Tim CurryQuotes

Monroe: This, as they say, is a fork in the road. We could go left or we could go right. If we go the wrong way, we lose two or three days.

Herkermer Homolka: We must follow the gorilla, where she leads.

Monroe: That would be left.

Dr. Karen Ross: My best guess off my last coordinates was this way.

Monroe: That'd be right.

Amy: Amy, Peter, go this way.

Dr. Karen Ross: Well... I don't have her passion. I'll follow the gorilla.

Dr. Peter Elliot: [coming across a crashed plane] Good Lord.

Monroe: It's that plane we saw burning in the sky.

Herkermer Homolka: Who were they?

Dr. Karen Ross: Travis, my boss, he thought I wasn't gonna make it. He sent another expedition.

Monroe: He tried to push away too far. Looks like a rocket got them. No point going in there.

Dr. Karen Ross: My God, what a waste of life.

Professor Plum: It must've been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram!

Mr. Green: I didn't do it!

Col. Mustard: Well, there's nobody else left!

Mr. Green: But I didn't do it! The gun is missing! Whoever's got the gun shot the girl!

Wadsworth: I shot her.

Col. Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, Mrs. White, Ms. Scarlet, Prof. Plum: You?!

Mr. Green: So it was you. I was going to expose you.

Wadsworth: I know. So I choose to expose myself.

Col. Mustard: Please! There are ladies present.

Wadsworth: You thought Mr. Boddy was dead, but why? None of you even met him until tonight.

Mr. Green: You're Mr. Boddy!

Prof. Plum: Wait a minute! So who did I kill?

Wadsworth: My butler.

Prof. Plum: Oh, shucks.

Wadsworth: He was expendable, like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me.

Mrs. White: This all has nothing to do with my disappearing nuclear physicist husband or Colonel Mustard's work on the new top secret fusion bomb?

Wadsworth: No. Communism is just a red herring.

Mr. Green: But the police will be here any minute. You'll never get away with this, any of you.

Wadsworth: Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.

Mrs. Peacock: You mean-- Oh, my God! Of course!

Wadsworth: So why shouldn't we get away with it? We'll stack the bodies in the cellar, lock it, leave quietly one at a time, and forget that any of this ever happened.

Mr. Green: And you'll just- just go on blackmailing us all.

Wadsworth: Of course. Why not?

Mr. Green: Well, I'll tell you why not.

Wadsworth: [slumps to the floor, reaches a hand inside his coat, and looks at the blood on his fingers; He dies] Oh, good shot, Green! And very good.

Wadsworth: You were jealous that your husband was schtupping Yvette. That's why you killed him, too.

Mrs. White: Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, so much...it flames, flames on the side of my face, breathing, heaving breaths, heaving...

Wadsworth: You see, like the Mounties, we always get our man!

Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?!

Wadsworth: Would anyone care for fruit or dessert?

Col. Mustard: [indignant] Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?!

Wadsworth: [dryly] You don't need any help from me, sir.

Col. Mustard: That's right!

Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?

Miss Scarlet: [laughs] Ah!

Mrs. White: Why is that funny?

Miss Scarlet: I see! That's why he was lying on his back, in his coffin.

Mrs. White: I didn't kill him.

Col. Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

Mrs. White: I don't want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. A lunatic. He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.

Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?

Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

Miss Scarlet: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?

Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?

Wadsworth: And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you!

Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living?

Mrs. White: He was a scientist. Nuclear physics.

Miss Scarlet: What was he like?

Mrs. White: [Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Mr. Green cross legs] He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh, you *know*. I had been out all evening at the movies.

Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?

Mrs. White: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life.

Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.

Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.

Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!

Mrs. White: [admittedly] He wasn't a very good illusionist.

Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

Wadsworth: So I see your work has not changed.

Wadsworth: I'm merely a humble butler.

Col. Mustard: What exactly do you do?

Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.

Col. Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house?

Wadsworth: Um... no.

Col. Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house?

Wadsworth: Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes.

Col. Mustard: No" meaning "yes?" Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no?

Wadsworth: No.

Col. Mustard: No there is, or no there isn't?

Wadsworth: Yes.

Mrs. White: [Smashes glass on fireplace] PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here!

Miss Scarlet: Yeah!

Professor Plum: How can we throw him outside in this weather?

Miss Scarlet: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!

Professor Plum: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!

Col. Mustard: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!

Mrs. Peacock: [hysterical] Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two dead bodies in the study!

All: Shhhhhhhhhhh!

Col. Mustard: Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house!

Wadsworth: I told you, there isn't.

Col. Mustard: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else?

Wadsworth: Either! Or both.

Col. Mustard: Just give me a clear answer!

Wadsworth: [clears throat] Certainly! What was the question?

Col. Mustard: [shouting] Is there anybody else in this house?

All: [shouting] No!

