Name: Catch-22
Genre: Comedy, War
Released: 1970-06-24
Duration: 121 min
Rating: 6.7
Cast: Alan Arkin, Martin Balsam, Richard Benjamin, Art Garfunkel, Jack Gilford

Catch-22

Office Protocol in Catch-22

Maj. Major Major Major Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear?

First Sgt. Towser Yes, sir. What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're in your office?

Maj. Major Major Major Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait.

First Sgt. Towser For how long?

Maj. Major Major Major Until I've left.

First Sgt. Towser And then what do I do with them?

Maj. Major Major Major I don't care.

First Sgt. Towser May I send people in to see you after you've left?

Maj. Major Major Major Yes.

First Sgt. Towser You won't be here then, will you?

Maj. Major Major Major No.

First Sgt. Towser Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you?

Maj. Major Major Major When I'm not there.

First Sgt. Towser What do I do then?

Maj. Major Major Major Whatever has to be done.

First Sgt. Towser Yes, sir.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Chocolate-Covered Cotton Taste Test

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Yossarian, I want you to do something for me. I want to serve this to the men. Taste it and let me know what you think.

[removes item from small bag]

Yossarian What is it?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Chocolate-covered cotton.

Yossarian What are you, crazy?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder No good, huh?

Yossarian For Christ's sake, you didn't even take the seeds out!

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Is it really that bad?

Yossarian It's cotton!

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder They've got to learn to like it!

Yossarian Why?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Look, I saw this great opportunity to corner the market in Egyptian cotton. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a glut? I've got a hundred warehouses stacked with the stuff all over the European theater. I can't get rid of a penny's worth. People eat cotton candy, don't they? Well this stuff is better - it's made out of real cotton.

Yossarian Milo, people can't eat cotton!

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder They've got to - it's for the Syndicate!

Yossarian It will make them sick! - why don't you try it yourself if you don't believe me?

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder I did - and it made me sick.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Strength in Weakness: A Perspective on Survival

Old man in whorehouse You see, Italy is a very poor, weak country and that is what makes us so strong, strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, long after your country has been destroyed.

Capt. Nately What are you talking about? America is not going to be destroyed.

Old man in whorehouse Never?

Capt. Nately Well...

Old man in whorehouse Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever?

Capt. Nately Well, forever is a long time.

Old man in whorehouse Very long.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Military Dealings and Consequences in Conflict

Colonel Cathcart What are you doing, Yossarian! Get off the field!

[as the base is being bombed in an air raid]

Colonel Cathcart I wanna see you later. You're confined to the base. I won't forget this!

Yossarian I don't think the Air Force is gonna forget about this!

Colonel Cathcart Don't be ridiculous! What's good for M&M Enterprises is good for the Air Force! We had to get rid of that cotton. The Germans promised to take it off our hands, if we ran this mission for them! It's all part of the deal!

Lt. Col. Korn, XO There goes the Officer's Club!

[loud bomb explosion is heard]

Yossarian You made a deal with the Germans to bomb our own base?

Colonel Cathcart A contract is a contract! That's what we're fighting for!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Perceptions of Danger in War

Yossarian Those bastards are trying to kill me.

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy.

Yossarian Oh yeah? Then why are they shooting at me Milo?

Dobbs They're shooting at everyone Yossarian.

Yossarian And what difference does that make?

Dobbs Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose everyone thought the same way you do.

Yossarian Then I'd be a damn fool to think any different.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Unexpected Sightings in Unusual Places

Maj. Major Major Major Is something wrong?

Tappman No, no. I... just thought I saw something.

Maj. Major Major Major A naked man in a tree?

Tappman Yes, that's it.

Danby That's just Yossarian.

[looking through binoculars]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Morality in a World of Chaos

Capt. Nately Don't you have any principles?

Old man in whorehouse Of course not!

Capt. Nately No morality?

Old man in whorehouse I'm a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That's why we will certainly come out on top again if we succeed in being defeated.

