Memorable Quotes from Richard E. Grant
53 quotesQuestioning Love and Possession
Hugo Guiler
Does she think she can love anything in you I haven't loved?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Threat of Prolonged Torture
Darwin Mayflower
I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.
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The Harsh Reality of Innocence and Death
Tom Oakley
The DA Breaks into the prison, runs down death row, but he gets there too late. The gas pellets have been dropped. She's dead. I tell you, there's not a dry eye in the house.
[Pitching ''Habeas Corpus'']
Griffin Mill
She's dead?
Tom Oakley
She's dead. She's dead. Because that's the reality. The innocent die.
Griffin Mill
Who's the DA?
Tom Oakley
No one.
Griffin Mill
No one?
Tom Oakley
No stars on this project. We're going out on a limb on one.
Andy Civelli
You know, like unknown stage actors or maybe somebody English like what's-his-name.
Griffin Mill
Why?
Tom Oakley
Why? This story is too damned important to risk being overwhelmed by personality. That's fine for action pictures, but this is special. We want real people. We don't want people coming with any preconceived notions.
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Demanding Respect in a Tense Situation
Hudson Hawk
Look, you ]-looking motherfucker, someone better explain to me what is going on, or I ain't gonna move another muscle. I want to be treated like an adult!
[[w:Eddie Munster|Eddie Munster]
Darwin Mayflower
That's fair. Now go to your room!
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Illness Reflected in a Raw Potato
Withnail
(He spits out a globule of phlegm) Jesus, look at that. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. I must be ill.
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Life's Absurdity in Modern Luxury
Darwin Mayflower
If ] were alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us.
[[w:Leonardo Da Vinci|Da Vinci]
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A Reckless Plan for the Weekend
Withnail
All right, this is the plan. We get in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning.
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Threats of Violence and Revenge
Darwin Mayflower
I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!
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Confrontation Over Insults and Drugs
Withnail
I'm not having this shag sack insulting me! Let him get his drugs out.
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Trophies of Chaos and Mastery
Darwin Mayflower
History, tradition, culture... are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!
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The Cost of Freedom
Withnail
Free to those who can afford it, very expensive to those who can't.
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Ambition and Anger on the Mountain
Withnail
(Ranting on a mountain) Bastards! You'll all suffer! I'll show the lot of you! I'm gonna be a sta-a-a-a-ar!
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Feeling Overwhelmed and Disoriented
Withnail
I feel like a pig shat in my head.
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Agreement on Movie Production
Martin Barnfield
Gonna make this movie? Have we got a deal?
Clifford
We’ve got a deal. Yes!
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Disillusionment with Nature in Despair
Withnail
I'm in a park and I'm practically dead; what good's the countryside?
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Character Descriptions and Misunderstandings in Dialogue
Duty Cop
Detailed description?
Jessica Wilhern
Brown hair. Brown eyes. A unique... ly pleasant personality.
[pauses]
Franklin Wilhern
Think pig.
Duty Cop
So she's a fat girl?
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Fear and Doubt in the Countryside
Emma
I don’t wanna go any further, I’m scared!
Victoria
Why does the countryside have to be so bloody muddy?
Mel B
You know what? Something just brushed past me, and I’m not joking.
Geri
It’s probably something that wants to eat you.
Mel C
Oh, pack it in, Mel!
Mel B
It wasn’t me!
Geri
I think we’re lost, you know?
Mel C
WHAT’S THAT?!
Geri
OH MY GOD, RUN FOR IT!!
Emma
I CAN’T MOVE!!
Alien #1
(in alien language) It’s them, it’s them! Look!
Alien #2
(in alien language) Are you sure?
Alien #1
(in alien language) Yes! There’s the little blonde one.
Alien #2
(in alien language) That’s what you said last time, and it was a sheep!
Mel B
OI, GET OFF!
Mel C
Mel, you’ve done it now!
Alien #2
(in alien language) I told you, shake HANDS!
Mel B
Geri, go on, say something to them!
Geri
What do you want with us?
Alien #2
(in alien language) Are you the Spice Girls?
Girls
Yes.
Alien #2
(in alien language) Can we have tickets for your Albert Hall gig?
Emma
I’m really sorry, but it’s all sold out.
Alien #2
(in alien language) I told you we should’ve booked early!
Mel C
What’s that? What is it?
Alien #1
(in alien language) Can I have your autograph? It’s not for me, it’s for my brother.
