Lilo & Stitch

Understanding Family Dynamics in Lilo & Stitch

Jumba Who is Mai-mai and Pai-pai?

Lilo That's Mama and Papa's room!

[bursting in]

Jumba Oh! That makes a lot more sense.

[blasts the door with his blaster and smirks evilly]

Lilo Stop it, or else!

[threateningly]

Jumba Or else what? What are you gonna do?

[walks closer to her]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

A Humorous Exchange on Aggression and Flirting

Eric Montclare Luke, why don't you shut up before my fist makes an appointment with your ass?

Luke Eric, do you notice you're always talking about sticking something in my ass, and that time it wasn't even a threat, technically, that was flirting.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Little Fish, Strange Pond

Unexpected Purchases at the Store

Bucky $9.95.

Customer And a jar of vaseline.

Bucky Big night planned, do ya?

Customer I guess so.

Bucky The vaseline's on the house.

Sweet Stephen You ever notice there's three types of porn?

Mr. Jack Strangely enough, I've never given it a thought.

Sweet Stephen You've got your old-school smut- ], ], ]. This was before ] and ], so they really had to know how to fuck.

Customer Thank you, Bucky.

Sweet Stephen Then you've got your next wave of porn, okay? ], ]- ]. Oh, I have yet to mention... ah! ]. The plotlines got weaker but ] go bigger.

Mr. Jack Fascinating.

Sweet Stephen Which leads me to our third kind: a montage- no plotline at all.

Mr. Jack What a wonderful dissertation.

Sweet Stephen But through it all, I've seen one common denominator.

Mr. Jack Cheesy music?

Sweet Stephen No, one consistent factor.

Mr. Jack Is this your conclusion?

Sweet Stephen ].

[[w:Ron Jeremy|Ron Jeremy]

Mr. Jack Excuse me?

Sweet Stephen Ron fucking Jeremy, the ] of ].

[[w:Cary Grant|Cary Grant; [w:Human penis|penises]

Mr. Jack A poet, that's what you are.

Sweet Stephen Why, thank you. Of course, now with the internet, the girls are-

Mr. Jack Oy! Aren't you a little young to be in here?!

Customer I'm a midget.

Mr. Jack Midgets! We were just talking about you people! Stephen heel. Come her. Ha, nice lad. Have fun. Ah, youth.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

Scars and Their Unexciting Origins

Inga Tell me where did you get these scars?

Luke Oh lets see. Skateboard, truck accident, and a fire hydrant.

Inga I bet each one has its own exciting story, no?

Luke No, not really. I skateboarded off a truck into a fire hydrant.

Inga I never met an American boy before, are you all so, wild?

Luke Yeah, we have a saying around here, "no brains, no headache.

Inga We have saying in Switzerland too, "no swimsuit, no tan lines.

Luke Thank you.

[Looking towards the sky; whispers]

Luke We have another saying around here.

Inga Uh huh, what's that?

Luke I don't know.

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Out Cold

A Call for Sensitivity and Leadership

Luke A little sensitivity here. Can't you see this is a dejected man? Now Rick, get your dejected head out of your ass. Papa Muntz wanted you to run this mountain.

[punches Pig Pen]

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Out Cold

Clarifying the Hierarchy of the Mountain

Luke Maybe we should clarify something. When you won the race last night, that made you king of the mountain. Not king of the no-ball-pussy-losers. They already have their own king. My brother.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

Unexpected Treasures in a Stolen Wallet

Rick And as an added bonus you also win the contents of Eric's stolen wallet. Which are Luke...?

Luke Two bucks, Condom, ...expiration date 1997. And a picture of his grandmoth- ...nope that's uh ...Nancy Reagan.

Rick And most importantly, pushing, shoving and cheating are encouraged.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Due Date

Engagement News Takes a Dark Turn

Ethan Tremblay Give me a scene.

Peter Highman Okay, I'm Julia Roberts. We are engaged to be married. You have terminal cancer. Break the news to me.

Ethan Tremblay Julia Roberts, as you know, we are engaged to be married. I have terminal cancer.

