S

Seth MacFarlane Quotes

Actor

Memorable Quotes from Seth MacFarlane

7 quotes
A Million Ways to Die in the West
Shooting Techniques in a Competitive Setting
Albert I fired a gun at the shooting gallery.
[At target practice]
Anna Yeah, but those are quarter loads. These are full loads.
Albert Okay, all right, get ready. I'm about to shoot a full load at your cans.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Million Ways to Die in the West
A Million Ways to Die Explained
Clinch What's happening to me...?
[after Clinch shoots him and distracts him long enough for the venom to kick in; drowsily]
Albert You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights...and, uh, wild animals. You know, like snakes. And, you know, the funny thing is, you don't even have to get bitten. All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream, and you're pretty much screwed. For example, if you drain a certain amount of venom from the fangs of a diamondback rattler into a hollow-tip bullet, you really only need one shot. Now, I knew my aim wasn't good enough to hit you anywhere important. But if I caught you by surprise... Well, Anna taught me just enough to get me in the ballpark. And just a small amount of venom in an open wound is enough to kill a man if he's-
[as Clinch succumbs to his death, slowly lying down; cut to flashback with Albert and the Indians putting snake venom in a bullet; cut to present]
Ruth Albert! He's dead. You did it.
Albert Oh.
Ruth Yeah.
Albert Did he hear all that smart stuff I did?
Edward Uh...no. No, I don't think so.
Albert Oh. Well, it was still good though.
Edward Yeah, it was great!
Ruth I thought it was really good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Million Ways to Die in the West
A Conversation About Timeliness
George Stark You're late!
Albert For what?
George Stark Fair enough.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Million Ways to Die in the West
A Confession About the Black Condor
Indian Chief Did you shoot the black condor and then kicked it in the balls?
[after Albert's drug trip hallucination; in Athabaskan]
Albert ...Yes.
[in Athabaskan]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Million Ways to Die in the West
Cultural Tensions and Misunderstandings Explored
Anna God, why are the Indians always so mad?
Albert I don't know.
Anna I mean, we're basically splitting this country 50/50 with them.
Albert They're just selfish.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Million Ways to Die in the West
Unexpected Sheep Encounter in a Whorehouse
Anna You're a good sheep farmer!
Albert Oh my God, please! I suck at sheep. Louise was right, I can't keep track of them. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week.
Anna Really?
Albert Yeah. Wandered in there. And then when I went to pick it up, somehow it had made twenty dollars.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Million Ways to Die in the West
God's Mysterious Love Through Our Struggles
Albert The guy is one of the best shots around. I look like I have Parkinson's next to him.
Louise What is that?
Albert It's just another way God mysteriously shows that he loves us.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.