28 quotes
Job Transition and Workplace Ethics
Richard
So, why do you want to work in television?
Bridget
I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss.
Richard
Fair enough. Start on Monday. We'll see how we go. And, incidentally, at Sit Up, Britain', no one ever gets sacked for shaggin the boss. That's a matter of principle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bridget Jones's Tuna Search for Sit Up Britain
Bridget
* This is Bridget Jones for Sit Up Britain searching for tuna.
[Her line on TV was]
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New Year's Reflections on Singleness
Bridget
It all began on New Years day, in my 32nd year of being single. Once again I found myself on my own and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. Every year she tries to fix me up with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore, and I feared this year would be no exception.
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Conflicted Feelings of an Ice Queen
Tagline
Aloof. Unavailable. Ice queen. – Aloof. Unavailable. Ice queen. – Aloof. Unavailable. Ice queen. – quite fancy a snog though...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Acceptance in Unexpected Moments
Bridget
I'm sorry, I'm not quite fi...
[interrupted by seeing Mark]
Mark
Good afternoon.
Bridget
Hi! You like me just the way I am...
Mark
Sorry?
Bridget
Nothing.
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Choosing Resilience Over Despair
Bridget
At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible... and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: to give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventual eating by alsatians, or not. And this time I choose not. I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, I choose vodka. And Chaka Khan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bridget's Resolutions for a Better Life
Bridget
Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Equally important, will find nice, sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasise about a particular person who embodies all these things... Unfortunately he just happens to be my boss, editor in chief Daniel Cleaver, and for various slightly unfair reasons relating to this year's Christmas party I suspect he does not fantasize about me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Women and the Art of Keeping Score
Tagline
All women keep score... Only the great ones put it in writing.
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The Color of Food: A Dialogue on Blue
Bridget
How's it look?
Mark
Great, it's... blue.
Bridget
Blue?
Mark
No, but blue is... good. If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food.
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Awkward Introductions Among Friends
Perpetua
Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget
Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua's a fart-arse old bag who spends her time bossing me around... Maybe not.
Perpetua
Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget
Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark's a top barrister. He comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua's one of my work colleagues.
Perpetua
Oh, Mark, I know you by reputation of course.
Mark
Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. Bridget is in advertising and used to play naked in my paddling pool.
[Natasha arrives]
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A Challenging Monday Morning for Bridget
Tagline
It's Monday morning, Bridget has woken up with a headache, a hangover and her boss.
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Cooking Disputes in the Kitchen
Bridget
No Pam. And besides I'm busy, gravy needs sieveing.
[as Una Alconberry]
Mark
Surely not, just stir it, Una.
[as Pamela Jones]
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Bridget's Frustration Over Missing Tuna
Bridget
Where the fuck is the fucking tuna?
[Rummaging through her fridge]
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Embracing Flaws in Affectionate Confessions
Mark
I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements that are ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences. I realize that when I met you at the Turkey Curry Buffet I was unforgiveably rude... and wearing a reindeer jumper... that my mother had given me the day before. But the thing is, uhm, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, uhm, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you. Very much.
Bridget
Apart from the smoking and the drinking and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea...
[Bitterly]
Mark
No, I like you very much. Just as you are.
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A Reflection on a Mother’s Quirks
Bridget
My mum, a strange creature from the time when gherkins were still the height of sophistication.
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Bridget's Unexpected Encounter with Her Mother
Bridget
Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum... hi.
[Answering phone]
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Unexpected Encounters and Childhood Memories
Mother
Come on. Why don't we see if Mark fancies a gherkin.
Bridget
Ding dong! Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. Maybe not.
[Sees his reindeer jumper]
Mother
Mark! You remember Bridget. She used to run around your lawn with no clothes on, remember?
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Awkward Confessions and Unfiltered Opinions
Mother
Don't be silly, Bridget. You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz.
Mark
Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and dresses like her mother.
Mark
I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much.
Daniel
Now, these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are- fuck me, absolutely enormous pants.
Jude
I can't believe you said what you said you said.
Tom
Come the fuck on, Bridget!
Daniel
Oh,fuck me, I love Keats. Have you heard this one? There was a young woman from Ealing, who had a peculiar feeling, she lay on her back, and opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling!'... Oh fuck me! Bollocks!
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Dilemma of Attractiveness and Comfort in Clothing
Bridget
Major dilemma. If actually do, by some terrible chance, end up in flagrante surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. However, chances of reaching crucial moment greatly increased by wearing these; scary stomach-holding-in pants very popular with grannies the world over. Tricky. Very tricky.
[holds up thong]
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Friendship and Heartbreak in Daily Life
Bridget
Daily call from Jude. Best friend. Head of investment at Brightlings Bank, who spends most of her time trapped in the ladies room crying over fuckwit boyfriend.
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A Moment of Realization and Change
Bridget
And that was it. Right there. Right there, that was the moment. I suddenly realised that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine... and I'd finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by alsatians. Or I was about to turn into ] in ].
[[w:Glenn Close|Glenn Close; [w:Fatal Attraction|Fatal Attraction]
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Embracing Unfiltered Singlehood
Tagline
Uninhibited. Uncensored. Unmarried.
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Family Concerns Over Mark's Presence
Mother
The Darcy's Ruby Wedding of course. "What for?" Indeed! Mark will be there. Still divorced
[taps nose]
Bridget
He's also... still deranged.
[taps nose]
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Bridget's Thoughts on Shazzer's Language
Bridget
Shazzer. Journalist. Likes to say "fuck". A lot.
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Reflections on Fame and Its Perks
Bridget
Tom, 80's pop icon who only wrote one hit record then retired because he found that one record was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the 90's. Total poof, of course.
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Expectations of Nice Boys in Romance
Bridget
Wait a minute, nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark
Oh, yes, they fucking do.
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Inappropriate Advances and Assertive Responses
Daniel
If walking past my office was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt, can only say that it has failed parlously-- Cleave.
[as computer messages]
Bridget
Shut up, please. I am very busy and important. P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner?
Daniel
Message Jones. Mortified to have caused offense. Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. Deeply apologetic. P.S. Like your tits in that top.
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A relatable experience for the heartbroken.
Tagline
For anyone who's ever been set up, stood up or felt up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.