9 quotes
A Drunken Confession at Band Camp
Elyse
Are you okay?
Matt Stifler
Yeah.
Elyse
I'm so drunk right now... I'm probably gonna forget about you... porkin an oboe!
[''Bursts out laughing'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Between Elyse and Matt
Mr. Levenstein
Let me see if I have this straight. Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock who wears his penis on his forehead just to gain the approval of his sociopathic older brother. And Matt, you think Elyse is an uptight, geeky prude who needs to, uh, loosen up a bit and get laid. Excuse the expression, dear. Is that close to being on the money?
[''to Elyse and Stifler''; ''To Elyse'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Impact of Overstimulation on Youth Behavior
Mr. Levenstein
We didn't have MTV when I was growing up. So maybe it's the overstimulated times that we live in that causes young men to stick their... instruments in such... odd places. I knew a certain young man once who actually engaged in sexual congress with an apple pie, and he turned out just fine. So, uhh... you're perfectly normal.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Memorable Moment at Band Camp
Taglines
This One Time at Band Camp…
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Camp Shenanigans and Rivalry Among Friends
Matt Stifler
Look, I wanna know all the stuff that goes on at night here. Naked pillow fights, whatever!
Ernie Kaplowitz
Do I look like the guy in charge of the naked pillow fights? Huh? This is my first year here. You see the beanie?
Brandon Vandecamp
Yes. Yes, I do. But where's yours, Stifler? Let's see- no standard issue t-shirt and no beanie. I believe that's two points from Great Falls, Mr. Nelson!
Matt Stifler
Tell you what, Vandercramp. How about I take his beanie and put it on my weenie? How's that, Vandercramp? It's on my head, right?
[''takes Ernie's beanie''; ''Stuffs the beanie down his pants'']
Mr. Nelson
Make it five points from Great Falls!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Expectations and Friendship Dynamics
Mr. Levenstein
You know you're like your brother Steve? And I don't think those are the shoes you should be so eager to fill. You know the people Steve thought were his friends? Really didn't like him very much. But I think you're different. I think people wanna like you, Matt, you just make it really hard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sibling Rivalry and Frustration Unfolds
Oz's brother
Hey, Stifler, how come Steve's got all the talent in your family?
Stifler
Bite me, fuck-face.
Kevin's brother
Come on, man, you're missing it.
Stifler
I've seen it a million times, you fucking ass-booger.
Oz's brother
Matt, Stever is like a film making genius. A true American hero.
Kevin's brother
The ] of titties!
[[Quentin Tarantino|Tarantino]
Oz's brother
Yeah, there's just no way you come be this good.
Stifler
Hey, look, I'm gonna prove to Steve that i'm up to the standards of the Stiffmeister Productions.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Competition and Confrontation Over Music Ambitions
Brandon Vandecamp
In today's episode: wasting time on lost causes. Speaking of which, I understand you composed the music to your show, Elyse. If you... call that music.
Elyse
Yeah, that's right. I did. And who'd your daddy hire to compose yours?
Brandon Vandecamp
I'm just giving you fair warning, cupcake. The Robard's Scholarship- is mine.
Elyse
Like you need it.
Brandon Vandecamp
Oh, it's not a matter of need, it's a matter of want. Yeah... I get what I want.
Matt Stifler
Why don't you shut the fu uhh?
Brandon Vandecamp
Oh, what're you gonna do?
[''Amused'']
Matt Stifler
Kick your ath!
Brandon Vandecamp
Are you challenging me?
Brandon Vandecamp
It's been three years since I've been challenged!
Brandon Vandecamp
I look forward to reminding people why.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Camp Rules
Brandon's friend 1
Are you a rookie? You look lost.
Matt Stifler
Are you an asshole? You're hairy and you smell like shit!
Brandon Vandecamp
I'll, uh... I'll ignore that kind of talk. Once. We don't speak that way here. Rookies are to wear their beanies at all times. Those are the rules.
Matt Stiffler
And who made you the Mayor of Geektown?
Brandon Vandecamp
I'm Brandon Vandecamp. Senior Drum Major of Beechwood Academy, and the President of the Tall Oaks Council.
Matt Stifler
Oh? And who are they, Mr. President? The First Lady and Vice Pussy?
Brandon Vandecamp
Suits you well.
Matt Stifler
Golly jeepers, thanks. And hey! Since I'm an official band geek and all, can you guess what my favorite piece of music is?
[''Sarcastic'']
Brandon Vandecamp
I have no idea.
Matt Stifler
The nutcracker.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.