Peter Highman Awful, just awful. I didn't buy into that one bit.

Ethan Tremblay I thought that was really good.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

G-Force

Unexpected Betrayal Revealed in G-Force

Speckles Hello, Darwin.

[deep voice; maniacally]

Darwin Speckles, you're alive! You (even) infiltrated the bad guy's lair! Where is he?

[happily; proudly]

Speckles I am the bad guy. What? You really think I let myself get killed in a garbage truck? Ha! Well, I hid in a soup can, and rode it all the way to the city dump. And it was stinky.

[deep voice; normal voice]

Juarez Speckles?

[surprised]

Blaster I can't believe the mole was the mole.

Speckles Actually, you may call me Mr. Yanshu.

Ben No.

Speckles Business associate of Leonard Saber.

Darwin You tricked Saber into helping you build a Clusterstorm? How could you do this to us? I thought we were friends. I put my life on the line for you.

[confused; disappointed]

Saber Yanshu was in my basement this whole time?

Ben Yeah, and he wasn't a man. He was a mole.

Speckles Yanshu" is the Chinese word for mole! Sabersense was just a cover. I created an army of robotic appliances, and they created an array of giant electromagnetic nodes... Nodes capable of pulling down all the space junk orbiting the planet, and driving every human underground. So, what do you think?

[laughs evilly]

Darwin You've betrayed us. You! You sabotaged our presentation.

Speckles Extermination virus. Nasty stuff.

Darwin Speckles, why?

Speckles You ever Google the word "mole" Darwin? Three million entries. Not on how to care for em, or love em, or pet em. NO! Three million entries on how to exterminate them! The humans came and destroyed our home.

[Flashbacks shows the exterminators attacking his home and his family]

Speckles's Father Son, If you ever get the chance to bring mankinds to its knees, do it.

Speckles They showed us no mercy, Darwin. Well, now it's my turn to do a little pest control. If you'll excuse me... it's showtime. GOING UP!!!!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

The Importance of Second Chances

Jumba Look, look, look, look! I had a pretty bad *Ohana* growing up. That's not an excuse. I just don't give it a little context.

Lilo A hui hou, hairy potato.

[smirks; waves; activities Jumba's human camouflage device]

Jumba Okay, okay, okay. And I can't propose that sometimes we need second chances. And that's just when I-- Wait, no!

[gets ejected, due to him turning into his human form, and is sent flying into the deep ocean below, screaming]

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Lilo & Stitch

Monstrous Yet Adorable: A Contradiction Explained

Jumba Why don't you just admit that your little friend is a dangerous, freakish monster?!

[to Lilo; frustrated about her caring for Stitch]

Stitch Also cute and fluffy!

[as Lilo presses the correct button, freeing him]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

Embracing a Life Without Regrets

Luke No regrets, that's my motto. Well... that and everybody Wang Chung tonight.

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Lilo & Stitch

Genetic Experimentation and Its Consequences

Grand Councilwoman We have apprehended a dangerous threat in one of our very own labs. Quiet! We believe that this… this… monstrosity… is the product of illegal genetic experimentation.

[first lines; the alien council gasps in horror; Experiment 626, a blue koala-like alien with four arms, two antennas on his head, three spikes on his back, and wearing a red jumpsuit, reveals himself in the canister as he wakes up]

Robot What deranged lunatic would create something like this?

Jumba I prefer "deranged genius," but thank you for the introduction.

[brought in by two intergalactic soldiers, handcuffed; clears throat]

Grand Councilwoman Dr. Jumba Jookiba, you were tasked with safely studying biological threats, not creating them.

Jumba A threat? Experiment 626 is our Federation's most sophisticated weapon. 626 is unstoppable… indestructible… smarter than 100 super computers!

[626 is seen breaking out of the canister with incredible strength; we see 626 getting zap by laser ...more like tickling him since he is fireproof and bulletproof]

626 Tooba. (translation: "Checkmate.")

[now seen playing a game of chess with him]

Jumba Gah, I don't wanna play anymore!!!

