Robert De NiroQuotes

Travis Bickle: Now, I see it clearly. My whole life is pointed in one direction. I see that now. There never has been any choice for me.

Travis Bickle: [in a note] Dear Iris: This money should be used for your trip. By the time you read this, I will be dead. Travis.

Travis Bickle: [in an anniversary card to his parents; [July] Dear Father and Mother: ] is the month I remember which brings not only your wedding anniversary but also Father's Day and Mother's birthday. I'm sorry I can't remember the exact dates, but I hope this card will take care of them all. I'm sorry again I cannot send you my address like I promised to last year. But the sensitive nature of my work for the government demands utmost secrecy. I know you will understand. I am healthy and well and making lots of money. I have been going with a girl for several months and I know you would be proud if you could see her. Her name is Betsy but I can tell you no more than that...I hope this card finds you all well as it does me. I hope no one has died. Don't worry about me. One day, they'll be a knock on the door and it'll be me. Love, Travis.

Travis Bickle: [[w:AFI's 100 Years... 100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4vGsryZ0C8 Watch Here:] *Note: bolded portion ranked #10 in the ] in American cinema.

Travis Bickle: [looking in the mirror; draws; reholsters; draws gun from concealed forearm holster; reholsters; turns around to look behind him; whips out his gun again; draws his gun] Yeah. Huh? Huh? Huh? Faster than you, you fuckin son of a...I saw you comin', you fuck. Shit-heel. I'm standin here. You make the move. You make the move. It's your move. Huh? Don't try it, you fuck. You talkin to me? You talkin to me? You talkin to me? Well, then who the Hell else are you talking- You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? kay. Huh? (Listen you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. Who would not let- Listen you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is someone who stood up. Here is...) You're dead.

Travis Bickle: The idea had been growing in my brain for some time. True force. All the king's men cannot put it back together again.

Travis Bickle: June 29. I gotta get in shape now. Too much sittin is ruinin my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long. From now on, it will be fifty push-ups each morning, fifty pull-ups. There'll be no more pills, there'll be no more bad food, no more destroyers of my body. From now on, it will be total organization. Every muscle must be tight.

Travis Bickle: Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. June 8. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain. Then suddenly, there is a change.

Travis Bickle: I realize now how much she's just like the others - cold and distant, and many people are like that. Women for sure. They're like a union.

Travis Bickle: I tried several times to call her, but after the first call, she wouldn't come to the phone any longer. I also sent flowers but with no luck. The smell of the flowers only made me sicker. The headaches got worse. I think I got stomach cancer. I shouldn't complain though. You're only as healthy, you're only as healthy as you feel. You're only as...healthy...as...you...feel.

Travis Bickle: [talking on the phone to Betsy; [coffee; [flowers] Hello Betsy. Hi, it's Travis. How ya doin'? Listen, uh, I'm, I'm sorry about the, the other night. I didn't know that was the way you felt about it. Well, I-I didn't know that was the way you felt. I-I-I would have taken ya somewhere else. Uh, are you feeling better or oh you maybe had a virus or somethin', a 24-hour virus you know. It happens. Yeah, umm, you uh, you're workin hard. Yeah. Uh, would you like to have, uh, some dinner, uh with me in the next, you know, few days or somethin'? Well, how about just a cup of ]? I'll come by the, uh, headquarters or somethin', we could, uh... Oh, OK, OK. Did you get my ] in the...? You didn't get them? I sent some flowers, uh...Yeah, well, OK, OK. Can I call you again? Uh, tomorrow or the next day? OK. No, I'm gonna...OK. Yeah, sure, OK. So long.

Travis Bickle: I called Betsy again at her office and she said maybe we'd go to a movie together after she gets off work tomorrow. That's my day off. At first she hesitated but I called her again and then she agreed. Betsy, Betsy. Oh no, Betsy what? I forgot to ask her last name again. Damn. I got to remember stuff like that.

Travis Bickle: May 26. Four o'clock p.m. I took Betsy to Charles Coffee Shop on Columbus Circle. I had black coffee and apple pie with a slice of melted yellow cheese. I think that was a good selection. Betsy had coffee and a fruit salad dish. She could have had anything she wanted.

Travis Bickle: I first saw her at Palantine Campaign headquarters at 63rd and Broadway. She was wearing a white dress. She appeared like an angel. Out of this filthy mess, she is alone. They...cannot...touch...her.

