Woody HarrelsonQuotes

Cesar Dominguez: I thought we were not supposed to get laid for a couple of weeks before a fight.

Vince Boudreau: Says who?

Cesar Dominguez: Everybody knows that. You know, it's an energy thing...

Vince Boudreau: All the great ones got laid before they fought! I mean, the more the better, man.

Cesar Dominguez: You never told me that!

Vince Boudreau: Yeah, well, I thought you knew, man. The words go together: Champion and pussy. Champion, pussy. Just think about it. It's a natural.

Cesar Dominguez: [Starting to laugh] Oh, Jesus Christ!

Grace Pasic: I love church music...

Vince Boudreau: Church music? It's too good for the church. JESUS was too good for the church, ya ask me. You know, he shook things up. He was, uh, he was an ANARCHIST, ya know? He, uh, he threw the money lenders outta the temple. First thing he's gonna do when he comes back is torch the Vatican!

Grace Pasic: Vince, come on!

Vince Boudreau: If a man builds 1,000 bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.

Vince Boudreau: You don't have to hate a man to completely destroy him.

Pepper Lewis: If it's got hair, I can ride it. If it's got a beat, I can dance to it.

Roy Munson: Take that, you freaky piece of shit. You don't mow another guy's lawn.

Roy Munson: The world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn't kickin mine.

Roy Munson: Who you calling psycho?!?!

Grace Santiago: [staggers towards platform women; pretending to be drunk; pulls her sleeves and clenches her fists as she runs towards them] Hey! Hey! That's my man! Get your hands off my man! Are you bitches crazy? You wanna get hurt, that's what it is!

Woman on Platform: We're sorry, we didn't know it was your man!

Grace Santiago: [tries to attack them] Get the hell outta here! Yeah, you better run!

Woman on Platform: [to her friend as they leave the station] It's your fault! You started it!

Woman on Platform: Me? I didn't start anything!

Grace Santiago: [to John] I turn my back for one minute and you're doggin me?

John: They were huuge!!

Charlie: [back at the booth] Oh, she's beautiful.

Grace Santiago: [positioning John on the poles] Now, you wait right there, all right. You wait right there, and don't you let me see you talkin to -

Grace Santiago: [gives a male passerby a dirty look] You nasty. What you lookin at? I could kick your ass, too. Shit.

Monix: Vakidis, open the window, will ya?

Vakidis: Yes, right on! (does nothing)

Monix: Vakidis, did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?

Vakidis: Yes, right on!

Jackie: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.

Clarence Coffee Black: So what's the plan?

Jackie: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on TV.

Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?

Jackie: It's eyeliner, dummy! Now who's first? Monix?

Monix: Oh, yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

Ed Monix: Jackie, what are you eating?

Jackie: I think it's a pancake...

Monix: How long's that been there Jackie?

Jackie: It's been here a while...

The Man from Toronto: Who's she with?

Teddy: Her friend, Anne. Why?

The Man from Toronto: You didn't tell me about Anne.

Teddy: [''The Man from Toronto sighs and gets uncomfortable''] I didn't know that I had to tell you about Anne. What's the problem?

The Man from Toronto: I get uncomfortable... around women.

The Man from Toronto: You think you know me? I know you. I looked at your little online gym channel. Seven views. With one upload three years ago. And seven views.

Teddy: Yeah. Three comments.

The Man from Toronto: Yeah. You think a low toner got you into this situation? No. Never doing what you say you're gonna do is what got you into this situation.

Teddy: Here's a little secret of mine. I love 19th-century American poetry. It's my hobby.

The Man from Toronto: [[John Keats|Keats] Let's hear some ].

Teddy: You wanna hear her old stuff or her new stuff?

The Man from Toronto: Well, he... died at 25.

Teddy: [''About his minute photos''] What's that, for your little serial killer wall?

The Man From Toronto: You think you'd make the wall? Come on, man. You're barely fridge material.

The Man from Toronto: I was raised by my grandfather on a frozen lake 50 miles from nowhere. He was a kind man. He taught me many useful things.

Caesar: [[mercy] I think you have no ].

The Colonel: You came here to kill me. Were you going to show me mercy?