[frustrated, while knocking away the chess pieces]

Alien Council Members It's an atrocity! Destroy it! I can't even look at him! He should be exiled.

Grand Councilwoman Silence! He did not ask to be created. Perhaps, if he is so intelligent, he has the capacity to reason. Experiment 626, show us that there is something inside you that is good.

[a microphone appears in the canister before 626]

626 Meega nala kweesta! (translation: "I want to destroy!")

[climbs down, walks up to the microphone like a shy child and clears his throat, everyone waits, Jumba glances at his creation and the court anxiously...after a moment of silence; speaks into the microphone; The whole alien council gasps in shock as he cackles wickedly]

Grand Councilwoman So naughty!

Robot Throwing up. Throwing up.

[while barfing out bolts and screws]

Jumba I did not teach him that.

[embarrassed]

Grand Councilwoman You have made our decision easy. He is clearly the flawed product of a deranged mind. Dr. Jookiba, your lab will be destroyed.

Jumba Okay, just leave me 626.

[shrugs; not caring]

Grand Councilwoman And 626 exiled.

Jumba Oh, come on!

[disappointed]

Grand Councilwoman Bailiff!

Jumba Wait! No, no, no, no! You can't do that! NOOOOO!!!

[shocked; The experiment's canister get taken away downward, much to his horror]

Cell Manager Don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They're not gonna shoot anyone but you. Knock it off! Federation strictly forbids to be gross. Don't make me say-- Uh-oh. AHH!

[chuckles; 626 struggles and the guns move; He stops and thinks, looks at the two guns and they move; He gets an idea by drooling his spit and the guns aim but he slurps it back up before he does it again; 626 spits saliva at the Manager's face mask and the guns aim at him, much to his notice; removes his mask helmet and runs for it to save himself]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

Interception of a Critical Communication

Grand Councilwoman We just intercepted a call from human authorities. Do you realize what you have done?

Pleakley Nope.

[innocently]

Grand Councilwoman Play the recording. And take off that ridiculous hat.

[Pleakley obliges as he takes off the shower cap]

Cobra Bubbles Code 51. We found something. Confirm.

[on recording]

Grand Councilwoman And not only that you alerted the humans about our existence, but you still haven't captured 626!

Jumba Grand Councilwoman, will all due respect, I'm not sure you know what's going on with 626. We have found, um… a glitch… Which is making it a little harder to get him off this planet. But don't worry, I'm sure I can figure out--

Grand Councilwoman Enough! You're a glitch, you buffoon. I have had enough, Dr. Jookiba. You have exhausted my patience! Consider our deal terminated!

Jumba WHAT?!

[shocked]

Grand Councilwoman No tantrums, Agent Pleakley is hereby deputize to detain you under Federation orders and escort you back to Turo immediately. Uh, hello?

[beats]

Pleakley Now? Right now?

Grand Councilwoman No, later.

Jumba You cannot do this to my work!!!!

Grand Councilwoman That is not a debate. A Federation detail is on its way to clean up your mess.

[hangs up]

Pleakley Did she hang up? Jumba?

[after getting out of the bathtub, while putting on his bathrobe]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

Confrontation Over Experiment 626's Fate

Nani Stay behind me, Lilo. Get back. Get back.

Pleakley Don't worry. They're just scanning for deadly parasites.

Grand Councilwoman We're here to retrieve this dangerous experiment. Soldiers, take 626 into custody.

Lilo No! Hey! Leave him alone! Let him stay!

[as Stitch gets handcuffed while Nani tries to hold her back, preventing her from interfering; protesting]

Grand Councilwoman I'm afraid I can't allow that. This creature poses a threat to your species. We are sorry for what transpired here. Rest assured, those responsible will be brought to justice.

Jumba Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! How dare you treat a scientific genius like this! Hey, Grand Councilwoman, can you-- Ow! Oh! My precious brain.

[gets lifted off the sea by the spaceship while being re-arrested, and back in his original alien form; last words; gets clonked on the head]

Grand Councilwoman As for 626--

Stitch Stitch.

[interrupting]

Grand Councilwoman What?

