
Well, there won't be any berries in the fruit salad now. So we all lose.
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Year One - A Humorous Exchange on Trust and Friendship
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Living in the Moment
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Finding Wholeness in Brokenness
Norah: [[w:Tikkun olam|Tikkun olam]
It reminds me of this part of Judaism that I really like. It's called ]. It says that, um, the world's been broken into pieces and it's everybody's job to find them and put them back together again.
Nick:
Well, maybe we're the pieces. Maybe we're not supposed to find the pieces. Maybe we are the pieces.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Questioning a Parent's Lifestyle Choices
Nick: [entering Electric Lady studios]
Your dad owns this place?
Nick: [pointing to picture]
Is he this man?
Norah:
Yeah.
Nick:
Wow! So, what is he? Like, a former hippie, current yuppie, spoon-feeding the masses the same old garbage? Stop me at any time.
Norah:
Yes.
Nick:
Yeah.
Norah:
Yes! I'm gonna use that in my graduation speech. That's, like, amazing.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Favorite Song and Personal Connection
Nick:
So what is your favorite song?
Norah:
Well my favorite verse was "The way you're moving in your sleep, the way you look before you leap. The strange illusions that you keep. You don't know that I'm noticing.
Nick:
I wrote that.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Friendship Dynamics in a Quest for Attention
Nick:
You two must be great friends.
Norah:
Yeah, I am a great friend. It's always been like this. I'm the squire in Caroline's quest for attention.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Unexpected Encounters in Urban Spaces
Homeless Man:
What's up, friend? How you doing?
Nick:
Good. I was just gonna go in...
Homeless Man:
You walked right in here.
Nick:
I didn't mean to.
Homeless Man:
You're like a little canary in skinny jeans.
Nick:
I was gonna go in to look for my friend.
Homeless Man:
You got friends right here. Me and Switzerland are here for you, baby. Let me ask you a question. You ever hook up with a dog?
Nick:
No. What? Like an an... A dog, like a pet? No.
Homeless Man: [trying to hug Nick]
Don't. It's not worth it. I like you so much.
Nick:
I'm running away. I'm running.
Homeless Man:
Run away. Run away, little canary.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Unexpected Preferences in Familiar Places
Thom:
Would someone mind telling me where we're going?
Norah:
You know how some people like to eat at the same places?
Nick:
Yeah.
Norah:
Well Caroline likes to barf in the same places.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - A Confession About First Kisses
Norah:
I also have a confession.
Nick:
What?
Norah:
Before Tal, I never really... kissed anyone until tonight.
Nick:
Really?
Norah:
Yeah. Unless you count Becca Weiner at camp when I was 13.
Nick:
I do! I do count Becca Weiner!
Norah:
You do?
Nick: [Pause]
I don't know who wouldn't. You'd have to be a fool not to count her. How long were you guys together?
Norah:
Three campfire-y nights. Oh, me and Tal. I knew that.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Confusion About Relationships and Intentions
Nick:
I just feel like she's messing with me.
Thom:
Who are you talking about?
Nick:
Right now, Norah. No, Tris. Tris.
Thom:
You just haven't figured it out yet, have you.
Nick:
What?
Thom:
The big picture!
Nick:
I guess not.
Thom: [[The Beatles]
].
Nick:
What about them?
Thom: [grabs Nick's hand]
This. Look, other bands, they want to make it about sex or pain, but you know, The Beatles, they had it all figured out, okay? "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The first single. It's effing brilliant, right?... That's what everybody wants, Nicky. They don't want a twenty-four-hour hump sesh, they don't want to be married to you for a hundred years. They just want to hold your hand.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Misunderstandings Between Two Strangers
Norah:
Are you crazy?!?
Nick:
I don't know what I did to you to make you so angry.
Norah:
Nothing! You're just... you're ridiculous.
Nick:
You don't even know me.
Norah:
I know you, I know your make.
Nick:
My make?
Norah:
You're an emo punk bandboy and you're obsessed with Tris. They could make action figures out of you - drummer not included.
Nick:
It's funny that Tris never mentioned you considering what good friends you are, but she did mention some frigid jealous JAP who was completely jealous of her and who was a complete bitch.
