American Beauty (1999) - Quotes

Lester: How's Jane?

Angela: What do you mean?

Lester: I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd-

Angela: She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love.

Lester: Good for her.

Angela: How are you?

Lester: God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that... I'm great.

Angela: Jane and I had a fight. It was about you. She's mad at me because I said I think you're sexy.

Lester: So, you gonna tell me? What do you want?

Angela: I don't know...What do you want?

Lester: Are you kidding? I want you. I've wanted you ever since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Angela: You don't think I'm ordinary?

Lester: You couldn't be ordinary if you tried.

Angela: [''Opens her blouse, exposing her breasts, and lies back beneath Lester''] Thank you. I don't think there's anything worse than being ordinary. This is my first time.

Lester: [''Laughs''] You're kidding.S

Angela: [''Lester stops''] I'm sorry. I still want to do it. I just...thought I should tell you, in case you wondered why I wasn't...better. What's wrong? I thought you said I was beautiful.

Lester: You are beautiful. You are so beautiful - and I would be a very lucky man.

Angela: I feel so stupid!

Lester: Don't...You have nothing to be sorry about...It's okay, everything's okay.

Ricky: If I had to leave tonight, would you come with me?

Jane: What?

Ricky: [[w:New York City|New York] If I had to go to ]. To live. Tonight. Would you come with me?

Jane: Yes.

Angela: [''To Jane''] You guys can't be serious. You're just a kid. And he's like, a mental case. You'll end up living in a box on the street.

Jane: [''To Ricky''] I'm no more a kid than you are! We can use my plastic surgery money.

Ricky: [[w:organized crime in the United States|I know people in the city who can help us get set up.] We won't have to. I have over forty thousand dollars. And ]

Angela: [[w:Crime in New York City|other drug dealers?] What, ]

Ricky: Yes.

Angela: Jane, you'd be out of your mind to go with him.

Jane: Why do you even care?

Angela: Because you're my friend!

Ricky: She's not your friend. She's somebody you use to feel better about yourself.

Angela: Go fuck yourself, psycho!

Jane: You shut up, bitch!

Angela: Jane, he's a freak!

Jane: Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!

Angela: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly!

Ricky: Yes, you are. And you're boring. And totally ordinary. And you know it.

Angela: [''Walks away''] You two deserve each other.

Ricky: [''Laughs''] Oh, Dad, you don't really think that me and Mr. Burnham were...

Colonel Fitts: [[w:fellatio|become a cock-sucker!] Don't you laugh at me. Now, I will not sit back and watch my only son ]

Ricky: Jesus, what is it with you?

Colonel Fitts: I swear to God, I will throw you out of the house and never look at you again!

Ricky: You mean that?

Colonel Fitts: You're damn straight I do. I'd rather you were dead than be a fuckin faggot.

Ricky: You're right, I suck dick for money.

Colonel Fitts: Boy, don't start.

Ricky Fitts: Two thousand dollars, I'm that good.

Colonel Fitts: Get out.

Ricky: And you should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three states.

Colonel Fitts: [''Hits Ricky''] Get out! I don't ever want to see you again.

Ricky: What a sad old man you are.

Jane: [''To Ricky videotaping her''; [w:ejaculation|gonna spray his shorts] I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's ] whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school. What a lame-o. Somebody really should just put him out of his misery.

Ricky: Want me to kill him for you?

Jane: Yeah, would you?

Jane: [''Glances over at a calm Lester''] Mom, is it okay if Angela sleeps over tonight?

Carolyn: [''To Jane walking to kitchen''; ''Lester walks to kitchen''] Well, of course, she's always welcome. You know, I thought maybe you two had a fight. I haven't seen her around here in a while. And she's gone!

Lester: [''To Jane staring at him in kitchen''] What?

Jane: [''Nervously''] I've been too embarrassed to bring her over. Because of you, and the way that you behave.

Lester: What are you talking about?! I've barely even spoken to her!

Jane: Dad! You stare at her all the time, like you're drunk! It's disgusting!

Lester: [''Jane is stunned and then flees kitchen, then under breath''] You better watch yourself, Janie, or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother! Fuck.

Lester: [''Meeting Carolyn with Buddy with their order at [[w:Drive-through|the restaurant drive-thru] Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's!