[confused]

Stitch My name Stitch.

Grand Councilwoman Stitch, then.... will be--

Stitch Can Stitch say goodbye?

Grand Councilwoman Yes.

[surprised and hesitantly]

Stitch Thank you.

[walks over to Lilo]

Lilo Come here, Stitch. We're gonna to miss you.

[hugs Stitch]

Grand Councilwoman Who are these people?

[surprised]

Stitch This is my family. I found it all on my own. It's little a-and broken, but still good. Yeah. Still good.

[smiles at Lilo and Nani who smiles back]

Pleakley Grand Councilwoman? Can we leave Stitch with his new family?

Grand Councilwoman Absolutely not. The Council would require supervision, and who would possibly want to stay on this dilapidated mosquito farm?

Pleakley Oh, oh! Me! Me! ME!

[excitedly]

Grand Councilwoman Ha! Ridiculous. I cannot risk the global panic that would ensue if this were to become public.

Cobra Bubbles What if it didn't?

[stepping up]

Pleakley Oh! Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! He's CIA. He's very good at keeping secrets.

Grand Councilwoman Our reconnaissance said you were going to tell your superiors about this. How could I ever trust you to keep it a secret?

Cobra Bubbles Your Highness... you have my word.

[stepping up to her and shakes her hand to seal the deal]

Grand Councilwoman Hmmm. You all have shown me that there is good inside this creature. However, I cannot reverse the council's decision. Experiment 626 has been sentence to life in exile. A sentence that would be henceforth served.... here on Earth.

[after studying his face for a moment and nods; Everyone, even Stitch, felt sad at the fact that he might not be allowed to stay after all; until...; smiles; Everyone were overwhelmed with joy and Stitch's handcuffs falls off and he happily runs into Lilo's arms]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Up in the Air

Identity and the Nature of Work

Steve Who the fuck are you, man?

[on the verge of tears]

Ryan Excellent question. Who the fuck am I? Poor Steve has worked here for seven years. He's never had a meeting with me before, or passed me in the hall, or told me a story in the break room. And that's because I don't work here. I work for another company that lends me out to pussies like Steve's boss, who don't have the balls to sack their own employees, and in some cases, for good reason. Because people do crazy shit when they get fired.

[voiceover]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

Conflicted Loyalties in Unlikely Friendship

Jumba What's the plan, 626? Say you escaped the Federation. You think you're gonna just stay here with her? Live happily ever after on Earth? You're built to destroy 626, and you have! Look what's happened since you got here. Her family is falling apart. Let's just be honest. The only reason you picked her at that animal shelter was for your own protection.

Lilo Is that true, Stitch?

Jumba See, I don't think that's bad. I don't think anything you do is bad. I think it's genius. If you care about this little girl at all, you'll leave her here.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Campaign

Humorous Misadventures with Fireflies and Farts

Dylan Huggins One time I put a firefly in my butthole.

Marty Huggins Why?

[horrified]

Dylan Huggins So I could see my farts glow.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dinner for Schmucks

A Request for Pudding Acceptance

Therman I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

A Longstanding Crush on a Bench

Luke He's had a crush on that bench for years....Did you enjoy your nap?

[Pig Pen wakes up from humping a bench in his sleep]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

Questioning Polar Bear and STD Connection

Luke Can you get an STD from a polar bear?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

Jumba Asserts Control Over the Situation

Jumba It's time to do this my way.

[trapping Pleakley in the janitor's closet, after the Grand Councilwoman cancels their deal for failing to catch Stitch]

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Out Cold

Postponing Drinks for Responsibilities

Luke Let's go have a drink everybody.

Rick Actually I have to turn in. I have to give Mr. Mays a snowboarding lesson.

Luke Yeah I've got fag practice in the morning so I understand.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Out Cold

A Dance Invitation with a Twist

Luke There you are, I've been looking for you, come inside, you look so beautiful and I wanted to see if you wanted to dance. Not you, him and his white tuxedo.

