Sarah SilvermanQuotes

Geraldine: Life has a gap in it. It just does. You don't go crazy trying to fill it like some lunatic.

Mary: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game and eat hot dogs. I'm talking sausage hot dogs and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.

Brenda: Hmm...a fatty who likes golf and beer. Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?

Clinch: [after Clinch shoots him and distracts him long enough for the venom to kick in; drowsily] What's happening to me...?

Albert: [as Clinch succumbs to his death, slowly lying down; cut to flashback with Albert and the Indians putting snake venom in a bullet; cut to present] You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights...and, uh, wild animals. You know, like snakes. And, you know, the funny thing is, you don't even have to get bitten. All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream, and you're pretty much screwed. For example, if you drain a certain amount of venom from the fangs of a diamondback rattler into a hollow-tip bullet, you really only need one shot. Now, I knew my aim wasn't good enough to hit you anywhere important. But if I caught you by surprise... Well, Anna taught me just enough to get me in the ballpark. And just a small amount of venom in an open wound is enough to kill a man if he's-

Ruth: Albert! He's dead. You did it.

Albert: Oh.

Ruth: Yeah.

Albert: Did he hear all that smart stuff I did?

Edward: Uh...no. No, I don't think so.

Albert: Oh. Well, it was still good though.

Edward: Yeah, it was great!

Ruth: I thought it was really good.