Caesar: I showed you mercy when I spared your men. I offered you peace and you killed my family.

The Colonel: [[Nature; [arrogance; [PTSD|that the war was too much for him; [clarity; [coward] Mercy. Do you have any idea what your mercy would do to us? You're much stronger than we are. You're smart as hell. No matter what you say, you'd eventually replace us. That's the law of ]. The irony is, we created you. We tried to defy Nature, bend it to our will. Nature has been punishing us for our ] ever since. Ten months ago, I sent out recon units to look for your base. My own son was a soldier with one of the units. One day, he suddenly stopped speaking. He became primitive, like an animal. They contacted me and said that they thought he'd lost his mind, ]. Then the man who cared for him stopped speaking too. Their medic had a theory, before he stopped speaking, that the virus that almost wiped us out, the virus that every human survivor still carries, had suddenly changed. Mutated. And that, if it spread, it would destroy humanity for good this time. Not by killing us, but by robbing us of those things that make us human. Our speech, our higher thinking. It would turn us into beasts. You talk about mercy? What would you have done? It was a moment of ] for me. I realized that I would have to sacrifice my only son, so that humanity could be saved. I held that gun in my hand for a long time... And I pointed it at my only child. He looked at me with trust in his eyes. Even in his primitive gaze, I felt his... love. I pulled the trigger. It purified me. It made my purpose clear. I gave orders to kill the others infected, all of them. Burn their belongings, anything that might spread contamination. Some of the men questioned my judgment. I was asking them to do what I had done, to sacrifice their friends, their family. Of course, they refused. I had them killed too. Others with children deserted into the woods. One of those ]s fled to my superiors up north. They tried to convince me that this plague could be dealt with medically. Thats when I realized that they had learned nothing from our past.

Caesar: You killed them too?

The Colonel: What did I do, Preacher?

Preacher: You severed their heads, sir.

The Colonel: Except for the one I spared so he could return and deliver a message. If they wanted to relieve me of my command, they'd have to meet me here, and do it themselves. This used to be a weapons depot. They turned it into a relocation camp when the crisis was just beginning. But the weapons are all still here, inside the mountain.

Caesar: How many men will be coming?

The Colonel: Probably all of them. But don't get any ideas, the only thing they fear more than me is you apes. This is a holy war. All of human history has led to this moment. If we lose, we'll be the last of our kind. It will be a planet of apes, and we'II become your cattle. Look at you. You think I am sick, don't you? I didn't mean to kill your son. But if his destiny was to inherit your unholy kingdom... I am glad I did.

The Colonel: So emotional! I see how conflicted you are. You are confused in your purpose. You're angry at me for something I did that was an act of war. But you're taking this all much far too personally. What do you think my men would have done to your apes, if you had killed me? Or is killing me more important?

The Colonel: [[Ulysses S. Grant|Grant; [w: Stephen D. Lee|Lee; [Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Wellington; [Napoleon Bonaparte|Napoleon; [w: George Armstrong Custer|Custer; [Sitting Bull] ]...and ]. ]...and ]. ] and ]... You're probably not much of a reader, but this is a big moment. Where were you? We came upon your herd. We got lucky. I was surprised you weren't with them.

Preacher: Hey! Hey! Hey!

The Colonel: I hope you don't come to regret sparing his life. He's quite a good shot. Have you finally come to save your apes?

Caesar: I came for you.

The Colonel: For me? Who did I kill that night?

Caesar: My wife. My son.

The Colonel: I'm sorry. I was there for you. My God. Look at your eyes. Almost human.

Opening Text: [[Rise of the Planet of the Apes|RISE; [Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|DAWN] Fifteen years ago, a scientific experiment gone wrong gave ] to a species of intelligent apes... and destroyed most of humanity with a virus that became known as the Simian Flu. With the ] of a new ape civilization led by Caesar, the surviving humans struggled to coexist... but fighting finally broke out when a rebel ape, Koba, led a vengeful attack against the humans. The humans sent a distress call to a military base in the North where all that remained of the U.S. Army was gathered. A ruthless Special Forces Colonel and his hardened battalion were dispatched to exterminate the apes. Evading capture for the last two years, Caesar is now rumored to be marshaling the fight from a hidden command base in the woods... as the WAR rages on...