Carolyn: Uh, Buddy, this is my-

Lester: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.

Janine: Whoa, you are so busted!

Carolyn: You know, this really doesn't concern you!

Lester: Actually, Janine is senior-manager of the drive thru so you kind of are on her turf. So, this makes sense.

Carolyn: Oh, Lester...

Lester: Honey, it's okay. I want you to be happy. Would you like Smiley sauce with that?

Carolyn: Lester, just stop it!

Lester: No, no. You... don't get to tell me what to do... ever... again.

Carolyn: Uh, whose car is that out front?

Lester: [[w:Pontiac Firebird#Second generation (1970–1981)|1970 Pontiac Firebird] Mine. ]. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!

Carolyn: [''To Lester leaning over to her''] Lester, you're going to spill beer on the couch.

Lester: So what? It's just a couch.

Carolyn: This is a four thousand dollar sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. This is not just a couch!

Lester: [''Pounds couch with pillow''; ''Throws pillow at couch''] It's just a couch! This isn't life! This is just stuff! And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts.

Jane: [''Sits down at dining room table''] Sorry I'm late.

Carolyn: [''To Lester''] No, that's quite all right, dear. Your father and I were just discussing his day at work. Why don't you tell our daughter about it, honey?

Lester: [''Carolyn dementedly laughs''; [w:asparagus|the asparagus] Jane, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass ].

Carolyn: [''Continues dementedly laughing''] Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of!

Lester: [[w:rat race|I go through life like a fucking prisoner; [w:Erotophobia|while she keeps my dick in; [w:Mason jar|a Mason jar] And your mother seems to prefer ] ] ] under the sink.

Carolyn: [''Referring to Jane''] How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the... same... day... that... you... lose your job!

Lester: I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops! Where'd my job go?" I quit! Pass the asparagus.

Carolyn: [[w:Breadwinner model|the sole breadwinner now!] Oh! Oh! Oh! And I want to thank you for putting me under the added pressure of being ]

Lester: I already have a job.

Carolyn: [[w:mortgage|the mortgage] No, no, don't give a second thought as to who's gonna pay ]. We'll just leave it all up to Carolyn! You mean you're gonna take care of everything now, Carolyn? Yes. I don't mind, I really don't. You mean everything? You don't mind having the sole responsibility, your husband feels he can just quit his job and you don't--

Lester: [''Overlapping''] Will someone please pass me the fucking asparagus?

Jane: [''Standing''] Okay, guys, I'm not gonna be a part of this.

Lester: [''Jane slowly sits back down. Lester stands up, walks to the other side of the table, picks up the plate of asparagus, then sits back down''] Sit down! I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist. You two do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it, and I don't complain. Now all I want is the same--

Carolyn: [''Interrupting''; ''Lester stands with the asparagus plate in his hand''] Oh, you don't complain? Oh please! Excuse me! Excuse me! I must be psychotic, then! If you don't complain, what is this? Yeah, let's bring in the laugh-meter and see how loud it gets on that one. You don't compl--

Lester: [''Throws the asparagus plate at the wall, to a stunned Carolyn and Jane, then casually looks at Carolyn in the eyes''; ''Sits back down to eat, looking up at the background music in disdain''; ''glances over in mutual reference to Jane's displeasure to the music''; [w:Lawrence Welk|Lawrence Welk] Don't interrupt me, honey. Oh, and another thing, from now on we're going to alternate our dinner music, because, frankly--and I don't think I'm alone here-- I'm really tired of this ] shit!

Ricky: [''About a dead homeless woman he filmed''] When you see something like that, it's like God is looking right at you, just for a second. And if you're careful, you can look right back.

Jane: And what do you see?

Ricky: Beauty.

Brad: [''Reading Lester's job description''; ''Lester lip syncs along''] My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell." Well, you obviously have no interest in saving yourself.

Lester: Brad, for fourteen years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing.

Brad: Whatever. Management wants you gone by the end of the day.

Lester: [[w:Internal Revenue Service|the I.R.S.; ''grins''] Well, just what sort of severance package is management prepared to offer me? Considering the information I have about our Editorial Director buying pussy with company money - which, I think, would interest ], since it technically constitutes fraud; and I'm sure that some of our advertisers and rival publications might like to know about it as well. Not to mention... Craig's wife!