[drunk; Anna walks up]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

Strange Animal Incident at Local Wedding

Stephanie Lum Aloha, I'm Stephanie Lum. Breaking news on a strange situation last night. A local tour bus ran over an unidentified wild animal who terrorized a wedding. The creature is recovering at the Nā Mea Ola Animal Rescue. More on that at 10:00, and hear from the wedding photographer…

Jumba Bingo.

[whispering to Pleakley, believing that 626 is now at the animal rescue center]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Dinner for Schmucks

Power Dynamics in a Brainwashed Encounter

Barry I know everything! I have laid eggs... *inside of your brain*!

Therman Get them out of my head!

Barry You are no longer in control of me! I control you, and you are under my power!

Barry I know everything. And I release you!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Lilo & Stitch

A Desperate Situation Calls for Genius

Jumba Oh, look what a pickle we've got here. If only there were a brilliant genius around to help you catch that monster.

[appearing while being escorted by two Federation soldiers; chuckles]

Grand Councilwoman You! You're the reason we're in this mess!

[enraged]

Jumba And I can get you out, if you release me and give me back my lab.

Grand Councilwoman Nonsense, we'll simply vaporize the planet. Captain?

Captain/Pink Alien Girl Armed and ready, Councilwoman.

[excitedly]

Pleakley Hold it! Hold everything! Excuse me, pardon me. You can't destroy the planet!

[appearing; dressed up as a cowboy]

Captain/Pink Alien Girl Aw, man!

[disappointed]

Grand Councilwoman Uh, who is this?

Pleakley Agent Pleakley, Earth Expert, at your service. Howdy.

[tips his hat]

Grand Councilwoman Earth expert?

Pleakley I'm an expert of all planets, flora, fauna and fashion.

Jumba Yeah, his outfit screams "expert".

[sarcastically]

Pleakley Oh, yeah. I'm researching Earth species that's half cow and half boy. It's very fascinating.

Grand Councilwoman Yes, marvelous. What's your point?

Pleakley Oh, uh, Earth is a protected wildlife preserve. Yeah. We've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population.

Grand Councilwoman Crikey. Very well, Dr. Jookiba, you will travel to Earth where you will capture the escaped lab experiment known as 626. Agent Pleakley, you will be going with him. You are deputized to ensure he follows Federation rules.

[sighs; Jumba smirks; to Pleakley]

Jumba What?! I don't need a babysitter--

[disbelieved]

Grand Councilwoman This is all very dangerous and it's quite frankly, you'll die. Do you accept?

[Pleakley looks disbelieved and took off his hat]

Pleakley With every heart in my body, Of course I accept! I'm going to Earth!!!

[excitedly]

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Tensions Rise Over Publicity Decisions

Jake Thanks for coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Were expecting some great pieces. Guys in publicity now want a Times feature, which is the worst idea right now. What are you doing?

[sighs; takes a deep breath, then looks up at Riggan]

Riggan I don't want to look at this anymore.

[takes down a Birdman poster]

Jake That was a present from the crew. Don't fuck with those guys. They're union.

Riggan I don't care.

Jake How'd it go?

Riggan Good.

Jake They talk about Ralph at all? He did it, you know. The motherfucker did it. Threatened to sue us. Didn't even wait to get out of the hospital.

Riggan What'd you say?

Jake What did I say?

Riggan Shit. Goddamn it. Where am I gonna put this?

[unable to find a good spot for the poster]

Jake I said, "You motherfucker, are you threatening me?" I swear to God, I so much as get a letter from a lawyer, then the press is gonna get the pictures off your computer. That's what I said.

Riggan What pictures?

Jake He has a thing for nuns in diapers. Why do you care? You shouldn't have any knowledge of that, anyway. The point is, I made it go away.

Riggan That's right. That's great.

Jake Yeah, it is fantastic, except one thing.

Riggan What?

Jake We don't have an actor.

Riggan Uh-huh.

Jake And if we cancel the first preview, the press is gonna smell blood, and we can't afford to lose any more money at all.

Riggan Okay, what do you think I should do?

Jake Well, we hired an understudy. Let's use the understudy.

Riggan No.