Capt. Nately You talk like a madman.

Old man in whorehouse But I live like a sane one. I was a fascist when ] was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.

[[Benito Mussolini|Mussolini]

Capt. Nately You're a shameful opportunist! What you don't understand is that it's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

Old man in whorehouse You have it backwards. It's better to live on your feet than to die on your knees. I know.

Capt. Nately How do you know?

Old man in whorehouse Because I am 107-years-old. How old are you?

Capt. Nately I'll be 20 in January.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

General's Command in Tense Situation

General Dreedle Get back in the car, you smirking slut!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

The Value of Wealth in Death

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Nately died a wealthy man, Yossarian. He had over sixty shares in the syndicate.

Yossarian What difference does that make? He's dead.

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Then his family will get it.

Yossarian He didn't have time to have a family.

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Then his parents will get it.

Yossarian They don't need it, they're rich.

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder Then they'll understand.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Catch-22

Determination Amidst Doubt and Risk

Danby Yossarian!

Yossarian I can do it, Danby!

Tappman They'll catch you, they'll bring you back!

Yossarian I can do it!

Danby This is insane!

Yossarian I can do it!

Tappman What about your clothes?

Yossarian They'll never recognize me without my uniform!

Danby You'll be on the run with no friends! You'll live in constant danger of betrayal!

Yossarian I live that way now.

[laughs]

Danby Yossarian, for God's sake, hurry up!

Yossarian So long, Chaplain!

Tappman How do you feel, Yossarian?

Yossarian Fine... because I'm scared to death.

Danby You'll have to keep on your toes every minute.

Yossarian I'll keep on my toes.

Tappman You'll have to jump.

Yossarian I'll jump.

Tappman JUMP!

Catch-22

Visibility and Vulnerability in Combat Operations

Major Danby Weather conditions have improved tremendously over the mainland, so you won't have any trouble at all seeing the target. Of course, we mustn't forget, that means that they won't have any trouble at all seeing you.

Catch-22

The Paradox of Military Regulations

Doc Daneeka You're wasting your time

Yossarian Can't you ground someone who's crazy?

Doc Daneeka Oh, sure. I have to. There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy.

Yossarian Then why don't you ground me? I'm crazy. Ask Clevinger.

Doc Daneeka Clevinger? Where is Clevinger? You find Clevinger and I'll ask him.

Yossarian Then ask any of the others. They'll tell you how crazy I am.

Doc Daneeka They're crazy

Yossarian Then why don't you ground them?

Doc Daneeka Why don't they ask me to ground them?

Yossarian Because they're crazy, that's why.

Doc Daneeka Of course they're crazy, I just told you they're crazy, didn't I? And you can't let crazy people decide if they crazy or not.

Yossarian Is Orr crazy?

Doc Daneeka He sure is.

Yossarian Can you ground him?

Doc Daneeka I sure can. But first he has to ask me to. That's part of the rule.

Yossarian Then why doesn't he ask you to?

Doc Daneeka Because he's crazy, He has to be crazy to keep flying combat missions after all the close calls he's had. Sure, I can ground Orr. But first he has to ask me to.

Yossarian That's all he has to do to be grounded?

Doc Daneeka That's all. Let him ask me.

Yossarian And then you can ground him?

Doc Daneeka No. Then I cannot ground him. (Yossarian cries out in frustration) See, there's a catch, Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.

Yossarian That's some catch, that Catch-22.

Doc Daneeka It's the best there is.

Catch-22

War's Profit and Human Cost

1st Lt. Milo Minderbinder We're gonna come out of this war rich!

Yossarian You're gonna come out rich. We're gonna come out dead.

Catch-22

The Paradox of Age and Mortality

Yossarian He was very old.

Luciana But he was a boy.

Yossarian Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.

Catch-22

Promotion and Disgrace in Military Hierarchy

Colonel Cathcart You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway.

Yossarian You promoted me.

Colonel Cathcart That has got nothing to do with it.

Catch-22 Quotes