Memorable Quotes from Woody Harrelson
100 quotesDebate on Pre-Fight Intimacy
Cesar Dominguez
I thought we were not supposed to get laid for a couple of weeks before a fight.
Vince Boudreau
Says who?
Cesar Dominguez
Everybody knows that. You know, it's an energy thing...
Vince Boudreau
All the great ones got laid before they fought! I mean, the more the better, man.
Cesar Dominguez
You never told me that!
Vince Boudreau
Yeah, well, I thought you knew, man. The words go together: Champion and pussy. Champion, pussy. Just think about it. It's a natural.
Cesar Dominguez
Oh, Jesus Christ!
[Starting to laugh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trauma and Revelation in Althea's Life
Althea
I had an epiphany once, Larry.
Larry Flynt
What was that?
Althea
When my daddy shot my entire family in the head and I was the only one to identify the bodies, and I was sent to an orphanage full of good Christian nuns who shoved my face into their pussies with their cruxifixes on for eight goddamn years!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fridge Material Versus Serial Killer Wall
Teddy
What's that, for your little serial killer wall?
[''About his minute photos'']
The Man From Toronto
You think you'd make the wall? Come on, man. You're barely fridge material.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Food Choices in Semi-Pro
Ed Monix
Jackie, what are you eating?
Jackie
I think it's a pancake...
Monix
How long's that been there Jackie?
Jackie
It's been here a while...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Value and Opinion in Decision Making
Larry Flynt
What'd you think?
[''Looking at the first issue of the Hustler newsletter'']
Jimmy Flynt
How much do they cost?
Larry Flynt
Will you forget money for one second! What'd you think?
[shakes his head]
Jimmy Flynt
What I think depends on how much they cost.
Larry Flynt
This is the first Hustler newsletter. It's all for the man on the go and man-about-town. Here's news service and pictures.
Jimmy Flynt
It's a magazine. How are you going to pay for that?
Larry Flynt
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Everyone Has Opinions, Just Like Assholes
Larry Flynt
Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Love Against Inner Demons
Mickey Knox
You know, the only thing that kills the demon... is love.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating a Plea Bargain in Court
Alan Isaacman
Listen, I'm sitting here with the eminently reasonable District Attorney of the state of Georgia. Right. He's very impressed by your conversion, he wants to cut us a plea bargain.
[''On the phone'']
Larry Flynt
A plea bargain? Because I've found God?
Alan Isaacman
Larry, listen to me for a second: Don't argue with me on this, okay? Just say yes because I've pulled a lot of strings to make this happen.
Larry Flynt
Is he sitting there with you?
Alan Isaacman
Yes, he is.
Larry Flynt
Would you do me a favor? Just tell that miserable old gray-haired bastard to go fuck himself, we're going to trial.
Alan Isaacman
Okay, right.
Larry Flynt
Oh, and praise the lord.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for Deadly Competitors in the Arena
Haymitch Abernathy
Cashmere and Gloss, brother and sister, District 1. They won back-to-back games, Capitol favorites, lots of sponsors, they will be lethal. and the other half of the career pack, Brutus and Enobaria.
[points to a TV; TV changes]
Katniss Everdeen
What's with her teeth?
Haymitch Abernathy
She had them filed into fangs so she could rip people's throats out.
Peeta Mellark
She's committed, I'll give her that.
Haymitch Abernathy
Wiress and Beetee. Not fighters, but brilliant. And weird. Real tech-savvy. He won his games by electrocuting six tributes at once. The Morphlings, masters of camouflage. They won their games by hiding until everyone was dead. Self medicating ever since, which I applaud; not a threat.
[TV changes; TV changes; TV changes to Finnick Odair]
Katniss Everdeen
Finnick Odair, right?
Haymitch Abernathy
Yes he won his games at 14, youngest ever. Extremely humble.
Katniss Everdeen
You're kidding.
Haymitch Abernathy
Yes I'm kidding, he's a peacock. A total preener. But he's the Capitol darling, they love him here. Charming, smart, and very skilled in combat, especially in water.
Peeta Mellark
Any weaknesses?
Haymitch Abernathy
One. Mags. She volunteered for Annie. Mags was his mentor and basically raised him. If he's trying to protect her in any way, it exposes him.
Katniss Everdeen
A guy like that should know she's not going to make it. I bet when it really comes down to it, he won't protect her.