Travis Bickle: All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention. I believe that someone should become a person like other people.

Travis Bickle: Twelve hours of work and I still can't sleep. Damn. Days go on and on. They don't end.

Travis Bickle: Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood.

Travis Bickle: [[God; [rain; [animals; [Prostitution|whores; [Homosexuality|buggers; [Transgender|queens; [LGBT|fairies; [Illegal drug trade|dopers; [Addiction|junkies; [Bronx; [Brooklyn; [Harlem] May 10. Thank ] for the ] which has helped wash away the garbage and trash off the sidewalks. I'm working long hours now, six in the afternoon to six in the morning. Sometimes even eight in the morning, six days a week. Sometimes seven days a week. It's a long hustle but it keeps me real busy. I can take in three, three fifty a week. Sometimes even more when I do it off the meter. All the ] come out at night - ], skunk pussies, ], ], ], ], ], sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the ], ], I take em to ]. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.

Vito Corleone: [to Don Ciccio, in Sicilian; stabs him] My father's name was Antonio Andolini, and this is for you!

Vito Corleone: [to Signor Roberto threatening to evict an old widow, in Italian] Do me this favor. I won't forget it. Ask your friends in the neighborhood about me. They'll tell you I know how to return a favor.

Boris Badenov: FEARLESS LEADER, MOOSE IS LOOSE!!!

Fearless Leader: GET THEM!!!!!!

Fearless Leader: [a message from the White House has arrived] Silence! It's a message from the mole at the White House!

Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale: Moose and Squirrel!

Fearless Leader: [tearing the message and throws it on the floor] Moose and Squirrel. How many times in the past have they stood between me and my dreams of glory? How many times have they foiled my plans with their bungling interference?!

Boris: Uh, 28?

Fearless Leader: Quiet, idiot! They must never reach New York alive. I want you to destroy them personally.

Boris: [kisses Fearless Leader's hand] After 30 years of waiting, one more chance to crush Moose and Squirrel!

Natasha: [kisses Fearless Leader's other hand] Oh, Fearless Leader, you are so good to us!

Minnie Mogul: Hey! How did that happen?

Fearless Leader: We are attached to the project.

Jimmy Doyle: Do I look like a gentleman to you in this shirt and these pants?

Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.

Jack Byrnes: What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?

Roz Focker: Yes.

Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?!

Bernie Focker: You people?

Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

Greg Focker: Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.

Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

Greg Focker: Mom...

Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?

Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.

Jack Byrnes: And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.

Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

Roz Focker: Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

Jack Byrnes: [Greg is getting extremely frustrated] The Little Jack in me?

Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?

Greg Focker: Mom, stop.

Bernie Focker: Key question!

Roz Focker: My guess is no.

Jack Byrnes: Would you spare me the drugstore psychology?

Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing; the arguing stops] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

Jack: Oh, that's it! Greg just said that's it, so I feel much better now.

Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is?

Greg Focker: Love, friendship... just love, I think.

Jack Byrnes: His legacy.

Greg Focker: That, too.

Jack Byrnes: If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.

Jack Byrnes: [After Greg fails to understand L.J.; Does "poop" gesture] That's not the sign for poop, that's the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop!

Greg: Well, what's the sign for sour milk, because this, uh, tastes a little funky.

Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.

Jack Byrnes: [After Bernie wrecks Jack's toilet to save his dog Moses] So much for the protection of our rolling safe house.

Dina Byrnes: Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it was Jinxy who got flushed into a toilet?

Jack Byrnes: Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion.

Jack Byrnes: We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.

Jack Byrnes: I'm not so sure this wedding is such a good idea. I don't like what I'm seeing from these Fockers.

Jack Byrnes: I said "No monkey business"!

Jack Byrnes: Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going.

Jack Byrnes: Dina! Wake up and make Greg a cappuccino! Shake a leg, woman!

Jack Byrnes: I am watching you. Guess who's here. It's Professor Einstein.

Jack Byrnes: All right. Now look, Focker, I'm a patient man. That's what 19 months in a Vietnamese prison camp will do to you. But I will be watching you, studying your every move. And if I find that you are trying to corrupt my firstborn child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.

Eddie DeVol: [Paul and Jelly go to Patti LoPresti's house, Eddie DeVol opens door] Yeah, what?

Paul Vitti: Yeah, what?" Is that how you answer the door? "Yeah, what?