Brad: What do you want?

Lester: One year's salary, with benefits.

Brad: That's not going to happen.

Lester: [[w:Sexual harassment in the workplace in the United States|a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?] Well, what do you say I throw in ]

Brad: [''Chuckles in disbelief''] Against who?

Lester: [''Chuckles derisively''] Against you! Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?

Brad: [''Whispers''] Man. You are one twisted fuck.

Lester: Nope; I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.

Lester: So, Ricky, uh, I was thinking about the, uh... I was gonna... the movie we talked about...

Ricky: [[w:Re-Animator|Re-Animator] ].

Lester: Yeah!

Ricky: [''Lester waves at the Colonel following Ricky into house with the Colonel watching them with eyes going dark''] You want to borrow it? Okay, it's up in my room. Come on.

Ricky: [''Handing Lester [[w:Urine test|a urine test cup] Can you hold this for a sec?

Lester: Sure.

Ricky: [''Pulls open bedside nightstand drawer and begins transferring clothes onto bed''] I don't think my dad would try to come in when somebody else is here, but you never know.

Lester: What is this?

Ricky: Urine. I have to take a drug test every six months to make sure I'm clean.

Lester: Are you kidding? You just smoked with me last night.

Ricky: [''Lester picks up a CD album''] It's not mine. One of my clients is a nurse in a pediatrician's office. I cut her a deal, she keeps me in clean piss.

Lester: [[w:Pink Floyd|Pink Floyd] You like ]?

Ricky: I like a lot of music.

Lester: [''Shakes his head, puts down CD album case. Ricky, having emptied the drawer, now removes a [[w:False bottom|false bottom; [w:cannabis|marijuana] Man, I haven't listened to this album in years. ], revealing rows of ziplocked bags of

Ricky: How much do you want?

Lester: I don't know, it's been a while. How much is an ounce?

Ricky: [''Indicates bag''] Well, this is totally decent, and it's three hundred.

Lester: Wow.

Ricky: [''Indicates another bag''; [w:Federal government of the United States|the U.S. Government; [w:Tetrahydrocannabiphorol|Extremely potent] But this shit is top of the line. It's called G-13. Genetically engineered by ]. ]. But a completely mellow high, no paranoia.

Lester: Is that what we smoked last night?

Ricky: This is all I ever smoke.

Lester: How much?

Ricky: Two grand.

Lester: Jesus. Things have changed since 1973.

Ricky: You don't have to pay now. I know you're good for it.

Lester: [''Pause''] Thanks.

Ricky: [''Hands him a bag''] There's a card in there with my beeper number, call me anytime day or night. And I only accept cash.

Lester: [[w:Fast-food restaurant|I flipped burgers all summer; [w:8-track cartridge|an eight track] Well, now I know how you can afford all this equipment. When I was your age, ] just to be able to buy ].

Ricky: That sucks.

Lester: [''Smiles''] No, actually, it was great. All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me...

Ricky: My dad thinks I pay for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial.

Carolyn: [''Woken by Lester masturbating under sheets''] What are you doing?!

Lester: Nothing.

Carolyn: You were masturbating!

Lester: I was not.

Carolyn: Yes you were!

Lester: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!

Carolyn: That's disgusting!

Lester: Well forgive me, but some of us still have blood pumping through our veins.

Carolyn: So do I.

Lester: Really?! Well, I'm the only one who seems to be doing anything about it!

Carolyn: [''Jumps out of bed standing before Lester''] Lester, I refuse to live like this! This is not a marriage!

Lester Burnham: This hasn't been a marriage, for years, but you were happy as long as I kept my mouth shut. Well, guess what, I've changed! And the new me whacks off when he feels horny, because you're obviously not gonna help me out in that department!

Carolyn: [[w:sexual frustration|who's sexually frustrated here] Oh, I see. You think you're the only one ]?

Lester: I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby, I'm ready!

Carolyn: Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!

Lester: [[w:alcoholism|a drunk; [w:infidelity|I don't fuck other women; [w:domestic violence|I've never hit you, I don't mistreat you...] On what grounds? I'm not ], ], ] I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear how unnecessary you consider me to be! But I did support you when you got your license, and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So, turn off the light when you come to bed!