Haymitch Abernathy
Well, Katniss, I hope when she goes, she goes quickly. She's actually a wonderful lady.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Afirmation of No Presidential Ambitions
Lyndon B. Johnson
I have zero intention of running for President.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Vengeance Over Insanity: A Character's Perspective
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
I'm not a crazy man. I am a vengeful one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Wicked Presence Approaches
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
Something.... wicked.... this way... COMES!
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Confrontation Over Online Presence and Accountability
The Man from Toronto
You think you know me? I know you. I looked at your little online gym channel. Seven views. With one upload three years ago. And seven views.
Teddy
Yeah. Three comments.
The Man from Toronto
Yeah. You think a low toner got you into this situation? No. Never doing what you say you're gonna do is what got you into this situation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Basketball Identity and Perception
Billy Hoyle
Yo, pretty boy! I looked up basketball player in the dictionary and it said Not you!'.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Relationships
The Man from Toronto
Who's she with?
Teddy
Her friend, Anne. Why?
The Man from Toronto
You didn't tell me about Anne.
Teddy
I didn't know that I had to tell you about Anne. What's the problem?
[''The Man from Toronto sighs and gets uncomfortable'']
The Man from Toronto
I get uncomfortable... around women.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Ideal Client: Fun, Wealthy, and Troublesome
Larry Flynt
You don't want to quit me, I'm your dream client: I'm the most fun, I'm rich, and I'm always in trouble.
[''to Alan'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing the Moment of Focus
Billy Hoyle
I'm in a fuckin zone!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Confrontation Between Leaders and Their Fates
The Colonel
]...and ]. ]...and ]. ] and ]... You're probably not much of a reader, but this is a big moment. Where were you? We came upon your herd. We got lucky. I was surprised you weren't with them.
[[Ulysses S. Grant|Grant; [w: Stephen D. Lee|Lee; [Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Wellington; [Napoleon Bonaparte|Napoleon; [w: George Armstrong Custer|Custer; [Sitting Bull]
Preacher
Hey! Hey! Hey!
The Colonel
I hope you don't come to regret sparing his life. He's quite a good shot. Have you finally come to save your apes?
Caesar
I came for you.
The Colonel
For me? Who did I kill that night?
Caesar
My wife. My son.
The Colonel
I'm sorry. I was there for you. My God. Look at your eyes. Almost human.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misconceptions About Safe Havens in Zombieland
Columbus
You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee
Back east, yeah?
Columbus
Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing?
Tallahassee
Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year.
Columbus
There are no penguins on the North Pole.
Tallahassee
You wanna feel how hard I can punch?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Shared Ownership and Connection
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The End of America and Humanity
Charlie Frost
This marks the last day of the United States of America. And, by tomorrow, all of mankind. And we will be visible from the Milky Way as a tiny little puff of smoke. I'm watching the earth crumble before my eyes. The giant ash cloud created by this super-volcano will first envelop Vegas and then St. Louis and then Chicago and then, at long last, Washington, D.C. will have its lights go out! I have goosebumps, people! I wish you could see what I'm seeing, people! I WISH YOU COULD BE HERE WITH ME! OH, BABY... BRING IT ON!! ALWAYS REMEMBER FOLKS: YOU HEARD IT FIRST FROM CHARLIE!!!!
[broadcasting live as the Yellowstone Caldera is about to erupt; the Yellowstone Caldera explodes; gets slightly thrown back by the shockwave, then gets back up; spreads out arms; is hit by a massive rock and killed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Last Box of Twinkies
Tallahassee
There's a box of Twinkies in that Grocery Store. Not just any Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date, and someday soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Beauty Standards in Media
Althea
Her tits look nice
[''Flipping through [[w:Playboy (magazine)|an issue of Playboy]
Larry Flynt
They look nice but they don't look real. I don't understand this magazine fuzzy pictures, articles on I don't know what the hell their talking about.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over a Romantic Interest
Grace Santiago
Hey! Hey! That's my man! Get your hands off my man! Are you bitches crazy? You wanna get hurt, that's what it is!
[staggers towards platform women; pretending to be drunk; pulls her sleeves and clenches her fists as she runs towards them]
Woman on Platform
We're sorry, we didn't know it was your man!
Grace Santiago
Get the hell outta here! Yeah, you better run!
