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Norm Macdonald Quotes

Actor

Memorable Quotes from Norm Macdonald

7 quotes
Dirty Work
Nostalgia and Friendship in Youthful Memories
Mitch Sam, you remember how things were when we were young?
Sam Yeah, it was great.
Jimmy You… bastard!
[''Turning round to reveal his bitten-off nose'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Billy Madison
Celebrating Nudie Magazine Day in October
Billy Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today?
[drunk]
Frank October?
Billy It's Nudie Magazine Day!!
[realizes]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Billy Madison
A Humorous Debate on Celebrity Preferences
Frank Hey Billy, who would you rather bone? Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy Jack Nicholson now or 1974?
Frank 74.
Billy Meg Ryan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Billy Madison
Childhood Memories and Mischief
Frank Well, this is great! When I graduated 1st grade all my dad did was tell me to get a job! Hey, you wanna feed that donkey some beer? Get it all messed up?
Billy Maybe later.
Frank I'll go put some beer in a bucket.
Billy Okay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Billy Madison
Unexpected Surprise for Old Man Clements
Brian Oh Billy, Billy boy, when are you going to find whatever it is you're lookin for?
[to himself]
Billy Here's a nice piece of shit! Old man Clements hates shit! He's gonna freak, when he realizes it's shit! Oh my God, Old Man Clements hates shit!
[goes up to the front porch of the Clements house, puts the bag down, lights it on fire, rings the doorbell, and hides behind the bushes with Jack and Frank; chuckles]
Frank Shh, here he comes.
[snickering]
Old Man Ted Clements Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barbara! It's one of those flaming bags again!
[from inside; emerges, and sees the flaming bag]
Old Woman Barbara Clements Don't put it out with your boots, Ted!
[offscreen]
Old Man Ted Clements Don't tell me my business, devil woman! Call the fire department; this one's out of control! Yuck! It's POOP again!
[stamps out flaming bag, but steps on something. He lifts up his boot and smells; he realizes it's poop]
Jack He called the shit "poop"!
Frank Oh, my God! This is the best night of my life!
[laughs some more]
Old Man Ted Clements I'll get you damn kids for this! You're all gonna die!
[goes back inside the house]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Animal
Questions Amidst a Serious Situation
Sgt. Sisk Ladies and gentlemen, our suspect is not human. He is at home in the bush. Shoot to kill. Any questions?
Mob Member Oh, yeah, yeah, I got a question there. When do we get to light our torches?
Sgt. Sisk When it gets dark.
Mob Member Ah, I see. Oh, hey, I got another question there. Suppose, hypothetically, you know, a guy had already lit his torch. I mean, it'd be cool if he could just keep it lit, huh?
Sgt. Sisk Yes.
Mob Member Oh, excellent. Excellent.
Sgt. Sisk Now, if there are no more questions...
Mob Member Oh, hey, hey, hey, I got another question. Hey, uh, if one part of the mob gets separated from another part of the mob, shouldn't there be a place that we can get together? Maybe a secret place the two mobs could reunite, and we'd be a big mob again.
Sgt. Sisk Stay with the mob.
Mob Member Stay with the mob. All right.
Sgt. Sisk Right.
Mob Member Hey, hey, hey, I got another question. Hey, uh, doesn't this guy deserve a fair trial?
Sgt. Sisk You... back of the mob!
Mob Member Back of the mob"? What? This is my spot! I came early!
Sgt. Sisk Okay, out of the mob!
Mob Member Ah, this mob blows.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Animal
Friendship and Conflict in a Small Town
Townie You can do it! Cut his freaking balls off!
Chief Wilson Marvin, do you worship the Dark Lord.
Miles If you don't wanna be my friend anymore because I'm black, you just let me know.
Gay flight attendant I hope he's on our flight.
[noticing Marvin sniffing a drug suspect's butt]
Mob Member I don't want to be part of a mob to kill a black dude!
Off-screen voice THAT'S A HUGE BITCH!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.