Eddie DeVol: You got a problem with that?

Paul Vitti: [punches Eddie, enters house] Yeah, what?

Jelly: [points gun at Eddie who is lying on floor] Don't bother getting up on our account.

Dr. Ben Sobel: The girl has got to go.

Paul Vitti: You know, Doc, I think you might be jealous.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, and what exactly might I be jealous of?

Paul Vitti: I don't know, I didn't hear nothin comin out of your room.

Dr. Ben Sobel: We just don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex!

Paul Vitti: If you're quiet enough, you can do it without waking your wife.

Dr. Ben Sobel: I have a 17-year-old son.

Paul Vitti: I'll ask her.

Dr. Ben Sobel: I was at a funeral.

Paul Vitti: What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor!

Dr. Ben Sobel: My father died.

Paul Vitti: So. With you, it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it.

Dr. Ben Sobel: I know what you're doing, Paul. You're just upset that I have custody of you, so you passive-aggressively arranged for me to look like a fool.

Paul Vitti: Oh, come on. You were great! You were great!

Dr. Ben Sobel: Second take, I thought, was a little better than the first. Jelly wasn't giving me much, honestly. So I j... Screw you, Paul.

Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you might appreciate a nice home-cooked meal after being in prison for so long.

Paul Vitti: Yeah, that's what I've been jerkin off for the last 850 nights in a row, a fuckin home-cooked meal. "Oh, tuna casserole!

Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul, you know what you said about not flipping out?

Paul Vitti: Yeah.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Sorry.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Lou the Wrench? Why the Wrench?

Paul Vitti: He twisted some guy's head off.

Dr. Ben Sobel: OFF?

Paul Vitti: [while working as an auto dealer] Look at the size of this trunk. You can put three bodies in there.

Jack Byrnes: [to his cat after seeing the remixed video of Greg's rant; cat hisses] That's the Godfocker?

Jack Byrnes: Yeah. The pulse on your carotid antery remained steady as you pleaded your innocence.

Jack Byrnes: I know you were telling the truth about Andi, Greg.

Jack Byrnes: Sam might be three quarters Byrnes, whereas Henry could very well have a double dose of Focker in him. Double dose.

Jack Byrnes: What wheel?

Jack Byrnes: Greg, he saw his father inject a needle into his grandfather's penis. He already had issues. That's something he might never recover from.

Jack Byrnes: Dr. Bob. Scumbag.

Jack Byrnes: I'm not gay myself. But if I were gay, I would certainly be proud to choose a life partner like Gay Focker. And that's his actual name.

Jack Byrnes: Focker, there is no way I'm going to an ER room with this thing. Now you need to stick me and you need to stick me now! I'm having a dick attack! Stick me!

Jack Byrnes: If I go down, Greg, I need to know someone will be responsible for the whole Byrnes clan. So I ask you, Greg, are you prepared to be... the Godfocker?

Jack Byrnes: Like I always tell you, there's nothing wrong with spying as long as you suspect foul play. So, who's Andi?

Jack Byrnes: Who's Andi?

Jack Byrnes: Mmm-hmm. And what do they fight about?

Jack Byrnes: What about Mommy and Daddy, is everything okay with them?

Jack Byrnes: That's disgusting.

Jack Byrnes: [''sternly''] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?

Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?

Jack Byrnes: We've had this date since the beginning, Greg.

Jack Byrnes: I'm watching you.

Steven Pushkov: Hey, look at that! Whoa! What the hell is that?

Michael Vronsky: Where? Oh yeah. Holy shit! You know what that is? Those are sun dogs.

Peter "Axel" Axelrod: What does it mean?

Michael "Mike" Vronsky: It means a blessing on the hunter sent by the great wolf to his children.

Stanley: What the fuck are you talking about?

Michael "Mike" Vronsky: No, it's an old Indian thing.

Michael Vronsky: Here's to Nick.

Michael Vronsky: [to Stanley] You wanna play games? All right, I'll play your fucking games.

Michael Vronsky: Okay. Okay!

Michael Vronsky: [to Linda] I just wanted to say how sorry I am about Nick. And how, I know how much you loved him and I know that it will never be the same. I just wanted to tell you that.

Dick Kelly: Look... I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this. I haven't done it for a long time.

Lenore: I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check. Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up.

Dick Kelly: I've fallen and I can't get up.