[tries to attack them]
Woman on Platform
It's your fault! You started it!
[to her friend as they leave the station]
Woman on Platform
Me? I didn't start anything!
Grace Santiago
I turn my back for one minute and you're doggin me?
[to John]
John
They were huuge!!
Charlie
Oh, she's beautiful.
[back at the booth]
Grace Santiago
Now, you wait right there, all right. You wait right there, and don't you let me see you talkin to -
[positioning John on the poles]
Grace Santiago
You nasty. What you lookin at? I could kick your ass, too. Shit.
[gives a male passerby a dirty look]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Risks in Life
Mr. Bruner
Life's about taking risks. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Freedom of Speech for All
Larry Flynt
If ] will protect a scumbag like me, it will protect all of you.
[[w:First Amendment to the United States Constitution|the First Amendment]
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Confrontational Response to an Insult
Billy Hoyle
Who you callin a pilgrim motherfucker? Gobble this turkey!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Dark Reflection on Happiness and Loneliness
Mr. Bruner
Wow. I actually was writing my own suicide note just now. “I have 32 fleeting minutes of happiness during lunch, which has been eaten up again and again by the same especially badly dressed student, and I finally thought I would rather have the dark nothingness. It sounds so relaxing. Have a nice life without me, fuckers.”
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Sexual Orientation
Tommy Bollinger
Still not gay?
[repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lessons Learned in Isolation
The Man from Toronto
I was raised by my grandfather on a frozen lake 50 miles from nowhere. He was a kind man. He taught me many useful things.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Responses in a Conversation
Monix
Vakidis, open the window, will ya?
Vakidis
Yes, right on! (does nothing)
Monix
Vakidis, did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?
Vakidis
Yes, right on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Serious Conversation About Mental Health
Nadine
Hey.
Mr. Bruner
Busy.
Nadine
I don't wanna take up a ton of your time, but I'm gonna kill myself. I just thought an adult should know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tallahassee's Frustration with Zombies
Tallahassee
Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?! Where are ya?!
[looking through a fried-Twinkie stand]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing Not to Engage with Hustler Magazine
Larry Flynt
If you don't like Hustler magazine, don't read it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Truth and Belief in Court Testimony
Mantke Clerk
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?
Larry Flynt
No.
Judge Thomas Alva Mantke
No?
Larry Flynt
Your Honor, I'm an atheist. I can't very well, uh, swear to a God I don't believe exists.
Judge Thomas Alva Mantke
Mr. Flynt, you are a handful.
Larry Flynt
I know, Your Honor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Building Shelters from Bricks and Tension
Billy Hoyle
You still putting up bricks? What is this a masons convention? Clang!! Clang!! I need welding torch to play in this leauge. Lets stop right now and gather up all these bricks and build a shelter for the homeless so that your mother will have a place to live. I want your Mother and Sister out of my house immediately !!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The People vs. Larry Flynt - Larry Flynt
Larry Flynt
What is more obscene: Sex or war?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About 19th-Century Poetry
Teddy
Here's a little secret of mine. I love 19th-century American poetry. It's my hobby.
The Man from Toronto
Let's hear some ].
[[John Keats|Keats]
Teddy
You wanna hear her old stuff or her new stuff?
The Man from Toronto
Well, he... died at 25.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Destruction Without Hate
Vince Boudreau
You don't have to hate a man to completely destroy him.
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One-upping Stories in Zombieland
Columbus
Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story?
Tallahassee
No. I knew ] way worse at that than me.
[[w:Cliff Clavin|a guy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Power, Money, and Commitment in Conflict
Alan Isaacman
You don't see me running around, pissing off everybody we're trying to get to help us.
Larry Flynt
Yeah, well, you can walk and you can fuck and I'm in this chair! And I got money, okay, and I got money and that gives me the power to shake up this system.
Alan Isaacman
Well, find somebody else to help you then, because, this is not what I signed on for. I don't even know what we're engaged in anymore, Larry. If you get on that plane, I quit.
Larry Flynt
Alan, don't be so melodramatic. You don't wanna quit me. I'm your dream client: I'm the most fun, I'm rich and I'm always in trouble.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Consequences of Humanity's Hubris
Caesar
I think you have no ].
[[mercy]
The Colonel
You came here to kill me. Were you going to show me mercy?
Caesar
I showed you mercy when I spared your men. I offered you peace and you killed my family.