Red Ape: I don't fear you. You must fear! How long you think woods can protect you? Humans destroy you. Their Colonel has all power. For them, he more than just human. He everything. He say: "First Caesar die... then all of you die.

Koba: Ape not kill ape.

The Colonel: All of human history has lead to this moment. The irony is we created you. And nature has been punishing us ever since. This is our last stand. And if we lose... it will be a Planet of Apes.

Rocket: Feeling better? Good. Then we can talk about... Escape. Apes together strong!

Mickey Knox: You know, the only thing that kills the demon... is love.

Carson Wells: You don't have to do this. I'm a day trader. I could just go home.

Anton Chigurh: You could?

Wells: I could make it worth your while. I could take you to an ATM with 14 grand in it, and everyone just walks away.

Chigurh: [amused] An ATM.

Wells: I know where the satchel is.

Chigurh: If you knew, you would have it with you.

Wells: I can find it from the riverbank. I know where it is.

Chigurh: I know something better. I know where it's going to be.

Wells: Where's that?

Chigurh: It will be brought to me and placed at my feet.

Wells: You don't know to a certainty. Twenty minutes, it could be here.

Chigurh: I do know to a certainty, and you know what's going to happen now, Carson. You should admit your situation. There would be more dignity in it.

Wells: You go to hell.

Chigurh: All right. Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?

Wells: Do you have any idea how crazy you are?

Chigurh: You mean the nature of this conversation?

Wells: [The phone rings. Wells looks at it briefly before looking back to Chigurh, who shoots him dead. He picks up the phone.] I mean the nature of you. You...You can have the money, Anton.

Llewelyn Moss: Hello?

Anton Chigurh: Yes?

Moss: Is, uh, Carson Wells there?

Chigurh: [glances at Wells' corpse] Not in the sense that you mean. You need to come and see me.

Moss: Who is this?

Chigurh: You know who it is.

Moss: [sighs] Yeah, I know who it is.

Chigurh: You need to talk to me.

Moss: I don't need to talk to you.

Chigurh: I think you do. Do you know where I'm going?

Moss: Why would I care where you're going?

Chigurh: I know where you are.

Moss: Yeah? Where am I?

Chigurh: You're in the hospital across the river. But that's not where I'm going. Do you know where I'm going?

Moss: [quietly] Yeah, I know where you're going. She's not gonna be there.

Chigurh: It won't make a difference if she's there.

Moss: So what are you going up there for?

Chigurh: You know how this is going to turn out, don't you?

Moss: No. Do you?

Chigurh: I think you do, so this is what I'll offer: you bring me the money and I'll let her go. Otherwise she's accountable, the same as you. That's the best deal you're going to get. I won't tell you you can save yourself, because you can't.

Moss: Yeah, I'm goin to bring you somethin', all right. I've decided to make you a special project of mine. You ain't goin to have to look for me at all.

Carson Wells: Buenos días. I'm guessing this isn't the future you had planned for yourself when you first clapped eyes on that money. Don't worry. I'm not the man who's after you.

Llewelyn Moss: I know that. I've seen him.

Wells: You've seen him, and you're not dead?

Moss: What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?

Wells: No, I wouldn't describe him as that.

Moss: How would you describe him?

Wells: I guess I would say he doesn't have a sense of humor.

Carson Wells: You know, I, uh, counted the floors of this building from the street.

Man Who Hires Wells: And?

Wells: Well, there's one missing.

Man Who Hires Wells: We'll look into it.

Man Who Hires Wells: How well do you know Chigurh?

Carson Wells: Well enough.

Man Who Hires Wells: That's not an answer.

Wells: What do you want to know?

Man Who Hires Wells: I'd just like to know your opinion of him in general. Just how dangerous is he?

Wells: Compared to what, bubonic plague? He's bad enough you called me. He's a psychopathic killer, but so what? There's plenty of em around.

Man Who Hires Wells: He killed three men in a motel in Del Rio yesterday, and two others at that colossal goatfuck out in the desert.

Wells: We can stop that.

Man Who Hires Wells: You seem pretty sure of yourself. You've led something of a charmed life, haven't you, Mr. Wells?