Norah:
Oh, jealous?!?
Nick:
Yeah, and so now I think I know exactly who she was referring to.
Norah:
Let's dance, douchebag!
Nick:
OK, sweetheart, you think you have something...
Norah:
I AM NOT JEALOUS!!
Random Guy:
No man, she's not jealous.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Friendship and Loyalty in Relationships
Norah: [about Tris]
What did you see in her? I could floss with that girl.
Nick:
This is your friend that we're talking about?
Norah:
OK, so I'm the bad guy now, is that what we're doing, I'm the bad guy?
Nick:
If you really wanna know, she actually supported our music and our band when nobody else did, not that it's any of your business.
Norah:
OK, forget it, I can't do this.
Nick:
Do what?
Norah:
Just make a U-turn and take me back to Ludlow, alright. I'll find my own way...
Nick:
Perfect.
Norah:
...Because I refuse to be the goody bag in your pity party, NICK.
Nick:
You don't have to yell, it's not a train station... it's a tiny car.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Humorous Take on Band Composition
Nick: [[Shania Twain]
Well, you're two penises short of a ] reimagination band!
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - Embracing Memories in Unwashed Pants
Nick:
I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them.
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Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - The Struggles of Being Straight
Nick:
You don't know what it's like to be straight, OK? It's... awful.
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Molly's Game - The Dark Side of Poker Motivation
Player X:
You know, I don't like playing poker.
Molly Bloom:
Why do you play?
Player X:
I like destroying lives.
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Molly's Game - The Dynamics of High-Stakes Poker Games
Molly Bloom: [voice-over]
I’d overheard stories about games that folded after one bad night and I needed this one to keep going and I needed to bring value to it. I knew if I wanted to cement my place there was one guy I needed to team up with and that was this man. The game had regulars and the game had guests and four of the regulars were famous actors and I’m going to call one of them Player X. Player X subscribed to the belief that money won was twice as good as money earned. He lived to beat people and take their money. Here’s Player X talking one of the guests into folding the winning hand.
Player X:
I swear on my--look at me--I swear on my mother’s life--I have you.
Molly Bloom:
Player X was the best player at the table and tonight this guy was the worst. He’s staring at his cards - even a reasonably good amateur would know it was mathematically the best hand, which in poker is called the nuts. There was forty seven thousand dollars in the pot and the guest was holding the nuts but he was starting to get confused because a movie star was talking to him.
Player X:
My mother’s life man, I’m not messing with you.
Guest:
Why would you be telling me?
Player X:
Either I am messing with you or you’re new to the game, you’ve had bad cards all night, you should’ve folded after the flop and I don’t want to win more of your money this way. I’ve got queens under here. Take your time.
Guest:
Fold.
Player X:
Fuck you!
Molly Bloom: [voice-over]
A fish is a particular kind of player. A fish has money. A fish plays loose and doesn’t fold a lot. A fish is good but not too good. The Viper Room may have belonged to Reardon but the game belonged to Player X. People wanted to say they played with him the same way they wanted to say they rode on Air Force One. My job security was gonna depend on bringing him his fish. But where would I find people with a lot of money who didn’t know how to spend it and liked to be around celebrities?
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Superbad - Unconventional Compliments Between Friends
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Superbad - Health Class Lessons on Physical Reactions
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Superbad - Friendship Tensions and Misunderstandings
Seth:
You fucking prick!
Evan:
What?
Seth:
You bailed on me.
Evan:
I didn't bail on you.
Seth:
Yeah, you did. You said you were gonna do something, and you didn't do it. That's "bailing"!
Evan:
You're the one that drive me to that fucking party with those lunatics, man! I didn't bail on you!
Seth:
You BAILED on me! Okay?! You bailed on me this morning when Jesse spat on me, and you're bailing on me next year!
Evan: [scoffs]
The fu— It finally comes out. That's good, man.
Seth:
We were supposed to go to college together, Evan. Since we were little kids, since elementary school, that's all we ever talked about was US going to college together, and you got into fucking DARTMOUTH!