The Colonel
Mercy. Do you have any idea what your mercy would do to us? You're much stronger than we are. You're smart as hell. No matter what you say, you'd eventually replace us. That's the law of ]. The irony is, we created you. We tried to defy Nature, bend it to our will. Nature has been punishing us for our ] ever since. Ten months ago, I sent out recon units to look for your base. My own son was a soldier with one of the units. One day, he suddenly stopped speaking. He became primitive, like an animal. They contacted me and said that they thought he'd lost his mind, ]. Then the man who cared for him stopped speaking too. Their medic had a theory, before he stopped speaking, that the virus that almost wiped us out, the virus that every human survivor still carries, had suddenly changed. Mutated. And that, if it spread, it would destroy humanity for good this time. Not by killing us, but by robbing us of those things that make us human. Our speech, our higher thinking. It would turn us into beasts. You talk about mercy? What would you have done? It was a moment of ] for me. I realized that I would have to sacrifice my only son, so that humanity could be saved. I held that gun in my hand for a long time... And I pointed it at my only child. He looked at me with trust in his eyes. Even in his primitive gaze, I felt his... love. I pulled the trigger. It purified me. It made my purpose clear. I gave orders to kill the others infected, all of them. Burn their belongings, anything that might spread contamination. Some of the men questioned my judgment. I was asking them to do what I had done, to sacrifice their friends, their family. Of course, they refused. I had them killed too. Others with children deserted into the woods. One of those ]s fled to my superiors up north. They tried to convince me that this plague could be dealt with medically. Thats when I realized that they had learned nothing from our past.
[[Nature; [arrogance; [PTSD|that the war was too much for him; [clarity; [coward]
Caesar
You killed them too?
The Colonel
What did I do, Preacher?
Preacher
You severed their heads, sir.
The Colonel
Except for the one I spared so he could return and deliver a message. If they wanted to relieve me of my command, they'd have to meet me here, and do it themselves. This used to be a weapons depot. They turned it into a relocation camp when the crisis was just beginning. But the weapons are all still here, inside the mountain.
Caesar
How many men will be coming?
The Colonel
Probably all of them. But don't get any ideas, the only thing they fear more than me is you apes. This is a holy war. All of human history has led to this moment. If we lose, we'll be the last of our kind. It will be a planet of apes, and we'II become your cattle. Look at you. You think I am sick, don't you? I didn't mean to kill your son. But if his destiny was to inherit your unholy kingdom... I am glad I did.
The Colonel
So emotional! I see how conflicted you are. You are confused in your purpose. You're angry at me for something I did that was an act of war. But you're taking this all much far too personally. What do you think my men would have done to your apes, if you had killed me? Or is killing me more important?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with a Comedy Legend
Bill Murray
Is that how you say hello where you come from?
[after Columbus shoots him]
Columbus
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray.
[realizing]
Tallahassee
Mr. Murray?
Bill Murray
I'm just Bill, I think, now.
Tallahassee
Bill?
Bill Murray
Yeah?
Tallahassee
I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this.
[pokes at Bill's wound]
Bill Murray
Ah. That's still tender.
Tallahassee
You think you might pull through?
Bill Murray
No.
Columbus
If it means anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive.
Bill Murray
It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker.
Little Rock
So do you have any regrets?
Bill Murray
], maybe.
[[w:Garfield: The Movie|Garfield; gives a long exhale, like a death rattle...then inhales and does another one before he dies]
Wichita
I'm sorry, he just gets me...but it's very sad.
[suddenly starts snorting and laughing softly, everyone looks at her]
Columbus
Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Boundaries and Respecting Personal Space
Roy Munson
Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Friendship Challenges in Adolescence
Mr. Bruner
Are you having a problem today, Nadine?
Nadine
Several. I don't really have any friends at the moment.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Illusion of Winning the Games
Haymitch Abernathy
Nobody ever wins the Games. Period. There are survivors. There's no winners.
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The Challenge of Maintaining Appearances
Billy Hoyle
It is hard God damn work, making something this pretty look like a chump!