Wells: In all honesty, I can't say that charm has had a whole lot to do with it.

Man Who Hires Wells: You know Anton Chigurh by sight. Is that correct?

Carson Wells: Yes, sir. I know him every which way.

Man Who Hires Wells: When did you last see him?

Wells: Uh, November 28th of last year.

Man Who Hires Wells: You seem pretty sure of the date. Did I ask you to sit?

Wells: [sitting down] No sir, but you struck me as a man who wouldn't want to waste a chair.

Tobias Beckett: [Chewbacca makes an affirmative growl] Hey, kid. I'm putting together a crew. You in?

Han Solo: That's yes.

Tobias Beckett: People are predictable.

Tobias Beckett: Let me give you some advice. Assume everyone will betray you, and you will never be disappointed.

Tobias Beckett: If you come with us, you're in this life for good.

Tobias Beckett: Heard about a job. Big shot gangster, putting together a crew.

Billy Hoyle: It is hard God damn work, making something this pretty look like a chump!

Billy Hoyle: I'm in a fuckin zone!

Billy Hoyle: Who you callin a pilgrim motherfucker? Gobble this turkey!

Billy Hoyle: Keep singin guys... My old man was a preacher... I love this shit!

Billy Hoyle: You're too pretty to play basketball, you know that? You got that Z in your fro! Hey man, what are you, the Black Zorro?

Billy Hoyle: Yo, pretty boy! I looked up basketball player in the dictionary and it said Not you!'.

Billy Hoyle: A white man wants to win first, look good second. A black man wants to look good first, win second.

Billy Hoyle: You still putting up bricks? What is this a masons convention? Clang!! Clang!! I need welding torch to play in this leauge. Lets stop right now and gather up all these bricks and build a shelter for the homeless so that your mother will have a place to live. I want your Mother and Sister out of my house immediately !!

Lyndon B. Johnson: Senator Yarborough.

Ralph Yarborough: Mr. Leader, I still don't take a drink. Now, if you've called me in here to ask me about my vote on the Farm Bill, I should tell you that I have not changed my position in the slightest.

Lyndon B. Johnson: No problem, no problem at all. Uh... But listen, while I've got you here, there's only one question I've been meaning to ask you. Have you got shit for brains? What the hell is your problem with this Farm Bill?

Ralph Yarborough: We should be doing a heck of a lot more for people who have less.

Lyndon B. Johnson: The only thing more irritating than a liberal is a liberal from Texas.

Lyndon B. Johnson: I have zero intention of running for President.

Lyndon B. Johnson: You know, about a year ago, my private cook Mrs. Wright, who you know was driving from here down to the ranch in Texas. So I asked her if she would mind bringing my dog, Little Beagle Johnson, with her in order that he could be there when I got home. Mrs. Wright respectfully declined. She said it is hard enough for a black woman driving through the South without having a dog to worry about. Finding a place to eat, to sleep, to use the restroom. The personal cook of the vice president of the United States has to drive through towns without stopping , then squat to pee by the side of the road. Hundred years ago, she would've been a slave. Hundred years from now, hell, she might be... president. But today, we live in a time of too much uncertainty. Where can she eat? Where can she sleep? Can she vote? And if she does, will she be harassed for casting that vote? Can she attend school? If so, which school? Can she travel the cities and towns of this land without fearing for her safety? What rights that belong to the men in this room should not be afforded to her?

Haymitch Abernathy: They aren't very happy with you.

Katniss Everdeen: Why, because I didn't die?

Abernathy: Because you showed them up.

Everdeen: [sarcastic] Well. I'm sorry it didn't go the way they'd planned; you know, I'm not very happy with them either-

Abernathy: Katniss. This is serious. And not just for you. They don't take these things lightly.

Haymitch Abernathy: Good news. At least half the tributes want you as allies.

Peeta Mellark: They saw her shoot.

Haymitch Abernathy: Well, sweetheart, you got your pick of the litter.

Katniss Everdeen: I want Wiress and Beetee.

Peeta Mellark: Johanna calls them "Nuts" and "Volts".

Haymitch Abernathy: OK, good. Who else?