Evan:
You're making me feel like I'm a bad guy! Like, w-what am I, uh...? I didn't do anything wrong. I got into a good school!
Seth:
How the FUCK am I supposed to get into Dartmouth? You KNEW I couldn't get into Dartmouth—
Evan:
How fucking selfish are you?! You had no problem letting Fogell take the fall back there. You obviously don't want me going to a good school.
Seth:
Fuck, man!
Evan:
So what the fuck do you want?! I'm not gonna let you slow me down anymore, Seth!
Seth: [in shock]
What are you saying?
Evan:
I've wasted the last three years of my life sitting around talking BULLSHIT with you, man! Instead of chasing girls and making friends, I've just sat around wasting all my time with you! And now because of you, I'm going to college a fucking friendless virgin!
Seth:
Is this about Becca? Is this about some girl, man?
Evan:
I like her!
Seth:
Who gives a fuck? She's a fucking girl! What, are you gonna go out with her for two years? What about after that?
Evan:
Fuck you, man! You're a piece of shit.
Seth: [punches Evan]
Fuck you! And next time you're pissed off about something, don't keep it inside for ten years! Say it like a fucking man!
Evan:
Don't touch me.
Seth:
Fuck you!
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Superbad - Priorities in Risky Situations
Evan:
Do you want to get killed for liquor?
Seth:
No, but I would get killed for pussy. No questions asked!
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Superbad - Concerns About Appearance Before a Date
Evan:
Yeah, why don't you just wear what you wore to school?
Seth:
No, I can't do that. I can't let Jules see me in what I wore to school. It's completely unbecoming. No one's gotten a hand job in cargo short since Nam!
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Superbad - Planning a Wild Night at the Party
Seth:
You wanna hear the best part? Becca! You do the same thing with her. When you guys are shit-faced at the party, you get with her. This is our last party as high school people. I fully ignored my hatred for Becca in coming up with this plan.
Evan:
I should buy Becca alcohol?
Seth:
Yeah, man, that will be pimp! That way you know she'll be drunk. You know when you hear girls saying like, "Ahh, I was so shitfaced last night! I shouldn't have fucked that guy!" We could be that mistake!
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Superbad - Misunderstood Intentions in Teenage Relationships
Gym Teacher:
Seth, get off the field!
Evan:
Dude, get out of here. They're going to make me run laps again.
Seth: [Catches breath]
Dude, just listen, okay? Jules and her stupid fucking friend came up to me, and they asked me to buy her alcohol. But not just her, for her whole party. You know what that means? By some divine miracle, we were paired up and she actually thought of me. Thought of me enough to decide that I was the guy she would trust with the whole funness of her party. She wants to fuck me, she wants my dick... in and around her mouth.
Evan:
Did you ever think that she's just using you to get her alcohol? She doesn't want your dick?
Seth:
Of course I thought that. That's the first thing that came to mind. But she's got an older brother and she could've asked him, but she asked me. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Seth, Momma's making a pubie salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing." She's D.T.F.—down to fuck, man. P and Vagi, she wants to fuck, man! Tonight is a night that fucking is an actual possibility.
Evan:
You just sound like an idiot. You're not gonna be able to sleep with her, man.
Seth:
No...dude, I don't want to talk a lot of shit, okay? But she's gonna be at the party, and she's gonna be drunk, and she likes me at least a little, enough to get with me. At the very least I'll make out with her, two weeks handjob, month blowjob, whatever, whatever. And then I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around, I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj.
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Superbad - Friends Share Excitement Over a Secret Plan
Fogell:
Yo, guys! What's up?
Evan:
Fogell, where have you been, man?
Seth:
You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?
Fogell:
No, no, man. I got it. It is flawless. Check it!
Evan: [examining the fake ID]
Hawaii. Alright, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to...McLovin?
Fogell:
Yeah.
Evan:
McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell:
No, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth:
And you landed on McLovin?
Fogell:
Yeah. It was between that and Muhammad.
Seth:
Why the fuck would it between that and Muhammad? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell:
Muhammad" is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once!
Evan:
Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named "Muhammad"?
Fogell:
Have you actually ever met anyone named "McLovin"?