Jake Riggan, listen to me. Please, for the love of God, listen. Our perfect dream actor is not gonna knock on that door and go, "Hey, fellas, when do I start?" You know?

[someone knocks on the door]

Lesley Can I talk to you for a second?

Riggan Yeah, what's up?

Lesley Did you find another actor?

Riggan No.

Lesley Okay, well, Mike's available.

Riggan He is?

Lesley Mm-hmm.

Jake Mike who?

Riggan I thought he was doing the thing...

Lesley He was. He quit...or got fired.

Jake Mike who?

Riggan Which is it, Quit or Fired?

Lesley Well, with Mike, it's usually both.

Jake Mike fucking who?

Lesley Shiner.

Jake YES!

Riggan Jake.

Jake Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?

Lesley We share a vagina.

Riggan You think he'd want to do it?

Lesley Mm-hmm.

Jake How do you know?

Lesley Cause he told me he'd want to do it.

Riggan Jake, Jake.

Jake Yes! Yes. Ask me if he sells tickets.

Riggan Fine, does he sell tickets?

Jake He sells a shitload of tickets.

Riggan Okay.

Jake Now ask me if the theater critics love him.

Riggan Do theater critics love him?

Jake They want to spooge on him.

Riggan Hey.

[to Jake, offended]

Jake Lesley.

Lesley Right on his face.

Jake Everything for a reason, right?

Riggan You think he'd come in this evening?

Lesley I'll call him and find out.

Jake I'll call his agent. Oh, baby. Amazing, amazing. Annie? Clear the theater, send everyone to dinner and give me some lights. We got a put-in tonight.

[kisses Lesley; whispering; walks downstairs]

Annie Who?

Jake You'll find out.

Out Cold

Contradictory Feelings About Coffee and Nature

Luke You know I hate what they're doing to the mountain, but this is the best vanilla latte I have ever had. You can actually taste the vanilla beans... I don't like the coffee.

Out Cold

Rules and Guidelines in Conversation

Luke Rule number one. You do not talk about king of the mountain. Rule number two. There are no rules.

Anthony Uhh...what about rule number one?

Luke That's more of a guideline than a rule. Do NOT interrupt.

The Hangover Part II

Humor in Universal Situations

Alan Garner When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language.

Out Cold

A Humorous Take on Restrictions and Enjoyment

Luke Well, yeah it doesn't really allow my dice to roll and by dice I mean testicles. Speaking of testicles, let me get a beer.

Lilo & Stitch

A Simple Goodnight Exchange

Jumba Nighty-night, 626.

626 Jumba?

Lilo & Stitch

Debate on Danger and Cuteness

Jumba Why would he protect her like that?

[lying on the bed while recovering from his injuries]

Pleakley You don't think they're kind of cute together?

[bathing in the tub]

Jumba He's not a pet. He's an experiment and a dangerous one of that.

Pleakley I just think he's a lot cuter than you think he is dangerous.

Jumba He has sharp teeth, he has claws, I designed him to be dangerous.

Pleakley Dangerously cute.

Lilo & Stitch

Intergalactic Mission and Earthly Distractions

Grand Councilwoman Do not let the Earthlings discover your mission, or I will be forced to intervene.

Pleakley This is a dream vacay. I have so much packing to do!

Jumba Well, well, well, 626. What hideous, pathetic planet is caught in your crosshairs?

Out Cold

Suit Constraints and Personal Discomfort

Luke This suit is really cramping my Hardy Boys. It's no mystery.

The Campaign

Family Expectations and Personal Apologies

Marty Huggins I'll tell you this, I'll make you proud. I will. I'll make you - I'll make you real proud.

Raymond Huggins I'd say there's mathematically zero percent chance of that happening. Your brother Tripp is a bullseye. But you look Richard Simmons crapped out a goddamn hobbit.

Marty Huggins Dad, if you're still holding a grudge because I wore Crocs to Mom's funeral... like I've told you a thousand times, I'm sorry. Mom would've wanted it that way. She was casual.

Zach Galifianakis Quotes

Memorable Quotes from Zach Galifianakis

find it. watch it.