Katniss Everdeen: [Peeta turns away in disapproval] Mags. All right, fine. Then no one.

Haymitch Abernathy: I'll tell them you're still making up your mind.

Haymitch Abernathy: [points to a TV; TV changes] Cashmere and Gloss, brother and sister, District 1. They won back-to-back games, Capitol favorites, lots of sponsors, they will be lethal. and the other half of the career pack, Brutus and Enobaria.

Katniss Everdeen: What's with her teeth?

Haymitch Abernathy: She had them filed into fangs so she could rip people's throats out.

Peeta Mellark: She's committed, I'll give her that.

Haymitch Abernathy: [TV changes; TV changes; TV changes to Finnick Odair] Wiress and Beetee. Not fighters, but brilliant. And weird. Real tech-savvy. He won his games by electrocuting six tributes at once. The Morphlings, masters of camouflage. They won their games by hiding until everyone was dead. Self medicating ever since, which I applaud; not a threat.

Katniss Everdeen: Finnick Odair, right?

Haymitch Abernathy: Yes he won his games at 14, youngest ever. Extremely humble.

Katniss Everdeen: You're kidding.

Haymitch Abernathy: Yes I'm kidding, he's a peacock. A total preener. But he's the Capitol darling, they love him here. Charming, smart, and very skilled in combat, especially in water.

Peeta Mellark: Any weaknesses?

Haymitch Abernathy: One. Mags. She volunteered for Annie. Mags was his mentor and basically raised him. If he's trying to protect her in any way, it exposes him.

Katniss Everdeen: A guy like that should know she's not going to make it. I bet when it really comes down to it, he won't protect her.

Haymitch Abernathy: Well, Katniss, I hope when she goes, she goes quickly. She's actually a wonderful lady.

Romulus Thread: [''raises his whip''] Move. You want another?

Katniss Everdeen: Go ahead.

Haymitch Abernathy: [''hurrying in between them''] Whoah, whoah, whoah!

Romulus Thread: [''aims at Haymitch''] Get out of my way!

Haymitch Abernathy: Y-you don't wanna shoot her.

Romulus Thread: How bout I shoot both of ya?

Haymitch Abernathy: Look, Commander, you're new here. Trust me, I'm trying to help. I'm Haymitch. You recognize her? Katniss Everdeen? Darling of the Capitol?

Romulus Thread: She interfered with a Peacekeeper.

Haymitch Abernathy: I never said she was smart! Look, I- you already got a couple of lashes in-

Romulus Thread: [''jerks his pistol to the right as Peeta approaches him''] That's not good enough; she's an agitator!

Peeta Mellark: Easy. Easy.

Haymitch Abernathy: Look, you sure Snow wants three dead Victors here? Cause that's what we're looking at. It's bad enough that you marked up her face on the eve of the big wedding. Let it go. And we will, too.

Romulus Thread: All right. Okay. But next time, it's the firing squad.

Haymitch Abernathy: Excellent idea.

Romulus Thread: [shouting angrily; turns to the crowd, still shouts; ''turns back to Haymitch''] I don't care who she is. Clear the square! You’re all under curfew! Anyone out after dark will be shot on sight! Get em outta here.

Haymitch Abernathy: Nobody ever wins the Games. Period. There are survivors. There's no winners.

Alan Isaacman: Larry, thousands of people petition the Supreme Court, okay? Thousands.

Larry Flynt: Yeah, and our case is as good as any.

Alan Isaacman: Our case is better than most, you're missing my point, and that is they will never pick you. Because you're a nightmare. They're afraid if they let you in there, you're gonna wear a diaper, or throw oranges at the justices, and they should be, Larry, because in all the times you've gone to the court asking for help, you've never once demonstrated any respect for its institutions and procedures.

Simon Leis: Mr. Flynt, can you please turn to page 77? Can you describe to the jury what is on that page, please sir?

Larry Flynt: [[w:Santa Claus|Santa Claus] It's a picture of ].

Simon Leis: What is Santa Claus doing?

Larry Flynt: He's talking to Mrs. Claus, and holding in his hand what appears to be a large, erect penis.

Simon Leis: And could you read the caption underneath that cartoon, please?

