Constantine (2005) - Quotes

Midnite: [As he is strapping John into the electric chair] Tell me this isn't about the girl.

John Constantine: [to a room full of demons; [Balance; no reaction as John stands on a chair] Hi. My name's John. You are in violation of the ]. Leave immediately, or I will deport you. All of you. Go to Hell.

Ellie: [Chaz Kramer had already put the Holy Cross into the water tank. John pulls the fire-detector, holy water sprinkles down; [Holy; [water] ] ]?

Balthazar: What are you doing?

John Constantine: I'm reading you your last rites.

Balthazar: Spare me your remedial incantations.

John Constantine: You do know what it is to truly be forgiven? To be welcomed into the Kingdom of God. Demon in heaven, I'd love to be a fly on that wall.

Balthazar: You're not a priest. You have no power.

John Constantine: [Balthazar relents] Just tell me how Mammon is crossing over, and you can go back to your shithole. Okay, Bally, enjoy it.

John Constantine: By the way… you have to ask for absolution to be forgiven… asshole.

John Constantine: I need you to leave.

Angela Dodson: [heads for her room] Okay.

John Constantine: The apartment.

John Constantine: God, I hate this part.

Angela Dodson: [Angela is about to transport into Hell via bathtub and has taken off her jacket] So, is this good, or do I have to take off the rest of my clothes?

Angela Dodson: John?

John Constantine: [smiles slightly] I'm thinking.

Angela Dodson: My sister was murdered last night.

John Constantine: Sorry to hear.

Angela Dodson: Thanks. She jumped off the the roof of a building.

John Constantine: I thought you said she was murdered.

Angela Dodson: Yeah, well, Isabel wouldn't have taken her own life.

John Constantine: Of course. What kind of mental patient kills herself? That's just crazy.

John Constantine: Why me, Gabriel? It's personal, isn't it? I didn't go to church enough, I didn't pray enough, I was five bucks short in the collection plate. Why?

Gabriel: [[life; pause, Gabriel leans in] You're going to die young because you smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 15… and you're going to go to hell because of the ] you took. You're fucked.

Gabriel: You still trying to buy your way into Heaven? … How many times have I told you? That's not the way this works.

John Constantine: Why, haven't I served Him enough? What does He want from me?

Gabriel: Only the usual. Self-sacrifice, belief.

John Constantine: Oh, I believe, for Christ's sake!

Gabriel: No, no. You know. And there's a difference. You've seen.

John Constantine: I never asked to see. I was born with this curse.

Gabriel: A gift, John. One that you've squandered on selfish endeavors.

John Constantine: I'm pulling demons out of little girls. Who's that for?

Gabriel: Everything you've ever done, you've only ever done for yourself—to earn your way back into His good graces!

John Constantine: So when a half-breed breaks the rules, I deport their sorry asses straight back to hell. I don't get them all, but I've been hoping to get enough to ensure my… retirement.

Angela Dodson: I don't understand.

John Constantine: I'm a suicide, Angela. When I die, the rules say I've got just one place to go…

Angela Dodson: You're trying to buy your way into heaven.

John Constantine: [[prison] What would you do if you were sentenced to a ] where half the inmates were put there by you?

Angela Dodson: I don't believe in the Devil.

John Constantine: You should. He believes in you.

Angela Dodson: You tried to kill yourself.

John Constantine: I didn't try anything.

Angela Dodson: [[God] I guess ] has a plan for all of us.

John Constantine: [[ant] God's a kid with an ] farm, lady. He's not planning anything.

Angela Dodson: [asking Constantine to hold elevator; [door] Hold the ], you're going down.

John Constantine: Not if I can help it.

Chaz Kramer: When am I going to stop being your slave, John?

John Constantine: [[Don Quixote|skinny fellow with the fat friend] You're not my slave, Chaz. You're my much appreciated apprentice, just like Tonto, or Robin, or that ].

Chaz Kramer: Why would you do that when you know this isn't my car, John?

John Constantine: I told you to move the car.

Chaz Kramer: Yeah, but if you'd told me you were going to drop a three-hundred pound mirror with a pissed off demon in it, I would have moved it further, John!

John Constantine: [[God; [souls; [Earth] What if I told you that ] and the Devil made a wager? A bet for the remaining ] on ]?

Angela Dodson: I'd tell you to stay on your meds.

John Constantine: [[Humor; [rule] ] me. No direct contact with Humans. That would be the ]. Just influence.

Balthazar: [[Word; puts fingers in his mouth, hisses, and leans forward] ] is… you're on your way down. Fresh meat. Finger lickin good.

Balthazar: [after being sprayed with Dragon's Breath; [Fire; [born] ]? I was ] of this!

Balthazar: [as he chokes John to death] Don't fight it, Johnny boy, enjoy it.

Beeman: [his last lines; [faith] I know you never had much ], John, you never had much reason to. But that doesn't mean we never had any faith… in you.

Chaz Kramer: This is Kramer. Chas Kramer. Asshole.

Chaz Kramer: [to midnite's knocked-out bouncer] Who's the rat in a dress now, bitch?

Chaz Kramer: [last words; [books] You're right, John. It's not like in the ].

Father Hennessy: Hey, John, I think I found you one.

Midnite: [after learning of Constantine's cancer] I thought I heard thunder last night. Must have been Satan's stomach growling.

Midnite: [shouts; normal voice] You know the rules of my house! While here, you will abide by them.

Midnite: [laughing, to John, regarding Chaz] Take him, John. Kill him after.

Possessed Girl: Papatayin natin siya.

Lucifer: No. You will live, John Constantine. You will live. You will have the chance to prove that your soul truly belongs in hell. Oh, you will live. You will live…

Lucifer: So what do you want? An extension?

Angela Dodson: [[light] When my sister and I were little, we'd leave messages with ] and breath.

Angela Dodson: [[see] I always denied I could ].

John Constantine: [Voice over; [Bible|the book; [God|He; [work; [mysterious; [people] I guess there's a plan for all of us. I had to die—twice—just to figure that out. Like ] says, ] ]s in ] ways. Some ] like it… some people don't.

John Constantine: [Speaking to God] I know I'm not one of Your favorites, and I'm not welcome in Your house, but I could use a little attention, please.

John Constantine: [As Midnite holds him up against a wall; [rules; Midnite lets him slump to the ground] Is this neutral? Bullshit! You're the only one playing by the ], Midnite. And while you've been imitating Switzerland, people are dying. Two hundred dollar shirt, by the way.

John Constantine: You don't need His protection. It'll be like back in the day.

John Constantine: [Flips off demon] For your boss.

John Constantine: Heaven and hell are right here, behind every wall, every window, the world behind the world. And we're smack in the middle.

John Constantine: [[word; [courage; [pleasure; [Balance; [hypocritical] Angels and demons can't cross over into our plane. So instead we get what I call "half-breeds". The influence peddlers. They can only whisper in our ears. A single ] can give you ], or turn your favorite ] into your worst nightmare. Those with the demon's touch and those part angel, living alongside us. They call it The ]. I call it ] bullshit.

John Constantine: He always had a rotten sense of humor. And His punchlines are killers.

John Constantine: Impossible rules, endless regulations. Who goes up, who goes down? And why?

John Constantine: [Traps a spider under a cigarette-smoke filled glass; [life] Welcome to my ].

John Constantine: [Whispering into the ear of a possessed girl] This is Constantine. John Constantine, asshole.