Farley Claymore: No one controls my mind, Shadow! There a new world order coming, and I’m going to be a king! A KING!

Cardinal Richelieu: You're too late, Musketeers! By now, the Duke of Buckingham's signature is next to mine! The alliance is complete!

Athos: [holds up the treaty document] That would be difficult... considering the treaty never left France!

Cardinal Richelieu: [tries not to react] A minor problem. I will return twice as strong, and the throne will be mine!!

Aramis: [as he fights off the Cardinal's men aboard; facing the Cardinal] I think not! You will never harm another soul ever again. My promise to God!

King Louis: [blocks Aramis; Richelieu smiles but the king punches him into the water] Wait.

King Louis: You have failed!

Cardinal Richelieu: [laughs; heads to throne dais; hands together in prayer, then sits on the throne; flays cape across queen's throne] You are so naive. But things couldn't have gone more perfectly if I'd planned them myself. The King of France dies at the hands of his own personal guards! Grief-stricken, terrified, the huddled masses turn for comfort to their devout spiritual leader... who, ever so humbly, assumes the throne... with a queen by his side.

Queen Anne: I would rather die.

Richelieu: [kicks stool and stands up] That can be arranged!

Milady: I don't believe you've suffered the burden of chastity.

Cardinal Richelieu: Perhaps you're right.

Milady: I was making an observation, not an offer.

Cardinal Richelieu: A word of caution, Milady. A snap of my fingers and you could be back on the block where I found you!

Milady: [inches the blade closer; [w:circumcision|change your religion] And with a flick of my wrist... I could ].

Cardinal Richelieu: [placing a bounty on the Three Musketeers] One thousand gold pieces on each of their heads, dead or alive...I prefer dead!

Cardinal Richelieu: [about MiLady DeWinter] A remarkable woman. The most beautiful I've ever known... and the deadliest. Which would explain my attraction.

Jim Hawkins: Silver!

Long John Silver: I suppose you'll be blowing the whistle on me now, won't you, Jim?

Jim Hawkins: [raising his whistle] I suppose I will. You have to return to Bristol to stand trial.

Long John Silver: [aims his pistol at him; Jim does not drop his whistle. After a long pause, he lowers his pistol; changing his heart] Oh, I'm sorry, Jim. I got a terrible fear of hanging. We're shipmates, aren't we, Jim? Gentlemen of fortune, together. Give us one more chance? Oh, hell, Jim. I could never harm you. You're honest and brave and true. You didn't learn that from me.

Jim Hawkins: I learned it from my friends, Mr. Silver. Now take your oars and row away. I never want to see you again, ever.

Long John Silver: [begins to row away, but stops; throws Jim back his compass and rows off] Oh, Jim? Tis a shame, really. We'd have made a great team, Jim.

Long John Silver: Excuse me?

Benjammina Gunn: [also appears] Going somewhere, John-John?

Long John Silver: Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.

Mr. Arrow: [reads from list] Roll call! Long John Silver?

Long John Silver: Aye aye, sir!

Mr. Arrow: Short Stack Stevens?

Short Stack Stevens: Aye!

Mr. Arrow: One-Eyed Jack?

One-Eyed Jack: Aye.

Mr. Arrow: Black Eye Pete?

Black Eye Pete: Yeah.

Mr. Arrow: Walleyed Pike?

Walleyed Pike: Aye.

Mr. Arrow: Polly Lobster?

Polly Lobster: (Squawks and whistles)

Mr. Arrow: Mad Monty?

Mad Monty: Aye.

Mr. Arrow: Sweetums?

Sweetums: [from behind them] AYE.

Mr. Arrow: ...Old Tom?

Old Tom: Aye aye.

Mr. Arrow: Real Old Tom?

Real Old Tom: Aye!

Mr. Arrow: Dead Tom?

Dead Tom: Aye aye!!

Gonzo: Cool.

Mr. Arrow: Clueless Morgan?

Clueless Morgan: Huh?

Mr. Arrow: [no response; leans to the side and sees a headless puppet saluting in acknowledgment] Headless Bill? Headless Bill? Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O'Brien?

O'Brien: [in her deep voice] Aye.

Mr. Arrow: [stands in aghast momentarily before reading off the final name] Angel Marie?

Angel Marie: [in his deep voice] Aye, aye.

Captain Smollett: Hmm...hmm...Gentlemen, may I see you in my cabin? Immediately?

Captain Smollett: [Later, in his cabin; whimpers with a pant. Jim, Rizzo, Gonzo, the rest of The Muppets, and officers point at Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger] Who hired this crew?! This is without a doubt, the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains, and scoundrels I have ever seen! So, who hired em?! Your finger hired the crew?

Captain Smollett: [stunned] A cook, and a guy who lives in a bear's finger?

Captain Smollett: I'm starting to worry about this voyage.