17 Again Quotes

Taglines Back to High School

Mike O Donnell The divorce isn't final for another two weeks, so you have no right.

Scarlett O'Donnell Really? I spent the last 18 years of my life listening to you whine about what you could have done without me, and I have no right?

Mike O Donnell It's just that I put a lot of work in this yard.

Scarlett O'Donnell Did you? Really? Like the barbecue pit? Yeah, the way I remember that is that you spent about an hour working on it and then you spent the next two days complaining about how "If you had gone to college then you could have had hired someone else to do it".

Mike O Donnell I don't think it was a whole two days...

Scarlett O'Donnell What about the hammock over here?

Mike O Donnell Yeah...

Scarlett O'Donnell Yeah, I think you quit that one because you just decided not to try anymore.

Alex O'Donnell Hey mom this is Mark, Uncle Ned's bastard.

Scarlett O'Donnell Wow!

Alex O'Donnell I know! Someone had a kid with Uncle Ned!

Mike O Donnell Listen, girls. If you don't respect yourself, how do you expect others to respect you?

Nicole Don't respect me.

Jaime No! Don't respect me.

Samantha You don't even have to remember my name!

Nicole Okay, wow.

Jaime Yeah, that's like, really slutty.

Samantha I know, right?

Mike O'Donnell Forget it. This is some other dad's problem.

Ned Gold We have to go shopping, your shirt is bedazzled.

Mike O Donnell Bedazzled with rhinestones!

Mike O Donnell It's me, Mike O'Donnell, your best friend. You have an undescended testicle.

Ned Gold Googlable.

Mike O Donnell You helped me cheat on a math test, but I got caught.

Ned Gold Public records.

Mike O Donnell You asked Princess Leia to Junior Prom.

Ned Gold Covered by the local news.

Mike O Donnell When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks. But one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you.

Mike O Donnell Would you stop staring at me!

Ned Gold It's freaking me out.

Mike O Donnell It's freaking me out! I'm pubescent!!!

Mike O'Donnell Why are you dating him? He's bullying your brother.

Maggie O'Donnell Who are you, my father?

Mike O Donnell Scarlet, before you go through with this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero, and you were wearing a Guns n Roses t-shirt. I'd never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die... then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance, and I felt so peaceful... and safe... because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing could ever be that bad... because I had you. And then I, uh... I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today... but I don't want you to. But I guess... if I love you, I should let you move on.

Ned Gold So what did you learn in school today?

Mike O Donnell That I'm a bad dad.

Ned Gold I thought everything was going great.

Mike O Donnell It was going fantastic for me. Then I found out that my son spent the last year as the school punching bag. Then I saw my daughter get a tongue lash from the school psychotic jackass.

Janitor High school star, never quite lived up to your potential. Sooner or later you all come back to your old school, stand there and look at the pictures of your glory days, wondering what might have been. Seems to me you guys are living in the past.

Taglines Who says you're only young once?

Ned Gold What are you wearing?

Mike O Donnell This is cool. This is hip. There's a picture of ] wearing the exact same thing. What are you wearing? You're supposed to show up like a dad, you look like ]!

Ned Gold Leave him out of this.

Janitor Mike O'Donell!

Mike O Donnell Do I know you?

Janitor No, but I know you.

Mike O Donnell Oh, yeah?

Janitor High school star, never quite lived up to your potential. Sooner or later you all come back to your old school, stand there and look at the picture of the glory days wondering "What might have been". Seems to me you guys are living in the past.

Mike O Donnell Well, of course I wanna live in the past. It was better there...

Janitor I bet you wish you could do it all over again?

Mike O Donnell You got that right.

Mike O Donnell I forbid you to go out with that guy.

Maggie O'Donnell Oh, Okay Who the hell do you think you are? My father?

Ned Gold What are you eating?

Mike O Donnell I don't even know, all I know is that I'm hungry... all the time.