Lester: [''Standing outside hotel in alleyway smoking with Rick''] ...did you ever see that movie, where the body's walking around holding its own head? And then the head goes down on that babe?

Rick: [[w:Re-Animator|Re-Animator; ''Door bangs open and Rick's boss steps out''] ].

Catering boss: [''eyes Lester, suspiciously''] Look. I'm not paying you to... ...do whatever it is you're doing out here.

Rick: Fine. So don't pay me.

Catering boss: Excuse me?

Rick: I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now, leave me alone.

Catering boss: [''Goes inside and Lester glances at Ricky, who shrugs''] Asshole.

Lester: [''Pause''] I think you just became my personal hero. Doesn't that make you nervous, just quitting your job like that? Well, I guess when you're all of, what? Sixteen?

Rick: [''Pause''; ''Carolyn opens door''] Eighteen. I just do these gigs as a cover. I have other sources of income. But my dad interferes less in my life when I pretend to be an upstanding young citizen with a respectable job.

Carolyn: [''Lester quickly hides the joint behind his back''] Lester? What are you doing?

Lester: [''laughs''] Honey, this is... Ricky Fitts. This is Ricky Fitts.

Rick: I'm Ricky Fitts, I just moved in the house next to you. I go to school with your daughter.

Lester: With Jane? Really?

Rick: Yeah. Jane.

Carolyn: [''To Lester''; ''Goes back inside''] Hi. I'm ready to go. I'll meet you out front.

Lester: [''Going back inside''] Uh-oh. I'm in trouble. Nice meeting you, Ricky Fitts. Thanks for the, uh, thing.

Rick: Any time.

Jane: I'm sorry about my dad.

Angela: Don't be. I think it's funny.

Jane: Yeah, to you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones. But to me... he's just too embarrassing to live.

Angela: [''Jane glances at Angela irritated''] Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. Your dad's actually kind of cute.

Jane: [''Scene of Lester in hallway eavesdropping''] Shut up.

Angela: He is. If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot!

Jane: Shut up!

Angela: Oh, come on. Like you've never sneaked a peek at him in his underwear? I bet he's got a big dick!

Jane: You are so grossing me out right now!

Angela: [''Jane covers her ears and nonsensically sings''] If he built up his chest and arms, I would totally fuck him!

Angela: [''Laughs''; ''Lester darts down hall''] I would! I would suck your dad's big fat dick, and then I would fuck him til his eyes rolled back in his head! What was that noise? Jane. I swear I heard something.

Jane: Yeah, it was the sound of you being a huge disgusting pig.

Angela: [''An object taps against window''; ''Goes to window''; ''They observe in the Burnham's driveway, Jane's name is spelled out in ablaze gasoline writing''] I'm serious. See? Oh my God. Jane.

Angela: It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?

Jane: Shit. I bet he's filming us right now.

Angela: [''Become intrigued''; ''Starts sexually posing in window''] Really?

Angela: [[w:human penis|Mr. Happy] And then he just pulled down his pants, you know, like say hello to ].

Teenage girl #1: Gross.

Angela: It wasn't gross. It was kind of cool.

Teenage girl #2: So did you do it with him?

Angela: [[w:Elle (magazine)|Elle] Of course I did! He's a really well-known photographer. He shoots for ] on like, a regular basis. It would've been so majorly stupid of me to turn him down.

Teenage girl #1: You are a total prostitute.

Angela: Hey, that's how things really are. You just don't know cause you're this pampered little suburban chick.

Teenage girl #1: [[w:Seventeen (magazine)|Seventeen; [w:Christy Turlington|Christy Turlington; ''Makes a stop-telling-lies-and-grow-up face and then walks away with friend''] So are you! You've only been in ] once, and you looked fat, so stop acting like you're god damn ]!

Angela: [''To the two teenage girls''; ''To self''] Cunt! I am so sick of people taking their insecurities out on me!

Jane Burnham: [''Sees Ricky getting dropped off at school and points at him''] Oh, my God! That's the pervert who filmed me last night!

Angela Hayes: Him? Jane. No way. He's a total lunatic!