Lenore: Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower.

Dick Kelly: Things were better under Eisenhower.

Lenore: We like Ike!

Dick Kelly: [yells] We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike! We like Ike!

Lenore: Are you cumming or dying?

Dick Kelly: I'm not sure, maybe both!

Lenore: For what it's worth, I still really wanna fuck you.

Dick Kelly: Oh, we're gonna fuck.

Lenore: Yeah, we are.

Dick Kelly: We're gonna thunderfuck.

Lenore: You're gonna tsunami on my face.

Dick Kelly: You're gonna flood like the Nile.

Lenore: Yeah, I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over.

Dick Kelly: The villagers will finally eat.

Lenore: You're gonna die while you're eating me out. I want your last breath to be in my pussy.

Cody: Lenore, you're such a slut!

Dick Kelly: You're like some sort of cock blocking terminator sent back from the future to cock block humans.

Jason Kelly: Ah, got ya.

Dick Kelly: The robots should've sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could've cock blocked John Conners parents and he never would've been born.

Jason Kelly: Shut up Grandpa. Shut up.

Lenore: I like your pull-out couch.

Dick Kelly: Yeah? Well, I got news for you. That's the only thing that's going to be pulling out tonight.

Dick Kelly: I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want summa dat drank? Summa dat purple draaank? Summa dat purple ass motherfuckin pimp dick draaank?

Bradley: Who... the fuck... are you?

Lenore: Hi, Professor.

Dick Kelly: Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach.

Lenore: Thank you.

Dick Kelly: I was actually talking to him.

Bradley: Yup, immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel.

Dick Kelly: Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back.

Jason Kelly: [shows up in a yellow sweater and plaid slacks] Well, how do I look?

Dick Kelly: Like the keynote speaker at a butt-fucking convention.

Dick Kelly: We have a long-standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously, I've got the bigger three-wood.

Lenore: Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.

Jason Kelly: Holy shit.

Jason Kelly: Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides.

Dick Kelly: You know what I'd rather do?

Jason Kelly: What?

Dick Kelly: I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.

Dick Kelly: The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.

Dick Kelly: Party till you're pregnant!

Dick Kelly: Jason, I want to fuck. For the first time in 40 years, I'm single, and I want to fuck. I want to fuck until my dick falls off. I want to fuck a horse, and I want to drink its blood. I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life, I'll miss her every goddamn day, but she told me on her death bed, you get back out there again. I haven't had sex in 15 years Jason, and I want to fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Gregor: So, what color is the boathouse at Hereford?

Sam: How the fuck should I know?

Spence: [drawing a diagram on the white board - two circles with arrows pointing at each other] Okay. We got shooters here... shooters here. I'll tell you an old trick...

Sam: [Sam puts his cup of coffee down on a table, walks over to the white board and rubs out Spence's diagram] Hey.

Spence: What's your problem?

Sam: [Spence just stands there. Sam is getting impatient] Draw it again. Draw it again. You're the ace field man, draw it again. It's a simple diagram, just draw it again, draw what you saw. Draw it again! Draw it again.

Sam: Two shooters, car comes through here, shooters across from each other, kill each other dead. Oh my, where'd you learn that? Huh?

Spence: In the regiment.

Sam: What regiment was that?

Spence: The 22nd Special Air Service.

Sam: What's the color of the boathouse at Hereford? What's the color of the boathouse at Hereford?

Spence: I don't like your attitude.

Sam: What's the color of the boathouse?

Spence: Oh, fuck off!

Sam: [moves closer to Spence, who backs away despite carrying a gun; as he backs away, Spence bumps into the table with Sam's coffee cup on it, spilling hot coffee onto his leg. Sam grabs his neck and face and bends him backwards over a railing, completely overpowering him. He takes Spence's gun off of him, then releases him] You got the gun, I'm unarmed. Do something. Go ahead, do something. Do something. Do something.

Sam: Tell me about an ambush?! Tell me about an ambush?! I ambushed you with a cup of coffee!

Sam: You aren't going in there?

Spence: Yeah, I'm going in there. And so are you.

Sam: Why am I going in there?

Spence: Why? To protect me.

Sam: There is no protection there. If it's a come-on, we're fish in a barrel. What are you doing? Why do they want you in there? What are you, crazy?

Spence: You know, you think too hard.

Sam: Nobody ever told me that before. But I wouldn't go in there.