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The Consequences of Creation and Conflict
Opening Text
Fifteen years ago, a scientific experiment gone wrong gave ] to a species of intelligent apes... and destroyed most of humanity with a virus that became known as the Simian Flu. With the ] of a new ape civilization led by Caesar, the surviving humans struggled to coexist... but fighting finally broke out when a rebel ape, Koba, led a vengeful attack against the humans. The humans sent a distress call to a military base in the North where all that remained of the U.S. Army was gathered. A ruthless Special Forces Colonel and his hardened battalion were dispatched to exterminate the apes. Evading capture for the last two years, Caesar is now rumored to be marshaling the fight from a hidden command base in the woods... as the WAR rages on...
[[Rise of the Planet of the Apes|RISE; [Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|DAWN]
Red Ape
I don't fear you. You must fear! How long you think woods can protect you? Humans destroy you. Their Colonel has all power. For them, he more than just human. He everything. He say: "First Caesar die... then all of you die.
Koba
Ape not kill ape.
The Colonel
All of human history has lead to this moment. The irony is we created you. And nature has been punishing us ever since. This is our last stand. And if we lose... it will be a Planet of Apes.
Rocket
Feeling better? Good. Then we can talk about... Escape. Apes together strong!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Performance Announcement in Las Vegas
Merritt McKinney
Thank you. Tonight we would like to try something that will, well, set us a bit apart.
Henley Reeves
For our final trick, we're gonna do something never before seen on a Las Vegas stage.
Jack Wilder
Or any stage for that matter.
Daniel Atlas
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are going to rob a bank.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity Beyond the Monster
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
I’m a killer. With or without the monster, Eddie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding in a Zombie Encounter
Tallahassee
Bill Murray, you're a zombie?
[shocked]
Bill Murray
Ow, I'm on fire! Ouch!
[cries in pain]
Tallahassee
You're not a zombie, you're talking and...You're okay?
[surprised]
Bill Murray
The hell I am!
Wichita
I'm sorry. I didn't know it was...It was "you" you.
[also surprised]
Tallahassee
Are you...? What's with the get-up?
Bill Murray
Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. Zombies don't mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, makeup guy, he showed me how to do this. Corn starch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there.
Tallahassee
Goddamn it! Bill-Fucking-Murray! I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill-Fucking-Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like...Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected. I gratefully respect you.
[growing excited]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Oath of Truth
Mantke Clerk
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help yo God?
Larry Flynt
No.
Judge Mantke
No?
Larry Flynt
Your honor, ]. I can't very well, uh, swear to a God I don't believe exists.
[[w:atheism|I'm an atheist]
Judge Mantke
Mr. Flynt, you are a handful.
Larry Flynt
I know, your honor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Connection in Isolation
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
I wanted your friendship...
[last words]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipating the Arrival of Chaos
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
Soon come chaos. Chaos soon come.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Complicated Connection Between Two Characters
Mr. Bruner
You’re complicated and simple. I feel this connection between us. I feel like I already know you.” This is kinda sweet. I think you’re over-reacting. “I’ll give you head. I want you to put your mouth on my tits. I want to feel you inside me. We can do it in the Petland stockroom.
[reading Nadine’s message; pause, awkward]
Nadine
Oh my God. Say something! Please help me!
Mr. Bruner
You need to watch out for run-on sentences.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Supreme Court Concerns Over Larry Flynt's Conduct
Alan Isaacman
Larry, thousands of people petition the Supreme Court, okay? Thousands.
Larry Flynt
Yeah, and our case is as good as any.
Alan Isaacman
Our case is better than most, you're missing my point, and that is they will never pick you. Because you're a nightmare. They're afraid if they let you in there, you're gonna wear a diaper, or throw oranges at the justices, and they should be, Larry, because in all the times you've gone to the court asking for help, you've never once demonstrated any respect for its institutions and procedures.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commitment to a Life of Adventure
Tobias Beckett
If you come with us, you're in this life for good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Blood Tastes Different, Secrets Unveiled
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
I have tasted blood before, my friend, and that is not it. Eddie's got a secret!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Anarchist View of Church Music
Grace Pasic
I love church music...
Vince Boudreau
Church music? It's too good for the church. JESUS was too good for the church, ya ask me. You know, he shook things up. He was, uh, he was an ANARCHIST, ya know? He, uh, he threw the money lenders outta the temple. First thing he's gonna do when he comes back is torch the Vatican!
Grace Pasic
Vince, come on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Twinkies and Regrets in Zombieland
Little Rock
No Twinkies.
Tallahassee
Shit! Fuck!