Larry Flynt: This is what I've got to ho-ho-ho about.

Mantke Clerk: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help yo God?

Larry Flynt: No.

Judge Mantke: No?

Larry Flynt: [[w:atheism|I'm an atheist] Your honor, ]. I can't very well, uh, swear to a God I don't believe exists.

Judge Mantke: Mr. Flynt, you are a handful.

Larry Flynt: I know, your honor.

Alan Isaacman: [''On the phone''] Listen, I'm sitting here with the eminently reasonable District Attorney of the state of Georgia. Right. He's very impressed by your conversion, he wants to cut us a plea bargain.

Larry Flynt: A plea bargain? Because I've found God?

Alan Isaacman: Larry, listen to me for a second: Don't argue with me on this, okay? Just say yes because I've pulled a lot of strings to make this happen.

Larry Flynt: Is he sitting there with you?

Alan Isaacman: Yes, he is.

Larry Flynt: Would you do me a favor? Just tell that miserable old gray-haired bastard to go fuck himself, we're going to trial.

Alan Isaacman: Okay, right.

Larry Flynt: Oh, and praise the lord.

Alan Isaacman: You don't see me running around, pissing off everybody we're trying to get to help us.

Larry Flynt: Yeah, well, you can walk and you can fuck and I'm in this chair! And I got money, okay, and I got money and that gives me the power to shake up this system.

Alan Isaacman: Well, find somebody else to help you then, because, this is not what I signed on for. I don't even know what we're engaged in anymore, Larry. If you get on that plane, I quit.

Larry Flynt: Alan, don't be so melodramatic. You don't wanna quit me. I'm your dream client: I'm the most fun, I'm rich and I'm always in trouble.

Mantke Clerk: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?

Larry Flynt: No.

Judge Thomas Alva Mantke: No?

Larry Flynt: Your Honor, I'm an atheist. I can't very well, uh, swear to a God I don't believe exists.

Judge Thomas Alva Mantke: Mr. Flynt, you are a handful.

Larry Flynt: I know, Your Honor.

Althea: I had an epiphany once, Larry.

Larry Flynt: What was that?

Althea: When my daddy shot my entire family in the head and I was the only one to identify the bodies, and I was sent to an orphanage full of good Christian nuns who shoved my face into their pussies with their cruxifixes on for eight goddamn years!

Althea Leasure: Larry?

Larry Flynt: Yeah?

Althea Leasure: Take off your pants.

Larry Flynt: [''Grins''] What?

Althea Leasure: Take off your pants.

Larry Flynt: Why?

Althea Leasure: [''Shows him the profit sheet''] Because I've never fucked a millionaire before.

Larry Flynt: [''To his parents while showing them around his new mansion during [[w:Independence Day (United States)|a 4th of July party] Do you know how many rooms I have here?

Pa Flynt: How many?

Larry Flynt: Twenty four rooms, do you know who else has twenty four rooms?

Pa Flynt: [[w:President of the United States|The president?] ]

Larry Flynt: [[w:Hugh Hefner|Hugh Hefner] ]

Larry Flynt: [''Looking at the first issue of the Hustler newsletter''] What'd you think?

Jimmy Flynt: How much do they cost?

Larry Flynt: [shakes his head] Will you forget money for one second! What'd you think?

Jimmy Flynt: What I think depends on how much they cost.

Larry Flynt: This is the first Hustler newsletter. It's all for the man on the go and man-about-town. Here's news service and pictures.

Jimmy Flynt: It's a magazine. How are you going to pay for that?

Larry Flynt: Don't interrupt me when I'm talking!

Althea: [''Flipping through [[w:Playboy (magazine)|an issue of Playboy] Her tits look nice

Larry Flynt: They look nice but they don't look real. I don't understand this magazine fuzzy pictures, articles on I don't know what the hell their talking about.

Larry Flynt: [''Frustrated at the stills photographer''] Look, we're not running a flower shop here. We're selling the girl. So stop playing with all the props and pillows and flowers and just shoot the girl.

Stills Photographer: [''To the model during a photo shoot''] Let's go for the leg thing spread your legs a little wider.