Deirdre: What exactly were you doing back here?

Sam: Lady, I never walk into a place I don't know how to walk out of.

Deirdre: Then why are you getting into that van?

Sam: You know the reason.

Sam: So, how'd you get started in this business?

Dierdre: A wealthy scoundrel seduced and betrayed me.

Sam: Same with me. How about that?

Spence: You worried about saving your own skin?

Sam: Yeah, I am. It covers my body.

Sam: Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt. That's the first thing they teach you.

Vincent: Who taught you?

Sam: I don't remember. That's the second thing they teach you.

Spence: You ever kill anybody?

Sam: Hurt somebody's feelings once.

Sam: You labour or management?

Vincent: If I was management, I wouldn't have given you a cigarette.

Jean-Pierre: The forty seven Ronin. Do you know it?

Jean-Pierre: Forty seven samurai, whose master was betrayed and killed by another lord. They became ronin, masterless samurai, disgraced by another man's treachery. For three years they plotted, pretending to be thieves, mercenaries, even madmen. That I didn't have time to do, and then one night they struck, slipping into the castle of their lord's betrayer and killing him.

Sam: Nice. I like that. My kind of job.

Jean-Pierre: There's something more. All forty seven of them committed seppuku, ritual suicide, in the courtyard of the castle.

Sam: Well, that I don't like so much.

Jean-Pierre: But you understand it?

Sam: What do you mean, I understand it?

Jean-Pierre: The warrior code. The delight in the battle, you understand that, yes? But also something more. You understand there is something outside yourself that has to be served. And when that need is gone, when belief has died, what are you? A man without a master.

Sam: Right now I'm a man without a paycheck.

Jean-Pierre: The Ronin could have hired themselves to new masters. They could have fought for themselves. But they chose honor. They chose myth.

Sam: They chose wrong.

Sam: Either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution or you're just part of the landscape.

Sam: All good things come to those who wait.

Leonard Lowe: We've got to tell everybody. We've got to remind them. We've got to remind them how good it is.

Dr. Sayer: How good what is, Leonard?

Leonard Lowe: Read the newspaper. What does it say? All bad. It's all bad. People have forgotten what life is all about. They've forgotten what it is to be alive. They need to be reminded. They need to be reminded of what they have and what they can lose. What I feel is the joy of life, the gift of life, the freedom of life, the wonderment of life!

Leonard Lowe: Read the newspaper. What does it say? All bad. It's all bad. People have forgotten what life is all about. They've forgotten what it is to be alive. They need to be reminded. They need to be reminded of what they have and what they can lose. What I feel is the joy of life, the gift of life, the freedom of life, the wonderment of life!

Leonard Lowe: Hello. My name is Leonard Lowe. It has been explained to me that I've been away for quite some time. I'm back.

Lorenzo Anello: [about Sonny] People don't love him, they fear him. There's a difference.

Lorenzo Anello: Sometimes in the heat of passion, the little head tells the big head what to do, and the big head should think twice about what you are doing.

Rupert Pupkin: [laughter; laughter; laughter] A lot of you are probably wondering why Jerry couldn't make it this evening. Well, he's tied up, and I'm the one who tied him. You think I'm joking, but that's the only way I could break into show business—by hijacking Jerry Langford. I'm not kidding. Right now, Jerry Langford is strapped to a bedstead somewhere in the middle of this city. Go ahead. Laugh. But the fact is . . . I'm here. Tomorrow you'll know I wasn't kidding, and you'll think I was crazy. But I figured it this way: better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime!

Rupert Pupkin: This wasn't an easy decision for me, Jerry, believe me. For one thing, I knew it meant we could never be friends again and that hurt me. It's hard to lose a friend, even one who has let you down. You always hope you can patch things up. You know, a guy like me doesn't make friends that easily. Why didn't you just listen to the tape when I asked you? Then I wouldn't have to be doing all this. Was it really too much to expect, a few minutes of your time to listen to something I'd worked on my whole life?

Rupert Pupkin: [on tape] Now, Jerry. Before I begin, I just want to thank you for listening to this material and for the opportunity that you've given me. You know, lots of people think that guys like you, you know, people who have made it, lose their feeling for struggling young talent such as myself. But now I know from experience that those people are just cynics, embittered by their own failure. I know, Jerry, that you're as human as the rest of us, if not more so.