Wichita
See, I told you we should've gone to Russell Crowe's, but nobody ever listens to me!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Insults with Defiance
Roy Munson
Who you calling psycho?!?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on the Farm Bill's Impact
Lyndon B. Johnson
Senator Yarborough.
Ralph Yarborough
Mr. Leader, I still don't take a drink. Now, if you've called me in here to ask me about my vote on the Farm Bill, I should tell you that I have not changed my position in the slightest.
Lyndon B. Johnson
No problem, no problem at all. Uh... But listen, while I've got you here, there's only one question I've been meaning to ask you. Have you got shit for brains? What the hell is your problem with this Farm Bill?
Ralph Yarborough
We should be doing a heck of a lot more for people who have less.
Lyndon B. Johnson
The only thing more irritating than a liberal is a liberal from Texas.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Work Ethic and Global Competitiveness
Tommy Bollinger
A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship and Wealth in Larry Flynt's Life
Larry Flynt
These are my friends - lots of money, lots of friends.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Skills in Zombie Survival
Tallahassee
My momma always told me "Someday you'll be good at somethin'." Who'd have guessed that somethin would be zombie killin'?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wealth and Power in Challenging the System
Larry Flynt
I got money, which gives me the power to shake up the system.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Controversial Imagery in Courtroom Testimony
Simon Leis
Mr. Flynt, can you please turn to page 77? Can you describe to the jury what is on that page, please sir?
Larry Flynt
It's a picture of ].
[[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus]
Simon Leis
What is Santa Claus doing?
Larry Flynt
He's talking to Mrs. Claus, and holding in his hand what appears to be a large, erect penis.
Simon Leis
And could you read the caption underneath that cartoon, please?
Larry Flynt
This is what I've got to ho-ho-ho about.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Romulus Thread
Move. You want another?
[''raises his whip'']
Katniss Everdeen
Go ahead.
Haymitch Abernathy
Whoah, whoah, whoah!
[''hurrying in between them'']
Romulus Thread
Get out of my way!
[''aims at Haymitch'']
Haymitch Abernathy
Y-you don't wanna shoot her.
Romulus Thread
How bout I shoot both of ya?
Haymitch Abernathy
Look, Commander, you're new here. Trust me, I'm trying to help. I'm Haymitch. You recognize her? Katniss Everdeen? Darling of the Capitol?
Romulus Thread
She interfered with a Peacekeeper.
Haymitch Abernathy
I never said she was smart! Look, I- you already got a couple of lashes in-
Romulus Thread
That's not good enough; she's an agitator!
[''jerks his pistol to the right as Peeta approaches him'']
Peeta Mellark
Easy. Easy.
Haymitch Abernathy
Look, you sure Snow wants three dead Victors here? Cause that's what we're looking at. It's bad enough that you marked up her face on the eve of the big wedding. Let it go. And we will, too.
Romulus Thread
All right. Okay. But next time, it's the firing squad.
Haymitch Abernathy
Excellent idea.
Romulus Thread
I don't care who she is. Clear the square! You’re all under curfew! Anyone out after dark will be shot on sight! Get em outta here.
[shouting angrily; turns to the crowd, still shouts; ''turns back to Haymitch'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Defiance Against Expectations in The Hunger Games
Haymitch Abernathy
They aren't very happy with you.
Katniss Everdeen
Why, because I didn't die?
Abernathy
Because you showed them up.
Everdeen
Well. I'm sorry it didn't go the way they'd planned; you know, I'm not very happy with them either-
[sarcastic]
Abernathy
Katniss. This is serious. And not just for you. They don't take these things lightly.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Amidst Zombie Chaos
Columbus
Hey, for fuck's sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don't have enough problems. "Oh, they stole my Hummer. Oh, we have trust issues." Well get over it! We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass Americans? Fuck me.
Tallahassee
Whoa.
Columbus
I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reputation Defined by One Action
Vince Boudreau
If a man builds 1,000 bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Joining the Crew Proposal
Tobias Beckett
Hey, kid. I'm putting together a crew. You in?
[Chewbacca makes an affirmative growl]
Han Solo
That's yes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting challenges with urgency and resolve
Tallahassee
Time to nut up or shut up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Passion for Life and Music
Billy Hoyle
Keep singin guys... My old man was a preacher... I love this shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Predictability of People
Tobias Beckett
People are predictable.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Two Reluctant Survivors
Carson Wells
Buenos días. I'm guessing this isn't the future you had planned for yourself when you first clapped eyes on that money. Don't worry. I'm not the man who's after you.