Mel C
What’s his name?
Alien #1
(in alien language) Krtkkarphillmuk.
Mel C
Is that with 3 or 4 K’s?
Emma
It’s 4.
Alien #4
(in alien language) Could you sign this, Posh?
Victoria
Oh gosh, you’re fat!
Alien #1
(in alien language) Give us a kiss, Ginger one!
Emma
Eww, he wants you to snog him!
Alien #1
(in alien language) YIPPEE!
Emma
You want a picture?
Alien #2
(in alien language) Say “khttttyakkk!”
Clifford
What d’you mean, aliens?
Mel C
You know, aliens from outer space?
Emma
They had these little squidgy faces!
Victoria
Yeah, and really cheap green coats!
Clifford
You’re obviously under massive stress. I think you need some time off.
Emma
But we can’t dance like that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Gold Over Paper Money
Darwin Mayflower
Money isn't everything - gold is. Fuck T-bills! Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck junk bonds! We've got the real deal! Money will always be paper, but gold will always be GOLD!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Isolation and Observation
Withnail
These are the sort of windows faces look in at!
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Existential Disillusionment and Loss of Joy
Withnail
(Paraphrasing Hamlet) I have of late — but wherefore I know not — lost all my mirth... and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air — look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire — why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties! ...How like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world. The paragon of animals. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me. No, nor woman neither... nor woman neither.
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Withnail's Harsh Words to Monty
Withnail
Monty, you terrible cunt!
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Critique of Russian Plays and Understudying
Withnail
Bastard asked me to understudy Konstantin in The Seagull. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Especially that pimp! Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. Always full of women staring out of windows, whining about ducks going to Moscow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Conflict Between Truth and Audience Reception
Bonnie Sherow
How could you let him sell you out? What about truth? Reality?
[After screening ''Habeas Corpus'' with its revised cast of famous actors and new happy ending]
Tom Oakley
What about the way the old ending tested in Canoga Park? Everybody hated it. We reshot it. Now everybody loves it. That's reality.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing the Role of the Villain
Darwin Mayflower
What can I tell you? I'm the villain.
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Exploring New Realms and Holiday Curiosities
Shiver
This is your mother's throne, Your Grace.
[shows Clara Marie's old throne room]
Sugar Plum
Have you come to save us, Clara?
Clara
No. I'm sorry. I didn't even know this place existed before today. You see, I was looking for a Christmas present from my godfather.
[the regents look disappointed]
Hawthorne
Oh, I love Christmas! What's Christmas?
[to Sugar Plum and Shiver; lost]
Clara
Then I ran into this homeless mouse.
Shiver
Mouse?
Clara
And that's when I met the captain.
Philip
We barely escaped Mother Ginger. And the Mouse King.
Sugar Plum
You met Mother Ginger? Oh my sweet Clara, you're lucky to be alive!
Hawthorne
You must promise never to go back to the Land of Amusements, Clara.
Sugar Plum
Hawthorne!
[frustrated]
Shiver
Its title has been restricted.
Hawthorne
Oh, of course. I meant the Fourth Realm. Apologies. I'm just so upset. Forget I ever mentioned the Land of Amusements.
[to Sugar Plum and Shiver; Sugar Plum and Shiver silence him]
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Withnail's Commentary on Relationships and Women
Withnail
Scrubbers! Scrubbers! Little tarts, they love it!
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Exploring Love and Deception in Relationships
Anaïs Nin
How would you lie to June if you were making love to her?
Hugo Guiler
Making love to her?
Anaïs Nin
Yes. To her body. To her voluptuous body. She is so perverse, so naked. Tell her that you love her.
Hugo Guiler
I love you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Warning Against Unusual Threats
Withnail
Don't threaten me with a dead fish!
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Questioning the Laws of Physics
Shiver
My dear, that doesn't look very secure.
[to Clara, as she's attempting to escape the tower]
Hawthorne
You can't! It's not gonna work.
[worried; to Shiver]
Clara
It's just the laws of physics.
Philip
Do those laws ALWAYS work?
Clara
Always. As far as I know.
[under her breath]
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Desire for sustenance beyond black puddings
Withnail
Black puddings are no good to us. I want something's flesh!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love Beyond Physical Attraction
Hugo Guiler
You fall in love with people's minds.
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A Distraction During a Serious Discussion
Darwin Mayflower
The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter...