Larry Flynt: [''Walks up to the model and spreads her legs even wider''] There, that's exactly what we want, that's perfect a woman's vagina has just as much personality as her face.

Stills Photographer: But you can't show the genitalia.

Larry Flynt: [''Disappointed, confused''] Why not?

Jimmy Flynt: He's right. Legally, you can't show it.

Larry Flynt: [''To Jimmy''] Shut up. Are you religious man?

Stills Photographer: Yeah.

Larry Flynt: You believe God created man?

Stills Photographer: Yeah.

Larry Flynt: And God created woman?

Stills Photographer: Yeah.

Larry Flynt: Surely the same God created her vagina, and who are you to defy God? Just shoot it.

Blow Dried Jerk: [[w:Ronald Reagan|Reagan; [w:Political positions of Ronald Reagan|has rebuilt America and the moral majority is gaining power] Uh, Mr. Flynt? I don't wanna step on your toes, but things have changed since you were actively running the company. I mean, I look back at the stuff you did in the 70s, and it was, uh, sorta racy and crazy. But the country is different now. ] ].

Larry Flynt: You're fired.

Blow Dried Jerk: Excuse me?

Larry Flynt: You get the fuck out of my building. Doug, get him out of here. You blow-dried jerk motherfucker. Take him out of here and throw him in the incinerator, cut him to little pieces and feed him to the animals out there. Get out of here!

Larry Flynt: [''Walking past protesters protesting outside his strip club''] Thank you all for coming. Welcome to my establishment, we welcome Christians in here too.

Larry Flynt: These are my friends - lots of money, lots of friends.

Larry Flynt: What is more obscene: Sex or war?

Larry Flynt: Opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one.

Larry Flynt: I think the real obscenity comes from raisin our youth to believe that sex is bad and ugly and dirty and yet it is heroic to go spill guts and blood in the most ghastly manner in the name of humanity. With all the taboos attached to sex, it's no wonder we have the problems we have. It's no wonder we're angry and violent and genocidal. But ask yourself the question. What is more obscene? Sex or war?

Larry Flynt: [''Incredulous after prison sentence''] Twenty-five years? All I'm guilty of is bad taste.

Larry Flynt: Why do I have to go to jail to protect your freedom?

Larry Flynt: I got money, which gives me the power to shake up the system.

Larry Flynt: [''to Alan''] You don't want to quit me, I'm your dream client: I'm the most fun, I'm rich, and I'm always in trouble.

Larry Flynt: If you don't like Hustler magazine, don't read it.

Larry Flynt: [[w:First Amendment to the United States Constitution|the First Amendment] If ] will protect a scumbag like me, it will protect all of you.

Mr. Bruner: Are you having a problem today, Nadine?

Nadine: Several. I don't really have any friends at the moment.

Mr. Bruner: [reading Nadine’s message; pause, awkward] You’re complicated and simple. I feel this connection between us. I feel like I already know you.” This is kinda sweet. I think you’re over-reacting. “I’ll give you head. I want you to put your mouth on my tits. I want to feel you inside me. We can do it in the Petland stockroom.

Nadine: Oh my God. Say something! Please help me!

Mr. Bruner: You need to watch out for run-on sentences.

Nadine: Hey.

Mr. Bruner: Busy.

Nadine: I don't wanna take up a ton of your time, but I'm gonna kill myself. I just thought an adult should know.

Mr. Bruner: Life's about taking risks. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

Mr. Bruner: Wow. I actually was writing my own suicide note just now. “I have 32 fleeting minutes of happiness during lunch, which has been eaten up again and again by the same especially badly dressed student, and I finally thought I would rather have the dark nothingness. It sounds so relaxing. Have a nice life without me, fuckers.”

Bill Murray: [after Columbus shoots him] Is that how you say hello where you come from?

Columbus: [realizing] Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray.

Tallahassee: Mr. Murray?

Bill Murray: I'm just Bill, I think, now.

Tallahassee: Bill?

Bill Murray: Yeah?

Tallahassee: [pokes at Bill's wound] I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this.

Bill Murray: Ah. That's still tender.

Tallahassee: You think you might pull through?

Bill Murray: No.

Columbus: If it means anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive.