Llewelyn Moss
I know that. I've seen him.
Wells
You've seen him, and you're not dead?
Moss
What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?
Wells
No, I wouldn't describe him as that.
Moss
How would you describe him?
Wells
I guess I would say he doesn't have a sense of humor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Request in a Private Moment
Althea Leasure
Larry?
Larry Flynt
Yeah?
Althea Leasure
Take off your pants.
Larry Flynt
What?
[''Grins'']
Althea Leasure
Take off your pants.
Larry Flynt
Why?
Althea Leasure
Because I've never fucked a millionaire before.
[''Shows him the profit sheet'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Versatile Skills of Riding and Dancing
Pepper Lewis
If it's got hair, I can ride it. If it's got a beat, I can dance to it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tallahassee Reflects on Unexpected Success
Tallahassee
Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.
[about Columbus, after seeing him kiss Wichita]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Long-Awaited Reunion Between Rivals
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
Welcome back, Eddie Brock. It's been a long time. I miss you... so much!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Rare Moment of Vulnerability
Tallahassee
I haven't cried like that since ].
[silently crying about losing his 3-year-old son to the zombies; [w:Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Race and Rights in America
Lyndon B. Johnson
You know, about a year ago, my private cook Mrs. Wright, who you know was driving from here down to the ranch in Texas. So I asked her if she would mind bringing my dog, Little Beagle Johnson, with her in order that he could be there when I got home. Mrs. Wright respectfully declined. She said it is hard enough for a black woman driving through the South without having a dog to worry about. Finding a place to eat, to sleep, to use the restroom. The personal cook of the vice president of the United States has to drive through towns without stopping , then squat to pee by the side of the road. Hundred years ago, she would've been a slave. Hundred years from now, hell, she might be... president. But today, we live in a time of too much uncertainty. Where can she eat? Where can she sleep? Can she vote? And if she does, will she be harassed for casting that vote? Can she attend school? If so, which school? Can she travel the cities and towns of this land without fearing for her safety? What rights that belong to the men in this room should not be afforded to her?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for the Spotlight on Television
Jackie
There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence Coffee Black
So what's the plan?
Jackie
Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on TV.
Bee Bee Ellis
What the hell is that?
Jackie
It's eyeliner, dummy! Now who's first? Monix?
Monix
Oh, yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Freedom and Personal Sacrifice
Larry Flynt
Why do I have to go to jail to protect your freedom?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of Anton Chigurh's Identity
Man Who Hires Wells
You know Anton Chigurh by sight. Is that correct?
Carson Wells
Yes, sir. I know him every which way.
Man Who Hires Wells
When did you last see him?
Wells
Uh, November 28th of last year.
Man Who Hires Wells
You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit?
Wells
No sir, but you struck me as a man who wouldn't want to waste a chair.
[sitting down]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Missing Floor in a Tall Building
Carson Wells
You know, I, uh, counted the floors of this building from the street.
Man Who Hires Wells
And?
Wells
Well, there's one missing.
Man Who Hires Wells
We'll look into it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questions About Chigurh's Reputation
Man Who Hires Wells
How well do you know Chigurh?
Carson Wells
Well enough.
Man Who Hires Wells
That's not an answer.
Wells
What do you want to know?
Man Who Hires Wells
I'd just like to know your opinion of him in general. Just how dangerous is he?
Wells
Compared to what, bubonic plague? He's bad enough you called me. He's a psychopathic killer, but so what? There's plenty of em around.
Man Who Hires Wells
He killed three men in a motel in Del Rio yesterday, and two others at that colossal goatfuck out in the desert.
Wells
We can stop that.
Man Who Hires Wells
You seem pretty sure of yourself. You've led something of a charmed life, haven't you, Mr. Wells?
Wells
In all honesty, I can't say that charm has had a whole lot to do with it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life's Struggles and Enduring Challenges
Roy Munson
The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin mine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Connection Between Cletus and Eddie
Cletus Kasady / Carnage
I've been thinking about you, Eddie, because you and I are the same.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The People vs. Larry Flynt - Dialogue 5
Larry Flynt
Do you know how many rooms I have here?