Jane Burnham: You know him?

Angela Hayes: [[w:Psychiatric hospital|a mental institution] Yeah. We were on the same lunch shift when I was in ninth grade, and he would always say the most random, weird things, and then one day, he was just like, gone. And then, Connie Cardullo told me he his parents had to put him in ].

Jane Burnham: Why? What did he do?

Angela Hayes: What do you mean?

Jane Burnham: Well, they can't put you away just for saying weird things.

Angela Hayes: [''Stares at Jane, realizes and then breaks out in a teasing smile''] You total slut. You've got a crush on him!

Jane Burnham: What?! Please!

Angela Hayes: You were defending him! You love him! You want to have like, ten thousand of his babies!

Jane Burnham: [''Realizes Ricky is suddenly standing in front of her''] Shut up.

Ricky Fitts: Hi. My name's Ricky. I just moved next door to you.

Jane Burnham: I know. I kinda remember this really creepy incident when you were filming me last night?

Ricky Fitts: [''Angela shoots a wide-eyed look at Jane, oblivious to her''] I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting.

Jane Burnham: Thanks, but I really don't need to have some psycho obsessing about me right now.

Ricky Fitts: [''Looks at her intently, Jane looks away, Ricky smiles and then walks off''] I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious.

Angela Hayes: [[w:Mormon missionary|a Bible salesman?] What a freak. And why does he dress like ]

Jane Burnham: He's like, so confident. That can't be real.

Angela Hayes: I don't believe him. I mean, he didn't even like, look at me once.

Colonel Frank Fitts: [''Driving with Ricky, referring to neighbours Jim and Jim jogging by''; [homophobia|faggots] How come these ] always have to rub it in your face? How can they be so shameless?

Ricky Fitts: That's the whole thing, Dad. They don't feel like it's anything to be ashamed of.

Colonel Frank Fitts: [''Glancing at Ricky sharply''] Well, it is!

Ricky Fitts: Yeah, you're right.

Colonel Frank Fitts: Don't placate me like I'm your mother, boy.

Ricky Fitts: [''Sighs, then glances at father''] Forgive me, sir, for speaking so bluntly but those fags make me want to puke my fucking guts out.

Colonel Frank Fitts: [''Cautiously, after a long pause''] Well, me too son. Yeah, me too.

Jane: [''Sitting in vehicle outside residence''] I'm sorry my dad was so weird tonight.

Angela: [[w:Red Lobster|Red Lobster; [w:masturbation|when they jerked off] It's okay. I'm used to guys drooling over me. It started when I was about twelve, I'd go out to dinner with my parents. Every Thursday night, ]. And every guy there would stare at me when I walked in. And I knew what they were thinking. Just like I knew guys at school thought about me ].

Jane: Vomit.

Angela: No, I liked it. And I still like it. If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model. Which is great, because there's nothing worse in life than being ordinary.

Jane: I really think it'll happen for you.

Angela: Oh, I know. Because everything that was meant to happen, does. Eventually.

Lester Burnham: [''Driving to a high school basketball game to watch Jane's dance team performance''] Well what makes you so sure she wants us to be there? Did she ask us to come?

Carolyn Burnham: Of course not. She doesn't want us to know how important this is to her. But she's been practicing her steps for weeks.

Lester Burnham: [[w:James Bond|the James Bond; [w:Marathon (media)|marathon; [w:TNT (American TV network)|on TNT] Well, I'll bet money she's going to resent it, and I'm missing ] ] ].

Carolyn Burnham: Lester, this is important. Now, I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and Jane.

Lester Burnham: Growing?" She hates me.

Carolyn Burnham: She's just willful.

Lester Burnham: She hates you too.

Janes: [''Eating at table with parents listening to [[w:Bali Ha'i|Bali Ha'i; [w:elevator music|this elevator music?] Mom, do we always have to listen to ]

Carolyn: No. No, we don't. As soon as you've prepared a nutritious yet savory meal that I'm about to eat, you can listen to whatever you like.

Lester: [''Long pause''] So Janie, how was school?

Jane: [''Suspiciously''] It was okay.

Lester: Just okay?

Jane: No, Dad. It was spec... tac... ular.

