20 quotes
Embracing the Irreplaceable Nature of Youth
Taglines
You're only young once!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Video Game and Household Chores Collide
Computer game
You are standing in the cavern of the evil ice wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarves.
Mrs. Baskin
Josh, take out the garbage!
Josh
In a minute, Mom! Melt the wizard. Melt wizard.
[talking to himself; typing]
Computer game
What do you want to melt him with?
Josh
What do you think I want to use? Throw the thermal pod.
Mrs. Baskin
JOSH!! The garbage is starting to stink up the house! Take it out, NOW!!
Mr. Baskin
Josh, you heard your mother!
Computer game
Your hesitancy has cost you dearly. The wizard, sensing your apprehension, fires a fatal bolt from his ice scepter. With luck, you will thaw in several million years.
Josh
Great.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on approaching someone you're interested in
Scotty Brennen
See that girl over there in the red? Say "hi" to her and she's yours. She'll have her legs around you so tight you'll be begging for mercy.
Josh
Well, I'll stay away from her, then.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on What Constitutes a Sport
Josh
I'm much better at video hockey.
Paul
That's not a sport.
Josh
It requires hand and eye coordination.
Paul
It's not a sport if you don't sweat.
Josh
What about golf? It's a sport and you don't sweat.
Paul
It's not a sport if you let a machine do all the work.
Josh
What about car racing?
Paul
Shut up, Baskin.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Mother's Threat to Protect Her Son
Mrs. Baskin
You have my son?
[on the phone]
Josh
Yes.
Mrs. Baskin
Look, if you touch one hair on his head, I swear I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer.
Josh
Wow, thanks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication at the Reception Desk
Josh
Social security number?
Josh
What was that?
Billy
My locker combination.
Receptionist
Mr. Baskin?
Billy
Remember, Josh, eye contact!
Receptionist
Your son will have to wait out here.
Josh
Certainly. OK son, you heard the lady. Don't give anyone a hard time.
Billy
Sure thing, "Dad".
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Weight of a Big Secret
Taglines
Have you ever had a really big secret?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Past Encounters and Deadlines
Josh
Will you please leave? I got a deadline to meet. Gosh.
Billy
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Josh
HEY!
Billy
You're Josh Baskin, remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in MY basement when Robert Dyson was about to rip your head off!
Josh
You don't get it, do you? This is important!
Billy
I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh? And I'm three months older than you are, ASSHOLE!
[Turns to leave]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wishing to Grow Up with Zoltar
Josh
Zoltar Speaks?
[to himself, at a carnival where he finds an antiquated fortune-telling machine]
Josh
Work, work, work, dammit!
[annoyed, hitting machine]
Machine
Aim ramp at Zoltar's mouth
Machine
Zoltar says make your wish.
Josh
I wish I were big.
Card
Your wish is granted.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Bureaucracy for Amusement Listings
Josh
I want a listing of all amusement arcades and carnivals in the tri-state area.
Clerk
Consumer Affairs, down the hall.
Bureaucrat
Fill this out in triplicate, five dollar processing charge.
Billy
See, no problem.
Bureaucrat
Standard six-week wait with backlog.
Billy and Josh
Six weeks??!
[in unison]
Bureaucrat
Could take longer, but hey, you could get lucky.
Josh
I am going to be 30 years old for the rest of my life.
Billy
Come on Josh, it is only for six weeks. Besides, you may be even older that that! ha ha!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Job Interview Exchange in an Office Setting
Office worker
It says you have four years of experience in computers, good. But you are missing a couple of numbers on the social security.
Josh
Uh, um, twelve.
Office worker
OK, 1-2. Office worker puts in numbers Where did you go to school?
Josh
Hmmm, it was called George Washington.
Office worker
Oh, ]! My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge?
[[w:George Washington University|G.W]
Josh
Yes, every morning.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Missing Child Case Sparks Unusual Reactions
Policeman
This is one of the oddest missing child cases. His mother is all hysterical; cannot get a word out of her. No sign of forced entry, no ransom note and the only fingerprints we found all belonged to the Baskin family.
Kid #1
Bet he got sick of his parents and ran away. Wish I could do that.
Kid #2
I will help you pack.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
From Desires to Dreams: A Transformation
Taglines
Yesterday Josh Wanted Everything In Life - Girls...Money...Cars... Today, All His Wildest Dreams Have Come True!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Getting Paid to Play with Toys
Billy
So you got a job, where you play with all these toys.
Josh
Yup!
Billy
And they're gonna pay you for that?
Josh
Yup!
Billy
SUCKERS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Boy's Wish Realized in Adulthood
Taglines
Yesterday 12-year old Josh Baskin wanted money, cars, and girls. Today he got all those.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Appeal of Maturity in Relationships
Paul
What is so special about Baskin?
Susan
He's a grown up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Youthful Experiences Can Last a Lifetime
Taglines
You're Only Young Once But For Josh It Might Just Last A Lifetime.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertain Feelings About Spending the Night
Susan
I'm not so sure we should do this.
Josh
Do what?
Susan
Well, I like you, and I want to spend the night with you.
Josh
Do you mean sleep over?
Susan
Well, yeah.
Josh
Well, okay, but I get to be on top.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Directions to Sea Point Park
Billy
There. Sea Point Park!
Josh
Thanks.
Billy
See you around.
Josh
Taxi! Sea Point Park, please.
Billy
Sea Point Park? Way to go, Josh!
Susan
You know Josh?
Billy
Yes, I am his friend.
Susan
I am...his girlfriend.
Billy
His girlfriend?? Whoa!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Searching for Josh Baskin's Employment History
Paul
Have you tried Mattel?
Susan
Yes.
Paul
Well, how about Coleco?
Susan
Yes, as well as Fisher Price and Worlds of Wonder. None of these places reported ever having a Josh Baskin on their payroll.
Paul
Well, he's got to come from somewhere. The guy just does not come into the executive offices out of the blue.
Susan
Face it Paul, the man comes from data processing.
Paul
It's a mystery.
Milk Carton
MISSING: JOSHUA BASKIN
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.