[''To his parents while showing them around his new mansion during [[w:Independence Day (United States)|a 4th of July party]
Pa Flynt
How many?
Larry Flynt
Twenty four rooms, do you know who else has twenty four rooms?
Pa Flynt
]
[[w:President of the United States|The president?]
Larry Flynt
]
[[w:Hugh Hefner|Hugh Hefner]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tributes Seek Allies in the Arena
Haymitch Abernathy
Good news. At least half the tributes want you as allies.
Peeta Mellark
They saw her shoot.
Haymitch Abernathy
Well, sweetheart, you got your pick of the litter.
Katniss Everdeen
I want Wiress and Beetee.
Peeta Mellark
Johanna calls them "Nuts" and "Volts".
Haymitch Abernathy
OK, good. Who else?
Katniss Everdeen
Mags. All right, fine. Then no one.
[Peeta turns away in disapproval]
Haymitch Abernathy
I'll tell them you're still making up your mind.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Different Priorities in Competition
Billy Hoyle
A white man wants to win first, look good second. A black man wants to look good first, win second.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inclusivity in Larry Flynt's Establishment
Larry Flynt
Thank you all for coming. Welcome to my establishment, we welcome Christians in here too.
[''Walking past protesters protesting outside his strip club'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recruitment for a Major Job Opportunity
Tobias Beckett
Heard about a job. Big shot gangster, putting together a crew.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Artistry in Controversial Photography
Larry Flynt
Look, we're not running a flower shop here. We're selling the girl. So stop playing with all the props and pillows and flowers and just shoot the girl.
[''Frustrated at the stills photographer'']
Stills Photographer
Let's go for the leg thing spread your legs a little wider.
[''To the model during a photo shoot'']
Larry Flynt
There, that's exactly what we want, that's perfect a woman's vagina has just as much personality as her face.
[''Walks up to the model and spreads her legs even wider'']
Stills Photographer
But you can't show the genitalia.
Larry Flynt
Why not?
[''Disappointed, confused'']
Jimmy Flynt
He's right. Legally, you can't show it.
Larry Flynt
Shut up. Are you religious man?
[''To Jimmy'']
Stills Photographer
Yeah.
Larry Flynt
You believe God created man?
Stills Photographer
Yeah.
Larry Flynt
And God created woman?
Stills Photographer
Yeah.
Larry Flynt
Surely the same God created her vagina, and who are you to defy God? Just shoot it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Compliment on Basketball and Appearance
Billy Hoyle
You're too pretty to play basketball, you know that? You got that Z in your fro! Hey man, what are you, the Black Zorro?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Unlikely Alliances in Zombieland
Columbus
You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are, both uh...east.
Tallahassee
So?
Columbus
So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? At least - at least for a while?
Tallahassee
Here's the deal, Columbus. Uh, I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch, so, uh, I'll get this relationship to about Texarkana.
Columbus
Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana.
Tallahassee
You're a peppy little spit fuck, aren't you?
Columbus
You might wanna buckle up, you know for safety.
Tallahassee
I can tell already, you are gonna get on my nerves.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Clash of Perspectives in Corporate Change
Blow Dried Jerk
Uh, Mr. Flynt? I don't wanna step on your toes, but things have changed since you were actively running the company. I mean, I look back at the stuff you did in the 70s, and it was, uh, sorta racy and crazy. But the country is different now. ] ].
[[w:Ronald Reagan|Reagan; [w:Political positions of Ronald Reagan|has rebuilt America and the moral majority is gaining power]
Larry Flynt
You're fired.
Blow Dried Jerk
Excuse me?
Larry Flynt
You get the fuck out of my building. Doug, get him out of here. You blow-dried jerk motherfucker. Take him out of here and throw him in the incinerator, cut him to little pieces and feed him to the animals out there. Get out of here!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Obscenity of Sex Versus War
Larry Flynt
I think the real obscenity comes from raisin our youth to believe that sex is bad and ugly and dirty and yet it is heroic to go spill guts and blood in the most ghastly manner in the name of humanity. With all the taboos attached to sex, it's no wonder we have the problems we have. It's no wonder we're angry and violent and genocidal. But ask yourself the question. What is more obscene? Sex or war?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judgment of Taste in the Courtroom
Larry Flynt
Twenty-five years? All I'm guilty of is bad taste.
[''Incredulous after prison sentence'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.