Minerva Mayflower
...on display for three days only at the ] in Paris.
[[w:Louvre|Louvre]
Hudson Hawk
As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?
Darwin Mayflower
Shut up! You're gonna make me lose my train of thought.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Presentation of Clara Stahlbaum in the Realms
Sugar Plum
You look like the daughter of a queen.
[to Clara, after she's dressed for the ballet about the four realms; the opening of "March of the Toys" from the ballet's first act plays as they enter the theater]
Shiver
Ladies and gentlemen, on this momentous day, in the history of the Four Realms...
[addressing the residents of the three realms]
Hawthorne
We are proud and privileged to present before you, Clara Stahlbaum, daughter of Queen Marie!
[all applaud]
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From Regular Joe to World Domination
Darwin Mayflower
This might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe. I just want to be happy. And happiness comes from the achievement of goals. It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones! But finally, I've got myself a new goal: WORLD DOMINATION!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Aspirin is essential for survival
Withnail
There must and shall be aspirin, or I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wine Crisis and Its Distressing Consequences
Withnail
I have some extremely distressing news. We've just run out of wine; what are we going to do about it?
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Feeling Unusual After Too Long Indoors
Withnail
I think we've been in here too long. I feel unusual.
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A declaration of thirst for alcohol
Withnail
I demand to have some booze!
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Determined to Tackle Household Chores
Withnail
Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up.
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Desire and Possession in Relationships
Anaïs Nin
Possess her like a man. I want to fuck her like a man. Fuck her, Hugo.
Hugo Guiler
I am fucking her, pussy willow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in a Cold, Unwelcoming Environment
Withnail
How can it be so cold in here? It's like Greenland in here. We've got to get some booze. It's the only solution to this intense cold. Something's got to be done. We can't go on like this. I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. I mean, look at us! Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! No fridges, no televisions, no phones! Much more of this and I'm going to apply for meals on wheels.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Plea of Innocence from Withnail
Withnail
I assure you I'm not , officer, honestly. I've only had a few ales.
[drunk]
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Discovery of the Spy by Allegiant General
General Hux
It was a coordinated incursion, Allegiant General. They overpowered the guards and forced me to take them to their ship.
Allegiant General Pryde
I see. Get me the Supreme Leader.
[to female aide]
Aide
Yes, sir.
Pryde
Tell him we found our spy.
[takes a stormtrooper's blaster, executes Hux, and gives the stormtrooper his weapon back; to aide]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Dynamics and Financial Arrangements
Darwin Mayflower
So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower
That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin!
Hudson Hawk
I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mistaken Holiday Adventure
Withnail
We've gone on holiday by mistake.
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Withnail's Thoughts on Alcohol Preferences
Withnail
Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths! The wankers on site don't drink it because they can't afford it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Claiming Authenticity Beyond London Origins
Withnail
Listen, we're bona fide, we're not from London.
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Desire for Immediate Luxury and Quality
Withnail
We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here and we want them now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with Limited Opportunities
Withnail
The only programme I'm likely to get on is the fucking news!
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Desperation in a World of Hideousness
Withnail
Look at this - accident blackspot? These aren't accidents, they're throwing themselves into the road! Throwing themselves into the road gladly to escape all this hideousness! (Heckles pedestrian) Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Meeting of Writers and Their Partners
Henry Miller
Hell of a place you got here, Hugo. Peaceful. Been here long?
Hugo Guiler
Just since the crash.
Hugo Guiler
We lived well. This is Henry Miller, the American writer Osborn is putting up. My wife, Anaïs Nin.
Henry Miller
How are you, Anaïs?
Hugo Guiler
Eduardo Sanchez, Anaïs cousin. Anaïs, you should read Henry's stuff.
Richard Osborn
For my money, he's got it over ].
[[D.H. Lawrence]
Anaïs Nin
I'd love to read your writing.
Richard Osborn
He hasn't been published yet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Curious Observation about My Tongue
Withnail
Look at my tongue. It's wearing a yellow sock.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of a Carefree Adventure
Clifford
(after they have a fall into the Thames) Look at this! Front page news again. Suppose the whole lot you had been drowned?
Geri
Well we weren’t though, were we?
Victoria
Speak for yourself.
Clifford
What do you think you were doing, going off like that?
Mel B
We were just having fun!
Clifford
What?!
Emma
You know, fun? Like, “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.