Lester: [''Pause''; [w:Business process re-engineering|hired this efficiency expert; ''referring to Jane's mockingly indifferent face''] Well, you want to know how things went at my job today? Now she looks at him as if he's lost his mind. They've ], this really friendly guy named Brad, how perfect is that? And he's basically there to make it seem like they're justified in firing somebody, because they couldn't just come right out and say that, could they? No, no, that would be too... honest. And so they've asked us-- you couldn't possibly care any less, could you?

Jane: [''Gets up from table and walks to kitchen''] Well, what do you expect? You can't all of a sudden be my best friend, just because you had a bad day. I mean, hello. You've barely even spoken to me for months.

Lester: [''Noticing Carolyn''] Oh, what, you're mother-of-the-year? You treat her like an employee.

Carolyn: [''Lester silently stares down''] What?! WHAT?!

Lester: [''Gets up from table''] I'm going to get some ice cream.

Brad: [''To Lester sitting looking forlorn and far away before his desk''] I'm sure you can understand our need to cut corners around here.

Lester: Oh, sure. Times are tight, and you gotta free up cash. Gotta spend money to make money. Right?

Brad: [''Stands up, ready to usher Lester out''] Exactly. So...

Lester: [[w:St. Regis Hotels & Resorts|the St. Regis] Like the time when Mr. Flournoy used the company MasterCard to pay for that hooker, and then she used the card numbers and stayed at ] for, what was it, like, three months?

Brad: [''Sits back down''] That's unsubstantiated gossip!

Lester: That's fifty thousand dollars! That's somebody's salary. That's somebody who's gonna get fired because Craig HAS TO PAY WOMEN TO FUCK HIM!

Brad: Jesus, calm down! Nobody's getting fired yet. That's why we're having everyone write out a job description, mapping out in detail how they contribute. That way, management can assess who's valuable and--

Lester: Who's expendable.

Brad: It's just business.

Lester: I've been writing for this magazine for fourteen years, Brad. You've been here how long, a whole month?

Brad: I'm one of the good guys, Les. I'm trying to level with you. This is your one chance to save your job.

Carolyn: [''To Jane walking to vehicle in the morning''] Oh, Honey, are you trying to look unattractive?

Jane: [''In cynical voice''] Yes.

Carolyn: Congratulations, you've succeeded admirably!

Ricky Fitts: [''To Jane''] Do you want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed? It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing, and there was this electricity in the air. You can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just, dancing with me, like a little kid beggin me to play with it - for fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know that there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember - I need to remember. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world - I feel like I can't take it, like my heart is just going to cave in.

Carolyn Burnham: [''Repeated line, in self-assuring confidence''; ''Later becomes hysterically upset and profusively self-blaming''] I will sell this house today.

Carolyn Burnham: [''To Jane after halftime basketball performance''] Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely! You didn't screw up once!

Lester Burnham: [''Epilogue after being fatally shot''; ''Scene of Jane and Ricky lying bed alerted by gunshot and then gets up''; ''Scene of Angela in [[w:Toilet (room)|powder room; ''Scene of Carolyn outside in rain unresponsive to faint gunshot; [w:Pontiac Firebird|brand new Firebird] I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp, watching falling stars. And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. ] alerted by gunshot] Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's ]. And Janie, and Janie. And Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. You will someday.

Lester Burnham: [''Lying in bed fantasizing of watching Angela on ceiling partially covered in rose petals with it landing on his face''] It's the weirdest thing. I feel like I've been in a coma for about twenty years, and I'm just now waking up.

Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.

Lester Burnham: It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.

Lester Burnham: [''Jane is researching [[w:breast implant|breast augumentation surgery] My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This is my life. I am 42 years old. In less than a year, I will be dead. Of course, I don't know that yet, and in a way, I'm dead already. Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the highlight of my day. It's all downhill from here. That's my wife Carolyn. See the way the handle on those pruning shears match her gardening clogs? That's not an accident. That's our neighbor, Jim, and that's his lover, Jim. Man, I get exhausted just watching her. She wasn't always like this. She used to be happy. We used to be happy. ] despite having a large bust] My daughter, Jane. Only child. Janie's a pretty typical teenager–angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her. Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser. And they're right. I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back.