Bill Murray: It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker.

Little Rock: So do you have any regrets?

Bill Murray: [[w:Garfield: The Movie|Garfield; gives a long exhale, like a death rattle...then inhales and does another one before he dies] ], maybe.

Wichita: [suddenly starts snorting and laughing softly, everyone looks at her] I'm sorry, he just gets me...but it's very sad.

Columbus: Yeah.

Tallahassee: [shocked] Bill Murray, you're a zombie?

Bill Murray: [cries in pain] Ow, I'm on fire! Ouch!

Tallahassee: [surprised] You're not a zombie, you're talking and...You're okay?

Bill Murray: The hell I am!

Wichita: [also surprised] I'm sorry. I didn't know it was...It was "you" you.

Tallahassee: Are you...? What's with the get-up?

Bill Murray: Oh, I do it to blend in. You know. Zombies don't mess with other zombies. Buddy of mine, makeup guy, he showed me how to do this. Corn starch. You know, some berries, a little licorice for the ladies. Suits my lifestyle, you know. I like to get out and do stuff. Just played nine holes on the Riviera. Just walked on. Nobody there.

Tallahassee: [growing excited] Goddamn it! Bill-Fucking-Murray! I had to get that out. I don't mean to gush. This is so surreal. I mean, you probably get this all the time. Maybe not lately, but I'm such a huge fan of yours. You know, I swear, I've seen every one of your movies a million times. I even loved your dramatic roles and just everything. Six people left in the world and one of them is Bill-Fucking-Murray. I know that's not your middle name. I've been watching you since I was like...Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected. I gratefully respect you.

Little Rock: No Twinkies.

Tallahassee: Shit! Fuck!

Wichita: See, I told you we should've gone to Russell Crowe's, but nobody ever listens to me!

Columbus: Hey, for fuck's sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don't have enough problems. "Oh, they stole my Hummer. Oh, we have trust issues." Well get over it! We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass Americans? Fuck me.

Tallahassee: Whoa.

Columbus: I know.

Columbus: Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story?

Tallahassee: [[w:Cliff Clavin|a guy] No. I knew ] way worse at that than me.

Columbus: You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?

Tallahassee: Back east, yeah?

Columbus: Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing?

Tallahassee: Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year.

Columbus: There are no penguins on the North Pole.

Tallahassee: You wanna feel how hard I can punch?

Columbus: You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are, both uh...east.

Tallahassee: So?

Columbus: So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? At least - at least for a while?

Tallahassee: Here's the deal, Columbus. Uh, I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch, so, uh, I'll get this relationship to about Texarkana.

Columbus: Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana.

Tallahassee: You're a peppy little spit fuck, aren't you?

Columbus: You might wanna buckle up, you know for safety.

Tallahassee: I can tell already, you are gonna get on my nerves.

Tallahassee: [looking through a fried-Twinkie stand] Where are ya, ya spongy yellow delicious bastards?! Where are ya?!

Tallahassee: [about Columbus, after seeing him kiss Wichita] Finally got to first base. Not bad for that scrawny little spit-fuck.

Tallahassee: [silently crying about losing his 3-year-old son to the zombies; [w:Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic] I haven't cried like that since ].

Tallahassee: There's a box of Twinkies in that Grocery Store. Not just any Twinkies, the last box of Twinkies that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe. believe it or not, Twinkies have an expiration date, and someday soon, life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go...empty.

Tallahassee: My momma always told me "Someday you'll be good at somethin'." Who'd have guessed that somethin would be zombie killin'?

Tallahassee: Time to nut up or shut up.

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: [last words] I wanted your friendship...

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: I’m a killer. With or without the monster, Eddie.

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: I have tasted blood before, my friend, and that is not it. Eddie's got a secret!

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: I'm not a crazy man. I am a vengeful one.

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine.

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: Welcome back, Eddie Brock. It's been a long time. I miss you... so much!

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: I've been thinking about you, Eddie, because you and I are the same.

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: Something.... wicked.... this way... COMES!

Cletus Kasady / Carnage: Soon come chaos. Chaos soon come.

Tommy Bollinger: A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!

Tommy Bollinger: [repeated line] Still not gay?