Seth:
No! That's why you picked a dumb fucking name!
Fogell:
Fuck you!
Seth:
Give me that. Alright, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name. It just says "McLovin"!
Evan:
What?! One name? One name? Who are you, Seal?
Seth:
Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell:
Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face! Every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. How many 21-year-olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, alright?
Evan:
Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's...it's a fine ID. It'll...it's going to work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either going to think, "Here's another kid with a fake ID," or "Here's McLovin, a 25-year-old Hawaiian organ donor." Okay? So, what's it gonna be?
Fogell: [grinning]
I am McLovin!
Seth:
No, you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made-up, dumb motherfucking fairy tale name, you fuck!
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Superbad - Frustration in a Cooking Class Dynamic
Seth:
I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work.
Teacher:
I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.
Seth:
I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him.
Evan: [His partner is tying on his apron]
Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, Miroki. I'm getting impatient up here.
Seth: [[W:tiramisu|tiramisu]
I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's BS. ...Excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry. I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke, no offense, it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit. And I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food, no offense, and I just think that I don't need to cook ]. When am I gonna need to cook tiramisu? Am I going to be a chef? No. There's three weeks left of school, give me a fuckin break! ...I'm sorry for cursing.
Teacher:
Alright, Jules partner isn't here either, pair up with her, station four.
Seth:
Jules? Alright, I'll give it another shot—give home-ec another shot.
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Superbad - Discussing Online Content and Expectations
Evan: [talking about porn sites]
You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean, that could be any number of things, right? Perfect Ten? I mean, it could be a bowling site.
Seth:
Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going IN, which is a huge concern.
Evan:
Right, I didn't realize that.
Seth:
Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
Evan:
No.
Seth: [shakes his head]
Not for me.
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Superbad - Memories of Past Relationships and Attraction
Seth:
You know it's been like two years since I've seen an actual human female nipple?
Evan:
Shauna? Shauna was 2 years ago now?
Seth:
Yeah.
Evan:
I guess so, but she was insanely hot.
Seth:
Exactly, she was TOO hot, okay? That's what sucks!
Evan:
How can that possibly suck? I'd be psyched if I gotten with her. You got like two dozen handjobs.
Seth:
Yes, and 3/4 of a blowjob, but who's counting, Evan? Look, it was the peak of my ass-getting career and it happened WAY, way too early.
Evan: [smirks; [W:Orson Welles|Orson Welles]
You're like ].
Seth:
Exactly! If I had paced myself, I'd be having at least steady sex with a decent looking girl. I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death!
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Superbad - The Challenges of Teenage Masculinity
Evan:
Look at those nipples.
Seth:
They're like little baby toes.
Evan:
It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get. Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.
Seth:
You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.
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Superbad - Childhood Jealousy and Awkward Conversations
Seth: [about Evan's mom]
I am TRULY jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan:
Yeah, well... least you got to suck on your dad's dick.
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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - Confronting Mortality Through Music and Art
Scott Pilgrim:
We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!
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Barbie - Allan Introduces Himself Amidst Frustration
Allan: [appeared in the backseat of the Barbie car, out of nowhere]
TURN THIS SONG OFF, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!
Sasha:
Who are you?
Allan:
I'm Allan.
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Barbie - Exploring Gender Dynamics and Identity in Barbie
Guy at the Beach:
Give us a smile, blondie.
Allan: [[w:NSYNC|NSYNC]
Allans have been in the real word before, no one's noticed! ]? They're all Allans! Even that one!
Aaron Dinkins:
I'm a man with no power, does that make me a woman?
Sasha:
Men hate women and women hate women. It's the one thing we can all agree on.
Kenmaid (Portrayed by John Cena):
Hi, Barbie!
Ruth Handler: [[mothers]
We ] stand still so our daughters can look back to see how far they’ve come.
Writer Barbie: [[w:Zack Snyder|Zack Snyder; [Justice League (film)|Justice League]
Wait. I did write a book. It’s like I’ve been in a dream, where I was somehow really invested in the ] cut of ]. But what you said broke me out of it.
President Barbie: [bleep]
That's because they're Dreamhouses, mother...
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